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On October 14 2013 00:25 dafunk wrote: Friendzone is a myth.
If you look attractive to her and have a great personality (aka charism), a girl can be attracted by you for a very long time...
In fact, thats men who tend to become friend with a girl they like because they dont believe in their chances and dont have the balls to go beyond that.
And just a tip to those who dont believe in their chances : most of the girls you'll be attracted to will be in your "league" (i hate this term). Thats how we are designed. We dont get attracted to things that are out of range. So if you like a girl, theres a lot of chances shes attracted to you too...
so friend zone isnt a myth? be direct or you going to have another crush as a friend?
On October 14 2013 00:25 dafunk wrote: Thats how we are designed. We dont get attracted to things that are out of range. So if you like a girl, theres a lot of chances shes attracted to you too...
I'm attracted to solid 10's sometimes, perhaps I'm hotter than I think and my scale is simply off by 20 lbs :D. I don't think so
On October 14 2013 00:25 dafunk wrote: Friendzone is a myth.
If you look attractive to her and have a great personality (aka charism), a girl can be attracted by you for a very long time...
In fact, thats men who tend to become friend with a girl they like because they dont believe in their chances and dont have the balls to go beyond that.
And just a tip to those who dont believe in their chances : most of the girls you'll be attracted to will be in your "league" (i hate this term). Thats how we are designed. We dont get attracted to things that are out of range. So if you like a girl, theres a lot of chances shes attracted to you too...
so friend zone isnt a myth? be direct or you going to have another crush as a friend?
The way I understand friendzone when men talk about it is "I had my chances with her but wasnt direct enough and didnt seized my chance". Wich is totally incorrect.
If a girl says "I like you, but only as a friend...", you were never an option to her anyway.
On October 14 2013 00:25 dafunk wrote: Thats how we are designed. We dont get attracted to things that are out of range. So if you like a girl, theres a lot of chances shes attracted to you too...
I'm attracted to solid 10's sometimes, perhaps I'm hotter than I think and my scale is simply off by 20 lbs :D. I don't think so
Maybe I should've been more specific. We are all attracted by beautiful women, but you're attracted to what she looks like.
I was referring to "I like her, I think there's something between us but I'm not sure..."
On October 14 2013 00:25 dafunk wrote: Friendzone is a myth.
If you look attractive to her and have a great personality (aka charism), a girl can be attracted by you for a very long time...
In fact, thats men who tend to become friend with a girl they like because they dont believe in their chances and dont have the balls to go beyond that.
And just a tip to those who dont believe in their chances : most of the girls you'll be attracted to will be in your "league" (i hate this term). Thats how we are designed. We dont get attracted to things that are out of range. So if you like a girl, theres a lot of chances shes attracted to you too...
so friend zone isnt a myth? be direct or you going to have another crush as a friend?
The way I understand friendzone when men talk about it is "I had my chances with her but wasnt direct enough and didnt seized my chance". Wich is totally incorrect.
If a girl says "I like you, but only as a friend...", you were never an option to her anyway.
"I like you, but only as a friend..." is like the definition of the friend zone lol, it doesn't matter if she found you appealing in the past or not.
Also the bolded statement is a complete fallacy and I'm surprised you posted it.
On October 14 2013 00:25 dafunk wrote: Friendzone is a myth.
If you look attractive to her and have a great personality (aka charism), a girl can be attracted by you for a very long time...
In fact, thats men who tend to become friend with a girl they like because they dont believe in their chances and dont have the balls to go beyond that.
And just a tip to those who dont believe in their chances : most of the girls you'll be attracted to will be in your "league" (i hate this term). Thats how we are designed. We dont get attracted to things that are out of range. So if you like a girl, theres a lot of chances shes attracted to you too...
so friend zone isnt a myth? be direct or you going to have another crush as a friend?
The way I understand friendzone when men talk about it is "I had my chances with her but wasnt direct enough and didnt seized my chance". Wich is totally incorrect.
If a girl says "I like you, but only as a friend...", you were never an option to her anyway.
"I like you, but only as a friend..." is like the definition of the friend zone lol, it doesn't matter if she found you appealing in the past or not.
I agree. But most of the time, friendzone is bringed by men like "I didnt act with her like I should've and now I'm in her friendzone". Like an excuse to a mental barrier they establish themselves.
On October 14 2013 00:25 dafunk wrote: Friendzone is a myth.
If you look attractive to her and have a great personality (aka charism), a girl can be attracted by you for a very long time...
In fact, thats men who tend to become friend with a girl they like because they dont believe in their chances and dont have the balls to go beyond that.
And just a tip to those who dont believe in their chances : most of the girls you'll be attracted to will be in your "league" (i hate this term). Thats how we are designed. We dont get attracted to things that are out of range. So if you like a girl, theres a lot of chances shes attracted to you too...
so friend zone isnt a myth? be direct or you going to have another crush as a friend?
The way I understand friendzone when men talk about it is "I had my chances with her but wasnt direct enough and didnt seized my chance". Wich is totally incorrect.
If a girl says "I like you, but only as a friend...", you were never an option to her anyway.
"I like you, but only as a friend..." is like the definition of the friend zone lol, it doesn't matter if she found you appealing in the past or not.
Also the bolded statement is a complete fallacy and I'm surprised you posted it.
meh, bolded statement isn't THAT far from the truth
On October 13 2013 23:14 SixStrings wrote: I'm still baffled by how little I know about the fairer sex.
I felt great on Friday, so while grocery shopping, I simply asked out the cashier, which is weird, because I'm that bold. I didn't even think about it, she just smiled at me as her profession requires and it came over me.
What is even weirder, is that it didn't creep her out and she just said yes. So we meet for a little a chat, she asks me what I do, I tell her, I ask her what she does, she gets red in the face, says something about: "You know I'm a cashier, why do you ask that?" And I go: "Well I figured you're a student as well."
Apparently, that was the worst thing I could have said, for she got really defensive and rather angry. I tried telling her that I didn't mean anything by it, and she calls me a condescending prick.
I'm sure I wasn't being nasty about it, I don't even understand what's bad about working at a grocery store.
It's not even the first time that you assume things about people that can potentially be hurtful, even I'm pretty fuckin bold and know not to say things like that
On October 14 2013 00:25 dafunk wrote: Friendzone is a myth.
If you look attractive to her and have a great personality (aka charism), a girl can be attracted by you for a very long time...
In fact, thats men who tend to become friend with a girl they like because they dont believe in their chances and dont have the balls to go beyond that.
And just a tip to those who dont believe in their chances : most of the girls you'll be attracted to will be in your "league" (i hate this term). Thats how we are designed. We dont get attracted to things that are out of range. So if you like a girl, theres a lot of chances shes attracted to you too...
so friend zone isnt a myth? be direct or you going to have another crush as a friend?
The way I understand friendzone when men talk about it is "I had my chances with her but wasnt direct enough and didnt seized my chance". Wich is totally incorrect.
If a girl says "I like you, but only as a friend...", you were never an option to her anyway.
I don't think this is completely true. Of course a lot of times it is. But it's possible to have a scenario where a girl likes you and you like her, but you're too shy to make any moves. Then after a while she decides that either you're not interested or you have no balls -- either way she turns her affection elsewhere. Then if you come out a year later and say "I've had a crush on you forever" she'll be pretty turned off because lack of confidence is not attractive.
This situation plays out a lot, and I think it's basically where the concept of the "friendzone" came from.
On October 14 2013 00:25 dafunk wrote: Friendzone is a myth.
If you look attractive to her and have a great personality (aka charism), a girl can be attracted by you for a very long time...
In fact, thats men who tend to become friend with a girl they like because they dont believe in their chances and dont have the balls to go beyond that.
And just a tip to those who dont believe in their chances : most of the girls you'll be attracted to will be in your "league" (i hate this term). Thats how we are designed. We dont get attracted to things that are out of range. So if you like a girl, theres a lot of chances shes attracted to you too...
so friend zone isnt a myth? be direct or you going to have another crush as a friend?
The way I understand friendzone when men talk about it is "I had my chances with her but wasnt direct enough and didnt seized my chance". Wich is totally incorrect.
If a girl says "I like you, but only as a friend...", you were never an option to her anyway.
It's not hard at all to escalate from such a situation, you just need to know wtf you're doing (which, if you ended there by accident, you most likely don't) - to be fair though I usually just friendzone the girl before she does if I don't intend to make something happen right now, makes any further seduction at some later point mind boggling easy.
On October 14 2013 00:03 white_horse wrote: One of my friends (who is really good with girls) gave me some advice, saying that when you get a girl's number or facebook, the last thing you want to do is text her asking her out for lunch or something. He said that the first step you should take is just texting her saying hi or starting a conversation without any kind of date advances. I tend to agree with this advice and when I meet new girls, I deliberately avoid asking them out until much later, after we have become a little more "friendly" with each other.
What do you all think about this?
"It depends", but not just in the ways that have been mentioned before.
What he's describing is building some extra comfort to avoid her being not so sure if she should date you or not. I highly recommend this when you e.g. got the number rather quickly without much interaction or similar things. Just some casual stuff via text or call that establishes things like "I'm not threatening" / "I'm just a regular guy" - in the end you got her number primarily to date her. The date is where you intend to escalate your things which makes the main goal of your interaction via phone to.... make that date happen.
If you already built enough comfort/rapport during the interaction that got you her number this might be a bad idea - not because it puts you into a bad position, but because you don't want her to believe you're not interested at all before you secured some basic shit. If you delay things too long with someone you technically want to date asap you just increase the risk of some other guy being quicker about it than you.
Edit because we don't get these gems that often:
On October 14 2013 00:25 dafunk wrote: And just a tip to those who dont believe in their chances : most of the girls you'll be attracted to will be in your "league" (i hate this term). Thats how we are designed. We dont get attracted to things that are out of range. So if you like a girl, theres a lot of chances shes attracted to you too...
...that's basically 90% of a great direct mindset leading to success. It's completely irrelevant whether it's true or not but firmly believing in "If I'm attracted to her it means she is attracted to me" is an incredibly strong frame that's hard to resist.
On October 14 2013 00:25 dafunk wrote: Friendzone is a myth.
If you look attractive to her and have a great personality (aka charism), a girl can be attracted by you for a very long time...
In fact, thats men who tend to become friend with a girl they like because they dont believe in their chances and dont have the balls to go beyond that.
And just a tip to those who dont believe in their chances : most of the girls you'll be attracted to will be in your "league" (i hate this term). Thats how we are designed. We dont get attracted to things that are out of range. So if you like a girl, theres a lot of chances shes attracted to you too...
so friend zone isnt a myth? be direct or you going to have another crush as a friend?
The way I understand friendzone when men talk about it is "I had my chances with her but wasnt direct enough and didnt seized my chance". Wich is totally incorrect.
If a girl says "I like you, but only as a friend...", you were never an option to her anyway.
I don't think this is completely true. Of course a lot of times it is. But it's possible to have a scenario where a girl likes you and you like her, but you're too shy to make any moves. Then after a while she decides that either you're not interested or you have no balls -- either way she turns her affection elsewhere. Then if you come out a year later and say "I've had a crush on you forever" she'll be pretty turned off because lack of confidence is not attractive.
This situation plays out a lot, and I think it's basically where the concept of the "friendzone" came from.
You're right. But I dont think that plays out a lot. You have to know her for a long time and spend a lot of time with her. If you only see her from time to time there should still be the "will we make a move toward each other ?" game everytime you meet.
Honestly I find it a bit uncomfortable when people text/msg me after only meeting me once or twice (and if they're not working with me on a project or something like that), so I just don't text/msg people unless I already know them pretty well. This includes texting a simple "hi" or something like that, which I think is pretty vapid, personally -- and, from my experience, as huge a red flag for interest as "hey, want to get coffee sometime later this week?" Sure, it's less direct (and hypothetically subtler), but think about it this way: if a girl you met once or twice a few days ago texts/messages you "hi!" out of the blue and continues on with small talk, then I think most guys are going to assume she's interested one way or another. (Heck, look at all the girl blogs on this site, where if a girl manages to hold a conversation with them, the guys assume interest on her part.)
I guess it depends on if you want to hide your interest or not. I tend to disagree with hiding interest, because I find the entire notion of "the person who shows the least interest has the most power in the relationship" really fucking stupid (and if someone wants to play that with me, then sorry, I'm not interested), but if you do want to pretend disinterest for whatever reason and you want to act "natural," just don't contact them until you actually have something to say or to invite them to (e.g. a party, dinner with other friends, etc.).
Admittedly, there are some people who are really good at this texting thing and making it seem natural, but that's because it'll feel like an extension of their personality. If they come off as extroverted, and they seem to commonly meet friends/people for coffee, then it won't seem out of the ordinary. But if you seem introverted at first and text them first, it will seem out of line with your personality and will set off an alarm.
When you meet a girl in any context she either a) Doesn't like you/is indifferent to you, b) Likes you sexually or c) Just likes your personality.
Option C is the friend zone. Now obviously if you're suddenly win the lottery and spend the money transforming into Brad Pitt you'll be able to stroll right on out of that friend zone no problem. But in normal circumstances the effort it takes to get out of the friend is either insurmountable or isn't worth it when there's billions of other girls out there.
The idea that you can get too close to a girl and become friend zoned when had you been more distant you could have had a shot with her is mostly bullshit though imo. Unless you do something to make her think you're an asshole then she either likes you sexually or she doesn't.
On October 14 2013 03:17 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote: When you meet a girl in any context she either a) Doesn't like you/is indifferent to you, b) Likes you sexually or c) Just likes your personality.
Option C is the friend zone. Now obviously if you're suddenly win the lottery and spend the money transforming into Brad Pitt you'll be able to stroll right on out of that friend zone no problem. But in normal circumstances the effort it takes to get out of the friend is either insurmountable or isn't worth it when there's billions of other girls out there..
There is zero effort in escalating sexually with someone who "only sees you as a friend" assuming you built attraction before or during the friendship. It's not hard to go out with a woman, meet a new woman in the process that you friend zone hard as fuck right there (zero sexual references, literally just "haha you seem cool to hang out with" to not jinx things with the woman you started out with in the first place) - you then treat the new woman as someone who is "just a buddy" - and if you feel like it you can escalate into something sexual with no issue at any later point in time.
Even better, you can build attraction and rapport with a woman that you friendzoned without any shit tests because "hey, he's not into me anyway". You can even fit in brag stories which don't look like brags because "hey, he's just treating me like one of the guys". Being in some artificial thing called "friendzone" isn't mutually exclusive with attraction being present. The only real obstacle when trying to escalate from there will be getting through the bullshit of "omg will this ruin things between us?"
@babylon: When I talked about random texting for more comfort I didn't mean a simple "hi". For me personally it usually means continuing some conversation loops back from when I met her - mostly to also make things easy for her. The safebet is always along the lines of "omg I just realized / remembered / wanted to add to xyz" - whether it's about a book, a song name or some random hobby, it doesn't really matter. Just do all the casual horrible things that you heard about you shouldn't do when trying to get with a woman. All those things are usually very comfort/rapport heavy and lack building attraction - exactly what you want when trying to set up a date.
e: your edit is basically what I'm trying to say. w/e, all good. =P
On October 14 2013 03:17 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote: When you meet a girl in any context she either a) Doesn't like you/is indifferent to you, b) Likes you sexually or c) Just likes your personality.
Option C is the friend zone. Now obviously if you're suddenly win the lottery and spend the money transforming into Brad Pitt you'll be able to stroll right on out of that friend zone no problem. But in normal circumstances the effort it takes to get out of the friend is either insurmountable or isn't worth it when there's billions of other girls out there.
The idea that you can get too close to a girl and become friend zoned when had you been more distant you could have had a shot with her is mostly bullshit though imo. Unless you do something to make her think you're an asshole then she either likes you sexually or she doesn't.
Eh, I agree with your last paragraph but honestly either a girl is attracted to you or not. If a girl just likes your personality but does not find you attractive physically she probably won't make it seem like she's attracted to you in general. I think rather than redefining friendzone we should just drop it all together. It's just not a thing. Even the grammatical structure of it -something that a girl does to a guy - is problematic since most of the people I know who complain about friendzoning IRL are these socially awkward guys who go after girls way out of their leagues. It's dumb to antagonize a girl who diplomatically rejects someone that isn't up to her standards.
I also have a bit of a problem myself that isn't quite worthy of a girl blog, but it's kind of a difficult situation so hopefully you guys could help me out. I met this girl at this summer residential program and we kinda hit it off, but since I liked her a lot I didn't want to come on too strong. We mostly just watched movies, talked, and texted each other at night. It was pretty obvious that she was interested in me and I interested in her, but I still never even kissed her (in hindsight there were two times I can think of where I probably should have, but didn't. oh well).
Well the program ended and she stayed interested in me... for a bit. She texted me basically every night for a month until school started up again, which was alright by me. We live 2 hours away from each other so I can't really go see her except for on weekends, and even then there aren't many opportunities for me to spend an entire day on travel + date. So I never asked her on a date all that time (I also didn't have transportation which is another story). She started texting me less and less when school started, and now when I text her she usually tells me that she's doing homework or something. She has extremely strict parents but tbh homework seems like a complete bullshit excuse to me. Obviously, reading between the lines it seems like she just doesn't like me anymore, but she might just be acting weird.
I find it hard to believe that she just completely lost interest in me unless she found somebody else or her parents shut her down. I think she really liked me a lot. Fortunately, I have transportation now and it would be no problem to drive to her city and take her on a date, but I don't even know if she would say yes at this point or some bs about being busy.
Basically my question is if you guys think she is still interested in me or if I should just give up and move on to someone else.
Your real issue wasn't that you didn't kiss her but that you didn't do the things beforehand that made a kiss completely natural. Cuddle, be over her, massages, those kind of things make a kiss just a small deal. If it's a big deal for some reason you fucked up beforehand.
Well I did do other things like cuddle and there were a few moments where I beat myself up later because it would have been natural to kiss her and I didn't. Also it was a high school program run by my state, so there were pretty strict rules about what was not allowed (no PDA, no going to opposite sex dorms, etc.) so it was kind of difficult for such an opportunity to present itself in the first place.
At such a point it's more about what most likely makes you feel best and less about how2getgirl in my opinion. Personally, in your shoes, I'd regret not giving it another shot more than giving it one and getting rejected. Realistically however you're still 2h apart, don't have means to regularly date and the interaction sounds as if it died down a lot so there isn't much to go on.
Emotional issues rarely care about realism though. It's really up to you to figure out which worst case would be cooler for you. The main thing to keep in mind should be that you could have acted differently to turn your interaction into a different angle, so even if it might be easier when you do get rejected: Don't put blame on her pls.
IF you want to give it a go what you need to avoid at all costs is popping seemingly out of nowhere and being like "yo yo yo wanna date next weekend?" - your best bet would be finding something cool and fun to do together and see if things spark again. Just make sure you don't invest more than you're fine losing, both emotionally and monetarily.
There is no such thing. The friend zone is literally like saying that having a girl you like who doesn't like you is like getting half of what you should be. It's a terrible way of thinking about it. There is no such thing, being friends with a girl is completely possible, but that doesn't make the friendzone a thing.
EPT
I don't think so
