EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 711
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46243 Posts
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8913 Posts
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46243 Posts
On October 10 2015 11:44 evilfatsh1t wrote: wow your love life was the kind of shit you see in the movies. i actually envy people who find their partner like that Me? I got really lucky  | ||
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
On October 10 2015 10:47 MotherFox wrote: On the topic of worst date, I suppose in the 8th grade I invited a girl to a dance and she accepted, but only because she wanted to spend as much time with my best friend as possible. She was super into him, and I don't think said a single word to me the entire night once we arrived at the school. Damn... did they get together at least? | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46243 Posts
On October 10 2015 12:21 B.I.G. wrote: so DPB you and your fiancee never lived together? Doesn't it worry that you might argue too much about things that aren't an issue when not living together? That's a really good point, and that's probably the biggest issue with how our relationship played out (out of necessity really... there was never an opportunity for us to live together). We could start living together now for the year and a half before our engagement, but there are certain reasons why we're not doing that as of right now. First, we want to make sure we're saving as much money as possible for our wedding/ eventual house/ future together, so we decided against renting an apartment for now, because we would be flushing half our paychecks down the toilet on rent and utilities and other unnecessary costs. I'm living at home with my family and she's living at home with hers, and for family-related reasons, we're not living together at either house. We still get to see each other all the time, which is great, and we've spent enough time together over the past nine years that we're aware of each other's idiosyncrasies and can deal with them already. So it's certainly a valid concern in general, especially for couples who have only been together for a short amount of time, but I think we'll be okay | ||
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arb
Noobville17922 Posts
On October 10 2015 12:35 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: That's a really good point, and that's probably the biggest issue with how our relationship played out (out of necessity really... there was never an opportunity for us to live together). We could start living together now for the year and a half before our engagement, but there are certain reasons why we're not doing that as of right now. First, we want to make sure we're saving as much money as possible for our wedding/ eventual house/ future together, so we decided against renting an apartment for now, because we would be flushing half our paychecks down the toilet on rent and utilities and other unnecessary costs. I'm living at home with my family and she's living at home with hers, and for family-related reasons, we're not living together at either house. We still get to see each other all the time, which is great, and we've spent enough time together over the past nine years that we're aware of each other's idiosyncrasies and can deal with them already. So it's certainly a valid concern in general, especially for couples who have only been together for a short amount of time, but I think we'll be okay Dont think you know how much different it is when you live with each other living with someone is a completely different thing even if you have been together that long eventually even little things you never noticed before will start to get to you | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46243 Posts
On October 10 2015 13:21 arb wrote: Dont think you know how much different it is when you live with each other living with someone is a completely different thing even if you have been together that long eventually even little things you never noticed before will start to get to you Haha I know If it adds any additional perspective, it's not like I've only hung out with her on weekends... we've spent weeks- up to about a month straight- living together non-stop, on multiple occasions over the years. And it's just a chance I'll have to take  | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
But nowadays you don't become an outcast because you get divorced, it just makes it harder to breakup, Marriage just doesn't change that much in practice these days in the western society. | ||
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APurpleCow
United States1372 Posts
A bit of a late bloomer at age 22, but I'm getting thereeee | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On October 10 2015 23:43 APurpleCow wrote: Have my first second date today :DDD A bit of a late bloomer at age 22, but I'm getting thereeee Awesome! What did you do on your first date? What are you doing on your second date? | ||
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APurpleCow
United States1372 Posts
On October 10 2015 23:44 bloodwhore~ wrote: Awesome! What did you do on your first date? What are you doing on your second date? First date was dinner+ice cream for dessert, then to the arcade to play games (had my arm around her and her snuggling into me!), and finally walking her home holding hands. Today we're going to a corn maze! Probably watch a movie after that, or get dinner (or both). Going to try to get her to come back to my place for the movie haha | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On October 11 2015 00:04 APurpleCow wrote: First date was dinner+ice cream for dessert, then to the arcade to play games (had my arm around her and her snuggling into me!), and finally walking her home holding hands. Today we're going to a corn maze! Probably watch a movie after that, or get dinner (or both). Going to try to get her to come back to my place for the movie haha Holding hands on the first date? ![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/lsivzPZ.jpg) I guess you've talked to her a lot before, otherwise you guys are moving pretty fast! Good luck! | ||
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Fyodor
Canada971 Posts
On October 10 2015 23:43 APurpleCow wrote: Have my first second date today :DDD A bit of a late bloomer at age 22, but I'm getting thereeee Doesn't matter when you start bro. The baller in you was just taking a nap is all. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46243 Posts
On October 11 2015 00:04 APurpleCow wrote: First date was dinner+ice cream for dessert, then to the arcade to play games (had my arm around her and her snuggling into me!), and finally walking her home holding hands. Today we're going to a corn maze! Probably watch a movie after that, or get dinner (or both). Going to try to get her to come back to my place for the movie haha That's really exciting! Congratulations! I approve of your date itineraries too | ||
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MotherFox
United States1529 Posts
On October 10 2015 12:09 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: Damn... did they get together at least? Sadly, he did not care for her much--- so it was an awkward 8th grade train of kids who were into the next one in line. | ||
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MotherFox
United States1529 Posts
On October 10 2015 13:21 arb wrote: Dont think you know how much different it is when you live with each other living with someone is a completely different thing even if you have been together that long eventually even little things you never noticed before will start to get to you This isn't true for everyone, but it is true for a lot(most?) of people. I'm kind of amazed how bad humans are at simply letting go of small things. My wife and I didn't live together until we were married, but we are both very laid back people. Like, oh--- you forgot to do the dishes. I guess that kind of sucks, but it's a fixable problem, so whatever. Though even being super laid back some days you get home and three things she said she'd do are not done: first reaction is "WTF WOMAN". But then you kind of gotta just take a step back, breath, and remind yourself that you're human and screw up on your chores too. Then ask yourself what's going on in her life that might make her drop the ball on a few chores. Usually that's the more important question than "why didn't you empty the dishwasher like you said you would?" | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46243 Posts
On October 11 2015 02:33 MotherFox wrote: This isn't true for everyone, but it is true for a lot(most?) of people. I'm kind of amazed how bad humans are at simply letting go of small things. My wife and I didn't live together until we were married, but we are both very laid back people. Like, oh--- you forgot to do the dishes. I guess that kind of sucks, but it's a fixable problem, so whatever. Though even being super laid back some days you get home and three things she said she'd do are not done: first reaction is "WTF WOMAN". But then you kind of gotta just take a step back, breath, and remind yourself that you're human and screw up on your chores too. Then ask yourself what's going on in her life that might make her drop the ball on a few chores. Usually that's the more important question than "why didn't you empty the dishwasher like you said you would?" That's a good philosophy, and your sig fits quite nicely too. | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On October 11 2015 02:33 MotherFox wrote: This isn't true for everyone, but it is true for a lot(most?) of people. I'm kind of amazed how bad humans are at simply letting go of small things. My wife and I didn't live together until we were married, but we are both very laid back people. Like, oh--- you forgot to do the dishes. I guess that kind of sucks, but it's a fixable problem, so whatever. Though even being super laid back some days you get home and three things she said she'd do are not done: first reaction is "WTF WOMAN". But then you kind of gotta just take a step back, breath, and remind yourself that you're human and screw up on your chores too. Then ask yourself what's going on in her life that might make her drop the ball on a few chores. Usually that's the more important question than "why didn't you empty the dishwasher like you said you would?" Second that, including arb's part. Usually I am very careful with words like friendship etc. but in terms of relationship I am a bit less nit-picking, otherwise my partner would probably feel terrible insulted. But even though I call it relationship, I don’t mean it in such a serious manner as it usually would incline a lot of principles and duties that I couldn’t honestly justify until I am really sure about the whole thing. Unless the relationship lasted a serious amount of time I am definitely less committed as I don’t feel sure yet. The state of a “real” relationship with all the principles and duties I would say is reached after living together for at least a year, otherwise there is just so much you both can’t be sure of and I wouldn’t feel like I am close to really knowing my partner. For living together the advice MotherFox gave is really the best. Unless you live with a total slacker, there is usually a reason that is more important than the problem itself and as a partner you should be able to realize that and act accordingly. I once came home in the evening to my girlfriend that I lived together with for a bit more than 4 years at that point, only to find the kitchen being a real mess. She had baked a cake for someone at work in the morning and didn’t had the time to clean up afterwards. Also the fridge was almost empty as she hadn’t gone shopping like she should. At that time I had with university and work combined a straight 70hour-week. It was Wednesday which always was particularly hard at that time. I would get up at 4am, get some breakfast, often wouldn’t have the time to take something with me for lunch, which would mean I would return home around 7:30pm with breakfast being the only meal of the day because of my tight schedule, which was the case that day. Also she would been a few hours earlier than me. Her not doing the chores has been a problem in the past, especially the groceries had been an issue multiple times because I eat a lot and occasionally even more, which she tend to forget at times. When I got home she just came out of the bathroom and saw me looking at the kitchen and fridge. She panicked a bit but instead of confronting her I simply picked her up, carried her to the bed, tucked her in and started a DVD of her favourite tv series. I then asked her if she already had dinner and if I should get her something, went for groceries, made a quick dinner, cleaned the kitchen and then asked her about her day. As I assumed, some shit happened at work, a superior that was known for harassment and abusing his powers (which she didn’t knew at the time) threatened her with serious consequences after she refused some orders from him. In the end everything went fine. I convinced her to speak to her boss about the issue since she was right in refusing the orders, her boss told her that there was nothing she had to worry about and a few month later the abusive ass got demoted because he did the same thing to another new employee. That Wednesday evening though, she didn’t thought about it going away that easy and instead spend the whole time worrying about it. Coming home late and then having not enough to eat at home because of her forgetting to keep it in mind has been an issue in the past, but even then I never lost it but rather talked about it. Only once I was a bit harsher about it but it was justified and I also made sure that it really was because she forgot. The same thing applies to almost every conflict that comes up in a relationship. Find out what the real problem is, then choose a proper reaction. There are some questions I always kept in mind: - To whom is it more important? If I care less about something we don’t agree on, I probably should at least consider to give in. <- this will make things like furnishing your home a much better experience. - Is it worth the hassle? Especially small things can extremely annoy you, if you don’t keep in mind how small they really are. What would be the best solution in the long run? Sometimes it’s not worth fighting about something but rather learn to simply life with it. - Am I really upset about this, or am I upset because something else is stressing me at the moment? - Do I really care, or do I just contradict because I feel like I have to? <- This almost never was a problem for me as I am good (sometimes too good) at making a compromise, but I learned that it is a common mistake: The assumption of you giving in so often that you have to contradict this one time. - Everyone can fuck up. Bad moods can lead to you getting struck by anger that should be aimed towards someone else. Don’t take this personally, just learn to deal with it. If needed, you can talk about it afterwards. | ||
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APurpleCow
United States1372 Posts
On October 11 2015 01:43 bloodwhore~ wrote: Holding hands on the first date? + Show Spoiler + I guess you've talked to her a lot before, otherwise you guys are moving pretty fast! Good luck! It went really well! We hadn't talked a lot before (we'd only met twice before the first date), but I guess I don't know what the normal timeline for this is so I just went for it haha I had my arm around her the whole corn maze and played with her hair, touched her neck, etc. Setting up a third date for next weekend | ||
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