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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
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3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On June 14 2014 09:28 MaestroSC wrote:Show nested quote +On June 14 2014 05:40 Beastgief wrote:
Currently dating a girl I'm not attracted to, but the sex is great and she takes good care of me. Recently broke up with a legit 9/10, but she ended up breaking my heart, and I wanted a change of pace.
I feel kind of bad for who I'm with now. Like she's a good person and I care about her, but there is no passion on my end, which is different from my most recent relationship in which I was head over heels in love. Am I using her? I kind of enjoy how care free I can be around her, and I won't get jealous or anything, and won't become obsessive, but I still kind of see this as a temporary thing to boost my confidence and self esteem until I'm ready to move on.
I feel like such a pos... she really likes me too and I really don't want to end up hurting her. ur going to hurt her. she is going to think you are an asshole. Just got out of relationship with a girl who was a solid 9..but she was fucking crazy. Has daddy issues. Falls in love too fast... basically within a month she was "in love" and i told her we needed to break up as i wasnt where she was with it all emotionally... and I turned her down for sex, because i legitimately care about her as a person...and then told her later i turned down the sex because i knew she felt more than i did... she still called me an asshole who only used her for her amazing breasts... they were amazing tho. also I get the whole petite thing... all of my serious relationships are girls with: Dark hair, glasses, and a teeny tiny petite frame. Last girl was the most hourglass figure ive ever met, Great breasts, great ass... but she was into fake tanning and hair dyeing/extensions..when i prefer em more...natural looking. you like what you like. Its not any more shallow than dudes who like big fat chicks.
I think the first girl i was legitly in love with basically molded all my views on women. Usually short, dark black/brown hair/glasses is usually my thing lolol. They are instantly more attractive with one of the features above
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that awkward/amazing moment when your (diagnosed crazy) ex, who you work with, sees the hickey on your neck from the new girl, then gives you a high five, then proceeds to pout about how horny she is.
considering the girl I'm seeing now is way more affectionate/attractive/kind/good in bed than the previous, I'm quite satisfied with leaving my former girlfriend frustrated...
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On June 14 2014 09:28 MaestroSC wrote:Show nested quote +On June 14 2014 05:40 Beastgief wrote:
Currently dating a girl I'm not attracted to, but the sex is great and she takes good care of me. Recently broke up with a legit 9/10, but she ended up breaking my heart, and I wanted a change of pace.
I feel kind of bad for who I'm with now. Like she's a good person and I care about her, but there is no passion on my end, which is different from my most recent relationship in which I was head over heels in love. Am I using her? I kind of enjoy how care free I can be around her, and I won't get jealous or anything, and won't become obsessive, but I still kind of see this as a temporary thing to boost my confidence and self esteem until I'm ready to move on.
I feel like such a pos... she really likes me too and I really don't want to end up hurting her. ur going to hurt her. she is going to think you are an asshole. Just got out of relationship with a girl who was a solid 9..but she was fucking crazy. Has daddy issues. Falls in love too fast... basically within a month she was "in love" and i told her we needed to break up as i wasnt where she was with it all emotionally... and I turned her down for sex, because i legitimately care about her as a person...and then told her later i turned down the sex because i knew she felt more than i did... she still called me an asshole who only used her for her amazing breasts... they were amazing tho. also I get the whole petite thing... all of my serious relationships are girls with: Dark hair, glasses, and a teeny tiny petite frame. Last girl was the most hourglass figure ive ever met, Great breasts, great ass... but she was into fake tanning and hair dyeing/extensions..when i prefer em more...natural looking. you like what you like. Its not any more shallow than dudes who like big fat chicks. It almost appears simple when viewed retrospectively (or it's not you). You know there's a deal breaker, but everything else screams to keep what's good going on. You know with the emotions involved, it won't be an easy break, nor should it be. Collateral damage to friends. Perhaps nobody will know deep down you care about her as a person (you're just that asshole that led her on and left her heartbroke!). Still gotta do it.
Side Note: Ditto on the tanning & hair dyeing that "looks it."
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On June 14 2014 19:04 Titusmaster6 wrote:
Where do you work?
I work in a restaurant/bar. the bar factor means it becomes a shit show with the employees after we close. I keep my cool. the rest of them... not so much.
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Four weeks ago I tried to kiss my co-worker because I felt that she was interested in me. Some of you might remember the (long) story. She refused and from that point on I terminated our contact.
This friday I saw her for the first time since four weeks and guess what? She asked me whether I had some time because she wants to explain this situation to me, hopes that I´m not angry with her and also added that I was right when I assumed that she was interested. Since talking about such things is pretty pointless (imo) I said that I´m fine and don´t feel that it´s necessary to talk. Later on she grabbed me from behind and kissed my neck. Then I left.
Yesterday she gave me a massage, started cuddling multiple times, ran her finger through my hair and asked whether she was allowed to give me a kiss on my scrag aaaannnndddd ... after multiple attempts to kiss me, we made out (no sex but lots of kissing).
I´m pretty confused right now.
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For a few days my friends have been telling me one of my ex's best friend is interested in me.
I've always thought dating your ex's friends was a scumbag thing to do but she's been dating another dude for a couple months and we're on rather good terms.
What does TL think about this? >_>
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Go for it 100%. Don't deny yourself potential happiness because you want to be overly considerate to someone who has obviously moved on. IMO you are not even close to crossing any ethical boundaries here.
Also, I think that the only acceptable reply of your ex would be her complete and uncompromising support (if you are indeed on good terms). If she doesn't want you to date her friend for any other reason than your best interest she is being selfish and you should go ahead anyway.
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On June 16 2014 02:08 SwEEt[TearS] wrote:
For a few days my friends have been telling me one of my ex's best friend is interested in me.
I've always thought dating your ex's friends was a scumbag thing to do but she's been dating another dude for a couple months and we're on rather good terms.
What does TL think about this? >_>
I think one of the big problems with dating an Ex's friend is that you'll likely see each other (and your new partners) at social events.
This almost always causes drama. I don't think you have to worry about any ethical boundaries, but you may want to consider the social aspects of spending time so close to your former. Also there are likely to be jealousy issues if you get along too well with your ex.
Finally there is a good chance every dirty little secret will coincidentally slip out of your ex's mouth in earshot of your new interest.
If those things don't cause any worry you are either ignorant, or in the clear haha.
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On June 16 2014 00:38 JoeCool wrote:
Four weeks ago I tried to kiss my co-worker because I felt that she was interested in me. Some of you might remember the (long) story. She refused and from that point on I terminated our contact.
This friday I saw her for the first time since four weeks and guess what? She asked me whether I had some time because she wants to explain this situation to me, hopes that I´m not angry with her and also added that I was right when I assumed that she was interested. Since talking about such things is pretty pointless (imo) I said that I´m fine and don´t feel that it´s necessary to talk. Later on she grabbed me from behind and kissed my neck. Then I left.
Yesterday she gave me a massage, started cuddling multiple times, ran her finger through my hair and asked whether she was allowed to give me a kiss on my scrag aaaannnndddd ... after multiple attempts to kiss me, we made out (no sex but lots of kissing).
I´m pretty confused right now.
...you would be a lot less confused if you had actually let her tell you what was going on... that's not exactly rocket science.
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On June 16 2014 07:14 Belisarius wrote:Show nested quote +On June 16 2014 00:38 JoeCool wrote:
Four weeks ago I tried to kiss my co-worker because I felt that she was interested in me. Some of you might remember the (long) story. She refused and from that point on I terminated our contact.
This friday I saw her for the first time since four weeks and guess what? She asked me whether I had some time because she wants to explain this situation to me, hopes that I´m not angry with her and also added that I was right when I assumed that she was interested. Since talking about such things is pretty pointless (imo) I said that I´m fine and don´t feel that it´s necessary to talk. Later on she grabbed me from behind and kissed my neck. Then I left.
Yesterday she gave me a massage, started cuddling multiple times, ran her finger through my hair and asked whether she was allowed to give me a kiss on my scrag aaaannnndddd ... after multiple attempts to kiss me, we made out (no sex but lots of kissing).
I´m pretty confused right now. ...you would be a lot less confused if you had actually let her tell you what was going on... that's not exactly rocket science.
EXACTLY! Somehow she was interested in you in the past but couldn't act on it or wasn't prepared for it. Now she's still interested but now can handle things and wants more. Just ask her what she wanted to explain that one time and just move on and continue on with how things are going.
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I've been working with this girl for like 2 years but we've just recently started talking the past 3-4 months. Every time we go out and have a few drinks(with other friends as well) she'll be really flirty with me and we've made out a few times but never wants to go all the way or even foreplay. I know alcohol is what does it because I've tried making an advance on her sober and she didn't want any of it. So I'm pretty sure all she wants is attention really(or she doesn't want to go further because we work together but I find that less likely.)
So my question to you guys is would you keep going out with her knowing you'll get a little something and hurt your chances trying to get with someone else or just not invite her sometimes or at all anymore? She's come out with us like 6 times now.
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On June 16 2014 10:25 nakedsurfer wrote:
I've been working with this girl for like 2 years but we've just recently started talking the past 3-4 months. Every time we go out and have a few drinks(with other friends as well) she'll be really flirty with me and we've made out a few times but never wants to go all the way or even foreplay. I know alcohol is what does it because I've tried making an advance on her sober and she didn't want any of it. So I'm pretty sure all she wants is attention really(or she doesn't want to go further because we work together but I find that less likely.)
So my question to you guys is would you keep going out with her knowing you'll get a little something and hurt your chances trying to get with someone else or just not invite her sometimes or at all anymore? She's come out with us like 6 times now.
if you arent getting anywhere bring another bitch when she comes, that'll drive her crazy
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On June 16 2014 11:16 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On June 16 2014 10:25 nakedsurfer wrote:
I've been working with this girl for like 2 years but we've just recently started talking the past 3-4 months. Every time we go out and have a few drinks(with other friends as well) she'll be really flirty with me and we've made out a few times but never wants to go all the way or even foreplay. I know alcohol is what does it because I've tried making an advance on her sober and she didn't want any of it. So I'm pretty sure all she wants is attention really(or she doesn't want to go further because we work together but I find that less likely.)
So my question to you guys is would you keep going out with her knowing you'll get a little something and hurt your chances trying to get with someone else or just not invite her sometimes or at all anymore? She's come out with us like 6 times now.
if you arent getting anywhere bring another bitch when she comes, that'll drive her crazy
+1
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You could probably have just said "bring another woman" instead of sounding like a dickhead baffoon.
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On June 16 2014 12:08 farvacola wrote:
You could probably have just said "bring another woman" instead of sounding like a dickhead baffoon.
just being honest
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On June 16 2014 10:25 nakedsurfer wrote:
I've been working with this girl for like 2 years but we've just recently started talking the past 3-4 months. Every time we go out and have a few drinks(with other friends as well) she'll be really flirty with me and we've made out a few times but never wants to go all the way or even foreplay. I know alcohol is what does it because I've tried making an advance on her sober and she didn't want any of it. So I'm pretty sure all she wants is attention really(or she doesn't want to go further because we work together but I find that less likely.)
So my question to you guys is would you keep going out with her knowing you'll get a little something and hurt your chances trying to get with someone else or just not invite her sometimes or at all anymore? She's come out with us like 6 times now.
Verbalize it, be honest about your concerns and figure out what she's afraid of, she's obviously attracted. "Bring another girl into the mix" is a terrible advice without knowing more about the situation since it's very well possible that you're giving off some form of "player vibe" and she's just unsure about how you'll handle her when the whole thing progresses.
The issue is somewhere in the comfort area, figuring out where exactly is hard based on what you told us so far.
e: Wait a second. "She's come out with us like 6 times now." - you're not seeing her alone?
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On June 16 2014 13:45 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On June 16 2014 10:25 nakedsurfer wrote:
I've been working with this girl for like 2 years but we've just recently started talking the past 3-4 months. Every time we go out and have a few drinks(with other friends as well) she'll be really flirty with me and we've made out a few times but never wants to go all the way or even foreplay. I know alcohol is what does it because I've tried making an advance on her sober and she didn't want any of it. So I'm pretty sure all she wants is attention really(or she doesn't want to go further because we work together but I find that less likely.)
So my question to you guys is would you keep going out with her knowing you'll get a little something and hurt your chances trying to get with someone else or just not invite her sometimes or at all anymore? She's come out with us like 6 times now.
Verbalize it, be honest about your concerns and figure out what she's afraid of, she's obviously attracted. "Bring another girl into the mix" is a terrible advice without knowing more about the situation since it's very well possible that you're giving off some form of "player vibe" and she's just unsure about how you'll handle her when the whole thing progresses. The issue is somewhere in the comfort area, figuring out where exactly is hard based on what you told us so far. e: Wait a second. "She's come out with us like 6 times now." - you're not seeing her alone?
they running a train on that bitch and you arent invited
choo choo
User was warned for this post
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On June 16 2014 14:12 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On June 16 2014 13:45 r.Evo wrote:On June 16 2014 10:25 nakedsurfer wrote:
I've been working with this girl for like 2 years but we've just recently started talking the past 3-4 months. Every time we go out and have a few drinks(with other friends as well) she'll be really flirty with me and we've made out a few times but never wants to go all the way or even foreplay. I know alcohol is what does it because I've tried making an advance on her sober and she didn't want any of it. So I'm pretty sure all she wants is attention really(or she doesn't want to go further because we work together but I find that less likely.)
So my question to you guys is would you keep going out with her knowing you'll get a little something and hurt your chances trying to get with someone else or just not invite her sometimes or at all anymore? She's come out with us like 6 times now.
Verbalize it, be honest about your concerns and figure out what she's afraid of, she's obviously attracted. "Bring another girl into the mix" is a terrible advice without knowing more about the situation since it's very well possible that you're giving off some form of "player vibe" and she's just unsure about how you'll handle her when the whole thing progresses. The issue is somewhere in the comfort area, figuring out where exactly is hard based on what you told us so far. e: Wait a second. "She's come out with us like 6 times now." - you're not seeing her alone? they running a train on that bitch and you arent invited choo choo
Oh god that made me laugh out loud pretty good.
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On June 16 2014 10:25 nakedsurfer wrote:
I've been working with this girl for like 2 years but we've just recently started talking the past 3-4 months. Every time we go out and have a few drinks(with other friends as well) she'll be really flirty with me and we've made out a few times but never wants to go all the way or even foreplay. I know alcohol is what does it because I've tried making an advance on her sober and she didn't want any of it. So I'm pretty sure all she wants is attention really(or she doesn't want to go further because we work together but I find that less likely.)
So my question to you guys is would you keep going out with her knowing you'll get a little something and hurt your chances trying to get with someone else or just not invite her sometimes or at all anymore? She's come out with us like 6 times now.
How does not wanting to have sex imply that all she just wants is attention?
To me if she's only getting with you drunk it appears that its really hard for her to stop thinking so much and get comfortable.
For a lot of girls this kind of stuff can make them feel very vulnerable, the chase is often the only thing the girl can be sure of that will give them power in a relationship. Giving up this power is not an easy thing for them to do especially if they really like or are invested in the person.
Your desperation is also a bit of a concern. Why is it such a big deal to you that you have sex? If she knows that you want sex with her that badly, she's going to keep it from you because she likes the power.
Often a girl needs to have complete trust in the guy to know that you won't blow her off after you've had sex. This is however, extremely hard to do after a certain point in time. The faster you move, the easier it is because she's less invested and therefore less worried about getting hurt. If she likes where you're at right now, she doesn't want to risk the change.
If you can't get her comfortable then be prepared that this may end up not going the way you want it to. Be humbled by the fact that she likes you, but you may not have the ability to build the dumb amounts of trust required to get her to open up and therefore this will just be a big learning experience for you.
Realise that the more comfortable you are with each other, the rush caused by anxiety may also diminish, and she may confuse this as a lack of attraction and decide to be friends. You have to get her to be comfortable with being really vulnerable while still being attracted to you.
This is really hard and almost nobody gets this right away, you will probably make mistakes, and unfortunately for you this is kind of what she is looking for. She wants to keep sex as far away from you as possible, see you fall flat on your face as many times as possible until she knows who you really are.
If you're really worried about this going not the way you intended, this may already be holding you back. Power in a relationship belongs to the one that cares the least.
I really have no solid advice for you, but I just wanted to clear up the fact that not having sex doesn't mean she doesn't like you, sometimes it can mean the exact opposite.
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EPT
