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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
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Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On October 13 2013 04:56 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:Show nested quote +On October 13 2013 04:20 docvoc wrote:On October 13 2013 04:03 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:On October 13 2013 03:47 corumjhaelen wrote:
Well, maybe it will open your mind to the fact that, actually, Titanic is a very good movie. No it's not. It's long and terrible. On October 13 2013 03:51 docvoc wrote:On October 13 2013 03:43 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:So like all guys I do my fair share of bending the truth (aka lying) in order to get women I like into bed. Unfortunately this has backfired on me hardcore tonight. While in conversation with a girl I asked her what her favourite movies are. Normally I'd respond to this by ignoring all the shitty movies she probably likes and just talking about the one/two okay ones. However, this girl was like, "Well I know it's really cheesy but my favourite film is Titanic". I should mention that this girl is a good 8-9/10 so against all my better judgement I pretended to like such a shit movie and now she's going to make me sit through all 3 hours+ of it tonight while I pretend to like it. On October 13 2013 00:54 kaykaykay wrote:
An update on how the day went,
some ex classmate of hers we saw at the carnival tried to pick her up with a really bad one liner to which I could tell she was really confused, to a slighter extent annoyed by it.
The conversations we had felt really natural although she had to leave early.
I'm not sure if what I sensed was attraction when she said bye to everyone but me last as though she was subconsciously waiting for my approval.
takeaway of the day: Women can smell desperation a mile away.
Lying might be the absolute worst way of doing this. You literally fall apart and lose the people you build reputations with because of that. You don't have to lie to get into a girl's pants.
I'll try to ask her out another day.
The annoying thing about women is that if a man does something like ask a girl to travel to some group event with him (unless you're already really good friends or live next to each other) then there's a 99% chance he's trying to get some. Unfortunately women aren't nearly as predictable but I'd say it's almost certainly not a bad thing. Just ask her out asap before someone else does without using a shitty one liner. Most girls don't actually get asked out that often by non weird/creepy guys so usually, for me at least, they say yes if they're single. You can't be serious. You're not looking forward to watching a movie with an attractive girl just because it's titanic. Really? I fucking saw What To Expect When You're Expecting with my ex because her family paid us to see it. A date is a date dude. Well I could go to a club instead where there's loads of attractive girls who won't make me watch it. I have an awesome plan now anyway to double down on my lying to get sex without having to sit through 3 hours of Leonard Di Caprio and Celine Dion. You don't have to lie to get into a girl's pants. Well obviously lying isn't the only way to get girls but there are many occasions when it can increase your chances.
Well we can see where your morals lie.
Since this thread got bumped I'll update on my status.
Girl I work I like a lot has recently been talking to me more than usual and starting conversations out of the blue outside of work. Usually if we ever talked it was originally about work and I usually had to initiate it somewhat and keep the convo going. It's been the opposite lately and she's been super excited about the couple we work together at the same time and she asked me to bring her lunch on my way in since she was craving some food.
I had tried to hangout with her before and do something together outside of work but due to our schedules we are never off at the same time usually. Or the few times we did she always blew me off with some excuse. We went to a carnival once and some work get together but that's the only time outside of work. both times went great imo but what does that matter haha.
She agreed to go to some giant Halloween costume store downtown with me and I actually think she's gonna go through with it this time cause she said she needs to get some stuff. Hopefully she likes me, doubtful from past conclusions but maybe she changed or I did, to get a positive effect.
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On October 13 2013 06:12 Magic_Mike wrote:Show nested quote +On October 13 2013 04:56 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:On October 13 2013 04:20 docvoc wrote:On October 13 2013 04:03 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:On October 13 2013 03:47 corumjhaelen wrote:
Well, maybe it will open your mind to the fact that, actually, Titanic is a very good movie. No it's not. It's long and terrible. On October 13 2013 03:51 docvoc wrote:On October 13 2013 03:43 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:So like all guys I do my fair share of bending the truth (aka lying) in order to get women I like into bed. Unfortunately this has backfired on me hardcore tonight. While in conversation with a girl I asked her what her favourite movies are. Normally I'd respond to this by ignoring all the shitty movies she probably likes and just talking about the one/two okay ones. However, this girl was like, "Well I know it's really cheesy but my favourite film is Titanic". I should mention that this girl is a good 8-9/10 so against all my better judgement I pretended to like such a shit movie and now she's going to make me sit through all 3 hours+ of it tonight while I pretend to like it. On October 13 2013 00:54 kaykaykay wrote:
An update on how the day went,
some ex classmate of hers we saw at the carnival tried to pick her up with a really bad one liner to which I could tell she was really confused, to a slighter extent annoyed by it.
The conversations we had felt really natural although she had to leave early.
I'm not sure if what I sensed was attraction when she said bye to everyone but me last as though she was subconsciously waiting for my approval.
takeaway of the day: Women can smell desperation a mile away.
Lying might be the absolute worst way of doing this. You literally fall apart and lose the people you build reputations with because of that. You don't have to lie to get into a girl's pants.
I'll try to ask her out another day.
The annoying thing about women is that if a man does something like ask a girl to travel to some group event with him (unless you're already really good friends or live next to each other) then there's a 99% chance he's trying to get some. Unfortunately women aren't nearly as predictable but I'd say it's almost certainly not a bad thing. Just ask her out asap before someone else does without using a shitty one liner. Most girls don't actually get asked out that often by non weird/creepy guys so usually, for me at least, they say yes if they're single. You can't be serious. You're not looking forward to watching a movie with an attractive girl just because it's titanic. Really? I fucking saw What To Expect When You're Expecting with my ex because her family paid us to see it. A date is a date dude. Well I could go to a club instead where there's loads of attractive girls who won't make me watch it. I have an awesome plan now anyway to double down on my lying to get sex without having to sit through 3 hours of Leonard Di Caprio and Celine Dion. You don't have to lie to get into a girl's pants. Well obviously lying isn't the only way to get girls but there are many occasions when it can increase your chances. In general, women have waaay better people reading skills than men. You may think they believe your lies but most of the time they really don't. They know what kind of a person you are and are just using you for the time you are there. Since they know you are a liar, they don't expect anything long term from you and will general discard you once their needs are met and they no longer have a use for you. The funny thing is, they probably would have used you regardless of whether or not you lied but you managed to forfeit any chance of something more by lying. Perhaps this isn't the case here and you fooled these girls but I imagine they are manipulating you into watching a movie you don't want to watch simply because they want company to watch it and don't really care whether you want to watch it or not.
Well I managed to get laid and not watch any Titanic. A successful night by anyone's standards.
In my job I work around 95% women and in my experience women are terrible at reading men. Just as clueless as men can be about women.
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I'm still baffled by how little I know about the fairer sex.
I felt great on Friday, so while grocery shopping, I simply asked out the cashier, which is weird, because I'm that bold.
I didn't even think about it, she just smiled at me as her profession requires and it came over me.
What is even weirder, is that it didn't creep her out and she just said yes.
So we meet for a little a chat, she asks me what I do, I tell her, I ask her what she does, she gets red in the face, says something about: "You know I'm a cashier, why do you ask that?"
And I go: "Well I figured you're a student as well."
Apparently, that was the worst thing I could have said, for she got really defensive and rather angry.
I tried telling her that I didn't mean anything by it, and she calls me a condescending prick.
I'm sure I wasn't being nasty about it, I don't even understand what's bad about working at a grocery store.
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On October 13 2013 23:14 SixStrings wrote:
I'm still baffled by how little I know about the fairer sex.
I felt great on Friday, so while grocery shopping, I simply asked out the cashier, which is weird, because I'm that bold.
I didn't even think about it, she just smiled at me as her profession requires and it came over me.
What is even weirder, is that it didn't creep her out and she just said yes.
So we meet for a little a chat, she asks me what I do, I tell her, I ask her what she does, she gets red in the face, says something about: "You know I'm a cashier, why do you ask that?"
And I go: "Well I figured you're a student as well."
Apparently, that was the worst thing I could have said, for she got really defensive and rather angry.
I tried telling her that I didn't mean anything by it, and she calls me a condescending prick.
I'm sure I wasn't being nasty about it, I don't even understand what's bad about working at a grocery store.
It is possible to hurt people's feelings without meaning to. We all interpret words our own way, and for others it means something, for others it doesn't. There's nothing bad in being a cashier obviously, but there are way more subtle ways to bring things up. If you said to a girl 'hey you are sexy' and mean nothing by it besides the words themselves, how can you know what runs through her mind?
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If you'd just asked if she studies as well it would be no problem, but to meet in her in place of work and then ask her "what do you do" seems a little dumb, because you already know. You then put the expectation of her studying to her as if it wasn't enough that she was simply a cashier, rather than it being an innocent question. If your peers are studying at university and getting proper careers in industry and you're just working in a shop as a cashier it's probably a bit of a sore spot that I'm sure in future you will approach more delicately 
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She is just insecure about it for whatever reason and seems emberassed she isn't goin to school. There's no real way for you to have known that though so she shouldn't have reacted like that but people aren't always rational. I can sort of see how asking what she does while you know she is a cashier sort of implies that you think it's an unimportant part of your life but it doesn't warrant a reaction like that.
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It doesn't "warrant" a reaction like that but that doesn't mean it's not to be expected if you approach a subject that is sensitive for some people in an insensitive fashion.
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This is going to sound horrible but here we go...
What's the big deal anyway, you got turned down by someone who's career apparently started and will end at being a cashier. There's nothing wrong with being a cashier, but given that she's young and literally gets insulted when people tacitly seem to expect that she has a life plan (which she should, if she's in her 20's), perhaps odds are she wouldn't have the greatest relationship with a person who values education.
Call me a condescending prick, but sometimes, overly different "types" of people don't match well. Sometimes they do but I wouldn't count on myself being interested in a girl who's not at least a little ambitious.
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On October 13 2013 23:14 SixStrings wrote:
I'm still baffled by how little I know about the fairer sex.
I felt great on Friday, so while grocery shopping, I simply asked out the cashier, which is weird, because I'm that bold.
I didn't even think about it, she just smiled at me as her profession requires and it came over me.
What is even weirder, is that it didn't creep her out and she just said yes.
So we meet for a little a chat, she asks me what I do, I tell her, I ask her what she does, she gets red in the face, says something about: "You know I'm a cashier, why do you ask that?"
And I go: "Well I figured you're a student as well."
Apparently, that was the worst thing I could have said, for she got really defensive and rather angry.
I tried telling her that I didn't mean anything by it, and she calls me a condescending prick.
I'm sure I wasn't being nasty about it, I don't even understand what's bad about working at a grocery store.
Eh a lot of girls can be easily offended. Clearly she's insecure about being a cashier (not that there's anything at all wrong with that).
At the same time you 100% should have seen this potential pot hole a mile away. It's always best not to assume anything on a first date/meeting with a girl and that way you're less likely to talk your way into accidentally pissing her off or offending her.
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On October 13 2013 23:25 Reason wrote:If you'd just asked if she studies as well it would be no problem, but to meet in her in place of work and then ask her "what do you do" seems a little dumb, because you already know. You then put the expectation of her studying to her as if it wasn't enough that she was simply a cashier, rather than it being an innocent question. If your peers are studying at university and getting proper careers in industry and you're just working in a shop as a cashier it's probably a bit of a sore spot that I'm sure in future you will approach more delicately
I wouldn't even have assumed that, if I didn't live in a small town with a large university. You call it a little dumb, perhaps you are right, but living here, this is a very assumption to make.
On October 13 2013 23:47 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:
At the same time you 100% should have seen this potential pot hole a mile away. It's always best not to assume anything on a first date/meeting with a girl and that way you're less likely to talk your way into accidentally pissing her off or offending her.
You're right, I should have. But I'm an idiot, I spent the first 5 years of my "adult" life with the same girl and am really clumsy in these dating situations.
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On October 13 2013 23:38 Djzapz wrote:
This is going to sound horrible but here we go...
What's the big deal anyway, you got turned down by someone who's career apparently started and will end at being a cashier. There's nothing wrong with being a cashier, but given that she's young and literally gets insulted when people tacitly seem to expect that she has a life plan (which she should, if she's in her 20's), perhaps odds are she wouldn't have the greatest relationship with a person who values education.
Call me a condescending prick, but sometimes, overly different "types" of people don't match well. Sometimes they do but I wouldn't count on myself being interested in a girl who's not at least a little ambitious.
I don't know about you or other guys but personally so long as the girl is doing something (i.e not unemployed) I couldn't really give less of a shit what that something is (barring prostitution, stripping etc..). Looks and personality are way more important for me. I'd say most guys want a girl they can take care of not one who make's x amount of money and doesn't need you at all.
On October 13 2013 23:29 Najda wrote:
She is just insecure about it for whatever reason and seems emberassed she isn't goin to school. There's no real way for you to have known that though so she shouldn't have reacted like that but people aren't always rational. I can sort of see how asking what she does while you know she is a cashier sort of implies that you think it's an unimportant part of your life but it doesn't warrant a reaction like that.
He should have been thinking a few steps ahead and wouldn't have offended her. Anyone can see that if you ask a question like that and the answer is no she isn't a student (which is one of the two possible answers to that question), that she's going to feel at best a little inadequate and at worst think you're an arrogant, condescending douchebag (which is basically what happened).
Random girls you meet are going to judge you really damn fast so anything dumb or rude you say is going to come back on you pretty hard when you've only got a few minutes to a few hours to impress her.
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1019 Posts
One of my friends (who is really good with girls) gave me some advice, saying that when you get a girl's number or facebook, the last thing you want to do is text her asking her out for lunch or something. He said that the first step you should take is just texting her saying hi or starting a conversation without any kind of date advances. I tend to agree with this advice and when I meet new girls, I deliberately avoid asking them out until much later, after we have become a little more "friendly" with each other.
What do you all think about this?
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On October 14 2013 00:03 white_horse wrote:
One of my friends (who is really good with girls) gave me some advice, saying that when you get a girl's number or facebook, the last thing you want to do is text her asking her out for lunch or something. He said that the first step you should take is just texting her saying hi or starting a conversation without any kind of date advances. I tend to agree with this advice and when I meet new girls, I deliberately avoid asking them out until much later, after we have become a little more "friendly" with each other.
What do you all think about this?
just be direct unless you like the friend zone, no point to pretend you are not interested in someone more than a friend. Save the time and move on.
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On October 14 2013 00:03 white_horse wrote:
One of my friends (who is really good with girls) gave me some advice, saying that when you get a girl's number or facebook, the last thing you want to do is text her asking her out for lunch or something. He said that the first step you should take is just texting her saying hi or starting a conversation without any kind of date advances. I tend to agree with this advice and when I meet new girls, I deliberately avoid asking them out until much later, after we have become a little more "friendly" with each other.
What do you all think about this?
I think it depends on the circumstances of your getting that number. Were you already talking for a long time, even bringing up going on a date? Then ask about it right away. But otherwise, I guess what he said makes sense.
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On October 14 2013 00:03 white_horse wrote:
One of my friends (who is really good with girls) gave me some advice, saying that when you get a girl's number or facebook, the last thing you want to do is text her asking her out for lunch or something. He said that the first step you should take is just texting her saying hi or starting a conversation without any kind of date advances. I tend to agree with this advice and when I meet new girls, I deliberately avoid asking them out until much later, after we have become a little more "friendly" with each other.
What do you all think about this?
In my opinion in totally depends on the context in which you've met the girl.
I mean if the girl isn't already a friend or at least someone you know at work/school then how did you end up with her number in the first place without hitting on her? If the girl is a friend then I think the slow approach is a good one, but not too slow that you get friend zoned. Also the mystery part is pretty sexy imo and you lose that if you get too familiar with the girl.
If you don't know the girl and it's in a bar or somewhere random then I've no idea how you would get the girls number in the first place so his advice doesn't really work. If you're in a bar/club then being pretty straight up (can I buy you a drink/hey, my name's xxx, how are you doing?) works pretty well and if it's in the general public then the fake question/random other How I Met Your Mother style trick to start conversation is the way to go.
But really all of this stuff isn't nearly as important as how you look or what you do etc...? It might be that your friend is just a good looking guy and that's basically the reason he's successful not any other stuff.
Also dating is a numbers game, the most girls you ask, the more will say yes and the closer you'll get to meeting someone you really like. Going for the long con on a girl rather than just being straight up is a waste of time unless you're 100% convinced this is the girl for you.
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On October 14 2013 00:03 white_horse wrote:
One of my friends (who is really good with girls) gave me some advice, saying that when you get a girl's number or facebook, the last thing you want to do is text her asking her out for lunch or something. He said that the first step you should take is just texting her saying hi or starting a conversation without any kind of date advances. I tend to agree with this advice and when I meet new girls, I deliberately avoid asking them out until much later, after we have become a little more "friendly" with each other.
What do you all think about this?
If you ask for a girl's number then just start msg chatting instead of asking them on a date it's pretty wierd. Just meet up for coffee/lunch/dinner asap. Adding them on facebook on the other hand means nothing, so chat away and enjoy the friend zone.
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On October 13 2013 23:55 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:Show nested quote +On October 13 2013 23:38 Djzapz wrote:
This is going to sound horrible but here we go...
What's the big deal anyway, you got turned down by someone who's career apparently started and will end at being a cashier. There's nothing wrong with being a cashier, but given that she's young and literally gets insulted when people tacitly seem to expect that she has a life plan (which she should, if she's in her 20's), perhaps odds are she wouldn't have the greatest relationship with a person who values education.
Call me a condescending prick, but sometimes, overly different "types" of people don't match well. Sometimes they do but I wouldn't count on myself being interested in a girl who's not at least a little ambitious. I don't know about you or other guys but personally so long as the girl is doing something (i.e not unemployed) I couldn't really give less of a shit what that something is (barring prostitution, stripping etc..). Looks and personality are way more important for me. I'd say most guys want a girl they can take care of not one who make's x amount of money and doesn't need you at all.
I don't care about the money, I'm interested in what drives the person. A girl who's career is limited to being a cashier is probably not going to be interesting to me personally. And I'm sure there are exceptions - girls out there who have a terrible career path and yet manage to be awesome in other ways. But I can't imagine it working out for me.
I liked that my ex was passionate about something that mattered at least in some regards. She was an architect, she made things and she was proud of her work. She took me to a place 3 hours away from where we lived to show me a crazy house that she had designed to fuck around. It had been built, and she was so proud because it was her first. She would show me these blueprints that I didn't understand and she was truly proud of her work.
She would come back home after a 12 hour day of work completely exhausted, having spotted major problems in someone else's work that probably saved someone else's ass.
And she did talk about work a lot but it was good because her life was not limited to making money to stay alive. She designed things that were then going to be built. And she was passionate about other stuff. She had plans to travel, she wanted to design our house (sigh), and for the most part, she was interested in politics and just knowing shit in general. Important stuff. We could have discussions about things that matter.
Driven girls are more interesting. And again, there's nothing wrong with being a cashier, but I think I would have too many dissimilarities with them to really date them.
Now perhaps I'm a little bit prejudiced. I like to talk to people who have substance and I fucking loathe small talk of the kind that I hear at the hair salon. I feel like a girl who's a cashier 40 hours a week has less space in her life to live experiences that I'd want to discuss... And probably isn't interested nearly in the same thing as I am anyway.
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In general I just hate having conversations via text or facebook because of how indirect/impersonal it is. It's okay for a little bit of small talk or flirting but anything with substance is better left for in person.
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Friendzone is a myth.
If you look attractive to her and have a great personality (aka charism), a girl can be attracted by you for a very long time...
In fact, thats men who tend to become friend with a girl they like because they dont believe in their chances and dont have the balls to go beyond that.
And just a tip to those who dont believe in their chances :
most of the girls you'll be attracted to will be in your "league" (i hate this term).
Thats how we are designed. We dont get attracted to things that are out of range.
So if you like a girl, theres a lot of chances shes attracted to you too...
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EPT
