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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think?
I'd give it at least 24 hours so she can decide what she wants to do going forward (a chance she was surprised by you not trying to sleep with her and either thought you weren't into her [I have heard this more than once for not trying to immediately sleep with a girl] or is thinking you might turn out to be serious).
When you are ready to write it off as a lost cause, if you really want a shot at that info I would say something like "I could tell on our date that we weren't really 'vibing/feeling each other/whatever lingo you use' I was just wondering if you had some thoughts on why you weren't feeling me"
When you drop the idea that maybe you just didn't want to sleep with her, if she had any interest at all (seems she did) she will have to know why and it should at least get a response. If she doesn't respond to that than she probably just uses tinder for easy free meals/entertainment or something and or had no interest by that point.
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Hey this may be a silly question as this thread is generally focused on getting a girl be attracted to you. What are some general hints in the inverse situation? What if you feel like a girl is trying to seduce you, especially if it's in a subtle way? If you just address it immediately she can just play it off and you'll look bad. How do you avoid looking like a jerk in this situation?
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On July 19 2014 01:33 c0ldfusion wrote:
Hey this may be a silly question as this thread is generally focused on getting a girl be attracted to you. What are some general hints in the inverse situation? What if you feel like a girl is trying to seduce you, especially if it's in a subtle way? If you just address it immediately she can just play it off and you'll look bad. How do you avoid looking like a jerk in this situation?
That is a highly vague and at the same time very descriptive question. Yes, a girl can always play practically anything off and get away with it. know the game and learn the game as quick as you can. Example my female manager tried to argue with me a few days ago. I shut her down in front of everyone....... she then plays and acts as if nothing happens. >__<
First things first try to determine whether she is a flirtatious or just all around carries that type of personality. I once had a girl like that around me turns out she was not exactly into me, although we did stay friends.
Be careful of your psychosis! Everyone goes through this stage of every girl likes them ,or someone is trying to get with them, I think she's really into me, and over thinking whether they have a chance or not as it has it's pros and cons. However that is not always the case with everyone.
If she is into you approach her and be weary about your approach. Try your best not to be afraid! Speak and be casual and outgoing don't be afraid to be an ass but be a playful one. have your charisma and radiant self present.
Here's an example: Sometimes really nerdy girls talk to me about harry potter they know I'm great to talk to and I am a listener, but I joke around a lot and sometimes too much. So sometimes when they start talking I cross my arms, close my eyes and slowly tilt my head back and snore on purpose.
Usually something like that will illicit a response, but you are you! Be yourself and be creative.
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On July 19 2014 01:13 GreenHorizons wrote:Show nested quote +On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think? I'd give it at least 24 hours so she can decide what she wants to do going forward (a chance she was surprised by you not trying to sleep with her and either thought you weren't into her [I have heard this more than once for not trying to immediately sleep with a girl] or is thinking you might turn out to be serious). When you are ready to write it off as a lost cause, if you really want a shot at that info I would say something like "I could tell on our date that we weren't really 'vibing/feeling each other/whatever lingo you use' I was just wondering if you had some thoughts on why you weren't feeling me" When you drop the idea that maybe you just didn't want to sleep with her, if she had any interest at all (seems she did) she will have to know why and it should at least get a response. If she doesn't respond to that than she probably just uses tinder for easy free meals/entertainment or something and or had no interest by that point.
Try to have the mentality that you will be fine without her even though you want her. You still may not get her. Even if she has had rough relationships try not to let that bother you at all on any date if brought up. As in my mind I imagine Goku dbz spinning a plate with chopsticks basically not listening to her and saying hey look at this!
It sounds like throughout your date that you dated someone who has a grudge against guys because every guy she encountered and essentially wanted to pair up (Not necessarily marry) with was a douche and just wanted sex.
here's the brutal part! As much as she was saying that, her coded message was that yes she wants to have sex she's just frustrated that about her previous relationships how they most likely ended up being only about sex or ending out terrible in the end. I guarantee that she did want to be with the guys she was with, but had trouble keeping them due to either something about her, them, or they could have just had ulterior motives plain and simple. Sadly there are just some realms that women do not think beyond.
Anyways you can wait for her to respond if you like do not call or text her right away or even say you had a good night when you didn't. IF you had an awkward night you had an awkward night! If she contacts you again and you do go on another date or want to. I want you to do something and hit her reset button because she hasn't touched it in a while. Tell her that you are not the same as those other guys and that you are someone different/new if you want to, however I only advise that if you two begin talking about her past relationships or getting into her pants again. Inf act if she's saying that that's a mega alarm wear a condom she's had a few rides to say at the least!
You need to make that decision here to stay with her and talk about her past relationships or get on with the possible new one which is you! Talking about the past does come up but not in the beginning like how she did. She could have been hurt badly, led astray, or she could even be damaged goods. In that case strap up, and do not leave your house without a jimmy/condom.
What the other guy said was true about the not trying to sleep with her thing. That does happen it has happened to me when I was young and was laughed at for it. SO re-read his last paragraph. If nothing can pull her out of her past relationships should you have another encounter leave her because misery loves company and she may not fix herself or push that reset button she needs to push.
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On July 19 2014 01:33 c0ldfusion wrote:
Hey this may be a silly question as this thread is generally focused on getting a girl be attracted to you. What are some general hints in the inverse situation? What if you feel like a girl is trying to seduce you, especially if it's in a subtle way? If you just address it immediately she can just play it off and you'll look bad. How do you avoid looking like a jerk in this situation?
My suggestion to you is to avoid universals in dating like the plague, meaning your question is not a good one at all. People are people, and yes, that includes women, meaning asking for general advice on the seduction techniques of females is like reading the National Enquirer for news. Without knowing the situation and the people involved, third party advice is going to be stilted, colored by the experiences of others, and mostly useless.
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I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach.
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On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach.
don't date people you work with. ever.
don't shit where you eat
On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think?
I think it will be lost personally, i feel like with some girls if you dont give it to them on the first date you will never get it barring intervention by god or something. But i think if shes motioning you over you should have hugged her and maybe when you backed up/parted whatever and your arms are still around her just like look into her eyes; you can tell alot as to if she wants to kiss or not just by doing that tbh.
But pls post an update to this if/when she texts you(or doesnt) this one has left me on a cliff hanger and its killing me LOL.
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On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat
This is a summer job, and I'm not coming back next year. There is 1 month left. Worst case is that I leave a half month early, it seems.
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I found that girls on Tinder take it personally if you don't have sex with them on the first date; I think you blew it.
So far the girls I met either slept with me on the first date or didn't give me a chance for a second date.
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On July 19 2014 08:15 WarSame wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat This is a summer job, and I'm not coming back next year. There is 1 month left. Worst case is that I leave a half month early, it seems.
I don't buy that 'don't shit where you eat' bullshit.
Just let things happen and see where it leads, I'll hazard a guess that you'll be happier for it.
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On July 19 2014 08:20 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 08:15 WarSame wrote:On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat This is a summer job, and I'm not coming back next year. There is 1 month left. Worst case is that I leave a half month early, it seems. I don't buy that 'don't shit where you eat' bullshit. Just let things happen and see where it leads, I'll hazard a guess that you'll be happier for it.
Especially on these forums where most people are in their early twenties just working jobs that are likely just temporary and certainly not a career.
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On July 19 2014 09:12 Najda wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 08:20 SixStrings wrote:On July 19 2014 08:15 WarSame wrote:On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat This is a summer job, and I'm not coming back next year. There is 1 month left. Worst case is that I leave a half month early, it seems. I don't buy that 'don't shit where you eat' bullshit. Just let things happen and see where it leads, I'll hazard a guess that you'll be happier for it. Especially on these forums where most people are in their early twenties just working jobs that are likely just temporary and certainly not a career.
More than likely you will have to leave sooner than you intended and finding jobs nowadays is hard(atleast where i live) too hard to waste it on dumb shit like dating co-workers.
But if its a summer job and youre not going back/leaving in a month go for it dawg
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My girlfriend and I recently went on a break for the obvious reason that we're now hundreds of miles apart and may not see each other again with any reasonable frequency.
Well, I went to doing what I do well and met some new people. I'm interning at a company with 100s of interns, and I spend a good amount of time with them because they're my co-workers and I'd feel like an ass to ditch them and hang out with other friends who are, to be quite honest, generally more fun, sociable, always down to go out or hang out and not just "when in the mood", etc.
Now, I thought I lost my ability to properly associate with ladies because the few intern girls there and particularly the ones I've had the misfortune of knowing are either in a relationship I don't want to homewreck (and there have been a couple advances from them) or the type that want you to be in a relationship with them for an established period before even doing anything remotely sexual.
From what I'm told, a couple of these girls are having bigtime internal struggles over the contradiction over liking me versus only wanting to do anything romantic or sexual if there's a strong chance of dating this guy long-term (which obviously isn't possible since this is just a summer thing).
However, I didn't realize that it wasn't the case I suddenly became terrible with girls, until I hung out with some other friends who are sociable beyond some small circle, who hang out with people who aren't looking for a permanent life partner. It was at a party, and seemed almost too easy to get things going. Then a few nights later, I went to a bar, and then again, things were just like clockwork. At least I had the consolation of knowing it wasn't me.
If I've learned anything of the years, it's that your environment is more important than anything else.
If you're in the fraternity known as engineering like me where what girls do exist can be overall (not all, but in general) awkward, scared of relations that aren't a relationship, etc., it almost does not matter how amazingly suave you are in regards to most girls and if you want anything of decent dating quality. But I've also been in environments like bars, Greek life/parties or just people who are overall "normal", and things are infinitely easier and better.
But seriously speaking, I graduate in December and am moving elsewhere. Sure, bar girls or whatever are not hard, but you don't exactly seriously date those girls. How does one meet girls beyond education that are looking for something beyond a one-night stand? As much as I'm against internet dating, is that really the only plausible solution besides randomly meeting someone who just so happens to be the perfect woman?
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On July 19 2014 11:17 JudicatorHammurabi wrote:
My girlfriend and I recently went on a break for the obvious reason that we're now hundreds of miles apart and may not see each other again with any reasonable frequency.
Well, I went to doing what I do well and met some new people. I'm interning at a company with 100s of interns, and I spend a good amount of time with them because they're my co-workers and I'd feel like an ass to ditch them and hang out with other friends who are, to be quite honest, generally more fun, sociable, always down to go out or hang out and not just "when in the mood", etc.
Now, I thought I lost my ability to properly associate with ladies because the few intern girls there and particularly the ones I've had the misfortune of knowing are either in a relationship I don't want to homewreck (and there have been a couple advances from them) or the type that want you to be in a relationship with them for an established period before even doing anything remotely sexual.
From what I'm told, a couple of these girls are having bigtime internal struggles over the contradiction over liking me versus only wanting to do anything romantic or sexual if there's a strong chance of dating this guy long-term (which obviously isn't possible since this is just a summer thing).
However, I didn't realize that it wasn't the case I suddenly became terrible with girls, until I hung out with some other friends who are sociable beyond some small circle, who hang out with people who aren't looking for a permanent life partner. It was at a party, and seemed almost too easy to get things going. Then a few nights later, I went to a bar, and then again, things were just like clockwork. At least I had the consolation of knowing it wasn't me.
If I've learned anything of the years, it's that your environment is more important than anything else.
If you're in the fraternity known as engineering like me where what girls do exist can be overall (not all, but in general) awkward, scared of relations that aren't a relationship, etc., it almost does not matter how amazingly suave you are in regards to most girls and if you want anything of decent dating quality. But I've also been in environments like bars, Greek life/parties or just people who are overall "normal", and things are infinitely easier and better.
But seriously speaking, I graduate in December and am moving elsewhere. Sure, bar girls or whatever are not hard, but you don't exactly seriously date those girls. How does one meet girls beyond education that are looking for something beyond a one-night stand? As much as I'm against internet dating, is that really the only plausible solution besides randomly meeting someone who just so happens to be the perfect woman?
I mean you can try bar girls, and actually get their number and talk to them instead of just quickly wanting to go to your place.
Dating sites are actually an alright thing to do once you figure out what works/doesnt.
Could try tinder too
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Tinder has actually been a total game changer for me.
I never liked going to clubs or bars to pick up girls and online-dating involved too much staring at screens for my taste. Once I met a girl from OKC and saw her for a while, but that was after like 20 hours of typing, skypeing and texting.
Tinder is much more unpretentious. Everyone knows it for hookups, it's obviously based on physical appearance and you talk to a lot of girls for short periods of time. If nothing else, I highly recommend it for guys like me who aren't too confident around girls. Once you get a bit of practice in, it gets much easier to breach physical barriers, which seems to me to be the most important thing on a first date.
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On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat Show nested quote +On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think? I think it will be lost personally, i feel like with some girls if you dont give it to them on the first date you will never get it barring intervention by god or something. But i think if shes motioning you over you should have hugged her and maybe when you backed up/parted whatever and your arms are still around her just like look into her eyes; you can tell alot as to if she wants to kiss or not just by doing that tbh. But pls post an update to this if/when she texts you(or doesnt) this one has left me on a cliff hanger and its killing me LOL.
On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat Show nested quote +On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think? I think it will be lost personally, i feel like with some girls if you dont give it to them on the first date you will never get it barring intervention by god or something. But i think if shes motioning you over you should have hugged her and maybe when you backed up/parted whatever and your arms are still around her just like look into her eyes; you can tell alot as to if she wants to kiss or not just by doing that tbh. But pls post an update to this if/when she texts you(or doesnt) this one has left me on a cliff hanger and its killing me LOL.
Thanks everyone for the great advice. I rolled the dice today and sent her another text against all advice lol. This was because we had already been texting every day, and even during the date talked about texting the next day. She responded pretty quickly, went back and forth for 2 or 3 texts, now she hasn't responded again. The last text I sent was about whether I had countered her assumption that I just wanted to get in her pants. So I was thinking maybe she didn't respond to that, and my text last night, because she wants to get off the subject, but that could be over-thinking it.
I definitely don't think she is someone who sleeps with a lot of dudes or w/e. She said she got out of a 3 yr relationship 6 months ago, and that she is "enjoying being single", but the tinder guys just want a "booty call". So I was confused what "enjoying being single" means other than booty calls.
I was thinking I'd text again on Sunday. But maybe I could tomorrow too.
I do regret not walking her to her car and going for the kiss. But, it shouldn't really matter. My hope right now is that she just wants me to chase her a bit and keep texting. She's playin dem games  .
Tonight I went out with another girl for a 2nd date. We came back to my place, talked for a while, then made out. She had plans to go to a friend's so she left soon after that. Very soon after she texted me saying she had a good time, and we talked about hanging out soon. I mentioned me going out to her neighborhood. She replied "wow all the way out here huh? You must like me." I responded that I wouldn't wanna take things too fast but yes, I do like her. Her reply was to claim she was "just giving me a hard time" . Maybe that could actually be true, what do you think? I'm 90% sure we will hookup next date.
My real challenge right now in dating is to mature emotionally, and be able to not get worked up about first dates. I have different mental blocks and anxieties going on, both during and after dates, that really are powerful that I need to get rid of. For example, I worry constantly during a date about how it's going and whether I'm doing the right thing at that second. I also have a negative mentality that I'm going to be inadequate and awkward and she's going to reject me. It's quite a thing. I can try to tell myself to get over these things, but I have a feeling it will only come with time and more dates.
I think I have the potential through tinder to go on as many dates as I want. Right now it can be significantly anxiety-inducing (this also has to do with mental health but we won't go there) to have too many dates in sequence I think.
Tomorrow night I have 2 potential first date hookups. One would be dippin down the barrel though. Hopefully I will have the resolve not to do that, knowing that I would probably regret it .
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On July 19 2014 17:16 Doodsmack wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think? I think it will be lost personally, i feel like with some girls if you dont give it to them on the first date you will never get it barring intervention by god or something. But i think if shes motioning you over you should have hugged her and maybe when you backed up/parted whatever and your arms are still around her just like look into her eyes; you can tell alot as to if she wants to kiss or not just by doing that tbh. But pls post an update to this if/when she texts you(or doesnt) this one has left me on a cliff hanger and its killing me LOL. Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think? I think it will be lost personally, i feel like with some girls if you dont give it to them on the first date you will never get it barring intervention by god or something. But i think if shes motioning you over you should have hugged her and maybe when you backed up/parted whatever and your arms are still around her just like look into her eyes; you can tell alot as to if she wants to kiss or not just by doing that tbh. But pls post an update to this if/when she texts you(or doesnt) this one has left me on a cliff hanger and its killing me LOL. I definitely don't think she is someone who sleeps with a lot of dudes or w/e.
Oh you sweet summer child.
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On July 19 2014 20:29 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 17:16 Doodsmack wrote:On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think? I think it will be lost personally, i feel like with some girls if you dont give it to them on the first date you will never get it barring intervention by god or something. But i think if shes motioning you over you should have hugged her and maybe when you backed up/parted whatever and your arms are still around her just like look into her eyes; you can tell alot as to if she wants to kiss or not just by doing that tbh. But pls post an update to this if/when she texts you(or doesnt) this one has left me on a cliff hanger and its killing me LOL. On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think? I think it will be lost personally, i feel like with some girls if you dont give it to them on the first date you will never get it barring intervention by god or something. But i think if shes motioning you over you should have hugged her and maybe when you backed up/parted whatever and your arms are still around her just like look into her eyes; you can tell alot as to if she wants to kiss or not just by doing that tbh. But pls post an update to this if/when she texts you(or doesnt) this one has left me on a cliff hanger and its killing me LOL. I definitely don't think she is someone who sleeps with a lot of dudes or w/e. Oh you sweet summer child.
LOL
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On July 19 2014 01:33 c0ldfusion wrote:
Hey this may be a silly question as this thread is generally focused on getting a girl be attracted to you. What are some general hints in the inverse situation? What if you feel like a girl is trying to seduce you, especially if it's in a subtle way? If you just address it immediately she can just play it off and you'll look bad. How do you avoid looking like a jerk in this situation?
It's very hard to make sweeping generalizations, as not all women (or men) necessarily act the same or do the same things when trying to flirt... but the one thing I've (anecdotally) always found consistent from women is that if they make physical contact with you when it's not particularly necessary (e.g., playful arm-touching when you guys are laughing together), then they're probably interested in you.
You certainly don't have to call her out on flirting/ liking you the second you become suspicious of it; play it out a little bit further and keep doing what you're doing and keep looking at her responses and reactions. If she likes you, then she's sure to drop more than one hint over time.
And even if you're not sure, you can still ask her for her phone number or ask her out on a date as the night ends. You don't need to be 100% certain that she's into you. Worst-case scenario, she says No. Best-case scenario... whatever you're looking for
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On July 19 2014 01:33 c0ldfusion wrote:
Hey this may be a silly question as this thread is generally focused on getting a girl be attracted to you. What are some general hints in the inverse situation? What if you feel like a girl is trying to seduce you, especially if it's in a subtle way? If you just address it immediately she can just play it off and you'll look bad. How do you avoid looking like a jerk in this situation?
If there is one thing I learned in 10+ years of dating its that trying to use some kind of "checklist" to see if a girl likes you is completely useless and pointless. Everything a girl (and guys for that matter) does can have infinite amount of reasons. Does she laugh at all your stupid jokes? Maybe she just wants to be friendly. Does she always/often touch you when you are talking? Maybe that's just a habit she got from her family or w/e. The point is, usually its better to go with your gut, and have some guts.
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EPT
