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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On November 08 2014 03:47 DriduVitae wrote:
Hey guys, thanks so much for the responses.
Things still suck, and feel like total shit because I have so many conflicting feelings, but in a way things are better. I am starting to see that us breaking up was inevitable. In the short term, we were great. The stage in our life that we were/are in allowed our relationship to be great and perfect, but in the long run we are too different.
Problems would have arisen eventually, maybe not until four or five years from now, but they would have arisen.
-I know she wants kids, even though last time we talked about it she said she didn't know/didn't want them, I am sure she just said that so we could continue our relationship (I don't want kids).
-Religion means a lot to her, especially recently, but I don't believe in it.
Even though I am accepting that this break is for the best, it fucking sucks and is hurting like hell because I still love and care for her, but we will never be romantic again. We have sent a couple texts back and forth, and we both still want to be friends, but it is pretty clear we won't be together again.
Some things are looking a little better for me. Even though this is the shittiest time in my life, I think I am realizing my depression isn't insurmountable without her. She taught me how to be happy, and while I put my happiness on her, I realize that I can be happy on my own. I am still considering seeing a therapist though, as Najda suggested.
I don't regret the last four years. I'm glad they happened. Hopefully in time I can sort my emotions out so that I stop so deeply loving someone that I can't be with.
You have struggled with crippling depression for 6 years but aren't in ongoing therapy? If her breaking up with you at least sparked you into doing that I think you won out majorly, no matter how awesome a person she was.
EDIT: To be 100% crystal clear: Go see your GP to get a referral to a psychiatrist for an assessment.
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After ~ 6 Months without dating I'm kinda "back".
I met a girl last sunday at my birthday party, she was none of my guests, that cought my attention. We talked for quite some time and right after my party was over she offered her place for an afterhour. Some of us accepted her offer and so we went to her place.
Before we left, at like 7.30 am, I asked her if she would tell me her number, to which she replied that she'd be glad to.
Now here are two options:
1.) Give her a call/send a message and ask her out for next week.
2.) There are two more parties in the next three/four weeks at her place, she'll be there and I'll be there. Plus 5 or 6 other guys/girls.
Option one seems to be better but I'm not really into "classical dating", like going out together to a bar/cinema/whatever and afterwards to her or my place.
Option two, having a great time together at a (her) party and then ... well stay at her place, is what I'd like to do right now. I believe that could work.
What do you guys think?
Before I forget, I did not call/text her yet but I do not want her to think, that I forgot about her. If I would pick option two, would you give her a call or sth like that?
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@JoeCool
I think neither of your options are best IMHO. Try the middle option :
Go start up a conversation with her through messaging, and see how see responds. (Talk about your party/her party/interests you might have shared with her or w/e it doesn't really matter what it's about.) If it hits on, you can ask her out earlier, or you can just wait for one of her parties.
The thing with option 1] is that it's really direct, some girls like that, some girls don't, so its a 50/50 guess. You also set some sort of ultimatum (even if you don't want it to be).
The thing with option 2] is that alot can happen in 3 weeks. She might have thought you were cute, but by lack of interest or forgetfullness, she will (maybe) find other guys, who don't let her wait for 3 weeks.
So I would go for the Option 2, but with interaction through messaging. WhatsApp/Telegram/Facebook, whatever you use in your country is ideal for such 'smalltalk'. The pro to this is that, once you guys meet at the party, it won't be awkward or something like that, because you were just talking about it hours before through your phone.
Whatever you choose, good luck!
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On November 20 2014 06:42 WonnaPlay wrote:
@JoeCool
I think neither of your options are best IMHO. Try the middle option :
Go start up a conversation with her through messaging, and see how see responds. (Talk about your party/her party/interests you might have shared with her or w/e it doesn't really matter what it's about.) If it hits on, you can ask her out earlier, or you can just wait for one of her parties.
The thing with option 1] is that it's really direct, some girls like that, some girls don't, so its a 50/50 guess. You also set some sort of ultimatum (even if you don't want it to be).
The thing with option 2] is that alot can happen in 3 weeks. She might have thought you were cute, but by lack of interest or forgetfullness, she will (maybe) find other guys, who don't let her wait for 3 weeks.
So I would go for the Option 2, but with interaction through messaging. WhatsApp/Telegram/Facebook, whatever you use in your country is ideal for such 'smalltalk'. The pro to this is that, once you guys meet at the party, it won't be awkward or something like that, because you were just talking about it hours before through your phone.
Whatever you choose, good luck!
Imho, texting to get to know the girl is a bad idea. You should keep texting to a minimum until you know each other better, as it is a really terrible substitution for facetime. It's great for setting up facetime, though.
Option 1 is, imho, a nobrainer. If you're not into "classical dating" (although I don't really see how meeting a girl for a coffee (or a beer) can be construed as a bad thing, then find some common interest (other than partying) that you can do together.
Problems with option 2 are also numerous: 1. she gave you her number for a reason. It's not to wait for 3 weeks until another one of her parties rolls around. If you're interested in her, call her. And 2. if she's throwing a party, she will be the host and somewhat obliged to socialize: chance of getting her to yourself is pretty slim. Additionally, it's a party: unless your plan is to get drunk and have sex, it's not a great opportunity to really get to know her.
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Anyone have any personal experience meeting women in public venues like coffee shops/trains? I've made it a habit to chat up girls often when I am in these sorts of places. I tend to be a little bitch and not ask for numbers enough (which is something I am making a commitment to change). Anyone do it like this and if so do you make it clear what your about early on or do you just chat platonicly and show more direct interest later?
I feel like if I am too direct I get lumped into my cities dregs who creep on chicks all day and if I am too nonchalant when I ask for a number it seems sort of unclear why I am asking for it. Can't seem to find the middle ground 
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United States15275 Posts
On November 20 2014 13:22 puppykiller wrote:Anyone have any personal experience meeting women in public venues like coffee shops/trains? I've made it a habit to chat up girls often when I am in these sorts of places. I tend to be a little bitch and not ask for numbers enough (which is something I am making a commitment to change). Anyone do it like this and if so do you make it clear what your about early on or do you just chat platonically and show more direct interest later? I feel like if I am too direct I get lumped into my cities dregs who creep on chicks all day and if I am too nonchalant when I ask for a number it seems sort of unclear why I am asking for it. Can't seem to find the middle ground
Going direct doing the day is an attitude that usually doesn't work out well unless you're really good at "being relaxed". But yes, there's a middle ground between being fun + friendly and having intent. It takes a while to settle into equilibrium.
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On November 20 2014 13:22 puppykiller wrote:Anyone have any personal experience meeting women in public venues like coffee shops/trains? I've made it a habit to chat up girls often when I am in these sorts of places. I tend to be a little bitch and not ask for numbers enough (which is something I am making a commitment to change). Anyone do it like this and if so do you make it clear what your about early on or do you just chat platonicly and show more direct interest later? I feel like if I am too direct I get lumped into my cities dregs who creep on chicks all day and if I am too nonchalant when I ask for a number it seems sort of unclear why I am asking for it. Can't seem to find the middle ground
Met my girlfriend in the train, but it took about 3 chance meetings (granted, I did try to help chance along a bit by catching the same train every week) before I really felt comfortable asking for her contact info. The problem is that even if you talk for 15-30 minutes in a train (or even shorter in a coffee shop / bus stop / queue in the post office / etc.), you're still pretty much strangers, and it is quite intrusive to ask for contact info. In general: just chat for the sake of chatting, and if you really hit it off, you can ask for her number; but remember that she really has to feel comfortable for that to have a hope of working.
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On November 20 2014 12:55 Acrofales wrote:
Imho, texting to get to know the girl is a bad idea. You should keep texting to a minimum until you know each other better, as it is a really terrible substitution for facetime. It's great for setting up facetime, though.
Option 1 is, imho, a nobrainer. If you're not into "classical dating" (although I don't really see how meeting a girl for a coffee (or a beer) can be construed as a bad thing, then find some common interest (other than partying) that you can do together.
Sent her a message 10 minutes ago and asked her out for thursday next week, she agreed and suggested to go to the local christmas market. 
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On November 21 2014 06:15 JoeCool wrote:Show nested quote +On November 20 2014 12:55 Acrofales wrote:
Imho, texting to get to know the girl is a bad idea. You should keep texting to a minimum until you know each other better, as it is a really terrible substitution for facetime. It's great for setting up facetime, though.
Option 1 is, imho, a nobrainer. If you're not into "classical dating" (although I don't really see how meeting a girl for a coffee (or a beer) can be construed as a bad thing, then find some common interest (other than partying) that you can do together.
Sent her a message 10 minutes ago and asked her out for thursday next week, she agreed and suggested to go to the local christmas market.
I just want to add how disgusting it is that these are already open......
Also best of luck on your date!
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On November 21 2014 06:15 JoeCool wrote:Show nested quote +On November 20 2014 12:55 Acrofales wrote:
Imho, texting to get to know the girl is a bad idea. You should keep texting to a minimum until you know each other better, as it is a really terrible substitution for facetime. It's great for setting up facetime, though.
Option 1 is, imho, a nobrainer. If you're not into "classical dating" (although I don't really see how meeting a girl for a coffee (or a beer) can be construed as a bad thing, then find some common interest (other than partying) that you can do together.
Sent her a message 10 minutes ago and asked her out for thursday next week, she agreed and suggested to go to the local christmas market.
That's great! Have fun
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Netherlands6192 Posts
All I really have to say is :|
Pretty accurate description of my dating luck.
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i do alright for myself tbh. don't use online dating or tinder
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Met this nice girl but we are both so busy with med school. It's so tempting to commit to a relationship when you meet someone chill but I think I better just not pursue this fully right now. Easier said than done.
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So any do's or don't with a fuckbuddy ? This is my first one and I have no clues on what I can do and what I can't
I get that no jealousy but if I have no one to see a movie with, can I ask her ?
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On my way to a (blind) date. Due to some mix ups the only thing I have to wear are a random t shirt, jeans I used to wear before I lost 30 pounds and sneakers with a hole in one of them.
Yay for good first impressions.
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On November 24 2014 10:08 Titusmaster6 wrote:
Met this nice girl but we are both so busy with med school. It's so tempting to commit to a relationship when you meet someone chill but I think I better just not pursue this fully right now. Easier said than done.
Do it. It is very doable as long as you both realize that you aren't going to be a couple like other couples - most of your dates will be in the library/study sessions. If you are going to use the "I don't really have time right now" excuse you are going to use it for the rest of your life. Best of luck in med school - life on the other side is very rewarding
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Ok, I dont seem to find courage to go out a lot. I still keep in touch with ex and we have sex from time to time but its a dead end from there and I just cant get the willpower to say "no I deserve better I want more", btw she goes all the stuff going out with girlfriends giving her number to guys in clubs etc and this should give me enough reason to just go out and have fun but after 3 years every time I meet girl I just know what will happen and never give a chance to anything ;(
PS: i have a friend from my previous job she is really sweet and she even wants to fix me with one of her friends and still i dont feel excited...
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On November 25 2014 00:35 SatsuinoHado wrote:Ok, I dont seem to find courage to go out a lot. I still keep in touch with ex and we have sex from time to time but its a dead end from there and I just cant get the willpower to say "no I deserve better I want more", btw she goes all the stuff going out with girlfriends giving her number to guys in clubs etc and this should give me enough reason to just go out and have fun but after 3 years every time I meet girl I just know what will happen and never give a chance to anything ;( PS: i have a friend from my previous job she is really sweet and she even wants to fix me with one of her friends and still i dont feel excited...
If you are not over your last girlfriend after three years, maybe seeing a therapist about it could be a good idea. Not getting exited about women seems like an awfull life to me.....
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I'm currently single, my last relationship ended a few weeks ago. (We were together for about 2,5 years, but had to split, because she had to move to a town hundreds of kilometers away from my place. We tried to make things work, but seeing each other only once a month was terrible, so we decided to go separate ways.)
An old (female) friend of mine moved back into my town. Since she's back, there's something strange happening when we meet each other. We have always been getting along quite well, but suddenly there seems to be more. She's showing interest. (looks, touches) Tomorrow, we're going to spend the evening together. And I'm kind of nervous, because I've got the feeling that we might...collide. I guess, I'll just let things happen, but I've never had sex with a woman I knew for such a long time.
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On November 25 2014 01:50 Snotling wrote:Show nested quote +On November 25 2014 00:35 SatsuinoHado wrote:Ok, I dont seem to find courage to go out a lot. I still keep in touch with ex and we have sex from time to time but its a dead end from there and I just cant get the willpower to say "no I deserve better I want more", btw she goes all the stuff going out with girlfriends giving her number to guys in clubs etc and this should give me enough reason to just go out and have fun but after 3 years every time I meet girl I just know what will happen and never give a chance to anything ;( PS: i have a friend from my previous job she is really sweet and she even wants to fix me with one of her friends and still i dont feel excited... If you are not over your last girlfriend after three years, maybe seeing a therapist about it could be a good idea. Not getting exited about women seems like an awfull life to me.....
Oh my bad I mean after 3 years Relationship we broke up 4 months ago. I should never post from my phone, and just I went on couple of dates everything is great until the girl starts acting like girls do when they want seem too unavailable or that you need to get them stars from the sky or something in those lines and that makes me just cunt the cord really fast.
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EPT
