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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On September 29 2015 03:35 B.I.G. wrote:
Also bloodwhore, just a thought:
I am getting the overall impression that you might be "sabotaging yourself" as you put it because you are putting too much pressure on yourself. This whole dating thing might be something you feel like you should be getting into at your age (late teens early twenties I'm guessing?), but I'd like to remind you that the dating gig is kind of overrated.
What you seem to be aiming for now is simply hooking up rather than a meaningful relationship. And yeah, hooking up can be fun. Fun in a similar way how getting drunk with friends can be fun, or playing a game or watching a movie you have been really excited for.
Actually, out of those three I would probably consider random hook ups to be the least satisfying. Generally all a hook up is good for is getting a few high fives and a dirty grin the next day. If even that. Anyone that tries to tell you that it's more important than that is someone with self esteem issues in my opinion.
The point of this incoherent rant is that I think that you are focusing on the wrong thing right now. Put hooking up out of your mind for now and focus on things that make you happy. From the way you talk on this forum I can only imagine that you are pleasant person so the ladies will come in due time.
Spare yourself the frustration of a senseless chase..
TLDR: Forget about hook ups, you're not missing much. Focus on you and a nice girl will come in due time.
I disagree. Hookup is a good way to have some fun without the emotional investment of a normal relationship. There's no cycle of ups and downs, which makes it a lot less stressful.
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On September 29 2015 03:35 B.I.G. wrote:
Also bloodwhore, just a thought:
I am getting the overall impression that you might be "sabotaging yourself" as you put it because you are putting too much pressure on yourself. This whole dating thing might be something you feel like you should be getting into at your age (late teens early twenties I'm guessing?), but I'd like to remind you that the dating gig is kind of overrated.
What you seem to be aiming for now is simply hooking up rather than a meaningful relationship. And yeah, hooking up can be fun. Fun in a similar way how getting drunk with friends can be fun, or playing a game or watching a movie you have been really excited for.
Actually, out of those three I would probably consider random hook ups to be the least satisfying. Generally all a hook up is good for is getting a few high fives and a dirty grin the next day. If even that. Anyone that tries to tell you that it's more important than that is someone with self esteem issues in my opinion.
The point of this incoherent rant is that I think that you are focusing on the wrong thing right now. Put hooking up out of your mind for now and focus on things that make you happy. From the way you talk on this forum I can only imagine that you are pleasant person so the ladies will come in due time.
Spare yourself the frustration of a senseless chase..
TLDR: Forget about hook ups, you're not missing much. Focus on you and a nice girl will come in due time.
I can vouch for all of what you're saying at least with my own experience.
I broke a very long dry spell last night with a drunken hook up with one of the bartenders at the restaurant near where I work. When it was all said and done I don't feel any different than I did the morning I woke up before I hung out with her, only now I get to answer for myself all of the fun questions surrounding said hook up and whether or not it meant anything.
In a weird stupid sense it's kind of a self confidence boost because now I know that I've at least been laid relatively recently, but it doesn't fix the loneliness that comes with being single for so long.
Not everyone will end up feeling the way I do, not everyone needs relationships to feel fulfilled and happy, but some of us do. For us, hook ups are at best a nice distraction and at worst just additional anxiety. They shouldn't be the goal, nor the focus of your love life.
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You should feel fulfilled and happy on your own in the first place, without needing hookups or a serious relationship, you eventually revert to your normal state and reality sets in sooner or later.
As to getting hookups or a serious partner there isn't much difference - you constantly put yourself out there, meet loads of women, find the ones with high mutual attraction and compatibility.
Only difference being that it's easier to find fuck buddies and statistically you will have to go through way more women to find a partner for life as there's way more compatibility criteria for a long term relationship than hookups/fuck buddies.
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So the nofap is doing things. Yesterday I was so fucking horny. Unbelievable, never been that horny before. Was thinking of texting the tinder girl I didn't really have sex with again for a the last chance. However she sent a snap the same day saying she was away for some job practice, and she is away for 6 weeks...
Saw a blonde girl near my building again, not sure if it's the same as before who I planned to ask out but I'll definitely go for her as well.
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Well that was unexpected. I was on the yik yak app again, some girl made a post about how she bought a longboard instead of clothes. I responded with "Not a bad choice though, I went longboarding yesterday. Feels good in the autumn sun.". She then asked me if I would like to go longboarding with her in the weekend. I said sure if the weather is alright, I have tried to find someone else to longboard with before but they have always bailed.
Anyway after leaving my contact there I get a text from the girl who I just crash and burned with saying "how sick that you commented on my post again". Took me a while to realize it was her. Small world. Chatted a bit about longboarding then I went to bed. Last text I got "Still glad you're the one who responded, then we maybe can go longboarding together, if the weather is good  ."
I'm still pretty unsure if I want to date her but I'll probably take her up on the longboard cruise.
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i dont believe in fate or destiny
but seems like fate
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On October 01 2015 18:09 evilfatsh1t wrote:
i dont believe in fate or destiny
but seems like fate
Either that, or you two are the only users of that yikyak app!
Also: wait. What? Surfing in Sweden? Tiny waves and freezing water. Yeuch.
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On October 01 2015 20:19 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On October 01 2015 18:09 evilfatsh1t wrote:
i dont believe in fate or destiny
but seems like fate Either that, or you two are the only users of that yikyak app! Also: wait. What? Surfing in Sweden? Tiny waves and freezing water. Yeuch.
Longboarding = Skateboarding with a long(er) board
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On October 01 2015 18:09 evilfatsh1t wrote:
i dont believe in fate or destiny
but seems like fate
 It really does sound like some shitty romantic comedy.
Either that, or you two are the only users of that yikyak app!
Not at all, yikyak in my city is the most active one in Sweden (I think, one place might have more activity, I'm not sure), and I'm probably one of the most active users in this city as well. The irony, my relationship advice always gets tons of upvotes on yikyak, I am like the relationship guru on there.
It's like a skateboard but longer and with bigger wheels. Wakeboarding okay in Sweden, tried it for the first time this summer it was still a bit cold though.. Don't think there are waves big enough for it to be fun to do normal surfing...
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It's the new hipster thing
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Welp. She is coming to my place today. At 21:30. I don't really have much to do here except for listening to music, if we're going to watch a movie it's going to be on my laptop and unless we want to sit in different chairs which would be kind of odd that's a no go, then there is talking and other things. I guess we'll see what happens.
It's the new hipster thing
She has one where she comes from but yeah I agree, most people don't really ride their longboards, they use them as fashion statements.
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Not sure if it's even worth posting, but I came to the decision to not have sex again until I am married. It might be a case of not getting sex to my will is not getting sex, but even that is better.
Anyway, that's what I wonna do, I want to marry, a few of my best friends married, and it's not like in the (us) movies, the wedding ceremony can be quite simple, and just very nice, without the bs acting.
One couple married in a very small church in the old part of the town, and played a heavy metal song in the end when everyone left the church, the other couple used a song from halo which suits very nicely (drumrun) while the bride was entering...
Anyway, the reason why I don't want to fuck until then, is that a) I want to give it more value b) I want to learn abstinence to avoid cheating (what I ve done and was done to me, too).
I am sure sometime I ll meet a girl that understands that. Patience's a virtue.
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On October 02 2015 19:08 unsaeglich wrote:
Not sure if it's even worth posting, but I came to the decision to not have sex again until I am married. It might be a case of not getting sex to my will is not getting sex, but even that is better.
Anyway, that's what I wonna do, I want to marry, a few of my best friends married, and it's not like in the (us) movies, the wedding ceremony can be quite simple, and just very nice, without the bs acting.
One couple married in a very small church in the old part of the town, and played a heavy metal song in the end when everyone left the church, the other couple used a song from halo which suits very nicely (drumrun) while the bride was entering...
Anyway, the reason why I don't want to fuck until then, is that a) I want to give it more value b) I want to learn abstinence to avoid cheating (what I ve done and was done to me, too).
I am sure sometime I ll meet a girl that understands that. Patience's a virtue.
I definitely think it's worthy of this thread but are you serious...? I actually think you will have a hard time finding a girl like that. Unless you get married like super early in the relationship I don't see a lot of dating prospects for you. And getting married quickly seems like a horrible idea. Is this usual where you live? I myself would never marry anyone that I hadn't been with for at least a few years and I'm not even sure if I'd ever want to get married. Going without sex for that long in a relationship, eeeeh.
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I dont think not having sex will do anything about cheating problems anyway. You probably dont cheat because some kind of irresistible urge for sex, but because of some deeper lying issues.
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On October 02 2015 20:51 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On October 02 2015 19:08 unsaeglich wrote:
Not sure if it's even worth posting, but I came to the decision to not have sex again until I am married. It might be a case of not getting sex to my will is not getting sex, but even that is better.
Anyway, that's what I wonna do, I want to marry, a few of my best friends married, and it's not like in the (us) movies, the wedding ceremony can be quite simple, and just very nice, without the bs acting.
One couple married in a very small church in the old part of the town, and played a heavy metal song in the end when everyone left the church, the other couple used a song from halo which suits very nicely (drumrun) while the bride was entering...
Anyway, the reason why I don't want to fuck until then, is that a) I want to give it more value b) I want to learn abstinence to avoid cheating (what I ve done and was done to me, too).
I am sure sometime I ll meet a girl that understands that. Patience's a virtue. I definitely think it's worthy of this thread but are you serious...? I actually think you will have a hard time finding a girl like that. Unless you get married like super early in the relationship I don't see a lot of dating prospects for you. And getting married quickly seems like a horrible idea. Is this usual where you live? I myself would never marry anyone that I hadn't been with for at least a few years and I'm not even sure if I'd ever want to get married. Going without sex for that long in a relationship, eeeeh.
you havent had sex in like 22 years, including the at minimum 6 years since you actually learned about sex and wanted to try for yourself
do you really think not being without sex for a few more years would be impossible
although i do agree that abstinence isnt gonna solve any cheating urges you may get. the only way i believe a cheater can fully 'cure' him/herself of the temptation is to find someone who theyre so madly in love with that the very thought of cheating sickens them. of course, these kinds of relationships are like 1 in a million, in which case the cheater would have to learn self control and other important attributes which would stop oneself from being unfaithful. but the likelihood of someone whos cheated realising their mistakes and fully controlling themselves are very slim imo
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you misunderstand me, I don't have a cheater issue.. but I believe it exists a 'cheating problem'. In life nothing is certain, but with your will you determent the way. And I think everyone has to find his way and what is best for him. To settle with random hookups is for me not helpful. I am looking for a lasting relationship, and waiting to have sex once I ve met this person is the least of my concerns. That I am willing to give up on something for a longer time and only to share sex with her is just a way of saying that it is what I want.
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On October 02 2015 21:15 evilfatsh1t wrote:
do you really think not being without sex for a few more years would be impossible
Of course it wouldn't be impossible if I didn't have a partner. However I would definitely be one who thinks sex is important in a relationship. I avoided a relationship with one girl because I wasn't attracted to her, and it's the same reason I have doubts about the girl I'm meeting today. I am probably kind of shallow but can't fight my brain, I want someone I find attractive. Wouldn't really be fair to the girl I was with either.
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On October 02 2015 21:44 unsaeglich wrote: That I am willing to give up on something for a longer time and only to share sex with her is just a way of saying that it is what I want.
Sure, but how long would you wait before you marry someone then?
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I am not in a hurry, I am lucky if all this happens within 5 years.
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On October 02 2015 19:08 unsaeglich wrote:
Not sure if it's even worth posting, but I came to the decision to not have sex again until I am married. It might be a case of not getting sex to my will is not getting sex, but even that is better.
Anyway, that's what I wonna do, I want to marry, a few of my best friends married, and it's not like in the (us) movies, the wedding ceremony can be quite simple, and just very nice, without the bs acting.
One couple married in a very small church in the old part of the town, and played a heavy metal song in the end when everyone left the church, the other couple used a song from halo which suits very nicely (drumrun) while the bride was entering...
Anyway, the reason why I don't want to fuck until then, is that a) I want to give it more value b) I want to learn abstinence to avoid cheating (what I ve done and was done to me, too).
I am sure sometime I ll meet a girl that understands that. Patience's a virtue.
Eh, really funny you mention that, I feel like I can remain faithful to the woman I love BECAUSE I was fucking around before and during I met her. There's no "what if" because I've done that heavy dating period, and made a conscious choice to be exclusively with her as she fulfills me in a way none of the various girls or all of them combined could. And that includes sexually - healthy sexual life is an inseparable part of a happy marriage unless it's between two asexuals. And in sex, compatibility is a big thing. E.g. what if your dick is too big for her and every time you have sex it causes her pain? What if one of you is deep down into SM and domination and the other one's repulsed by it? What if your sexual drives are the polar opposites? You're basically forcing yourself into a huge risk of an unhappy incompatible marriage, without even having a woman in sight.
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EPT
