We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
On October 31 2014 09:37 LemOn wrote: So I wanna ask you guys My gf is one of these girls
Basically, we've been going out for 4 months now. No matter how well things are going well this is the recurring pattern: When we meet I do stuff like kiss her, share food, try to hold her hand at the table when she tells me something bad that happened to her, giver her a kiss in the morning, want to drink shots with her cross armed etc... you get the jist, couply stuff. She most often just turns away, flat out refuses to do stuff like this, and hardly ever initiates stuff herself. She reads romantic novels etc. and her opinion is that the guy should always chase after her and try to win her affection, but often even after a long time she just constantly turns me down. She tells me what I should improve, but I can't expect any compliments from her, thank yous only via messages where she knows I clearly expect it. She told me she wants kids within 5 years and hints at this often too...
Yet I talk about the future she always pulls this "eww" face, tells me we have a non-relationship - relationship even tho we clearly do have one, daily messages, weekends together, 2-3x per week we se each other, are exclusive and have sexy virtually every day we are together.
This leaves me feeling shitty, and when I ask myself if I can imagine being in 5 years down the line with someone like that where I always have to try and she will turn away 7 times when I try to just give her a kiss in the morning the answer is: hell no.
Basically what I want to do is tell her that we either: 1) tell her than we can either keep seeing each other, but onlycasually, - we have so much fun and are crazy about each other. She is just this way because of her upbringing and past relationships I assume, and I suspect she always will be. I'd tell her we'd call and text way less and just do fun stuff her and there when we feel like it.
2) basically ask of her to change and work hard on this in which case I will also work hard to get to know her and get closer to her so we build a strong relationship
3) break up I mean... This girl is way too great to just screw around with, I can't see myself dating anyone else while I'm with her, so breaking up and work on getting over her and finding someone more suitable seems like a solid option.
Am I being unreasonable?
I grew up with father who was beating me and stuff and rarely showed any affection, and I really need reciprocity in a relationship... I love the girl to bits but as she is I can't see this lasting long term...
What'd you guys do... do one of the three, or just say nothing, persuade self that its just fun, and know there is no future without telling her or just come clean and discuss the three options?
Should you continue to date your shitty, stupid girlfriend who treats your relationship like a crappy Lifetime movie. Hmmmmmmmmmm.
Because I'm not meeting enough people in my daily life (or better yet, because I'm not putting myself out there enough) and because I still want to meet somebody, I decided to crack down and put some serious effort into my online dating profile. Boy is writing about yourself hard, especially if you want to find the middle ground between a boring "I'm x and I do a, b and c. I like d, e and f and I dislike g, h and i." and shit like (the in my eyes often overly pretentious) "I like the smell of freshly washed socks and dancing naked in the rain". I've written up something that I think captures me well and isn't fake, but I'm not sure if it isn't dreadfully boring. I don't suppose anybody here would mind looking over my profile for some pointers? Women get bonus kudos.
Or I could just link to my profile here, but I've seen enough e-bullying to be hesitant to do that.
Broke up with my girlfriend on Thursday, after just two months.
I felt pretty alone, so I called one of the Tinder girls I've met before my GF, explained what happened and asked her if she'd like to treat me to drinks and sex. I was very open about just wanting to be distracted, so I didn't think I was doing any harm. Yesterday she asked me to 'be her guy'. I told her that would be a terrible idea and she called me a whore and said I exploited her kindness...
So I'm out there again, I hate it and I'm afraid I'm going to have to go through another 20 Tinder girls before I'll find one I like again. To those guys who have gamer / nerd girlfriends: How did you pull that off? It seems impossible to find a girl who likes that kind of stuff.
On November 01 2014 01:33 Mikau wrote: Because I'm not meeting enough people in my daily life (or better yet, because I'm not putting myself out there enough) and because I still want to meet somebody, I decided to crack down and put some serious effort into my online dating profile. Boy is writing about yourself hard, especially if you want to find the middle ground between a boring "I'm x and I do a, b and c. I like d, e and f and I dislike g, h and i." and shit like (the in my eyes often overly pretentious) "I like the smell of freshly washed socks and dancing naked in the rain". I've written up something that I think captures me well and isn't fake, but I'm not sure if it isn't dreadfully boring. I don't suppose anybody here would mind looking over my profile for some pointers? Women get bonus kudos.
Or I could just link to my profile here, but I've seen enough e-bullying to be hesitant to do that.
What a coincidence a friend of mine is single since a few months and shes would very much like to meet a guy whos a gamer.. So I could probably hook you up~ :D
On November 01 2014 01:33 Mikau wrote: Because I'm not meeting enough people in my daily life (or better yet, because I'm not putting myself out there enough) and because I still want to meet somebody, I decided to crack down and put some serious effort into my online dating profile. Boy is writing about yourself hard, especially if you want to find the middle ground between a boring "I'm x and I do a, b and c. I like d, e and f and I dislike g, h and i." and shit like (the in my eyes often overly pretentious) "I like the smell of freshly washed socks and dancing naked in the rain". I've written up something that I think captures me well and isn't fake, but I'm not sure if it isn't dreadfully boring. I don't suppose anybody here would mind looking over my profile for some pointers? Women get bonus kudos.
Or I could just link to my profile here, but I've seen enough e-bullying to be hesitant to do that.
What a coincidence a friend of mine is single since a few months and shes would very much like to meet a guy whos a gamer.. So I could probably hook you up~ :D
Lol, I can picture that conversation. 'Hey friend want me to set you up with this guy from this gaming forum? I don't know anything about him, I just see him write stories sometimes about why he thinks he's bad socially'. Must be a huge turn on for your friend .
Assuming you were serious though, I'm not actually opposed to the idea. Worst case we both just meet new people right? What do you propose?
On November 01 2014 23:20 SixStrings wrote: Broke up with my girlfriend on Thursday, after just two months.
I felt pretty alone, so I called one of the Tinder girls I've met before my GF, explained what happened and asked her if she'd like to treat me to drinks and sex. I was very open about just wanting to be distracted, so I didn't think I was doing any harm. Yesterday she asked me to 'be her guy'. I told her that would be a terrible idea and she called me a whore and said I exploited her kindness...
So I'm out there again, I hate it and I'm afraid I'm going to have to go through another 20 Tinder girls before I'll find one I like again. To those guys who have gamer / nerd girlfriends: How did you pull that off? It seems impossible to find a girl who likes that kind of stuff.
A lot of girls play video games. It's not a big deal, and shouldn't be the focus of your relationship search.
On November 01 2014 23:20 SixStrings wrote: Broke up with my girlfriend on Thursday, after just two months.
I felt pretty alone, so I called one of the Tinder girls I've met before my GF, explained what happened and asked her if she'd like to treat me to drinks and sex. I was very open about just wanting to be distracted, so I didn't think I was doing any harm. Yesterday she asked me to 'be her guy'. I told her that would be a terrible idea and she called me a whore and said I exploited her kindness...
So I'm out there again, I hate it and I'm afraid I'm going to have to go through another 20 Tinder girls before I'll find one I like again. To those guys who have gamer / nerd girlfriends: How did you pull that off? It seems impossible to find a girl who likes that kind of stuff.
A lot of girls play video games. It's not a big deal, and shouldn't be the focus of your relationship search.
In my city, they don't. I'm surrounded by super ambitious students who are really diligent about work and study, and I swear to you in my eighteen months of living here, I haven't met a single girl who is even a bit nerdy. Not even in my chemistry classes...
Don't get me wrong, it can be nice to be around people like that, because they challenge you and force you to focus on academia, but it can be oh so exhausting.
And it's not that I focus on looking for a gamer, I'm looking for someone who is a bit more relaxed and open minded towards 'nerdy' stuff. I don't want a girl who rolls her eyes when I tell that I practiced a song on the guitar for hours, I don't want a girl who would be disgusted if she knew about my 101% Donkey Kong Country 3 save file...
On November 01 2014 23:20 SixStrings wrote: Broke up with my girlfriend on Thursday, after just two months.
I felt pretty alone, so I called one of the Tinder girls I've met before my GF, explained what happened and asked her if she'd like to treat me to drinks and sex. I was very open about just wanting to be distracted, so I didn't think I was doing any harm. Yesterday she asked me to 'be her guy'. I told her that would be a terrible idea and she called me a whore and said I exploited her kindness...
So I'm out there again, I hate it and I'm afraid I'm going to have to go through another 20 Tinder girls before I'll find one I like again. To those guys who have gamer / nerd girlfriends: How did you pull that off? It seems impossible to find a girl who likes that kind of stuff.
A lot of girls play video games. It's not a big deal, and shouldn't be the focus of your relationship search.
In my city, they don't. I'm surrounded by super ambitious students who are really diligent about work and study, and I swear to you in my eighteen months of living here, I haven't met a single girl who is even a bit nerdy. Not even in my chemistry classes...
You wont find nerds in chemnistry, go to the phsyics and math peartments. Were I am studying (Mainz) there are nerdy (and pretty) girls in both (not in huge numbers though). They game, they do p&p, you name it. Although almost none of them define themselves by it.
I allways found it pretty easy to meet nerdy girls. They may have nerdy hobbys, but like all (most?) women they want a confident guy who isnt socially awkward. (And a lot of guys they study with are exactly that tbh)
So if you are a proud nerd you chances are really good
On November 02 2014 02:40 SixStrings wrote: Well, I'm not going to change my field of study and go to a significantly worse uni just to have a chance to play a round of D&D. Thanks, though.
Significantly worse uni eh^^ What are you overcompensating for? :D
Also: You can actually do stuff with people who study a different field (mind blown, I know)
On November 02 2014 02:40 SixStrings wrote: Well, I'm not going to change my field of study and go to a significantly worse uni just to have a chance to play a round of D&D. Thanks, though.
Significantly worse uni eh^^ What are you overcompensating for? :D
Also: You can actually do stuff with people who study a different field (mind blown, I know)
I'm kidding, mate! I know that, I always try to go to the parties of Maths / Physics department, but since parties aren't usually a setting I'm comfortable at, that's a fool's errant.
On November 02 2014 02:21 SixStrings wrote: In my city, they don't. I'm surrounded by super ambitious students who are really diligent about work and study, and I swear to you in my eighteen months of living here, I haven't met a single girl who is even a bit nerdy. Not even in my chemistry classes...
No offense but when I hear "I swear to you", I hear "confirmation bias". Do you know how many people tell me there are no dateable girls in New York City?
On November 02 2014 02:21 SixStrings wrote: Don't get me wrong, it can be nice to be around people like that, because they challenge you and force you to focus on academia, but it can be oh so exhausting.
When all you're focused on are your own needs, it blinds you to your surroundings. These students are just like you. No matter how dedicated they seem to educational pursuits in public, they also want friends who allow them to relax. How can they relax around someone who's not comfortable with himself?
On November 02 2014 02:21 SixStrings wrote: And it's not that I focus on looking for a gamer, I'm looking for someone who is a bit more relaxed and open minded towards 'nerdy' stuff. I don't want a girl who rolls her eyes when I tell that I practiced a song on the guitar for hours, I don't want a girl who would be disgusted if she knew about my 101% Donkey Kong Country 3 save file...
People are relaxed and open minded towards 'nerdy' stuff if you're relaxed and open minded about it. If you expect people will react negatively when you share your hobbies, they generally will; the converse also applies.
A costume and drinks totally brings me out of my shell. Got a number from a cute chick dressed as a fox from that certain song/music video. Thought she was there with her boyfriend and all of a sudden she brings it up saying that's just her good friend and she thinks of him as her brother and he's not her type, ok... lol. Gonna wait a day or two before contacting her when I actually have some time off and see if we can meet up.
I'm in college (university) and I've found it's not too hard to spend the night with a girl, but I have no idea how to actually get a girlfriend. All the girls I've been with either I've had no interest in as far as relationships go or I liked but didn't like me. Seems like all the girls here either never go out, don't drink, are super religious, etc. or are just interested in casual things.
Is it unrealistic to expect college freshmen girls to be both keen on going out, consuming substances, etc. but to also want a relationship? I know one girl that might be like that but she has what I think are cutting scars on her leg. Some of my fraternity brothers have girlfriends but none of them are freshmen.
On November 02 2014 13:58 Chocolate wrote: How2getgf
I'm in college (university) and I've found it's not too hard to spend the night with a girl, but I have no idea how to actually get a girlfriend. All the girls I've been with either I've had no interest in as far as relationships go or I liked but didn't like me. Seems like all the girls here either never go out, don't drink, are super religious, etc. or are just interested in casual things.
Is it unrealistic to expect college freshmen girls to be both keen on going out, consuming substances, etc. but to also want a relationship? I know one girl that might be like that but she has what I think are cutting scars on her leg. Some of my fraternity brothers have girlfriends but none of them are freshmen.
Yes and no.
Girls want to be engaged (in the non-marriage sense) with someone; they want a guy who can maintain his value despite circumstance, call them out on their brattiness, and hold them to a higher standard. They don't want someone who is "looking for a girlfriend". Let the girl chase after you for exclusivity.
I'm not actually explicitly looking for a girlfriend (I would like one but I'm still out doing my own thing), I just have yet to encounter any avenue that could lead to one.
Well I suppose it's a good idea in theory to get a girl that wants to chase after you but in practice I feel like most girls that do that aren't exactly the type you would want to chase after you. It's also difficult to distinguish between who is interested in what since it's not as if I can just ask a girl that seems to be interested in me what she wants out of me.
On November 02 2014 14:28 Chocolate wrote: I'm not actually explicitly looking for a girlfriend (I would like one but I'm still out doing my own thing), I just have yet to encounter any avenue that could lead to one.
I don't know what you mean by an "avenue". There are no special ways of getting a girlfriend.
On November 02 2014 14:28 Chocolate wrote: Well I suppose it's a good idea in theory to get a girl that wants to chase after you but in practice I feel like most girls that do that aren't exactly the type you would want to chase after you.
It's not a good idea in theory. It is the inevitably byproduct of being the type of person whom girls wants to date of their own volition. To be attractive enough that girls want to date you, you have to be an attractive person. There are no shortcuts that give you anything of lasting value. Of course in this dynamic, the girl's quality will be proportional to your own. It's up to you to filter out non-desirable girls.
On November 02 2014 14:28 Chocolate wrote: It's also difficult to distinguish between who is interested in what since it's not as if I can just ask a girl that seems to be interested in me what she wants out of me.
A girl who is "interested in you" should not be your criteria for being a girlfriend. Be the selector and have standards for the people you want in your life. Anyone can make anyone feel good; only a select few girls can meet your personal values. That's when choosing a girlfriend becomes a meaningful statement.
I feel like you misunderstand me. I'm mostly just tired of hooking up / having booty calls and want to meet a nice girl that is interested in a relationship but isn't a prude. You seem to think my problem is that I am not attractive enough when I think the problem I am really running in to is that women that I think would make good partners for me aren't interested in commitment and I don't know if I'm approaching this with the wrong mindset/attitude (i.e. I'm silly for wanting a relationship) or what. It's not as if I'm asking girls on dates or continually being rejected for trying to make things serious though.
Also this is kind of unrelated but is there a way to like psyche yourself into becoming more confident around attractive women? I've realized that I always do a much better job at getting girls I don't really like to like me because I just generally don't give a shit around them whereas girls I actually like make me nervous.
EPT
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