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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
Snotling
Profile Joined August 2011
Germany885 Posts
February 07 2014 12:15 GMT
#8081
On February 07 2014 20:29 Garbels wrote:
It's a typo.


i sure hope so :D
Najda
Profile Joined June 2010
United States3765 Posts
February 07 2014 15:18 GMT
#8082
On February 07 2014 18:15 arb wrote:
Actually I sent a buncha stuff read the guide and dont really understand what i'm doing -_-


You'll learn pretty quick which type of messages get a response. Just think about how you'd react or what you would say back if you were to receive the message. If you send something like "Hey" or "Hey whats up" it's just boring and doesn't open any conversation. If you send something funny or some joke, they've probably heard it already or even if it's funny their reaction might be "haha" but still doesn't open a conversation. So you want to send something that is interesting, personal, and can easily start a conversation. Girls get a ton of messages so the less you require them to invest early on by making the conversation easy for them, the better it will be for you.
ticklishmusic
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
United States15977 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-02-07 16:16:10
February 07 2014 16:15 GMT
#8083
On February 07 2014 19:15 arb wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 07 2014 19:05 ticklishmusic wrote:
I dun goofed.

Girl I've been talking to is leaving to study abroad in Australia. Pretty sure she liked/likes me back, but I didn't add things up till the last minute. Finally vegan to really get the ball rolling, but should have started much sooner. I'm an idiot. If I add any more details, you guys will just call me even more of an idiot.

get in her pants and call it square


That's the thing yo, I'm not that interested in that. She's nice, pretty, blah blah blah we get along and that's all I'm really interested at this point.

On February 07 2014 20:04 Snotling wrote:
You became vegan for a girl you have just been talking too?

that is wrong on so many levels...


Little more than talking in the literal sense

Began, was actually too lazy to correct the typo last night, because when I read it just now I chuckled a bit. Being vegan on this college campus would be impossible anyways, and the one time I was veggie years ago ended with pork chops.
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
QuanticHawk
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
United States32164 Posts
February 07 2014 16:21 GMT
#8084
On February 07 2014 07:18 Najda wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 07 2014 06:55 QuanticHawk wrote:
...that were not rapists?


The discussion was about asking a girl out and receiving mixed signals, it was quite a leap to go from that to rape. In the context what he said was correct, that a perceived no doesn't always mean no and it's better to try your luck and ask her out anyway.

I KNOW IT WAS A BAD JOKE JEEZ
PROFESSIONAL GAMER - SEND ME OFFERS TO JOIN YOUR TEAM - USA USA USA
Najda
Profile Joined June 2010
United States3765 Posts
February 07 2014 17:09 GMT
#8085
On February 08 2014 01:21 QuanticHawk wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 07 2014 07:18 Najda wrote:
On February 07 2014 06:55 QuanticHawk wrote:
...that were not rapists?


The discussion was about asking a girl out and receiving mixed signals, it was quite a leap to go from that to rape. In the context what he said was correct, that a perceived no doesn't always mean no and it's better to try your luck and ask her out anyway.

I KNOW IT WAS A BAD JOKE JEEZ


I figured, but it was more just a response to the discussion that was happening and less directly to you.
chadissilent
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Canada1187 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-02-07 19:31:38
February 07 2014 19:28 GMT
#8086
On February 08 2014 02:09 Najda wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 08 2014 01:21 QuanticHawk wrote:
On February 07 2014 07:18 Najda wrote:
On February 07 2014 06:55 QuanticHawk wrote:
...that were not rapists?


The discussion was about asking a girl out and receiving mixed signals, it was quite a leap to go from that to rape. In the context what he said was correct, that a perceived no doesn't always mean no and it's better to try your luck and ask her out anyway.

I KNOW IT WAS A BAD JOKE JEEZ


I figured, but it was more just a response to the discussion that was happening and less directly to you.

So many people here don't pick up on trolling when it comes to relationship advice
On February 07 2014 16:10 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 07 2014 11:38 chadissilent wrote:
On February 07 2014 07:59 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
Im going karaoke with some friends tomorrow night. Would it be a bad move to invite her to this group thing. Or should i man up an ask her to lunch on monday?

How about you stop being a little bitch and ask her out on ANY KIND OF DATE. By date, I mean one on one, you don't introduce a girl to your friends on the first date.

Jesus christ, have you never had a girlfriend or been laid before? Use some common sense... You're going to end up coming across as super creepy if you keep doing this.

I apologize if this is too harsh, but the last time I've seen someone with such little confidence, this happened:


On February 07 2014 08:05 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
On February 07 2014 07:59 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
Im going karaoke with some friends tomorrow night. Would it be a bad move to invite her to this group thing. Or should i man up an ask her to lunch on monday?

A group thing is a good and casual way to start a relationship/correspondence with someone and it doesn't prevent you from expressing your interest or intentions, there's no reason you can't move from a really comfortable and easy situation like a group social event to a private lunch

This is 100% wrong.


Why is it wrong like how is it impossible to have a friendly correspondence in a comfortable space and then also express your intention to meet in private later or that you have a sexual attraction to somebody what does that have to do with confidence at all? do you think it's some kind of like automatic lock into the imaginary "Friend zone"

Not sure if new to this or just bad at it... When you bring someone out with your friends, you create a comfort zone for you and put even more pressure on her (larger group of complete strangers). Plus, what if it's only one date and she wants nothin to do with you afterwards? Then you get to explain this to your friends every single time you take a girl out and she doesn't call you back.
ZapRoffo
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States5544 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-02-07 20:42:57
February 07 2014 20:41 GMT
#8087
On February 07 2014 16:10 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 07 2014 11:38 chadissilent wrote:
On February 07 2014 07:59 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
Im going karaoke with some friends tomorrow night. Would it be a bad move to invite her to this group thing. Or should i man up an ask her to lunch on monday?

How about you stop being a little bitch and ask her out on ANY KIND OF DATE. By date, I mean one on one, you don't introduce a girl to your friends on the first date.

Jesus christ, have you never had a girlfriend or been laid before? Use some common sense... You're going to end up coming across as super creepy if you keep doing this.

I apologize if this is too harsh, but the last time I've seen someone with such little confidence, this happened:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-kBxbbtYZc

On February 07 2014 08:05 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
On February 07 2014 07:59 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
Im going karaoke with some friends tomorrow night. Would it be a bad move to invite her to this group thing. Or should i man up an ask her to lunch on monday?

A group thing is a good and casual way to start a relationship/correspondence with someone and it doesn't prevent you from expressing your interest or intentions, there's no reason you can't move from a really comfortable and easy situation like a group social event to a private lunch

This is 100% wrong.


Why is it wrong like how is it impossible to have a friendly correspondence in a comfortable space and then also express your intention to meet in private later or that you have a sexual attraction to somebody what does that have to do with confidence at all? do you think it's some kind of like automatic lock into the imaginary "Friend zone"


Most of the arguments in this thread are based on people having different valuations of different things. If you have a binary situation: there's one girl you really like and success is becoming involved/having sex/whatever and failure is anything other than that, different things are good ideas than if you also give value to having a girl end up as part of a group of friends, or if you give low value to succeeding with one kind of girl and high with another, or if amount of fun you had during whatever you do together factors in.

So like, taking a girl out with friends around--it's expressing romantic/sexual intentions less clearly and naturally, and it might make a good portion of potential girls uncomfortable. But some of them will think it's great (mostly the extroverts who love meeting new people) so if you want to select those people, then it's a good idea, although you have to expect it to be successful at getting further dates less often overall. And some will end up making friends (probably a higher chance than if you only go on 1-on-1 dates with someone) and you might or might not value that, and maybe a rare case you have a relationship and someone who really loves and is absorbed into your friends, which might be very high value to you but is also a lot less likely to happen.

A lot of the advice here assumes the objective is maximizing probability of romantic/sexual relationship with any given girl without knowing too much about her, so that's how it should be read unless otherwise noted.
Yeah, well, you know, that's just like, your opinion man
SafeWord
Profile Joined February 2010
United States522 Posts
February 07 2014 21:01 GMT
#8088
On February 08 2014 04:28 chadissilent wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 08 2014 02:09 Najda wrote:
On February 08 2014 01:21 QuanticHawk wrote:
On February 07 2014 07:18 Najda wrote:
On February 07 2014 06:55 QuanticHawk wrote:
...that were not rapists?


The discussion was about asking a girl out and receiving mixed signals, it was quite a leap to go from that to rape. In the context what he said was correct, that a perceived no doesn't always mean no and it's better to try your luck and ask her out anyway.

I KNOW IT WAS A BAD JOKE JEEZ


I figured, but it was more just a response to the discussion that was happening and less directly to you.

So many people here don't pick up on trolling when it comes to relationship advice
Show nested quote +
On February 07 2014 16:10 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
On February 07 2014 11:38 chadissilent wrote:
On February 07 2014 07:59 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
Im going karaoke with some friends tomorrow night. Would it be a bad move to invite her to this group thing. Or should i man up an ask her to lunch on monday?

How about you stop being a little bitch and ask her out on ANY KIND OF DATE. By date, I mean one on one, you don't introduce a girl to your friends on the first date.

Jesus christ, have you never had a girlfriend or been laid before? Use some common sense... You're going to end up coming across as super creepy if you keep doing this.

I apologize if this is too harsh, but the last time I've seen someone with such little confidence, this happened:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-kBxbbtYZc

On February 07 2014 08:05 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
On February 07 2014 07:59 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
Im going karaoke with some friends tomorrow night. Would it be a bad move to invite her to this group thing. Or should i man up an ask her to lunch on monday?

A group thing is a good and casual way to start a relationship/correspondence with someone and it doesn't prevent you from expressing your interest or intentions, there's no reason you can't move from a really comfortable and easy situation like a group social event to a private lunch

This is 100% wrong.


Why is it wrong like how is it impossible to have a friendly correspondence in a comfortable space and then also express your intention to meet in private later or that you have a sexual attraction to somebody what does that have to do with confidence at all? do you think it's some kind of like automatic lock into the imaginary "Friend zone"

Not sure if new to this or just bad at it... When you bring someone out with your friends, you create a comfort zone for you and put even more pressure on her (larger group of complete strangers). Plus, what if it's only one date and she wants nothin to do with you afterwards? Then you get to explain this to your friends every single time you take a girl out and she doesn't call you back.


This not true at all. I have done it quite a bit, all of them have enjoyed it. Usually we setup a date after that. Of course it depends on the type of activity, type of woman and your friends. But to say it is a bad idea is not true at all.

For example me and my friends go to a local bar which always has different craft beers from local breweries on Thursdays. This woman I have been talking to online loved beer so I invited her and she came. My friends are always accepting and hilarious, and she is the kind of woman who can hold her own in social situations (which is a big plus for me). Afterwards walked her to her car chatted, kissed and made plans for our one on one time this weekend.

If your friends know you are single, why does it matter how many girls you bring by them? That is nothing to worry about at all.
Who needs players when you have God?
MightyBill
Profile Joined October 2013
93 Posts
February 07 2014 21:32 GMT
#8089
You let her drive after drinking? Not okay.
phyren
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States1067 Posts
February 07 2014 21:40 GMT
#8090
Most people would find being in a social situation with a group of close knit friends, none of whom you have any connection to, kind of awkward. I would suggest you invite a girl on group events by inviting her AND her friends. That said, it changes the social dynamic somewhat. Many women like to introduce a prospective boyfriend/sexual partner to their friends in order to get their friends opinion as well as see the guy interacting with other women. Inviting her friends helps to give her some comfort, but it also means you should plan to make a good impression on them rather than focus your conversation exclusively on the woman you are interested in.
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland27478 Posts
February 07 2014 22:44 GMT
#8091
On February 08 2014 06:32 MightyBill wrote:
You let her drive after drinking? Not okay.

Really? She could have had 1 or 2 beers over a few hours. I love the way people jump in with 'worst case scenario' judgments all the time. The exception being with SixStrings of course :p
'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
TL+ Member
Dogfoodboy16
Profile Joined October 2013
364 Posts
February 08 2014 07:41 GMT
#8092
I went ahead and bought me and my gf a one hour couples massage package thing for valentines day instead of us going out for dinner since everything is pretty much reserved. Is that going to be enough of a valentines day present? I don't really know XD
Rollin
Profile Joined March 2011
Australia1552 Posts
February 08 2014 07:52 GMT
#8093
On February 08 2014 16:41 Dogfoodboy16 wrote:
I went ahead and bought me and my gf a one hour couples massage package thing for valentines day instead of us going out for dinner since everything is pretty much reserved. Is that going to be enough of a valentines day present? I don't really know XD

Which gf is this? You seem to go through them like toilet paper.
Throw off those chains of reason, and your prison disappears. | Check your posting frequency timeline: http://www.teamliquid.net/mytlnet/post_activity_img.php
Dogfoodboy16
Profile Joined October 2013
364 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-02-08 08:14:40
February 08 2014 08:13 GMT
#8094
On February 08 2014 16:52 Rollin wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 08 2014 16:41 Dogfoodboy16 wrote:
I went ahead and bought me and my gf a one hour couples massage package thing for valentines day instead of us going out for dinner since everything is pretty much reserved. Is that going to be enough of a valentines day present? I don't really know XD

Which gf is this? You seem to go through them like toilet paper.

Ummm no i dont. This is the same girl I have talked about in my last couple posts...I actually care about her
Acrofales
Profile Joined August 2010
Spain18488 Posts
February 08 2014 10:17 GMT
#8095
On February 08 2014 16:41 Dogfoodboy16 wrote:
I went ahead and bought me and my gf a one hour couples massage package thing for valentines day instead of us going out for dinner since everything is pretty much reserved. Is that going to be enough of a valentines day present? I don't really know XD

My official opinion is: fuck the commercialized shit that is valentine's day.

Anyway, the point is to show her you care about her, not about showering her with meaningless gifts. A couples massage thingy sounds like plenty of opportunity to do that, but it's up to you.
Snotling
Profile Joined August 2011
Germany885 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-02-08 12:23:26
February 08 2014 11:56 GMT
#8096
Onlinedating is treating me well lately.

I asked a intersting and good looking girl if she would buy me a lama and an interesting conversation unfolded. After a few messages back and forth i asked her if we could continue the conversation over a cup of coffee. She said yes, but she will be in Leipzig until next sunday. So ill have to wait till then to meet her in person.

I'm continuing the conversation on a slower pace. I dont want so seem uninterrested after i got the date, but i also dont want her to get the impression that i have nothing else to do.

The good thing about Online-Dating is that i can do it from home while studying. Because i don't meet a lot of new girls atm. I do a lot of stuff with other people. Naginata, Kyudo, Fitnessstudio, Hiking, Sklacklining. But the groups im doing it in don't have a huge influx of new people, and of those a lot are men, too old, too young, too not single
Kojak21
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Canada1104 Posts
February 08 2014 16:57 GMT
#8097
On February 08 2014 16:41 Dogfoodboy16 wrote:
I went ahead and bought me and my gf a one hour couples massage package thing for valentines day instead of us going out for dinner since everything is pretty much reserved. Is that going to be enough of a valentines day present? I don't really know XD



That's a good idea ill have to use that sometime
¯\_(☺)_/¯
rezoacken
Profile Joined April 2010
Canada2719 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-02-08 20:14:54
February 08 2014 20:11 GMT
#8098
On February 09 2014 01:57 Kojak21 wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 08 2014 16:41 Dogfoodboy16 wrote:
I went ahead and bought me and my gf a one hour couples massage package thing for valentines day instead of us going out for dinner since everything is pretty much reserved. Is that going to be enough of a valentines day present? I don't really know XD



That's a good idea ill have to use that sometime


Yeah that's what I did lastyear. Bought only one ticket though.
Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.
Najda
Profile Joined June 2010
United States3765 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-02-08 21:35:50
February 08 2014 21:35 GMT
#8099
Do people still bowl? Is that a weird thing to go do as a first date? I'm so bad at coming up with ideas because I never really do anything.
phyren
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States1067 Posts
February 08 2014 22:12 GMT
#8100
Some people are int bowling. I found it is a bit of a stereotype that other cultures seem to have that people in the u.s. all bowl. That said, I'd recommend ice skating.
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