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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On January 24 2014 05:40 white_horse wrote:
What are you supposed to say, and how are you supposed to say things when you are
-talking to a girl
-texting to a girl
-facebook private messaging a girl
in a way that doesn't make you look like a creep? Or am I second guessing myself and the girls are unresponsive because they simply aren't interested in me as a guy? What if I just wanted to be friends?
Don't be a creep and just be yourself 
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On January 24 2014 05:40 white_horse wrote:
What are you supposed to say, and how are you supposed to say things when you are
-talking to a girl
-texting to a girl
-facebook private messaging a girl
in a way that doesn't make you look like a creep? Or am I second guessing myself and the girls are unresponsive because they simply aren't interested in me as a guy? What if I just wanted to be friends?
Say anything you want to say (be yourself) but if you can help it, try to not be too eager. Don't push it. If she doesn't reply for a while there could be a lot of reasons. After a while you could try once or twice more, if she still doesn't reply, move on.
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On a related note: There's a girl I've met a few times because she knows one of my friends and was waiting for a bus near the one we were and came over and talked to us. She hasn't been at the bus at the same time as us in a while. I thought she was cute as hell(physically and personality wise), but didn't say too much to her because I mainly just enjoyed listening to their conversation. So she knows who I am, but we've not talked much. I have her on Facebook, but no communication on there either. It seems to me to be odd just to message her out of the blue, and it's definitely not in my character. However, I would like to start talking to her. If anyone has been in this situation could I get some advice on this? I feel awkward as hell whenever I think of how to start something, but I also want to take a shot at it in some way.
Side note: I'm 20, and this would be pretty much the first time I've actively tried to start something with a lady, so no matter what it'll be awkward. If anyone has advice for handling that, too, that'd be nice haha.
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Why not ask your friend about her? Maybe he could bring you along to some event that she will be at or invite her to an event that you want to go to.
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A large part of why I haven't done that is because he used to like her a lot, and it seemed to me that it would be cruel to do that to him.
EDIT: Unfortunately, I think I lack the tact necessary to ask something like that correctly, as well.
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There's this girl I like, and maybe she likes me too (well, at least she thinks I am "badass"), but she's already got a partner. Also the timing is really shitty even if she didn't have a partner (she's almost ABD). Sucks. I don't even know her that well or see her around that much since she's out of classes, but she's smart and knows a shit ton and has this incredible no-bullshit, confident attitude and bearing. Like usually you think women in academia have it tough and may break, but then you meet her and you think, "Yeahhhhhh, she's not gonna break, lol."
Ugh, too much alcohol. Been like nine, ten years since I've had anything approaching a serious crush, what fuckery is this. Maybe I'm just attracted to confidence since I have so little confidence. I'm 100% sure she knows more about my subject area than I do, and she's not even in my goddamn field. -__-
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Northern Ireland26021 Posts
ABD?
But yeah crushes are a bitch, you can't really overcome them with basic logic. I kind of get where you're coming from, I am no woman-basher, but so many of the ones I encounter are so desperate to fit in, or get approval that meeting a girl who genuinely doesn't give a shit and is forthright becomes incredibly attractive, at least to me.
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On January 24 2014 12:04 Wombat_NI wrote:
ABD?
But yeah crushes are a bitch, you can't really overcome them with basic logic. I kind of get where you're coming from, I am no woman-basher, but so many of the ones I encounter are so desperate to fit in, or get approval that meeting a girl who genuinely doesn't give a shit and is forthright becomes incredibly attractive, at least to me.
Only thing that comes to mind is "as badass" for the meaning of ABD.
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ABD = All but dissertation. Basically, you finish classes, take comps, then submit your dissertation proposal, then you're ABD!
So she's not quite there yet, but she's done with classes and taking her comps soon, though first she has to take her pre-comp Greek exam (dept requirement, she doesn't do Greek stuff at all, so yeah, she's self-studying Greek despite having no interest in it and will probably pass with flying colors).
I admire her bluntness. I mean, most grad students are a bit more politic in how they phrase things, but she makes no effort to hide her opinion of certain scholars/ideas/authors, but it's not just that -- she's actually incredibly witty with her delivery. And yeah, sometimes she makes mistakes and stuff, but she owns up to those too, so it's not like she's arrogant, since she can easily admit when she's wrong. I just think she knows her shit really well and she somehow knows other peoples' shit really well, and even if she doesn't, she still manages to raise good points.
Well, the other reason it wouldn't ever work is she has a dog she loves very much and I am allergic to dogs.
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Northern Ireland26021 Posts
She sounds like a female version of me, albeit one that likes dogs.
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I mean, the first time I saw her was when we went to a costume party at one of my prof's place, and she'd just stuck a baseball cap on her head sideways and declared herself to be Justin Bieber.
Well, I thought she was a cute guy at first, but I've always been into androgyny and what-not, so it is not like this discouraged my brain from liking her. This was actually a few years ago. I guess I already liked her then, just didn't realize it, you know how it goes. I don't see her much anyways, and so it's easy just to push people out of your minds when you only see them a few times.
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On December 11 2013 14:41 ZapRoffo wrote:Show nested quote +On December 01 2013 11:52 ZapRoffo wrote:
Well tomorrow for the first time I'm meeting someone from online where it feels like there's actually potential (we clicked fairly immediately in online conversation) rather than knowing that it's just gonna end up practice, or random socializing, so I'm rather nervous like it's all new. Even though I keep telling myself to not treat it different because I know I show a fairly good self when I'm behaving naturally nowadays. Update from this after a week and a half, we went out a second time to a movie--(arm touching and leaning close/into each other was what happened physically, she was very reactive to the thrilling parts of the movie). She seemed to have a positive reaction to the date afterward overall. The thing is we clicked because we seem to move at the same speed in life and such, but our interests don't really click that much. She's gets into things like movies only emotionally, she thinks Twilight is decent (but not spectacularly good, heh), she really likes shopping--these aren't really the sorts of things I'm really mentally (whole package type) attracted to. But thinking of her physically does turn me on, but then she doesn't seem like the type at all that will go for sex or anything without getting quite emotionally close, and I'm not sure whether I'm down to go there or not. Not really sure how to approach, especially since I don't have opportunities with females just raining down on me.
Update on this: I gave her not enough credit here, I'm quite fond of her now, trying not to think too much and ruin everything. We've been dating a bit, moving pretty slowly but that suits me. So the story is, after a few times hanging out she gave me a "I like you as a friend" thing which sort of reflected my hesitation, but then we went out to the movies again after that, she wanted to cuddle while watching and I guess she was in the process of changing her mind about the friend thing cause then she was like, lets give this thing a go, and it felt right to me. We made out a little last date, and we have good aligning physical chemistry I think. We look very old-fashioned from outside I think, and I'm sure anyone who saw us would be like, awww so cute or something, heh. Especially cause she's not someone most would describe as smoking hot but it's very easy to describe her as very cute (the short woman--under 5 ft.--conundrum).
This song is what I feel like in the days when we don't get to meet up (we have somewhat inconveniently overlapping work schedules so mostly just the weekends are good):
+ Show Spoiler +
Working as both a message to myself and in its main plaintive hope for her.
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On January 24 2014 10:30 WarSame wrote:
On a related note: There's a girl I've met a few times because she knows one of my friends and was waiting for a bus near the one we were and came over and talked to us. She hasn't been at the bus at the same time as us in a while. I thought she was cute as hell(physically and personality wise), but didn't say too much to her because I mainly just enjoyed listening to their conversation. So she knows who I am, but we've not talked much. I have her on Facebook, but no communication on there either. It seems to me to be odd just to message her out of the blue, and it's definitely not in my character. However, I would like to start talking to her. If anyone has been in this situation could I get some advice on this? I feel awkward as hell whenever I think of how to start something, but I also want to take a shot at it in some way.
Side note: I'm 20, and this would be pretty much the first time I've actively tried to start something with a lady, so no matter what it'll be awkward. If anyone has advice for handling that, too, that'd be nice haha.
Just ask your friend if he would be okay with setting you up with her. He's less likely to be opposed to things if you don't go behind his back and try to flirt with her, plus girls aren't very recipient to the random facebook message unless you have a hunch that she likes you.
If you hang out with her in a group obviously go out of your way to talk to her but don't forget about the rest of the group as this could be a turn off for her and piss off your friend. If you had a few decent conversations its now socially acceptable for you to message her on face book and attempt to arrange a date. My suggestion of a first date is drinks a bar/lounge, a little alcohol to make talking easier. Just don't go for lunch, friends go for lunch.
If you get to the point when you hang out with her 1 on 1 just be yourself and ask her questions about herself if conversation starts to run dry. You say you are inexperienced so my advice is try to establish that you are interested in her to avoid the friend zone but dont come on to strong that it seems like you just want action. Maybe some body contact or a kiss on the cheek or forehead after the goodbye hug if things went well. I mean if you have the balls you could go for the kiss gauging her interest in you first.
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Russian Federation1016 Posts
I'm going to visit ISPO in Munich, it is a tourist equipment exhibition. Usually such events are super cool with lots of young fit people having time of their lives. So I'll try to boost my luck there. I hope to use a lot of ridiculously dumb pick-up lines just to hang around.
For example, "If I asked to have sex with me would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
Do you think it'll work?
Edit: you also can send me any line and I promise, I'll use it and later describe the reaction to it.
+ Show Spoiler +Off topic: what does the post "Nuked" mean? Perma ban the troll?
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On January 24 2014 16:32 IAmWithStupid wrote:I'm going to visit ISPO in Munich, it is a tourist equipment exhibition. Usually such events are super cool with lots of young fit people having time of their lives. So I'll try to boost my luck there. I hope to use a lot of ridiculously dumb pick-up lines just to hang around. For example, "If I asked to have sex with me would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?" Do you think it'll work? + Show Spoiler +Off topic: what does the post "Nuked" mean? Perma ban the troll?
IP ban basically. Was a spammer that made an account.
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1019 Posts
On January 24 2014 09:58 Metak wrote:Show nested quote +On January 24 2014 05:40 white_horse wrote:
What are you supposed to say, and how are you supposed to say things when you are
-talking to a girl
-texting to a girl
-facebook private messaging a girl
in a way that doesn't make you look like a creep? Or am I second guessing myself and the girls are unresponsive because they simply aren't interested in me as a guy? What if I just wanted to be friends? Say anything you want to say (be yourself) but if you can help it, try to not be too eager. Don't push it. If she doesn't reply for a while there could be a lot of reasons. After a while you could try once or twice more, if she still doesn't reply, move on.
Yes, I think it is a good idea. To the others who responded to me, no, I'm not asking her creepy questions. I meet girls, I'll add them on facebook, and then send them a private message saying that it was nice meeting them, ask where are they from, etc. Then I usually end the conversation myself after maybe 2 or 3 back and forths?
What am I supposed to do now? Like what you wrote, text her again a few days later again and see her response?
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On January 24 2014 14:42 ZapRoffo wrote:Show nested quote +On December 11 2013 14:41 ZapRoffo wrote:On December 01 2013 11:52 ZapRoffo wrote:
Well tomorrow for the first time I'm meeting someone from online where it feels like there's actually potential (we clicked fairly immediately in online conversation) rather than knowing that it's just gonna end up practice, or random socializing, so I'm rather nervous like it's all new. Even though I keep telling myself to not treat it different because I know I show a fairly good self when I'm behaving naturally nowadays. Update from this after a week and a half, we went out a second time to a movie--(arm touching and leaning close/into each other was what happened physically, she was very reactive to the thrilling parts of the movie). She seemed to have a positive reaction to the date afterward overall. The thing is we clicked because we seem to move at the same speed in life and such, but our interests don't really click that much. She's gets into things like movies only emotionally, she thinks Twilight is decent (but not spectacularly good, heh), she really likes shopping--these aren't really the sorts of things I'm really mentally (whole package type) attracted to. But thinking of her physically does turn me on, but then she doesn't seem like the type at all that will go for sex or anything without getting quite emotionally close, and I'm not sure whether I'm down to go there or not. Not really sure how to approach, especially since I don't have opportunities with females just raining down on me. Update on this: I gave her not enough credit here, I'm quite fond of her now, trying not to think too much and ruin everything. We've been dating a bit, moving pretty slowly but that suits me. So the story is, after a few times hanging out she gave me a "I like you as a friend" thing which sort of reflected my hesitation, but then we went out to the movies again after that, she wanted to cuddle while watching and I guess she was in the process of changing her mind about the friend thing cause then she was like, lets give this thing a go, and it felt right to me. We made out a little last date, and we have good aligning physical chemistry I think. We look very old-fashioned from outside I think, and I'm sure anyone who saw us would be like, awww so cute or something, heh. Especially cause she's not someone most would describe as smoking hot but it's very easy to describe her as very cute (the short woman--under 5 ft.--conundrum). This song is what I feel like in the days when we don't get to meet up (we have somewhat inconveniently overlapping work schedules so mostly just the weekends are good): + Show Spoiler +http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41rkjxZlYwg Working as both a message to myself and in its main plaintive hope for her.
Be very carefull when going for such a girl. She has already mentioned that she see's you as a friend.
Cuddling, kissing etc is a thing which a girl might do just to see whatsup. She might seem into you for a while, but in the meantime would be just waiting for another guy and "settling" with you.
Cute girls are by far the most dangerous since they give you the "Hey, I could marry this girl"-feeling, whilst just leaning you on.
Ofcourse that said, when that is clear just enjoy the time you have with her, however don't fall in love in that case.
The assumptions you make of "lets give this thing a go" might just be "hey, this guy is pretty cute for the time being", so try to be straight forward with your intentions and find out what hers are.
Aside from all this, congrats :D
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On January 24 2014 19:45 white_horse wrote:Show nested quote +On January 24 2014 09:58 Metak wrote:On January 24 2014 05:40 white_horse wrote:
What are you supposed to say, and how are you supposed to say things when you are
-talking to a girl
-texting to a girl
-facebook private messaging a girl
in a way that doesn't make you look like a creep? Or am I second guessing myself and the girls are unresponsive because they simply aren't interested in me as a guy? What if I just wanted to be friends? Say anything you want to say (be yourself) but if you can help it, try to not be too eager. Don't push it. If she doesn't reply for a while there could be a lot of reasons. After a while you could try once or twice more, if she still doesn't reply, move on. Yes, I think it is a good idea. To the others who responded to me, no, I'm not asking her creepy questions. I meet girls, I'll add them on facebook, and then send them a private message saying that it was nice meeting them, ask where are they from, etc. Then I usually end the conversation myself after maybe 2 or 3 back and forths? What am I supposed to do now? Like what you wrote, text her again a few days later again and see her response?
Fuck Facebook seriously.
Skip that step, whenever you meet a girl talk to her then and there and if you're interested get her number or get to know where she'll be in the weekend.
Most guys I know that use facebook to connect to girls like this, either get ignored or friendzoned (like you are, no offense ofcourse!)
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On January 24 2014 16:32 IAmWithStupid wrote:
I'm going to visit ISPO in Munich, it is a tourist equipment exhibition. Usually such events are super cool with lots of young fit people having time of their lives. So I'll try to boost my luck there. I hope to use a lot of ridiculously dumb pick-up lines just to hang around.
For example, "If I asked to have sex with me would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
Do you think it'll work?
Ugh. Can you not? Do this at bars or afterparties if you have to (it's totally tasteless and reeks of "I'm too much of an arrogant fuck to be a normal, decent human being"), don't do this at the exhibition. If you are planning on using these at the exhibition, with any luck, you'll be reported to the organizers, uninvited, then fired from your job.
On January 24 2014 21:05 WonnaPlay wrote:
Be very carefull when going for such a girl. She has already mentioned that she see's you as a friend.
Cuddling, kissing etc is a thing which a girl might do just to see whatsup. She might seem into you for a while, but in the meantime would be just waiting for another guy and "settling" with you.
Cute girls are by far the most dangerous since they give you the "Hey, I could marry this girl"-feeling, whilst just leaning you on.
Ofcourse that said, when that is clear just enjoy the time you have with her, however don't fall in love in that case.
The assumptions you make of "lets give this thing a go" might just be "hey, this guy is pretty cute for the time being", so try to be straight forward with your intentions and find out what hers are.
Aside from all this, congrats :D
Alternately, don't overthink it. Make sure you communicate with the girl you're seeing - that will clear up just about everything. "Hey, you said a while back that you kinda only see me as a friend. Do you still feel that way?"
I'm not sure how old Zap is, but I remember that up until I was like 23, I was really weird about just saying things that I was thinking or feeling. Being very, very honest and open -- and yes, this will totally make you vulnerable, but we're mostly adults here, or just about to be -- with my romantic partners has made an insane difference on the amount of worrying I do. There are no "Does he like me? Does he like it when I do x? If he likes me, does he like me enough to marry me?" worrying sessions where I analyze every sniffle and nut adjustment to try to divine the answers.
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EPT
