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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
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3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On October 07 2015 03:43 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:What about classmates at university? If you're taking the same class, you may already have at least one thing in common, you can casually ask to study and chill, etc.
The girl I had my eye on was in a class I have. However that class is pretty much the only class I have that has girls in it. Computer Science is unfortunately not the mecca of cute girls  . I practically have no means of meeting girls casually which sucks, there were like 5 girls in the entire computer science department from my year at the start. The only classes I have that are with girls are Math classes, and we just share the lectures there.
I gotta say though, I actually kinda enjoy dating. It's pretty fun.
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On October 07 2015 04:02 bloodwhore~ wrote:Computer Science is not the mecca of cute girls
Fixed. Unless you are talking about girls that wear a hijab, only stick to their kind and only speak french/their native language properly. In which case I have bad news for you – unfortunately they usually stick to their kind.
I seriously feel for you bloodwhore… I am so glad I made it anyways.
EDIT: Unless you talk about the indians/pakistani ones. They usually at least speak very good english and are in general pretty nice. They also stick to their kind when it comes to dating for the most part though. It is a real shame since they often have very good characteristics, but yeah… cultural beliefs once again fuck things up.
EDIT2: Note that I am not complaining about them. Just noting that computerscience isn't filled with girls and those who are there often fall in one of those categories : D
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On October 07 2015 04:02 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On October 07 2015 03:43 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:What about classmates at university? If you're taking the same class, you may already have at least one thing in common, you can casually ask to study and chill, etc. The girl I had my eye on was in a class I have. However that class is pretty much the only class I have that has girls in it. Computer Science is unfortunately not the mecca of cute girls . I practically have no means of meeting girls casually which sucks, there were like 5 girls in the entire computer science department from my year at the start. The only classes I have that are with girls are Math classes, and we just share the lectures there. I gotta say though, I actually kinda enjoy dating. It's pretty fun.
Maybe at parties/ organizations/ clubs/ social mixers/ events/ sports games/ other university-wide gatherings?
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On October 07 2015 04:15 waffelz wrote:
Fixed. Unless you are talking about girls that wear a hijab, only stick to their kind and only speak french/their native language properly. In which case I have bad news for you – unfortunately they usually stick to their kind.
Yeah immigrants in Sweden don't really continue studying at university, very few of them here. There are some erasmus students (student exchange programme) but we don't really have any classes together.
Maybe at parties/ organizations/ clubs/ social mixers/ events/ sports games/ other university-wide gatherings?
I've been in an organisation which created a three day festival at our university and I have a post in the computer science committee at the moment. Sure I met some cool people in the festival thing, however none I would like do date. I've sort of gotten tired of parties as well, the pre-parties are usually the most enjoyable since you only party with people you know and you do crazy shit with your friends. As for sports, I play floor hockey in the campus series, it's more or less males only.
I'm just not the type who adds 100 people to facebook each year. I'd rather have a few solid ones than five hundred superficial ones. I think this is a good way to live but life gets tougher when you actually want to start meeting someone to date. Which leads to online dating or asking out random girls!
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On October 07 2015 02:55 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I've started looking for potential girls to approach at university. Saw one today that I thought I'd approach, but with my superior facebook stalking skills I found out that she was already in a relationship.
I'm debating if I should get tinder again. Although I want to approach girls in real, it's hard to find a good opportunity and a girl that I actually want to date. Tinder makes it really easy to start a conversation and get dates.
You absolutely don't need tinder. And you have no reason to stalk girls on facebook either. I don't even have my girlfriend on facebook!
Also would it be crazy if I called you too judgemental? How do you know which girls you'd actually want to date if you don't get into conversations and don't take them on dates?
What is really stopping you besides fear from walking up to say 10 girls every day on the street or at university and striking a conversation with them? You really don't see 10 cute girls per day that'd be worth talking to when you commute etc. ?
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On October 07 2015 05:03 LemOn wrote:
And you have no reason to stalk girls on facebook either.
The stalking part was a joke. I just wanted to see if she was in a relationship before I made a move. People don't always put it out but it's definitely worth checking out if I know I have another opportunity to approach her another time in my opinion.
If I don't want to date someone it's either because I'm not attracted to them or I know what their personality is like. Some of them are just waaay to social/bubbly/etc for me. I don't judge people that hard, except for how they look 
Well if I'm going to approach a random girl somewhere I want to feel "oh fuck she was cute as shit LETS GOOOO" before I do it. I don't just want to do it just because she is gorgeous. You should see the girls here in Autumn.
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On October 07 2015 03:43 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On October 07 2015 02:55 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I've started looking for potential girls to approach at university. Saw one today that I thought I'd approach, but with my superior facebook stalking skills I found out that she was already in a relationship.
I'm debating if I should get tinder again. Although I want to approach girls in real, it's hard to find a good opportunity and a girl that I actually want to date. Tinder makes it really easy to start a conversation and get dates. What about classmates at university? If you're taking the same class, you may already have at least one thing in common, you can casually ask to study and chill, etc.
wow i gotta try this line one day
wanna come over to my place to study and chill?
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On October 07 2015 08:27 evilfatsh1t wrote:
wow i gotta try this line one day
wanna come over to my place to study and chill?
If I recall correctly, DarkPlasmaball was the one who is in a relationship/marriage since a long time, so excuse him. This might have been a viable strat at his time 
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the meta has changed
get with the times dpb
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On October 07 2015 08:43 waffelz wrote:Show nested quote +On October 07 2015 08:27 evilfatsh1t wrote:
wow i gotta try this line one day
wanna come over to my place to study and chill? If I recall correctly, DarkPlasmaball was the one who is in a relationship/marriage since a long time, so excuse him. This might have been a viable strat at his time
Pro-tip from someone who was in college for ten years (undergrad, grad, doctoral programs) and now teaches at the college level: There are many, many courses (especially the higher level ones) where students tend to have an easier time if they collaborate with their classmates (in addition to solo studying and talking to the professor). This includes studying for exams and doing homework. And so it's certainly not a rare or weird occurrence to see people studying together. You can also make small talk and bond during this time, which can let you get to know her (and vice-versa). It obviously doesn't have to be in your bedroom and end with sex
+ Show Spoiler +Save that shit for the final exam
And it's helped me pick up a few girls as well (primarily math or science or psychology girls), although waffelz is right that I've been monogamous now for the better part of 9 years (and I'm engaged) But I'm not that old... I'm 27 lol.
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On October 07 2015 09:01 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Pro-tip from someone who was in college for ten years (undergrad, grad, doctoral programs) and now teaches at the college level: There are many, many courses (especially the higher level ones) where students tend to have an easier time if they collaborate with their classmates (in addition to solo studying and talking to the professor). This includes studying for exams and doing homework. And so it's certainly not a rare or weird occurrence to see people studying together. You can also make small talk and bond during this time, which can let you get to know her (and vice-versa). It obviously doesn't have to be in your bedroom and end with sex + Show Spoiler +Save that shit for the final exam And it's helped me pick up a few girls as well (primarily math or science or psychology girls), although waffelz is right that I've been monogamous now for the better part of 9 years (and I'm engaged) But I'm not that old... I'm 27 lol.
That makes you a bit older than me, which means you are history. History that I envy, but still .
But in all seriousness, yes group study can be positive but most of the times, the groups of students who interact more with each other form very early, most often after the first 2 semesters amongst those who “survived” the supposedly hard courses. After that, they more or less stick to their groups and if someone reaches out it’s usually because he lost his group for some reason. This is especially true in universities with lots of students. Unless two groups merge, you are unlikely to get to know new people that way, at least to my knowledge. I should also note that computer science usually includes a lot of group projects and if you get to know a few reliable students this way, they are most likely to be your group for the rest of your studies. I know what you are getting at, but I attended 2 universities studying 2 different subjects so far and also worked as a teacher and observed this kind of herd-mentality. If you come out of the blue and ask a girl if she wants to “chill and study”, at least over here it most likely wouldn’t go well. Unless she greatly struggles with the course, doesn't have a group or is already into you. Also, in computer science, pretty much every girl already gets swarmed. We are supposed to have about 25% female students, but I can’t confirm that(even math has more ffs...).
On the other hand, I have to admit that I met my current girlfriend this way. It wasn’t planned that way though and is a bit different since she didn’t attend the same university or even studied the same subject at that time, they just overlap occasionally – and I technically knocked her out before . If I would look around now, there would be hardly any female student who don’t already get swarmed by honest helpers and those who have alternative intentions. When this works out you always think in hindsight: „well, that was easy”, disregarding that it was huge luck and you more or less walked into it. Your approach might work in a subject where there are more women so they don’t get that annoyed by the constant male attention, but as bloodwhore said, “computer science isn’t exactly the mecca of girls”. Here you would most likely get kindly rejected. Maybe the courses he shares with electrical engineering have a higher rate of female students but aside from that you basically lost if you haven’t set your claim earlier. Or you get exploited. Dating world is a cruel place at times.
EDIT: To elaborate further, my current girlfriend and I ended up studying together because she was highly annoyed by the male helpers in her university and we got in contact through a chain of random events. If a friend mine hadn’t suggested me to her, emphasizing my honesty and respectful sense for distance she hadn’t even tried just because she was so fed up with her male fellow students.
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On October 07 2015 08:49 evilfatsh1t wrote:
the meta has changed
get with the times dpb
Back in my day, we didn't have your tinders and grinders and binders full of women to choose from ::angrily waves cane at nothing in particular::
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On October 07 2015 09:40 waffelz wrote:We are supposed to have about 25% female students
Maybe the courses he shares with electrical engineering have a higher rate of female students
25%!? I think we have like .. 2.5 %.
The courses I have with females are usually Physics majors, and it isn't very high there either. Oh well.
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In Software Engineering we had a class of about 120 with 4 girls. 1/30 = 3.33%. 1 was attractive. My friend was talking about a girl in one of his classes as attractive - I said, "Yeah I know the one." "But I haven't said who it is yet." "Yeah, but you said she was attractive. Mystery solved." Tech related degrees are terrible for dating, look outside the field for anything at all.
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On October 07 2015 09:40 waffelz wrote:Show nested quote +On October 07 2015 09:01 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Pro-tip from someone who was in college for ten years (undergrad, grad, doctoral programs) and now teaches at the college level: There are many, many courses (especially the higher level ones) where students tend to have an easier time if they collaborate with their classmates (in addition to solo studying and talking to the professor). This includes studying for exams and doing homework. And so it's certainly not a rare or weird occurrence to see people studying together. You can also make small talk and bond during this time, which can let you get to know her (and vice-versa). It obviously doesn't have to be in your bedroom and end with sex + Show Spoiler +Save that shit for the final exam And it's helped me pick up a few girls as well (primarily math or science or psychology girls), although waffelz is right that I've been monogamous now for the better part of 9 years (and I'm engaged) But I'm not that old... I'm 27 lol. That makes you a bit older than me, which means you are history. History that I envy, but still . But in all seriousness, yes group study can be positive but most of the times, the groups of students who interact more with each other form very early, most often after the first 2 semesters amongst those who “survived” the supposedly hard courses. After that, they more or less stick to their groups and if someone reaches out it’s usually because he lost his group for some reason. This is especially true in universities with lots of students. Unless two groups merge, you are unlikely to get to know new people that way, at least to my knowledge. I should also note that computer science usually includes a lot of group projects and if you get to know a few reliable students this way, they are most likely to be your group for the rest of your studies. I know what you are getting at, but I attended 2 universities studying 2 different subjects so far and also worked as a teacher and observed this kind of herd-mentality. If you come out of the blue and ask a girl if she wants to “chill and study”, at least over here it most likely wouldn’t go well. Unless she greatly struggles with the course, doesn't have a group or is already into you. Also, in computer science, pretty much every girl already gets swarmed. We are supposed to have about 25% female students, but I can’t confirm that(even math has more ffs...). On the other hand, I have to admit that I met my current girlfriend this way. It wasn’t planned that way though and is a bit different since she didn’t attend the same university or even studied the same subject at that time, they just overlap occasionally – and I technically knocked her out before . If I would look around now, there would be hardly any female student who don’t already get swarmed by honest helpers and those who have alternative intentions. When this works out you always think in hindsight: „well, that was easy”, disregarding that it was huge luck and you more or less walked into it. Your approach might work in a subject where there are more women so they don’t get that annoyed by the constant male attention, but as bloodwhore said, “computer science isn’t exactly the mecca of girls”. Here you would most likely get kindly rejected. Maybe the courses he shares with electrical engineering have a higher rate of female students but aside from that you basically lost if you haven’t set your claim earlier. Or you get exploited. Dating world is a cruel place at times. EDIT: To elaborate further, my current girlfriend and I ended up studying together because she was highly annoyed by the male helpers in her university and we got in contact through a chain of random events. If a friend mine hadn’t suggested me to her, emphasizing my honesty and respectful sense for distance she hadn’t even tried just because she was so fed up with her male fellow students.
This is common sense, nothing cruel about it. Why would a girl want to be with someone who essentially is a weasel con-artist/liar/coward who helps her just because there might be a chance of getting involved with her, instead of actually expressing what he feels about her, and what he wants to do?
Doing some service for her and expecting romantic reward is basically treating her as a prostitute.
Virtually every awesome sought after woman will have stories of feeling betrayed by the so called "nice guy" who is nothing else but a cowardly jackass who reveals he was acting as her friend for ages only because he was hoping to get a chance to get in her pants. Only to reveal his love for her months later or even gets annoyed when she hooks up with someone else and stops seeing her.
Also, in hot girls defense - sure, it might be vast majority of guys spend time with them and help them because of side intentions, but it isn't necessarily exploitation on their part. If the girls pre-judged and assumed that every person helps them because they want to get in their pants and not because they genuinely like helping other people they'd have to become overly cynical and miss out on the people that actually are like that.
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On October 07 2015 05:34 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On October 07 2015 05:03 LemOn wrote:
And you have no reason to stalk girls on facebook either. The stalking part was a joke. I just wanted to see if she was in a relationship before I made a move. People don't always put it out but it's definitely worth checking out if I know I have another opportunity to approach her another time in my opinion. If I don't want to date someone it's either because I'm not attracted to them or I know what their personality is like. Some of them are just waaay to social/bubbly/etc for me. I don't judge people that hard, except for how they look Well if I'm going to approach a random girl somewhere I want to feel "oh fuck she was cute as shit LETS GOOOO" before I do it. I don't just want to do it just because she is gorgeous. You should see the girls here in Autumn.
Why see it as big "making a move"? You like a girl, just come over, see what your brain is thinking when you approach her, and express that, simples.
And seriously, looks aren't everything man, you'd be surprised what you discover when you give people a chance with an open mind and heart. Im my experience the best girls are not the model looking ones, but the ones that have just something special about them, tone of voice, way of responding, their smell just attracts you chemically... You are missing out loads if you wouldn't even talk to a girl unless "Oh fuck She was cute as shit". This is also why I think Tinder is a waste of time and you have to go on way more dates to actually find quality connection. You just don't know unless you have a conversation with the girl
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On October 07 2015 18:42 LemOn wrote:And seriously, looks aren't everything man, you'd be surprised what you discover when you give people a chance with an open mind and heart. Im my experience the best girls are not the model looking ones, but the ones that have just something special about them, tone of voice, way of responding, their smell just attracts you chemically... You are missing out loads if you wouldn't even talk to a girl unless "Oh fuck She was cute as shit".
Of course looks is not everything. It's not like I go for model tier girls either, most girls I find are cute are definitely not 10/10. I've dated two girls now that I didn't feel a strong attraction to and although they were really nice girls, I most likely wouldn't fall for them no matter how long we dated.
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On October 07 2015 18:30 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On October 07 2015 09:40 waffelz wrote:On October 07 2015 09:01 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Pro-tip from someone who was in college for ten years (undergrad, grad, doctoral programs) and now teaches at the college level: There are many, many courses (especially the higher level ones) where students tend to have an easier time if they collaborate with their classmates (in addition to solo studying and talking to the professor). This includes studying for exams and doing homework. And so it's certainly not a rare or weird occurrence to see people studying together. You can also make small talk and bond during this time, which can let you get to know her (and vice-versa). It obviously doesn't have to be in your bedroom and end with sex + Show Spoiler +Save that shit for the final exam And it's helped me pick up a few girls as well (primarily math or science or psychology girls), although waffelz is right that I've been monogamous now for the better part of 9 years (and I'm engaged) But I'm not that old... I'm 27 lol. That makes you a bit older than me, which means you are history. History that I envy, but still . But in all seriousness, yes group study can be positive but most of the times, the groups of students who interact more with each other form very early, most often after the first 2 semesters amongst those who “survived” the supposedly hard courses. After that, they more or less stick to their groups and if someone reaches out it’s usually because he lost his group for some reason. This is especially true in universities with lots of students. Unless two groups merge, you are unlikely to get to know new people that way, at least to my knowledge. I should also note that computer science usually includes a lot of group projects and if you get to know a few reliable students this way, they are most likely to be your group for the rest of your studies. I know what you are getting at, but I attended 2 universities studying 2 different subjects so far and also worked as a teacher and observed this kind of herd-mentality. If you come out of the blue and ask a girl if she wants to “chill and study”, at least over here it most likely wouldn’t go well. Unless she greatly struggles with the course, doesn't have a group or is already into you. Also, in computer science, pretty much every girl already gets swarmed. We are supposed to have about 25% female students, but I can’t confirm that(even math has more ffs...). On the other hand, I have to admit that I met my current girlfriend this way. It wasn’t planned that way though and is a bit different since she didn’t attend the same university or even studied the same subject at that time, they just overlap occasionally – and I technically knocked her out before . If I would look around now, there would be hardly any female student who don’t already get swarmed by honest helpers and those who have alternative intentions. When this works out you always think in hindsight: „well, that was easy”, disregarding that it was huge luck and you more or less walked into it. Your approach might work in a subject where there are more women so they don’t get that annoyed by the constant male attention, but as bloodwhore said, “computer science isn’t exactly the mecca of girls”. Here you would most likely get kindly rejected. Maybe the courses he shares with electrical engineering have a higher rate of female students but aside from that you basically lost if you haven’t set your claim earlier. Or you get exploited. Dating world is a cruel place at times. EDIT: To elaborate further, my current girlfriend and I ended up studying together because she was highly annoyed by the male helpers in her university and we got in contact through a chain of random events. If a friend mine hadn’t suggested me to her, emphasizing my honesty and respectful sense for distance she hadn’t even tried just because she was so fed up with her male fellow students. This is common sense, nothing cruel about it. Why would a girl want to be with someone who essentially is a weasel con-artist/liar/coward who helps her just because there might be a chance of getting involved with her, instead of actually expressing what he feels about her, and what he wants to do? Doing some service for her and expecting romantic reward is basically treating her as a prostitute.
I'm not sure why you're talking about weasels and cowards and prostitutes, but having study sessions in college and making small talk don't imply any of that. It was just one way (out of the many others I listed. including "parties/ organizations/ clubs/ social mixers/ events/ sports games/ other university-wide gatherings") to actually get to talk with people.
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On October 07 2015 18:30 LemOn wrote:
Also, in hot girls defense - sure, it might be vast majority of guys spend time with them and help them because of side intentions, but it isn't necessarily exploitation on their part. If the girls pre-judged and assumed that every person helps them because they want to get in their pants and not because they genuinely like helping other people they'd have to become overly cynical and miss out on the people that actually are like that.
It basically goes like this: either she approaches you, or she most likely will assume that you are hitting on her. And there is nothing cynical about that attitude, it is just the sad reality. Over here, the saturation in computer science goes like >200 students of which not even 20 are females which would be dateable. The sausagefest is real. Even the honest “hey, want to study together”-approach will most likely make her put a stamp on you and that’s it. But I wouldn’t say that you are a weasel if you use the “hey, want to study together”-approach to get her to date you. I mean even if you find her dead gorgeous, you probably don’t know shit about her at that point. Just being attracted to her appeal is nothing that can carry a relationship, so why not get to know her first? Character is the most important thing and the best way to get to know how she is as a person is to experience hearing a casual environment. Even dating sucks in terms of getting to know each other since it is mostly artificial. Being around someone casually is the best way to get to know someone and if it helps your studies in the process, you should go for it whenever possible (sadly that won’t be often, but hey). Also it is very unlikely that she is also into you right from the start, she most likely also need to know more about you first. “Hey we just met, want to date?” seems like the more honest, but less likely to be successful approach. For me I can say I always where wary when approached by a (somewhat) strange girl out of the blue if I would like to date/hang out and so far it has never led to anything that I would have been interested in.
On October 07 2015 19:05 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On October 07 2015 18:42 LemOn wrote:And seriously, looks aren't everything man, you'd be surprised what you discover when you give people a chance with an open mind and heart. Im my experience the best girls are not the model looking ones, but the ones that have just something special about them, tone of voice, way of responding, their smell just attracts you chemically... You are missing out loads if you wouldn't even talk to a girl unless "Oh fuck She was cute as shit". Of course looks is not everything. It's not like I go for model tier girls either, most girls I find are cute are definitely not 10/10. I've dated two girls now that I didn't feel a strong attraction to and although they were really nice girls, I most likely wouldn't fall for them no matter how long we dated.
Character man. I definitely get the feel that you approach this whole thing the wrong way. First of all, stop rating them. It doesn’t work. I don’t even understand how people do that, what are the criteria’s, is there a category for each bodypart, like wtf? Does it follow a common standard (which would be a highly artificial and most likely unachievable standard set by a bunch of internet-virgins society) there is only one thing that matters: Is she attractive to you? If she is, get to know her and having her around you makes you feel good, give it a try. Romantic affection isn’t a thing of pure facts and objective criteria, it is a matter of feelings for the most part and if you try to analyse to much you are just killing it. As Lem0n said, it is the weirdest and most random shit that makes you specially attracted to a women, so don’t miss out on that. Maybe if you are absolutely drowning in women, you might be able to do that but from your posts it doesn’t seem like it. That stupid x/10-talk about girls should go on the same stake as all this friendzone-shit and burn. After that, we take the ashes, scatter them in the wind and purge all memory of this ever having existed so there will be no place and no one to remember.
I know it is hard, but just meet a bunch of attractive women casually, get to know them and let the love hammer hit you eventually until the same happens to one of them. Since all you swedes do is nothing but bragging about them, there shouldn’t be anything but attractive girls so at least that base is covered and the competition shouldn’t be as hard.
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On October 07 2015 21:30 waffelz wrote:
I definitely get the feel that you approach this whole thing the wrong way.
Is she attractive to you?
just meet a bunch of attractive women casually
I feel like you have misinterpreted me a bit. I don't rate girls other than if I need to explain something to others. What I meant by 10/10 was conventionally beautiful girls by the general audience. I typically crush on slightly, maybe wouldn't say odd, but non-conventional looking girls whatever that means.
I've almost always made my choices based if she is attractive to me. Not sure where you got the feel that I don't.
Well there is my problem, unless you think approaching women on the street is casually meeting girls I don't have any real means of doing just that. Unless I go my way about it, and at that point I might as well resort to online dating.
In other news.
I have a friend who wanted to get Tinder at the point where I first got tinder, he didn't get it because of slightly odd reason however he wants to get it now when that reason is gone. Since both of us don't really have any good pictures I've decided that we're going to have a day where we tryhard, we'll basically spend a day taking photos for tinder.
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EPT
