EPTBuuuut, there are still some things that need to be sorted out lol
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 681
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Shiragaku
Hong Kong4308 Posts
Buuuut, there are still some things that need to be sorted out lol | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 13 2015 15:16 Shiragaku wrote: This really tall handsome guy from work today asked me out on a date to the Occidental College library tomorrow after getting drunk and talking about existentialism and literature for hours after work. This is like a dream come true to me. Buuuut, there are still some things that need to be sorted out lol What happened to the other guy? Did he leave you? | ||
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Shiragaku
Hong Kong4308 Posts
On August 13 2015 16:08 bloodwhore~ wrote: What happened to the other guy? Did he leave you? Oh I am still with him and our relationship has been progressing every week. The problem with him is that he is far away and works a 9 to 5 while I work 40-60 a week and weekends are always busy while this guy is a co-worker and lives right next to me. And I hate saying this, but I really like both of them. I guess I will just feel the waters with this guy and see how I feel about him as time goes by. | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8764 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
At least I was regularly dating 3 girls at once at start, and just naturally gravitated towards the one I'm with now and became exclusive, as long as you never lie/deceive it's all good. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
It makes me a lot more confident/laid back/takes out eagerness during the date. The drawback is that sexual stamina lowers as my horniness/eagerness is lower | ||
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farvacola
United States18839 Posts
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
On August 13 2015 20:12 LemOn wrote: Btw how do you guys feel about heavy gym before dates? It makes me a lot more confident/laid back/takes out eagerness during the date. The drawback is that sexual stamina lowers as my horniness/eagerness is lower You look better with the pump too! | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 13 2015 20:28 farvacola wrote: That's literally the exact opposite for me; my girlfriend knows what I'm about after a hard workout, and it ain't antiquing. it ain't antiquing Lel. | ||
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Hot_Ice
139 Posts
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
Date went pretty well, at least for the dating part. I told her she could drop by later/for a few hours, but she wanted to attend the whole day. She even brought some stuff she still had from when she was attending tournaments like cooling etc. which was pretty sweet and thoughtful. Almost felt like being a professional, having someone taking care of you after each match. She was pretty scared in the beginning though, from all this years, this must have been by far my worst performance. First match was against someone who is superior in pretty much every way, but also he purposely drawn out the fight, so I was exhausted and lost pretty ugly in the following matches as well and already looked roughed up before the first break. I also was somewhat distracted because of her initial reaction to those matches. Coming more from the sport-aspect of martial arts, she was a bit intimidated by the fact that I am the lightest and with a few exceptions smallest attending and therefore being always at a disadvantage on paper(it does let me benefit a lot from the point system though - even though my winrate never was above 70%, I am always in the top area of the scoreboard, except this year) Positive thing was that the matches ended quite quickly after the first one, so I had a longer break and could take some rest after which things went better and she started getting less worried. She even started cheering quite frantic at some point. She was still worried though and insisted on staying at my place for the next day and checking on me the following days until I go on vacation - not really necessary, but again very thoughtful of her. Besides my expectation towards my performance it was mission accomplished. Even though she still thinks that I am crazy, she doesn't mind neither it, noir some of the people I introduced her to. I explained her how this is the part of me that's probably most off-putting as well with some personal stuff that comes with it and she still doesn't mind. It was basically what worried me the whole time, no I got clarity which improves a lot of things on my part. Essentially this now is something with real potential to me, which I told her and immediately asked her afterwards if she would mind calling it a relationship - which she obviously doesn't mind at all. She seemed really happy/relieved so her friend was right that it mend a lot to her. I also told her that her friend told me which upset her initially, but I also told her that otherwise this would have probably taken way longer/I wouldn't have thought about it being that important to her. When back at my place we had some good conversations and the day afterwards as well and she seemed way more comfortable/confident in general now. So far she hasn't shown much lack of confidence outside of the usual/in general seems like very straight-forward but still it was an noticeable improvement. She also had to agree that it was wise not to spread it all around earlier, because she got swarmed by curious people that day and she could totally understand me wanting to skip that as much as possible - which I succeeded on by having me occupied with matches most of the day, while she was available to questions. Two birds with one stone  .So dating is officially over, from now on relationship it is. I may continue on posting if I feel like it/there is interest, since it somehow helps me align things, but I am not sure yet. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 15 2015 19:00 waffelz wrote: So dating is officially over, relationship it is. I may continue on posting if I feel like it/there is interest, since it somehow helps me align things, but I am not sure yet. I read the last paragraph first but I read it as "relationship is officially over". Then I started reading your wall of text and was thinking as I was reading "oh fuck it's about to GO DOWN soon" and then I got to the end I noticed I read it wrong. That was anti-climatic for me! Congratulations! | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
. Gonna edit that part. | ||
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obesechicken13
United States10467 Posts
On August 10 2015 21:58 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: That's a very important question, because I've found (anecdotally, of course), that over half of my friends who had been in a relationship that was 3+ years long end up breaking up for one very specific reason: complacency. Things get boring and stale, they (or their partners) stop trying, there's no more magic left, the excitement's gone, etc. It's tough, especially when you feel like you've done everything already. But at the same time, the conversations you have with your significant other should continuously suggest new interests or topics you haven't explored yet. I've been dating my girlfriend (now fiancee) for over 9 years, and our interests and tastes have grown from high school through college through grad school and afterwards. We know everything about each other, which is why trying new things adds a novelty element. Tired of your usual date activities/ want to go out and mix things up a bit? Google your area for activities, try Groupon, try LivingSocial, etc. Want to try a new restaurant or cuisine? Yelp and Google that shit. Find something neither of you have done before, and possibly something you guys might be uncomfortable doing- it gets easier if you're doing it together. Go on a day trip to somewhere- anywhere, really. An amusement park, the beach, a museum, a sports game, New York City/ some other city and just explore some shops (you don't even have to "go shopping" per se) and get some good food, etc. Bowling and miniature golf and movies and relaxing at home are always nice and comfortable options, but why not try wine/ cheese/ chocolate tasting? Why not go skydiving? Why not take a dance class? Why not go to a club or lounge and relax somewhere else? Why not go to a barcraft or arcade? Worst case scenario is that your experience ends up being lame and you can check that off the list and try something else another time. The important part is that you guys tried something new. Together. It makes for a new experience and possibly an interesting story  Every suggestion above is something that my fiancee and I have done (and had a relatively good time doing)- and I've rarely had to drag her to any of these, because she too is open to new things. For example, she went to vet school in Philly, and was happy to come with me to a barcraft there a few years ago, because she knew how much I loved StarCraft. We got there, entered into a barcraft raffle, and she ended up winning us tickets to IPL3 in Atlantic City, which was an awesome experience. Things like that don't happen to people who don't try new things. In the words of Nike/ Shia LaBeouf: Just do it. The same goes with gifts and special events. Flowers and chocolates and nice restaurants are all well and good (and everything certainly depends on your budget), but what about making a romantic dinner for her at home? I guarantee you it's cheaper, and I guarantee you that you don't have less experience cooking than I do. But it's the thought that counts, and the best way to learn is by doing (take that advice from the teacher-side of me lol). You can practice your surprises and preparations, especially if it's food-related. Plus, there's no rule that says you can't do something nice or new or surprising for your partner on a random weekend or night together; don't just be romantic on Valentine's Day, because that seems like a requirement. Be romantic and spontaneous and interesting at any given time You could make her something too, instead of buying it. She's much more creative than I am, but I wrote- and sang- her a song about her (and I cannot sing). Do you know the song "Brandy (You're A Fine Girl)" by Looking Glass? I rewrote the lyrics to be relevant to my fiancee (Andrea) and our relationship, and titled the song "Andi (You're A Fine Girl)". "Brandy" wasn't even a song she particularly loved, but "Andi" was hands down one of her favorite gifts ever. I can't play music, so I found the karaoke (background music) version of "Brandy" on YouTube/ iTunes and just sang over it. You really tend to find creative ways to do things that make your partner happy I also kept track of all her favorite Disney/ Pixar characters, and worked with a friend to create a hand-drawn collage of her favorite characters. Predictably, she gushed over it. I framed it, and now it's hanging on her wall. A particular stuffed animal or other trinket can go a long way too, if it's the kind of character/ animal/ genre she loves. So I think it's just a matter of paying attention to her interests and brainstorming what you could do with those facts- whether it's planning events or future gifts. Being in a relationship takes commitment and hard work- it's simple to say that "it should be easy", but that rarely tells the whole story. It should be easy to love the person you're with. It should be easy to connect and communicate and trust the person you're with. But it's also easy to fall into complacency, and you should be actively looking for ways to make your relationship feel new and exciting. You guys make relationships sound like a lot of effort that you don't want to get into. Like I thought it was supposed to be easy. You do stuff you both enjoy together. I understand that going shopping with her or buying her cool stuff like art or going to fancy restaurants can make her happy, which in turn makes you happy. But that's not stuff I'd do on my own. Like it's not stuff that intrinsically makes me happy. | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On August 13 2015 20:28 farvacola wrote: That's literally the exact opposite for me; my girlfriend knows what I'm about after a hard workout, and it ain't antiquing. Yeah I'm horny the first time, but definitely start lacking stamina after a while. I'll go with gym on normal date, nogym on sleepovers | ||
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
On August 17 2015 21:38 LemOn wrote: Yeah I'm horny the first time, but definitely start lacking stamina after a while. I'll go with gym on normal date, nogym on sleepovers Gym + blowing your load though, that's gonna make you sleep like a baby. | ||
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marvellosity
United Kingdom36161 Posts
On August 16 2015 14:48 obesechicken13 wrote: You guys make relationships sound like a lot of effort that you don't want to get into. Like I thought it was supposed to be easy. You do stuff you both enjoy together. haha I always feel like this when i read this thread. everything always seems so complex when it's really all so simple. | ||
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CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On August 16 2015 14:48 obesechicken13 wrote: You guys make relationships sound like a lot of effort that you don't want to get into. Like I thought it was supposed to be easy. You do stuff you both enjoy together. Yeah...that's not how it works at all. It only seems like that when there are no hard choices to make. | ||
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killa_robot
Canada1884 Posts
On August 17 2015 23:37 CosmicSpiral wrote: Yeah...that's not how it works at all. It only seems like that when there are no hard choices to make. With all this talk about "dating, but not exclusive", I think they're talking more about having fun than having relationships. I hold the opinion that dating someone by default means the two of you are exclusive. If you're not exclusive, you're not actually dating. | ||
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