EPTWhat does that mean?
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 716
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
What does that mean? | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
@evilfatsh1t One of the things I noticed in China is that people due to pressure from family and possibly early pregnancies get married to the first person they really date at a young age (like early 20's), then figure out later there's more to it than that and start having sex with other people. I swear that like 90% of married Chinese people I know is almost making a sport out of cheating as much as possible. Is it similar in Korea? | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
I'd say in vast majority of cases you should either quit your job, or increase your on-the-job efficiency and time management if it's truly impossible to spend 3-5 hours per week on building relationships and your love life. On October 14 2015 10:42 Impervious wrote: We met on the weekend while we were working. We were at a local fair, with displays for our respective employers, and our displays were right beside each other. We spent a good chunk of the weekend chatting when things were slow. Texting didn't happen until Monday..... I generally work something along the lines of a 8-5 job, with a good chunk of overtime on evenings and weekends, and her job is exclusively evenings and weekends..... Now this I understand, and there's nothing you can do as it'd be a struggle if 7/7 days per week your free time is when she works and neither of you have the freedom of when to work. | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8764 Posts
i was taking a jab at you having too much free time On October 14 2015 15:27 B.I.G. wrote: Regardless of obstacles GTR, don't you think it would be an interesting experience to have had during your stay in Korea? Not saying you should force it but I don't see why you would try to avoid it. @evilfatsh1t One of the things I noticed in China is that people due to pressure from family and possibly early pregnancies get married to the first person they really date at a young age (like early 20's), then figure out later there's more to it than that and start having sex with other people. I swear that like 90% of married Chinese people I know is almost making a sport out of cheating as much as possible. Is it similar in Korea? not at all. koreas idolisation of american culture has led them to become a little too eager to have sex early. this, coupled with american porn and lack of sex education in korea, has led to a lot of high school kids having unprotected sex with each other. some kids might get addicted to the sex and keep it going throughout uni by meeting girls at clubs, then during marriage by meeting girls at 'rooms'. the problem with korea is getting laid is literally as easy as buying groceries. the availability, addiction and lack of self control leads some people to cheat even in marriage, but its no where near as severe as what you say about china. koreans generally never marry the first person they meet, they dont "find out" about sex later, and quite frankly theyre not in much rush to get married. koreans are too aware of the hardships of marriage, monogamy, leading a financially stable life into your 30s with a family etc. its one of the main reasons why korea has such a low birthrate now | ||
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Sickel1
26 Posts
Please help, my spaghetti is at the edge of my pockets right now and I really don't want to fuck up! | ||
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Emon_
3925 Posts
On October 14 2015 22:21 Sickel1 wrote: This girl I've been interested in for a while has been asking me to hug her and kiss her hand lately, and she seems very happy when I do so- but she mentioned a week or so ago that she's scared of relationships because she wouldn't want to ruin a close friendship with one (I didn't ask her out when she said it, we were just on the topic of previous relationships and she said that) and it's confusing me a bit- she is clearly into me- she takes the same bus that I do every day but an hour earlier than she has to because she wants to sit with me and we talk every day. I've called her cute and it made her happy and she's called me cute as well, but the line about being scared of relationships- was she trying to hint that she doesn't want to date me or is it just a coincidence? Please help, my spaghetti is at the edge of my pockets right now and I really don't want to fuck up! My spaghetti is at the, what? First off why do you have spaghetti in your pockets. That's your first problem You guys sound cute together, but for some reason the relationship isn't going to the next level, and that level is hugging/kissing. If you want to be friends and stay friends, that's fine but you've given some hints that there is a chance of escalation and that thing might go favorably for you. She's into you - keep that mindset and don't question it. You sound like a young man, maybe between 14-18, so chances are you could use some help in the appearance department. I'll just list some points and you see where you think you could do something that would help you. Grooming needs to be great - visit the barber every 3-4 weeks and get the hair right. Your breath needs to be sparkling, so brush 2x a day, chew menthol/spearmint gum during the day. Facial hair needs to be trimmed or nicely shaven. Skin should be moisturized in the morning and washed before bed. Shower 5-7 times a week, wear a nice perfume (small bottles are better because you rarely use everything) You don't need name brand perfume, just scented lotions, deodorants and a perfume from the store that you like (don't pay too much, it's not that important). Wardrobe - whatever your style is, keep the clothes clean, whole and if you can buy some new ones. Listen to some podcasts about grooming and style on youtube while you mull over what you like and what you want to see happen. Exercise - this is a big one but shouldn't take more than 40-60min a day. Do some push-ups, pull-ups (negative pull-ups), do some interval training do get your cardio up, and try to move around more after school (computer time will go down). Do this for a month, you two will still be friends. She'll notice you're changing but don't make a big deal about it. She will start noticing you and thinking about you more - hopefully - and that's great. Now that you look the part, check the listings in your city for some event that you can go to together and invite her. Afterwards go for coffee, then maybe go shopping together. Now you're spending time together and having fun and if there is any chemistry between you two sparks will be flying all over the place. If not - you are a clean, well dressed, well groomed, attractive and fit young man that will attract other ladies while staying friends with your current one. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
asking me to hug her and kiss her hand Okay...? why the hand? How does a thing like that even come up unless you're dating? I didn't ask her out when she said it What! You're kissing her hand but you haven't asked her out when you're interested in her? I don't see any reason for you not to ask her out, especially when you say she is clearly into you and you are clearly into her. Ignore that the part when she says she doesn't want to "ruin your friendship". Sure, that could be that she doesn't want to date you or that she wants to date you but is just scared to lose you if it doesn't work out. However if you are interested in dating her, ignore the possibly outcomes and just go for it. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On October 14 2015 22:55 Emon_ wrote:you could use some help in the appearance department. HAHA WHAT! I honestly don't think appearance would be a problem if she wants him to kiss her. I honestly am in a bit of a shock to why you would write two huge paragraphs about how he should take care of himself. Sure, if he is a total slob he should get his shit together but to assume that's the case from the start is a bit odd in my opinion. Do this for a month, you two will still be friends. If she actually is interested there is no reason for him to wait or try to make her psuedo-like him like this. I really don't see any reason why you would go about it this really awkward way, feels like it's a lot of effort for a low chance for success. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States45078 Posts
On October 14 2015 22:21 Sickel1 wrote: This girl I've been interested in for a while has been asking me to hug her and kiss her hand lately, and she seems very happy when I do so- but she mentioned a week or so ago that she's scared of relationships because she wouldn't want to ruin a close friendship with one (I didn't ask her out when she said it, we were just on the topic of previous relationships and she said that) and it's confusing me a bit- she is clearly into me- she takes the same bus that I do every day but an hour earlier than she has to because she wants to sit with me and we talk every day. I've called her cute and it made her happy and she's called me cute as well, but the line about being scared of relationships- was she trying to hint that she doesn't want to date me or is it just a coincidence? Please help, my spaghetti is at the edge of my pockets right now and I really don't want to fuck up! I have literally no idea what this could possibly mean, so my advice to you is to not use idioms or figurative language on dates. Emon_ has a ton of interesting suggestions... I'd pick a subset of maybe like 5 of those things that you don't currently do, and work on them gradually. They all cost time (and sometimes money), so there's no need for you to turn into a completely different person. She's clearly attracted to you (at least somewhat) now, so it's probably just a matter of refining a few things, and being confident and showing optimism towards her that your relationship can be successful and not jeopardize/ ruin your friendship, since that's what she explicitly told you that she's worried about. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Say something along the lines of: "Listen, you attract me, I think you are gorgeous and this friendship thing wouldn't work for me. So how about this - we go out on a date, just the two of us, and instead of thinking about complicated stuff like relationships we just focus on having a great time and see what happens. Does Wednesday afternoon work for you or is Friday better"? State what you want, put the pressure off relationships, grand questions and pull focus towards enjoying the present moment and having fun, and make it as easy for her as possible. P.S. If you say you want her not as a friend, and when she's free to go on a date and she starts to flake etc. Just tell her, "No worries, just give me a call when you change your mind and we'll go on a date" and stop spending time with her. P.P.S. And, yes this means you will lose her as a friend. But if you are really interested in her romantically, this is what you absolutely have to do. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On October 15 2015 01:53 B.I.G. wrote: Is the state of grooming with TLers so bad that the advice: take a shower and brush your teeth is one of the first things that come to mind? I must say I skimmed through that post first but upon closer inspection it's a wonderfully written witty sarcastic piece  | ||
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Fi0na
0 Posts
On October 14 2015 22:21 Sickel1 wrote: This girl I've been interested in for a while has been asking me to hug her and kiss her hand lately, and she seems very happy when I do so- but she mentioned a week or so ago that she's scared of relationships because she wouldn't want to ruin a close friendship with one (I didn't ask her out when she said it, we were just on the topic of previous relationships and she said that) and it's confusing me a bit- she is clearly into me- she takes the same bus that I do every day but an hour earlier than she has to because she wants to sit with me and we talk every day. I've called her cute and it made her happy and she's called me cute as well, but the line about being scared of relationships- was she trying to hint that she doesn't want to date me or is it just a coincidence? Please help, my spaghetti is at the edge of my pockets right now and I really don't want to fuck up! I'm not sure about the last sentence either :D There are 3 options: - force the choice between relationship and friendship. This will destroy the friendship either way, and most likely not end up in a relationship either. She is about to lose probably her best friend, so she will most likely cling to the friendship as if her life depends on it. And you have made clear that you are not happy with being "just friends" anymore, so you will probably grow apart. - keep things as they are. Dip your spaghetti in someone else's sauce. Stop kissing her hand, and if you meant you hug her hand, don't do that either, just do normal hugs like friends do. - try to take it to a relationship without labeling it as such and without her noticing. She already goes out of her way to spend time with you, so it should be easier to invite her to spend some time with you outside the bus. Go to a café together, start having more body contact on the bus (leaning against each other, putting your arm around her shoulder, you'll figure it out ^_^). If you usually sit across each other, switch up your routine and pick a seat where she pretty much has to sit right next to you. This does not guarantee anything, maybe you'll just upgrade from good friend to super best girlfriend forever, but considering she told you about her big fear of ruining a friendship by getting into a relationship (yup, she did tell you on purpose, and it could even mean she is not as much into you as you think she is) this would clearly be the approach I'd take. Start making dates without calling them dates  Oh and seriously, don't kiss her hand. Maybe she is into dominating stuff, maybe it is just a joke, but it does create quite the imbalance in "power" between the two of you. Or turn it into a joke and make her kiss your hand too and you can be weird together :3 | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Choose if you want to be her friend or lover, and run with it. My Gf actually told me a story like this...she was actually hanging out with a guy for a year (both were young), he was in love with her, she had a strong bond with him. Going to places alone, "sort of" dates touching, wrestling... But noone made a move, nobody expressed their feelings directly. After a year he told her he loves her and that he can't see her anymore, probably when she started being with other men. Neither party was happy in the end. And then I come along, and in some 8 hours of time spent with her I got where he was trying to get for a whole year, and we're still together and boy, he missed out on so much passion. EDIT: Actually thank you god, not just for making me an atheist, but for making guys fearful of just being genuinely honest and go after what they want. Because I'd miss out on the best woman in the world if that wasn't the case | ||
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Fi0na
0 Posts
On October 15 2015 02:46 LemOn wrote: Not sure about other guys here, but for me it's absolute torture hanging out with a girl that forces my spaghetti to the edge of my pockets, whatever that means. I've really only experienced it once in my life, but bad case of blue balls, blocked from actually seeing girls that are into me and vice versa , and feeling of betrayal once she inevitably starts dating and getting into relationships with other guys. This can and does work for women, but not for men in my experience. So I see option 3 by far the worst one for a guy without a doubt, it's just so much easier to just stop playing games, tell her you want her (without focus on relationship but on the present moment) than stay as a friend, hoping it'll move into something more one day. Choose if you want to be her friend or lover, and run with it. My Gf actually told me a story like this...she was actually hanging out with a guy for a year (both were young), he was in love with her, she had a strong bond with him. Going to places alone, "sort of" dates touching, wrestling... But noone made a move, nobody expressed their feelings directly. After a year he told her he loves her and that he can't see her anymore, probably when she started being with other men. Neither party was happy in the end. And then I come along, and in some 8 hours of time spent with her I got where he was trying to get for a whole year, and we're still together and boy, he missed out on so much passion. EDIT: Actually thank you god, not just for making me an atheist, but for making guys fearful of just being genuinely honest and go after what they want. Because I'd miss out on the best woman in the world if that wasn't the case you know, while usually I would agree with being true and upfront with your feelings and intentions, this is why we are pockets deep in spaghetti in the first place: On October 14 2015 22:21 Sickel1 wrote: but she mentioned a week or so ago that she's scared of relationships because she wouldn't want to ruin a close friendship with one At which point I will give you great odds on the upfront approach not working because it will trigger exactly that fear. | ||
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Sickel1
26 Posts
On October 15 2015 02:29 Fi0na wrote: I'm not sure about the last sentence either :D There are 3 options: - force the choice between relationship and friendship. This will destroy the friendship either way, and most likely not end up in a relationship either. She is about to lose probably her best friend, so she will most likely cling to the friendship as if her life depends on it. And you have made clear that you are not happy with being "just friends" anymore, so you will probably grow apart. - keep things as they are. Dip your spaghetti in someone else's sauce. Stop kissing her hand, and if you meant you hug her hand, don't do that either, just do normal hugs like friends do. - try to take it to a relationship without labeling it as such and without her noticing. She already goes out of her way to spend time with you, so it should be easier to invite her to spend some time with you outside the bus. Go to a café together, start having more body contact on the bus (leaning against each other, putting your arm around her shoulder, you'll figure it out ^_^). If you usually sit across each other, switch up your routine and pick a seat where she pretty much has to sit right next to you. This does not guarantee anything, maybe you'll just upgrade from good friend to super best girlfriend forever, but considering she told you about her big fear of ruining a friendship by getting into a relationship (yup, she did tell you on purpose, and it could even mean she is not as much into you as you think she is) this would clearly be the approach I'd take. Start making dates without calling them dates Oh and seriously, don't kiss her hand. Maybe she is into dominating stuff, maybe it is just a joke, but it does create quite the imbalance in "power" between the two of you. Or turn it into a joke and make her kiss your hand too and you can be weird together :3 Well, we are both into domination/submission and the sides are as you suspected, so I don't think the hand thing is much of an issue? Considering her fear of relationships I think that option three would probably be the best. I care about her so if I did end up in a relationship with her, I wouldn't want to do it knowing that it made her feel uneasy- that would be pretty unfair of me. Option 3 will probably be best because we already sit next to each other and have quite a bit of bodily contact- I think I should clarify that, when she said the thing about her fear of a relationship; she said that with her previous relationships she ended up losing interest in the guys (this isn't just dropping hints, I know the guys she was in relationships with before and that's how they ended up progressing) which makes her more "weary of having relationships because they ruin close friendships" Not sure if that helps at all; I saw her today and she was rubbing my biceps/pecs while we were on the bus, then we got breakfast and I had to go shortly after. I imagine that means things are progressing well? If somebody more experienced could give me their opinion with the additional information, it might help me contain the spaghetti jailbreak. EDIT: Also to note, she's a real great grill, I play league and dota with her and she's asked me to help her get into Sc2 (her family is from Korea so she was vaguely familiar with it before, but had only played it once in a PC bang the last summer that she visited) so she's basically fantastic. | ||
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arb
Noobville17921 Posts
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On October 15 2015 03:52 arb wrote: but what happened to poondazzle probably the thing she had to tell him was so dazzling that the spaghetti popped out of the pocket | ||
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