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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
On November 05 2014 07:44 lantz wrote: guys. it's really stupid to add your bank account to a girl's credit card account. No way you did that... That's moronic! What's the point of having a credit card, other than to get into debt? | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4781 Posts
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Yoz
Australia357 Posts
On November 05 2014 08:32 SixStrings wrote: What's the point of having a credit card, other than to get into debt? I don't really understand what the OP means by 'add bank account to credit card account' but I feel credit cards have several uses. Off the top of my head... 1. Reward Points It varies from country to country but simply using the reward points for gift cards (such as fuel vouchers) would result in a return of about 0.6% (0.6c per dollar) in Australia. If you value business or first class travel you can potentially value points much higher around the 3-5c mark which would be 3-5% return. 2. Safety Net If you apply for a credit card while you have a stable income then lose your job you have a safety net. Usually most people would have family/friends that can assist but a fee free credit card with a reasonable limit could be great for basic necessities in a time of need. 3. Flexibility You also have more flexibility to take advantage of certain things with credit. If you saw something underpriced (but you don't have enough liquid cash) you could essentially still purchase it. Similarly, knowing that you have this flexibility means you can do other things with the money you do have - such as investing it. 4. Booking Convenience Credit cards can also be more convenient for certain bookings. A lot of hotels will accept a credit card imprint in lieu of a security deposit. | ||
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Yoz
Australia357 Posts
On November 05 2014 00:30 arb wrote: I feel like we had fun, told a bunch of stories and what not i guess. It was like I got reverse catfished though. Thats why i was a bit upset afterwords then i realized, i didnt make off too bad after all! All of this reminds me of how I met my current girlfriend. Saw her online dating profile and thought she was interesting albeit unsure about the whole physical attraction thing. So decided I would meet up with her and see how things went. She was far more attractive in-person than she was in her photos (yay) but seemed crazy because she decided to talk about the things most people avoid talking about on first dates. Walked to the cashier together to pay the bill only to have her ninja swipe her card and tell me that she's got this time and I can grab the next time. I remember replying [half joking, half serious] with, "What makes you so sure there'll be a next time?" because I had no real intention of asking her out again. However, now my sense of pride decides that I want to return the meal so we met up for brunch and actually had a really nice date and I decided I'd go on a third date to see whether there was any potential. She really opened up on the third date and I found out that she actually had a lot of depth which I hadn't seen previously. It's been four months and we're still together. Although it still amuses me that this relationship only happened because her paying on a first date semi-forced a second date. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
On November 05 2014 09:02 Yoz wrote: I don't really understand what the OP means by 'add bank account to credit card account' but I feel credit cards have several uses. Off the top of my head... 1. Reward Points It varies from country to country but simply using the reward points for gift cards (such as fuel vouchers) would result in a return of about 0.6% (6c per dollar) in Australia. If you value business or first class travel you can potentially value points much higher around the 3-5c mark which would be 3-5% return. 2. Safety Net If you apply for a credit card while you have a stable income then lose your job you have a safety net. Usually most people would have family/friends that can assist but a fee free credit card with a reasonable limit could be great for basic necessities in a time of need. 3. Flexibility You also have more flexibility to take advantage of certain things with credit. If you saw something underpriced (but you don't have enough liquid cash) you could essentially still purchase it. Similarly, knowing that you have this flexibility means you can do other things with the money you do have - such as investing it. 4. Booking Convenience Credit cards can also be more convenient for certain bookings. A lot of hotels will accept a credit card imprint in lieu of a security deposit. Wouldn't a return of 0.6% be 0.6 cents per dollar? 6 percent is 6 cents per dollar. 0.6 percent is 0.6 cents per dollar. Or maybe I misunderstand what you mean. | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On November 04 2014 09:56 SixStrings wrote: You either really know your shit, or you're rather convincing at writing. That's exactly my problem! If I'm really excited about a girl, I know I have no chance in hell, but if I just want to have a nice time for a night or three and then move on, they usually seem super into me and try to pressure me into being their boyfriend. But how will I ever get a fulfilling relationship again if I can't show a girl that I'm into her beyond liking her body? The last really great relationship I had was my very first one, and that included meeting at 15, moving in together at 17, getting engaged at 18 and breaking up at 20. I have a bit of experience in this field, and I learned from people who know their stuff. You can be both. Excitement and attachment are not mutually exclusive. But most guys don't develop the emotional strength to hold both positions at the same time. It takes years to become outcome-dependent and congruent with yourself. Fulfilling relationships are the product of interdependence. Once you're emotionally + intellectually + teleologically independent, you won't depend on the other person to validate your sense of self. Then the relationship can be what Stephen Covey calls "win-win" instead of a leech-fest. In short, don't worry about it. You don't know who you will meet and how you will get along with them. Focus on the journey of nurturing yourself into a stable independent person. Obviously there's a million other things that go into becoming a truly independent person. On November 05 2014 04:56 instantdry wrote: What happened on the date? Who did most of the talking? The girl should do 70-80% of the talking. The guy should focus on getting to know her, asking questions and bantering. Being a good listener is important. You talk as much as you want to talk. There is no magic ratio. That's a great way of getting a kiss on the cheek. | ||
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Yoz
Australia357 Posts
On November 05 2014 11:00 WarSame wrote: Wouldn't a return of 0.6% be 0.6 cents per dollar? 6 percent is 6 cents per dollar. 0.6 percent is 0.6 cents per dollar. Or maybe I misunderstand what you mean. Yeah. Sorry it's meant to be 0.6c per dollar which is why I said 3-5c is higher than it. My math is bad but not bad enough to think that 5 is greater than 6  In any case my point was that 0.6% is better than 0% return on spending assuming you can manage a credit card and not end up in debt. It also depends on things like which card you have as different cards have different point values and stuff - but around 0.6% is average. | ||
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DriduVitae
2 Posts
I am a 19 year old male, and I have struggled with depression for at least five or six years now. Like, crippling what-is-the-point-of-living depression. Spoiler for those who want a summary of my relationship with my girlfriend. Or I guess ex-girlfriend now. + Show Spoiler + About four years ago I met a girl. At first she just annoyed me because she interfered with me playing Starcraft, but I started really enjoying talking with her. We ended up dating after probably 3-4 months of being friends. I have had plenty of crushes, but she was something more than just a crush. When we first started dating, I wasn't a fool thinking "we will be together forever." I know it's unlikely for highschool couples to make it very far. I was very practical and figured we wouldn't last all that long. But it turned into something more, after being together. I started to really love this girl. She made me genuinely happy. Happiness has always been a very hard thing for me to obtain, but whenever I was with this girl, I couldn't help but smile. She understood me, cared for me, and was always there for me. I don't really know how to describe how much she meant to me. It might not have been smart, but I kind of banked all my happiness on her. I would do whatever it took to make her happy, no matter what, and I was more than happy to do so. I recognize that it probably isn't smart to put your happiness on someone else, but for me, who has had a hard time being happy, it was the best decision of my life. I was starting to be happy more than depressed for a change. We loved each other to death, and I know we did. What we did for each other, how we expressed ourselves for each other, there was no way we weren't happy together. And I want to make a note here, since I am young and people will bring up stuff like, "Physical attraction/satisfaction doesn't equate love." I know that, and have never put high priority on physical attraction. For the first year of us dating, we never even kissed. I know, weird as fuck, you don't need to tell me. We never kissed because her ex had been abusive and tried to rape her (Thankfully failed), and she had problems with trust and wanting to get physical with someone because her ex had only cared about getting physical. That, and after a while of not kissing, kissing eventually became an even bigger/more important thing to her. While we never kissed, we did cuddle etc though. It wasn't until our 1 year anniversary that we kissed. Fast forward to us graduating highschool. She wants to go away to college, and I don't want to go away at all. I wanted to pursue my writing career, and since I already had a year's worth of college credit from AP classes, I did so. She went away, 16 hours away by car. Things were still fine though, even though she was gone. We talked all the time, we still loved each other, and we were still really close despite the distance. She came home for winter break, and I went there for her Spring break. Even at this point, our relationship wasn't sexual yet. That spring break was the first time we ever got naked with each other. Not going to get into how far we went, but still not sex. Everything was still amazing and fine until this last summer. One of her best friends was killed by his brother. It really devastated her. I did my best to console her, as I have always done. One thing I couldn't do for her though. She wanted to get a memorial tattoo for him. I have never liked tattoos, and I told her how I felt in great detail. After a couple weeks she told me she didn't want it anymore, and was glad she hadn't gotten it. I thought that was that. Move forward to about a month and a half ago, and she tells me she never stopped wanting it. That really upset me; Not that she still wanted it, but that she lied and said she no longer wanted it. Also, this school year we haven't been able to talk as much. She has been stressing about school a lot more because she wanted to do better than the year before. We talked less. I started to feel like I knew less and less about her. We started talking about the tattoo, and I was still against it because I didn't want her marring her skin (from my viewpoint). Unfortunately we weren't able to talk enough, and we couldn't sort it out. I was willing to agree to it, but I was never able to express that (We talked about it like once for an hour or so, then we couldn't talk much for like 2 weeks). In the time between, her feelings became very strong about getting it and that made her start thinking that we might not be right together. We talked some, and she wanted things in the relationship to change (I don't want to go too in depth with each thing but the gist is): -She wanted me to socialize more with her friends, and go out with her and her friends more. I was totally okay with this change. -She wanted to get the tattoo. -She wanted me to care more about her religion. It's not that I ever didn't care, but because I am atheist and don't support religion, she felt like I didn't care. I respect her religion, and all others, and I support her in believing it, but she made it sound like it wasn't enough. It sounds like her religion vs my atheism has always been a little bit of a problem for her, but she hadn't expressed it before. I was/am willing to change all of the things she wanted, but I guess after a month or more of us not agreeing (Because we couldn't talk. I did agree with her at this point) she refused to believe that I was really genuinely wanting to change. At this point I know she wants to break up with me. She is saying she doesn't know who she is or what she wants. She is saying she doesn't know if she still loves me. I ask who I am to her now and she said "Just someone I'm talking to." which has hit me really hard, because up until that conversation she was still everything to me. She still is, and I'm having a very hard time coping with the fact that she is gone. TL;DR version: Dated a girl for four years. Felt like a perfect relationship. Rather abrupt/unforeseen break-up, and I still love her. There is a chance she might decide she still wants to be with me, after she figures her life out, but I know the chance is slim. I don't know what to do with my life anymore, for she was essentially my reason for living, and my only source of real happiness. I look around my room, and it is filled with things from her. When she broke up with me, I was wearing a shirt she gave me, a sweatshirt, and two rings that I wear on a necklace (The rings are probably my most prized possession). I don't really have any friends any more. The few I did have, I kind of grew apart from, and my newest ones I'm not very close with. If she really is out of my life forever, I don't know how I am supposed to accept it. How I am supposed to move on. What hurts the most is I thought we were still great, up until about a month ago, and even then I thought everything would get better. I thought we still had a perfect relationship. Now I am barely more than a stranger to her. I don't know what I expect from posting here, but I needed to tell someone how I feel. The person who I have always talked to and gone to when I am not feeling well was her, and I don't know if we will ever talk again. Edit: I tried not to write my whole story with her, but I am in a pretty bad state of mind right now. I was just broken up with about four hours ago, and don't know what to do with myself. If what I posted doesn't make sense because of a lot of skipping around I did, I can explain further. | ||
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Ahzz
Finland780 Posts
On November 07 2014 13:09 DriduVitae wrote: Hey guys. I've been a long time lurker, and lost the password to my old account, so please don't take this post less seriously just because it is my only post. I am a 19 year old male, and I have struggled with depression for at least five or six years now. Like, crippling what-is-the-point-of-living depression. Spoiler for those who want a summary of my relationship with my girlfriend. Or I guess ex-girlfriend now. + Show Spoiler + About four years ago I met a girl. At first she just annoyed me because she interfered with me playing Starcraft, but I started really enjoying talking with her. We ended up dating after probably 3-4 months of being friends. I have had plenty of crushes, but she was something more than just a crush. When we first started dating, I wasn't a fool thinking "we will be together forever." I know it's unlikely for highschool couples to make it very far. I was very practical and figured we wouldn't last all that long. But it turned into something more, after being together. I started to really love this girl. She made me genuinely happy. Happiness has always been a very hard thing for me to obtain, but whenever I was with this girl, I couldn't help but smile. She understood me, cared for me, and was always there for me. I don't really know how to describe how much she meant to me. It might not have been smart, but I kind of banked all my happiness on her. I would do whatever it took to make her happy, no matter what, and I was more than happy to do so. I recognize that it probably isn't smart to put your happiness on someone else, but for me, who has had a hard time being happy, it was the best decision of my life. I was starting to be happy more than depressed for a change. We loved each other to death, and I know we did. What we did for each other, how we expressed ourselves for each other, there was no way we weren't happy together. And I want to make a note here, since I am young and people will bring up stuff like, "Physical attraction/satisfaction doesn't equate love." I know that, and have never put high priority on physical attraction. For the first year of us dating, we never even kissed. I know, weird as fuck, you don't need to tell me. We never kissed because her ex had been abusive and tried to rape her (Thankfully failed), and she had problems with trust and wanting to get physical with someone because her ex had only cared about getting physical. That, and after a while of not kissing, kissing eventually became an even bigger/more important thing to her. While we never kissed, we did cuddle etc though. It wasn't until our 1 year anniversary that we kissed. Fast forward to us graduating highschool. She wants to go away to college, and I don't want to go away at all. I wanted to pursue my writing career, and since I already had a year's worth of college credit from AP classes, I did so. She went away, 16 hours away by car. Things were still fine though, even though she was gone. We talked all the time, we still loved each other, and we were still really close despite the distance. She came home for winter break, and I went there for her Spring break. Even at this point, our relationship wasn't sexual yet. That spring break was the first time we ever got naked with each other. Not going to get into exactly how far we went, but still not sex (We didn't want to take any risks, etc. Plus there was the issue of it might hurt her.) Everything was still amazing and fine until this last summer. One of her best friends was killed by his brother. It really devastated her. I did my best to console her, as I have always done. One thing I couldn't do for her though. She wanted to get a memorial tattoo for him. I have never liked tattoos, and I told her how I felt in great detail. After a couple weeks she told me she didn't want it anymore, and was glad she hadn't gotten it. I thought that was that. Move forward to about a month and a half ago, and she tells me she never stopped wanting it. That really upset me; Not that she still wanted it, but that she lied and said she no longer wanted it. Also, this school year we haven't been able to talk as much. She has been stressing about school a lot more because she wanted to do better than the year before. We talked less. I started to feel like I knew less and less about her. We started talking about the tattoo, and I was still against it because I didn't want her marring her skin (from my viewpoint). Unfortunately we weren't able to talk enough, and we couldn't sort it out. I was willing to agree to it, but I was never able to express that (We talked about it like once for an hour or so, then we couldn't talk much for like 2 weeks). In the time between, her feelings became very strong about getting it and that made her start thinking that we might not be right together. We talked some, and she wanted things in the relationship to change (I don't want to go too in depth with each thing but the gist is): -She wanted me to socialize more with her friends, and go out with her and her friends more. I was totally okay with this change. -She wanted to get the tattoo. -She wanted me to care more about her religion. It's not that I ever didn't care, but because I am atheist and don't support religion, she felt like I didn't care. I respect her religion, and all others, and I support her in believing it, but she made it sound like it wasn't enough. It sounds like her religion vs my atheism has always been a little bit of a problem for her, but she hadn't expressed it before. I was/am willing to change all of the things she wanted, but I guess after a month or more of us not agreeing (Because we couldn't talk. I did agree with her at this point) she refused to believe that I was really genuinely wanting to change. At this point I know she wants to break up with me. She is saying she doesn't know who she is or what she wants. She is saying she doesn't know if she still loves me. I ask who I am to her now and she said "Just someone I'm talking to." which has hit me really hard, because up until that conversation she was still everything to me. She still is, and I'm having a very hard time coping with the fact that she is gone. TL;DR version: Dated a girl for four years. Felt like a perfect relationship. Rather abrupt/unforeseen break-up, and I still love her. There is a chance she might decide she still wants to be with me, after she figures her life out, but I know the chance is slim. I don't know what to do with my life anymore, for she was essentially my reason for living, and my only source of real happiness. I look around my room, and it is filled with things from her. When she broke up with me, I was wearing a shirt she gave me, a sweatshirt, and two rings that I wear on a necklace (The rings are probably my most prized possession). I don't really have any friends any more. The few I did have, I kind of grew apart from, and my newest ones I'm not very close with. If she really is out of my life forever, I don't know how I am supposed to accept it. How I am supposed to move on. What hurts the most is I thought we were still great, up until about a month ago, and even then I thought everything would get better. I thought we still had a perfect relationship. Now I am barely more than a stranger to her. I don't know what I expect from posting here, but I needed to tell someone how I feel. The person who I have always talked to and gone to when I am not feeling well was her, and I don't know if we will ever talk again. Edit: I tried not to write my whole story with her, but I am in a pretty bad state of mind right now. I was just broken up with about four hours ago, and don't know what to do with myself. If what I posted doesn't make sense because of a lot of skipping around I did, I can explain further. I'm sorry mate, that sucks. Of course if we stick with a person for many years and then it's cut off we have trouble living our life without that person. This person has been part of your life for so many years now, you've defined yourself through this person and with this person. Therefore breaking up must feel like utter crap. Still, I feel that I must point out these glaring comments from your post: I don't know what to do with my life anymore, for she was essentially my reason for living, and my only source of real happiness. If she really is out of my life forever, I don't know how I am supposed to accept it. How I am supposed to move on. I don't really have any friends any more. The few I did have, I kind of grew apart from, and my newest ones I'm not very close with. I'm just a stranger from the internet, I don't REALLY know you, but these three comments are things that should never happen to you REGARDLESS if you are or are not in a relationship IMO. Yes, you did everything for her, but perhaps there lies the problem. You didn't take care of yourself. You don't know how to be happy without her, it seems like you didn't work much on your social life outside of her. These as themselves are very big problems. I believe that a truly strong and grounded person doesn't NEED anybody in specific to live on, and they know how to have a good time and be happy. They make their own happiness and are willing to share this happiness and experiences with others. They know their own values and standards and hold them. At that point they don't have to leech on anyone just to stay happy and people want to be with them. Based on your post, these seem like qualities that you lack (as we all). You may see it as something that makes even living hard atm, but I see it as a wake up call. You needed this experience to wake up, get your act together and start living a life where you can stay happy and learn to make others happy. I don't have a shred of doubt that this is hard on you, perhaps the worst experience of your life. But remember this, you are still VERY young (only 19!!), you have never known women other than this person (how can you even know this was the best you can get?), and you have an amazing journey ahead of you as you develop as a person. Take your time to think through what went wrong in this relationship, and take all this time you spent with this girl and focus on building your social life, getting your life going etc. Go work out, focus on your studies, become more sociable. Get going, an amazing life is waiting for you, and literally TONS of people you can get to know, learn to love other people. Best of luck dude!  | ||
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Acrofales
Spain17838 Posts
On November 07 2014 13:09 DriduVitae wrote: Hey guys. I've been a long time lurker, and lost the password to my old account, so please don't take this post less seriously just because it is my only post. I am a 19 year old male, and I have struggled with depression for at least five or six years now. Like, crippling what-is-the-point-of-living depression. Spoiler for those who want a summary of my relationship with my girlfriend. Or I guess ex-girlfriend now. + Show Spoiler + About four years ago I met a girl. At first she just annoyed me because she interfered with me playing Starcraft, but I started really enjoying talking with her. We ended up dating after probably 3-4 months of being friends. I have had plenty of crushes, but she was something more than just a crush. When we first started dating, I wasn't a fool thinking "we will be together forever." I know it's unlikely for highschool couples to make it very far. I was very practical and figured we wouldn't last all that long. But it turned into something more, after being together. I started to really love this girl. She made me genuinely happy. Happiness has always been a very hard thing for me to obtain, but whenever I was with this girl, I couldn't help but smile. She understood me, cared for me, and was always there for me. I don't really know how to describe how much she meant to me. It might not have been smart, but I kind of banked all my happiness on her. I would do whatever it took to make her happy, no matter what, and I was more than happy to do so. I recognize that it probably isn't smart to put your happiness on someone else, but for me, who has had a hard time being happy, it was the best decision of my life. I was starting to be happy more than depressed for a change. We loved each other to death, and I know we did. What we did for each other, how we expressed ourselves for each other, there was no way we weren't happy together. And I want to make a note here, since I am young and people will bring up stuff like, "Physical attraction/satisfaction doesn't equate love." I know that, and have never put high priority on physical attraction. For the first year of us dating, we never even kissed. I know, weird as fuck, you don't need to tell me. We never kissed because her ex had been abusive and tried to rape her (Thankfully failed), and she had problems with trust and wanting to get physical with someone because her ex had only cared about getting physical. That, and after a while of not kissing, kissing eventually became an even bigger/more important thing to her. While we never kissed, we did cuddle etc though. It wasn't until our 1 year anniversary that we kissed. Fast forward to us graduating highschool. She wants to go away to college, and I don't want to go away at all. I wanted to pursue my writing career, and since I already had a year's worth of college credit from AP classes, I did so. She went away, 16 hours away by car. Things were still fine though, even though she was gone. We talked all the time, we still loved each other, and we were still really close despite the distance. She came home for winter break, and I went there for her Spring break. Even at this point, our relationship wasn't sexual yet. That spring break was the first time we ever got naked with each other. Not going to get into exactly how far we went, but still not sex (We didn't want to take any risks, etc. Plus there was the issue of it might hurt her.) Everything was still amazing and fine until this last summer. One of her best friends was killed by his brother. It really devastated her. I did my best to console her, as I have always done. One thing I couldn't do for her though. She wanted to get a memorial tattoo for him. I have never liked tattoos, and I told her how I felt in great detail. After a couple weeks she told me she didn't want it anymore, and was glad she hadn't gotten it. I thought that was that. Move forward to about a month and a half ago, and she tells me she never stopped wanting it. That really upset me; Not that she still wanted it, but that she lied and said she no longer wanted it. Also, this school year we haven't been able to talk as much. She has been stressing about school a lot more because she wanted to do better than the year before. We talked less. I started to feel like I knew less and less about her. We started talking about the tattoo, and I was still against it because I didn't want her marring her skin (from my viewpoint). Unfortunately we weren't able to talk enough, and we couldn't sort it out. I was willing to agree to it, but I was never able to express that (We talked about it like once for an hour or so, then we couldn't talk much for like 2 weeks). In the time between, her feelings became very strong about getting it and that made her start thinking that we might not be right together. We talked some, and she wanted things in the relationship to change (I don't want to go too in depth with each thing but the gist is): -She wanted me to socialize more with her friends, and go out with her and her friends more. I was totally okay with this change. -She wanted to get the tattoo. -She wanted me to care more about her religion. It's not that I ever didn't care, but because I am atheist and don't support religion, she felt like I didn't care. I respect her religion, and all others, and I support her in believing it, but she made it sound like it wasn't enough. It sounds like her religion vs my atheism has always been a little bit of a problem for her, but she hadn't expressed it before. I was/am willing to change all of the things she wanted, but I guess after a month or more of us not agreeing (Because we couldn't talk. I did agree with her at this point) she refused to believe that I was really genuinely wanting to change. At this point I know she wants to break up with me. She is saying she doesn't know who she is or what she wants. She is saying she doesn't know if she still loves me. I ask who I am to her now and she said "Just someone I'm talking to." which has hit me really hard, because up until that conversation she was still everything to me. She still is, and I'm having a very hard time coping with the fact that she is gone. TL;DR version: Dated a girl for four years. Felt like a perfect relationship. Rather abrupt/unforeseen break-up, and I still love her. There is a chance she might decide she still wants to be with me, after she figures her life out, but I know the chance is slim. I don't know what to do with my life anymore, for she was essentially my reason for living, and my only source of real happiness. I look around my room, and it is filled with things from her. When she broke up with me, I was wearing a shirt she gave me, a sweatshirt, and two rings that I wear on a necklace (The rings are probably my most prized possession). I don't really have any friends any more. The few I did have, I kind of grew apart from, and my newest ones I'm not very close with. If she really is out of my life forever, I don't know how I am supposed to accept it. How I am supposed to move on. What hurts the most is I thought we were still great, up until about a month ago, and even then I thought everything would get better. I thought we still had a perfect relationship. Now I am barely more than a stranger to her. I don't know what I expect from posting here, but I needed to tell someone how I feel. The person who I have always talked to and gone to when I am not feeling well was her, and I don't know if we will ever talk again. Edit: I tried not to write my whole story with her, but I am in a pretty bad state of mind right now. I was just broken up with about four hours ago, and don't know what to do with myself. If what I posted doesn't make sense because of a lot of skipping around I did, I can explain further. First off, I am very sorry for your situation. Break ups are never fun and yours sounds like a bad one. The best advice I can give is that life does go on and you will feel better. Also, you need to find someone to talk to in real life. The Internet is a poor substitute when it comes to human contact. It can be a friend, family or even a professional, but try to open up and let the people around you help you. As the random guy from the internet above me: I am also just some random guy on the internet, but I agree with him. It's going to be hard to do right now, but try to focus on the good things about life, and having fun without your ex-girlfriend. | ||
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Titusmaster6
United States5936 Posts
On November 07 2014 17:46 Ahzz wrote: I don't know what to do with my life anymore, for she was essentially my reason for living, and my only source of real happiness. If she really is out of my life forever, I don't know how I am supposed to accept it. How I am supposed to move on. I don't really have any friends any more. The few I did have, I kind of grew apart from, and my newest ones I'm not very close with. I'm just a stranger from the internet, I don't REALLY know you, but these three comments are things that should never happen to you REGARDLESS if you are or are not in a relationship IMO. This 100%. Everything else Ahzz said is also spot on. I will try not to waste your time. I will just add on that the whole process will also take time. Be patient with yourself but work hard at it. It will take more than just sitting there and thinking about all of this. You won't truly "get it" until you can integrate how you want to live your life with your actual life. This also takes no small amount of courage and self confidence. You can do it. If you feel overwhelmed, narrow it down. Prioritize and focus on yourself. Take what victories you can but always keep your future and the "big picture" in mind. At the same time, don't forget to challenge yourself once in a while. Most importantly, surround yourself with good people. Be the person that you would want as a friend. This means that you will need to learn how to open up, express yourself, and also trust others. It also means you will need to learn how to relax and HAVE FUN. Finally, remember that you are not alone. The thoughts you have and the hopelessness you feel have been felt by everyone. Don't shut yourself away because you are down for the moment. We have all been depressed at one point or another, but eventually we get out of bed and try to make the best of a new day. If other people can do it, you can do it too. When all of this is more or less taken care of, when you have built up yourself and have a strong mind, you will get a new girlfriend no problem. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
I am a 19 year old male, and I have struggled with depression for at least five or six years now. Like, crippling what-is-the-point-of-living depression. Are you seeing anyone to talk about your depression? I have been there myself and I know how hard it is to deal with alone. Even when you know what is best for yourself, you still don't want to do it, and as a result it's very easy to end up in a downward spiral. The things everyone else has said are good, but I know at least for me, finding the motivation to do any of it when you hardly care about life to begin with can be extremely hard. A therapist can help you essentially quiet the demotivational voices and help you work through issues or help you find your own methods of self improvement. | ||
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DriduVitae
2 Posts
Things still suck, and feel like total shit because I have so many conflicting feelings, but in a way things are better. I am starting to see that us breaking up was inevitable. In the short term, we were great. The stage in our life that we were/are in allowed our relationship to be great and perfect, but in the long run we are too different. Problems would have arisen eventually, maybe not until four or five years from now, but they would have arisen. -I know she wants kids, even though last time we talked about it she said she didn't know/didn't want them, I am sure she just said that so we could continue our relationship (I don't want kids). -Religion means a lot to her, especially recently, but I don't believe in it. Even though I am accepting that this break is for the best, it fucking sucks and is hurting like hell because I still love and care for her, but we will never be romantic again. We have sent a couple texts back and forth, and we both still want to be friends, but it is pretty clear we won't be together again. Some things are looking a little better for me. Even though this is the shittiest time in my life, I think I am realizing my depression isn't insurmountable without her. She taught me how to be happy, and while I put my happiness on her, I realize that I can be happy on my own. I am still considering seeing a therapist though, as Najda suggested. I don't regret the last four years. I'm glad they happened. Hopefully in time I can sort my emotions out so that I stop so deeply loving someone that I can't be with. | ||
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bookwyrm
United States722 Posts
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
I've always used the truth, but that has usually ended in drama, and it always feels like I'm hurting them. Is there anything I can do to drive them away that's failsafe, so they think they don't want me? I tried coming up with the grossest thing ever, so I tried to fart in front of her, but I couldn't bring it over myself. Then I told her about my imminent ERASMUS stay (though that only starts next autumn...), but I don't think she caught on. | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8606 Posts
i dont think theres a painless way to get rid of them in this situation. youre like barney from himym | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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Zooper31
United States5710 Posts
On November 10 2014 12:44 B.I.G. wrote: gf avoiding me doesnt wsnt to say on the phone whats going on and is making excuses not to meet. just had her on the phone for a few minutes and when i asked her what was going on she was silent for a moment and then hung up, turning off her phone. the only reason i can come up with is she cheated on me. not a happy time right now. That or she's breaking up with you and doesn't know how to do it so she just avoids you. Sorry man  | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On November 10 2014 08:42 SixStrings wrote: Is there any painless way to get rid of someone you don't want to see again after having slept with her? I've always used the truth, but that has usually ended in drama, and it always feels like I'm hurting them. Is there anything I can do to drive them away that's failsafe, so they think they don't want me? I tried coming up with the grossest thing ever, so I tried to fart in front of her, but I couldn't bring it over myself. Then I told her about my imminent ERASMUS stay (though that only starts next autumn...), but I don't think she caught on. Pain is an intrinsic part of relationships. Your long-term integrity is more important than a fleeting avoidance of pain. Also, girls do not appreciate being treated like children. You debase yourself and the person you confess to "care about" whenever you lie your way out of a situation. On November 10 2014 12:44 B.I.G. wrote: gf avoiding me doesnt wsnt to say on the phone whats going on and is making excuses not to meet. just had her on the phone for a few minutes and when i asked her what was going on she was silent for a moment and then hung up, turning off her phone. the only reason i can come up with is she cheated on me. not a happy time right now. Or she's convinced you cheated on her. Or she's convinced you're no longer worthy of her attention. Or someone told her a false rumor that she bought into. Either way look for a resolution, for your peace of mind if nothing else. | ||
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