EPTOn October 19 2015 11:25 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
I agree, but I wonder why she didn't straight up say "No thank you".
I agree, but I wonder why she didn't straight up say "No thank you".
That's why we need people like Lemon to decipher these things.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 721
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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crimethinking
Vietnam765 Posts
That's why we need people like Lemon to decipher these things. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46243 Posts
On October 19 2015 11:27 crimethinking wrote: That's why we need people like Lemon to decipher these things. Or someone who knows that girl/ or women in general. | ||
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GreenHorizons
United States24156 Posts
On October 19 2015 11:25 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: I agree, but I wonder why she didn't straight up say "No thank you". Because they never know which ones are the psychos who will go ape shit over rejection, is the explanation I've been given when I see girls do it. Having seen some aggressive guys in action recently I don't blame them at all. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46243 Posts
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Calanthe
United States148 Posts
The reason dudes do this, as far as I can tell, isn't because the turned-down dude feels like there's something wrong with the girl, but because the rejection, to them, means that there's something intrinsically wrong with the dude in question, and that his mere presence and existence and offer isn't enough to warrant acceptance or the expected conversation that comes with accepting that drink. ... And that's just for a drink at a crowded bar. Dinner is a different beast. Follow up. Once. If she doesn't make a plan for dinner with you, move along. | ||
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nothingmuch
448 Posts
On October 19 2015 11:50 WarSame wrote: Exactly, it's game theory. If 99/100 of the time you reject a guy it goes fine, and 1/100 of the time he'll flip out and call you a slut and threaten you, etc. then obviously the best move is not to outright reject them. Girls have heard stories from each other, or have bad experiences with guys, and don't want to risk that craziness. And it's probably quite a bit more common than 1/100. There's no gain from it, and only bad, so they just don't do it. I can't tell you how much this made me crack up- not because what you said was funny, but because I still had the youtube link open someone posted a page earlier... (recommend going back and trying the combination of that vid + this post  ) | ||
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
Same as someone at the gym checks you in - have a good workout! You: You too! (fuck) | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46243 Posts
On October 19 2015 12:43 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: What if she just had a knee jerk response to something she isn't prepared for and now hates herself for it? Same as someone at the gym checks you in - have a good workout! You: You too! (fuck) I've done that countless times to my waiter/ waitress at a restaurant... "Enjoy your dinner!" "Thanks, you too!" ._. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
I don't know, wanted to talk to girls in an easy way. I have 15 matches right now. 2 down. I have not given up asking out girls in real though, will still do it if I see someone I like. 1 down, n - 1 more to go. LOL. Keep calculating man! | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On October 19 2015 11:19 [Phantom] wrote: I know people that look really really bad in pictures that look Ok in real life, it may have something to do with the angle or their ankwardness idk. But a lot of girls specially look better than men on pictures because most of them take so much pics of themselves that they learn how to take pretty cool pictures. (I had a friend that was like fat and "ok" in the face, and in her pictures she looked super slim and extremely pretty, when she send a friend request on facebook I was like "WOAH! WHOS THAT GIRL!, then I saw it was her and I was like..."wow, she is a master photographer she should do this for a living). Semi long post incoming. Anyway I wanted to share a quick update to my previous story that you don't care about, but I love sharing this kind of things. Remember that girl that didn't answer my text, then she answered 4 days later then I didn't answer until the next day and then she didn't answer? Well, she didn't anser lol, but there was something else to our story that I didn't share here. Anyway, today I found this story she wrote that had an autograph with a little text that said that I was pretty cool and loved our conversations and that kind of stuff. So I said "you know man, fuck it, I don't want to say to myself that I didn't really try this" because reading that I noticed that I really liked her, so I went to whatapp and sent her a picture of that text saying "I found it this evening, I think it might bring you good memories" She answered inmediatelly and the convo went something like Girl:3xBlushingSmileyface, 3xcrying face. Phantom, what happened to our conversations?  Phantom:I guess they died, but there's a chance we can bring them back G:We killed them P:That's right. Girl, I'd love to see you again are you available tomorrow or would you prefer this thurdsday (taking note of Lemon's book xd) G:I would love it to, but how about wednesday? or tuesday? P:Well, wednesday I have a test, and tuesday I have an appointment with the doctor. G:I got a test tomorrow and thurday I have my tennis classes.P:Don't worry. Well then, if not it could be over the weekend. Take the time to think when you're available and we'll arrange something. G:Sure! Saturday would be nice to have a little more time. I would be fine even if it was in your car  P:Saturday would be great for me actually. Just confirm me during the week. I'll plan something good, no more just haing out all day in the car. G: I will I promise! Even the car would be fine for me. P: Yeah well, in all honestly the place isn't important, I like to be with you. But either way I'll plan something good. ...recieved. Lol, but I don't care, it was a good way to end the conversation I think. We'll see how it goes. When she confirms I'll take a second note from Lemon's book and say the "Alright, meet me at x place at 1pm". I won't see her until 3 weeks apart which I'm afraid will possibly ruin the previous progress but it's alright. I just want to try, I'm feeling as confident as I've ever been in my life after a few quite great things happened to me this past week so I'll shoot for something great. Seriously, yesterday I was talking to my female friend about a friend of hers who's unhappy with a guy who sees her once per week, and wouldn't set times of the date right on the spot but wait until the last minute. She confirmed that when a girl texts whatever to a new guy she basically wants to see him and for him to set up a date right then, and him not doing so just leads to frustration. You had no reason to send this Just confirm me during the week. I'll plan something good, no more just haing out all day in the car. G:Sure! Saturday would be nice to have a little more time. I would be fine even if it was in your car She's already confirmed, she's free and wants to see you, she's sent you multiple messages indicating that! It will rarely get more blunt than this! She will probably feel pretty frustrated herself by now - Ima steal this: ![[image loading]](http://tlisc.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Air-Traffic-Controller1.jpg) There is only one reply to that message. You take your time to figure out your schedule, you find a fun thing to do with her, even if it takes you 5 hours to figure it out and you reply to her with "Deal! meet me at X time at X place, see you then!" she's already said she's free. You can add a small mysterious hint of what you will be doing, I only do that when I need her to e.g. dress a certain way or not fill up on burgers when we're going for a fancy dinner tho ;p Now that you've asked her to send confirmation when she's given you one you basically ignore your screw up, and do the same thing. Message her ASAP with "Okay, I'll meet you at Saturday at X hours at Y place, see you then cutie!" If she's into you (and she is) and she can't make that hour she will come up with alternative times (as she has before, but now she's told you she's free that day!). You do not expect a reply to that text, and as long as you get a tick you don't contact her whatsoever in-between and just assume she'll be there. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On October 19 2015 16:46 bloodwhore~ wrote: I don't know, wanted to talk to girls in an easy way. I have 15 matches right now. 2 down. I have not given up asking out girls in real though, will still do it if I see someone I like. LOL. Keep calculating man! I mean this is the opportunity cost principle. You spend say 2 hours on tinder per week. If you spent those 2 hours getting out of your comfort zone and just forcing yourself to talk to random girls at a mall/street/social gathering it'd be such a better way to spend your time and make progress with being good at talking to girls | ||
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marvellosity
United Kingdom36161 Posts
On October 19 2015 12:58 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: I've done that countless times to my waiter/ waitress at a restaurant... "Enjoy your dinner!" "Thanks, you too!" ._. I love stuff like that, I do it too and it just makes me laugh. Natural courtesy turned into nonsense. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On October 19 2015 18:36 LemOn wrote: I mean this is the opportunity cost principle. You spend say 2 hours on tinder per week. If you spent those 2 hours getting out of your comfort zone and just forcing yourself to talk to random girls at a mall/street/social gathering it'd be such a better way to spend your time and make progress with being good at talking to girls What can I say, I'm a little chickenshit.  Enough is enough. I'm going to strike up a conversation with at least one girl per week now. Even as I'm writing this I feel nervous about it, which is absurdly dumb. Expect to see a post about it every week, if I don't post one then you guys better flame fucking hard. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On October 19 2015 22:33 bloodwhore~ wrote: What can I say, I'm a little chickenshit. Enough is enough. I'm going to strike up a conversation with at least one girl per week now. Even as I'm writing this I feel nervous about it, which is absurdly dumb. Expect to see a post about it every week, if I don't post one then you guys better flame fucking hard. Start with approaching one girl per week, then two... Saying Hi, and whatever comes to your mind like "I'm getting over my shyness so I came over to talk to you" or whatever you notice about her than made you look at her. Doesn't mean you will strike up a conversation, go on a date or get a girlfriend, you just prove to yourself you can do it. | ||
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crimethinking
Vietnam765 Posts
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Acrofales
Spain18393 Posts
Not looking for pretty girls to chat up; so I am equally happy talking to the old man buying veggies at the supermarket, so to speak. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On October 19 2015 23:08 crimethinking wrote: I, for one, don't like cold-approaching and cold-talking to people. I will do it if there is something similar between us, like in the same class, at a tech conference, etc... but don't feel like randomly poking people at the bus stop. Well I don't like it either, it's more to break free from fear of doing it. | ||
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
On October 20 2015 00:26 Acrofales wrote: Different persons are different. I have no problems striking up a conversation with strangers, but don't tend to walk up to strangers with just a random blurb. I usually have something to say first and blurt it out to whoever it might be relevant to, though Not looking for pretty girls to chat up; so I am equally happy talking to the old man buying veggies at the supermarket, so to speak.Same! Sometimes I just want to make new friends. Not very picky about who those friends are. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On October 20 2015 01:33 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: Same! Sometimes I just want to make new friends. Not very picky about who those friends are. Yeah, the best way to pickup girls and make friends is to go out, be totally present and try to be very open to every opportunity and then take it - the best times I had were when I just walked into a crowd of people and seeing what my brain will come up with (comment on their clothes, social group, or even asking opinion on something. Without any strategy, if you are totally present you just start noticing stuff and become super spontaneous). The thing is though that until you have practice your brain will stop you from expressing yourself and being in the moment, that's why especially for shy people just taking forced steps to break out of comfort zone is great, often vital to stop their head getting in their way. And if there wasn't fear and anxiety you'd have more friends and sex than you can handle at any point in life. If you look at the total utility it just makes no sense not to talk to a girl that you feel attracted to that stands next to you when waiting for a bus, or join a random group of friends, guys or girls, and interact with them when you're bored on a night out. It still takes me often 4-5 forced approaches to drop the anxiety and just let the observant quick witty person get to the surface, and I've cold called thousands of people in my life. (EDIT: Meditation helps to lower that number) | ||
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