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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On December 22 2013 19:05 RoyGBiv_13 wrote: Just got dumped at an ugly sweater party. Not one of the highest points in my life. That's okay. Dogfood will be over any second asking you to a new year's party!
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On December 22 2013 19:05 RoyGBiv_13 wrote: Just got dumped at an ugly sweater party. Not one of the highest points in my life.
Cheers. I quit my job last night. Here's to a happier 2014.
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Moving in with my girlfriend in the beginning of 2014. Gun b awesum.
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On December 23 2013 06:35 Holgerius wrote:Moving in with my girlfriend in the beginning of 2014.  Gun b awesum.
Speaking of moving in, my girlfriend is thinking about moving out of her parents house in the near future and asked me if I would help her with rent. I've been with her for over 2 years now and she isn't the girl that would ask for something unless she genuinely needed it. I really don't have a problem with this since rent is really high in Taipei, I make almost twice the amount she makes and I will probably being staying over often.
Nothing is really set in stone yet, but just wanted to see what you guys thought about the situation.
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I'd move in with her and pay the rent (or most of it) but I wouldn't pay for her own apartment on top of my own.
Can't see why you wouldn't move in with her. Either its serious and you helping her moving out is justified and there is no reason to not live in the same apartment, or it's not serious enough to live together and in this case no way I would pay.
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Finally found the girl i've been looking for. Luckily, she reciprocates the feelings. Hears to my first real girlfriend and a (hopefully) lovely 2014!
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On December 24 2013 16:08 darthfoley wrote: Finally found the girl i've been looking for. Luckily, she reciprocates the feelings. Hears to my first real girlfriend and a (hopefully) lovely 2014!
Good luck!
On December 24 2013 15:22 rkshox wrote:Show nested quote +On December 23 2013 06:35 Holgerius wrote:Moving in with my girlfriend in the beginning of 2014.  Gun b awesum. Speaking of moving in, my girlfriend is thinking about moving out of her parents house in the near future and asked me if I would help her with rent. I've been with her for over 2 years now and she isn't the girl that would ask for something unless she genuinely needed it. I really don't have a problem with this since rent is really high in Taipei, I make almost twice the amount she makes and I will probably being staying over often. Nothing is really set in stone yet, but just wanted to see what you guys thought about the situation.
I agree with rezoacken... is it possible/ appropriate/ plausible for you to move in with her?
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On December 24 2013 15:22 rkshox wrote:Show nested quote +On December 23 2013 06:35 Holgerius wrote:Moving in with my girlfriend in the beginning of 2014.  Gun b awesum. Speaking of moving in, my girlfriend is thinking about moving out of her parents house in the near future and asked me if I would help her with rent. I've been with her for over 2 years now and she isn't the girl that would ask for something unless she genuinely needed it. I really don't have a problem with this since rent is really high in Taipei, I make almost twice the amount she makes and I will probably being staying over often. Nothing is really set in stone yet, but just wanted to see what you guys thought about the situation.
I agree with rezoacken... is it possible/ appropriate/ plausible for you to move in with her? [/QUOTE]
Well, I'm not opposed to me moving in since I think we have made it to that stage in our relationship, however, it would not make too much sense since we are in a long distance relationship. (Sorry I should've mentioned that in my initial post)
I'm working in China and she's in Taiwan. The reason why I am willing to help her pay rent is because I have no expenses since my company pretty much covers everything. However, every two months I get paid time off to visit Taiwan, so that's when I would actually stay with her if she were to move out.
It would be nice for our relationship because she doesn't get too much privacy when we vid chat since her room is like..part of her parent's living room, just walled off =(
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Show nested quote +On December 24 2013 15:22 rkshox wrote:On December 23 2013 06:35 Holgerius wrote:Moving in with my girlfriend in the beginning of 2014.  Gun b awesum. Speaking of moving in, my girlfriend is thinking about moving out of her parents house in the near future and asked me if I would help her with rent. I've been with her for over 2 years now and she isn't the girl that would ask for something unless she genuinely needed it. I really don't have a problem with this since rent is really high in Taipei, I make almost twice the amount she makes and I will probably being staying over often. Nothing is really set in stone yet, but just wanted to see what you guys thought about the situation. I agree with rezoacken... is it possible/ appropriate/ plausible for you to move in with her? Well, I'm not opposed to me moving in since I think we have made it to that stage in our relationship, however, it would not make too much sense since we are in a long distance relationship. (Sorry I should've mentioned that in my initial post) I'm working in China and she's in Taiwan. The reason why I am willing to help her pay rent is because I have no expenses since my company pretty much covers everything. However, every two months I get paid time off to visit Taiwan, so that's when I would actually stay with her if she were to move out. It would be nice for our relationship because she doesn't get too much privacy when we vid chat since her room is like..part of her parent's living room, just walled off =( Well, in this situation, you don't have your own place in Taiwan, right? So when you come back to Taiwan you either stay in a hotel (now?), at your parents' place (with no privacy? and she can't come over?) or at her place (currently not possible?).
So what you'd actually be doing is renting a home for you two, except you'll be working in China most of the time (somewhat like people who work on oil rigs, or army personnel: they have a home, but live abroad for long stretches at a time). If you think of it like that, you're not renting her a flat which you can move into when you come back... you're renting a flat for you two to live together, except that you have to work in China for long stretches at a time. The former means she has full control and you'd be a "guest". The latter means you live together and have equal rights; you'd be coming home when moving back there on holiday. It's conceptually very different for both of you.
Of course, it depends alot on how your current situation works and what you both want from the relationship. Moving in together is a big step and you might not be ready for it, in which case renting her a flat is the convenient way out to get the same practical benefits without the emotional attachment (just hope she sees it that way too).
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Hm it depends on many things but I don't think you should pay for the rent if you don't live in the appartment. Anyway i'm always uncomfortable when it comes to money in non married/recent (<5 yrs let's say ) relationships; both parts should be independant and not ask from the other but meh.
If you rent it for her at least have the apartment signed under your name.
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On December 24 2013 17:56 rkshox wrote:Show nested quote +On December 24 2013 15:22 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On December 24 2013 15:22 rkshox wrote:On December 23 2013 06:35 Holgerius wrote:Moving in with my girlfriend in the beginning of 2014.  Gun b awesum. Speaking of moving in, my girlfriend is thinking about moving out of her parents house in the near future and asked me if I would help her with rent. I've been with her for over 2 years now and she isn't the girl that would ask for something unless she genuinely needed it. I really don't have a problem with this since rent is really high in Taipei, I make almost twice the amount she makes and I will probably being staying over often. Nothing is really set in stone yet, but just wanted to see what you guys thought about the situation. I agree with rezoacken... is it possible/ appropriate/ plausible for you to move in with her? Well, I'm not opposed to me moving in since I think we have made it to that stage in our relationship, however, it would not make too much sense since we are in a long distance relationship. (Sorry I should've mentioned that in my initial post) I'm working in China and she's in Taiwan. The reason why I am willing to help her pay rent is because I have no expenses since my company pretty much covers everything. However, every two months I get paid time off to visit Taiwan, so that's when I would actually stay with her if she were to move out. It would be nice for our relationship because she doesn't get too much privacy when we vid chat since her room is like..part of her parent's living room, just walled off =(
Well I usually advise against long distance relationship but people are still free to do as they please.
If you go to Taiwan often enough to consider it as a residence. You can think of getting a place. A bit like people working in mines or rigs. I still wouldn't pay 100% of it unless I really swim in money. Let her pay a fair share.
Also, what about her moving to China ?
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My dad just dropped this dating advise on me. "Find a 2 then drink until she looks like an 8"
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He must be some sort of sage
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On December 24 2013 15:22 rkshox wrote:Show nested quote +On December 23 2013 06:35 Holgerius wrote:Moving in with my girlfriend in the beginning of 2014.  Gun b awesum. Speaking of moving in, my girlfriend is thinking about moving out of her parents house in the near future and asked me if I would help her with rent. I've been with her for over 2 years now and she isn't the girl that would ask for something unless she genuinely needed it. I really don't have a problem with this since rent is really high in Taipei, I make almost twice the amount she makes and I will probably being staying over often. Nothing is really set in stone yet, but just wanted to see what you guys thought about the situation.
Let me boil this down into more simple terms:
You are contemplating taking on rent for a place that you will not live at so that your long distance girlfriend can freely show you her boobs over Skype without worrying that daddy will walk in and angrily backhand her so hard she ends up in mainland China.
Let that sink in for a moment.
It's really telling how she views you that she'd ask for you to pay for her rent rather live at home til she can afford it, finding a less expensive place, or getting roommates.
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He's just helping his girlfriend with the rent. I say good job everyone in this thread is so negative!
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I dunno, this isn't an issue where black and white answers apply. Offer her support, offer her help. If she needs help, you could help her out with a couple months of rent, but she should be able to get her act together after that. If she can't, she has a very important life lesson to learn. Unless you two have plans of getting married or something, she should be asking for you to loan her some money which she'll eventually try to pay back rather asking you to keep paying her rent. It may feel natural or romantic to help out your female partner financially, but don't do it if you are attached to the money you give away. If you REALLY don't feel like the money is w/e and you could help almost any important person in similar fashion, don't do it.
But OP knows her and her situation the best, you do whatever YOU feel is right. If it turns out you were wrong, you learned an important lesson, and at least you did what you believed to be right.
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I can just say don't get into an uneven relationship. Lending is always retarded with your girlfriend imo. It sort of creates the feeling that she is in your debt, and that you expect to get repaid at some point. In a relationship I just give stuff because I want to, and because I like her. If she asks for help I would just help her within my power. I can't do everything, but I'd do anything for "her".
(Edit: typing from my Android, fixed weird swipe mistakes)
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Netherlands4511 Posts
On December 22 2013 01:47 WonnaPlay wrote: So I was planning on writing something about this chick I was dating for the past couple of months, but last night i've probably had one of the craziest nights ever.
It all started when we had our Christmass Party at work. Which is an actual party with alotttt of alcohol and this year they had huge buckets of Flügel (a small drink of about 10%, which normally you only drink when you're 16-17. haha). So this party lasted untill about 0:00, which is pretty early in the night, but trust me, the alcohol percentages are high at this point. Work arranged for busses which drove to different cities, I took one of these busses to my city and called up some friends of mine, who were partying somewhere. Me in my drunken stupor decided to go there aswell and drink even more. The night turns late and it's about 4:00 AM or something and I go to a cab. Now here starts the weirdness, I get into a cab after agreeing on the price to my house. The moment before we (I was alone at this point) drive off a random girl gets in the backseat of the car and she decides to ride with us. I talk a bit with the girl and turns out she has to go the same direction. I then decided that I would chill at a friends place near my home and I asked her to come join. She agreed to come with and we got there at about 4:30 AM. This girl was absolutely crazy, she was from Iceland so we talked in English and when things got crazy I'd talk dutch to my mate, since she could not understand us (even if she could, I didn't care at this point). So after smoking some joints and drinking some more beer, I decide to go home and took this girl with me, where I litterally fucked her brains out. I'm not sure how everything was still working since I was drunk as fuck, but somehow it was all good. This morning she went away and almost left without me having her number, so just before she left I told her to give me her number for whenever one of us wants to enjoy another crazy night.
It feels a bit like good karma for me, since the last 4 months I've been dating a girl (it's been over for about a week) without having sex at all. I was in love with this girl, but after many efforts it just didn't work out.
well done
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On December 22 2013 01:47 WonnaPlay wrote: So I was planning on writing something about this chick I was dating for the past couple of months, but last night i've probably had one of the craziest nights ever.
It all started when we had our Christmass Party at work. Which is an actual party with alotttt of alcohol and this year they had huge buckets of Flügel (a small drink of about 10%, which normally you only drink when you're 16-17. haha). So this party lasted untill about 0:00, which is pretty early in the night, but trust me, the alcohol percentages are high at this point. Work arranged for busses which drove to different cities, I took one of these busses to my city and called up some friends of mine, who were partying somewhere. Me in my drunken stupor decided to go there aswell and drink even more. The night turns late and it's about 4:00 AM or something and I go to a cab. Now here starts the weirdness, I get into a cab after agreeing on the price to my house. The moment before we (I was alone at this point) drive off a random girl gets in the backseat of the car and she decides to ride with us. I talk a bit with the girl and turns out she has to go the same direction. I then decided that I would chill at a friends place near my home and I asked her to come join. She agreed to come with and we got there at about 4:30 AM. This girl was absolutely crazy, she was from Iceland so we talked in English and when things got crazy I'd talk dutch to my mate, since she could not understand us (even if she could, I didn't care at this point). So after smoking some joints and drinking some more beer, I decide to go home and took this girl with me, where I litterally fucked her brains out. I'm not sure how everything was still working since I was drunk as fuck, but somehow it was all good. This morning she went away and almost left without me having her number, so just before she left I told her to give me her number for whenever one of us wants to enjoy another crazy night.
It feels a bit like good karma for me, since the last 4 months I've been dating a girl (it's been over for about a week) without having sex at all. I was in love with this girl, but after many efforts it just didn't work out.
On December 25 2013 22:31 Liquid`Ret wrote: well done
You guys are sick.
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On December 25 2013 14:59 Dogfoodboy16 wrote: My dad just dropped this dating advise on me. "Find a 2 then drink until she looks like an 8" hahahah this is gold
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