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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On September 09 2015 09:33 LemOn wrote:
Jeez, she must have been so freaked out by the guns, I know I would!
Also, did you guys pork yet?
The golden question as it seems  . The answer would be yip. And "pork" sounds like a really weird term for that to a non native speaker. Does it have any relation to "pork" as in meat of a pig?
And yeah, she was quite scared, but the explanation was easy, then she was mad at me because she refused to believe that I just forgot about it and purposely not told her. But I also managed that by going full on Jack Sparrow, explaining that she indeed would most likely be right with her assumption, that I wouldn't have told her when I remembered, just to prank her, but didn't and apologized anyways, so there isn't really a reason to be mad. In general I found out that confusing her with some Olympic mental leaps works greatly to stop her being angry at me - until she realized what I have done of course : D.
On September 08 2015 05:18 Chocolate wrote:Show nested quote +On September 08 2015 02:10 IgnE wrote:
You have a negative attitude waffelz. Maybe you should just try something you think you don't like and/or are bad at. Yeah I agree. Maybe you won't find a perfect thing to do but shooting down almost every idea indicates to me that you are quite afraid to leave your very small comfort zone.
Or it tells you that the activity either would inflict even greater pain upon me then I already experience/be flat-out dangerous, or that I already tried it and found it not compelling(or it would be nonsense to attend. like a wine tasting when you don't drink alcohol, where ironically I did settle for the substitute in the form of a chocolate tasting, despite not being a sweets guy, out of curiosity). Maybe I should have written some reasons why I refuse activity X, but I also haven't listed all the ones that I will try out. I usually have no problem trying new stuff, but I wasn't asking for new stuff in general, but stuff that I could do with minimal physical effort since everything else is either extremely painful, but I still want to to/try out stuff, which should be indicative that I can leave my comfort zone. I do have some pain meds, but since the pain is fairly strong so are the meds. They make me feel extremely dizzy and tired, so I stick to only taking them in the evening/night so I can sleep properly for a few hours.
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Well, how'd that happen, and when did you decide to give away your precious flower :D
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On September 10 2015 02:51 LemOn wrote:
Well, how'd that happen, and when did you decide to give away your precious flower :D
Not sure if you confusing me with bloodwhore, he is our virgin. Or he used to be, I am not on top of things in here. I was just the dude who prefers not to sleep around. My precious flower is long gone^^.
Went on vacation to France and scheduled my return trip so I would have some time to see Paris before the departure of my bus. Luckily I already had a few hours in Paris on my arrival trip, so I managed to pick up that there aren’t any lockers in Paris because of terrorism so you could only leave your luggage at the hotel, and since I wanted to see a bit more of Paris, I decided to stay a few days on my way back. Asked her how she would like staying a couple of days in Paris with me, she agreed so I rebooked my bus from Paris to Germany, we met in Paris had a few nice days and things happened in a hotel in the city of love, just to make things kitschy  . ...Thanks terrorism I guess?
In all seriousness though, it could have happened before, but before I went on vacation there was our gym-tournament I wrote about going on. After that I quickly felt comfortable enough with her but was to demolished and horrifying looking.
Also, she told me that experience how serious I am about sex definitely improved the emotional/mental aspect of it for her and made her feel much more comfortable in retrospect, so eat that TL .
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On September 09 2015 10:03 LemOn wrote:
great date today btw, Asean film festival with a hilariously shitty malaysian movie, with malaysian band playing before hand and tasting of food after. And then we went night climbing a wall, ended by one last time in a tent at my place (in the living room :D) I've got quite a few scratches on me, she tends to do that.
One thing I should get under control is doing it without a condom here and there - just a few seconds at a time, e.g. when we are masturbating in-front of each other, I mean the probability is super low as I do it after 1-2 times+ so there's no pre-cum really, but there's always a risk (which gives us a kick out of it too)
She also made a habit out of reading my thoughts journal, it's pretty uncomfortable still since I write about her+sometimes other girls and e.g. today she read an entry about what memories about her pop into my head while jacking off
Why are you masturbating in front of each other instead of making it a group activity?
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he is our virgin
T-thanks..
Well time to update you guys a bit.
Not much has changed. Reaching a month on a nofap. I have not met the tinder girl for more than a month. My interest has slightly died down the last two weeks. She was busy a lot in the start of this university period, then she got sick and is getting better now. I've asked if she wanted to meet up twice the last two weeks which she responded enthusiastically to. However I've learned that actions speak louder than words so I can't say I trust her or distrust her. I'll probably wait for her to ask me to hang out otherwise I'll just wait until I get super horny and then send her a message.
In other news a friend of mine seems to be trying to set up me with one of his girlfriends friends. I haven't gotten any information about her other than that he asked me if he wanted me to get some variance with dating. I said yes then when I asked him about it he said "you'll meet her in time". I'm pretty "wut" about this but I gotta say I'm getting pretty intrigued. However he is one of my best friends and I think he knows what I like so I hope he has someone nice for me in store.
I am once again after something more serious, the cuddling and kissing with someone you don't have any really strong feelings for is nice, but the real deal is most likely waay better and I want a gf. I deleted my tinder account two weeks ago too.
Edit:
Also going to a rave tomorrow doing ecstasy.
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On September 10 2015 06:46 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:Show nested quote +On September 09 2015 10:03 LemOn wrote:
great date today btw, Asean film festival with a hilariously shitty malaysian movie, with malaysian band playing before hand and tasting of food after. And then we went night climbing a wall, ended by one last time in a tent at my place (in the living room :D) I've got quite a few scratches on me, she tends to do that.
One thing I should get under control is doing it without a condom here and there - just a few seconds at a time, e.g. when we are masturbating in-front of each other, I mean the probability is super low as I do it after 1-2 times+ so there's no pre-cum really, but there's always a risk (which gives us a kick out of it too)
She also made a habit out of reading my thoughts journal, it's pretty uncomfortable still since I write about her+sometimes other girls and e.g. today she read an entry about what memories about her pop into my head while jacking off Why are you masturbating in front of each other instead of making it a group activity?
we do both/69
There's just something watching her pleasure herself that turns me on tho, we like to mix things up in general, it's not like there's a routine or anything, it usually only happens when we go for 3+ times/night, and she's reached climax just once altogether in front me when going solo.
I need to stop the non-condom thing though, I know the risk's really low but not worth it. I've just seen a documentary of UK Stag parties where men intentionally sleep with prostitute with STDs without a condom, because they get a rush out of it. This is just similar recklessness on my part.
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On September 10 2015 16:37 bloodwhore~ wrote:T-thanks.. Well time to update you guys a bit. Not much has changed. Reaching a month on a nofap. I have not met the tinder girl for more than a month. My interest has slightly died down the last two weeks. She was busy a lot in the start of this university period, then she got sick and is getting better now. I've asked if she wanted to meet up twice the last two weeks which she responded enthusiastically to. However I've learned that actions speak louder than words so I can't say I trust her or distrust her. I'll probably wait for her to ask me to hang out otherwise I'll just wait until I get super horny and then send her a message. In other news a friend of mine seems to be trying to set up me with one of his girlfriends friends. I haven't gotten any information about her other than that he asked me if he wanted me to get some variance with dating. I said yes then when I asked him about it he said "you'll meet her in time". I'm pretty "wut" about this but I gotta say I'm getting pretty intrigued. However he is one of my best friends and I think he knows what I like so I hope he has someone nice for me in store. I am once again after something more serious, the cuddling and kissing with someone you don't have any really strong feelings for is nice, but the real deal is most likely waay better and I want a gf. I deleted my tinder account two weeks ago too. Edit: Also going to a rave tomorrow doing ecstasy.
What happened with putting yourself out there? You had such potential. If you really want a quality serious girlfriend then drop the tinder chick, forget about these long shots, and start asking girls you find attractive out and go on loads of dates
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On September 10 2015 16:59 LemOn wrote:
What happened with putting yourself out there? You had such potential. If you really want a quality serious girlfriend then drop the tinder chick, forget about these long shots, and start asking girls you find attractive out and go on loads of dates
Well I haven't really stopped. I had very few tinder matches left that I was interested in and I had swiped pretty much everyone. I might make a new account with better pictures later but at the moment I can't be arsed. I am planning on asking out girls I find attractive. I have one girl in one of my math classes that I just need some decent opportunity to talk to and there is a blonde in my building that I'm going to ask out next time I see her.
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I assumed at this point you might be ready to delete tinder, and not even consider going back to it
It's like
1) Online Dating
2) Pickup with openers/routines
3) pickup with radical polarizing honesty (mostly using situational "openers" but it really means you are just yourself and present to your surroundings)
Where 1 being the easiest with lowest success rate and 3 being the hardest in terms of courage with the highest success rate.
My goal when/if I'm single is to get to seamless 3 unless you actually manage to somehow luck box a quality girlfriend using the 1st two.
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People in sweden are fairly introverted even though they're extroverted, nomsayin? You don't really ask random girls for dates. You should see the Yik Yak variant in sweden, like 10-20 % of the comments are about how lonely people are and how everyone wants a relationship and if they should get tinder etc. A lot of people have tinder, probably more than half of the people who are single.
If you're pretty good looking you can meet a ton of women really easy through tinder. I mean, just given by the women I've dated through tinder. One I myself said I didn't want to date as real dating. One I have some weird as "almostfuckbuddy" type deal with? I'd say my success rate is pretty decent once I get a date, and I'm not that good looking compared to others which would make girls way more interested in going on dates.
The bad thing about tinder is that everyone are so superficial, so am I but since the girls have the pick of the litter average guys are pretty fucked.
I kind of just rambled here but you're correct. I think approaching girls in real would have a way higher probability of something lasting. But it's fucking scary to ask out girls just like that, I've only done it once with a girl I was already friends with and even that was scary. It did feel good doing it though. When I'm doing it next time I will probably just tell them I find them attractive and then ask if she wants to go on a date, no small talk at that point because it would be weird for me if she is not ready for it.
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yeah it's a waste of time, you can't recognize chemistry really online and there's buttloads of competition.
Where IRL there is none in Sweden it seems. Picking up a good PUA book as a crutch would help you out until you get comfortable being yourself and talking to girls
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Yeah it's the buttload of competition that I'm most bothered with.
I don't know if a PUA book would help and I really don't like that community at all. I'm pretty alright with talking to people - if I have something to talk about. It's just that I'm the guy who doesn't say much unless I "have to". I could easily sit for an hour or two in a skype conversation just listening. I'm not going to excel at small talking if the girl isn't ready for it, I'd just feel awkward. However if I can get a number, set up a date then do it she will know I'm trying to get to know her and it will be way easier. I don't think it would be that hard for me to get a number either even though I just practically go "Hey i think you're cute, would you like to go on a date?"
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If it wasn't hard you would have already done it, and would be doing it loads of times if you really want a girlfriend.
Unless girls in Sweden are super ugly and none of them attract you that is?
Lines and routines help you overcome the anxiety, they are like training wheels on a bike before you can drop them and go way faster, putting yourself honestly out there and being okay with the rejection.
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On September 11 2015 01:51 bloodwhore~ wrote:
People in sweden are fairly introverted even though they're extroverted, nomsayin? You don't really ask random girls for dates. You should see the Yik Yak variant in sweden, like 10-20 % of the comments are about how lonely people are and how everyone wants a relationship and if they should get tinder etc. A lot of people have tinder, probably more than half of the people who are single.
If you're pretty good looking you can meet a ton of women really easy through tinder. I mean, just given by the women I've dated through tinder. One I myself said I didn't want to date as real dating. One I have some weird as "almostfuckbuddy" type deal with? I'd say my success rate is pretty decent once I get a date, and I'm not that good looking compared to others which would make girls way more interested in going on dates.
The bad thing about tinder is that everyone are so superficial, so am I but since the girls have the pick of the litter average guys are pretty fucked.
I kind of just rambled here but you're correct. I think approaching girls in real would have a way higher probability of something lasting. But it's fucking scary to ask out girls just like that, I've only done it once with a girl I was already friends with and even that was scary. It did feel good doing it though. When I'm doing it next time I will probably just tell them I find them attractive and then ask if she wants to go on a date, no small talk at that point because it would be weird for me if she is not ready for it.
This is pretty much the same as for Denmark, tinder is so superficial, and the shyness and lack of confidence in danish girls will remove you as match before you've even managed to write 1 word. I don't really like tinder here to be honest, it just look and judge only by appearance. You can ask out a random girl in public but there's not really a culture for that here so it would probably be abit wierd.
When i went to Colombia the story is completely different, there i would get several matches a day of absolutely gorgeous girls, text 2-3 girls. I could ask out any girl on the street almost, got several numbers in public from gorgeous girls behind a store counter, approach a girl sitting alone, talk abit, get her phone number. The game was upside down compared to the coldness of Denmark. The girls in latin america or Clombia are so confident and passive aggressive in their femininity and everything you'd love from a confident girl.
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On September 11 2015 17:37 LemOn wrote:
If it wasn't hard you would have already done it, and would be doing it loads of times if you really want a girlfriend.
Unless girls in Sweden are super ugly and none of them attract you that is?
Lines and routines help you overcome the anxiety, they are like training wheels on a bike before you can drop them and go way faster, putting yourself honestly out there and being okay with the rejection.
Hard != Scary in my opinion.
"unless girls in sweden are super ugly" huehuehueuhhaha
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On September 11 2015 05:35 LemOn wrote:
yeah it's a waste of time, you can't recognize chemistry really online and there's buttloads of competition.
Where IRL there is none in Sweden it seems. Picking up a good PUA book as a crutch would help you out until you get comfortable being yourself and talking to girls
I can't say for people living in Sweden itself, but I must say that picking up girls in Sweden is (for a tall dutch foreigner atleast) actually really easy.
I've been to Sweden about 4 times and have always fancied Swedish girls when I was on holiday in either france or spain.
@Bloodwhore;
I have no idea how it is for a native Swede, since that is ofcourse very different (as much as I love Swedish girls, Swedish girls tend to love Dutch guys, so it's a clear advantage), but i've asked some girls about WHAT makes them so uninterested in alot of swedish guys. Whether I was in Jönköping, Göthenburg or Stockholm the answer was bassically the same :
"Swedish guys don't take the risks, Swedish guys aren't forward, Swedish guys don't try, I don't like the way most Swedish guys clothe".
Now, ofcourse this seems like a huge generalization/insult, but I'm really not trying to. I've met some Swedish guys who were bassically pro at picking up girls(I was staying at a clansmate house - Sc2 player, so also a "nerd", who had a hot gf, with some super hot friends aswell, you know who you are if you're reading this).
For me as a foreigner there were 3 things in Sweden which stood out and makes me think lowers the ratio of success :
1]Scarfs/Clothing : I'm not someone who cares about clothing at all, I don't bother doing my hair 9/10 times, I don't buy pretty shoes, I don't wear fancy stuff (only for work). You Swedish guys dress much more "metrosexual", with scarfs and skinny jeans etc.. There's nothing wrong with this in itself, but it doesn't really turn girls on either. If a guy stands longer in the mirror than a girl, it's not manly - thus not attractive.
2] Be open / forward : I will quote LemOn here, since he was spot on on this one :
On September 11 2015 00:46 LemOn wrote:
3) pickup with radical polarizing honesty (mostly using situational "openers" but it really means you are just yourself and present to your surroundings)
There's absolutely no need to open a conversation with some sweet catchy line, or some other bullshit you made up beforehand. You will only attract a certain type of girl with such things and that are usually the slutty ones, which is what you don't want (if you do, make up some bullshit lines, try 50 girls and go to bed with atleast 5 of them...).
A "situational" opener is best in almost every way possible, every place possible, every language possible. You just start a random conversation with the girl you have your eyes on and keep the conversation afloat. It doesn't need to be hard, just be yourself!!!
If you are yourself and she doesn't seem interested - you know what you've got
If you are yourself and she is interested (and you still are interested after talking abit with her) - go for it
If you aren't yourself - you will have to show yourself to her sometime, so it may be fun and nice to hook up for a time or 2, but if you keep lying to yourself to hook up with that girl, you will start to resent yourself in the end (or resent her).
Awkward moments don't have to be awkward. They will be there anytime you meet a new person (whether it is a dude or a girl), make light of such a moment and continue.
3] "Swedish guys give up in their head, before they even try." Again, this seems like a huge generalization, but this is literally what 2 different girls said from totally different cities about Swedish guys.
I will elaborate a bit :
Say you have a party like Midsummer (man, what an awesome party that is by the way, Chapeau for that haha). You are at a friends house/beach/bar/on the roof of a car on a parking lot(in göthenburg that seemed to be a thing). Somehow in Sweden most of the times, there are more women than men, so I can understand that can make it difficult to approach certain groups of girls, when you only have eyes for one of those.
You try to make eye contact, it fails, try again - laugh- , it works. Do this again and again for 15 minutes. She keeps laughing back, but you don't know how to approach. Some 5 minutes later you think : "Oke, lets do it!" but then you see her talking with a guy, about who'm you think may be better/smarter/more handsome than you.
You think to yourself, "Fuck me, why am I always such a coward when it comes to women.." then cheer "Skøll" and give up. This scenario happens and has happened for you the past 5 years, so you're kinda used to it.
You move on with your life...
This is what happens with alot of guys in general, but IMHO even more in Sweden. What you then don't realize is the following, from the girls perspective :
"He's cute, he keeps making eyecontact aswell, I'll smile at him back",
*same continues for 15 minutes*
"Why doesn't he do anything, is he really interested? He probably has a girlfriend, or is he just shy?"
"He still didn't come up to me, am I ugly? am I not cute enough? is he gay? maybe he is just really boring, Is he looking at that other girl over there now?"
*another guy shows up and starts talking*
"oh this guy... I heard he's a giant player... :/ "
*guy just keeps talking and making jokes*
"oh maybe he isn't so bad after all, but I still rather talk with that other guy just now"
*looks at you, sees you are still standing where you are / sees you are now talking with your friends / sees you no longer*
"oh, such a shame, oh well it's party time!" - and she is off a] either with that smoothtalking guy you hate so much, or b] back to her friends or c] leaves the party.
In this scenario, you might have met your new girlfriend but stopped yourself from doing anything, thus never knowing if you had a shot. You might still think about this very evening months later, or see that same girl next week in class, never knowing if you have a shot or not.
Since you have had bad experience in the past, you will decide "it wasn't going to succeed anyways, she is too cute, I'm a nerd" and keep the same attitude for years...
If you just step up, go to the girl you see/like and just fucking start talking, she can show to you that she is interested aswell, play the mindgame with you, instead of alone. OR she can show you she is NOT interested and you can start moving on. In my experience, this is what girls hate most; Guys who show interest, but don't do anything about it. (this is applicable to probably everywhere). Girls still want to be WOO'd, no matter how emancipated they are, no matter in which time we live. They want YOU to do effort for them, because they deserve that. In general women are much more caring and loving than us men, so it's only a matter of time, before they will WOO you back.
The reason for my success in Sweden (but not limited to) is : I see a girl, I make a move. Don't be a douche, and involve her friends if she has any with her (girls will always look at their friends for some kind of approval or something). I also don't try to pretend confident when I'm not, or pretend in general, just be yourself and it works miracles.
This will be really hard at first, but you grow into it, and will appreciate yourself more and more, thus building up your own natural confidence, instead of building a unnatural/fake confidence. Make no mistake, any reasonably intelligent girl will see right through faked confidence. Knowing we are on a SC forum, I assume people here are not trying to pick up women with the intellect of a sheep.
Sorry for this huge wall of text, it's friday and I got a little bit carried away.
Sorry if this comes off as a bragging post, I'm not trying to make it like that, just want to help.
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On September 11 2015 17:37 LemOn wrote:
Unless girls in Sweden are super ugly and none of them attract you that is?
The reason why alot of guys are obessed about Sweden is that girls in Sweden are probably one of the most beautiful on this planet.
I had always thought it was a myth, the Swedish girls I did meet, were indeed super cute, but that was no indication at all ofcourse.
Untill I arrived in Stockholm for the first time, I had to wait 60 minutes for my lazy Zerg friend who would pick me up, but I didn't mind at all.... One beauty after another, after another. Man, only thinking back about that day is awesome.
Average of Swedish girls is like an 8 or something hahahaha
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I don't think dressing has much to do about picking up women unless you look like a hobo. If anything dressing well helps. And very few dress "metrosexuel" in sweden in my opinion.
Well some people are really forward, I think most that talk about these kinds of things are usually introverts and that's just who you hear about.
The whole "be yourself" doesn't say shit in my opinion. You probably mean confident, flirty etc etc. I mean some people are autistic and weird as fuck and they probably should NOT be themselves if they want to pick up girls.
Other than that I mostly agree.
Is this zerg friend of yours by any chance called Whitefenix? Sounds like it could be him. He has like weird hair colors and stuff but he is like the lord of pick up.
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On September 11 2015 23:37 bloodwhore~ wrote:
The whole "be yourself" doesn't say shit in my opinion. You probably mean confident, flirty etc etc. I mean some people are autistic and weird as fuck and they probably should NOT be themselves if they want to pick up girls.
Depends on if they're looking for someone who likes them for who they are or someone to stick a dick into.
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On September 11 2015 23:37 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I don't think dressing has much to do about picking up women unless you look like a hobo. If anything dressing well helps. And very few dress "metrosexuel" in sweden in my opinion.
Dress as you want, just don't take more time in your looks than girls do.
Maybe it was just because I've been in the bigger cities mostly and saw too many guys trying "dress to impress".
Well some people are really forward, I think most that talk about these kinds of things are usually introverts and that's just who you hear about.
I agree if you look at it that way, with "forward" I mainly meant that you should try to speak your thoughts, instead of thinking too much about what to say next.
The whole "be yourself" doesn't say shit in my opinion. You probably mean confident, flirty etc etc.
Na, I don't mean being flirty/being confident at all. If you're not a flirty type, then don't try to be one. That's what I mean.
Being yourself means showing the guy who you are. Which means that when you find a girl you really like, that she will see you for who you are, not for a persona you created.
In the end, if you want to get a gf, she will find out who you are one time or another. This way you see/hear is what you get.
I mean some people are autistic and weird as fuck and they probably should NOT be themselves if they want to pick up girls.
If someone is 'autistic and weird as fuck', there are still many ways to find suitable girls. Just don't try to pretend you're some super awesome guy with lots of smack talk, since people can smell such stuff from a mile away.
Is this zerg friend of yours by any chance called Whitefenix? Sounds like it could be him. He has like weird hair colors and stuff but he is like the lord of pick up.
No he's not, the zerg friend and the other guy were also 2 different people  (zerg guy from Stockholm, other guy from Jönköping)
On September 12 2015 02:39 Yoav wrote:Show nested quote +On September 11 2015 23:37 bloodwhore~ wrote:
The whole "be yourself" doesn't say shit in my opinion. You probably mean confident, flirty etc etc. I mean some people are autistic and weird as fuck and they probably should NOT be themselves if they want to pick up girls. Depends on if they're looking for someone who likes them for who they are or someone to stick a dick into.
Exactly.
PS. Tinder is mostly a "stick a dick into" kind of app nowadays (I know some success stories of relationships, but that time is mostly over now that everyone knows the app). So it's good you deleted it IMO
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EPT
