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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On December 20 2013 21:06 Shauni wrote:Show nested quote +On December 20 2013 16:43 Last.Midnight wrote:
It's shocking and amazing at the same time to me, the capacity for evil and indifference men can feel when they simply can't succeed with women.
Date rape essays? Shauni's general views? Man, that's some SCARY and repressed shit.
Women aren't even difficult you guys just convince yourselves they are and then you don't get them because... ironically... they can feel how uncomfortable you are talking to them since you've convinced yourselves that it's difficult.
That makes them uncomfortable. They're looking to you for masculine and grounded energy, unshakeable confidence, and instead they get a quivering bitch with issues. You are basically correct. Women are incredibly simplistic and like I said, driven by their primal nature. It's men lingering in thoughts who make things difficult. And god forbid the male to have issues because what would society look like if we didn't follow the gender roles? A woman with confidence issues on the other hand is just cute and invokes the damsel in distress urge in you alpha males. Because your grounded, unshakable energy will undoubtedly help her find peace within herself.
Well, that's the way things are. That's the way we've evolved. Women have more value than men in a night club just by definition, even if the 18 year old with breast implants can't spell and you won a Nobel prize, in that club she's the prize.
So what good is crying about it on a gaming website going to do? Just accept what is and work with it.
You have to practice at something to improve. Do you wanna bitch about it or do you want to get to work?
You have to jerk your dick a few times before you cum. Do you wanna bitch about it or do you want to get to work?
You have to hustle in life and it's not always fair. Do you etc. etc. etc.
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Telling Shauni to "do you" seems like poor advice to be frank.
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On December 20 2013 21:06 Shauni wrote:Show nested quote +On December 20 2013 16:43 Last.Midnight wrote:
It's shocking and amazing at the same time to me, the capacity for evil and indifference men can feel when they simply can't succeed with women.
Date rape essays? Shauni's general views? Man, that's some SCARY and repressed shit.
Women aren't even difficult you guys just convince yourselves they are and then you don't get them because... ironically... they can feel how uncomfortable you are talking to them since you've convinced yourselves that it's difficult.
That makes them uncomfortable. They're looking to you for masculine and grounded energy, unshakeable confidence, and instead they get a quivering bitch with issues. You are basically correct. Women are incredibly simplistic and like I said, driven by their primal nature. It's men lingering in thoughts who make things difficult. And god forbid the male to have issues because what would society look like if we didn't follow the gender roles? A woman with confidence issues on the other hand is just cute and invokes the damsel in distress urge in you alpha males. Because your grounded, unshakable energy will undoubtedly help her find peace within herself.
Yeah, I actually love being that knight in shining armour for that reason, but honestly it's because that's the situation I feel the most confident in myself. I've always liked to make people feel better who feel bad about themselves, which gave me a lot of experience in the area. I haven't experienced much of the world so I can't really share stories about that, but I've spent a lot of time trying to understand feelings. I guess I'm lucky that this damsel in distress urge actually gives me so much energy that it may seem unshakable. But obviously, while being a good listener is appreciated a lot, it doesn't make one boyfriend material by itself.
It isn't necessary to become a jock either or someone you're just not, but it's always nice to develop some interests and being able to share experiences and not just listen to stuff. Then hopefully run into someone who shares a lot of your interests and there's a good chance of ending up together. In the "worst case" she'll be a great friend, in the best case you got yourself a girlfriend. There's not really any losing in that area.
Some girls might disapprove, but a lot of girls don't mind it THAT much if you have an issue with something and you want to share that issue. Most people aren't equipped to deal with problems on a really, really deep level though as they are simply not used to it. It's like me being dropped in an advanced make-up class, I know what most words mean but I have no clue what to say or do exactly. This makes people feel uncomfortable and so they would avoid talking to you again. But this goes both ways. As a guy it's easy to see certain (especially hot) insecure people getting taken care of, but for each girl you see being helped with her insecurities there's at least another one who's crying alone about that.
The internet is both a blessing and curse in this regard. On one hand we read about SO many experiences by other people that we may get so many ambitions of our own that we may be burdened by it. Think back 100 years when people only really knew of the VERY largest of events going on in the world, or even 10 years when people only knew about relatively large events. Then the internet exploded and now we hear each and every individual opinion in the world. This instantly multiplied our possible knowledge several times and made us more diverse, so it's harder to find someone who truly "gets" you which makes more people feel terribly alone/depressed. But because the internet is so widespread, there's a good chance there's someone somewhere agreeing with you on anything you say even if you may not notice it. It's more important than ever to find peace with yourself, try things just for you and stick to what YOU like, because life doesn't get any less hectic in the future and you need a solid centre. Like a sun, you'll eventually find people like you through the widespread connections and possibilities who will gravitate to you, be happy and most probably find love.
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I'm pretty sure you missed the sarcasm put into Shauni's post. And "like a sun", your post goes in every direction.
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On December 21 2013 09:20 rezoacken wrote:
I'm pretty sure you missed the sarcasm put into Shauni's post. And "like a sun", your post goes in every direction.
Though it might have been sarcastic, it still seemed true in a way. My post wasn't focused as I was pretty much writing down my own personal train of thought completely without much regard for if it made sense to someone else or not. I just felt like sharing my perspective on the whole dating thing (:
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On December 21 2013 09:38 Neemi wrote:Show nested quote +On December 21 2013 09:20 rezoacken wrote:
I'm pretty sure you missed the sarcasm put into Shauni's post. And "like a sun", your post goes in every direction. Though it might have been sarcastic, it still seemed true in a way. My post wasn't focused as I was pretty much writing down my own personal train of thought completely without much regard for if it made sense to someone else or not. I just felt like sharing my perspective on the whole dating thing (:
It's not sarcastic, as far as I read it.
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I guess that's the beauty of the internet, without the face and tone of the person it's up to interpretation.
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On December 21 2013 09:59 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On December 21 2013 09:38 Neemi wrote:On December 21 2013 09:20 rezoacken wrote:
I'm pretty sure you missed the sarcasm put into Shauni's post. And "like a sun", your post goes in every direction. Though it might have been sarcastic, it still seemed true in a way. My post wasn't focused as I was pretty much writing down my own personal train of thought completely without much regard for if it made sense to someone else or not. I just felt like sharing my perspective on the whole dating thing (: It's not sarcastic, as far as I read it.
Just the last sentence was sarcastic I think:
You are basically correct. Women are incredibly simplistic and like I said, driven by their primal nature. It's men lingering in thoughts who make things difficult. And god forbid the male to have issues because what would society look like if we didn't follow the gender roles? A woman with confidence issues on the other hand is just cute and invokes the damsel in distress urge in you alpha males. Because your grounded, unshakable energy will undoubtedly help her find peace within herself.
That's the part I think he was sarcastic about. I don't think he'd refer to people here as alpha males or just compliment them in any way.
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On December 21 2013 09:59 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On December 21 2013 09:38 Neemi wrote:On December 21 2013 09:20 rezoacken wrote:
I'm pretty sure you missed the sarcasm put into Shauni's post. And "like a sun", your post goes in every direction. Though it might have been sarcastic, it still seemed true in a way. My post wasn't focused as I was pretty much writing down my own personal train of thought completely without much regard for if it made sense to someone else or not. I just felt like sharing my perspective on the whole dating thing (: It's not sarcastic, as far as I read it.
Shauni is deadly serious.
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I just went 3 times, and she left, so now I'm gonna play Starcraft. Maybe listen to some Daft Punk. The end.
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On December 21 2013 03:07 rezoacken wrote:Show nested quote +On December 20 2013 19:18 Thalandros wrote:So last night I had my very first prom. It was kind of a mixture between a prom and a party, though. Anyway, I should start by the beginning. I share French classes with this girl and since the beginning of this schoolyear she's joined me and a friend at a table more and more, to the point where I got to know her a little bit. So at this party, I saw her dancing in the corner of my eye, didn't really pay attention to it at all. Later on she walked up to me, telling me her friend/boyfriend (Don't know if he was a boyfriend, I don't think so.) was wasted and annoying and didnt want to dance. Very subtly she went: ''..So I don't really have anyone to dance with now..'' I knew this question was coming too, which made it even worse. I know exactly what to do before and after these situations, but in the moment, i seem to stoneify or something. So I said ''Aww, I'm sorry..'' It kind of reminds me of How I Met Your Mother Season 1, the Pilot, where they go about ''the signal.'' That was the signal. I felt like such an ass for the entire night  1. I felt sorry for her 2. I felt sorry for myself because I'm so terrible at this 3. I didn't get free pizza from my friends who I made a deal with: The one that ends up with a girl/dance, w/e, gets free pizza! We got pizza afterwards anyway (like we appointed), but it wasn't the same. Well you can still try to climb the mountain back. I understand that you think you've blown it forever missing the opportunity so sure you feel like an ass. But that's the past now so you can't help it. You can still give it a shot. And at first I was reading "So last night I had my very first porn" ;X
Even that first expression of interest is grounds enough to pursue her a little. "You know at that party, when your boyfriend was wasted. I think I'm even a better dance partner than him sober. How bout we go dancing Friday night?"
You gotta adopt that carefree attitude on the dares. When you really examine it, what have you got to lose? And everything to gain.
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So my girlfriend posted a semi-scandalous picture as her profile on facebook. I don't have any problems with picture just the thought process that probably went behind it. Why would she post a picture like this unless she wanted guys attention? Why would she want guys attention when shes dating me?
I want to talk to her about it but I feel like she will get mad.... what do i do?
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Stop being an insecure piece of shit.
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On December 21 2013 18:13 FreedomMurder wrote:
So my girlfriend posted a semi-scandalous picture as her profile on facebook. I don't have any problems with picture just the thought process that probably went behind it. Why would she post a picture like this unless she wanted guys attention? Why would she want guys attention when shes dating me?
I want to talk to her about it but I feel like she will get mad.... what do i do?
don't worry about it. she's a free willed human being and can put up what she wants on the facebooks. if you trust her, which I'd hope you do if you're dating her, then you should trust that she's not going to do anything scandalous.
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This post might as well went to the raging thread, but goddamn, I beliee this piece of stuff belongs here.
So you know about the girl who did the ignore bullshit, and I cut ties with her. Well guess who rang just now. "How are you?" was definetly not a good start by her, but when she finally got around the part which she said was hard to talk about... she explained me why she got angry with me! :D:D::D:D:D:D:D:D: Like, after I crawled and suffered (slight exaggeration), now all of a sudden she CALLS ME, to talk about THAT stuff? Like what the fuck, did my "1529th" number in line finally got to customer service, or what? Havinga cleared - and by then fucked up - mind, I told her straight away that I hardly care about that stuff now, and I believe it's not the reason she called, so go on with it. Like, you know, when you looked right through me for weeks. "Oohh that...". Yeah, she avoided it like hot lava. "I know I have bad traits" - jesus, I told her to fucking stop right there, because a bad trait if you snore, not if you behave like a jerk. But when I totally snapped is when she was about to close the discussion saying sth along the lines that well she tried, but now everyone's got their "5 minutes of raging".
WHAT?? Am I to be humbled that after weeks, she wanted to know how I'm doing? AM I? WHAT? I was in a puppy-killing state after that, so I just told her straight away, that first of all, if she was any decent human being, she should've apologized for ignoring me while I was the most vulnerable, and when she did that, I told her to cut the crap, 2 minutes ago you wanted to end the conversation in a way I become the bad guy, and after I told you what you should've done, you suddenly apologize? I told her to just talk about what she's been avoiding ever since, tell me that she did that because she felt it won't work out, because THAT actually takes some courage, even if I just told you to do that, it's still hard. Then she tried to avoid the topic, obviously I didn't let it, and then my phone went bankrupt - I called her back because she thought I hang up on her when my phone malfunctioned.
I've been reading this thread enough to have a basic idea what was this for, but my money ran out at the worst possible time. I'm sure I'll text her sth that the only thing I want to hear from her is confessing/admitting why she played the ignore game, because it makes me so mad, that someone out there takes the time and effort to derogate me, and close this whole thing thinking "well, I tried, even apologized, but he's such a jerk, can't forgive me!", just because it would make her conscious better. No way, after these, I want her to either suck it up, and say it out loud (or text it, if she's THAT afraid), but if she can't, then at least break under it, because it's her fucking weight, not mine.
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On December 21 2013 19:53 Volband wrote:
This post might as well went to the raging thread, but goddamn, I beliee this piece of stuff belongs here.
So you know about the girl who did the ignore bullshit, and I cut ties with her. Well guess who rang just now. "How are you?" was definetly not a good start by her, but when she finally got around the part which she said was hard to talk about... she explained me why she got angry with me! :D:D::D:D:D:D:D:D: Like, after I crawled and suffered (slight exaggeration), now all of a sudden she CALLS ME, to talk about THAT stuff? Like what the fuck, did my "1529th" number in line finally got to customer service, or what? Havinga cleared - and by then fucked up - mind, I told her straight away that I hardly care about that stuff now, and I believe it's not the reason she called, so go on with it. Like, you know, when you looked right through me for weeks. "Oohh that...". Yeah, she avoided it like hot lava. "I know I have bad traits" - jesus, I told her to fucking stop right there, because a bad trait if you snore, not if you behave like a jerk. But when I totally snapped is when she was about to close the discussion saying sth along the lines that well she tried, but now everyone's got their "5 minutes of raging".
WHAT?? Am I to be humbled that after weeks, she wanted to know how I'm doing? AM I? WHAT? I was in a puppy-killing state after that, so I just told her straight away, that first of all, if she was any decent human being, she should've apologized for ignoring me while I was the most vulnerable, and when she did that, I told her to cut the crap, 2 minutes ago you wanted to end the conversation in a way I become the bad guy, and after I told you what you should've done, you suddenly apologize? I told her to just talk about what she's been avoiding ever since, tell me that she did that because she felt it won't work out, because THAT actually takes some courage, even if I just told you to do that, it's still hard. Then she tried to avoid the topic, obviously I didn't let it, and then my phone went bankrupt - I called her back because she thought I hang up on her when my phone malfunctioned.
I've been reading this thread enough to have a basic idea what was this for, but my money ran out at the worst possible time. I'm sure I'll text her sth that the only thing I want to hear from her is confessing/admitting why she played the ignore game, because it makes me so mad, that someone out there takes the time and effort to derogate me, and close this whole thing thinking "well, I tried, even apologized, but he's such a jerk, can't forgive me!", just because it would make her conscious better. No way, after these, I want her to either suck it up, and say it out loud (or text it, if she's THAT afraid), but if she can't, then at least break under it, because it's her fucking weight, not mine.
Happens more than you think, many women just do things on pure impulse.
The thing you gotta understand is there is probably no reason behind any of her actions, nor does she think about how her actions affect people.
There are situations like this that can even turn into sex, or she just wanted your attention because shes an attention seeker but you'll never know if you get all mad because that has a 0 percent chance of turning into anything.
I think you're mad because deep down you actually really want her. Well if you want her then don't let her screw with your brain, when the opportunity comes you have to strike and you missed the last one already.
Forget what happened in the past, it doesn't help you at all. It doesn't matter how much you try to teach her a lesson because she will keep doing the same thing for the rest of her life. The guys that will end up with her will be the ones that don't give a shit, who don't throw tantrums over little things like being ignored because they have self-esteem.
She played you like a fiddle and might have just figured out you were a terrible match for her.
If she wants to play games, then become the devil, play the game.
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On December 20 2013 01:23 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:Show nested quote +On December 19 2013 15:29 Djzapz wrote:
This is hardly relevant to this thread because I've been dating a girl for a few months now and it's going great, but before that, early this year, shortly after being dumped, I was courting this smart young lady who I was madly infatuated with and I was trying to make her my rebound girl. She was impressive in many ways and I acted confident but frankly she was quite intimidating. She's a master's student like myself and works on a bunch of projects on the side and stuff...
Anyways so we had been flirting for weeks and I had not made any sort of "move" because I'm like that, I pretty much suck at this. Anyway, some of the flirting was literally like fully fledged dirty questions/remarks and whatnot. We had lunch a few times, no real date though. And at some point she sent a picture of herself, not a "sexy pic" but it did show a bit of skin... I texted "nice legs!" or whatever, which was perfectly within the previously set boundaries of stuff we talked about. She responds "uuuuh alright".
What the actual fuck? I still have nightmares to this day because of that 180 turn. When I got that text, I feel like I friendzoned her. It sounds stupid and it's kinda not true, she could have redeemed herself easily (for some time anyway), but it was so fucking annoying that she'd pull BS like that! And just a day or two later, she'd be back to sending me dirty comments and she was super friendly, until it died down because I kind of stopped paying attention to her shit.
A friend tried to match me with this girl, but only after it didn't work out, he told me about her insane and apparently random mood swings that make her go berserk at ANYBODY at ANY TIME for no reason whatsoever. And apparently, no one is immune to her wrath. She'll randomly snap and be disrespectful or passive aggressive with people just like that. I know her ex, we've gamed together 3-4 times, and apparently that's why he dumped her even though she was "out of his league" both physically, intellectually and in terms of his career. Apparently she, a masters student with a full life, broke down when he dumped her - and he's an unemployed 23 year old who lives with his mother.
She's still an impressive girl, but she was also a bit self-centered and manipulative and when I told her that I teach a university course, I felt like she tried to 1-up it with her accomplishments and her projects. So overall, I dodged a bullet I think. I dated someone exactly like you describe and I confirm you dodged a bullet !
I agree, I happened to go out with this complete narcissist who was also somewhat attractive and extremely smart, after 3-4 months it wasn't pretty, I was psychologically destroyed.
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On December 21 2013 20:08 sluggaslamoo wrote:Show nested quote +On December 21 2013 19:53 Volband wrote:
This post might as well went to the raging thread, but goddamn, I beliee this piece of stuff belongs here.
So you know about the girl who did the ignore bullshit, and I cut ties with her. Well guess who rang just now. "How are you?" was definetly not a good start by her, but when she finally got around the part which she said was hard to talk about... she explained me why she got angry with me! :D:D::D:D:D:D:D:D: Like, after I crawled and suffered (slight exaggeration), now all of a sudden she CALLS ME, to talk about THAT stuff? Like what the fuck, did my "1529th" number in line finally got to customer service, or what? Havinga cleared - and by then fucked up - mind, I told her straight away that I hardly care about that stuff now, and I believe it's not the reason she called, so go on with it. Like, you know, when you looked right through me for weeks. "Oohh that...". Yeah, she avoided it like hot lava. "I know I have bad traits" - jesus, I told her to fucking stop right there, because a bad trait if you snore, not if you behave like a jerk. But when I totally snapped is when she was about to close the discussion saying sth along the lines that well she tried, but now everyone's got their "5 minutes of raging".
WHAT?? Am I to be humbled that after weeks, she wanted to know how I'm doing? AM I? WHAT? I was in a puppy-killing state after that, so I just told her straight away, that first of all, if she was any decent human being, she should've apologized for ignoring me while I was the most vulnerable, and when she did that, I told her to cut the crap, 2 minutes ago you wanted to end the conversation in a way I become the bad guy, and after I told you what you should've done, you suddenly apologize? I told her to just talk about what she's been avoiding ever since, tell me that she did that because she felt it won't work out, because THAT actually takes some courage, even if I just told you to do that, it's still hard. Then she tried to avoid the topic, obviously I didn't let it, and then my phone went bankrupt - I called her back because she thought I hang up on her when my phone malfunctioned.
I've been reading this thread enough to have a basic idea what was this for, but my money ran out at the worst possible time. I'm sure I'll text her sth that the only thing I want to hear from her is confessing/admitting why she played the ignore game, because it makes me so mad, that someone out there takes the time and effort to derogate me, and close this whole thing thinking "well, I tried, even apologized, but he's such a jerk, can't forgive me!", just because it would make her conscious better. No way, after these, I want her to either suck it up, and say it out loud (or text it, if she's THAT afraid), but if she can't, then at least break under it, because it's her fucking weight, not mine. Happens more than you think, many women just do things on pure impulse. The thing you gotta understand is there is probably no reason behind any of her actions, nor does she think about how her actions affect people. There are situations like this that can even turn into sex, or she just wanted your attention because shes an attention seeker but you'll never know if you get all mad because that has a 0 percent chance of turning into anything. I think you're mad because deep down you actually really want her. Well if you want her then don't let her screw with your brain, when the opportunity comes you have to strike and you missed the last one already. Forget what happened in the past, it doesn't help you at all. It doesn't matter how much you try to teach her a lesson because she will keep doing the same thing for the rest of her life. The guys that will end up with her will be the ones that don't give a shit, who don't throw tantrums over little things like being ignored because they have self-esteem. She played you like a fiddle and might have just figured out you were a terrible match for her. If she wants to play games, then become the devil, play the game.
Well, I called her, and it was weird. She'll call me in the evening, since she had to go, though she asked if it's okay, lol. 4 weeks ago she didn't even pick up the phone, and now I'm asked if I'm fine with having this conversation later, since she's about to go to work implying that if I had said "no" she probably would've stayed on the phone. People are funny.
Anyway, I'm not sure where I want to lead the conversation. I'd like to think she's a manipulative son of a..., but if I'd just think everyone's out to get me, I'd turn insane pretty soon. A sure question of mine is definetly the "what do you want now?", I'm just not sure how should I go about this ignore thingy. I mean, if I force a "yeah, I felt it wasn't working out" answer out of her, then the former question becomes irrelevant for me, because there is no way in hell I would make up with her on a friend-level after this. Also, even if she says sth along the lines that we could try again, I have to tie a knot on my dick, because I have to take charge, and force her into a corner, where she can only say a definite yes or no.
So basically, I have to translate "we either get dirty or gtfo" in a way it doesn't sound as blunt.
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Lalalaland34495 Posts
Just playing devil's advocate here, but what if she's as confused as you are about what she wants? What if she's petrified about having the conversation because she is ashamed about what she's been doing, and offloading the blame to you is simply her defense mechanism?
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EPT
