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On October 12 2015 13:48 [Phantom] wrote:So I met a girl, we hung out once and two days later, this girl says to me in whatsapp something like: Tuesday: Girl:Hey! lets go out this thursday Me:Sure, What do you want to do?  *Seen, No answer* This saturday in the night she finally answers with "hi [Phantom]!" and in my mind I'm like "....really?" So I was kind of mad for that and also busy, so I don't answer and leave it in seen. Today I say hi to her and...she leaves me in seen rofl. Well, that died pretty quickly before it even started!
I know this girl that every once in a while comes up to me totally enthusiastically saying we should meet up again soon (we used to work at the same company). Always ends up being cancelled. I know that at the time (3 years ago) she was into me. Now I'm not sure what she wants, I'm cool with just being friends.
When it comes to women there is always that next thing that you don't realy understand.
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I've found that shit never happens unless you solidify plans. "Block out the calendar sweetheart, we got some minigolf to get." Girls(I won't call them women) nowadays are very flaky for the most part. Guys are too, but I feel like women are more flaky. If you want something to happen you can't tiptoe through the tulips - you need to get shit going, get some momentum. I've found that even just waiting a week can really hurt what's developing - the only way to avoid that is to explicitly say that you'll need to delay a week. Otherwise, they think you aren't interested in them, so they pull back their interest in you, which makes you believe they aren't interested in you, which blah blah blah. On the other hand, solidly indicating interest, and assuming that they are interested in you is effective - you put your part on full blast, and you increase their interest if they have any.
Part of this is probably due to society/gendering - a lot of women are conditioned to not approach, or have enough attention that they don't need to approach/take the lead. Women are conditioned to be passive and are probably genetically more passive in general, and they're not going to take the risks that are involved in establishing a relationship - if it fails, their ego takes a big hit. This means that the guy needs to be willing to lead, and do so decisively.
"Hey! Let's go out this Thursday"
"Alright, I know this Thai place, it'll leave you tongue Thaied"
When the gap appears, hit it(pun intended). In your case, I don't blame you for not doing so because she was initiating that conversation thread, but it's something you've got to learn in general.
As a side note, about half of this post is me being hypocritical as fuck, because I'm wayyyy to passive for my own good, but it's something that you can see from either side of the fence.
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Mexico2170 Posts
While I understand that it's better to be more decisive and take the initiative, I don't know if the behavior of this girl of "I'll ask you out then don't answer you for four days" is..excusable. Maybe she wanted me to like insist? I'm not playing that kind of game anymore.
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You didn't have to insist, but even just throwing an option out there would have been good. To be clear, you didn't do anything "wrong", it just possibly could have gone better if you had done that. As for her texting you that, especially with a specific date, and then reneging on it... I have not a fucking clue, and that type of shit bothers me, too. That's the type of thing that'll put me somewhat off of a specific girl as well.
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On October 12 2015 15:00 [Phantom] wrote:
While I understand that it's better to be more decisive and take the initiative, I don't know if the behavior of this girl of "I'll ask you out then don't answer you for four days" is..excusable. Maybe she wanted me to like insist? I'm not playing that kind of game anymore.
Yeah I would most likely do what you did. What she said seemed to be more of a backup plan for her.
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Ah, good call. She could have had you as a backup. To be honest, if she did that in order to get a backup plan and then didn't reply that girl is very inconsiderate, and you'd be better off not getting closer to her.
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On October 12 2015 13:48 [Phantom] wrote:So I met a girl, we hung out once and two days later, this girl says to me in whatsapp something like: Tuesday: Girl:Hey! lets go out this thursday Me:Sure, What do you want to do?
What are you doing man, this is awful.
This is how it goes
Girl:Hey! lets go out this thursday
Me: Sure, meet me 6pm at corner of street A and B, see you there! P.S. make sure you're hungry.
And you take her to your favorite restaurant. Fin.
On October 12 2015 13:48 [Phantom] wrote:
This saturday in the night she finally answers with "hi [Phantom]!" and in my mind I'm like "....really?" So I was kind of mad for that and also busy, so I don't answer and leave it in seen. Today I say hi to her and...she leaves me in seen rofl.
Well, that died pretty quickly before it even started!
Her: "hi [Phantom]!"
You: "Oh hey you, I'd love to take you out, is Wedneday or Thursday better for you?"
Her: "bla bla bla, Wednesday"
You: Sweet! Meet me 6pm at corner of street A and B, see you there! P.S. make sure you're hungry.
And you take her to your favorite restaurant. Fin.
Alternatively:
Her:"not sure, schedule stuff... *random excuse*...anything else
You: No worries, get in touch when you know when you're free because I'd love to see you Girl!
You guys like way over complicate things. It's simple really, phone is for setting dates, and it's your job to set them, and hers to reach out to you.
She gave it to you on a silver platter man by telling you directly, most girls would text you some random bullshit where what they really mean is that they want to see you and that you should take the initiative.
And there is a large group of women that read some bullshit dating books or just have it in the culture (Russians, Ukranians) that hold back their natural feelings and would literally never contact you first, even if it means they'd lose you even when they think you're awesome.
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On October 12 2015 04:53 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On October 12 2015 04:34 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Whenever I hear that promise from a girl, I wonder how much of it is because "omg I think you and my friend have so much in common and would have such great chemistry together" and how much of it is "ffs Brittney okay okay I'll find you some random guy who's not a mouth-breather... just stop threatening to slit your wrists!"  HAHAHA wow that last one was harsh! Neither of those scenarios sound great to me. I don't think she thinks we would make a good match just because we have a lot in common as I'm fairly certain we don't. The impression I have of her is that she wouldn't just throw any guy to her friends and she seems to think I'm a great guy and that's the reason for saying these kinds of things. But sure, you never know they might have threatened to commit sushi. Having said that, I'm not sure I'm that big of a fan of the getting set up either, feels like there would be a lot of pressure.
That's kind of how I met the girl I'm dating right now. My friend told me she wanted to introduce us, so she invited us and a few other people to a picnic, and then invited both of us to go grocery shopping. It wasn't an explicit set-up or blind date or anything, but she just provided an opportunity for us to meet (and, of course, she tried to make me look good).
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On October 12 2015 21:03 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On October 12 2015 13:48 [Phantom] wrote:So I met a girl, we hung out once and two days later, this girl says to me in whatsapp something like: Tuesday: Girl:Hey! lets go out this thursday Me:Sure, What do you want to do? What are you doing man, this is awful. This is how it goes Girl:Hey! lets go out this thursday
Me: Sure, meet me 6pm at corner of street A and B, see you there! P.S. make sure you're hungry.And you take her to your favorite restaurant. Fin. Show nested quote +On October 12 2015 13:48 [Phantom] wrote:
This saturday in the night she finally answers with "hi [Phantom]!" and in my mind I'm like "....really?" So I was kind of mad for that and also busy, so I don't answer and leave it in seen. Today I say hi to her and...she leaves me in seen rofl.
Well, that died pretty quickly before it even started! Her: "hi [Phantom]!"
You: "Oh hey you, I'd love to take you out, is Wedneday or Thursday better for you?"
Her: "bla bla bla, Wednesday"
You: Sweet! Meet me 6pm at corner of street A and B, see you there! P.S. make sure you're hungry.And you take her to your favorite restaurant. Fin. Alternatively: Her:"not sure, schedule stuff... *random excuse*...anything else
You: No worries, get in touch when you know when you're free because I'd love to see you Girl! You guys like way over complicate things. It's simple really, phone is for setting dates, and it's your job to set them, and hers to reach out to you. She gave it to you on a silver platter man by telling you directly, most girls would text you some random bullshit where what they really mean is that they want to see you and that you should take the initiative. And there is a large group of women that read some bullshit dating books or just have it in the culture (Russians, Ukranians) that hold back their natural feelings and would literally never contact you first, even if it means they'd lose you even when they think you're awesome.
Really? Never knew about the Russians and Ukrainians doing that. Actually ties together a lot of loose ends if it's true.
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On October 12 2015 21:44 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:Show nested quote +On October 12 2015 21:03 LemOn wrote:On October 12 2015 13:48 [Phantom] wrote:So I met a girl, we hung out once and two days later, this girl says to me in whatsapp something like: Tuesday: Girl:Hey! lets go out this thursday Me:Sure, What do you want to do? What are you doing man, this is awful. This is how it goes Girl:Hey! lets go out this thursday
Me: Sure, meet me 6pm at corner of street A and B, see you there! P.S. make sure you're hungry.And you take her to your favorite restaurant. Fin. On October 12 2015 13:48 [Phantom] wrote:
This saturday in the night she finally answers with "hi [Phantom]!" and in my mind I'm like "....really?" So I was kind of mad for that and also busy, so I don't answer and leave it in seen. Today I say hi to her and...she leaves me in seen rofl.
Well, that died pretty quickly before it even started! Her: "hi [Phantom]!"
You: "Oh hey you, I'd love to take you out, is Wedneday or Thursday better for you?"
Her: "bla bla bla, Wednesday"
You: Sweet! Meet me 6pm at corner of street A and B, see you there! P.S. make sure you're hungry.And you take her to your favorite restaurant. Fin. Alternatively: Her:"not sure, schedule stuff... *random excuse*...anything else
You: No worries, get in touch when you know when you're free because I'd love to see you Girl! You guys like way over complicate things. It's simple really, phone is for setting dates, and it's your job to set them, and hers to reach out to you. She gave it to you on a silver platter man by telling you directly, most girls would text you some random bullshit where what they really mean is that they want to see you and that you should take the initiative. And there is a large group of women that read some bullshit dating books or just have it in the culture (Russians, Ukranians) that hold back their natural feelings and would literally never contact you first, even if it means they'd lose you even when they think you're awesome. Really? Never knew about the Russians and Ukrainians doing that. Actually ties together a lot of loose ends if it's true.
It's part of the culture. What you do is simple - just call them once per week, set a date, get off the phone. And leave the dates 6-10 days apart, even if it takes a few months (it might). And when they eventually do text you on their own for whatever reason before you call them, you ask them out in the first reply, at an earlier day that you usually would.
This is the same thing with all girls as with hand holding and kissing as the guy mentioned - let girls come to you at their own pace, and when they do you take decisive action to move it forward. Whenever a girl contacts you for whatever reason, even if it's the morning after your date you ask her out immediately. And when they don't, you just wait 3-4 days, call to set up a date 6-10 days after the first one.
That's all phone is for - setting up times when you can be together and build your affection for one another. And when a girl falls for you, you won't have to initiate ever again and she will be texting you constantly, and all you have to do is schedule a date when she reaches out to you.
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On October 12 2015 15:00 [Phantom] wrote:
While I understand that it's better to be more decisive and take the initiative, I don't know if the behavior of this girl of "I'll ask you out then don't answer you for four days" is..excusable. Maybe she wanted me to like insist? I'm not playing that kind of game anymore.
I agree. If I had my eye on her for a while, I probably would have contributed more to the planning, but she did start the conversation and didn't even offer any options. Playing that kind of game is bullshit.
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On October 12 2015 21:03 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On October 12 2015 13:48 [Phantom] wrote:So I met a girl, we hung out once and two days later, this girl says to me in whatsapp something like: Tuesday: Girl:Hey! lets go out this thursday Me:Sure, What do you want to do? What are you doing man, this is awful. This is how it goes Girl:Hey! lets go out this thursday
Me: Sure, meet me 6pm at corner of street A and B, see you there! P.S. make sure you're hungry.And you take her to your favorite restaurant. Fin. Show nested quote +On October 12 2015 13:48 [Phantom] wrote:
This saturday in the night she finally answers with "hi [Phantom]!" and in my mind I'm like "....really?" So I was kind of mad for that and also busy, so I don't answer and leave it in seen. Today I say hi to her and...she leaves me in seen rofl.
Well, that died pretty quickly before it even started! Her: "hi [Phantom]!"
You: "Oh hey you, I'd love to take you out, is Wedneday or Thursday better for you?"
Her: "bla bla bla, Wednesday"
You: Sweet! Meet me 6pm at corner of street A and B, see you there! P.S. make sure you're hungry.And you take her to your favorite restaurant. Fin. Alternatively: Her:"not sure, schedule stuff... *random excuse*...anything else
You: No worries, get in touch when you know when you're free because I'd love to see you Girl! You guys like way over complicate things. It's simple really, phone is for setting dates, and it's your job to set them, and hers to reach out to you. She gave it to you on a silver platter man by telling you directly, most girls would text you some random bullshit where what they really mean is that they want to see you and that you should take the initiative. And there is a large group of women that read some bullshit dating books or just have it in the culture (Russians, Ukranians) that hold back their natural feelings and would literally never contact you first, even if it means they'd lose you even when they think you're awesome.
I strongly dislike the idea of gender/ sex roles when it comes to dating, whether it's Who is supposed to organize things, Who is supposed to pay, Who is supposed to be chivalrous, Who is supposed to make the first move, Who is supposed to play hard to get, etc. How about both parties contribute a fair amount to everything, both parties act like adults, and both parties remain transparent and open and honest?
There are girls who don't play bullshit games, just like how there are guys who do stupid dating shit too. It gets to the point where people are trying to metagame the dating scene and things end up feeling even more futile because people aren't aware that in the last patch, men's wallets got buffed and women's communication skills got nerfed.
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Well women are different from men biologically and evolutionary, so there are bound to be some differences.
I guess you can hate it, but that's just the way it is, and you will be way more successful with women if you take the initiative. I personally, love planning dates and planning surprises for her. If you don't and you have an issue with taking the initiative then by all means - as you said there are girls that will take it 50%+ times and you will repel most women (who are incompatible in the first place with you) in the process of finding them, and that's okay.
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On October 12 2015 23:24 LemOn wrote:
Well women are different from men biologically and evolutionary, so there are bound to be some differences.
I guess you can hate it, but that's just the way it is
Meh, that's such a non sequitur. Just because one person has a penis and one person has a vagina doesn't mean that men have to plan everything and women aren't allowed to hold doors open for men. That's lowering the bar so significantly for what relationships and dates should be like.
I personally, love planning dates and planning surprises for her.
Me too, but that doesn't mean that all men are required to do that every time and that women shouldn't reciprocate, simply because of their biology.
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On October 12 2015 23:45 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On October 12 2015 23:24 LemOn wrote:
Well women are different from men biologically and evolutionary, so there are bound to be some differences.
I guess you can hate it, but that's just the way it is Meh, that's such a non sequitur. Just because one person has a penis and one person has a vagina doesn't mean that men have to plan everything and women aren't allowed to hold doors open for men. That's lowering the bar so significantly for what relationships and dates should be like. Me too, but that doesn't mean that all men are required to do that every time and that women shouldn't reciprocate, simply because of their biology.
They dont have to, but on the other hand good looking young women really dont need to plan dates. The next guy who does is just around the corner for them.
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Yeah I can't stand girls who does shit like that, that would definitely be a dealbreaker for me. I would want a girl who can make decisions herself, not some passive girl who doesn't know what she wants.
It's like the girl I asked out on a date for dinner a while back in this thread. She said she had a bf, texted me that she had dumped him. I said something like "What do you want me to do with that information? You already know what I want." According to Lemon might have wanted me to ask her out again but I sure as hell wouldn't even if I knew she wanted me to.
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On October 13 2015 00:25 Snotling wrote:Show nested quote +On October 12 2015 23:45 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On October 12 2015 23:24 LemOn wrote:
Well women are different from men biologically and evolutionary, so there are bound to be some differences.
I guess you can hate it, but that's just the way it is Meh, that's such a non sequitur. Just because one person has a penis and one person has a vagina doesn't mean that men have to plan everything and women aren't allowed to hold doors open for men. That's lowering the bar so significantly for what relationships and dates should be like. I personally, love planning dates and planning surprises for her. Me too, but that doesn't mean that all men are required to do that every time and that women shouldn't reciprocate, simply because of their biology. They dont have to, but on the other hand good looking young women really dont need to plan dates. The next guy who does is just around the corner for them.
Very true, but one might want to think twice about dating a girl who acts entitled and assumes that you'll be doing everything for her just because she's pretty. I'd much rather have a girl with substance and who can participate properly in a relationship, instead of just following around a hot girl like a dog (among a pack of other dogs chasing her too).
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We'd all probably rather have a substantial girl than a pretty vapid one. But there's give and take in each category, just like with guys. Is she pretty? 70/100. Is she substantial? 90/100. Is she fun to be around? 50/100. Generally, people can attribute about the same weight to people in these categories, but they put different emphasis on certain traits. Some guys put it almost entirely on appearance. Some folks could hardly give less of a shit. Some have certain cutoffs for looks, so she can't look like a garbage can, after which they stop caring as much. But given all of these preferences then each girl has a different "score" for each guy. So maybe some guys are willing to put up with a vapid pretty girl that acts entitled, just because she's pretty. How highly she scores on your scale determines whether you should be willing to put in that effort. If she fails all of your scores, then unless she's knocking at your door don't make an effort. If she's high in all of them, then go out and try.
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Mexico2170 Posts
On October 12 2015 21:03 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On October 12 2015 13:48 [Phantom] wrote:So I met a girl, we hung out once and two days later, this girl says to me in whatsapp something like: Tuesday: Girl:Hey! lets go out this thursday Me:Sure, What do you want to do? What are you doing man, this is awful. This is how it goes Girl:Hey! lets go out this thursday
Me: Sure, meet me 6pm at corner of street A and B, see you there! P.S. make sure you're hungry.And you take her to your favorite restaurant. Fin. Show nested quote +On October 12 2015 13:48 [Phantom] wrote:
This saturday in the night she finally answers with "hi [Phantom]!" and in my mind I'm like "....really?" So I was kind of mad for that and also busy, so I don't answer and leave it in seen. Today I say hi to her and...she leaves me in seen rofl.
Well, that died pretty quickly before it even started! Her: "hi [Phantom]!"
You: "Oh hey you, I'd love to take you out, is Wedneday or Thursday better for you?"
Her: "bla bla bla, Wednesday"
You: Sweet! Meet me 6pm at corner of street A and B, see you there! P.S. make sure you're hungry.And you take her to your favorite restaurant. Fin. Alternatively: Her:"not sure, schedule stuff... *random excuse*...anything else
You: No worries, get in touch when you know when you're free because I'd love to see you Girl! You guys like way over complicate things. It's simple really, phone is for setting dates, and it's your job to set them, and hers to reach out to you. She gave it to you on a silver platter man by telling you directly, most girls would text you some random bullshit where what they really mean is that they want to see you and that you should take the initiative. And there is a large group of women that read some bullshit dating books or just have it in the culture (Russians, Ukranians) that hold back their natural feelings and would literally never contact you first, even if it means they'd lose you even when they think you're awesome.
Right so this comment made me laugh a lot for some reason xD
So I still think it was dumb for her to not answer for 4 days and I am with Bloodwhore, DarkPlasmaBall and WarSame in that regard but I must admit something and it's that you sound pretty convincing.
What you say might be bullshit, but it sounds cool and makes sense. I know confidence is important, and altough I still think what she did was dumb, what I'm thinking right now is that if I think of what you said as "cool and confident", she might too.
So I'll bite, this is what I'll do. I will not talk to this girl and just do my stuff without thinking much about it, but if she gets back to me saying hi or anything I'll do what you said and see how it goes.
The only thing I'm not sure about is where I would take her. Would it be better to take her to eat something or drink something?
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On October 13 2015 01:04 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Yeah I can't stand girls who does shit like that, that would definitely be a dealbreaker for me. I would want a girl who can make decisions herself, not some passive girl who doesn't know what she wants.
It's like the girl I asked out on a date for dinner a while back in this thread. She said she had a bf, texted me that she had dumped him. I said something like "What do you want me to do with that information? You already know what I want." According to Lemon might have wanted me to ask her out again but I sure as hell wouldn't even if I knew she wanted me to.
Umm no? I'm talking about girls you want. I personally don't mind girls like that as fuck buddies, but it is about what you want. And girls like guys who go after what they want, I don't really understand it but when you plan a date and take initiative it probably correlates with the likelihood of you having control of your life and taking action. Same as girls liking guys who are always busy with their passions in life, I guess it's subconsciously imprinted in girls over the millenia, can't really say, but it's how they think.
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EPT
