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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On July 19 2014 21:15 B.I.G. wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 01:33 c0ldfusion wrote:
Hey this may be a silly question as this thread is generally focused on getting a girl be attracted to you. What are some general hints in the inverse situation? What if you feel like a girl is trying to seduce you, especially if it's in a subtle way? If you just address it immediately she can just play it off and you'll look bad. How do you avoid looking like a jerk in this situation? If there is one thing I learned in 10+ years of dating its that trying to use some kind of "checklist" to see if a girl likes you is completely useless and pointless. Everything a girl (and guys for that matter) does can have infinite amount of reasons. Does she laugh at all your stupid jokes? Maybe she just wants to be friendly. Does she always/often touch you when you are talking? Maybe that's just a habit she got from her family or w/e. The point is, usually its better to go with your gut, and have some guts.
I found that there are some telltale signs.
Is she always glued to her phone when around you but take ages to reply? She's not interested.
Is she irritable and reluctant to have physical contact? She's probably banging or about to bang another guy.
Is she knuckles deep in your bum? She probably wants to keep you around by doing weird sex stuff.
Is she always silent and reserved around you? You're probably not doing your best to make her feel good about herself.
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^Idk man.
There are some girls with inflated self esteem that if you ABSOLUTELY want to continue courting with her, you must have some sort of test for her to past and you really have to criticize her for her weaknesses and finally bringing her ego down to a realistic level.
Other times, the girl might have low self-esteem and you want her to participate with you on some wild activities, then you actually need to bring her ego up to the appropriate level.
Its all about getting the girl follow you emotionally and not the other way around where you get sucked into her frame.
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On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach.
You can walk up to her poke her in the shoulder and be like: Can I have your number? (She doesn't know you emotionally yet!)
Please do not do that!
What you need to do is play the game!
Have a conversation with her or at least try to have a conversation! Break the ice tell her something like hey so and so I heard you were an ass-hole. She could be like who said that? And you just go from there say nobody I just wanted your attention, to talk to you, just get creative.
If you have not interacted with her at all you will seem like a creeper and a jerk and you will turn out to be the bad guy in this situation. So talk to her have a pleasant conversation be playful joke maybe. Stretch it out for a few days, you know before the job ends. Don't force conversation if she's not interested but you can ask her straight up what she's into and listen carefully, take hints, and play the game here! You should be learning her personality quickly and know what to say next, and be able to relate. Next comes asking hey (Girls name) heard you were into (insert topic/activity) I'm doing it later wanna come? Remember that you can ask or demand/command them. Based on my joking personality sometimes I do tell girls to shut up and come I know you're not doing anything! Then again in a joking manner.
Be careful some girls like to run their mouths a lot so do not be a push over but do not come on too strong depending on the person. You are basically easing your way into their comfort zone  .
Depending on your nature you decide how to ask for her number by asking for however you see fit. Again get creative!
I find that with most leaving some very open to whatever possibilities works best to always leave them guessing.
So like saying we'll go somewhere later and she asks what? Depending on the girl I may say like it's surprise but that's too cliche instead I leave them guessing oh don't worry somewhere and smile leaving her guessing about the location.
I don't know what it is but it does something to their brain and they tend to get all excited.
Finally I forget who the guy was but I read his stuff and yes if she is glued to her phone texting and stuff most likely trying bang another guy or asking girlfriends to get her out of the situation
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On July 19 2014 21:30 Xiphos wrote:
^Idk man.
There are some girls with inflated self esteem that if you ABSOLUTELY want to continue courting with her, you must have some sort of test for her to past and you really have to criticize her for her weaknesses and finally bringing her ego down to a realistic level.
Other times, the girl might have low self-esteem and you want her to participate with you on some wild activities, then you actually need to bring her ego up to the appropriate level.
Its all about getting the girl follow you emotionally and not the other way around where you get sucked into her frame.
Exactly as you say comfort zones pretty much. Just ease your way into hers after that you really can do some terrible damage to the so called brain psychologically speaking.
EDIT: Sorry for the double post I just got back onto TL and finally learned again how to quote multiple people.
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On July 19 2014 21:15 B.I.G. wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 01:33 c0ldfusion wrote:
Hey this may be a silly question as this thread is generally focused on getting a girl be attracted to you. What are some general hints in the inverse situation? What if you feel like a girl is trying to seduce you, especially if it's in a subtle way? If you just address it immediately she can just play it off and you'll look bad. How do you avoid looking like a jerk in this situation? If there is one thing I learned in 10+ years of dating its that trying to use some kind of "checklist" to see if a girl likes you is completely useless and pointless. Everything a girl (and guys for that matter) does can have infinite amount of reasons. Does she laugh at all your stupid jokes? Maybe she just wants to be friendly. Does she always/often touch you when you are talking? Maybe that's just a habit she got from her family or w/e. The point is, usually its better to go with your gut, and have some guts.
This is not a response to your post in particular but rather all to the responses to coldfusion's question: am I the only one who interpreted the question the other way? I thought he was asking "girl x likes me, how do I let her down without being too assuming/ a jerk".
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On July 19 2014 20:29 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 17:16 Doodsmack wrote:On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think? I think it will be lost personally, i feel like with some girls if you dont give it to them on the first date you will never get it barring intervention by god or something. But i think if shes motioning you over you should have hugged her and maybe when you backed up/parted whatever and your arms are still around her just like look into her eyes; you can tell alot as to if she wants to kiss or not just by doing that tbh. But pls post an update to this if/when she texts you(or doesnt) this one has left me on a cliff hanger and its killing me LOL. On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think? I think it will be lost personally, i feel like with some girls if you dont give it to them on the first date you will never get it barring intervention by god or something. But i think if shes motioning you over you should have hugged her and maybe when you backed up/parted whatever and your arms are still around her just like look into her eyes; you can tell alot as to if she wants to kiss or not just by doing that tbh. But pls post an update to this if/when she texts you(or doesnt) this one has left me on a cliff hanger and its killing me LOL. I definitely don't think she is someone who sleeps with a lot of dudes or w/e. Oh you sweet summer child.
Idk I mean what she said wAs that she had turned down the tinder guys who just wanted a random hookup. It was like one of her early tinder questions cuz she wanted me ti not be looking for a random hookup. And she was talking about how she doesn't give it up right away cuz she doesn't want just a hookup. My take was that she's the type who's on tinder but wary about it because if the hookup reputation.
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On July 19 2014 21:15 B.I.G. wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 01:33 c0ldfusion wrote:
Hey this may be a silly question as this thread is generally focused on getting a girl be attracted to you. What are some general hints in the inverse situation? What if you feel like a girl is trying to seduce you, especially if it's in a subtle way? If you just address it immediately she can just play it off and you'll look bad. How do you avoid looking like a jerk in this situation? If there is one thing I learned in 10+ years of dating its that trying to use some kind of "checklist" to see if a girl likes you is completely useless and pointless. Everything a girl (and guys for that matter) does can have infinite amount of reasons. Does she laugh at all your stupid jokes? Maybe she just wants to be friendly. Does she always/often touch you when you are talking? Maybe that's just a habit she got from her family or w/e. The point is, usually its better to go with your gut, and have some guts.
Instincts are cool and all, but they're not reliable. Strong mindsets and frames are. If I'm trying to seduce a woman every single thing she does gets interpreted as trying to seduce me.
She's touchy? Obviously into me. She's not touchy? Obviously into me but too shy to show.
She's focused on her phone? Obviously into me but super unsure/shy. She's focused on me totally? Obviously into me, maybe too much already. It's the kind of mindset that allows you to be confident and outcome independent no matter what's going on. And that in return makes you attractive.
The important part is to never believe your own lies and use your brain combined with some social intelligence to differentiate a strong framing like this from just looking like a stupid uncalibrated asshole. Add some playfulness and success rates skyrocket. Build a world women (and people in general) want to come into. Build upon rules and values other people miss in their lives. Drag them into it and enjoy the ride together.
That in a nutshell is the difference between seeing an opportunity and seizing it and just being someone who seems to have opportunities no matter what he does.
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On July 20 2014 01:48 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 21:15 B.I.G. wrote:On July 19 2014 01:33 c0ldfusion wrote:
Hey this may be a silly question as this thread is generally focused on getting a girl be attracted to you. What are some general hints in the inverse situation? What if you feel like a girl is trying to seduce you, especially if it's in a subtle way? If you just address it immediately she can just play it off and you'll look bad. How do you avoid looking like a jerk in this situation? If there is one thing I learned in 10+ years of dating its that trying to use some kind of "checklist" to see if a girl likes you is completely useless and pointless. Everything a girl (and guys for that matter) does can have infinite amount of reasons. Does she laugh at all your stupid jokes? Maybe she just wants to be friendly. Does she always/often touch you when you are talking? Maybe that's just a habit she got from her family or w/e. The point is, usually its better to go with your gut, and have some guts. Instincts are cool and all, but they're not reliable. Strong mindsets and frames are. If I'm trying to seduce a woman every single thing she does gets interpreted as trying to seduce me. She's touchy? Obviously into me. She's not touchy? Obviously into me but too shy to show. She's focused on her phone? Obviously into me but super unsure/shy. She's focused on me totally? Obviously into me, maybe too much already. It's the kind of mindset that allows you to be confident and outcome independent no matter what's going on. And that in return makes you attractive. The important part is to never believe your own lies and use your brain combined with some social intelligence to differentiate a strong framing like this from just looking like a stupid uncalibrated asshole. Add some playfulness and success rates skyrocket. Build a world women (and people in general) want to come into. Build upon rules and values other people miss in their lives. Drag them into it and enjoy the ride together. That in a nutshell is the difference between seeing an opportunity and seizing it and just being someone who seems to have opportunities no matter what he does.
I agree with your mind set. My post was only meant to point out that looking for ao called tell tale signs before making a move is a waste of time.
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I've actually got quite a few likes on Tinder, i messaged most of them(aka all of them) but got no responses, most of their things have last login as a couple days before i messaged them though.
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ive got no matches on tinder at all 
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On July 19 2014 17:16 Doodsmack wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think? I think it will be lost personally, i feel like with some girls if you dont give it to them on the first date you will never get it barring intervention by god or something. But i think if shes motioning you over you should have hugged her and maybe when you backed up/parted whatever and your arms are still around her just like look into her eyes; you can tell alot as to if she wants to kiss or not just by doing that tbh. But pls post an update to this if/when she texts you(or doesnt) this one has left me on a cliff hanger and its killing me LOL. Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think? I think it will be lost personally, i feel like with some girls if you dont give it to them on the first date you will never get it barring intervention by god or something. But i think if shes motioning you over you should have hugged her and maybe when you backed up/parted whatever and your arms are still around her just like look into her eyes; you can tell alot as to if she wants to kiss or not just by doing that tbh. But pls post an update to this if/when she texts you(or doesnt) this one has left me on a cliff hanger and its killing me LOL. Thanks everyone for the great advice. I rolled the dice today and sent her another text against all advice lol. This was because we had already been texting every day, and even during the date talked about texting the next day. She responded pretty quickly, went back and forth for 2 or 3 texts, now she hasn't responded again. The last text I sent was about whether I had countered her assumption that I just wanted to get in her pants. So I was thinking maybe she didn't respond to that, and my text last night, because she wants to get off the subject, but that could be over-thinking it. I definitely don't think she is someone who sleeps with a lot of dudes or w/e. She said she got out of a 3 yr relationship 6 months ago, and that she is "enjoying being single", but the tinder guys just want a "booty call". So I was confused what "enjoying being single" means other than booty calls. I was thinking I'd text again on Sunday. But maybe I could tomorrow too. I do regret not walking her to her car and going for the kiss. But, it shouldn't really matter. My hope right now is that she just wants me to chase her a bit and keep texting. She's playin dem games . Tonight I went out with another girl for a 2nd date. We came back to my place, talked for a while, then made out. She had plans to go to a friend's so she left soon after that. Very soon after she texted me saying she had a good time, and we talked about hanging out soon. I mentioned me going out to her neighborhood. She replied "wow all the way out here huh? You must like me." I responded that I wouldn't wanna take things too fast but yes, I do like her. Her reply was to claim she was "just giving me a hard time" . Maybe that could actually be true, what do you think? I'm 90% sure we will hookup next date. My real challenge right now in dating is to mature emotionally, and be able to not get worked up about first dates. I have different mental blocks and anxieties going on, both during and after dates, that really are powerful that I need to get rid of. For example, I worry constantly during a date about how it's going and whether I'm doing the right thing at that second. I also have a negative mentality that I'm going to be inadequate and awkward and she's going to reject me. It's quite a thing. I can try to tell myself to get over these things, but I have a feeling it will only come with time and more dates. I think I have the potential through tinder to go on as many dates as I want. Right now it can be significantly anxiety-inducing (this also has to do with mental health but we won't go there) to have too many dates in sequence I think. Tomorrow night I have 2 potential first date hookups. One would be dippin down the barrel though. Hopefully I will have the resolve not to do that, knowing that I would probably regret it .
Texted this girl again and today and responded for a couple texts then when I asked about going to dinner at a specific place and time, no response again. I'm going to wait a day or two and text again. Seems like some weird games she's playing I guess, unless I'm reading too much into this text pattern. Do you guys think it's a reasonable theory that she wants me to keep texting her, to "chase" her, and maybe apologize?
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On July 21 2014 05:36 Doodsmack wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 17:16 Doodsmack wrote:On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think? I think it will be lost personally, i feel like with some girls if you dont give it to them on the first date you will never get it barring intervention by god or something. But i think if shes motioning you over you should have hugged her and maybe when you backed up/parted whatever and your arms are still around her just like look into her eyes; you can tell alot as to if she wants to kiss or not just by doing that tbh. But pls post an update to this if/when she texts you(or doesnt) this one has left me on a cliff hanger and its killing me LOL. On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think? I think it will be lost personally, i feel like with some girls if you dont give it to them on the first date you will never get it barring intervention by god or something. But i think if shes motioning you over you should have hugged her and maybe when you backed up/parted whatever and your arms are still around her just like look into her eyes; you can tell alot as to if she wants to kiss or not just by doing that tbh. But pls post an update to this if/when she texts you(or doesnt) this one has left me on a cliff hanger and its killing me LOL. Thanks everyone for the great advice. I rolled the dice today and sent her another text against all advice lol. This was because we had already been texting every day, and even during the date talked about texting the next day. She responded pretty quickly, went back and forth for 2 or 3 texts, now she hasn't responded again. The last text I sent was about whether I had countered her assumption that I just wanted to get in her pants. So I was thinking maybe she didn't respond to that, and my text last night, because she wants to get off the subject, but that could be over-thinking it. I definitely don't think she is someone who sleeps with a lot of dudes or w/e. She said she got out of a 3 yr relationship 6 months ago, and that she is "enjoying being single", but the tinder guys just want a "booty call". So I was confused what "enjoying being single" means other than booty calls. I was thinking I'd text again on Sunday. But maybe I could tomorrow too. I do regret not walking her to her car and going for the kiss. But, it shouldn't really matter. My hope right now is that she just wants me to chase her a bit and keep texting. She's playin dem games . Tonight I went out with another girl for a 2nd date. We came back to my place, talked for a while, then made out. She had plans to go to a friend's so she left soon after that. Very soon after she texted me saying she had a good time, and we talked about hanging out soon. I mentioned me going out to her neighborhood. She replied "wow all the way out here huh? You must like me." I responded that I wouldn't wanna take things too fast but yes, I do like her. Her reply was to claim she was "just giving me a hard time" . Maybe that could actually be true, what do you think? I'm 90% sure we will hookup next date. My real challenge right now in dating is to mature emotionally, and be able to not get worked up about first dates. I have different mental blocks and anxieties going on, both during and after dates, that really are powerful that I need to get rid of. For example, I worry constantly during a date about how it's going and whether I'm doing the right thing at that second. I also have a negative mentality that I'm going to be inadequate and awkward and she's going to reject me. It's quite a thing. I can try to tell myself to get over these things, but I have a feeling it will only come with time and more dates. I think I have the potential through tinder to go on as many dates as I want. Right now it can be significantly anxiety-inducing (this also has to do with mental health but we won't go there) to have too many dates in sequence I think. Tomorrow night I have 2 potential first date hookups. One would be dippin down the barrel though. Hopefully I will have the resolve not to do that, knowing that I would probably regret it . Texted this girl again and today and responded for a couple texts then when I asked about going to dinner at a specific place and time, no response again. I'm going to wait a day or two and text again. Seems like some weird games she's playing I guess, unless I'm reading too much into this text pattern. Do you guys think it's a reasonable theory that she wants me to keep texting her, to "chase" her, and maybe apologize?
just dont text her again and move on, if she wants anything she'll text you in a couple days
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I wouldn't bother with her. If she feels the need to play games, she isn't worth the time as she is neither mature, nor sweet.
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On July 21 2014 05:36 Doodsmack wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2014 17:16 Doodsmack wrote:On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think? I think it will be lost personally, i feel like with some girls if you dont give it to them on the first date you will never get it barring intervention by god or something. But i think if shes motioning you over you should have hugged her and maybe when you backed up/parted whatever and your arms are still around her just like look into her eyes; you can tell alot as to if she wants to kiss or not just by doing that tbh. But pls post an update to this if/when she texts you(or doesnt) this one has left me on a cliff hanger and its killing me LOL. On July 19 2014 07:58 arb wrote:On July 19 2014 06:25 WarSame wrote:
I'd like some advice on asking for a girl's number at work. We work in somewhat separate areas, but I see her fairly often, for short periods of time, working near each other for a bit. While I'm probably going to just walk up to her and ask her for it one day, I was wondering if anyone had a better idea of approach. don't date people you work with. ever. don't shit where you eat On July 18 2014 23:56 Doodsmack wrote:
Went on a date last night with high expectations. Tinder date where we texted a lot beforehand and she seemed to be into me - telling me I was making her laugh and that I'm hot. Date goes for 3 hours, a big portion of which we're just straight up sassing each other. It was a subject between us whether I would just try to get in her pants - she had even said before the date that she was tired of tinder guys just trying to get in her pants. So it was part of the sass between us and we were joking about it, she's saying things like yeah you're just like all the other guys you just wanna get in my pants, she's sayin it maybe In a joking sassy way but on the other hand maybe ambiguous, like if I took her literally obviously I would not ask her home that night, but on the other hand I could be the confident aggressive guy and persist through what she's saying. and at one point she thought I was straight up asking her to go home with me after the date. I said something that I meant as a joke but maybe wasn't smart to say, I said "oh well you have to work early so j guess you can't come home with me?"
Now I'm agonizing over whether I didn't finish right. As we were walking out I asked her if she was parked in the garage, and I could be wrong but I thought for a second I caught fleeting excitement on her face that I had asked that question. We're walking in he direction of the garage and I pull up, since I would be walking home he other direction. I'm saying something like do you want to hang out again, and she turns around and takes a couple steps backwards towards the garage as she's answering, as if to signal to me to walk her to her car. I even caught that in the moment, but was still undecided because I thought she didn't want me to try to get her to come home with me, and that I would be better off just playing it conservative and hugging. So we hugged and the goodbye was pretty brief.
Should I have walked to her car and made out, or asked for a ride home, or done that and even asked her to come inside?
EDIT: I texted her afterwards last night and she has not responded. I am
Interpreting this as a rejection (and very disappointed about it) and dying to just text and ask if I
Should have done something differently/can she give me general advice for dating (because I also know I did some things wrong like say negative Nancy things). What do you think? I think it will be lost personally, i feel like with some girls if you dont give it to them on the first date you will never get it barring intervention by god or something. But i think if shes motioning you over you should have hugged her and maybe when you backed up/parted whatever and your arms are still around her just like look into her eyes; you can tell alot as to if she wants to kiss or not just by doing that tbh. But pls post an update to this if/when she texts you(or doesnt) this one has left me on a cliff hanger and its killing me LOL. Thanks everyone for the great advice. I rolled the dice today and sent her another text against all advice lol. This was because we had already been texting every day, and even during the date talked about texting the next day. She responded pretty quickly, went back and forth for 2 or 3 texts, now she hasn't responded again. The last text I sent was about whether I had countered her assumption that I just wanted to get in her pants. So I was thinking maybe she didn't respond to that, and my text last night, because she wants to get off the subject, but that could be over-thinking it. I definitely don't think she is someone who sleeps with a lot of dudes or w/e. She said she got out of a 3 yr relationship 6 months ago, and that she is "enjoying being single", but the tinder guys just want a "booty call". So I was confused what "enjoying being single" means other than booty calls. I was thinking I'd text again on Sunday. But maybe I could tomorrow too. I do regret not walking her to her car and going for the kiss. But, it shouldn't really matter. My hope right now is that she just wants me to chase her a bit and keep texting. She's playin dem games . Tonight I went out with another girl for a 2nd date. We came back to my place, talked for a while, then made out. She had plans to go to a friend's so she left soon after that. Very soon after she texted me saying she had a good time, and we talked about hanging out soon. I mentioned me going out to her neighborhood. She replied "wow all the way out here huh? You must like me." I responded that I wouldn't wanna take things too fast but yes, I do like her. Her reply was to claim she was "just giving me a hard time" . Maybe that could actually be true, what do you think? I'm 90% sure we will hookup next date. My real challenge right now in dating is to mature emotionally, and be able to not get worked up about first dates. I have different mental blocks and anxieties going on, both during and after dates, that really are powerful that I need to get rid of. For example, I worry constantly during a date about how it's going and whether I'm doing the right thing at that second. I also have a negative mentality that I'm going to be inadequate and awkward and she's going to reject me. It's quite a thing. I can try to tell myself to get over these things, but I have a feeling it will only come with time and more dates. I think I have the potential through tinder to go on as many dates as I want. Right now it can be significantly anxiety-inducing (this also has to do with mental health but we won't go there) to have too many dates in sequence I think. Tomorrow night I have 2 potential first date hookups. One would be dippin down the barrel though. Hopefully I will have the resolve not to do that, knowing that I would probably regret it . Texted this girl again and today and responded for a couple texts then when I asked about going to dinner at a specific place and time, no response again. I'm going to wait a day or two and text again. Seems like some weird games she's playing I guess, unless I'm reading too much into this text pattern. Do you guys think it's a reasonable theory that she wants me to keep texting her, to "chase" her, and maybe apologize?
Leave her alone lost cause she is now! If she replies leave it up to her, but most definitely move on.
For some girls they don't necessarily know what they want in life, she is either one of them or she knows that or (A) she does not want you, like you enough, find you interesting, finds you unattractive, or basically you don't meet her needs (Money wealth etc. because it can go on.). (B) Take your pick. I hope you do not take this the wrong way no matter how harsh these words sound when you read them, but leave her alone not worth it. What she is doing is most certainly ignoring you and will be telling her friends about your texts. Should you see her again make sure the fact that she ignored you does not and did not bother you whatsoever. So basically pretend nothing happened try to suck it up and move on but do not forget that feeling.
The next time should you see her in the future you can either pay her no attention or at least not too much as this will frustrate her depending how secure she is herself. I'm not saying that you should come off as a big shot but pretty much let her know things are great with your life. After your chance meeting you should either hear from her again or not. If you do she's most likely desperate for attention. Here is where you can do whatever you like (IMO).
Most women will tell you to get over things they've done as if it was nothing. When they actually cannot get over things you do to them themselves. If she says she wants a nice guy she is lying and that is your clue. If you have a Girl-friend you can pound her with questions and she must be a friend talk to her and see if you can get a handle on the constant game that is going on. It will help in future relationships.
I can say more but please Doodsmack leave her alone you asked her to answer a question and she never responded. That should be your answer. Whenever someone cannot answer for something they've done it's either they claim no responsibility or are not accountable for anything. They can be dangerous to mess with.
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I figured all the advice here would be to move on from her lol. And I probably sound like I'm latching onto a girl after just one date. But, I can honestly say I'm not attached to her in a big way. I'm okay with her not responding after I text again. There was just something about our date and her that for some sick reason, I wanna play her game and send one more text.
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On July 21 2014 08:04 Doodsmack wrote:
I figured all the advice here would be to move on from her lol. And I probably sound like I'm latching onto a girl after just one date. But, I can honestly say I'm not attached to her in a big way. I'm okay with her not responding after I text again. There was just something about our date and her that for some sick reason, I wanna play her game and send one more text.
Don't trust your feelings in dating. You should do what you think is right, not what you feel is right.
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On July 21 2014 08:04 Doodsmack wrote:
I figured all the advice here would be to move on from her lol. And I probably sound like I'm latching onto a girl after just one date. But, I can honestly say I'm not attached to her in a big way. I'm okay with her not responding after I text again. There was just something about our date and her that for some sick reason, I wanna play her game and send one more text.
you probably arent playing a game like youre thinking shes just ignoring you and not going to give you time of day again
if you fuck up something like that on the first date you will like i said earlier barring intervention from god/being luckiest man alive never get a second chance to do it.
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@Doodsmack:
I highly suggest you to take word from Grumbels, Golem72, and arb to heart. They are extremely red pill (see Matrix for reference).
That's how girls in the western civilization are (North Americans/countries with Anglo-Saxon influences), if you display one tiny bit of desperation, it all over. You got to act cool with her nearly 100% of the time. If you don't, then you will just be placed on her list of "guys that I can use to cry on shoulders and give me free stuff with when a the cool boyfriend of mine stop giving me attention".
Don't.Be.That.Guy!
Just because she is a girl, it doesn't mean that you have to be her slave.
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On July 21 2014 09:59 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On July 21 2014 08:04 Doodsmack wrote:
I figured all the advice here would be to move on from her lol. And I probably sound like I'm latching onto a girl after just one date. But, I can honestly say I'm not attached to her in a big way. I'm okay with her not responding after I text again. There was just something about our date and her that for some sick reason, I wanna play her game and send one more text. you probably arent playing a game like youre thinking shes just ignoring you and not going to give you time of day again if you fuck up something like that on the first date you will like i said earlier barring intervention from god/being luckiest man alive never get a second chance to do it.
When you say fucked up are you saying the way I finished the date?
I textd her again and she replied saying she doesn't know if she sees it going anywhere. I am glad a got a final word. I do understand all this stuff about coming off as needy and normally I assure you I never text again after a date if she doesn't respond. I did with her because of the way she was responding and then not responding. In general I doubt she saw it as out of the ordinary that I was texting considering that I was saying conversational stuff until the end, and before the date, we had been texting a good amount every day.
Idk I kind of wanted to try this and see what happened. As for whether me texting caused her to reject me, well, it seemed like a last ditch effort considering she was not responding anyway. Either I could just not hear from her again or I could say something and see what happens.
But I do appreciate everyone's advice. This date was an interesting experience I have to say.
I asked her whether she would give me some thoughts on why she didn't want to pursue, and that she wouldn't offend me. I would be really curious to hear a girl's answer to this after a failed date.
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On July 21 2014 10:54 Doodsmack wrote:Show nested quote +On July 21 2014 09:59 arb wrote:On July 21 2014 08:04 Doodsmack wrote:
I figured all the advice here would be to move on from her lol. And I probably sound like I'm latching onto a girl after just one date. But, I can honestly say I'm not attached to her in a big way. I'm okay with her not responding after I text again. There was just something about our date and her that for some sick reason, I wanna play her game and send one more text. you probably arent playing a game like youre thinking shes just ignoring you and not going to give you time of day again if you fuck up something like that on the first date you will like i said earlier barring intervention from god/being luckiest man alive never get a second chance to do it. When you say fucked up are you saying the way I finished the date? I textd her again and she replied saying she doesn't know if she sees it going anywhere. I am glad a got a final word. I do understand all this stuff about coming off as needy and normally I assure you I never text again after a date if she doesn't respond. I did with her because of the way she was responding and then not responding. In general I doubt she saw it as out of the ordinary that I was texting considering that I was saying conversational stuff until the end, and before the date, we had been texting a good amount every day. Idk I kind of wanted to try this and see what happened. As for whether me texting caused her to reject me, well, it seemed like a last ditch effort considering she was not responding anyway. Either I could just not hear from her again or I could say something and see what happens. But I do appreciate everyone's advice. This date was an interesting experience I have to say. I asked her whether she would give me some thoughts on why she didn't want to pursue, and that she wouldn't offend me. I would be really curious to hear a girl's answer to this after a failed date.
Okay she motioned for you to come over to her car, yeah? Asking to take you home blah blah blah(aka she wants to fuck) You didnt kiss her, you didnt even make a move like that
and from personal experience(it actually took me a few times to figure it out) if you do not make some kind of move with a girl who is clearly into you on the first date then she will drop you for someone with a set of balls who will actually make a move on her and not be a vagina about it.
Next time when its clear she wants something like that just do it, or as my father told me "A piece you never get is a piece you'll always regret".
tl;dr dont be a girl and just go for it, especially if youve already been talking about one night stands and shit and you met her ON A SITE USED FOR THAT PURPOSE.
also don't believe 99% of girls who say they dont put out on the first date/aren't looking for it but still are talking about it etc.
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EPT
