EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 407
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland25013 Posts
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
As soon as they find out that playing guitar involves practice they are immediately turned off. | ||
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Kenpachi
United States9908 Posts
What would be really funny if the guy she likes is me cause the guy she likes going to the same school is an assumption lol I tend to misinterpret girl signals so I wonder (meaning I can never tell if they like me or not.. for example I thought my first girlfriend was joking) :s | ||
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HeeroFX
United States2704 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + So I really like this girl. I have known her for a long time. She lives in my home town, but I am not there anymore.I moved for college and pretty much live here, not a big deal she is 2 hours away I have a car. Last fall she broke up with a guy who she was with a long time. I was Mr. Comforting, because I consider her a super close friend. Well I guess they have had this on and off thing going on....the whole time I didn't know, we talked about other things. Anyway I confessed my feelings for her and all of that. She didn't deny me but told me she wasn't in a place to be dating. So I said..well it felt good to get that out there. And now I find out its because of this mother fucker she has been with, and once again she is upset over him. And she comes to me. I comforted her, but this time I was more firm and not as like "it will be ok" more like "wtf you doing he treated you like trash before what do you expect?" before this I spent like $70 to send her flowers on V-day. Maybe as a grand gesture or something. No...I sent them because I love her I really do and I wanted to show her hey someone cares. I feel stupid right now. I don't want to lose the friendship, but I want her heart...I have crushed on her since HS....7 years never thought I would get to know her like I do. I guess what she needs right now is just a friend who gives a damn about her...that's my role. I think there is going to come a point where I either drop her or she figures out I am not that bad of a guy...oh well last semester of college yay! | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
On February 11 2014 11:14 Kenpachi wrote: What would be really funny if the guy she likes is me cause the guy she likes going to the same school is an assumption lol I tend to misinterpret girl signals so I wonder (meaning I can never tell if they like me or not.. for example I thought my first girlfriend was joking) :s There's just too much ifs and assumptions in your story. If you don't have a clear idea of what is going on why not give it a shot. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
On February 11 2014 11:46 HeeroFX wrote: A bit of a rant/advice seeking post. + Show Spoiler + So I really like this girl. I have known her for a long time. She lives in my home town, but I am not there anymore.I moved for college and pretty much live here, not a big deal she is 2 hours away I have a car. Last fall she broke up with a guy who she was with a long time. I was Mr. Comforting, because I consider her a super close friend. Well I guess they have had this on and off thing going on....the whole time I didn't know, we talked about other things. Anyway I confessed my feelings for her and all of that. She didn't deny me but told me she wasn't in a place to be dating. So I said..well it felt good to get that out there. And now I find out its because of this mother fucker she has been with, and once again she is upset over him. And she comes to me. I comforted her, but this time I was more firm and not as like "it will be ok" more like "wtf you doing he treated you like trash before what do you expect?" before this I spent like $70 to send her flowers on V-day. Maybe as a grand gesture or something. No...I sent them because I love her I really do and I wanted to show her hey someone cares. I feel stupid right now. I don't want to lose the friendship, but I want her heart...I have crushed on her since HS....7 years never thought I would get to know her like I do. I guess what she needs right now is just a friend who gives a damn about her...that's my role. I think there is going to come a point where I either drop her or she figures out I am not that bad of a guy...oh well last semester of college yay! People are illogical when it comes to who they like, don't expect to inject reason into it, especially while it's equally unreasonable for you to keep liking this girl after 7 years while living 2 hours away now. The best advice is to just move on, start meeting new girls and give each new girl an honest chance. Once you get to know someone new you won't feel as strongly towards this old girl. | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
On February 11 2014 11:46 HeeroFX wrote: A bit of a rant/advice seeking post. + Show Spoiler + So I really like this girl. I have known her for a long time. She lives in my home town, but I am not there anymore.I moved for college and pretty much live here, not a big deal she is 2 hours away I have a car. Last fall she broke up with a guy who she was with a long time. I was Mr. Comforting, because I consider her a super close friend. Well I guess they have had this on and off thing going on....the whole time I didn't know, we talked about other things. Anyway I confessed my feelings for her and all of that. She didn't deny me but told me she wasn't in a place to be dating. So I said..well it felt good to get that out there. And now I find out its because of this mother fucker she has been with, and once again she is upset over him. And she comes to me. I comforted her, but this time I was more firm and not as like "it will be ok" more like "wtf you doing he treated you like trash before what do you expect?" before this I spent like $70 to send her flowers on V-day. Maybe as a grand gesture or something. No...I sent them because I love her I really do and I wanted to show her hey someone cares. I feel stupid right now. I don't want to lose the friendship, but I want her heart...I have crushed on her since HS....7 years never thought I would get to know her like I do. I guess what she needs right now is just a friend who gives a damn about her...that's my role. I think there is going to come a point where I either drop her or she figures out I am not that bad of a guy...oh well last semester of college yay! I've put in bold the major issues you have going on right now. You put "seeking advice" in your title so sorry if some of it is hard. Consider it as tough love. You're just not "boyfriend material" to her. You're just very deeply in the friend zone, her confident, her psychiatrist, her friend maybe even worse: equivalent to a gay friend, if you don't show any sign of sexuality (to her or with other girls). The crying girl that pour out all her trouble on a listening shoulder and suddenly falls in love with the listener is just a myth. It doesn't even make sense. If you were not interested in a woman but she would be there to listen to your endless rants would it really suddenly make you interested ?! Oh it sometimes happens: as a revenge on the other guy, or as a short bounce with no passion. Then there is another issue, 7 years dude. 7 years is just too much investment. When you invest so much emotion in something for such a long time your body expects a return. Somewhat like the more you think about a new game the more obsessed you become over it. The longer you wait the harder a "no" will hit you. It also makes you less and less willing to take risks. And if you're not taking risks in dating, you're going no where. All this time thinking about someone with no clue of any feelings from her part somehow convinced you that you love her and are willing to wait. This is not how it works. You don't give that much with no interest from the girl part. Love is mutual, not about someone living a purely imaginative life with the other one. I'm pretty sure you already imagined yourself with her doing couple stuff, maybe how the first fight will go and the first time she'll meet your parents and probably like the feeling a lot. But the reality is nothing like that, you're not even at step 0 yet. Now that the coming back to reality is done the advice: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE ! Quick and without looking back. It's going no where and with your definitive lack of experience I can't see this suddenly being turned around. Once that's done you can use other advices found in this thread. Try going out with other girls, meet them through friends, activities, bars... whatever. Hope I wasn't too heart crushing. | ||
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jrkirby
United States1510 Posts
I don't know if I can make anything really work, but here's to giving myself a chance. Last year I got to bang a hot chick around/before valentine's day, but that didn't last very long after she told me she was in love with her boyfriend/exboyfriend/complicated situation. Check out my blog if you want to read that. So maybe this year, I can get what I'm actually looking for: a real, intimate, caring relationship. Wish me luck. | ||
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aksfjh
United States4853 Posts
On February 11 2014 12:05 rezoacken wrote: There's just too much ifs and assumptions in your story. If you don't have a clear idea of what is going on why not give it a shot. Actually, this. If you know she likes the guy at her own school, it's not worth the drama and potential heartache to really go after her. If you're unsure, then there's nothing wrong with scouting it out more and pursuing her for now. Onto my own question. I have a date with a girl for Valentine's, but I'm not sure what we're doing yet. I need some general ideas to make the night more special than any ol' date (better than "dinner and a movie)", but not TOO special since we haven't been together for long. Anybody got any ideas? | ||
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arb
Noobville17921 Posts
On February 11 2014 13:00 jrkirby wrote: So I just asked out this girl who I've been friends with/flirting with for valentines day. She kinda turned me down, texting how about thursday or saturday. So I texted are you interested in being more than friends? She replied with, I don't know what that really means, haven't had a boyfriend, etc. So I suggested we get dinner on thursday and we can talk about it in person. I would've prefered to ask her out in person, but it was looking like I might not see her before friday, and better to text than nothing at all. I don't know if I can make anything really work, but here's to giving myself a chance. Last year I got to bang a hot chick around/before valentine's day, but that didn't last very long after she told me she was in love with her boyfriend/exboyfriend/complicated situation. Check out my blog if you want to read that. So maybe this year, I can get what I'm actually looking for: a real, intimate, caring relationship. Wish me luck. why didnt you jsut agree to thrusday instead of being pushy about it? | ||
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Belisarius
Australia6226 Posts
Sure, he could have just taken thursday and brought it up in person rather than texting, but it's not a terrible idea to clarify beforehand. | ||
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jrkirby
United States1510 Posts
On February 11 2014 16:22 Belisarius wrote: Presumably because her turning him down for valentine's sends a pretty clear signal that they have/had different intentions. Sure, he could have just taken thursday and brought it up in person rather than texting, but it's not a terrible idea to clarify beforehand. Exactly. To be honest, first she suggested we get dinner with her other friends who she often gets dinner with. I said that I was hoping to get dinner with just her. Then she suggested thursday or saturday, and I realized that either she was actually extremely oblivious, or she was just rejecting me without actually explicitly rejecting me. And I'd rather have explicit rejection than implied rejection. I'm sick of being so passive. So I decided I was going to be straight-forward. | ||
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LeeDawg
United States1306 Posts
On February 11 2014 15:47 aksfjh wrote: Actually, this. If you know she likes the guy at her own school, it's not worth the drama and potential heartache to really go after her. If you're unsure, then there's nothing wrong with scouting it out more and pursuing her for now. Onto my own question. I have a date with a girl for Valentine's, but I'm not sure what we're doing yet. I need some general ideas to make the night more special than any ol' date (better than "dinner and a movie)", but not TOO special since we haven't been together for long. Anybody got any ideas? LASER TAG. works like a fucking charm, I promise you | ||
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MightyBill
93 Posts
On February 11 2014 11:46 HeeroFX wrote: A bit of a rant/advice seeking post. + Show Spoiler + So I really like this girl. I have known her for a long time. She lives in my home town, but I am not there anymore.I moved for college and pretty much live here, not a big deal she is 2 hours away I have a car. Last fall she broke up with a guy who she was with a long time. I was Mr. Comforting, because I consider her a super close friend. Well I guess they have had this on and off thing going on....the whole time I didn't know, we talked about other things. Anyway I confessed my feelings for her and all of that. She didn't deny me but told me she wasn't in a place to be dating. So I said..well it felt good to get that out there. And now I find out its because of this mother fucker she has been with, and once again she is upset over him. And she comes to me. I comforted her, but this time I was more firm and not as like "it will be ok" more like "wtf you doing he treated you like trash before what do you expect?" before this I spent like $70 to send her flowers on V-day. Maybe as a grand gesture or something. No...I sent them because I love her I really do and I wanted to show her hey someone cares. I feel stupid right now. I don't want to lose the friendship, but I want her heart...I have crushed on her since HS....7 years never thought I would get to know her like I do. I guess what she needs right now is just a friend who gives a damn about her...that's my role. I think there is going to come a point where I either drop her or she figures out I am not that bad of a guy...oh well last semester of college yay! Being a romantic is awesome, but you have to be able to go all the way. No half-hearted stuff. Which means: In a decision between friendship or love, you have to be able to bet everything on love, which takes serious balls. I wish you luck with your roses  | ||
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MightyBill
93 Posts
On February 11 2014 13:00 jrkirby wrote: So I just asked out this girl who I've been friends with/flirting with for valentines day. She kinda turned me down, texting how about thursday or saturday. So I texted are you interested in being more than friends? She replied with, I don't know what that really means, haven't had a boyfriend, etc. So I suggested we get dinner on thursday and we can talk about it in person. I would've prefered to ask her out in person, but it was looking like I might not see her before friday, and better to text than nothing at all. I don't know if I can make anything really work, but here's to giving myself a chance. Last year I got to bang a hot chick around/before valentine's day, but that didn't last very long after she told me she was in love with her boyfriend/exboyfriend/complicated situation. Check out my blog if you want to read that. So maybe this year, I can get what I'm actually looking for: a real, intimate, caring relationship. Wish me luck. For an intimate real and caring relationship, you have to be really clear about what you want. It's important that you're able to picture-perfect describe your ideal situation, and be able to say what emotions you feel in what situation. If you can't do that straight up, you should just fool around and try shit, but not aim for a real intimate caring relationship. You might find one nonetheless which is bonus, but raising the bar too high will just confuse the shit out of you and your environment as you're probably just going to do shit half-hearted. The fact that you had to text her that you want to be more than friends already indicates that she had no idea that you wanted to be more than friends. You probably should have just kissed her somewhere along the line and see how stuff develops from there. | ||
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Niflheim
United States313 Posts
On February 11 2014 15:47 aksfjh wrote: Onto my own question. I have a date with a girl for Valentine's, but I'm not sure what we're doing yet. I need some general ideas to make the night more special than any ol' date (better than "dinner and a movie)", but not TOO special since we haven't been together for long. Anybody got any ideas? Invite her to your place and cook her something. It gives you all the control. You can make it as intimate as you are comfortable with at that point in your relationship. | ||
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Calanthe
United States141 Posts
 Wine tasting! Rock climbing! Wine tasting, if you're of age! There's alllllways stuff going on for Valentine's Day - check your paper, or better yet, your weekly entertainment rag. | ||
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aksfjh
United States4853 Posts
On February 11 2014 18:17 LeeDawg wrote: LASER TAG. works like a fucking charm, I promise you That's on the right track. Good idea! On February 11 2014 21:51 Niflheim wrote: Invite her to your place and cook her something. It gives you all the control. You can make it as intimate as you are comfortable with at that point in your relationship. I live with 3 other guys in a house, so that actually gives me slightly more control than her. Plus, I don't know if I want to introduce her to all of them that night either. | ||
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aTnClouD
Italy2428 Posts
On February 11 2014 11:46 HeeroFX wrote: A bit of a rant/advice seeking post. + Show Spoiler + So I really like this girl. I have known her for a long time. She lives in my home town, but I am not there anymore.I moved for college and pretty much live here, not a big deal she is 2 hours away I have a car. Last fall she broke up with a guy who she was with a long time. I was Mr. Comforting, because I consider her a super close friend. Well I guess they have had this on and off thing going on....the whole time I didn't know, we talked about other things. Anyway I confessed my feelings for her and all of that. She didn't deny me but told me she wasn't in a place to be dating. So I said..well it felt good to get that out there. And now I find out its because of this mother fucker she has been with, and once again she is upset over him. And she comes to me. I comforted her, but this time I was more firm and not as like "it will be ok" more like "wtf you doing he treated you like trash before what do you expect?" before this I spent like $70 to send her flowers on V-day. Maybe as a grand gesture or something. No...I sent them because I love her I really do and I wanted to show her hey someone cares. I feel stupid right now. I don't want to lose the friendship, but I want her heart...I have crushed on her since HS....7 years never thought I would get to know her like I do. I guess what she needs right now is just a friend who gives a damn about her...that's my role. I think there is going to come a point where I either drop her or she figures out I am not that bad of a guy...oh well last semester of college yay! Beta male behaviour at its finest. All you are to her is the equivalent of a gay friend. Not even close to boyfriend or fuckbuddy material. | ||
dravernor
Netherlands6181 Posts
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