|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On August 25 2013 03:17 Falling wrote:
This had better not turn into another PUA thread. We already had one of those and it got closed.
This please. I want to post things but don't want to contribute to the problem so all you people just agree to disagree and we can all be friends and go back to what this topic is actually supposed to be about ^_^
My dating luck is lackluster a few (more specifically 4) months ago broke up with girlfriend I had been living with for a year, then had a few people onf interests sort of going on a little while but last month or two something has been pretty much completely standstill going by previous standards.
|
On August 25 2013 03:50 dAPhREAk wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2013 03:33 aTnClouD wrote:On August 25 2013 03:22 DemigodcelpH wrote:On August 25 2013 03:01 aTnClouD wrote:
Ignorant people are the ones who talk the most. They have no idea what a neg is and it's such an outdated concept in the first place that nowadays PUAs don't use it but instead use what are called "false disqualifiers". Both negs and disqualifiers aren't insults btw. Negs are definitely insults because they're designed to lower self-esteem, and False DQs are ways for men without much going on in their life to falsely appear like they have standards. False DQs are another example of PUA information simply being flat out wrong because any girl who isn't school age will have enough social experience with men to tell when a guy is trying to conceal his interest. "Hmm this guy approached me which means that, no matter how aloof he tries to act, he's attracted to me" "And my social experience as a young woman tells me that every man my age wants to fuck" "But here he is feeding me a line about how I'm 'not his type' " Guaranteed to turn any potential prospect off. There's almost no situation where a young woman would believe a false DQ outside of being drunk. Both tactics of these tactics brought to you by the minds of PUA "leaders" who expect suckers to pay for 10,000 dollar training seminars. The disqualifier is not used for the girl, you use it because when you approach a group of people if you use a direct approach they will act as obstacles. You have to disqualify yourself to them so you can act friendly to the whole group and nobody hates you for giving too much attention to their cute girl friend. If you approach a girl alone you have to be direct otherwise you come off as a complete retard for the reasons you stated above. I also believe in some situations it's important to make some girls self conscious. A pretty girl's state of mind in a club at saturday night will be exactly like "I'm the shit everybody treats me like a queen I am better than these losers hurr durr" so if you don't bring her down to a state of mind where she knows she's a person with her own qualities and flaws like everybody else you will be never be able to interact with her "real" personality. Due to cultural reasons italians are naturally exceptionally good at pick up and I've seen this done all the time way before I knew anything about pick up. I thought it was dumb because I didn't understand the reason but now it all comes together. Remember that you put a girl in the state of mind of "ok now I am free to know this guy without social pressure from my friends" not "I just got insulted I feel so offended". The ultimate goal is to make everyone have a good time and I think it's the best way to interact with people in general. isnt the stereotype of italians that they sexually harass women? i have never heard they were good at pick up unless italians consider their sexual harassment "picking up" a girl.
lol :D not that I know of, but I live in the rich side of the country so maybe you met some uneducated scumbag from Naples or sicily (they have lots of those).
|
Okay... I'm back in this thread after a short break from dating...
The girl:
+ Show Spoiler +So... My best friend - we'll call her Nadia for the sake of the story - through the last 8 years was just dumped a few weeks ago. Of course I've been around for cheering her up, hating on the x-bf etc etc... I've known her for 8 years and there's never happened anything between us. Easilly one of the best friendships I've ever had... She's been in and out of relationships through our entire friendship... I had a girlfriend for 7+ years, who dumped me in november making this the first time we're both singles at the same time.
The setup:
+ Show Spoiler +So... Last week we're out drinking - I'm kissing with another friend - we'll call her Stephanie. Stephanie and I have been kissing before when we're drunk. No biggie, but suddenly Nadia goes up and makes out with Stephanie and things get out of control fast. Long story short I end up making out with Nadia for a few hours.
The situation:
+ Show Spoiler +The next day we talk about it and agree that it was fun, but we were drunk and it didn't mean anything... However, this is when I start to become awkward... I've still been around her 2-4 times/week and I've come to realize I'm crushing on her... My best friend... Doesn't really help we're always flirting/dancing/giving massages etc etc... I don't want to risk our friendship, however I actually know this girl - and if we actually hit it off, I could really see this turn into a serious thing...
Suggestions? I'm visiting her tomorrow night for dinner and some wine.
|
On August 25 2013 03:55 Mentalizor wrote:Okay... I'm back in this thread after a short break from dating... The girl:
+ Show Spoiler +So... My best friend - we'll call her Nadia for the sake of the story - through the last 8 years was just dumped a few weeks ago. Of course I've been around for cheering her up, hating on the x-bf etc etc... I've known her for 8 years and there's never happened anything between us. Easilly one of the best friendships I've ever had... She's been in and out of relationships through our entire friendship... I had a girlfriend for 7+ years, who dumped me in november making this the first time we're both singles at the same time.
So... Last week we're out drinking - I'm kissing with another friend - we'll call her Stephanie. Stephanie and I have been kissing before when we're drunk. No biggie, but suddenly Nadia goes up and makes out with Stephanie and things get out of control fast. Long story short I end up making out with Nadia for a few hours. The next day we talk about it and agree that it was fun, but we were drunk and it didn't mean anything... However, this is when I start to become awkward... I've still been around her 2-4 times/week and I've come to realize I'm crushing on her... My best friend... Doesn't really help we're always flirting/dancing/giving massages etc etc... I don't want to risk our friendship, however I actually know this girl - and if we actually hit it off, I could really see this turn into a serious thing... Suggestions? I'm visiting her tomorrow night for dinner and some wine.
She saw you as a potential mate when you were kissing with the other girl. Now it's up to you, if you keep being sexual, confident and attractive she will react accordingly, if you keep talking and acting like her long time friend you will be treated as a friend.
|
On August 25 2013 04:00 aTnClouD wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2013 03:55 Mentalizor wrote:Okay... I'm back in this thread after a short break from dating... The girl:
+ Show Spoiler +So... My best friend - we'll call her Nadia for the sake of the story - through the last 8 years was just dumped a few weeks ago. Of course I've been around for cheering her up, hating on the x-bf etc etc... I've known her for 8 years and there's never happened anything between us. Easilly one of the best friendships I've ever had... She's been in and out of relationships through our entire friendship... I had a girlfriend for 7+ years, who dumped me in november making this the first time we're both singles at the same time.
So... Last week we're out drinking - I'm kissing with another friend - we'll call her Stephanie. Stephanie and I have been kissing before when we're drunk. No biggie, but suddenly Nadia goes up and makes out with Stephanie and things get out of control fast. Long story short I end up making out with Nadia for a few hours. The next day we talk about it and agree that it was fun, but we were drunk and it didn't mean anything... However, this is when I start to become awkward... I've still been around her 2-4 times/week and I've come to realize I'm crushing on her... My best friend... Doesn't really help we're always flirting/dancing/giving massages etc etc... I don't want to risk our friendship, however I actually know this girl - and if we actually hit it off, I could really see this turn into a serious thing... Suggestions? I'm visiting her tomorrow night for dinner and some wine. She saw you as a potential mate when you were kissing with the other girl. Now it's up to you, if you keep being sexual, confident and attractive she will react accordingly, if you keep talking and acting like her long time friend you will be treated as a friend.
Yeah, and that's the thing... She's a "the-guy-has-to-take-the-first-step kindda girl... So I know she wont make a move, so it's hard to tell her intentions... She's making a ton of hints... But both ways... Like... Always talking about how it would be if we were dating - but then pointing out, it probably wouldn't happen... or the classic "oh, you must be an amazing bf... If only I could find someone like you"... So... I'm sure she wont make a move - but I'm not sure, how she'd react if I did...
I guess it's better (safer) to play it safe and don't do anything... For the sake of the friendship it's better... right? The main problem is just, that I actually have feelings for her
|
On August 25 2013 04:04 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2013 04:00 aTnClouD wrote:On August 25 2013 03:55 Mentalizor wrote:Okay... I'm back in this thread after a short break from dating... The girl:
+ Show Spoiler +So... My best friend - we'll call her Nadia for the sake of the story - through the last 8 years was just dumped a few weeks ago. Of course I've been around for cheering her up, hating on the x-bf etc etc... I've known her for 8 years and there's never happened anything between us. Easilly one of the best friendships I've ever had... She's been in and out of relationships through our entire friendship... I had a girlfriend for 7+ years, who dumped me in november making this the first time we're both singles at the same time.
So... Last week we're out drinking - I'm kissing with another friend - we'll call her Stephanie. Stephanie and I have been kissing before when we're drunk. No biggie, but suddenly Nadia goes up and makes out with Stephanie and things get out of control fast. Long story short I end up making out with Nadia for a few hours. The next day we talk about it and agree that it was fun, but we were drunk and it didn't mean anything... However, this is when I start to become awkward... I've still been around her 2-4 times/week and I've come to realize I'm crushing on her... My best friend... Doesn't really help we're always flirting/dancing/giving massages etc etc... I don't want to risk our friendship, however I actually know this girl - and if we actually hit it off, I could really see this turn into a serious thing... Suggestions? I'm visiting her tomorrow night for dinner and some wine. She saw you as a potential mate when you were kissing with the other girl. Now it's up to you, if you keep being sexual, confident and attractive she will react accordingly, if you keep talking and acting like her long time friend you will be treated as a friend. Yeah, and that's the thing... She's a "the-guy-has-to-take-the-first-step kindda girl... So I know she wont make a move, so it's hard to tell her intentions... She's making a ton of hints... But both ways... Like... Always talking about how it would be if we were dating - but then pointing out, it probably wouldn't happen... or the classic "oh, you must be an amazing bf... If only I could find someone like you"... So... I'm sure she wont make a move - but I'm not sure, how she'd react if I did... I guess it's better (safer) to play it safe and don't do anything... For the sake of the friendship it's better... right? The main problem is just, that I actually have feelings for her
She's obviously inviting you to make a move, pls don't be dumb and go for it.
|
Boils down to how much you value the friendship. You like her so much, take a shot at it. You've known her so for so long, you'll probably have good chemistry with her.
|
On August 25 2013 04:04 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2013 04:00 aTnClouD wrote:On August 25 2013 03:55 Mentalizor wrote:Okay... I'm back in this thread after a short break from dating... The girl:
+ Show Spoiler +So... My best friend - we'll call her Nadia for the sake of the story - through the last 8 years was just dumped a few weeks ago. Of course I've been around for cheering her up, hating on the x-bf etc etc... I've known her for 8 years and there's never happened anything between us. Easilly one of the best friendships I've ever had... She's been in and out of relationships through our entire friendship... I had a girlfriend for 7+ years, who dumped me in november making this the first time we're both singles at the same time.
So... Last week we're out drinking - I'm kissing with another friend - we'll call her Stephanie. Stephanie and I have been kissing before when we're drunk. No biggie, but suddenly Nadia goes up and makes out with Stephanie and things get out of control fast. Long story short I end up making out with Nadia for a few hours. The next day we talk about it and agree that it was fun, but we were drunk and it didn't mean anything... However, this is when I start to become awkward... I've still been around her 2-4 times/week and I've come to realize I'm crushing on her... My best friend... Doesn't really help we're always flirting/dancing/giving massages etc etc... I don't want to risk our friendship, however I actually know this girl - and if we actually hit it off, I could really see this turn into a serious thing... Suggestions? I'm visiting her tomorrow night for dinner and some wine. She saw you as a potential mate when you were kissing with the other girl. Now it's up to you, if you keep being sexual, confident and attractive she will react accordingly, if you keep talking and acting like her long time friend you will be treated as a friend. Yeah, and that's the thing... She's a "the-guy-has-to-take-the-first-step kindda girl... So I know she wont make a move, so it's hard to tell her intentions... She's making a ton of hints... But both ways... Like... Always talking about how it would be if we were dating - but then pointing out, it probably wouldn't happen... or the classic "oh, you must be an amazing bf... If only I could find someone like you"... So... I'm sure she wont make a move - but I'm not sure, how she'd react if I did... I guess it's better (safer) to play it safe and don't do anything... For the sake of the friendship it's better... right? The main problem is just, that I actually have feelings for her
Just to play devils advocate. It can be hard to go back to being just friends afterward if it doesn't work out. Like, I've done it, and its doable, but there is a pretty big risk that you're going to hurt your friendship you break up. Just want to warn you.
|
On August 25 2013 04:15 packrat386 wrote:
Just to play devils advocate. It can be hard to go back to being just friends afterward if it doesn't work out. Like, I've done it, and its doable, but there is a pretty big risk that you're going to hurt your friendship you break up. Just want to warn you.
AMEN BROTHER
|
On August 25 2013 04:05 aTnClouD wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2013 04:04 Mentalizor wrote:On August 25 2013 04:00 aTnClouD wrote:On August 25 2013 03:55 Mentalizor wrote:Okay... I'm back in this thread after a short break from dating... The girl:
+ Show Spoiler +So... My best friend - we'll call her Nadia for the sake of the story - through the last 8 years was just dumped a few weeks ago. Of course I've been around for cheering her up, hating on the x-bf etc etc... I've known her for 8 years and there's never happened anything between us. Easilly one of the best friendships I've ever had... She's been in and out of relationships through our entire friendship... I had a girlfriend for 7+ years, who dumped me in november making this the first time we're both singles at the same time.
So... Last week we're out drinking - I'm kissing with another friend - we'll call her Stephanie. Stephanie and I have been kissing before when we're drunk. No biggie, but suddenly Nadia goes up and makes out with Stephanie and things get out of control fast. Long story short I end up making out with Nadia for a few hours. The next day we talk about it and agree that it was fun, but we were drunk and it didn't mean anything... However, this is when I start to become awkward... I've still been around her 2-4 times/week and I've come to realize I'm crushing on her... My best friend... Doesn't really help we're always flirting/dancing/giving massages etc etc... I don't want to risk our friendship, however I actually know this girl - and if we actually hit it off, I could really see this turn into a serious thing... Suggestions? I'm visiting her tomorrow night for dinner and some wine. She saw you as a potential mate when you were kissing with the other girl. Now it's up to you, if you keep being sexual, confident and attractive she will react accordingly, if you keep talking and acting like her long time friend you will be treated as a friend. Yeah, and that's the thing... She's a "the-guy-has-to-take-the-first-step kindda girl... So I know she wont make a move, so it's hard to tell her intentions... She's making a ton of hints... But both ways... Like... Always talking about how it would be if we were dating - but then pointing out, it probably wouldn't happen... or the classic "oh, you must be an amazing bf... If only I could find someone like you"... So... I'm sure she wont make a move - but I'm not sure, how she'd react if I did... I guess it's better (safer) to play it safe and don't do anything... For the sake of the friendship it's better... right? The main problem is just, that I actually have feelings for her She's obviously inviting you to make a move, pls don't be dumb and go for it.
I don't know how much she's inviting me to make a move... She asked what I was doing this weekend... Told her I'd be out drinking and dancing... She said she wouldn't be too interested in that... But she wanted to see me... So maybe if I could come up with an idea involving less "wild" things... So I brought up the dinner/wine thing myself, but she loved the idea... Really not sure if that's an obvious invitation for me to make a move?
+ What the other guys are saying... I really value our friendship dearly... I don't think she could ever go back to being just friends if it didn't work out
|
On August 25 2013 04:26 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2013 04:05 aTnClouD wrote:On August 25 2013 04:04 Mentalizor wrote:On August 25 2013 04:00 aTnClouD wrote:On August 25 2013 03:55 Mentalizor wrote:Okay... I'm back in this thread after a short break from dating... The girl:
+ Show Spoiler +So... My best friend - we'll call her Nadia for the sake of the story - through the last 8 years was just dumped a few weeks ago. Of course I've been around for cheering her up, hating on the x-bf etc etc... I've known her for 8 years and there's never happened anything between us. Easilly one of the best friendships I've ever had... She's been in and out of relationships through our entire friendship... I had a girlfriend for 7+ years, who dumped me in november making this the first time we're both singles at the same time.
So... Last week we're out drinking - I'm kissing with another friend - we'll call her Stephanie. Stephanie and I have been kissing before when we're drunk. No biggie, but suddenly Nadia goes up and makes out with Stephanie and things get out of control fast. Long story short I end up making out with Nadia for a few hours. The next day we talk about it and agree that it was fun, but we were drunk and it didn't mean anything... However, this is when I start to become awkward... I've still been around her 2-4 times/week and I've come to realize I'm crushing on her... My best friend... Doesn't really help we're always flirting/dancing/giving massages etc etc... I don't want to risk our friendship, however I actually know this girl - and if we actually hit it off, I could really see this turn into a serious thing... Suggestions? I'm visiting her tomorrow night for dinner and some wine. She saw you as a potential mate when you were kissing with the other girl. Now it's up to you, if you keep being sexual, confident and attractive she will react accordingly, if you keep talking and acting like her long time friend you will be treated as a friend. Yeah, and that's the thing... She's a "the-guy-has-to-take-the-first-step kindda girl... So I know she wont make a move, so it's hard to tell her intentions... She's making a ton of hints... But both ways... Like... Always talking about how it would be if we were dating - but then pointing out, it probably wouldn't happen... or the classic "oh, you must be an amazing bf... If only I could find someone like you"... So... I'm sure she wont make a move - but I'm not sure, how she'd react if I did... I guess it's better (safer) to play it safe and don't do anything... For the sake of the friendship it's better... right? The main problem is just, that I actually have feelings for her She's obviously inviting you to make a move, pls don't be dumb and go for it. + What the other guys are saying... I really value our friendship dearly... I don't think she could ever go back to being just friends if it didn't work out
If you're this unsure, don't do it. Its not worth potential sex to fuck up a relationship with a good friend.
edit: Ask her what she wants. People say its a turn off but like, communication is good. Just say that you were getting some mixed signals and want to know whats up.
|
On August 25 2013 04:28 packrat386 wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2013 04:26 Mentalizor wrote:On August 25 2013 04:05 aTnClouD wrote:On August 25 2013 04:04 Mentalizor wrote:On August 25 2013 04:00 aTnClouD wrote:On August 25 2013 03:55 Mentalizor wrote:Okay... I'm back in this thread after a short break from dating... The girl:
+ Show Spoiler +So... My best friend - we'll call her Nadia for the sake of the story - through the last 8 years was just dumped a few weeks ago. Of course I've been around for cheering her up, hating on the x-bf etc etc... I've known her for 8 years and there's never happened anything between us. Easilly one of the best friendships I've ever had... She's been in and out of relationships through our entire friendship... I had a girlfriend for 7+ years, who dumped me in november making this the first time we're both singles at the same time.
So... Last week we're out drinking - I'm kissing with another friend - we'll call her Stephanie. Stephanie and I have been kissing before when we're drunk. No biggie, but suddenly Nadia goes up and makes out with Stephanie and things get out of control fast. Long story short I end up making out with Nadia for a few hours. The next day we talk about it and agree that it was fun, but we were drunk and it didn't mean anything... However, this is when I start to become awkward... I've still been around her 2-4 times/week and I've come to realize I'm crushing on her... My best friend... Doesn't really help we're always flirting/dancing/giving massages etc etc... I don't want to risk our friendship, however I actually know this girl - and if we actually hit it off, I could really see this turn into a serious thing... Suggestions? I'm visiting her tomorrow night for dinner and some wine. She saw you as a potential mate when you were kissing with the other girl. Now it's up to you, if you keep being sexual, confident and attractive she will react accordingly, if you keep talking and acting like her long time friend you will be treated as a friend. Yeah, and that's the thing... She's a "the-guy-has-to-take-the-first-step kindda girl... So I know she wont make a move, so it's hard to tell her intentions... She's making a ton of hints... But both ways... Like... Always talking about how it would be if we were dating - but then pointing out, it probably wouldn't happen... or the classic "oh, you must be an amazing bf... If only I could find someone like you"... So... I'm sure she wont make a move - but I'm not sure, how she'd react if I did... I guess it's better (safer) to play it safe and don't do anything... For the sake of the friendship it's better... right? The main problem is just, that I actually have feelings for her She's obviously inviting you to make a move, pls don't be dumb and go for it. + What the other guys are saying... I really value our friendship dearly... I don't think she could ever go back to being just friends if it didn't work out If you're this unsure, don't do it. Its not worth potential sex to fuck up a relationship with a good friend. edit: Ask her what she wants. People say its a turn off but like, communication is good. Just say that you were getting some mixed signals and want to know whats up.
For once I actually wouldn't be shy to bring up such a conversation... However, if I do, I'm not sure I'd ever have a chance at getting with her... Would be nice to speak with her about my confusion though... But then it would most likely turn into a "maybe we should she each other a bit less for some time"... Which would most likely be healthy for the situation... But not really what I'm aiming for, you know...
|
Well guys, I'm going out with another friend tonight  I'll update tomorrow/monday
Thanks for listening and sharing advice
and... is there any way in english to tell the difference between a male friend and a female one?
|
On August 25 2013 04:34 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2013 04:28 packrat386 wrote:On August 25 2013 04:26 Mentalizor wrote:On August 25 2013 04:05 aTnClouD wrote:On August 25 2013 04:04 Mentalizor wrote:On August 25 2013 04:00 aTnClouD wrote:On August 25 2013 03:55 Mentalizor wrote:Okay... I'm back in this thread after a short break from dating... The girl:
+ Show Spoiler +So... My best friend - we'll call her Nadia for the sake of the story - through the last 8 years was just dumped a few weeks ago. Of course I've been around for cheering her up, hating on the x-bf etc etc... I've known her for 8 years and there's never happened anything between us. Easilly one of the best friendships I've ever had... She's been in and out of relationships through our entire friendship... I had a girlfriend for 7+ years, who dumped me in november making this the first time we're both singles at the same time.
So... Last week we're out drinking - I'm kissing with another friend - we'll call her Stephanie. Stephanie and I have been kissing before when we're drunk. No biggie, but suddenly Nadia goes up and makes out with Stephanie and things get out of control fast. Long story short I end up making out with Nadia for a few hours. The next day we talk about it and agree that it was fun, but we were drunk and it didn't mean anything... However, this is when I start to become awkward... I've still been around her 2-4 times/week and I've come to realize I'm crushing on her... My best friend... Doesn't really help we're always flirting/dancing/giving massages etc etc... I don't want to risk our friendship, however I actually know this girl - and if we actually hit it off, I could really see this turn into a serious thing... Suggestions? I'm visiting her tomorrow night for dinner and some wine. She saw you as a potential mate when you were kissing with the other girl. Now it's up to you, if you keep being sexual, confident and attractive she will react accordingly, if you keep talking and acting like her long time friend you will be treated as a friend. Yeah, and that's the thing... She's a "the-guy-has-to-take-the-first-step kindda girl... So I know she wont make a move, so it's hard to tell her intentions... She's making a ton of hints... But both ways... Like... Always talking about how it would be if we were dating - but then pointing out, it probably wouldn't happen... or the classic "oh, you must be an amazing bf... If only I could find someone like you"... So... I'm sure she wont make a move - but I'm not sure, how she'd react if I did... I guess it's better (safer) to play it safe and don't do anything... For the sake of the friendship it's better... right? The main problem is just, that I actually have feelings for her She's obviously inviting you to make a move, pls don't be dumb and go for it. + What the other guys are saying... I really value our friendship dearly... I don't think she could ever go back to being just friends if it didn't work out If you're this unsure, don't do it. Its not worth potential sex to fuck up a relationship with a good friend. edit: Ask her what she wants. People say its a turn off but like, communication is good. Just say that you were getting some mixed signals and want to know whats up. For once I actually wouldn't be shy to bring up such a conversation... However, if I do, I'm not sure I'd ever have a chance at getting with her... Would be nice to speak with her about my confusion though... But then it would most likely turn into a "maybe we should she each other a bit less for some time"... Which would most likely be healthy for the situation... But not really what I'm aiming for, you know...
Even if it turns into a "lets cool off a bit" phase, its probably a lot better than having a misunderstanding in either direction.
|
On August 25 2013 04:41 Mentalizor wrote:Well guys, I'm going out with another friend tonight I'll update tomorrow/monday Thanks for listening and sharing advice and... is there any way in english to tell the difference between a male friend and a female one?
Not really, it usually requires qualification. You could say my friend who is a girl or my female friend. If you say girl friend as two words it could mean either one, and the context will usually clarify.
|
I've never seen a good friendship get broken off because of an attempted relationship, actually. Met plenty of people who tried a relationship with a 'kind of' friend / acquaintance' that wouldn't work out and lead to them hating each other / never talking again or whatever, but the few ones that were really good friends then didn't work out as a couple always found a way back to friendship, even if they did take a 'break' for some time to let things settle down and whatnot.
If anything, you're more likely to lose a friend if they are interested in you as in more than a friend then become frustrated by your inability to discern it and make a move, I think. If you don't do anything blatantly stupid, the worst you could expect is to be told something along the lines of, 'I don't think it's a good idea, let's just be friends'. Whether you can accept that and go back to being 'just friends' is up to you, but yeah.
|
On August 25 2013 03:55 Mentalizor wrote:Okay... I'm back in this thread after a short break from dating... The girl:
+ Show Spoiler +So... My best friend - we'll call her Nadia for the sake of the story - through the last 8 years was just dumped a few weeks ago. Of course I've been around for cheering her up, hating on the x-bf etc etc... I've known her for 8 years and there's never happened anything between us. Easilly one of the best friendships I've ever had... She's been in and out of relationships through our entire friendship... I had a girlfriend for 7+ years, who dumped me in november making this the first time we're both singles at the same time.
So... Last week we're out drinking - I'm kissing with another friend - we'll call her Stephanie. Stephanie and I have been kissing before when we're drunk. No biggie, but suddenly Nadia goes up and makes out with Stephanie and things get out of control fast. Long story short I end up making out with Nadia for a few hours. The next day we talk about it and agree that it was fun, but we were drunk and it didn't mean anything... However, this is when I start to become awkward... I've still been around her 2-4 times/week and I've come to realize I'm crushing on her... My best friend... Doesn't really help we're always flirting/dancing/giving massages etc etc... I don't want to risk our friendship, however I actually know this girl - and if we actually hit it off, I could really see this turn into a serious thing... Suggestions? I'm visiting her tomorrow night for dinner and some wine.
She just became single a few weeks ago. It could really quickly turn into a rebound thing. Just be careful about that. Friends deal, I've had it end up both ways, but it def doesn't have to mean you aren't friends after anymore or anything. Sometimes them the breaks though.
I'd be more worried about it being a rebound than the friendship.
|
Girlfriend just dumped me without any warning. I had a feeling something was wrong when she didn't really respond back like she normally did or just seemed really annoyed by my presence. Her reason was that she doesn't want a relationship.
I don't regret the time we spent together (which was limited; it was a few months) and I hope the next guy she enters a relationship with can treat her right and give her the attention and care she deserves cause she's a really great girl.
But, I'm really disappointed (aside from the breakup) in how she chose to handle this. I understand that while it may have been hard for her to realize that this isn't what she wanted and to think of a way to bring this up to me, I'm more upset that she kept it a secret from me for nearly two weeks. I thought relationships were about trust and communication but it just wasn't there, especially at a critical time like that.
In the end, it hurts a lot, especially since it was my first real relationship and I invested too much of my emotions into one basket. And I'm not a teenager, so it's not like it's just some puppy love; I genuinely cared for the happiness and wellbeing of this girl. But I just gotta get on with my life.
|
On August 26 2013 07:11 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2013 03:55 Mentalizor wrote:Okay... I'm back in this thread after a short break from dating... The girl:
+ Show Spoiler +So... My best friend - we'll call her Nadia for the sake of the story - through the last 8 years was just dumped a few weeks ago. Of course I've been around for cheering her up, hating on the x-bf etc etc... I've known her for 8 years and there's never happened anything between us. Easilly one of the best friendships I've ever had... She's been in and out of relationships through our entire friendship... I had a girlfriend for 7+ years, who dumped me in november making this the first time we're both singles at the same time.
So... Last week we're out drinking - I'm kissing with another friend - we'll call her Stephanie. Stephanie and I have been kissing before when we're drunk. No biggie, but suddenly Nadia goes up and makes out with Stephanie and things get out of control fast. Long story short I end up making out with Nadia for a few hours. The next day we talk about it and agree that it was fun, but we were drunk and it didn't mean anything... However, this is when I start to become awkward... I've still been around her 2-4 times/week and I've come to realize I'm crushing on her... My best friend... Doesn't really help we're always flirting/dancing/giving massages etc etc... I don't want to risk our friendship, however I actually know this girl - and if we actually hit it off, I could really see this turn into a serious thing... Suggestions? I'm visiting her tomorrow night for dinner and some wine. She just became single a few weeks ago. It could really quickly turn into a rebound thing. Just be careful about that. Friends deal, I've had it end up both ways, but it def doesn't have to mean you aren't friends after anymore or anything. Sometimes them the breaks though. I'd be more worried about it being a rebound than the friendship.
The rebound thing coupled with the fact that her coming onto you now could be something of a jealousy factor for other guys. I'd be very hesitant about this one, this is not the actions of a girl who's been friends with you for 8 years and not done anything like this ever. No one waits 8 years, gets out of a relationship multiple times only to attempt to get with their best friend for that time out of no where. There is something more to this.
|
On August 26 2013 13:00 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On August 26 2013 07:11 QuanticHawk wrote:On August 25 2013 03:55 Mentalizor wrote:Okay... I'm back in this thread after a short break from dating... The girl:
+ Show Spoiler +So... My best friend - we'll call her Nadia for the sake of the story - through the last 8 years was just dumped a few weeks ago. Of course I've been around for cheering her up, hating on the x-bf etc etc... I've known her for 8 years and there's never happened anything between us. Easilly one of the best friendships I've ever had... She's been in and out of relationships through our entire friendship... I had a girlfriend for 7+ years, who dumped me in november making this the first time we're both singles at the same time.
So... Last week we're out drinking - I'm kissing with another friend - we'll call her Stephanie. Stephanie and I have been kissing before when we're drunk. No biggie, but suddenly Nadia goes up and makes out with Stephanie and things get out of control fast. Long story short I end up making out with Nadia for a few hours. The next day we talk about it and agree that it was fun, but we were drunk and it didn't mean anything... However, this is when I start to become awkward... I've still been around her 2-4 times/week and I've come to realize I'm crushing on her... My best friend... Doesn't really help we're always flirting/dancing/giving massages etc etc... I don't want to risk our friendship, however I actually know this girl - and if we actually hit it off, I could really see this turn into a serious thing... Suggestions? I'm visiting her tomorrow night for dinner and some wine. She just became single a few weeks ago. It could really quickly turn into a rebound thing. Just be careful about that. Friends deal, I've had it end up both ways, but it def doesn't have to mean you aren't friends after anymore or anything. Sometimes them the breaks though. I'd be more worried about it being a rebound than the friendship. The rebound thing coupled with the fact that her coming onto you now could be something of a jealousy factor for other guys. I'd be very hesitant about this one, this is not the actions of a girl who's been friends with you for 8 years and not done anything like this ever. No one waits 8 years, gets out of a relationship multiple times only to attempt to get with their best friend for that time out of no where. There is something more to this.
Either it's a rebound or she genuinely wants to be with you and couldn't deal being with other guys instead.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
