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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On September 27 2015 21:53 evilfatsh1t wrote:
thoughts on dating a friends ex?
i have a really close friend who went out with a girl about 5 years ago. the relationship wasnt a really long one but it has massive significance to him as she was the reason why he moved to a different country to study (couldnt handle the breakup). he also says he hasnt been able to find a girl ever since who could make him feel as happy as he did with her, although that seems to be changing with his latest (current) gf. now he says he doesnt give a shit about the ex and wouldnt care if i went out with her but you cant be sure.
would any of you go out (or have gone out) with a close friends ex?
There's your answer. Not worth the trouble.
Unless you consider this new girl worth risking/ losing your friendship with your friend? But I doubt it.
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Personally, I'd avoid dating a friends ex, even if they claim it's fine.
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WHAT A RIDE.
Sent her the text I said in my last post, well a slight variation of it at least. She got sad, wanted to talk to me in real, told me she wasn't usually like that.
Responded with something about I won't change my mind about it and that I don't really want to date someone I'm a bit pissed on.
She said something similar again and after a few hours she sent another text asking for another chance.
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Sounds like you handled it badly.
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On September 28 2015 05:29 bloodwhore~ wrote:
WHAT A RIDE.
Sent her the text I said in my last post, well a slight variation of it at least. She got sad, wanted to talk to me in real, told me she wasn't usually like that.
Responded with something about I won't change my mind about it and that I don't really want to date someone I'm a bit pissed on.
She said something similar again and after a few hours she sent another text asking for another chance.
I just read your post about the text you were going to (and did) send.
Dude, wtf. Way to be a judgmental jerk. You should have at least gone out on the date. There was no guarantee she was going to be hung over, and there was no guarantee you were going to have a bad time. It would have been much better to still go on the date and then assess afterwards what happened, what condition she was in, etc.
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On September 28 2015 06:47 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
I just read your post about the text you were going to (and did) send.
I'm guessing you only read half of it then. Her being hungover would be one thing however I expect people I date not to be wasted a few hours before. She couldn't have cared much about the date, and as I have repeatedly said before, I'm not interested in dating someone who isn't interested in me.
I'm not willingly going to go on a date with someone who is hungover again either. Worst experience regarding dating I've ever had.
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Maybe she wanted to be less inhibited on the date because she was overly anxious about it because she really cared about making a good impression on you.
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On September 28 2015 14:49 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On September 28 2015 06:47 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
I just read your post about the text you were going to (and did) send. I'm guessing you only read half of it then. Her being hungover would be one thing however I expect people I date not to be wasted a few hours before. She couldn't have cared much about the date, and as I have repeatedly said before, I'm not interested in dating someone who isn't interested in me. I'm not willingly going to go on a date with someone who is hungover again either. Worst experience regarding dating I've ever had.
I'm sorry, but it sounds like you put too much weight on a "date".
I can understand that you feel as if it is less important for her, but if you're going to act like this, then I don't think you will ever find a suitable girl. Relationships/dating etc, requires you to let the other side be themselves aswell.
Like we told you to be yourself, the same goes for letting herself be. If you can't accept her for who she is, or want to change the girl to your own fitting, maybe look at yourself before trying to find a relationship.
Relationships are about giving and receiving. And yes, maybe this girl isn't the one for you, but you should atleast give her a chance to be, instead of judging her straight away. It's exactly the same as you had with the last girl : "I don't think I'm attracted to her", "I don't want a relationship with her, so lets cancel the whole show".
You keep stepping on your own feet, but I'm not sure you realize it 
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On September 28 2015 15:05 IgnE wrote:
Maybe she wanted to be less inhibited on the date because she was overly anxious about it because she really cared about making a good impression on you.
You don't start drinking 24 hours before that and she said herself that she wasn't nervous. I wasn't nervous either but I joked about that I would chug half a liter Jägermeister before and she said herself that that was unnecessary because she is a chill girl.
From an earlier post about this girl:
I'm afraid this could turn out be a deja vu of the first tinder girl I met though. I liked talking to her as well but I didn't really fall for her looks so I didn't go for it.
Was I right or was I right. I am sure good at ruining things. I'm just going to stop dating girls I don't find really attractive.
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On September 28 2015 17:11 WonnaPlay wrote:I'm sorry, but it sounds like you put too much weight on a "date". I can understand that you feel as if it is less important for her, but if you're going to act like this, then I don't think you will ever find a suitable girl. Relationships/dating etc, requires you to let the other side be themselves aswell. Like we told you to be yourself, the same goes for letting herself be. If you can't accept her for who she is, or want to change the girl to your own fitting, maybe look at yourself before trying to find a relationship. Relationships are about giving and receiving. And yes, maybe this girl isn't the one for you, but you should atleast give her a chance to be, instead of judging her straight away. It's exactly the same as you had with the last girl : "I don't think I'm attracted to her", "I don't want a relationship with her, so lets cancel the whole show". You keep stepping on your own feet, but I'm not sure you realize it
Didn't even read this before I posted my last post but I agree with most of what you say.
I just think the least you can do if you have booked a date with someone is at least tell reschedule. Being hungover or drunk on a date is a dealbreaker for me. She has backpaddled all the way too, so it's not just me that think it's rude to do that.
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Her saying: "im still drunk from the night before and if you want to pass on the date because youre tired it's ok" comment would rub me the wrong way as well.
But you immediately going for the I'm disappointed approach is overkill as well. Personally if she would say that I would tell her that it's up to her and let the interest come from her side. If you are at the date and it sucks (because she is super hungover) just get up and leave.
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On September 28 2015 14:49 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On September 28 2015 06:47 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
I just read your post about the text you were going to (and did) send. I'm guessing you only read half of it then. Her being hungover would be one thing however I expect people I date not to be wasted a few hours before.
No, I was including that in your being too judgmental.
It's like the second random date with no particular strings attached and you're already guilt-tripping her and trying to make decisions for what she does on her own, in her free time. I think getting wasted is a turn-off too, but you didn't even make an attempt at seeing how things would turn out.
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On September 28 2015 19:09 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
It's like the second random date with no particular strings attached and you're already guilt-tripping her and trying to make decisions for what she does on her own, in her free time. I think getting wasted is a turn-off too, but you didn't even make an attempt at seeing how things would turn out.
You're completely ignoring my argument. She can be wasted any day she wants for all I care, I do however have a problem if she would be hungover on our date. I'd be equally butthurt if she didn't sleep for an entire day and she got there tired as shit, or if she got there one hour late.
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shit happens.
she could have drunk the night before fully expecting not to be hungover, but for some reason she was
she may not have slept the entire day before because she was just too restless in bed (happens to me sometimes, especially if i have something on my mind)
she may be one hour late because of some freak accident and her mode of transport is delayed
shit happens. youll enjoy life more if you learn to just go with things rather than have a bitch fit when something doesnt go your way
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On September 28 2015 19:24 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On September 28 2015 19:09 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
It's like the second random date with no particular strings attached and you're already guilt-tripping her and trying to make decisions for what she does on her own, in her free time. I think getting wasted is a turn-off too, but you didn't even make an attempt at seeing how things would turn out. You're completely ignoring my argument. She can be wasted any day she wants for all I care, I do however have a problem if she would be hungover on our date. I'd be equally butthurt if she didn't sleep for an entire day and she got there tired as shit, or if she got there one hour late.
Take this from someone who's absurdly rigid in his perspective of social niceties and considerations and relationships: I think you're being too rigid and not considering her contexts (and only considering your feelings). (I agree with the one hour late issue though... although if she told you in advance, I wouldn't mind. I just wouldn't want to sit there for one hour doing nothing.)
But you're certainly entitled to your approach... I'm just afraid you might be missing out on things/ people that/ who aren't as bad as you think. That seems to be the general feedback you're getting from everyone replying to your comments, to ease up on pressing the Stop button so eagerly. You're in your own way :/
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Yeah I think you're all right.. I'm pretty self-destructive when it comes to dating..
edit: The irony that my favorite dota 2 hero is techies...
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On September 27 2015 19:29 bloodwhore~ wrote:
God damn it. So I was going on a date today with the girl I went climbing with and now I'm thinking about cancelling.
I'll just go through our interaction:
She texted a picture of her drinking at like 03.00 today.
When I woke up I asked how often she parties.
She responds with that she just "chill partied".
I responded saying that she was quite the party animal (she has been out like three times this week).
She stated that she is working every weekend until the 6th of november. And said she is still drunk (at 11:00).
I asked if she was going to be hungover at our date.
She said "Am I allowed to be? You can pass on the date if you feel it will be (dont really have a good translation for the word but) tiresome..."
Damn, I'm actually really disappointed, really started looking forward to it. Now I am not even sure I want to meet her again, at least not today. She knew she was meeting me days before and she still decides to drink so much that she is drunk at 11? Yeah not a good sign in my eyes, doesn't really make me feel like she wanted to see me. I find it odd too since she was the one who said was unsure if I even wanted to see her again.
I haven't answered yet.. will go climbing in before I do so I don't do anything rash.
If I decide not to I'll probably say something like..
"I think I will pass. I'm actually kind of disappointed, started to look forward to this quite a bit. I've gone on date with a girl who was hung over before and it was not an enjoyable experience. However it's not even only that the date could be bad. You knew you had a date and still you drink as much so you could possibly be hungover, that's a huge red flag in my eyes. Possibly another time but I don't know..."
First of all, what is all this texting about in the first place? Waste of time really?
Second, that message's just horrible man to a person you barely know and vice versa.
I'd send something like:
"Drunk at 11am? Lindsay Lohan Alert! Honestly though, I want to get to know your best self, so seeing you hangover doesn't interest me. But why don't you tell me what other days work for you and I'd love to take you out on a date then!"
If you can get over it. And if not then, either nothing at all, or just send her a "it wouldn't work out as I'm looking for something else but it was fun hanging out, bye" text.
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On September 29 2015 00:32 LemOn wrote:
First of all, what is all this texting about in the first place? Waste of time really?
Second, that message's just horrible man to a person you barely know and vice versa.
Well it was really only the part below that was the texting about the issue, before I was just making normal conversation and teasing her for going out a lot.
She stated that she is working every weekend until the 6th of november. And said she is still drunk (at 11:00).
I asked if she was going to be hungover at our date.
She said "Am I allowed to be? You can pass on the date if you feel it will be (dont really have a good translation for the word but) tiresome..."
That lindsay lohan alert line was pretty funny but that sounds even worse what I sent haha...
This really feels like a hardcore deja vu of the first tinder girl i went on two dates with. Will send a apology about how I reacted but I'm still unsure if I want to go on a date, maybe I should just go on a date and decide after I have no idea....
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Also bloodwhore, just a thought:
I am getting the overall impression that you might be "sabotaging yourself" as you put it because you are putting too much pressure on yourself. This whole dating thing might be something you feel like you should be getting into at your age (late teens early twenties I'm guessing?), but I'd like to remind you that the dating gig is kind of overrated.
What you seem to be aiming for now is simply hooking up rather than a meaningful relationship. And yeah, hooking up can be fun. Fun in a similar way how getting drunk with friends can be fun, or playing a game or watching a movie you have been really excited for.
Actually, out of those three I would probably consider random hook ups to be the least satisfying. Generally all a hook up is good for is getting a few high fives and a dirty grin the next day. If even that. Anyone that tries to tell you that it's more important than that is someone with self esteem issues in my opinion.
The point of this incoherent rant is that I think that you are focusing on the wrong thing right now. Put hooking up out of your mind for now and focus on things that make you happy. From the way you talk on this forum I can only imagine that you are pleasant person so the ladies will come in due time.
Spare yourself the frustration of a senseless chase..
TLDR: Forget about hook ups, you're not missing much. Focus on you and a nice girl will come in due time.
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On September 29 2015 03:35 B.I.G. wrote:TLDR: Forget about hook ups, you're not missing much. Focus on you and a nice girl will come in due time.
I didn't want to date this girl just for a hookup but I hear you.
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EPT
