EPTOn November 25 2014 03:08 SatsuinoHado wrote:
cunt the cord really fast.
cunt the cord really fast.
nice freudian btw :D
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 561
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Snotling
Germany885 Posts
nice freudian btw :D | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On November 24 2014 22:37 Erasme wrote: So any do's or don't with a fuckbuddy ? This is my first one and I have no clues on what I can do and what I can't I get that no jealousy but if I have no one to see a movie with, can I ask her? Make sure you and her are on the same page when it comes to expectations. Sex has never, and will never be, "just sex". In a situation where both parties have different ideas of what a "casual hookup" entails, it can lead to significant friction and frustration. Do not make demands on her in the name of imaginary obligation. She doesn't have to help you move or be a soundboard for your feelings. Yes, you can hang out like regular people. On November 25 2014 02:53 virpi wrote: I'm currently single, my last relationship ended a few weeks ago. (We were together for about 2,5 years, but had to split, because she had to move to a town hundreds of kilometers away from my place. We tried to make things work, but seeing each other only once a month was terrible, so we decided to go separate ways.) An old (female) friend of mine moved back into my town. Since she's back, there's something strange happening when we meet each other. We have always been getting along quite well, but suddenly there seems to be more. She's showing interest. (looks, touches) Tomorrow, we're going to spend the evening together. And I'm kind of nervous, because I've got the feeling that we might...collide. I guess, I'll just let things happen, but I've never had sex with a woman I knew for such a long time. Indicators of interest don't mean shit. Don't become that guy who needs permission to act on his interests; concurrently, don't become that guy who goes for it because it's a possibility hanging in the air. Know what you want and see if the reality matches your expectations. | ||
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virpi
Germany3598 Posts
On November 25 2014 07:58 CosmicSpiral wrote: Indicators of interest don't mean shit. Don't become that guy who needs permission to act on his interests; concurrently, don't become that guy who goes for it because it's a possibility hanging in the air. Know what you want and see if the reality matches your expectations. there's no need to lecture me. If we want to have sex, we'll have sex. Adult life isn't that complicated if people talk to each other (and listen). What I want: Having a good time. Want I expect: Having a good time. With or without sex doesn't matter. We're not 15 anymore.  | ||
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CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On November 25 2014 08:44 virpi wrote: If we want to have sex, we'll have sex. Well, that's actually the problem. There is no "we" in your scenario, that is an illusion. And there is no proactiveness on your side, that is also an illusion. To put a finer point on it, would you ever push her away in this scenario? On November 25 2014 08:44 virpi wrote: Adult life isn't that complicated if people talk to each other (and listen). Unfortunately, the world itself is the most damning evidence against that assertion. On November 25 2014 08:44 virpi wrote: What I want: Having a good time. Want I expect: Having a good time. Yet here you are, posting in this thread. On November 25 2014 08:44 virpi wrote: With or without sex doesn't matter. We're not 15 anymore. Yet here you are, posting in this thread. | ||
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virpi
Germany3598 Posts
Yes, I would push her away, if I didn't want to sleep with her. I've made good experiences with my relaxed approach. And I honestly don't care about the world itself. I only care about the people I meet. So far, they mostly have been good company. | ||
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Titusmaster6
United States5936 Posts
On November 24 2014 22:53 Ghostcom wrote: Do it. It is very doable as long as you both realize that you aren't going to be a couple like other couples - most of your dates will be in the library/study sessions. If you are going to use the "I don't really have time right now" excuse you are going to use it for the rest of your life. Best of luck in med school - life on the other side is very rewarding  Thanks we'll see how this goes. Still not sure what to do but I understand what you are saying completely...because I've been guilty of that excuse for the past 2 years. | ||
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JoeCool
Germany2517 Posts
On November 21 2014 06:15 JoeCool wrote: Sent her a message 10 minutes ago and asked her out for thursday next week, she agreed and suggested to go to the local christmas market. Me: "Hey, about tomorrow let's meet at 7.30?" Her:"Hey, sure! As long as the weather is fine we (x and y etc.) will be there at around 6.00" -____________________- | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
Worst case scenario, you have a good time at a Weihnachtsmarkt getting pissed on Glühwein. Best case scenario, you have a good time at a Weihnachtsmarkt getting pissed on Glühwein and ask her out on a proper date next time. | ||
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Titusmaster6
United States5936 Posts
On November 27 2014 05:31 SixStrings wrote: Doesn't have to be a bad thing, mate. Worst case scenario, you have a good time at a Weihnachtsmarkt getting pissed on Glühwein. Best case scenario, you have a good time at a Weihnachtsmarkt getting pissed on Glühwein and ask her out on a proper date next time. exactly. gl! | ||
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JoeCool
Germany2517 Posts
On November 27 2014 05:31 SixStrings wrote: Doesn't have to be a bad thing, mate. Worst case scenario, you have a good time at a Weihnachtsmarkt getting pissed on Glühwein. Best case scenario, you have a good time at a Weihnachtsmarkt getting pissed on Glühwein and ask her out on a proper date next time. First thing is basically what happened, it was a very nice eving with a couple of people and we've had a good time together. Did not ask her out for another date, I would have if I had some time with her alone, maybe I'll do that in a couple of days. | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4781 Posts
EDIT: And if you want anything to happen between you two you'll probably have to move somewhat soon'ish. Could always go for the "Hey, it was super fun last time - we should do something like that again. Oh how about you and I go iceskating?" | ||
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EaterOfCabbage
4 Posts
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Glakisa
Andorra2 Posts
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JoeCool
Germany2517 Posts
On November 28 2014 08:03 Ghostcom wrote: Just pull her slightly to the side and ask her next time. It doesn't have to be a secret that you are asking her out (obviously you don't want to put her in the spotlight whilst doing it, however it just always seems that people err to much on the side of caution). EDIT: And if you want anything to happen between you two you'll probably have to move somewhat soon'ish. Could always go for the "Hey, it was super fun last time - we should do something like that again. Oh how about you and I go iceskating?" Yeah we'll meet again next thursday to see the new hunger games movie. However, there won't be just the two of us there are five or six friends that will join us. | ||
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Hazzyboy
Estonia555 Posts
Is it really that bad to ask a girl out after 3-4 days since you've met her? I didn't ask for a date or anything but just out and I did confirm she wasn't in a relationship. | ||
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Ahzz
Finland780 Posts
On November 29 2014 20:20 Hazzyboy wrote: So I got this new girl that I really loved from 1st look at work. She's perfect in my eyes and I invited her to a date too early - after couple days. She agreed for a date as friends. Later she told she can't go giving a valid reason she was at a party and is tired so she agreed to go later. I played it as it's alright. Is it really that bad to ask a girl out after 3-4 days since you've met her? I didn't ask for a date or anything but just out and I did confirm she wasn't in a relationship. There isn't anything wrong with asking someone out after 3-4 days. But it does require a certain level of comfort and trust to be established before you do it. Perhaps you made your move before she was actually comfortable around you, or perhaps there wasn't enough sexual tension between you two. Also, I know this is something you said quickly over the internet, but even so I think that it reflects your feelings quite a bit. "She's perfect in my eyes". You knew her for 3 days. It's fine to be attracted, it's fine to think that this person is amazing enough that you want to know more about her. But it also sounds like you raised her to a pedestal, a class of her own before you even gave her a chance to show more about her. It sounds like you fell for an ideal, rather than falling for her (because you don't even know her yet). And this kind of attitude OFTEN shows in our actions and motives, and it's a big turnoff imo. If I were you, I would reflect on these points a little bit first. Was there enough comfort and/or sexual tension before you asked her out for something fun? You raised her up to a pretty high standard before knowing her. Did this show in your actions and confidence? If you think there were no problems of this sort then don't sweat it, ask her out maybe one more time for something fun you'd perhaps do anyway. If she again declines or makes excuses, drop it and move on (even if you talk together occasionally still). If, on the other hand, you think you may have screwed up a few things before asking her on a date(or out or w/e) then I would focus on building a stronger relationship first before asking her out again. Regardless what happens, you'll do fine and this will have been a great learning experience for the future if you reflect on it, so don't forget to act like it! | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
'I have plans that night.' means: 'Please leave me alone, creep.' 'I have plans that night, let's do it another time.' means: 'I have plans that night, let's do it another time.' | ||
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KaiserKieran
United States615 Posts
I guess I should start from the very beginning of meeting this girl. For this I will refer to her as "Rachel". Edit: I realize the background is very extensive and I go on each detail of meeting this girl. You can skip down to the texts if you dont wanna be hardcore and read the background. No harm done! The first time I got to hangout with Rachel was at a party/rager back in March. I was a Freshman and she was a Sophomore. We grinded and danced but I didn't hook up with her because I wasn't totally comfortable getting with a girl that was drunk when I was sober. Regardless we had a good time and she gave me her number before I went home. A lot of my friends thought I got with her but I let them know that I did not because I thought it'd be creepy for me to do so. I texted Rachel for about a week afterward and things were going well. The following Friday after the party I talked to her after a school basketball game and asked her out for the next day. She told me she was busy hanging with some of her girlfriends but that she was interested. This was my first time really asking out a girl so my thoughts were along the lines of "Hell yeah!!!" Well the next weekend I was sleeping over with a couple of my good friends and they told me that she had hooked up with a senior the day she had told me she was "with friends" and more specifically the day after I asked her out. Well this kind of depressed me and because, well, I didn't think she would do that right after I asked her out. She was not committed to me so there was nothing for me to be angry about but honestly i was kind of hurt. She kind of had a reputation as being a partier so I don't think I should've been all that surprised. *Que 6 months of just texting and snapchatting here and there. Nothing big happens. It was August and I had just returned back to my homestate after visiting family overseas. Our communicating with each other had increased a lot as school came closer. Well one time we were texting and she asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with some of her friends and like any sophomore hanging with upperclassman especially cute girls is pretty awesome. Her friend picked me up and we went out to a diner and it was pretty fun. I was shy at first but once I warmed up it was really a nice time. This was the first time I really got to talk and hang out with her. The next time I would hang out with Rachel would be October when she invited me and a Junior friend of mine to a house party thrown by a friend of hers. It was my first time drinking and being with her alone. We didnt drink too much since I had a appointment early the next day and neither did she since she had a dancing competition the next day. Well I was feeling pretty good until I realized I would have to leave in about 20 minutes. I had been hanging with her for most of the night and I talked to her and told her that I would be leaving soon and if she wanted to do something (IE hook up) before I left. She said yes (Yay!!!) but wanted to finish talking with her friends. I ended up having to leave with my Junior friend to go home (He was my ride) and we were hugging good bye and I kissed her on her forehead while we were hugging. She looked at me and paused. Then she kissed me and it was a great feeling. My friend forgot where his keys were so I hugged her again after he found them and we kissed again as we left. So to recap so far: Girl I like and I meet after around half a year of flirting. We kiss but don't hook up. Well we start to facetime and call each other on the weekend and text each other daily. I started to walk with her to class and I started to think that I was falling for this girl. We went to a pizza place maybe a week after the party to support our school's best buddies club but we got there late and no one was left. We ended up talking and eating just the two of us and it was awesome. She had a great time and after maybe an hour of us talking her dad came to pick her up, I shook his hand met her dog and then they left. We didn't kiss but it was pretty romantic. That weekend there were 2 parties going on but she could not get the person hosting the one she wanted to go to invite me so I went to a different one that was hosted by her grade because I could not go with Rachel as I was not invited. What followed was pretty strange. Everyone left the party she wanted to go to that was "exclusive" to go the one that was more open house which I was at. Rachel got ditched at the exclusive party and kept calling me asking me what was happening and what I was doing and what people were doing. Well Rachel ended up at the party I was at and I embraced her and we kissed and went into the party. Well I realized that she was having trouble walking as she was so drunk and once we got inside we just talked with her friends. It was getting kind of late and I asked her if she wanted to go upstairs (Where there werent people so we could hu) and she said yeah in a little bit. Well a little turns into a long time and I just sit down on a couch talking with a few friends. Well she comes over and lays down on the couch/ on me and I can tell she is not feeling well. She apologizes to me saying that she wants to but that she is too tired/drunk. I tell her that its ok and I go home after hugging her good bye (no kiss). The next day we are texting and Rachel tells me that she can tell that i am pissed at her. I assure her that i am not angry at her but tell her that I feel like she was not interested in me or else she would've drunken less. She says that's not the case and we carry on texting and facetiming like usual throughout the next couple of weeks. We start adding kissy emojjis at the end of conversations which makes me think we are headed toward being a couple... After a football game the next week Rachel asks me what i was doing and i tell her nothing and she asks me if she wants to go to her house (hell yeah!). Her bestfriend comes with us which was fine it was just gonna be the 2 of them but Rachel invited me to come too. I meet Rachel's parents and I talk with them and have dinner with her family before Rachel, her best friend and I wind up chilling in an enclosed room at the side of her house. Rachel and I end up cuddling and Rachels best friend asks if Rachel wants her to take her shower now (an obvious question asking Rachel if she wants to be left alone with me to hook up) top which Rachel says no its ok. I hug her goodbye a short while later (no kiss) and go home. At this point I was wondering why she hadn't wanted to hook up with me if she was interested in me. Side note: she had hooked up with a lot more people before me. A lot of them when she had just met them so its not like she waits for all guys this long. Well I get the idea that I should ask her if she wants to be my girlfriend to get an idea of where she wants to be with me in a relationship. I talk to her 2 days later after school and she tells me that she likes me but that we should just be friends and see where that takes us. Im like ok just friends it is but then she kisses me goodbye which confuses me because she had just told me she wanted to be friends!!!! Well she texts me a short while later and I'll just transcribe the conversation because its really my only direct source that is not my memory: Rachel: Hey i hope you arent taken back anything I said. I dont wanna rush into things. Me: no its fine dont worry about it. im glad we got to talk about it. Rachel: idk I just feel like kinda wierd about this because like we havent even hooked up or hung out alone but I really like talking to you. (We had hung out at parties alone, and the pizza place, and we couldve been alone at her parents house so this is not true. Also confusing) Me: Thats a perfectly fine reason. We can do something saturday if youre free? Rachel: Yeah if i can I might be going up to new york (we didnt hang out). I just dont wanna title or anything right now or make anything official. Like i'd rather just be friends for now and see where things can take us. Me: Thats totally cool. ( blah blah end of conversation I need sleep because school tomorrow and Im already tired) So to recap: We werent a thing because we didnt hook up because of different reasons, we werent a couple because she told me no and we werent just friends because she kissed me. I tell myself I should just give her space and she texts me a few times afterward but we dont do anything for 3 weeks besides text or say hi every once in a while. I thought this was what she wanted me to do untilllllll she texts me last night about "What we were/are". Keep in mind this is after 2-3 weeks of very little talk. I had pretty much gotten over her at this point and had put whatever we were behind us. (I should mention that this was yesterday 11/28/14) Here we go First some small talk... Then... Rachel: I miss talking to you _____. Can we please talk about what happened? Me: Uh sure Rachel: Do you not want to? Me: tell me whats on your mind. Rachel: I miss talking to you and I'm sorry i didnt want to be official to you but I wanted something. And we just stopped talking from there. And I don't know what to do because you obviously dont want to talk to me but I miss you. Me: It's not like i havent wanted to talk to you or ignored you its just you told me you wanted to be friends and I gave you space. Rachel: And i feel bad I said no but i dont know what to tell you. Me: Don't feel bad. Rachel: I miss talking to you ___. I told you I wanted something but not to be official, and you stopped reaching out to me . Me:I'm sorry i figured you wanted some space. Rachel: Okay. I don't know what to say. Me: I dont either. What do you want me to say? Rachel: I dont know ___. I hguess whatver you want to say. If you dont have anything to say its fine. Me:I guess it kind of felt like you were rejecting me and when you told me you wanted to be friends for now I took that literally. I thought thats what you wanted. And I wanted to do what you wanted. Rachel: I just didnt want to be official. I felt like that was a big step since we've never actually hu and ive never met your parents. But I miss talking to you because you make me happy. Me: Well its nopt like we've never had the chance to. And I guess girlfriend was the wrong choice of words I just wanted a commitment so I wasn't being let on. Rachel:I wanted to be something with you ____. And I still do. That was just too much of a commitment for me. Me: What did you want me to do? Rachel: I don't know. Im sorry i guess I shouldnt have brought it up. Im sorry. Me: Dont be sorry Im not trying to vcome off as an asshole in anyway. Rachel: no you're not. Me: Its that I literally have no idea what you wanted from me. If you wanted to be friends you coulve said that of you wanted to try and date you could've said yes and if you just wanted to be a thing we could've hu. But you just said you wanted to be just friends right now. And I took it as it was said. Rachel: I said I wanted something. I didn't want to be official.. I still wanted something. I just didn't want to be official. Me: Does something have a name? Rachel: What do you mean? Can you explain? Me: Like you wanted me to be between a friend and boyfriend? Rachel: I dont know ____. I guess if you put it that way then yes. Can we talk about it over the phone? We talk. Ends with me telling her we should just be friends. Rachel tells me its been so long where do we start? I tell her it starts by us talking more. I told her I would text her tomorrow. Tomorrow is now today...I am in need of some advice on what to do from here. I realize that this has been a long post and I thank everyone who has taken the time to read it and talk to me. I just feel young and naive and confused and I do not know what to do. I like Rachel as she is beautiful, smart, funny everything someone would want in someone else. I just don't know what to do. tl;dr: I thought she wanted space. She tells me she likes me but doesnt want to be my girlfriend and doesnt want to be just a friend. She has brushed off my advances at hooking up. Advice? | ||
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CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
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arb
Noobville17920 Posts
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