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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
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4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On October 04 2015 07:03 LemOn wrote:
Why not just have sex with her though btw? You didn't feel like it when she was at your place? Can't see many reasons not to when she was at your place
Because I was dating her with the intention of getting a gf, didn't feel a need to rush anything. Having sex second time meeting after having a slight fallout seems a bit weird. Not to mention when I asked if she wanted to sleep here she said "I'm really tired so don't expect any nightly activies."
Also, I didn't even know how to pronounce her name before we went to bed. When we were about to sleep I was like "hey so how do you pronounce your name, is it 'versionA' or 'versionB'. She asked me to guess, 50/50 and I guessed wrong.
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On October 04 2015 07:14 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On October 04 2015 07:03 LemOn wrote:On October 03 2015 19:37 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I'm back. I'd say the date went pretty good. We watched some Rick and Morty, made some nougat sauce with ice cream. Talked for an hour or something then we watched Unbroken. It was pretty late after the movie like 03:00 so she crashed at my place (on a mattress on the floor). All I was thinking before was "please do not have a wet dream today" (because nofap). What happens? I have the most sexual dream ever, I'm fucking this super hot girl and then I wake up at like 06:00 by an orgasm, whole body tingling. Went into the bathroom and changed boxers, she was still asleep so I don't think she knew. In the morning we went to the grocery store and bought her some stuff so we could eat break fast. She left like 20 minutes ago.
Still unsure if this will turn out to be a relationship, time will tell. Why not just have sex with her though btw? You didn't feel like it when she was at your place? Can't see many reasons not to when she was at your place You do realize your date has to consent before *just deciding to have sex* with her, right?
Well you decide, and seduce her, she's at your place already, staying overnight - in my experience all girls that agree to that are open to at least some sexual involvement.
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On October 04 2015 07:56 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On October 04 2015 07:03 LemOn wrote:
Why not just have sex with her though btw? You didn't feel like it when she was at your place? Can't see many reasons not to when she was at your place Because I was dating her with the intention of getting a gf, didn't feel a need to rush anything. Having sex second time meeting after having a slight fallout seems a bit weird. Not to mention when I asked if she wanted to sleep here she said "I'm really tired so don't expect any nightly activies." Also, I didn't even know how to pronounce her name before we went to bed. When we were about to sleep I was like "hey so how do you pronounce your name, is it 'versionA' or 'versionB'. She asked me to guess, 50/50 and I guessed wrong.
Yeah fair enough (the 2nd date thing), I doubt you should get such things stop you from doing what you want though, it doesn't really matter when you sleep with a girl, holding back doesn't make much sense. She'll see you more as a friend now too which is rarely good. Imo unless you really don't feel like sleeping with her (why even consider her a gf material then...) making some sort of move then pulling back when she's not ready is many times better than holding back
Btw I wanted to ask how she reacted when you told her about the wet dream in the morning, but of course you didn't. But I think this would be a great example where authentic honesty would be actually great
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Yeah fair enough (the 2nd date thing), I doubt you should get such things stop you from doing what you want though, it doesn't really matter when you sleep with a girl, holding back doesn't make much sense. She'll see you more as a friend now too which is rarely good. Imo unless you really don't feel like sleeping with her (why even consider her a gf material then...) making some sort of move then pulling back when she's not ready is many times better than holding back
Well I don't consider her gf material for me, mostly because my lack of attraction. I wonder if I would have even considered the second date unless I was on nofap. Which is why I texted her that I don't want to date her anymore a few hours ago.
Btw I wanted to ask how she reacted when you told her about the wet dream in the morning, but of course you didn't. But I think this would be a great example where authentic honesty would be actually great
LOL I would definitely not tell her that on a second date. Maybe if we became a bf/gf it might be hilarious to bring up. However that will not be the case anymore.
On another note she talked about our date in a post on yik yak the consensus was that gentlemen do exist  .
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On October 04 2015 23:03 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On October 04 2015 07:14 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On October 04 2015 07:03 LemOn wrote:On October 03 2015 19:37 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I'm back. I'd say the date went pretty good. We watched some Rick and Morty, made some nougat sauce with ice cream. Talked for an hour or something then we watched Unbroken. It was pretty late after the movie like 03:00 so she crashed at my place (on a mattress on the floor). All I was thinking before was "please do not have a wet dream today" (because nofap). What happens? I have the most sexual dream ever, I'm fucking this super hot girl and then I wake up at like 06:00 by an orgasm, whole body tingling. Went into the bathroom and changed boxers, she was still asleep so I don't think she knew. In the morning we went to the grocery store and bought her some stuff so we could eat break fast. She left like 20 minutes ago.
Still unsure if this will turn out to be a relationship, time will tell. Why not just have sex with her though btw? You didn't feel like it when she was at your place? Can't see many reasons not to when she was at your place You do realize your date has to consent before *just deciding to have sex* with her, right? Well you decide, and seduce her, she's at your place already, staying overnight - in my experience all girls that agree to that are open to at least some sexual involvement.
It's pretty late and she's too tired to drive/ walk home... that doesn't always translate into "She must want the D." I'm just warning to be tactful and understand the context and talk to her. Maybe she wants something more, or maybe she's not yet ready for that (or maybe the guy isn't either!). It's not super black and white imo.
On October 04 2015 23:11 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On October 04 2015 07:56 bloodwhore~ wrote:On October 04 2015 07:03 LemOn wrote:
Why not just have sex with her though btw? You didn't feel like it when she was at your place? Can't see many reasons not to when she was at your place Because I was dating her with the intention of getting a gf, didn't feel a need to rush anything. Having sex second time meeting after having a slight fallout seems a bit weird. Not to mention when I asked if she wanted to sleep here she said "I'm really tired so don't expect any nightly activies." Also, I didn't even know how to pronounce her name before we went to bed. When we were about to sleep I was like "hey so how do you pronounce your name, is it 'versionA' or 'versionB'. She asked me to guess, 50/50 and I guessed wrong. Yeah fair enough (the 2nd date thing), I doubt you should get such things stop you from doing what you want though, it doesn't really matter when you sleep with a girl, holding back doesn't make much sense. She'll see you more as a friend now too which is rarely good. Imo unless you really don't feel like sleeping with her (why even consider her a gf material then...) making some sort of move then pulling back when she's not ready is many times better than holding back Btw I wanted to ask how she reacted when you told her about the wet dream in the morning, but of course you didn't. But I think this would be a great example where authentic honesty would be actually great
I can't see how that conversation could go well at all. "Hey babe, I just wanted to let you know that being around a girl made me so horny last night that I actually wet my bed. Does that turn you on?"
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telling a girl you slept with but didnt SLEEP with about a wet dream you just had is not a good idea at all. dont see how in a million years that would even make for a good conversation lol
but bloodwhore you should have made a move. she straight up brought up the topic of sex, and although it may have seemed like she was telling you in advance that she wasnt up for it, depending on how the date went and the chemistry you guys felt she could just have easily been using reverse psychology on you.
if everything prior to the sleeping was good, then making out would have been all it took for her to go all the way i reckon.
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I remember one time having a date with a girl and making out in her apartment and she was like (without me asking): you can stay the night but there won't be any sex blablabla so since I lived really close by I was like fuck this shit I'm gonna go home and handle that shit myself. Never had a date with her again.
Four or five years later a more experienced B.I.G. had a date with a different girl and came in to a very similar situation. Me late at night at girl's apartment and again offered to stay the night but with a super seriously no sex. This time I stayed and guess what, the magic happened.
I mean you obviously should never force yourself on a woman (or anyone for that matter) but you should realize that women aren't always as straightforward as men..
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On October 05 2015 00:12 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On October 04 2015 23:03 LemOn wrote:On October 04 2015 07:14 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On October 04 2015 07:03 LemOn wrote:On October 03 2015 19:37 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I'm back. I'd say the date went pretty good. We watched some Rick and Morty, made some nougat sauce with ice cream. Talked for an hour or something then we watched Unbroken. It was pretty late after the movie like 03:00 so she crashed at my place (on a mattress on the floor). All I was thinking before was "please do not have a wet dream today" (because nofap). What happens? I have the most sexual dream ever, I'm fucking this super hot girl and then I wake up at like 06:00 by an orgasm, whole body tingling. Went into the bathroom and changed boxers, she was still asleep so I don't think she knew. In the morning we went to the grocery store and bought her some stuff so we could eat break fast. She left like 20 minutes ago.
Still unsure if this will turn out to be a relationship, time will tell. Why not just have sex with her though btw? You didn't feel like it when she was at your place? Can't see many reasons not to when she was at your place You do realize your date has to consent before *just deciding to have sex* with her, right? Well you decide, and seduce her, she's at your place already, staying overnight - in my experience all girls that agree to that are open to at least some sexual involvement. It's pretty late and she's too tired to drive/ walk home... that doesn't always translate into "She must want the D." I'm just warning to be tactful and understand the context and talk to her. Maybe she wants something more, or maybe she's not yet ready for that (or maybe the guy isn't either!). It's not super black and white imo. Show nested quote +On October 04 2015 23:11 LemOn wrote:On October 04 2015 07:56 bloodwhore~ wrote:On October 04 2015 07:03 LemOn wrote:
Why not just have sex with her though btw? You didn't feel like it when she was at your place? Can't see many reasons not to when she was at your place Because I was dating her with the intention of getting a gf, didn't feel a need to rush anything. Having sex second time meeting after having a slight fallout seems a bit weird. Not to mention when I asked if she wanted to sleep here she said "I'm really tired so don't expect any nightly activies." Also, I didn't even know how to pronounce her name before we went to bed. When we were about to sleep I was like "hey so how do you pronounce your name, is it 'versionA' or 'versionB'. She asked me to guess, 50/50 and I guessed wrong. Yeah fair enough (the 2nd date thing), I doubt you should get such things stop you from doing what you want though, it doesn't really matter when you sleep with a girl, holding back doesn't make much sense. She'll see you more as a friend now too which is rarely good. Imo unless you really don't feel like sleeping with her (why even consider her a gf material then...) making some sort of move then pulling back when she's not ready is many times better than holding back Btw I wanted to ask how she reacted when you told her about the wet dream in the morning, but of course you didn't. But I think this would be a great example where authentic honesty would be actually great I can't see how that conversation could go well at all. "Hey babe, I just wanted to let you know that being around a girl made me so horny last night that I actually wet my bed. Does that turn you on?"
I mean when she decides to go to your place in the first place... Nowadays most girls will at least be open to escalation if things go really well when they agree to go to yours? It's a sign of trust. I never took girls I wasn't attracted to to my place though.
And you'd be surprised what unexpected honesty does. You don't have to sound like a total creep. Just saying "Wow, it's kinda embarrassing but I actually had a wet dream last night" and seeing where she goes with it will yell you a lot about her.
On October 05 2015 02:04 B.I.G. wrote:
I remember one time having a date with a girl and making out in her apartment and she was like (without me asking): you can stay the night but there won't be any sex blablabla so since I lived really close by I was like fuck this shit I'm gonna go home and handle that shit myself. Never had a date with her again.
Four or five years later a more experienced B.I.G. had a date with a different girl and came in to a very similar situation. Me late at night at girl's apartment and again offered to stay the night but with a super seriously no sex. This time I stayed and guess what, the magic happened.
I mean you obviously should never force yourself on a woman (or anyone for that matter) but you should realize that women aren't always as straightforward as men..
I'm like 99% sure that if a guy does everything perfectly and turns out to be her prince charming, who's direct but not pushy and leaves her space when she backs off but goes after what he wants vast majority of girls will be open to some sort and level of sex with him if she agrees to spend the night.
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On October 05 2015 02:09 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On October 05 2015 00:12 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On October 04 2015 23:03 LemOn wrote:On October 04 2015 07:14 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On October 04 2015 07:03 LemOn wrote:On October 03 2015 19:37 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I'm back. I'd say the date went pretty good. We watched some Rick and Morty, made some nougat sauce with ice cream. Talked for an hour or something then we watched Unbroken. It was pretty late after the movie like 03:00 so she crashed at my place (on a mattress on the floor). All I was thinking before was "please do not have a wet dream today" (because nofap). What happens? I have the most sexual dream ever, I'm fucking this super hot girl and then I wake up at like 06:00 by an orgasm, whole body tingling. Went into the bathroom and changed boxers, she was still asleep so I don't think she knew. In the morning we went to the grocery store and bought her some stuff so we could eat break fast. She left like 20 minutes ago.
Still unsure if this will turn out to be a relationship, time will tell. Why not just have sex with her though btw? You didn't feel like it when she was at your place? Can't see many reasons not to when she was at your place You do realize your date has to consent before *just deciding to have sex* with her, right? Well you decide, and seduce her, she's at your place already, staying overnight - in my experience all girls that agree to that are open to at least some sexual involvement. It's pretty late and she's too tired to drive/ walk home... that doesn't always translate into "She must want the D." I'm just warning to be tactful and understand the context and talk to her. Maybe she wants something more, or maybe she's not yet ready for that (or maybe the guy isn't either!). It's not super black and white imo. On October 04 2015 23:11 LemOn wrote:On October 04 2015 07:56 bloodwhore~ wrote:On October 04 2015 07:03 LemOn wrote:
Why not just have sex with her though btw? You didn't feel like it when she was at your place? Can't see many reasons not to when she was at your place Because I was dating her with the intention of getting a gf, didn't feel a need to rush anything. Having sex second time meeting after having a slight fallout seems a bit weird. Not to mention when I asked if she wanted to sleep here she said "I'm really tired so don't expect any nightly activies." Also, I didn't even know how to pronounce her name before we went to bed. When we were about to sleep I was like "hey so how do you pronounce your name, is it 'versionA' or 'versionB'. She asked me to guess, 50/50 and I guessed wrong. Yeah fair enough (the 2nd date thing), I doubt you should get such things stop you from doing what you want though, it doesn't really matter when you sleep with a girl, holding back doesn't make much sense. She'll see you more as a friend now too which is rarely good. Imo unless you really don't feel like sleeping with her (why even consider her a gf material then...) making some sort of move then pulling back when she's not ready is many times better than holding back Btw I wanted to ask how she reacted when you told her about the wet dream in the morning, but of course you didn't. But I think this would be a great example where authentic honesty would be actually great I can't see how that conversation could go well at all. "Hey babe, I just wanted to let you know that being around a girl made me so horny last night that I actually wet my bed. Does that turn you on?" I mean when she decides to go to your place in the first place... Nowadays most girls will at least be open to escalation if things go really well when they agree to go to yours? It's a sign of trust. I never took girls I wasn't attracted to to my place though. And you'd be surprised what unexpected honesty does. You don't have to sound like a total creep. Just saying "Wow, it's kinda embarrassing but I actually had a wet dream last night" and seeing where she goes with it
There's a spectrum for trust and safety and willingness to do things, and we're just going to have to agree to disagree on whether or not telling a girl you like that she made you wet yourself will earn you brownie points.
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On October 05 2015 02:12 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On October 05 2015 02:09 LemOn wrote:On October 05 2015 00:12 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On October 04 2015 23:03 LemOn wrote:On October 04 2015 07:14 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On October 04 2015 07:03 LemOn wrote:On October 03 2015 19:37 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I'm back. I'd say the date went pretty good. We watched some Rick and Morty, made some nougat sauce with ice cream. Talked for an hour or something then we watched Unbroken. It was pretty late after the movie like 03:00 so she crashed at my place (on a mattress on the floor). All I was thinking before was "please do not have a wet dream today" (because nofap). What happens? I have the most sexual dream ever, I'm fucking this super hot girl and then I wake up at like 06:00 by an orgasm, whole body tingling. Went into the bathroom and changed boxers, she was still asleep so I don't think she knew. In the morning we went to the grocery store and bought her some stuff so we could eat break fast. She left like 20 minutes ago.
Still unsure if this will turn out to be a relationship, time will tell. Why not just have sex with her though btw? You didn't feel like it when she was at your place? Can't see many reasons not to when she was at your place You do realize your date has to consent before *just deciding to have sex* with her, right? Well you decide, and seduce her, she's at your place already, staying overnight - in my experience all girls that agree to that are open to at least some sexual involvement. It's pretty late and she's too tired to drive/ walk home... that doesn't always translate into "She must want the D." I'm just warning to be tactful and understand the context and talk to her. Maybe she wants something more, or maybe she's not yet ready for that (or maybe the guy isn't either!). It's not super black and white imo. On October 04 2015 23:11 LemOn wrote:On October 04 2015 07:56 bloodwhore~ wrote:On October 04 2015 07:03 LemOn wrote:
Why not just have sex with her though btw? You didn't feel like it when she was at your place? Can't see many reasons not to when she was at your place Because I was dating her with the intention of getting a gf, didn't feel a need to rush anything. Having sex second time meeting after having a slight fallout seems a bit weird. Not to mention when I asked if she wanted to sleep here she said "I'm really tired so don't expect any nightly activies." Also, I didn't even know how to pronounce her name before we went to bed. When we were about to sleep I was like "hey so how do you pronounce your name, is it 'versionA' or 'versionB'. She asked me to guess, 50/50 and I guessed wrong. Yeah fair enough (the 2nd date thing), I doubt you should get such things stop you from doing what you want though, it doesn't really matter when you sleep with a girl, holding back doesn't make much sense. She'll see you more as a friend now too which is rarely good. Imo unless you really don't feel like sleeping with her (why even consider her a gf material then...) making some sort of move then pulling back when she's not ready is many times better than holding back Btw I wanted to ask how she reacted when you told her about the wet dream in the morning, but of course you didn't. But I think this would be a great example where authentic honesty would be actually great I can't see how that conversation could go well at all. "Hey babe, I just wanted to let you know that being around a girl made me so horny last night that I actually wet my bed. Does that turn you on?" I mean when she decides to go to your place in the first place... Nowadays most girls will at least be open to escalation if things go really well when they agree to go to yours? It's a sign of trust. I never took girls I wasn't attracted to to my place though. And you'd be surprised what unexpected honesty does. You don't have to sound like a total creep. Just saying "Wow, it's kinda embarrassing but I actually had a wet dream last night" and seeing where she goes with it There's a spectrum for trust and safety and willingness to do things, and we're just going to have to agree to disagree on whether or not telling a girl you like that she made you wet yourself will earn you brownie points.
My point is to not care if you earn brownie points in the first place, to not hold back things, even embarrassing ones, if long term trusting relationship is what you want. You put it out there, and see what she does with it. You will actually repulse a lot of girls and never see them again, and that's okay as you will attract those that matter and start with honest open communication right off the bat, which is the main thing that causes trouble in long term relationships.
Of course if you want to just sleep with her and get the highest % of getting laid per date, girls that become your girlfriends, or any other short term goal then sure, I agree - asking questions to make her open up while holding back + being mysterious might arguably be the better approach, even though it's debatable as honesty will make you stand above the pack.
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On October 05 2015 02:19 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On October 05 2015 02:12 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On October 05 2015 02:09 LemOn wrote:On October 05 2015 00:12 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On October 04 2015 23:03 LemOn wrote:On October 04 2015 07:14 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On October 04 2015 07:03 LemOn wrote:On October 03 2015 19:37 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I'm back. I'd say the date went pretty good. We watched some Rick and Morty, made some nougat sauce with ice cream. Talked for an hour or something then we watched Unbroken. It was pretty late after the movie like 03:00 so she crashed at my place (on a mattress on the floor). All I was thinking before was "please do not have a wet dream today" (because nofap). What happens? I have the most sexual dream ever, I'm fucking this super hot girl and then I wake up at like 06:00 by an orgasm, whole body tingling. Went into the bathroom and changed boxers, she was still asleep so I don't think she knew. In the morning we went to the grocery store and bought her some stuff so we could eat break fast. She left like 20 minutes ago.
Still unsure if this will turn out to be a relationship, time will tell. Why not just have sex with her though btw? You didn't feel like it when she was at your place? Can't see many reasons not to when she was at your place You do realize your date has to consent before *just deciding to have sex* with her, right? Well you decide, and seduce her, she's at your place already, staying overnight - in my experience all girls that agree to that are open to at least some sexual involvement. It's pretty late and she's too tired to drive/ walk home... that doesn't always translate into "She must want the D." I'm just warning to be tactful and understand the context and talk to her. Maybe she wants something more, or maybe she's not yet ready for that (or maybe the guy isn't either!). It's not super black and white imo. On October 04 2015 23:11 LemOn wrote:On October 04 2015 07:56 bloodwhore~ wrote:On October 04 2015 07:03 LemOn wrote:
Why not just have sex with her though btw? You didn't feel like it when she was at your place? Can't see many reasons not to when she was at your place Because I was dating her with the intention of getting a gf, didn't feel a need to rush anything. Having sex second time meeting after having a slight fallout seems a bit weird. Not to mention when I asked if she wanted to sleep here she said "I'm really tired so don't expect any nightly activies." Also, I didn't even know how to pronounce her name before we went to bed. When we were about to sleep I was like "hey so how do you pronounce your name, is it 'versionA' or 'versionB'. She asked me to guess, 50/50 and I guessed wrong. Yeah fair enough (the 2nd date thing), I doubt you should get such things stop you from doing what you want though, it doesn't really matter when you sleep with a girl, holding back doesn't make much sense. She'll see you more as a friend now too which is rarely good. Imo unless you really don't feel like sleeping with her (why even consider her a gf material then...) making some sort of move then pulling back when she's not ready is many times better than holding back Btw I wanted to ask how she reacted when you told her about the wet dream in the morning, but of course you didn't. But I think this would be a great example where authentic honesty would be actually great I can't see how that conversation could go well at all. "Hey babe, I just wanted to let you know that being around a girl made me so horny last night that I actually wet my bed. Does that turn you on?" I mean when she decides to go to your place in the first place... Nowadays most girls will at least be open to escalation if things go really well when they agree to go to yours? It's a sign of trust. I never took girls I wasn't attracted to to my place though. And you'd be surprised what unexpected honesty does. You don't have to sound like a total creep. Just saying "Wow, it's kinda embarrassing but I actually had a wet dream last night" and seeing where she goes with it There's a spectrum for trust and safety and willingness to do things, and we're just going to have to agree to disagree on whether or not telling a girl you like that she made you wet yourself will earn you brownie points. My point is to not care if you earn brownie points in the first place, to not hold back things, even embarrassing ones, if long term trusting relationship is what you want. You put it out there, and see what she does with it. You will actually repulse a lot of girls and never see them again, and that's okay as you will attract those that matter and start with honest open communication right off the bat, which is the main thing that causes trouble in long term relationships. Of course if you want to just sleep with her and get the highest % of getting laid per date, girls that become your girlfriends, or any other short term goal then sure, I agree - asking questions to make her open up while holding back + being mysterious might arguably be the better approach, even though it's debatable as honesty will make you stand above the pack.
There's a huge difference between good communication and merely telling her absurd things. There's a difference between "I'm just being honest" and being tactful (i.e., knowing what to say and when to say it, and not going out of your way to say offensive or rude things just in the spirit of talking nonstop). You don't need to tell your wife or girlfriend every thought that goes through your mind, let alone a person who you aren't even in a relationship with yet. Being the reification of the "Jizz In My Pants" video is not the foundation of a long-term relationship. Some things just aren't appropriate to bring up.
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I have a different view on that. Especially things that'd make me embarrassed or that I'd think about later with her that'd pull me from the present moment I think you should absolutely share. Not doing something because "it's not appropriate" to me is almost absurd when I'm looking for someone I want to spend and share my life with.
So my girl knows I think she looks horrible in those horrid black old lady trousers she loves for some reason, that I used to watch porn every day and think of her and sometimes other girls when I masturbate sometimes 7 times per week, that I'm afraid to share my feelings sometimes because I'm afraid she'll judge me, that I cried like a girl when I broke up with my ex but also that I fucking love her, that her big ass looks gorgeous etc.and I wouldn't have it any other way. She has access to my thoughts journal even,it was super uncomfortable at first but I feel like I can tell her everything and she feels the same way, and I also want to find out her vulnerabilities, actual unfiltered thoughts and who she really is. And if we find something that makes us incompatible, you know what? That's okay, I'd rather be alone that being forced to be tactful in a relationship.
Maybe you see it differently, but you know what? That's okay too.
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On October 05 2015 02:35 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On October 05 2015 02:19 LemOn wrote:On October 05 2015 02:12 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On October 05 2015 02:09 LemOn wrote:On October 05 2015 00:12 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On October 04 2015 23:03 LemOn wrote:On October 04 2015 07:14 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On October 04 2015 07:03 LemOn wrote:On October 03 2015 19:37 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I'm back. I'd say the date went pretty good. We watched some Rick and Morty, made some nougat sauce with ice cream. Talked for an hour or something then we watched Unbroken. It was pretty late after the movie like 03:00 so she crashed at my place (on a mattress on the floor). All I was thinking before was "please do not have a wet dream today" (because nofap). What happens? I have the most sexual dream ever, I'm fucking this super hot girl and then I wake up at like 06:00 by an orgasm, whole body tingling. Went into the bathroom and changed boxers, she was still asleep so I don't think she knew. In the morning we went to the grocery store and bought her some stuff so we could eat break fast. She left like 20 minutes ago.
Still unsure if this will turn out to be a relationship, time will tell. Why not just have sex with her though btw? You didn't feel like it when she was at your place? Can't see many reasons not to when she was at your place You do realize your date has to consent before *just deciding to have sex* with her, right? Well you decide, and seduce her, she's at your place already, staying overnight - in my experience all girls that agree to that are open to at least some sexual involvement. It's pretty late and she's too tired to drive/ walk home... that doesn't always translate into "She must want the D." I'm just warning to be tactful and understand the context and talk to her. Maybe she wants something more, or maybe she's not yet ready for that (or maybe the guy isn't either!). It's not super black and white imo. On October 04 2015 23:11 LemOn wrote:On October 04 2015 07:56 bloodwhore~ wrote:On October 04 2015 07:03 LemOn wrote:
Why not just have sex with her though btw? You didn't feel like it when she was at your place? Can't see many reasons not to when she was at your place Because I was dating her with the intention of getting a gf, didn't feel a need to rush anything. Having sex second time meeting after having a slight fallout seems a bit weird. Not to mention when I asked if she wanted to sleep here she said "I'm really tired so don't expect any nightly activies." Also, I didn't even know how to pronounce her name before we went to bed. When we were about to sleep I was like "hey so how do you pronounce your name, is it 'versionA' or 'versionB'. She asked me to guess, 50/50 and I guessed wrong. Yeah fair enough (the 2nd date thing), I doubt you should get such things stop you from doing what you want though, it doesn't really matter when you sleep with a girl, holding back doesn't make much sense. She'll see you more as a friend now too which is rarely good. Imo unless you really don't feel like sleeping with her (why even consider her a gf material then...) making some sort of move then pulling back when she's not ready is many times better than holding back Btw I wanted to ask how she reacted when you told her about the wet dream in the morning, but of course you didn't. But I think this would be a great example where authentic honesty would be actually great I can't see how that conversation could go well at all. "Hey babe, I just wanted to let you know that being around a girl made me so horny last night that I actually wet my bed. Does that turn you on?" I mean when she decides to go to your place in the first place... Nowadays most girls will at least be open to escalation if things go really well when they agree to go to yours? It's a sign of trust. I never took girls I wasn't attracted to to my place though. And you'd be surprised what unexpected honesty does. You don't have to sound like a total creep. Just saying "Wow, it's kinda embarrassing but I actually had a wet dream last night" and seeing where she goes with it There's a spectrum for trust and safety and willingness to do things, and we're just going to have to agree to disagree on whether or not telling a girl you like that she made you wet yourself will earn you brownie points. My point is to not care if you earn brownie points in the first place, to not hold back things, even embarrassing ones, if long term trusting relationship is what you want. You put it out there, and see what she does with it. You will actually repulse a lot of girls and never see them again, and that's okay as you will attract those that matter and start with honest open communication right off the bat, which is the main thing that causes trouble in long term relationships. Of course if you want to just sleep with her and get the highest % of getting laid per date, girls that become your girlfriends, or any other short term goal then sure, I agree - asking questions to make her open up while holding back + being mysterious might arguably be the better approach, even though it's debatable as honesty will make you stand above the pack. There's a huge difference between good communication and merely telling her absurd things. There's a difference between "I'm just being honest" and being tactful (i.e., knowing what to say and when to say it, and not going out of your way to say offensive or rude things just in the spirit of talking nonstop). You don't need to tell your wife or girlfriend every thought that goes through your mind, let alone a person who you aren't even in a relationship with yet. Being the reification of the "Jizz In My Pants" video is not the foundation of a long-term relationship. Some things just aren't appropriate to bring up.
I have to agree with DPB here. Keeping everything to yourself is one extreme, blurting out every random thought without any consideration is the other. Communication is mediation. Considering what to say and how to say it is part of any relationship.
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I completely agree with the "how to say it" part! And of course, not interrupting when she's talking and being able to listen without blurting out random inconsequential thoughts and find out how she feels is a huge thing as well (and expressing yourself afterwards). With holding back because it's not appropriate or not tactful is what I don't agree with.
Meditation's great for that as you'll be able to follow and recognize your thoughts and feelings, all that is left is express them externally while leaving her space to express hers. We actually did an exercise a couple days back: just sit across each other in silence, look into each other's eyes for a few minutes, and whet the time's up then tell each other what thoughts the brain came up with during that time - I'd definitely recommend that if you're in a couple!
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Telling her that I had a wet dream and came because I haven't fapped for 50+ days would be a really bad move. I'm a very open person and I say what I have on my mind as you might have noticed in this thread and even I wouldn't say something like that unless she noticed. It didn't have to do anything with her, she just happened to be there.
I think you're on by yourself in this Lem0n. If I had a journal I wouldn't let anyone read it, regardless how much I trusted them and loved them. I think some sort of privacy is essential.
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Far from it! I've actually learned this approach from people much smarter and wiser than me( who work on these things for a living) - the radical honesty is not something I came up with by any means, it's just changed my life incredibly positively so I just thought I'd share it with you guys! I'll gladly share my sources if anyone's interested.
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I'm kind of with LemOn on this tbh,maybe bcause I've always been brutally honest, of course you don't have to say it, but mentionning it isn't a risk by any mean, it's almost like a free roll... worse case scenario is she's going to think it's a bit weird and funny you were this straightforward, which isn't really a bad thing
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On October 05 2015 03:48 ROOTFayth wrote:
I'm kind of with LemOn on this tbh,maybe bcause I've always been brutally honest, of course you don't have to say it, but mentionning it isn't a risk by any mean, it's almost like a free roll... worse case scenario is she's going to think it's a bit weird and funny you were this straightforward, which isn't really a bad thing
I guess technically the worst case scenario is that she thinks you're weird and inappropriate and turns you down the next time you ask her out on a date. Remember, this isn't in regards to someone you've been dating for a long time or have a history with. This is how you're making a first (or second) impression with a relatively new girl.
Obviously, if you miss your chance with her then there are probably plenty of other fish in the sea, but if you really like the girl, it might not be worth the risk. The risk is far greater than the reward.
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would be such a massive overreaction to completely shut you off from her life because of this that if this somehow happened she probably wouldn't be worth the trouble it feels
I guess then again it depends on how the previous night went and how you convey your thoughts to her, I'm pretty sure there would be ways to say it that would make almost any girl think you're creepy as hell whereas there would be other ways that would make any girl think it's funny
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I'm also with Lemon. Never tried it myself but the difficulty I have with sharing anything (like a lot of men I suppose) is unhealthy in my opinion..
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EPT
