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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
On August 24 2015 10:36 IgnE wrote: www.vanityfair.com The guys in this article say the girls want to see shirtless pics and dicks even though they say they don't. I've never heard the word "fuckboy" used with that kind of definition. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
A good insult requires no elaboration. We feel it before we understand it. That’s why some slurs resonate even when we’re not sure who or what they’re defaming. Consider the strange case of fuckboy, which plays a central role in Nancy Jo Sales’ controversial article, “Tinder and the Dawn of the ‘Dating Apocalypse,’ ” in this month’s Vanity Fair. Here are two true statements about the word: Everyone knows what fuckboy means. And no one knows what fuckboy means. | ||
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
I think at least in my area, the consensus is it's always been a synonym for "tool". Probably closest to #3 on urban dictionary: Fuckboy A manipulating dick who does whatever it takes to benefit him, regardless of who he screws over. They will screw over anyone and everyone as long they get what they want. That fuckboy Seth made me sleep outside in the cold so he could try to get some from Susan, who was blacked out drunk as shit, barfing all night. Edit: God I hate that word "problematic". | ||
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SCguineapig
Netherlands289 Posts
On August 24 2015 06:25 bloodwhore~ wrote: You won't get responses from 100% of people you message just so you know. Don't take it personally, they just get a fuckton of messages and they can be how picky they want. Yeah she once told me she had trouble saying no to people, I guess she is to afraid to respond but to me the answer is a clear no whether she says it or not. I don't really care that much though, life goes on. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Having an open mindset will help you out a lot. Forget about black and white thinking when it comes to dating. Women will come back in the most random times, sometimes you ask a girl out, she says no, then 2 weeks pass and she's suddenly in touch asking you what's up and swiftly accepts another date invitation. Make sure you clearly specifically state what you want, don't burn any bridges unless it's an ex and you want to move on and you'll be surprised how many women come back to your life. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 24 2015 10:36 IgnE wrote: The guys in this article say the girls want to see shirtless pics and dicks even though they say they don't. I've browsed a lot of /r/tinder on reddit, and the guys who do get a ton of matches say they have pictures of their abs or are shirtless. Wouldn't surprise me if this is true. Feels like women do not know what they want at all, they say they want one thing and go for the exact opposite all the time. I'm not using Tinder that much at the moment, I've matched with some girls but most are new freshmen. Might be fine if you just want to fuck but since I'm not really looking for that I see no point of talking to them since they will experience I might remake my account later with some tryhard pictures so I can swipe other girls again. Climbing pictures, picture of me in the middle of a longboard "slide" and other shit like that. I haven't mentioned any of my hobbies in my bio either, and I've noticed that most girls think climbing is pretty cool so that was probably a bad move. | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8842 Posts
On August 24 2015 17:16 LemOn wrote: No it's not a clear no. Having an open mindset will help you out a lot. Forget about black and white thinking when it comes to dating. Women will come back in the most random times, sometimes you ask a girl out, she says no, then 2 weeks pass and she's suddenly in touch asking you what's up and swiftly accepts another date invitation. Make sure you clearly specifically state what you want, don't burn any bridges unless it's an ex and you want to move on and you'll be surprised how many women come back to your life. this might happen but it is never random. if she rejected you then, she probs had a bf or someone she was interested in/flirting with at the time. 2 weeks later that bridge got burnt so shes looking for a new guy to feed her ego and give her attention, which is why she goes to the guy who she knows is a sure thing. it may not be exactly like the above scenario, but the point is girls dont accidentally forget to reply (like reallyyy rarely) and happen to check their messages and see something they didnt reply to 2 weeks later. they check the message and decide in the moment whether they want to say yes, leave it ambiguous so that they can string the guy along and 'test the waters', or just outright say no. this is from my experience and what ive seen/heard at least. so i can say that girls from their teens to early 20s probably do this. hopefully when theyre older they get some maturity and dont play these games i guess if youre ok with meeting girls like this then yeah, be open minded. but i personally hate when girls pull this shit so if someone did this to me id tell her to fk off lol | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 24 2015 19:12 evilfatsh1t wrote: i guess if youre ok with meeting girls like this then yeah, be open minded. but i personally hate when girls pull this shit so if someone did this to me id tell her to fk off lol This. I'm not interested in being someones second choice and if she does shit like that she probably plays games which I don't care for one bit. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
1) Their feelings simply change. Girls decide more on immediate emotional state than men do. And so what if she had a boyfriend, was busy, or had medical issues, why'd you pre-judge that she wants to feed her ego, even if true in some cases? 2) They test, be it as an instinct or on purpose. To weed out needy guys, guys that have nothing going on, stalkers etc. Pretty much all desirable girls do this (wait between replying, or not reply at all out of the blue) at some point to test you, especially at start. I'd do the same if I was a chick who's got guys professing love, bombarding me with messages, being clingy, freaking out when I wouldn't reply and telling me their life story in the first few hours they met me all the time. This is actually what happens to the girl I'm dating all the time. And she keeps telling me about it and how guys are messaging her on facebook(I don't even have her in friends) hitting on her .... And at start with me she'd take 1-2+ days normally to reply to text messages, sometimes not reply at all, take 5 days before writing first, was always late to dates... And now she's the one who always initiates texting, replies often right away, or after a few hours max even when I've just sent her a statement not expecting a reply, and she comes to dates early. Girls like that just have naturally many choices and options, they always have a lot of guys flirting with them/being in love with them you are not second but just one of many in the beginning as it takes longer time for girls to fall in love and for one I like when a girl like this chooses me  EDIT: Of course you never let these girls string you along. You specifically state what you want (most often to take them out on a date I assume) and if you don't get it either by rejection, flakiness or simply no reply just say okay, give me a call if you change your mind and don't send any follow up messages. And you move on minding your own business. And when they do contact you, you just assume they want to do what you wanted so you ask for it again. There's never a reason to be strung along, or telling her she can fuckoff | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8842 Posts
but you have to consider that youre the "success" story in this scenario if you look at the flipside think of all the other guys who are flirting/messaging her without getting anything in return. if shes shooting them down no mercy style then fair play to her, but if shes keeping the conversation going (even if its unwillingly) then its just a dick move because the other guys probably have this hope that she'll choose them eventually (like she apparently chose you) ok ur edit pretty much covered it but whatever | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32130 Posts
On August 24 2015 19:12 evilfatsh1t wrote: this might happen but it is never random. if she rejected you then, she probs had a bf or someone she was interested in/flirting with at the time. 2 weeks later that bridge got burnt so shes looking for a new guy to feed her ego and give her attention, which is why she goes to the guy who she knows is a sure thing. it may not be exactly like the above scenario, but the point is girls dont accidentally forget to reply (like reallyyy rarely) and happen to check their messages and see something they didnt reply to 2 weeks later. they check the message and decide in the moment whether they want to say yes, leave it ambiguous so that they can string the guy along and 'test the waters', or just outright say no. this is from my experience and what ive seen/heard at least. so i can say that girls from their teens to early 20s probably do this. hopefully when theyre older they get some maturity and dont play these games i guess if youre ok with meeting girls like this then yeah, be open minded. but i personally hate when girls pull this shit so if someone did this to me id tell her to fk off lol On August 24 2015 19:33 bloodwhore~ wrote: This. I'm not interested in being someones second choice and if she does shit like that she probably plays games which I don't care for one bit. this is some salty ass shit lordy just because a woman doesn't reply in a day, right away, or at all doesn't mean she's stringing you along or playing your ago. Assuming that automatically is so stupid i mean in this specific instance it's a dude asking out a co worker. a lot of people follow the dont shit where you eat rule and wouldnt' respond to not make an awkward situation any weirder. Or she could have a bf and doesn't want to even give a hint of hope/is annoyed you ask without realizing that. Or she gets bombarded with fb/whatsapp messages from guys all the time and just ignores that shit since it's a really feeble way to ask someone out vs in person/on the phone. i mean if you're that insistent on getting a response, throw on big boy pants and ask in person or over a phone convo. youll aways have a 100% response rate. but to sit there and act like she's a bitch without actually knowing what her reason is says way more about you two than it does about her. rejection is part of life. hearing a no or no reply doesnt automatically make someone a shithead. dont go passing off your shitty views on someone else | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8842 Posts
On August 24 2015 21:02 QuanticHawk wrote: this is some salty ass shit lordy just because a woman doesn't reply in a day, right away, or at all doesn't mean she's stringing you along or playing your ago. Assuming that automatically is so stupid i mean in this specific instance it's a dude asking out a co worker. a lot of people follow the dont shit where you eat rule and wouldnt' respond to not make an awkward situation any weirder. Or she could have a bf and doesn't want to even give a hint of hope/is annoyed you ask without realizing that. Or she gets bombarded with fb/whatsapp messages from guys all the time and just ignores that shit since it's a really feeble way to ask someone out vs in person/on the phone. i mean if you're that insistent on getting a response, throw on big boy pants and ask in person or over a phone convo. youll aways have a 100% response rate. but to sit there and act like she's a bitch without actually knowing what her reason is says way more about you two than it does about her. rejection is part of life. hearing a no or no reply doesnt automatically make someone a shithead. dont go passing off your shitty views on someone else i dont know about you but im of the impression that checking someones message and then blatantly ignoring it is disrespectful. your 2nd paragraph pretty much says what i said already, she could be not replying cause she has a bf or whatever. also what i said obviously doesnt apply to everyone. there are always exceptions but in general if a girl ignores you and then comes back to you way later theres a decent chance what i said probably happened did happen | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 24 2015 21:02 QuanticHawk wrote: this is some salty ass shit lordy just because a woman doesn't reply in a day, right away, or at all doesn't mean she's stringing you along or playing your ago. Assuming that automatically is so stupid i mean in this specific instance it's a dude asking out a co worker. a lot of people follow the dont shit where you eat rule and wouldnt' respond to not make an awkward situation any weirder. Or she could have a bf and doesn't want to even give a hint of hope/is annoyed you ask without realizing that. Or she gets bombarded with fb/whatsapp messages from guys all the time and just ignores that shit since it's a really feeble way to ask someone out vs in person/on the phone. i mean if you're that insistent on getting a response, throw on big boy pants and ask in person or over a phone convo. youll aways have a 100% response rate. but to sit there and act like she's a bitch without actually knowing what her reason is says way more about you two than it does about her. rejection is part of life. hearing a no or no reply doesnt automatically make someone a shithead. dont go passing off your shitty views on someone else Aggressive. There is a huge difference between actively not responding for the sake of testing someone and just not responding for a while. In my opinion testing someone like that points to immature behavior and not someone I would want to spend time with. If someone were to shit-test me well then, that shit just backfired because you failed my shit-test. The latter is fine with me. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32130 Posts
assuming something malicious is going on, or that she's looking for attention and ego stroking if she answered later - that's some salty ass, bordering on woman hating shit that poisons your entire thinking save that shit when you actually know she's stringing you along or some shit. On August 24 2015 21:42 bloodwhore~ wrote: Aggressive. There is a huge difference between actively not responding for the sake of testing someone and just not responding for a while. In my opinion testing someone like that points to immature behavior and not someone I would want to spend time with. If someone were to shit-test me well then, that shit just backfired because you failed my shit-test. The latter is fine with me. of course most sane people would agree with that. the issue here is that the automatic assumption from you two about a woman not replying within 24 hours to an unsolicited message from a coworker is HAH! SHITTEST! GOTCHA BITCH! | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 24 2015 21:48 QuanticHawk wrote: the issue here is that the automatic assumption from you two about a woman not replying within 24 hours to an unsolicited message from a coworker is HAH! SHITTEST! GOTCHA BITCH! My comment about it had nothing to do with his thing, it was generally towards shit-tests and things like that. I don't really give a shit if they don't respond, if they're not interested in me I'm not interested in them. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
On August 24 2015 21:59 bloodwhore~ wrote: My comment about it had nothing to do with his thing, it was generally towards shit-tests and things like that. I don't really give a shit if they don't respond, if they're not interested in me I'm not interested in them. Which I've always thought is a stupid attitude to have. Just because they're not interested in you doesn't make them worse people. Either you got hit by bad circumstances or you're not good enough. In the second case, buckle up and improve. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 25 2015 02:08 WarSame wrote: Which I've always thought is a stupid attitude to have. Just because they're not interested in you doesn't make them worse people. Either you got hit by bad circumstances or you're not good enough. In the second case, buckle up and improve. You literally could not have interpreted that more wrong. I never said they are bad people for not liking me. It doesn't mean she is better or worse or that I am better or worse. I simply said that I'm not going to keep fawning over them if they don't like me. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 25 2015 02:42 WarSame wrote:but don't try to pretend like they weren't attractive anyway. This should make me want her? Cute paradox, but you seem to have misinterpreted either the paradox or me. I don't dislike the girl for not responding, I just don't really care. Do you expect me to be bothered that a random stranger on tinder decides not to respond, that would be truly messed up. A more accurate version of that fox paradox would be if he thought "fuck that grape on the top of the tree" and then goes to eat a perfectly edible grapes on the lower branches which he can reach. That would be me. | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18257 Posts
On August 25 2015 04:45 bloodwhore~ wrote: This should make me want her? Cute paradox, but you seem to have misinterpreted either the paradox or me. I don't dislike the girl for not responding, I just don't really care. Do you expect me to be bothered that a random stranger on tinder decides not to respond, that would be truly messed up. A more accurate version of that fox paradox would be if he thought "fuck that grape on the top of the tree" and then goes to eat a perfectly edible grapes on the lower branches which he can reach. That would be me. So have you eaten any grapes yet? Wink wink, nudge nudge | ||
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