EPTAs long as you don't show the "I want to kiss you but am to afraid too do it" stance, if she was ok for a first date kiss, she most likely will be ok for a second date anyway, won't she ?
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 484
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Cynry
810 Posts
As long as you don't show the "I want to kiss you but am to afraid too do it" stance, if she was ok for a first date kiss, she most likely will be ok for a second date anyway, won't she ? | ||
dravernor
Netherlands6190 Posts
On June 06 2014 18:31 Cynry wrote: Just theorycrafting, but does it matter from the girl POV ? As long as you don't show the "I want to kiss you but am to afraid to do it" stance, if she was ok for a first date kiss, she most likely will be ok for a second date anyway, won't she ? I would say so, yeah. I don't know. Varies from girl to girl I suppose.  | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18125 Posts
Why would we weep? I for one am happy it worked out for him, but the next time someone comes here in a similar situation, I'll still tell them it's a bad idea, if the goal is to "get with the girl". | ||
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arb
Noobville17921 Posts
On June 06 2014 15:42 LeeDawg wrote: I had a very, very, good first date today with a girl I met online. The area I live is a bunch of cities all considered part of the same 'region' and she lives in a city somewhat far from the one I live in. I had to wake up a few hours earlier than I normally do and drive a half hour to meet her up there. She and I had texted a bit in the prior days, and had a full conversation in Spanish, a language she is fluent in and I know a decent amount in, and had a lot of common interests, so I had high hopes, but I know enough not to have any expectations. I don't know the city she lives in for shit, so I got a bit lost trying to find the place we were to meet, but I found it eventually. At first it was awkward since she was kind of quiet, but I had kind of high hopes, so I persisted. We had lunch, and then walked to the nearby park where we sat and watched the ducks in the pond for an hour or so. Conversation was good and, like I said, we had a good deal in common. It was really nice. I had a feeling she wanted me to make a move, but I have a policy against kissing people I just met, so I didn't. I wanted to stay a while longer, but I had to go to work, sadly, so we made plans to get together 'soon' so I can cook dinner for her (cooking is my passion) and we're going to watch princess bride, a mutual favorite movie. I texted her a little while ago to confirm that we can do it monday, and she seemed really excited. Sealed the deal with a bit of a corny joke. She wanted me to make thai food for her, since she's never had it. I called the potential date "Princess Thai'd." Puns are my specialty. I'm quite excited about all this, but doing my absolute best to stay realistic. good luck friend | ||
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Grobyc
Canada18410 Posts
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farvacola
United States18839 Posts
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Titusmaster6
United States5937 Posts
On June 06 2014 22:42 Grobyc wrote: Man I had the most embarassing/humiliating moment of my life last night with this girl and she took it so well (thank fucking god). I don't think I've ever felt like such shit before. Makes me want to drink myself to sleep, but I'm also very hungover so yeah... Not going into detail, sorry, but I just wanted to share this somewhere, been eating me up inside all day :S I feel like you haven't shared anything Xp | ||
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Grobyc
Canada18410 Posts
On June 06 2014 22:54 farvacola wrote: Sounds like boner or poop problems. Yeah... let's just say I probably drank a bit too much and my dick wasn't performing how I wanted. In all seriousness though, it really sucks. Maximum embarrassment. I've never been so disappointed in myself and I'm having a hard time shaking it off. | ||
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dravernor
Netherlands6190 Posts
On June 06 2014 23:26 Grobyc wrote: Yeah... let's just say I probably drank a bit too much and my dick wasn't performing how I wanted. In all seriousness though, it really sucks. Maximum embarrassment. I've never been so disappointed in myself and I'm having a hard time shaking it off. My one friend had this problem at the start of a threesome. He said it was the most frustrating night of his life. | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
On June 06 2014 23:26 Grobyc wrote: Yeah... let's just say I probably drank a bit too much and my dick wasn't performing how I wanted. In all seriousness though, it really sucks. Maximum embarrassment. I've never been so disappointed in myself and I'm having a hard time shaking it off. Hard time eh. You always have a mouth and two hands. And there's the next morning! | ||
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LeeDawg
United States1306 Posts
On June 06 2014 17:04 IgnE wrote: I dunno. People who have a policy about not kissing on the first date sound like the kind of people who make up fake policies so that they don't have to be uncomfortable. Do I kiss her or don't I? Well I don't have to worry about that since I have a policy on it. Not necessarily on the first date, but I don't like making moves with someone I literally just met. I've done it before, and every time it lead to failure. policy may be a strong word, but either way I don't like to do it. | ||
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LeLfe
France3160 Posts
On June 06 2014 23:41 r.Evo wrote: Hard time eh. You always have a mouth and two hands. And there's the next morning! not hard enough apparently! (sorry had to) | ||
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dravernor
Netherlands6190 Posts
When I was 16 I met this amazing guy in boarding school. He and I became best friends. We spent all our lunch hours together, all our free periods. We would play games, help each other with homework, even make plans to see each other over the weekend. At the time I met him, he had just started dating a girl from another school. I remember being slightly upset about this at first because I started developing a crush on him. He and I spoke about it, and he admitted to liking me too, but he wanted to give his new relationship a chance. We continued to hang out. He eventually left school and went to do an apprenticeship down south. He and I emailed every day. We flirted, we shared, we joked. We sometimes even skyped. I gave up my lunch hours to write him emails. His girlfriend was my age and was still at school. They dated long distance, he came back once every few months and they spent his holiday together. Eventually I moved down south for uni too, and she moved up north. He and I still messaged every day. We still flirted, and talked about 'maybe one day'. I started dating, but I never forgot him. He was very much a part of my life, I kept wondering what it would be like to kiss him. I made it my mission that one day, ONE DAY I would kiss him. That was all I wanted. I vividly remember one night, we were at a party together. He wanted to show me a car that had parked at the end of the lane, so we walked down the road in the dark together, giving each other piggybacks, laughing, making stupid jokes about the potholes. And I remember he stopped and scooped me up in his arms, looking deep into my eyes by the light of the moon, and he pressed his nose against mine, our lips centimetres apart. And he told me he would always remember this moment. He finished his apprenticeship and moved back home to take up a job as an aviation engineer and pilot. I came home for my holidays and his girlfriend came home for hers at a different time of year. During the holidays he would spend time with both of us. My family loved him and often encouraged me to invite him for dinner or to family functions. When he did visit, 99% of the time his girlfriend would call and ask where he was and he would tell her the truth, and she would get upset and leave shortly after to appease her. She didn't like me. I initially tried my best to get on with her, but she didn't seem to have any personality at all. She just patiently sat around and watched us all have fun, didn't interact with us, didn't join in on conversation etc. SHE DIDN'T EVEN TRY. Eventually she stopped coming, and she stopped allowing him to come. She imposed rules on him - he could only see me if she was around. She was away at uni one year, and I was home on holiday. I invited him over for dinner. We talked (about his failing long distance relationship and his girlfriend's jealousy issues, about her inconsistency with him and how she was slowly draining him of the man he used to be) and we agreed that there was still a chance for him and me in the future, that maybe after all this we would be together. We laughed and joked, even played Worms Armageddon on our laptops. Watched TV, flirted, had a drink. My parents went to bed. We went swimming. We kissed. In that moment, my wish was fulfilled. I was satisfied. I glowed. I was happy to let him get on with his life, and I think he was happy to let me get on with mine. We talked slightly less over the next year or two, but still monthly at least. His girlfriend finished uni and moved back, she moved in with him. His brother told me how much his family hated the girlfriend and how much he wished I would date him instead. My family compared all my boyfriends to him. His friends begged me to take her place, she wouldn't let him go to social events with them anymore either. They said he was the wonderful man I knew him as when they were at work, but a completely different guy when 'that bitch' was around. He told me he loved me. Our talking monthly became an odd message once every few months, and then hardly ever. He told his girlfriend about me, and she imposed further restrictions, he wasn't allowed to message me, and she checked his phone daily. He once stopped by my house on the way back from work (he left early and my house is on the way) and she caught him. She phoned while he was at my house, and he admitted he was with me. He left instantly, with her in tears on the phone. He hadn't even been there five minutes. It has been 5 months since I heard from him, and I had a dream about him earlier this week, the first in years. I decided to message him, and with his reply came the hope that maybe one day there would be the chance. We messaged daily this week, while he was at work, clearing his messages before he got home, even though they were entirely innocent. His girlfriend just posted this on Facebook today. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States45074 Posts
If this current guy is willing to cheat on his significant other, I'd be really wary about getting into an official relationship with him. Hopefully you find another guy as good as him, but able to commit to you  | ||
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PIJAMA
Brazil137 Posts
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Snotling
Germany885 Posts
On June 07 2014 01:04 dravernor wrote: Okay, time to vent a little. When I was 16 I met this amazing guy in boarding school. He and I became best friends. We spent all our lunch hours together, all our free periods. We would play games, help each other with homework, even make plans to see each other over the weekend. At the time I met him, he had just started dating a girl from another school. I remember being slightly upset about this at first because I started developing a crush on him. He and I spoke about it, and he admitted to liking me too, but he wanted to give his new relationship a chance. We continued to hang out. He eventually left school and went to do an apprenticeship down south. He and I emailed every day. We flirted, we shared, we joked. We sometimes even skyped. I gave up my lunch hours to write him emails. His girlfriend was my age and was still at school. They dated long distance, he came back once every few months and they spent his holiday together. Eventually I moved down south for uni too, and she moved up north. He and I still messaged every day. We still flirted, and talked about 'maybe one day'. I started dating, but I never forgot him. He was very much a part of my life, I kept wondering what it would be like to kiss him. I made it my mission that one day, ONE DAY I would kiss him. That was all I wanted. I vividly remember one night, we were at a party together. He wanted to show me a car that had parked at the end of the lane, so we walked down the road in the dark together, giving each other piggybacks, laughing, making stupid jokes about the potholes. And I remember he stopped and scooped me up in his arms, looking deep into my eyes by the light of the moon, and he pressed his nose against mine, our lips centimetres apart. And he told me he would always remember this moment. He finished his apprenticeship and moved back home to take up a job as an aviation engineer and pilot. I came home for my holidays and his girlfriend came home for hers at a different time of year. During the holidays he would spend time with both of us. My family loved him and often encouraged me to invite him for dinner or to family functions. When he did visit, 99% of the time his girlfriend would call and ask where he was and he would tell her the truth, and she would get upset and leave shortly after to appease her. She didn't like me. I initially tried my best to get on with her, but she didn't seem to have any personality at all. She just patiently sat around and watched us all have fun, didn't interact with us, didn't join in on conversation etc. SHE DIDN'T EVEN TRY. Eventually she stopped coming, and she stopped allowing him to come. She imposed rules on him - he could only see me if she was around. She was away at uni one year, and I was home on holiday. I invited him over for dinner. We talked (about his failing long distance relationship and his girlfriend's jealousy issues, about her inconsistency with him and how she was slowly draining him of the man he used to be) and we agreed that there was still a chance for him and me in the future, that maybe after all this we would be together. We laughed and joked, even played Worms Armageddon on our laptops. Watched TV, flirted, had a drink. My parents went to bed. We went swimming. We kissed. In that moment, my wish was fulfilled. I was satisfied. I glowed. I was happy to let him get on with his life, and I think he was happy to let me get on with mine. We talked slightly less over the next year or two, but still monthly at least. His girlfriend finished uni and moved back, she moved in with him. His brother told me how much his family hated the girlfriend and how much he wished I would date him instead. My family compared all my boyfriends to him. His friends begged me to take her place, she wouldn't let him go to social events with them anymore either. They said he was the wonderful man I knew him as when they were at work, but a completely different guy when 'that bitch' was around. He told me he loved me. Our talking monthly became an odd message once every few months, and then hardly ever. He told his girlfriend about me, and she imposed further restrictions, he wasn't allowed to message me, and she checked his phone daily. He once stopped by my house on the way back from work (he left early and my house is on the way) and she caught him. She phoned while he was at my house, and he admitted he was with me. He left instantly, with her in tears on the phone. He hadn't even been there five minutes. It has been 5 months since I heard from him, and I had a dream about him earlier this week, the first in years. I decided to message him, and with his reply came the hope that maybe one day there would be the chance. We messaged daily this week, while he was at work, clearing his messages before he got home, even though they were entirely innocent. His girlfriend just posted this on Facebook today. have you ever asked him why he is with her in the first place? she doesnt sound like a lot of fun.... | ||
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dravernor
Netherlands6190 Posts
On June 07 2014 01:19 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: dravernor, reading that was really interesting, because it's from your warm, caring, Notebook-esque perspective, despite the fact that he cheated on his girlfriend with you. You certainly don't sound like a homewrecker lol. I'm glad you had your wish fulfilled, and I hope there's eventually some closure for you, but I'm not particularly surprised that the girlfriend was jealous of you and didn't want him hanging out with you, based on what you said you did with him (e-mail and talk every day, kiss when he's dating her and not you, etc.). If this current guy is willing to cheat on his significant other, I'd be really wary about getting into an official relationship with him. Hopefully you find another guy as good as him, but able to commit to you Thanks I know what you're saying, and I don't blame her for being jealous either, I also acknowledge that what I did was wrong, and I wouldn't like to be in that situation again. For some reason it felt justified though, I didn't feel as guilty as I thought I would have felt, and I think it was because I felt that the kiss was owed to me. I had waited five years for it. She was his first girlfriend too, and the only girl he has ever been with. He assures me I am the only girl he has ever touched besides her, and I believe him. I guess that while I agree with you and can logically understand it, I can't actually identify with her because I have always been extremely relaxed about my boyfriends talking to other women. I don't know if it is just an arrogance/confidence thing on my side, or if I am just mature enough to not let it bother me. But then again, the last few guys I have dated rarely interact with girls.I think the kiss was all the closure I needed really, I honestly felt at peace afterwards, when I had expected myself to want more. I guess maybe what is so sad is that by marrying her he is taking himself away from me forever. Even in a friend capacity. He is someone I thought I knew so well. I've definitely moved on, I just dreaded the day they married because until then there was hope. Edit: @Snotling - he said he loved her and wanted to give her a chance. If he is happy with her then great, but he couldn honestly do so much better. Maybe I just dont know her well enough, but then again, none of the close friends of his have ever seen her interact with anyone or try to get on with us. | ||
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Comeh
United States18919 Posts
On June 07 2014 01:19 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: If this current guy is willing to cheat on his significant other, I'd be really wary about getting into an official relationship with him. Hopefully you find another guy as good as him, but able to commit to you This sounds like something I would echo. On one side, I get where he's coming from; being stuck in a relationship and feeling that it is wrong, but unwilling to hurt the person you are with is really difficult to deal with. On the other, if he were feeling strong enough to take action and kiss another girl, he should have left his current girlfriend. The fact that he proposed to his girlfriend after the fact shows he feels unsure about himself, unsure about his relationship, and sort of trapped enough where every mistake has to be made up with sort of "moving forward with the gf". Sadly, this is kind of something I've seen a lot. Honestly, you probably deserve someone better - someone who can fully devote them self to you. No one deserves being caught in-between. | ||
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maybenexttime
Poland5660 Posts
On June 07 2014 01:52 dravernor wrote: Thanks I know what you're saying, and I don't blame her for being jealous either, I also acknowledge that what I did was wrong, and I wouldn't like to be in that situation again. For some reason it felt justified though, I didn't feel as guilty as I thought I would have felt, and I think it was because I felt that the kiss was owed to me. I had waited five years for it. She was his first girlfriend too, and the only girl he has ever been with. He assures me I am the only girl he has ever touched besides her, and I believe him. I guess that while I agree with you and can logically understand it, I can't actually identify with her because I have always been extremely relaxed about my boyfriends talking to other women. I don't know if it is just an arrogance/confidence thing on my side, or if I am just mature enough to not let it bother me. But then again, the last few guys I have dated rarely interact with girls.I think the kiss was all the closure I needed really, I honestly felt at peace afterwards, when I had expected myself to want more. I guess maybe what is so sad is that by marrying her he is taking himself away from me forever. Even in a friend capacity. He is someone I thought I knew so well. I've definitely moved on, I just dreaded the day they married because until then there was hope. Edit: @Snotling - he said he loved her and wanted to give her a chance. If he is happy with her then great, but he couldn honestly do so much better. Maybe I just dont know her well enough, but then again, none of the close friends of his have ever seen her interact with anyone or try to get on with us. I think the difference might be that those girls were not actively pursuing your boyfriends. Maybe I am mistaken, though. From your post it seems to me like you tried to take him away from her. She definitely got that impression - why are you surprised she did not try to befriend you? I wouldn't take your attempts to befriend her as genuine if I were in her place. | ||
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dravernor
Netherlands6190 Posts
On June 07 2014 02:23 maybenexttime wrote: I think the difference might be that those girls were not actively pursuing your boyfriends. Maybe I am mistaken, though. From your post it seems to me like you tried to take him away from her. She definitely got that impression - why are you surprised she did not try to befriend you? I wouldn't take your attempts to befriend her as genuine if I were in her place. At the time I tried to befriend her I wasn't pursuing him, she didn't even know I liked him. I always invited her over a with a group of friends, friends that he hung out with a lot, that she knew etc. She has never befriended any of his other friends either. I even had a boyfriend at one point (admittedly we only dated two months or so, so it wasn't serious) but she could clearly see I wasn't hitting on him, or giving him special attention etc. She just didn't like the fact that he talked to females aside from his sisters and mother. He explained to her that he and I were just friends, and always had been, and she still acted that way. They have been dating seven years now, we kissed in the fifth year. They have since had two years to patch up their relationship. | ||
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