EPTYup, glad I dodged that one. Not even sad I left, just thankful for the experiwnce.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 715
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
Yup, glad I dodged that one. Not even sad I left, just thankful for the experiwnce. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Anyway don't fuck around and ask her to tell you whats up because saying:"there is something I should tell you" and then staying silent is just lame. Probably she is like bi sexual or something. If not, I don't recommend dating a girl that has HIV or is a serial killer. oh yeah and #freesixstrings | ||
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Impervious
Canada4211 Posts
I can't really pinpoint any reason, other than the fact that we simply weren't able to meet up (conflicting work schedules). I've found that if I can't meet up with a girl, even for something quick, for over a week after getting her number, the chances of it going anywhere drop dramatically. And when there are weeks where I'm working like 80 hrs in that week, it can be a bit tricky..... | ||
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Poondazzle
United States30 Posts
On October 13 2015 06:15 Poondazzle wrote: Hey fellow TLers, Long time lurker finally have something to contribute. I just had a mutual breakup with my best friend of 5 years. We were pretty serious, together for just under two years and lived together for over half a year. We ended up realizing that we don't want the same thing. Anyways, I decided to try my hand at online dating after my breakup. I created an okc profile and got a message from a girl. We exchanged messages for a couple of days. Seemed fairly mutual at this point so I asked if she wants to meet over coffee on Saturday and gave her my number. She said yes and would confirm closer to the day. She started the next day off with a good morning text and we continue our conversations over text for the next day and a half. On Thursday afternoon the texts falls silent until Saturday morning when she texts me again. We text lightly throughout Saturday but she never mentions anything about our meeting. Day passes and on Sunday I decided to give it another try and asked her again. She agreed and we met in the afternoon. I didn't allow myself to have too much expectation going into it but it turned out pretty amazing. She is cute and checks off on all of my requirements and my nice-to-haves. There was enough touching on her end that I feel like she's interested. At one point she offered me a taste of her dessert from her spoon (never had this happen before so not sure what to think of it if anything). All in all we were together for about 2.5 hours and she never looked at her phone. Probably could have gone on longer since she kept asking me if I was hungry but I was having problems with my wisdom tooth so I declined. We left each other with a hug (she squeezed really hard here). I waited until the next day(today), to text her. We have a nice back and forth conversation going with little delay on either end. Anyways, asked her out again for this upcoming weekend and I get a "so there's something I probably should have told you sooner..." That was about 5 hours ago, not too sure if I was suppose to respond and ask or something or if she's just writing an essay. I kind of want to just send some witty response but I'm drawing a blank on the witty right now. Too good to be true? Thanks for the input guys. I went with the safe choice, though I haven't gotten a response. Unfortunate but oh well what can you do. I thought online dating would help open a larger pool but so far it's just a larger pool of the same kind of women. I honestly think I just live in the wrong state. All I get are endless clones of TRAVEL SPORTS TRAVEL TRAVEL OUTDOORS TRAVEL FUNNY. @B.I.G. not quite so interesting, my last name is Poon. I once had someone ask me what kind of douche uses Poon in his work email, good times. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On October 13 2015 14:08 Impervious wrote: I can't really pinpoint any reason, other than the fact that we simply weren't able to meet up (conflicting work schedules). I've found that if I can't meet up with a girl, even for something quick, for over a week after getting her number, the chances of it going anywhere drop dramatically. And when there are weeks where I'm working like 80 hrs in that week, it can be a bit tricky..... How can you both spend a chunk of the weekend on texting...and then not find literally one hour (2 if you could commute I guess), which is all it takes for 1st date, anywhere in the week? | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States45077 Posts
On October 13 2015 15:08 LemOn wrote: How can you both spend a chunk of the weekend on texting...and then not find literally one hour (2 if you could commute I guess), which is all it takes for 1st date, anywhere in the week? I agree that it could be just a quick, casual meet-up (better than nothing), although I also work 70-80 hours per week and I know how draining that can be x.x | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On October 14 2015 01:05 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: I agree that it could be just a quick, casual meet-up (better than nothing), although I also work 70-80 hours per week and I know how draining that can be x.x Same here, I am doing something literally all the time between 10am and 10 pm. I have 2 start ups and lift weights 3-4 hours a day (I compete in powerlifting) I met a girl on the weekend and haven't asked her out cause I'm always busy -.-. | ||
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
On October 13 2015 14:08 Impervious wrote: I can't really pinpoint any reason, other than the fact that we simply weren't able to meet up (conflicting work schedules). I've found that if I can't meet up with a girl, even for something quick, for over a week after getting her number, the chances of it going anywhere drop dramatically. And when there are weeks where I'm working like 80 hrs in that week, it can be a bit tricky..... This is my problem too. I think that's how I got so reliant on tinder as well. I've got my busiest class schedule yet, then on top of that I'm working part time for my internship, and whenever the studio on campus is open I'm in there recording drum tracks for my opera. I have almost zero time to see people I don't go to class with or arrange to meet, and out of the people that I do go to class with... Not many girls in CS and math classes. | ||
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Impervious
Canada4211 Posts
On October 13 2015 15:08 LemOn wrote: How can you both spend a chunk of the weekend on texting...and then not find literally one hour (2 if you could commute I guess), which is all it takes for 1st date, anywhere in the week? We met on the weekend while we were working. We were at a local fair, with displays for our respective employers, and our displays were right beside each other. We spent a good chunk of the weekend chatting when things were slow. Texting didn't happen until Monday..... I generally work something along the lines of a 8-5 job, with a good chunk of overtime on evenings and weekends, and her job is exclusively evenings and weekends..... | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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Impervious
Canada4211 Posts
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8764 Posts
On October 14 2015 10:42 IgnE wrote: I don't buy this always busy stuff. time to get a real job then? | ||
GTR
51500 Posts
don't even know if its worth doing considering i'll be going back to australia in a year. | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8764 Posts
dating a korean girl is TOTALLY different to a girl in the western world, you are correct. | ||
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GTR
51500 Posts
but a friend of mine (he's white) is dating a korean girl right now and he always complains how clingy she is note that i'm an asian (who looks somewhat korean) but shit i cant date and speak korean unless you speak to me like im a child | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On October 14 2015 12:35 GTR wrote: anyone here familiar with dating in korea? apparently it's a different game to the western world. don't even know if its worth doing considering i'll be going back to australia in a year. No experience with Korea but I do have with China. From what I exoerienced it really depends on the girl. I find that when it comes to dating that "classic" Chinese women have such different expectations from life and dating(and eventually marriage) that for me it's pretty much a no go. Example: My expectations -> date a couple of years focus on career for now, move around to different countries, get kids at 35 or something, and probably move back to europe at some point. (Average) Chinese expectations: get married asap, get kids asap, stay as close to parents and family as possible. Obviously one isn't better than the other and obviously It's not a universal truth for Chinese women (I know plenty exceptions myself), but I know what I want and I feel it's unfair to date a girl under false pretenses where this might be going.. TLDR only worth it to me if mindset is compatible. I'm sure there are a lot of very modern korean girls with a similar state of mind. | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8764 Posts
Basically one of the biggest issues with dating in Korea, and Koreans in general is the competitiveness. Asian countries are known for this, but since I'm not Chinese or Japanese and I haven't lived in those countries I cannot speak for them, but Korea is competitive as fuck when it comes to pretty much everything. This applies to dating too. This is me not exaggerating or sugar coating anything; the majority (and by majority I mean WELL ABOVE 50%) of young Koreans are full of shit. Their whole dating life is a charade that is designed to give people the illusion that they are 'happy' and that they have found 'love' when in fact they just want to have sex with each other and do 'couple' things. I don't know how old you are, but generally speaking, until Koreans hit somewhere in the range of 27-33, you will be hard pressed to find someone who is down-to-earth, non-retarded and actually sincere about their feelings, life goals etc. People in this thread complain about some girls in the western world about how irresponsible or immature they are, but honestly finding a decent girl in the western world at a young age is SO much easier than in Korea. As I said, the competitiveness in Korea is like a cancer. GTR you have probably already noticed that a massive part of Korean recreational life is designed for couple use. It's not particularly obvious in Anam and around Korea Uni, but once you start to travel to other parts of Seoul and outside of Seoul, you will find activities and locations which are pretty much impossible to go to unless you have a partner, because quite frankly people will just look at you weird for being there alone. Dating in Korea is a game. Which couple can one-up the other couple? Which couple can hit a longer milestone? Which couple can spend more time doing 'meaningful' events? Which couple can visit more couple locations? In western cultures it's pretty common and quite acceptable to just chill at home with your partner and watch a movie. You can laze around a bit, maybe go grocery shopping together, have a simple dinner at home while talking about day to day stuff and both parties will be very satisfied with having just spent the day TOGETHER. In Korea this is not the case. Thinking about having a future and living a 'normal' life with your partner is not possible until you have tested how committed they are to you. Because moving out of your house, getting your own place and living independently isn't a thing in Korea, Koreans never even have a chance to think about it until you start thinking about marriage. In order to think about marriage you have to do all the couply shit together and depending on how well that goes, the girl (or guy) will be like "Wow, he spent so much money and effort to organise an anniversary event for me. He must really love me" or "This guy only likes to go about his daily routine. He doesn't like going on bus rides for 2 hours to a couple destination so that we can take photos and brag to my friends. He must not love me enough to do that." Again, the emphasis is on the 'How people see me' part. Rather than being satisfied with being with someone they like (love) and spending time with them, regardless of the activity, they feel the need to do things that prove to the onlooker that they are a lovey-dovey couple. It doesn't help that Korean society is generally seen as conservative, because Koreans like any other country, are horny as fuck. But because one night stands, flings, friends with benefits etc are taboo, they find whoever they can to form a relationship and do these activities to make it look like they aren't meeting just to bone with each other, but because they're in love. Also, don't take any "I love you" seriously, because seriously the word 'saranghae' will come out on the first day for some couples. This whole problem gets a little better as people get a little older. They get tired of playing 'the game', they mature up a abit and they start to develop real interpersonal skills and realise how the real world actually works. (In my opinion Koreans lack what we call 'gaenyum' in Korean. Roughly translates to 'common sense' but doesn't quite hit the spot. This is due to the educational system in Korea which forces students to read books for the first 20 years of their life, rather than experiencing all kinds of shit indoors and outdoors. I noticed this even amongst Korea Uni students, who are supposed to be elites in Korea.) tl;dr Don't expect to meet a girl that actually thinks and acts like a responsible adult, even into your mid 20s. Down to earth, no bullshit girls do exist but they are rare and then there's the problem of having to find one of them that actually is your type. My whole post comes off VERY negative about Koreans and their dating life, but that's only because I'm speaking with marriage in mind. If you're looking to settle down then there is a real problem, but if you're just looking to have fun then I can say that Koreans really do know how to enjoy themselves when they are dating. All those activities, locations etc do make for some really fun experiences and there's always something new to do. Also Korean girls in general tend to 'take care' of their boyfriends a lot more than western girls do. Some might consider it clingy, but if you appreciate being looked after and girls showing their affection for you more regularly than a western girl would, then I do highly recommend you meet a Korean girl once. If you're lucky and you really do meet a sincere, no bullshit kind of girl, then keep her. Despite everything I said, I still look for Korean girls exclusively. Maybe because I'm of Korean background and am used to the culture already, but I think it's also because I know that if I really do find the right girl I know we'd have so much fun and live very happily together. Honestly for me, the 'clingyness' aspect is a pretty big plus. In my experience it is kind of clingy in the way western people would associate the word with, but it's not the kind of clingy that makes you want to get rid of her. Korean girls have a way of being clingy and being loved for it lol. edit: Also, I'm not saying all girls and guys actively think of this stuff when they meet people. It's just part of their culture, kind of a subconscious thought in the back of their head which drives their actions. That's why Koreans dating Koreans probably won't notice how messed up their culture is, because to them it is the norm and they have no reason to question it. These problems are only particularly obvious to someone raised in a western culture because everything just looks superficial. Some of this stuff isn't exactly exclusive to Koreans, but I think I see it more in Korea than in Western cultures which is why I'm kind of labelling it as a Korean problem. For example, a Korean girl uploads photos of her and her bf's 1000th day anniversary. There's a whole bunch of balloons, candles, presents, kisses etc etc. You can see the effort the girl and the guy put in to make the day special. So this goes up on facebook because the girl is now fishing for likes and compliments. In a western country the probable response from some people will give the girl what she wants. Some people will probably think to themselves "who the fuck gives a shit about your 1000th day anniversary. stop fishing for likes." Korean girls however, have already started to tag their boyfriends (or if they're single, their girlfriends) and they are commenting "Do this for me.", "D-491", "You're gonna do better right?" or "I want a boyfriend that can do this for me", "Why couldn't my boyfriend do this for me". etc You get the point As for language barriers, I'm not sure if your white friend speaks Korean or something, but usually if there's a communication issue it won't work out. Westerners have the advantage that the very fact that you're a westerner peaks Koreans' interests. Unfortunately this interest does not extend to people of non-Korean but Asian descent. Racism isn't really fierce in Korea, but there is definitely some residual feelings left from past encounters with Chinese and Japanese people that have left Koreans....unwelcoming to them. In other words, they'll be fine once they get to know you and stuff, but you won't be picking women up just from first impressions if you look Chinese or Japanese. late edit for anyone who hasnt read this yet: I should probably mention how the above actually affects you when you really do meet a girl like this. For some people, this might not be a problem at all, but in my case at the very least, I'm not really the 'active' kind of guy. I'm active when I play sports, like I enjoy playing football (soccer) regularly and stuff, but I'm not very outgoing. So the constant pressure to have to do something does get to you a bit. Then there's the subtle (sometimes not subtle) comparisons to other boyfriends, couples etc which pisses people off all across the world. Also especially for younger girls, it's hard to have a proper intellectual discussion with them. All their life they have been worrying so much about how to graduate with good marks, how to get a good job, how to study longer and more efficiently etc. that they haven't really thought about real world problems. (Again, the lack of 'gaenyum'). It's hard to maintain conversation with girls sometimes about a whole range of topics such as politics, economics, law, philosophy, health, business. Any topic which we wouldn't really label as a 'young' topic is hard to talk about with many Korean girls, because they just haven't thought about them much yet. Again, this also improves later as they slowly integrate themselves into 'real' life, although their views and thoughts maybe influenced heavily by what they see in their workplace which is corruption, seniority and a whole host of other issues. But this is a whole other discussion not worth getting into here. /endrant | ||
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GTR
51500 Posts
Friends said they'd get me into sogaeting possibly but urge it's all foreign and weird to me | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8764 Posts
the problem with anam is its kind of isolated so you really only have korea uni students there. so if you want to meet someone in anam you either have to take classes with the girl or you need to get hooked up. a popular way to meet girls during undergrad is 'meetings', which are like group get togethers. its usually like 4 on 4 or 3 on 3 where 1 girl and 1 guy on either side set the whole thing up. these dont usually develop into relationships, but at the very least you make a couple more friends which could lead to a wider range of sogaetings. sogaeting is pretty much a blind date (although nowadays with all the social media and kakaotalk, people look at the photos before going anyway lol). if youve done a blind date before in western countries then its pretty much the same. you intro yourselves, talk about hobbies/interests/jobs etc. usually you meet up at a restaurant first, eat, go dessert and if you like what you see then you go to a bar maybe. if you dont then you leg it or go to the movies or something to kill time and sit in silence. sogaetings are awkward for everyone though, because both parties know theyre coming out hoping to meet someone. also, theres always the problem of language barriers for foreigners so thats another hurdle to consider. i edited my long text to mention the language thing after you replied, because i didnt know you replied lol what i suggest is if youre looking for a 'fling', seeing as youre only there for a year anyway, is go to a club. depending on your age you probably want to stay away from hongdae since its generally for the younger age groups. itaewon is probably the most attractive for you since its already crowded with foreigners, otherwise theres always gangnam. im not sure what kind of relationship youre looking for, but girls who meet guys at clubs generally arent marriage material girls lol, so dont get your hopes up. | ||
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