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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On February 14 2014 12:48 Zooper31 wrote:
Realized I have plans to go to an anime convention on Valentines day without even knowing it.
Hopefully I can meet a cool chick haha. Question, cosplaying help my chances or not? It would involve something big covering my entire head lol. Thinking not, unless it's a particular favorite of said girl.
Not unless you're ugly. Or if them not being into whatever the hell it is that would cover your head is a deal-breaker.
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On February 14 2014 12:21 dekuschrub wrote:
heres a fun one for you guys
So I met this girl because her friend would always bring her when i would hang out with my tutor group. she is basically exactly my type (we are all medical students btw). We all hang out a few times, and we seemed to really get along. I get her number and we start texting. We keep hanging out mainly as a small group (5-6 dinners, a couple parties, a karaoke night) all of which were really fun and I spend most of the time talking to her at the events.
Then there is this little med school dance (basically med school prom). The girl I like asks me to sit by her at the dinner right before. At this point I think I'm totally golden. We pregame and go to dinner and its as usual very fun. After dinner we split up for a bit and I go off and get totally blackout drunk and throw up in my hotel room (none of this she sees or notices my absence). I'm a huge lightweight so fucking sue me
Anyway the next week rolls around and I ask her out (via text because im a fraidy cat). She gives me I WANT TO BE FRIENDS AND I LIKE SOMEONE ELSE response.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME WTF BBQ
anyway.. nothing to do but move on right?
That's a huge turn off. More than getting drunk, probably the fact you didn't do anything within a certain amount of time.
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I dunno, a lot of people try and read into things too much.
Sometimes girls (and guys) are happy to hang out with someone and actively seek their company because they find them funny or entertaining but they just don't have any romantic interest. Maybe she just enjoyed your company and was never after anything else.
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On February 14 2014 15:01 GGTeMpLaR wrote:
what dating
what luck
you're sexy and you know it
dont even lie
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Well, the girl I spent 5 hours with at dinner agreed to another date and then backed out today saying she wasn't "ready for that yet" and she "got a lot of things going on" and "not ready for that now". I understand she's currently preoccupied house hunting, but honestly just tell me no.
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She did.
We have two options here:
1) Take her at face value. Why you didn't do this, I don't know. It is not difficult to understand why she may not be interested in another date because she has helpfully given you some reasons for this: She's got a lot on her plate right now, and she feels like she's not ready for a relationship. Either one of those things are perfectly legitimate reasons to not want to be in a relationship.
2) Assume she is lying about why she is not interested in another date with you. "Why do women lie about these things?!" ask the bewildered hordes.
Well, let's take a look: women are socialized to put other people's, especially men's, comfort and ease before their own. Hurting someone's feelings is not ladylike or polite, we're told when we're young. Later in life, we discover that when you tell a guy something he doesn't want to hear, such as "I'm not interested in dating you," "I would not like to have a drink with you," "I don't want to talk to you here at the bar," "The way you're staring at me makes me uncomfortable," "I would not like to hug you at work so much," etc. etc., sometimes they get really mad. You open yourself up to so much verbal abuse this way! It's scary to watch a dude go from being friendly because he's interested in you to really goddamn mad because you've rejected him. Why not avoid all that by providing a reason that any reasonable person would understand, and, more importantly, assigns no blame and does not insinuate that the man is lacking or undesirable in any way? Everyone wins! These are the survival skills you learn as a young woman in a culture dotted by dudes who lose their shit at you when you say "no" to them.
"But I'm not like that! I wouldn't have gotten mad!" shotcoder cries. How is she to know? You seem like a cool dude, sure, but that's not a great indicator of whether or not someone's awful at handling rejection.
Sorry this one didn't work out. Try again.
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Sometimes it's not even a matter of the guy becoming angry. It's about the guy becoming whiny and starting to argue why she should be dating him. Things like "What's so bad about me ?", "Give me a chance", "But I love you", "I'll never find anyone !", "I'll jump off a roof", "But I've done SO much" and blablabla.
I'd also try to avoid that in her place.
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On February 15 2014 01:43 rezoacken wrote:
Sometimes it's not even a matter of the guy becoming angry. It's about the guy becoming whiny and starting to argue why she should be dating him. Things like "What's so bad about me ?", "Give me a chance", "But I love you", "I'll never find anyone !", "I'll jump off a roof", "But I've done SO much" and blablabla.
I'd also try to avoid that in her place.
Now see, those should normally be thoughts the guy has, if he has them at all - the first thought should just be to move on. If he vocalizes them, then he's got problems and, yeah, I guess I'd step around it too if I could. :p
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Send an anonymous card to a girl who said she wasn't banging anyone but me at the moment. She didn't mention the card, so I take it she's banging someone else and not sure who of us send it to her. Lame.
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On February 15 2014 03:09 SixStrings wrote:
Send an anonymous card to a girl who said she wasn't banging anyone but me at the moment. She didn't mention the card, so I take it she's banging someone else and not sure who of us send it to her. Lame.
Or she thinks it's just a secret admirer and doesn't think it's worth mentioning. This sounds like one of those shit-tests puas always talk about girls doing.
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On February 14 2014 21:11 Calanthe wrote:
She did.
We have two options here:
1) Take her at face value. Why you didn't do this, I don't know. It is not difficult to understand why she may not be interested in another date because she has helpfully given you some reasons for this: She's got a lot on her plate right now, and she feels like she's not ready for a relationship. Either one of those things are perfectly legitimate reasons to not want to be in a relationship.
2) Assume she is lying about why she is not interested in another date with you. "Why do women lie about these things?!" ask the bewildered hordes.
Well, let's take a look: women are socialized to put other people's, especially men's, comfort and ease before their own. Hurting someone's feelings is not ladylike or polite, we're told when we're young. Later in life, we discover that when you tell a guy something he doesn't want to hear, such as "I'm not interested in dating you," "I would not like to have a drink with you," "I don't want to talk to you here at the bar," "The way you're staring at me makes me uncomfortable," "I would not like to hug you at work so much," etc. etc., sometimes they get really mad. You open yourself up to so much verbal abuse this way! It's scary to watch a dude go from being friendly because he's interested in you to really goddamn mad because you've rejected him. Why not avoid all that by providing a reason that any reasonable person would understand, and, more importantly, assigns no blame and does not insinuate that the man is lacking or undesirable in any way? Everyone wins! These are the survival skills you learn as a young woman in a culture dotted by dudes who lose their shit at you when you say "no" to them.
"But I'm not like that! I wouldn't have gotten mad!" shotcoder cries. How is she to know? You seem like a cool dude, sure, but that's not a great indicator of whether or not someone's awful at handling rejection.
Sorry this one didn't work out. Try again.
You assume I got mad at her and cried and whined...I literally told her that was fine and I hope everything works out for her and proceeded to rant post here. 90% of the things I say with the anonymity of the internet I wouldn't say in a real life situation.
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She doesn't assume you did it, she said girls do it to avoid dealing with it just in case you would.
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Netherlands6181 Posts
On February 14 2014 21:11 Calanthe wrote:
She did.
We have two options here:
1) Take her at face value. Why you didn't do this, I don't know. It is not difficult to understand why she may not be interested in another date because she has helpfully given you some reasons for this: She's got a lot on her plate right now, and she feels like she's not ready for a relationship. Either one of those things are perfectly legitimate reasons to not want to be in a relationship.
2) Assume she is lying about why she is not interested in another date with you. "Why do women lie about these things?!" ask the bewildered hordes.
Well, let's take a look: women are socialized to put other people's, especially men's, comfort and ease before their own. Hurting someone's feelings is not ladylike or polite, we're told when we're young. Later in life, we discover that when you tell a guy something he doesn't want to hear, such as "I'm not interested in dating you," "I would not like to have a drink with you," "I don't want to talk to you here at the bar," "The way you're staring at me makes me uncomfortable," "I would not like to hug you at work so much," etc. etc., sometimes they get really mad. You open yourself up to so much verbal abuse this way! It's scary to watch a dude go from being friendly because he's interested in you to really goddamn mad because you've rejected him. Why not avoid all that by providing a reason that any reasonable person would understand, and, more importantly, assigns no blame and does not insinuate that the man is lacking or undesirable in any way? Everyone wins! These are the survival skills you learn as a young woman in a culture dotted by dudes who lose their shit at you when you say "no" to them.
"But I'm not like that! I wouldn't have gotten mad!" shotcoder cries. How is she to know? You seem like a cool dude, sure, but that's not a great indicator of whether or not someone's awful at handling rejection.
Sorry this one didn't work out. Try again.
You totally nailed it! Totally. Also gl with your fiance today! :D
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On February 14 2014 12:21 dekuschrub wrote:
heres a fun one for you guys
So I met this girl because her friend would always bring her when i would hang out with my tutor group. she is basically exactly my type (we are all medical students btw). We all hang out a few times, and we seemed to really get along. I get her number and we start texting. We keep hanging out mainly as a small group (5-6 dinners, a couple parties, a karaoke night) all of which were really fun and I spend most of the time talking to her at the events.
Then there is this little med school dance (basically med school prom). The girl I like asks me to sit by her at the dinner right before. At this point I think I'm totally golden. We pregame and go to dinner and its as usual very fun. After dinner we split up for a bit and I go off and get totally blackout drunk and throw up in my hotel room (none of this she sees or notices my absence). I'm a huge lightweight so fucking sue me
Anyway the next week rolls around and I ask her out (via text because im a fraidy cat). She gives me I WANT TO BE FRIENDS AND I LIKE SOMEONE ELSE response.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME WTF BBQ
anyway.. nothing to do but move on right?
there's your problem. trust me, something I've learned in the last few months with the girl I'm seeing now is that at social events, getting black out drunk, or high as balls, or whatever, is a HUGE turn off. Most people don't want to see a prospective significant other intoxicated to that point. I know I wouldn't.
On February 15 2014 03:09 SixStrings wrote:
Send an anonymous card to a girl who said she wasn't banging anyone but me at the moment. She didn't mention the card, so I take it she's banging someone else and not sure who of us send it to her. Lame.
the fact that sixstrings posted this means that it is either not remotely true, or completely misguided. I'm going with the latter.
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On February 15 2014 03:29 Najda wrote:Show nested quote +On February 15 2014 03:09 SixStrings wrote:
Send an anonymous card to a girl who said she wasn't banging anyone but me at the moment. She didn't mention the card, so I take it she's banging someone else and not sure who of us send it to her. Lame. Or she thinks it's just a secret admirer and doesn't think it's worth mentioning. This sounds like one of those shit-tests puas always talk about girls doing.
I didn't mean it as a test.
On February 15 2014 03:51 LeeDawg wrote:
I'm going with the latter.
Good call. It's completely true, but I'm not sure I'm reading it right.
Man you guys really won't let me forget about that one little screwup of mine...
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On February 15 2014 04:07 SixStrings wrote:
little screwup
yeah that's what it was…
haha, I'm just busting your balls. I work in a kitchen, it's basically a second language to me...
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On February 15 2014 04:07 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On February 15 2014 03:29 Najda wrote:On February 15 2014 03:09 SixStrings wrote:
Send an anonymous card to a girl who said she wasn't banging anyone but me at the moment. She didn't mention the card, so I take it she's banging someone else and not sure who of us send it to her. Lame. Or she thinks it's just a secret admirer and doesn't think it's worth mentioning. This sounds like one of those shit-tests puas always talk about girls doing. I didn't mean it as a test. Good call. It's completely true, but I'm not sure I'm reading it right. Man you guys really won't let me forget about that one little screwup of mine...
If I received an anonymous letter for valentines day, I would be more likely to dismiss it or forget about it than to mention it to my partner unless it had something on there hinting it was from them.
It sounded like you sent the letter to her as a test to see if she was dating anyone else, if you meant it as a sincere gesture then I'm sorry for jumping to that conclusion and I think you are reading too much into it.
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On February 15 2014 04:07 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On February 15 2014 03:29 Najda wrote:On February 15 2014 03:09 SixStrings wrote:
Send an anonymous card to a girl who said she wasn't banging anyone but me at the moment. She didn't mention the card, so I take it she's banging someone else and not sure who of us send it to her. Lame. Or she thinks it's just a secret admirer and doesn't think it's worth mentioning. This sounds like one of those shit-tests puas always talk about girls doing. I didn't mean it as a test. Good call. It's completely true, but I'm not sure I'm reading it right. Man you guys really won't let me forget about that one little screwup of mine...
Which of your multiple screwups are you referring to? I lost count! 
Anyway, in this case: you sent an anonymous card and surprise surprise, she didn't know who it was from! Don't worry. I'm sure the NSA knows and appreciates the gesture 
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Pretty much anytime a girl says "i'm not ready for a relationship right now" mean they're not ready for a relationship.... with you. They're trying to reject you nicely. This happened with some girls I dated, who then ended up getting into a relationship with someone else soon after. No big deal, move on and date other women. Best case scenario, they're not ready for a relationship means they're not quite sure about you. In that situation, if they really do like you, they'll reach out to you. In the meantime, you still wanna date other women, cause its not fair for you to wait around forever.
On February 15 2014 03:09 SixStrings wrote:
Send an anonymous card to a girl who said she wasn't banging anyone but me at the moment. She didn't mention the card, so I take it she's banging someone else and not sure who of us send it to her. Lame.
Why are you playing games? Just ask, hey are you seeing anybody else? If you don't even trust her enough to take her word for it, you probably shouldn't be with her.
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EPT
