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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On October 07 2015 21:57 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I feel like you have misinterpreted me a bit. I don't rate girls other than if I need to explain something to others. What I meant by 10/10 was conventionally beautiful girls by the general audience. I typically crush on slightly, maybe wouldn't say odd, but non-conventional looking girls whatever that means.
I've almost always made my choices based if she is attractive to me. Not sure where you got the feel that I don't.
Well there is my problem, unless you think approaching women on the street is casually meeting girls I don't have any real means of doing just that. Unless I go my way about it, and at that point I might as well resort to online dating.
In other news.
I have a friend who wanted to get Tinder at the point where I first got tinder, he didn't get it because of slightly odd reason however he wants to get it now when that reason is gone. Since both of us don't really have any good pictures I've decided that we're going to have a day where we tryhard, we'll basically spend a day taking photos for tinder.
I apologize then, I misread your posts in a way that made you seem very picky. Only thing I might want to add is that maybe you should replace “attractive” with “not repulsive” and decide based on that since appearance is the only thing you initially have and the deciding factor could be something else. I am not sure though. By casual approach I mend a way to get to know girls without any dating intention at first, but I know how hard this can be. Good luck with tinder, I still would advise for more casual ways like university-activities such as sports etc. but I do know that this can be hard depending on your university. Mine is somewhat big in terms of name and students, shares it programs with another university, but there are still only very few activities for some reason. If you face the same situation I seriously feel for you.
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On October 07 2015 21:57 bloodwhore~ wrote:
In other news.
I have a friend who wanted to get Tinder at the point where I first got tinder, he didn't get it because of slightly odd reason however he wants to get it now when that reason is gone. Since both of us don't really have any good pictures I've decided that we're going to have a day where we tryhard, we'll basically spend a day taking photos for tinder.
Oh dear.
With regards to computer science, my year at Oxford had 16 students, one of them was a girl. Cute Asian type (imo, opinions vary  ). Dated her for a year, life was good. Then she didn't have the grades to do 4th year and went back to Singapore. RIP me.
That relationship started pretty much how dbp described: study and chill. We happened to take the same 5 courses in first term and did some problem sheets together, that led to cooking together as it ran late, visit things together, blabla. Study and chill is legit 
PS: Waffelz, pls use whitespace man, those walls of text are hard to read
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On October 07 2015 22:12 Laurens wrote:That relationship started pretty much how dbp described: study and chill. We happened to take the same 5 courses in first term and did some problem sheets together, that led to cooking together as it ran late, visit things together, blabla. Study and chill is legit
That’s what I talked about. You build your team over the course of the first semesters, after that it becomes pretty static. Study and chill is legit initially, but afterwards gets a lot harder to pull off as groups are set.
PS: Waffelz, pls use whitespace man, those walls of text are hard to read
Get gud scrub
+ Show Spoiler +Just kidding… didn’t seem like a wall of text to me, but I will keep it in mind. Moar paragraphs
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On October 07 2015 22:11 waffelz wrote: I still would advise for more casual ways like university-activities such as sports etc. but I do know that this can be hard depending on your university. Mine is somewhat big in terms of name and students, shares it programs with another university, but there are still only very few activities for some reason. If you face the same situation I seriously feel for you.
This would be what I want to, but between, floor hockey 2-3 per week, climbing twice a week, active in our section as art director I feel I already do enough to pick up another activity. Unfortunately few girls are active in the activities I'm already active in. And I'm won't pick up an activity I don't really love just for the possibility of meeting a girl.
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Don't you go out clubbing on a weekly basis as a student? I thought Sweden had like 60-40% female to male ratio, how hard can it be to meet girls?
I joined a mixed volleyball team, that was a pretty great idea. I don't suppose mixed floor hockey is a thing?
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On October 07 2015 22:23 waffelz wrote:Show nested quote +On October 07 2015 22:12 Laurens wrote:That relationship started pretty much how dbp described: study and chill. We happened to take the same 5 courses in first term and did some problem sheets together, that led to cooking together as it ran late, visit things together, blabla. Study and chill is legit That’s what I talked about. You build your team over the course of the first semesters, after that it becomes pretty static. Study and chill is legit initially, but afterwards gets a lot harder to pull off as groups are set.
This was third year though, she'd been in my classes the previous 2 years as well and there was little contact. I suppose it helps that our year only had 16 students to begin with, everyone kinda knew each other.
e: I meant to add that to the previous post
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On October 07 2015 22:36 Laurens wrote:
Don't you go out clubbing on a weekly basis as a student? I thought Sweden had like 60-40% female to male ratio, how hard can it be to meet girls?
I joined a mixed volleyball team, that was a pretty great idea. I don't suppose mixed floor hockey is a thing?
I'm in my fourth year now and am not as enthusiastic about clubbing anymore. I'd say it is pretty even at the university clubs in regards to ratio, I guess that's what you meant? People generally don't actively try to look for their partners there. I did try to talk to girls in my first two years but I was so awful I kind of stopped. My friend did meet his girlfriend at a rave a year ago so it's certainly doable but I was busy doing ecstasy then hue . Priorities!
You probably could try to find a mixed team but 95% of the teams are teams in their own major. I play with my friends and we have a blast so I don't want to leave it either.
Swedes is a strange kind. Everyone seems to want a partner, but everyone are to scared to do anything about it. You should see the yik yak posts where I live. 10-15% of the posts are about their crush/dating/loneliness. It's an epidemic really. Top post at the moment is about how a guy went up to a girl just to give her a compliment and now a date between them seems to be imminent. Everyone is pissing their pants like an excited dog.
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On October 07 2015 22:58 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Swedes is a strange kind. Everyone seems to want a partner, but everyone are to scared to do anything about it. You should see the yik yak posts where I live. 10-15% of the posts are about their crush/dating/loneliness. It's an epidemic really. Top post at the moment is about how a guy went up to a girl just to give her a compliment and now a date between them seems to be imminent. Everyone is pissing their pants like an excited dog.
Lol, I thought the Finns where Scandinavia’s introverts. I am a bit confused though to why it is not easy to find someone just by approaching them then? Seems like that is what everyone is secretly wishing for, or are they also too shy/scared to just take the chance?
On October 07 2015 22:37 Laurens wrote:
This was third year though, she'd been in my classes the previous 2 years as well and there was little contact. I suppose it helps that our year only had 16 students to begin with, everyone kinda knew each other.
e: I meant to add that to the previous post
Only 16 students are way better terms lol. I thought you were speaking ratio, even school classes tend to be way bigger then that.
In terms of university, we have even more students here and you mostly stick to your group since at least half the people change every semester as they fail some courses and get replaced by the ones who failed the following classes. It is simply not worth learning a new name unless you see him/her at least 2 semesters in a row. You find the ones who are determined and motivated and stick to them.
My university is notorious for their high demands and being "elite" though (aka we don't always teach you better, but simply more/make sure to nuke your freetime as much as possible), elsewhere it might be a bit less fluctuated, but from my previous studies I can tell that at least the size of the courses continues to be an issue that leads to building these mostly static groups.
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On October 08 2015 01:37 waffelz wrote:
Lol, I thought the Finns where Scandinavia’s introverts. I am a bit confused though to why it is not easy to find someone just by approaching them then? Seems like that is what everyone is secretly wishing for, or are they also too shy/scared to just take the chance?
I think most nordic countries are kinda introverted when it comes to dating. It probably is decently easy to get a date here, still scary though. I had two girls I could have approached on my longboard cruise an hour ago, but I didn't since my throat was so god damn dry (read I was to scared). I'll probably at least see one of them again, she lives in my building, next time I see her!
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On October 08 2015 01:46 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I think most nordic countries are kinda introverted when it comes to dating. It probably is decently easy to get a date here, still scary though. I had two girls I could have approached on my longboard cruise an hour ago, but I didn't since my throat was so god damn dry (read I was to scared). I'll probably at least see one of them again, she lives in my building, next time I see her!
I remember having seen an documentary about sexual education where it was noted that Sweden is one of the top countries when it comes to that as well as sexual freedom like accepting all kinds of orientations, but also the fact that women don’t have to hide their desire for it and are more likely to approach men rather than the typical “men has to make the move”. They were more talking about one-night stands though. Either they are wrong or you guys are really weird, having less problems to simply fuck around then to approach something more serious.
Anyways, if I end up being single again, moving to Sweden is now my backup-plan for not becoming a forever alone  . Nice country, good climate, decent internet and a good dating pool
I didn’t expect you to be scared, you come off way more secure in here. Does this usually happen to you, or was it an exception? If it was an exception, you have to approach her again if possible as it may be a sign that you are more into her then you thought. Otherwise you propably still should try it of course
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On October 08 2015 02:06 waffelz wrote:I didn’t expect you to be scared, you come off way more secure in here. Does this usually happen to you, or was it an exception? If it was an exception, you have to approach her again if possible as it may be a sign that you are more into her then you thought. Otherwise you propably still should try it of course
I think swedes are pretty good at the sex thing when you've broken the ice. It's just that you never ever talk to strangers here.
Well scared maybe is the wrong word. I just tend to overthink shit when it comes to approaching.
The first girl I saw was in the middle of the cruise. She was cute but looked kind of young, she could have been like 17 but at the same time she could have been 25 but just young looking. So I thought I would need to ask her how old she was before asking her out, and then I thought, fuck that.
The other girl I saw I got back to my building. Now I was tired, kind of sweaty. She was walking before me to the entrance and held the door for me, what was suppose to be a thanks was more of a *thahvksh*. My throat was SO dry. Anyway I thought since she obviously lives here I'll just ask her out another time since that wouldn't be the optimal time.
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Well, it seems like I have the same problem as most others here: University is a sausagefest and everything I do outside of Uni has either barely any girls and/or most of them are taken... What some of my friends suggested was taking dance courses, as most of them are overfilled with girls they said, but I don't know.
On October 08 2015 02:27 bloodwhore~ wrote:
The other girl I saw I got back to my building. Now I was tired, kind of sweaty. She was walking before me to the entrance and held the door for me, what was suppose to be a thanks was more of a *thahvksh*. My throat was SO dry. Anyway I thought since she obviously lives here I'll just ask her out another time since that wouldn't be the optimal time.
As for that, there's no better time than now, as I've learned. If you keep pushing it back you never know how your next meeting will go, or who's with her, or whatever. So I guess this phrase applies here: "Just do it!" And I find it amazing how much contact you have with women but still not manage to make a move.
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On October 08 2015 03:13 westgun wrote:
Well, it seems like I have the same problem as most others here: University is a sausagefest and everything I do outside of Uni has either barely any girls and/or most of them are taken... What some of my friends suggested was taking dance courses, as most of them are overfilled with girls they said, but I don't know.
As for that, there's no better time than now, as I've learned. If you keep pushing it back you never know how your next meeting will go, or who's with her, or whatever. So I guess this phrase applies here: "Just do it!" And I find it amazing how much contact you have with women but still not manage to make a move.
I'd love to take dancing lessons if I had a girl to go with, girls who can dance are sexy as hell. I'd say I have pretty good body control so I could probably get decent at it. It's really intimate and would be pretty awesome to be able to dance well. However going alone seems like it could be a hit or a total miss, maybe you end up having to dance with some guy :/? What kind of dance did they suggest?
Yeah I know, I probably should have gone for it but now it's late. A lot of contact? I'm not sure what you qualify as contact but having a girl being kind and holding a door for me I wouldn't say is contact . I've gone on dates with 4 girls. Asked out another 2 which rejected me. Not that many really, not very bad odds though either in my opinion :D.
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Woops was going to edit my last. Accidentally quoted instead.
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I finally met a girl from OKcupid I was chatting a lot with, we already exchanged our phone numbers and had a great time. Turns out she lives on the next street ahah
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On October 08 2015 10:03 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:
I finally met a girl from OKcupid I was chatting a lot with, we already exchanged our phone numbers and had a great time. Turns out she lives on the next street ahah
Well that's insanely convenient! You've never seen her before in the neighborhood?
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On October 06 2015 15:39 bloodwhore~ wrote:Did she say why? Nothing to worry about still.. Show nested quote +You need to do things that lead to intimacy. Chit-chatting for 3 dates is cringe worthy. Well just talking for two dates then inviting her over for netflix and chill wouldn't be that weird. Depending where you go on your first two dates you might not have great opportunities for intimacy. Not everyone have a need to go physical fast either. Probably should have gone for a kiss at least at the end of the second date though if he did think she was beautiful.
I deleted the text message but it was very close to: "I thought you were great but I don't see us working long term as more than friends." We are both "older" (27/28) and looking for marriage partners, not bang-bang-bang.
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On October 07 2015 19:08 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On October 07 2015 18:30 LemOn wrote:On October 07 2015 09:40 waffelz wrote:On October 07 2015 09:01 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Pro-tip from someone who was in college for ten years (undergrad, grad, doctoral programs) and now teaches at the college level: There are many, many courses (especially the higher level ones) where students tend to have an easier time if they collaborate with their classmates (in addition to solo studying and talking to the professor). This includes studying for exams and doing homework. And so it's certainly not a rare or weird occurrence to see people studying together. You can also make small talk and bond during this time, which can let you get to know her (and vice-versa). It obviously doesn't have to be in your bedroom and end with sex + Show Spoiler +Save that shit for the final exam And it's helped me pick up a few girls as well (primarily math or science or psychology girls), although waffelz is right that I've been monogamous now for the better part of 9 years (and I'm engaged) But I'm not that old... I'm 27 lol. That makes you a bit older than me, which means you are history. History that I envy, but still . But in all seriousness, yes group study can be positive but most of the times, the groups of students who interact more with each other form very early, most often after the first 2 semesters amongst those who “survived” the supposedly hard courses. After that, they more or less stick to their groups and if someone reaches out it’s usually because he lost his group for some reason. This is especially true in universities with lots of students. Unless two groups merge, you are unlikely to get to know new people that way, at least to my knowledge. I should also note that computer science usually includes a lot of group projects and if you get to know a few reliable students this way, they are most likely to be your group for the rest of your studies. I know what you are getting at, but I attended 2 universities studying 2 different subjects so far and also worked as a teacher and observed this kind of herd-mentality. If you come out of the blue and ask a girl if she wants to “chill and study”, at least over here it most likely wouldn’t go well. Unless she greatly struggles with the course, doesn't have a group or is already into you. Also, in computer science, pretty much every girl already gets swarmed. We are supposed to have about 25% female students, but I can’t confirm that(even math has more ffs...). On the other hand, I have to admit that I met my current girlfriend this way. It wasn’t planned that way though and is a bit different since she didn’t attend the same university or even studied the same subject at that time, they just overlap occasionally – and I technically knocked her out before . If I would look around now, there would be hardly any female student who don’t already get swarmed by honest helpers and those who have alternative intentions. When this works out you always think in hindsight: „well, that was easy”, disregarding that it was huge luck and you more or less walked into it. Your approach might work in a subject where there are more women so they don’t get that annoyed by the constant male attention, but as bloodwhore said, “computer science isn’t exactly the mecca of girls”. Here you would most likely get kindly rejected. Maybe the courses he shares with electrical engineering have a higher rate of female students but aside from that you basically lost if you haven’t set your claim earlier. Or you get exploited. Dating world is a cruel place at times. EDIT: To elaborate further, my current girlfriend and I ended up studying together because she was highly annoyed by the male helpers in her university and we got in contact through a chain of random events. If a friend mine hadn’t suggested me to her, emphasizing my honesty and respectful sense for distance she hadn’t even tried just because she was so fed up with her male fellow students. This is common sense, nothing cruel about it. Why would a girl want to be with someone who essentially is a weasel con-artist/liar/coward who helps her just because there might be a chance of getting involved with her, instead of actually expressing what he feels about her, and what he wants to do? Doing some service for her and expecting romantic reward is basically treating her as a prostitute. I'm not sure why you're talking about weasels and cowards and prostitutes, but having study sessions in college and making small talk don't imply any of that. It was just one way (out of the many others I listed. including "parties/ organizations/ clubs/ social mixers/ events/ sports games/ other university-wide gatherings") to actually get to talk with people.
Yeah it's cool if you actually want to study with someone, without any side goals or intentions, guy or girl and then it just happens that you discover you're attracted to one another. But Waffelz was talking about the guys that his GF's annoyed with - they are already attracted to a girl, and instead of telling her that they pretend they want to help them out instead of directly just asking them out. Or even telling them that and then say you'd like to spend some time together to get to know here, be it studying or whatever.
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On October 08 2015 11:43 Bigtony wrote:Show nested quote +On October 06 2015 15:39 bloodwhore~ wrote:da fuq. Oh well I wasn't that into her I guess.
Did she say why? Nothing to worry about still.. You need to do things that lead to intimacy. Chit-chatting for 3 dates is cringe worthy. Well just talking for two dates then inviting her over for netflix and chill wouldn't be that weird. Depending where you go on your first two dates you might not have great opportunities for intimacy. Not everyone have a need to go physical fast either. Probably should have gone for a kiss at least at the end of the second date though if he did think she was beautiful. I deleted the text message but it was very close to: "I thought you were great but I don't see us working long term as more than friends." We are both "older" (27/28) and looking for marriage partners, not bang-bang-bang.
You need to start with the bang-bang-bang.
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On October 08 2015 04:07 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On October 08 2015 03:13 westgun wrote:
Well, it seems like I have the same problem as most others here: University is a sausagefest and everything I do outside of Uni has either barely any girls and/or most of them are taken... What some of my friends suggested was taking dance courses, as most of them are overfilled with girls they said, but I don't know.
As for that, there's no better time than now, as I've learned. If you keep pushing it back you never know how your next meeting will go, or who's with her, or whatever. So I guess this phrase applies here: "Just do it!" And I find it amazing how much contact you have with women but still not manage to make a move. I'd love to take dancing lessons if I had a girl to go with, girls who can dance are sexy as hell. I'd say I have pretty good body control so I could probably get decent at it. It's really intimate and would be pretty awesome to be able to dance well. However going alone seems like it could be a hit or a total miss, maybe you end up having to dance with some guy :/? What kind of dance did they suggest? Yeah I know, I probably should have gone for it but now it's late. A lot of contact? I'm not sure what you qualify as contact but having a girl being kind and holding a door for me I wouldn't say is contact . I've gone on dates with 4 girls. Asked out another 2 which rejected me. Not that many really, not very bad odds though either in my opinion :D.
oh lord just go for it man!
Seriously setting a week where you strike a conversation with 100 random girls and ask those that attract you will move your life forward so much
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EPT
