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On October 14 2013 07:28 docvoc wrote: - on the subject of the Friend Zone.
There is no such thing. The friend zone is literally like saying that having a girl you like who doesn't like you is like getting half of what you should be. It's a terrible way of thinking about it. There is no such thing, being friends with a girl is completely possible, but that doesn't make the friendzone a thing.
So when a girl likes you, but doesn't find you sexually attractive what does that make you? A friend, aka you're in the friend zone. That's all there is to it.
There is no such thing. The friend zone is literally like saying that having a girl you like who doesn't like you is like getting half of what you should be. It's a terrible way of thinking about it. There is no such thing, being friends with a girl is completely possible, but that doesn't make the friendzone a thing.
So when a girl likes you, but doesn't find you sexually attractive what does that make you? A friend, aka you're in the friend zone. That's all there is to it.
Attraction is fluent as hell. It can be built, it can be lost. Not to mention that friendzoning girls yourself that are attracted to you can have immense benefits. As I said earlier, it's also not hard to escalate from some artificial friendzone, just someone who ends there by accident doesn't have the experience or knowledge to do so in most cases.
There is no such thing. The friend zone is literally like saying that having a girl you like who doesn't like you is like getting half of what you should be. It's a terrible way of thinking about it. There is no such thing, being friends with a girl is completely possible, but that doesn't make the friendzone a thing.
So when a girl likes you, but doesn't find you sexually attractive what does that make you? A friend, aka you're in the friend zone. That's all there is to it.
This is a discussion about semantics. But what I understand under the so-called "friend zone" is a situation, when a guy with romantic/sexual intentions toward a girl is manipulated/deceived by the girl for her own benefit. By hinting that something might be possible in the future between the two, these girls get attention to bolster their self-esteem and get material benefits, while in reality there is no possibility for anything to happen between the two. Now, in this situation I blame the girl and to a lesser extent the emotionally fooled guy.
However a lot of guys perceive something like that has happened to them, although the girl just is not interested and might have tried to communicate this to them too subtle. And thus the widespread use of this scenario, where the girl is not at fault.
Now, I want to make sure that you guys get that I do not generalize here and that I am aware that what I described happens only to a fraction of people. And maybe I just have a different interpretation of the term "friend zone" than the majority. But defining what we are talking about, before actually discussing it, is something people usually forget.
PS: I think, if you as a girl say to a guy who has a crush on you that "he is so nice, that you will marry him in 15 years", that you are guilty of playing with his emotions. Of course their could be poor judgement or misunderstandings. But such phrases cause the guy to get his hopes up and/or feel inferior, for he is nothing but a back-up plan, second choice. Personally I would even use the term degrading.
There is no such thing. The friend zone is literally like saying that having a girl you like who doesn't like you is like getting half of what you should be. It's a terrible way of thinking about it. There is no such thing, being friends with a girl is completely possible, but that doesn't make the friendzone a thing.
So when a girl likes you, but doesn't find you sexually attractive what does that make you? A friend, aka you're in the friend zone. That's all there is to it.
This is a discussion about semantics. But what I understand under the so-called "friend zone" is a situation, when a guy with romantic/sexual intentions toward a girl is manipulated/deceived by the girl for her own benefit. By hinting that something might be possible in the future between the two, these girls get attention to bolster their self-esteem and get material benefits, while in reality there is no possibility for anything to happen between the two. Now, in this situation I blame the girl and to a lesser extent the emotionally fooled guy.
However a lot of guys perceive something like that has happened to them, although the girl just is not interested and might have tried to communicate this to them too subtle. And thus the widespread use of this scenario, where the girl is not at fault.
Now, I want to make sure that you guys get that I do not generalize here and that I am aware that what I described happens only to a fraction of people. And maybe I just have a different interpretation of the term "friend zone" than the majority. But defining what we are talking about, before actually discussing it, is something people usually forget.
PS: I think, if you as a girl say to a guy who has a crush on you that "he is so nice, that you will marry him in 15 years", that you are guilty of playing with his emotions. Of course their could be poor judgement or misunderstandings. But such phrases cause the guy to get his hopes up and/or feel inferior, for he is nothing but a back-up plan, second choice. Personally I would even use the term degrading.
I wont speak to anybody's experience but my own with this. It is my experience that the "subtlety" is going both ways 99% of the time (the other 1% being the manipulative girls you mention). When I am not interested in a guy I'm not looking for hints of attraction. When I am interested in a guy I read into every detail and expect the same in return. It is this difference, not the emotional one, that causes all the problems. The clueless object of desire hurts the guy without knowing it and when the inevitable anger and frustration come up, one side doesn't know why the other is mad and one is mad at the other for not knowing.
I know it is super uncomfortable, but you are way better off being direct. It may feel unnatural and maybe even less special in the moment but keep your eyes on the prize. The person is special, at least to you, the rest is just fluff.
There is no such thing. The friend zone is literally like saying that having a girl you like who doesn't like you is like getting half of what you should be. It's a terrible way of thinking about it. There is no such thing, being friends with a girl is completely possible, but that doesn't make the friendzone a thing.
So when a girl likes you, but doesn't find you sexually attractive what does that make you? A friend, aka you're in the friend zone. That's all there is to it.
This is a discussion about semantics. But what I understand under the so-called "friend zone" is a situation, when a guy with romantic/sexual intentions toward a girl is manipulated/deceived by the girl for her own benefit. By hinting that something might be possible in the future between the two, these girls get attention to bolster their self-esteem and get material benefits, while in reality there is no possibility for anything to happen between the two. Now, in this situation I blame the girl and to a lesser extent the emotionally fooled guy.
However a lot of guys perceive something like that has happened to them, although the girl just is not interested and might have tried to communicate this to them too subtle. And thus the widespread use of this scenario, where the girl is not at fault.
Now, I want to make sure that you guys get that I do not generalize here and that I am aware that what I described happens only to a fraction of people. And maybe I just have a different interpretation of the term "friend zone" than the majority. But defining what we are talking about, before actually discussing it, is something people usually forget.
PS: I think, if you as a girl say to a guy who has a crush on you that "he is so nice, that you will marry him in 15 years", that you are guilty of playing with his emotions. Of course their could be poor judgement or misunderstandings. But such phrases cause the guy to get his hopes up and/or feel inferior, for he is nothing but a back-up plan, second choice. Personally I would even use the term degrading.
I wont speak to anybody's experience but my own with this. It is my experience that the "subtlety" is going both ways 99% of the time (the other 1% being the manipulative girls you mention). When I am not interested in a guy I'm not looking for hints of attraction. When I am interested in a guy I read into every detail and expect the same in return. It is this difference, not the emotional one, that causes all the problems. The clueless object of desire hurts the guy without knowing it and when the inevitable anger and frustration come up, one side doesn't know why the other is mad and one is mad at the other for not knowing.
I know it is super uncomfortable, but you are way better off being direct. It may feel unnatural and maybe even less special in the moment but keep your eyes on the prize. The person is special, at least to you, the rest is just fluff.
I agree with you. While there is a small minority of manipulative girls (and guys), the majority of emotional harm is done unintentionally.
While a direct approach is safest in that regard, commonly the dancing around the bush when it comes to dating is the norm. At least that is my perception, and I am known to be direct and socially clumsy.
Hey doods. Long time lurker of this thread. Got out of a 3.5 year relationship about 5 weeks ago, the gf ended it with me cause she was/is into another dude. Was pretty torn up about it but deep down knew it sort of had to happen eventually (I'm only 22, too young to start looking to settle down) so recently been looking at it as a blessing in disguise. We booked a trip overseas for 2 weeks before we broke up which we are still going to go on as friends. I understand this is probably a bad idea but it's happening so I just have two questions;
1. Any general advice on how to go on this trip together and have it not suck? Maybe someone here has been in a similar situation.
2. Scored a 'date' with a girl I hooked up with at a uni party the other night. I just turned 22 and I've spent a good 5 years in total in a relationship between two girls, ie been out of the game for longer than I've been in it. Any tips on stuff to talk about/advice on not to fuck it up? Can't even remember the last date I went on so any advice would be awesome.
Ok, if you are not really really dead inside, you should neither go on the trip with your ex nor date 5 weeks after the breakup.
You are probably not over her and and seeing her for so long in such an intimate way will do your ability to get over her no good. And concerning the date, like discussed in the last 3 pages, after 5 weeks you shouldn't try to be romantic with someone who might actually like you, as you are probably way too unstable for that right now.
On October 14 2013 20:27 Broetchenholer wrote: Ok, if you are not really really dead inside, you should neither go on the trip with your ex nor date 5 weeks after the breakup.
You are probably not over her and and seeing her for so long in such an intimate way will do your ability to get over her no good. And concerning the date, like discussed in the last 3 pages, after 5 weeks you shouldn't try to be romantic with someone who might actually like you, as you are probably way too unstable for that right now.
Trip isn't until December, and I said 'date' in quotation marks cause we are just catching up for coffee after a random hookup, I wouldn't actually call it a date...probably should have clarified in OP.
Edit: I do understand that I shouldn't be getting serious with anyone right now, but I don't think sulking around and refusing to get to know new people is the best way to move on with life.
On October 14 2013 20:27 Broetchenholer wrote: You are probably not over her and and seeing her for so long in such an intimate way will do your ability to get over her no good. And concerning the date, like discussed in the last 3 pages, after 5 weeks you shouldn't try to be romantic with someone who might actually like you, as you are probably way too unstable for that right now.
This is total bullshit. What has he got to lose by dating this girl? Nothing.
On October 14 2013 20:27 Broetchenholer wrote: You are probably not over her and and seeing her for so long in such an intimate way will do your ability to get over her no good. And concerning the date, like discussed in the last 3 pages, after 5 weeks you shouldn't try to be romantic with someone who might actually like you, as you are probably way too unstable for that right now.
This is total bullshit. What has he got to lose by dating this girl? Nothing.
Go ahead with the date regardless. If he likes her company and vice versa then keep it up. If not, well he is only 22 and it isn't the end of the world
On October 03 2013 08:42 chadissilent wrote: Girlfriend moved in, cheated 3 weeks later, makes up lies to get me kicked out of house. To be continued...
Dumped ex when I caught her, made a deal with our landlord to kick out the both of us (I had already found a place to live), now she's living with and dating the guy she cheated on me with. I hooked up with her this weekend and she wants to "hang out" again today. Hate-fucking is so much fun, especially when it's payback for him and you no longer care about her.
On October 14 2013 00:25 dafunk wrote: Thats how we are designed. We dont get attracted to things that are out of range. So if you like a girl, theres a lot of chances shes attracted to you too...
Managed to meet the girl of my dreams after some typical high school / college relationships. I am going into the Air Force in December and she's going to college soon to become a veterinarian. I currently live in TX and she in TN (We have visited eachother many times and I'm currently living at her house for a little now before I leave) does anyone know how to keep a relationship like this going through basic/tech school?
On October 18 2013 02:45 Dragonskin wrote: Managed to meet the girl of my dreams after some typical high school / college relationships. I am going into the Air Force in December and she's going to college soon to become a veterinarian. I currently live in TX and she in TN (We have visited eachother many times and I'm currently living at her house for a little now before I leave) does anyone know how to keep a relationship like this going through basic/tech school?
On October 18 2013 02:45 Dragonskin wrote: Managed to meet the girl of my dreams after some typical high school / college relationships. I am going into the Air Force in December and she's going to college soon to become a veterinarian. I currently live in TX and she in TN (We have visited eachother many times and I'm currently living at her house for a little now before I leave) does anyone know how to keep a relationship like this going through basic/tech school?
It's going to have to rely on trustworthy commitment. I've been dating my girlfriend for 11 months now, soon to get engaged. If I suddenly picked up and went into the military, I know she would still be committed to me. Can you honestly say your girlfriend will?
Part of trusting a long-distance relationship, or one that is "apart" for a while due to things like the military, is knowing what you truly want. If this girl is not crazy or in a desperate need to get married, and if she loves you, then she will likely wait for you and stay in touch with you any way she can.
Look at other things as well... does she support your desire to join the air force? Does she express the interest in waiting for you to get back? Does she assure you that things will be okay while you're gone?
On October 18 2013 02:45 Dragonskin wrote: Managed to meet the girl of my dreams after some typical high school / college relationships. I am going into the Air Force in December and she's going to college soon to become a veterinarian. I currently live in TX and she in TN (We have visited eachother many times and I'm currently living at her house for a little now before I leave) does anyone know how to keep a relationship like this going through basic/tech school?
Work on your penmanship; hand written letters are powerful.
On October 18 2013 02:45 Dragonskin wrote: Managed to meet the girl of my dreams after some typical high school / college relationships. I am going into the Air Force in December and she's going to college soon to become a veterinarian. I currently live in TX and she in TN (We have visited eachother many times and I'm currently living at her house for a little now before I leave) does anyone know how to keep a relationship like this going through basic/tech school?
It's going to have to rely on trustworthy commitment. I've been dating my girlfriend for 11 months now, soon to get engaged. If I suddenly picked up and went into the military, I know she would still be committed to me. Can you honestly say your girlfriend will?
Part of trusting a long-distance relationship, or one that is "apart" for a while due to things like the military, is knowing what you truly want. If this girl is not crazy or in a desperate need to get married, and if she loves you, then she will likely wait for you and stay in touch with you any way she can.
Look at other things as well... does she support your desire to join the air force? Does she express the interest in waiting for you to get back? Does she assure you that things will be okay while you're gone?
Well we met long distance and are making it work both long and short. She isn't crazy or desperate to get married. She has expressed interest in keeping us going throughout the entire trip of basic/tech school. Was more curious on if anyone had a specific experience like mine is all
On October 14 2013 20:27 Broetchenholer wrote: Ok, if you are not really really dead inside, you should neither go on the trip with your ex nor date 5 weeks after the breakup.
You are probably not over her and and seeing her for so long in such an intimate way will do your ability to get over her no good. And concerning the date, like discussed in the last 3 pages, after 5 weeks you shouldn't try to be romantic with someone who might actually like you, as you are probably way too unstable for that right now.
Trip isn't until December, and I said 'date' in quotation marks cause we are just catching up for coffee after a random hookup, I wouldn't actually call it a date...probably should have clarified in OP.
Edit: I do understand that I shouldn't be getting serious with anyone right now, but I don't think sulking around and refusing to get to know new people is the best way to move on with life.
I know that you "know" this already, but I can not reiterate enough how bad of an idea it is for you to both go on that trip in December. If you paid for the trip you should just totally revoke her pass and see if you can bring someone else.
Best way to get over people is to get under someone else. Don't listen to Broetchenholer.
On October 14 2013 20:27 Broetchenholer wrote: Ok, if you are not really really dead inside, you should neither go on the trip with your ex nor date 5 weeks after the breakup.
You are probably not over her and and seeing her for so long in such an intimate way will do your ability to get over her no good. And concerning the date, like discussed in the last 3 pages, after 5 weeks you shouldn't try to be romantic with someone who might actually like you, as you are probably way too unstable for that right now.
Trip isn't until December, and I said 'date' in quotation marks cause we are just catching up for coffee after a random hookup, I wouldn't actually call it a date...probably should have clarified in OP.
Edit: I do understand that I shouldn't be getting serious with anyone right now, but I don't think sulking around and refusing to get to know new people is the best way to move on with life.
Best way to get over people is to get under someone else. Don't listen to Broetchenholer.
Because you, sir, are unequivocally versed in the ways of women and vagina. It is said that "IgnE", of the General Forum on TeamLiquid.net has slept with girls 1000x hotter than the hottest girl you have ever seen. He's lived his life in ways that even Charlie Sheen envies. The Most Interesting Man in the World passes HIM Dos Equis beers. All that IgnE mentions must be taken with utmost seriousness, as the Oracles of Delphi cannot refute his predictions. IgnE is from the ablative case of the Latin word "Ignis", translated "Fire", which he lights in the hearts of all women who meet his gaze. Therefore, disregard Broetchenholer, as he is clearly beta and has never seen female genitalia. Also he likes honey mustard, which only nerds like.
The best way to get over someone is to get over someone. Everyone is different. There is no one answer or way to get over someone.
On October 14 2013 20:27 Broetchenholer wrote: Ok, if you are not really really dead inside, you should neither go on the trip with your ex nor date 5 weeks after the breakup.
You are probably not over her and and seeing her for so long in such an intimate way will do your ability to get over her no good. And concerning the date, like discussed in the last 3 pages, after 5 weeks you shouldn't try to be romantic with someone who might actually like you, as you are probably way too unstable for that right now.
Trip isn't until December, and I said 'date' in quotation marks cause we are just catching up for coffee after a random hookup, I wouldn't actually call it a date...probably should have clarified in OP.
Edit: I do understand that I shouldn't be getting serious with anyone right now, but I don't think sulking around and refusing to get to know new people is the best way to move on with life.
Best way to get over people is to get under someone else. Don't listen to Broetchenholer.
Because you, sir, are unequivocally versed in the ways of women and vagina. It is said that "IgnE", of the General Forum on TeamLiquid.net has slept with girls 1000x hotter than the hottest girl you have ever seen. He's lived his life in ways that even Charlie Sheen envies. The Most Interesting Man in the World passes HIM Dos Equis beers. All that IgnE mentions must be taken with utmost seriousness, as the Oracles of Delphi cannot refute his predictions. IgnE is from the ablative case of the Latin word "Ignis", translated "Fire", which he lights in the hearts of all women who meet his gaze. Therefore, disregard Broetchenholer, as he is clearly beta and has never seen female genitalia. Also he likes honey mustard, which only nerds like.
The best way to get over someone is to get over someone. Everyone is different. There is no one answer or way to get over someone.
Thanks for white knighting for all the betas in this thread. It's good you cleared that up for them.
Here's an unequivocally bad way to get over someone: blow off the girl you just met because the betas in this thread say you aren't ready for a relationship. Spend the next two months sexless and pining for the girl you spent the last 42 months with as she fucks another dude. Then go on a trip with her as "just a friend" while you secretly harbor hopes that she will realize she has made a terrible mistake, which won't happen.
EPT
