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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
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Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On October 08 2015 12:19 LemOn wrote:
Seriously setting a week where you strike a conversation with 100 random girls and ask those that attract you will move your life forward so much
I WILL (go for it, wont approach 100 per week though that's crrazzzy;) )! I always end up hating that I didn't go for it either a few hours later. It's really silly that I never seem to learn 
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yeah 100 girls has to be an exaggeration
thats like 14-15 girls a day. what a massive waste of time and energy rofl
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I don't know about 100 girls per se, but I agree with LemOn that just saying "fuck it, I have nothing to lose" and just going out to meet and start a conversation with new people can be a pretty good idea for single people who are stuck in a rut. It at least gives you practice, and maybe you end up making new friends/ dates along the way. I think it's also a good example of showing confidence that might impress people. Just recognize that you shouldn't be taking any rejections personally... it's their loss.
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Solid advice for most men, but what if you're introverted?
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On October 08 2015 20:07 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
I don't know about 100 girls per se, but I agree with LemOn that just saying "fuck it, I have nothing to lose" and just going out to meet and start a conversation with new people can be a pretty good idea for single people who are stuck in a rut. It at least gives you practice, and maybe you end up making new friends/ dates along the way. I think it's also a good example of showing confidence that might impress people. Just recognize that you shouldn't be taking any rejections personally... it's their loss.
I agree with that I shouldn't have pussied out yesterday. Hopefully I will see her again soon 
Solid advice for most men, but what if you're introverted?
I would say I am an introvert. I still think you should go for it.
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United Kingdom36161 Posts
On October 08 2015 20:07 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Just recognize that you shouldn't be taking any rejections personally... it's their loss.
I agree with the not taking it personally thing. Never got the "it's their loss" thing though. You want them, they don't want you, it's pretty clearly not their loss.
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On October 08 2015 20:55 marvellosity wrote:Show nested quote +On October 08 2015 20:07 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Just recognize that you shouldn't be taking any rejections personally... it's their loss. I agree with the not taking it personally thing. Never got the "it's their loss" thing though. You want them, they don't want you, it's pretty clearly not their loss.
It's about self-confidence. As long as you know of yourself that you're not a total douche, you can view yourself as a good person and an addition to the significant other. Meaning, that if they don't want you, they're missing out on the best guy they'll ever get. Thus "their loss".
Now, this is taken a little bit out of context, but it is a very good confidence boost for yourself.
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On October 08 2015 16:44 evilfatsh1t wrote:
yeah 100 girls has to be an exaggeration
thats like 14-15 girls a day. what a massive waste of time and energy rofl
if you go to e.g. a frequent mall or a busy street then walking up to 14 girls should take you around an hour?
I haven't really done this in a mall myself, but often at street festivals, social gatherings, in clubs at bars where I went to sober. So many times you just walk up to a girl, say hello, notice something about her/ask whatever you feel like asking. And when they don't respond to your questions, don't hold eye contact, seem disinterested, boring(ed) etc. You just put in a wide smile, turn around and walk away without saying a word. And for me that happens like with 60% of girls within first few minutes?
On October 08 2015 20:55 marvellosity wrote:Show nested quote +On October 08 2015 20:07 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Just recognize that you shouldn't be taking any rejections personally... it's their loss. I agree with the not taking it personally thing. Never got the "it's their loss" thing though. You want them, they don't want you, it's pretty clearly not their loss.
Or when you walk up to enough people, and you get an experience that you always meet someone awesome who welcomes your company sooner or later, they you just stop caring and don't need any mindset. At first you can tell yourself that every rejection brings you closer to great people, and then you just stop caring altogether and don't even remember the people that didn't respond positively to you.
On October 08 2015 20:35 Laurens wrote:
Solid advice for most men, but what if you're introverted?
Only difference is that you'll just need more courage at first in walking up to someone. but the rest of the principles are the same. You don't need to be a loud clown to get great women, or friends for that matter - all you need to do is ask questions about them and learn how to express your feelings slowly. I think walking up to random people saying "Hi, I'm kind of an introvert and I just wanted to see if I can walk up to a complete stranger and say hello to them - and here I am" without any goals in mind besides doing just that would be a fun start!
When I first started walking up to strangers in my first door-to-door sales job I actually stood there embarrassed, unable to speak. And once I even had to go to the fields and breathe deeply to calm myself down for like 2 hours after talking to 20 people to be able to continue. No matter how anti social you are, that anxiety will eventually be much much lower, and even though it never goes away, it can turn into you starting to understand it as excitement eventually.
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United Kingdom36161 Posts
On October 08 2015 21:20 WonnaPlay wrote:Show nested quote +On October 08 2015 20:55 marvellosity wrote:On October 08 2015 20:07 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Just recognize that you shouldn't be taking any rejections personally... it's their loss. I agree with the not taking it personally thing. Never got the "it's their loss" thing though. You want them, they don't want you, it's pretty clearly not their loss. It's about self-confidence. As long as you know of yourself that you're not a total douche, you can view yourself as a good person and an addition to the significant other. Meaning, that if they don't want you, they're missing out on the best guy they'll ever get. Thus "their loss". Now, this is taken a little bit out of context, but it is a very good confidence boost for yourself.
I get the sentiment behind it, it just doesn't make sense to me for the reason I said. You can be awesome and know you're awesome and you're still not what they're looking for, it doesn't make it their loss.
I guess I just find it an unnecessary sleight of hand.
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if you go to e.g. a frequent mall or a busy street then walking up to 14 girls should take you around an hour?
I don't know but that would feel a bit to pick up artistry for me. And if I would go about to look for someone like that I would aim for someone who also studied at my university. However going around for an hour asking out girls at campus is kind of weird imo.
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On October 08 2015 20:35 Laurens wrote:
Solid advice for most men, but what if you're introverted?
That depends, I think. I'd imagine that introverts have a tougher time going out of their way to meet new people by definition (since it appears as though they have to compromise some parts of their preferences and become a bit more extroverted). I'd rather not try to categorize based on label though (surely there's a spectrum), so I would just say that a person needs to be willing to start a conversation with a stranger- and be motivated and interesting and interested enough to keep that conversation going- if you'd like to meet new people/ make new friends/ find new opportunities for intimacy. For some people that's easy and for some people that's difficult, regardless of what kind of "-vert" you label yourself. (Also regardless of your sex, you should be willing to make the first move.)
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On October 08 2015 20:55 marvellosity wrote:Show nested quote +On October 08 2015 20:07 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Just recognize that you shouldn't be taking any rejections personally... it's their loss. I agree with the not taking it personally thing. Never got the "it's their loss" thing though. You want them, they don't want you, it's pretty clearly not their loss.
More of a defense mechanism kind of thing imo. You need to practice and build confidence, and so you shouldn't necessarily be crying and deterred over every "failed" attempt. It's better to use them as learning experiences, assess them as objectively as possible, and understand that sometimes two people don't click. Then move on and try again.
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On October 08 2015 20:35 Laurens wrote:
Solid advice for most men, but what if you're introverted?
the point of trying to strike up convo with a buttload of different people just because is to overcome your fear of being rejected, introverted, and just learning how to hold a random ass conversation.
while the origin of the idea here is for meeting partners, it helps build confidence that easily jumps over to your professional life, or just being more social with people you're not trying to get in bed with. The people who are confident enough to approach someone they find attractive regardless of outcome tend to be the same people who can walk into a place without knowing anyone and strike up a convo, or people who kill it on job interviews and are confident in the work place
even if you're not trying to bone every single person with a pulse, that kind of confidence is really good to have.
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On October 08 2015 22:12 marvellosity wrote:Show nested quote +On October 08 2015 21:20 WonnaPlay wrote:On October 08 2015 20:55 marvellosity wrote:On October 08 2015 20:07 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Just recognize that you shouldn't be taking any rejections personally... it's their loss. I agree with the not taking it personally thing. Never got the "it's their loss" thing though. You want them, they don't want you, it's pretty clearly not their loss. It's about self-confidence. As long as you know of yourself that you're not a total douche, you can view yourself as a good person and an addition to the significant other. Meaning, that if they don't want you, they're missing out on the best guy they'll ever get. Thus "their loss". Now, this is taken a little bit out of context, but it is a very good confidence boost for yourself. I get the sentiment behind it, it just doesn't make sense to me for the reason I said. You can be awesome and know you're awesome and you're still not what they're looking for, it doesn't make it their loss. I guess I just find it an unnecessary sleight of hand.
The better explanation for the saying is that it's their loss because they were presented a single image or impression of you (for whatever reason; you fucked up, they were in a bad mood, it was raining out) that did not present the "real" you, or a comprehensive picture of you. So they didn't reject "you" so much as the narrow slice of you that they encountered, and it's their loss because they presumably would have had a better opinion of you in your fullness.
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On October 08 2015 22:36 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +if you go to e.g. a frequent mall or a busy street then walking up to 14 girls should take you around an hour?
I don't know but that would feel a bit to pick up artistry for me. And if I would go about to look for someone like that I would aim for someone who also studied at my university. However going around for an hour asking out girls at campus is kind of weird imo.
You want to meet a great girl, you talk to a lot of girls, simple. Anything new you do will feel kinda weird at first.
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On October 08 2015 04:07 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I'd love to take dancing lessons if I had a girl to go with, girls who can dance are sexy as hell. I'd say I have pretty good body control so I could probably get decent at it. It's really intimate and would be pretty awesome to be able to dance well. However going alone seems like it could be a hit or a total miss, maybe you end up having to dance with some guy :/? What kind of dance did they suggest?
Well, they just said to take the beginner classes, or bronze or whatever they're called. And yeah, that's the same thing I'm thinking, what if there's not enough girls or some other weird stuff going on, so I'd say you should also look at who organizes it and see if you can join a class that's organized by one of the groups from your University.
And I also have the same problem as some other posters here: I just can't get myself to talk to many people, although I have improved in the last weeks But it still seems weird to me to approach some random strangers, especially when I can't guess their age, or worse, if there are only groups of people so you have to approach 4-5 at once! It seems that I'm kinda f-ed in the way that I'm largely a shy person, and judging from my success, also not that good looking, so I don't have much to make up for that...
Oh and bloodwhore, 4 dates is already twice as many as I've had, and 2 rejections is much less than what I have. By now I've largely given up hope, but I'll still do my best and try... 
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On October 09 2015 00:24 westgun wrote:Well, they just said to take the beginner classes, or bronze or whatever they're called. And yeah, that's the same thing I'm thinking, what if there's not enough girls or some other weird stuff going on, so I'd say you should also look at who organizes it and see if you can join a class that's organized by one of the groups from your University. And I also have the same problem as some other posters here: I just can't get myself to talk to many people, although I have improved in the last weeks But it still seems weird to me to approach some random strangers, especially when I can't guess their age, or worse, if there are only groups of people so you have to approach 4-5 at once! It seems that I'm kinda f-ed in the way that I'm largely a shy person, and judging from my success, also not that good looking, so I don't have much to make up for that... Oh and bloodwhore, 4 dates is already twice as many as I've had, and 2 rejections is much less than what I have. By now I've largely given up hope, but I'll still do my best and try...
Yeah ok.. might go for a dance lesson if I get a gf. Probably won't use it as a means to get one though .
It's hard to muster up courage. I've thought about the group problem too, it's so much harder to do it when they're not alone. I will definitely ask out the blonde if she is with a friend though, it is so much more ballsy which she probably likes. You're not fucked, it's a numbers game for guys.
Well I'm not really counting girls I've gotten dissed by on tinder, but I am counting the successes there.... which makes it kinda weird. I've gotten dissed plenty on tinder.
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What's it like to get dissed on tinder?
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On October 09 2015 02:07 IgnE wrote:
What's it like to get dissed on tinder?
You're so ugly, when the doctor delivered you as a baby, your mother swiped left.
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On October 09 2015 00:24 westgun wrote:Show nested quote +On October 08 2015 04:07 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I'd love to take dancing lessons if I had a girl to go with, girls who can dance are sexy as hell. I'd say I have pretty good body control so I could probably get decent at it. It's really intimate and would be pretty awesome to be able to dance well. However going alone seems like it could be a hit or a total miss, maybe you end up having to dance with some guy :/? What kind of dance did they suggest?
Well, they just said to take the beginner classes, or bronze or whatever they're called.
Gotta build up that MMR before you get to dance with the Grandmaster-league ladies
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EPT
