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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On August 24 2013 01:51 Badfatpanda wrote:Show nested quote +On August 24 2013 01:41 VayneAuthority wrote:On August 22 2013 21:35 Killscreen wrote:On August 21 2013 03:33 r.Evo wrote:On August 20 2013 22:57 NotSorry wrote:
I feel "shit test" is getting massively over used for any time of negative reaction rather than it's intended purpose of a pick up qualification. Once you've already picked up a woman that kind of behavior is her just being a bitch or whore. Pick ups are a numbers game, you can't change every hot girl into your long term girl because odds are you wouldn't want anything to do with at least half of them outside of sex. So why waste time on manipulative tactics when you can just move on to the next girl that isn't a bitch/whore? Hopping on this because people keep getting it wrong left right and center. First of all, someone "shit testing" someone else doesn't turn anyone into a bitch, whore or manipulative brat. What's defined as a shit test in the PUA community is, on a larger scale, nothing more than one person trying to verify if the frame the other person presents is real or fake. In practice that means that everyone shit tests everyone all the time until the point at which you accepted the frames you've been presented with. Random guy shows up at a party and is talking about how he was just street car racing in Hong Kong? Any comment that even remotely pokes at whether the persona that story represents (e.g. "World travelling race car freak") actually exists can be considered a shit test. It's prettys much *poke poke* "Are you for real?" In the realm of dating all that happened was that someone thought "Hey, she's asking: 'Is he gonna take my shit?' so let's call it a shit-test hurpdurp" and it went downhill from there. In reality it's more about frame dominance than anything else, that's why people usually don't shit test their doctors. This is very accurate and eloquently put. When women test your frame, and you pass that test, it generates a lot of attraction, which is why a lot of guys will actually attempt to invite these tests. I have a buddy who sometimes wears a Twilight T-Shirt :D yea and then people wonder why relationships go down hill so quickly or are fleeting. You are attracting people with the most interesting parts about you, so when you have nothing to match that they will get bored of you eventually. If you're just trying to pick up girls fine, but that's a recipe for never having a solid long term relationship unless she just never gets bored with your few outstanding qualities. It's much better in my opinion to have a basic attraction and learn more about each other from there, saving your "ace(s) in the hole" for down the road so the relationship doesn't get stale. Unless your "ace in the hole" allows you to meet women that are your type! Then it's perfectly acceptable. Also, been wondering a while even if I usually just lurk in this thread. The fuck is the PUA community?
PUAs are self-named "Pick up artists". Usually they're misogynistic guys who have poor instincts when it comes to women, so they try and devise some systematic method to crack the code of getting into their pants. That book The Game that came out a while back and the movie Hitch were based on that kinda stuff. A bunch of gimmicky bullshit to be honest.
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man that pua thread sure is a fun read hahahah
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On August 23 2013 13:30 thebakereb wrote:
I really dont know how to describe what i have, I've been dating a girl for like a year and a half now and i kind of feel like we hit a wall and dont get me wrong she makes me incredibly happy but like the actual feeling of "IN LOVE" isn't there and what also complicates it is I move away for college in like [9]days so normally id try and work through it but ill be an hour(which isnt a lot) away plus I've had bad experience with long distance relationships. I dont know what to do, I dont really want to tell her now because its my last week and i dont want to ruin the end of summer and i also want to spend it with her.
Any advice? I have to come home for a birthday like 2 weeks into school so should i talk to her then?
Went to college with my hs gf (of three months) and did a 1 hour long distance for two years.
SO. FUCKING. DUMB. I don't regret the relationship but god damn I could have spent those two years A LOT better and it would have ended a lot less painfully.
End it now, trust me.
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On August 24 2013 02:16 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On August 23 2013 13:30 thebakereb wrote:
I really dont know how to describe what i have, I've been dating a girl for like a year and a half now and i kind of feel like we hit a wall and dont get me wrong she makes me incredibly happy but like the actual feeling of "IN LOVE" isn't there and what also complicates it is I move away for college in like [9]days so normally id try and work through it but ill be an hour(which isnt a lot) away plus I've had bad experience with long distance relationships. I dont know what to do, I dont really want to tell her now because its my last week and i dont want to ruin the end of summer and i also want to spend it with her.
Any advice? I have to come home for a birthday like 2 weeks into school so should i talk to her then? dump her before you go. just do it in person like an adult and gentle and quick about it. there's never really a right time for that type of thing and waiting is just gonna give you stress. youre gonna sit there in a new place, scoping out all the new girls and then youre gonna feel guilty because you know what you have to do panda: http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=229041just take a look at squattincassanova's posts. that's what most pua people are like
ohh how i miss that thread
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On August 24 2013 05:12 decafchicken wrote:Show nested quote +On August 23 2013 13:30 thebakereb wrote:
I really dont know how to describe what i have, I've been dating a girl for like a year and a half now and i kind of feel like we hit a wall and dont get me wrong she makes me incredibly happy but like the actual feeling of "IN LOVE" isn't there and what also complicates it is I move away for college in like [9]days so normally id try and work through it but ill be an hour(which isnt a lot) away plus I've had bad experience with long distance relationships. I dont know what to do, I dont really want to tell her now because its my last week and i dont want to ruin the end of summer and i also want to spend it with her.
Any advice? I have to come home for a birthday like 2 weeks into school so should i talk to her then? Went to college with my hs gf (of three months) and did a 1 hour long distance for two years. SO. FUCKING. DUMB. I don't regret the relationship but god damn I could have spent those two years A LOT better and it would have ended a lot less painfully. End it now, trust me.
Not sure which definition of regret you're using, but the above sounds an awful lot like it 
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hahaha
I don't think I could do a relationship where it was an hour to get there. If we were established and that happened, diff story, but i def couldn't do it to start off the relationship
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On August 24 2013 05:31 QuanticHawk wrote:
hahaha
I don't think I could do a relationship where it was an hour to get there. If we were established and that happened, diff story, but i def couldn't do it to start off the relationship
It can be an hour drive across the city here. Hell, I drive an hour each way to work every day.
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The really sad thing is that I can still count the people I've met in various PUA communities who act and behave like that on one hand. The vast majority of those guys are pretty damn awesome and it's rare that they come anywhere close to the degree of creepiness I'm seeing in your average field report online.
Kind of sucks that something that's as useful as pickup when it comes to that topic regularly gets buttraped by people like that.
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I have never actually seen or gone to a real life pua community, but the pua's ive bumped into in real life and virtually all of them online sound something like that dude and it's scary as fuck.
I do think some of it is interesting and even spot on (i see you reference some stuff from time to time). i dunno, i think a good majority of it though attracts weirdos who just come off sounding as rapey robots reading off sets without understanding wtf they are doing
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It might be more of a European thing but e.g. in the lairs I've been with people always make the exact same jokes about social robots, people who only think in sets or value and can only speak in "pua speak".
Usually it goes like this: Guy is unhappy with his dating life, discovers pickup, goes uber nerd mode trying to figure it all out and then the community brings him back down because the really strong & experienced guys in the scene are all past analyzing every detail of a social action. That's also why I'm not really concerned with a blog like that, he did the first step he needed to do - now it's time to grow beyond that or get stuck.
The goal rarely is "lay 20 bitches in 2 months" after that starting phase but more "turn into the person you want to be and be happy about the way you truely are" - which in turn is attractive as hell. Just to get there you need better advice than "just be yourself and be confident".
What makes the pickup community incredibly valuable to me is that they're the only ones who can actually explain why/how some things work in detail. Imagine asking questions about how to beat a certain build in the SC2 forum and the answer you get is "Well just build more stuff and kill him". That's the average dating advice you get from other places. =P
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Not that pickup techniques don't work, but the key is not needing to pull gimmicky preconceived tricks in order to make a girl want to be in your company. Of course you could have a step-wise how-to guide about speaking to women if it really came down to it, but it's more efficient to develop yourself until you're comfortable around women and can be cool on the fly. There's way too much variation and instinctual stuff that goes into dating than pickup systems can cover. Whether or not "PUAs" do work doesn't negate the fact that they aren't getting laid nearly as much as guys who have developed the skills naturally. People who actually play "the game" (which means being a player, not being a pickup artist; "PUAs" merely adopted that term) are too busy doing real stuff and not trying to research more tricks, emulate other people's behavior they saw on a YouTube video, or visit a PUA convention of just us bros no hoes.
A lot of guys I've met have read "The Game" and studied those techniques, but they're almost never the dudes who girls like.
I would disagree that those are the only guys who can explain how/why stuff works in detail. Ask any man who gets laid no strings attached often, is friends with girls, and doesn't mistreat the hell out of women and he should be able to tell you what's going on. Or just ask a woman because they are pretty socially adept in general.
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'"turn into the person you want to be and be happy about the way you truely are" - which in turn is attractive as hell. Just to get there you need better advice than "just be yourself and be confident".'
i agree with this and understand why people seek out something more constructive than just be yourself and be confident. i just think that, more often than not, for whatever reason, people who pursue pua stuff end up being those creepy robots you and i mentioned. going with the sc analogy, it's like people attempting to mimic a build without understanding what the hell they are doing. i dont know if it just that most people who learn about pua are not too social normally or what, but it just seems like there's a lot of people who sound like that blog.
i forgot the groups are called lairs. that just seems like such a creepy choice of words ahahah
On August 24 2013 09:32 goMERICA wrote:
I would disagree that those are the only guys who can explain how/why stuff works in detail. Ask any man who gets laid no strings attached often, is friends with girls, and doesn't mistreat the hell out of women and he should be able to tell you what's going on. Or just ask a woman because they are pretty socially adept in general.
Definitely not true. They're not the only ones who understand how stuff works, but a lot of people have no idea why the hell they're successful. That's true for just about anything though. You can be good at something, but it doesn't mean you're a good teacher at that skill.
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Once you've moved yourself on to the make yourself a better person phase, you're no longer doing the PUA stuff. You're doin you.
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On August 24 2013 05:17 Kojak21 wrote:Show nested quote +On August 24 2013 02:16 QuanticHawk wrote:On August 23 2013 13:30 thebakereb wrote:
I really dont know how to describe what i have, I've been dating a girl for like a year and a half now and i kind of feel like we hit a wall and dont get me wrong she makes me incredibly happy but like the actual feeling of "IN LOVE" isn't there and what also complicates it is I move away for college in like [9]days so normally id try and work through it but ill be an hour(which isnt a lot) away plus I've had bad experience with long distance relationships. I dont know what to do, I dont really want to tell her now because its my last week and i dont want to ruin the end of summer and i also want to spend it with her.
Any advice? I have to come home for a birthday like 2 weeks into school so should i talk to her then? dump her before you go. just do it in person like an adult and gentle and quick about it. there's never really a right time for that type of thing and waiting is just gonna give you stress. youre gonna sit there in a new place, scoping out all the new girls and then youre gonna feel guilty because you know what you have to do panda: http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=229041just take a look at squattincassanova's posts. that's what most pua people are like ohh how i miss that thread
Wow Squattin's posts were more than 1/5th of the entire threads posts.
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On August 24 2013 09:33 QuanticHawk wrote:'"turn into the person you want to be and be happy about the way you truely are" - which in turn is attractive as hell. Just to get there you need better advice than "just be yourself and be confident".' i agree with this and understand why people seek out something more constructive than just be yourself and be confident. i just think that, more often than not, for whatever reason, people who pursue pua stuff end up being those creepy robots you and i mentioned. going with the sc analogy, it's like people attempting to mimic a build without understanding what the hell they are doing. i dont know if it just that most people who learn about pua are not too social normally or what, but it just seems like there's a lot of people who sound like that blog. i forgot the groups are called lairs. that just seems like such a creepy choice of words ahahah Show nested quote +On August 24 2013 09:32 goMERICA wrote:
I would disagree that those are the only guys who can explain how/why stuff works in detail. Ask any man who gets laid no strings attached often, is friends with girls, and doesn't mistreat the hell out of women and he should be able to tell you what's going on. Or just ask a woman because they are pretty socially adept in general. Definitely not true. They're not the only ones who understand how stuff works, but a lot of people have no idea why the hell they're successful. That's true for just about anything though. You can be good at something, but it doesn't mean you're a good teacher at that skill.
Haha like Joey from friends? Yeah some people get by on looks of course.
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On August 24 2013 09:06 r.Evo wrote:
It might be more of a European thing but e.g. in the lairs I've been with people always make the exact same jokes about social robots, people who only think in sets or value and can only speak in "pua speak".
Usually it goes like this: Guy is unhappy with his dating life, discovers pickup, goes uber nerd mode trying to figure it all out and then the community brings him back down because the really strong & experienced guys in the scene are all past analyzing every detail of a social action. That's also why I'm not really concerned with a blog like that, he did the first step he needed to do - now it's time to grow beyond that or get stuck.
The goal rarely is "lay 20 bitches in 2 months" after that starting phase but more "turn into the person you want to be and be happy about the way you truely are" - which in turn is attractive as hell. Just to get there you need better advice than "just be yourself and be confident".
What makes the pickup community incredibly valuable to me is that they're the only ones who can actually explain why/how some things work in detail. Imagine asking questions about how to beat a certain build in the SC2 forum and the answer you get is "Well just build more stuff and kill him". That's the average dating advice you get from other places. =P
Problem with PUA is that most of our behavior in social interactions is subconscious. PUA fails to address this, and pretends to scientifically break down everything. Yes you can understand human behaviour, but you cannot teach it simply by telling others what to do. Learning happens subconsciously through experience. It's kinda like bronze league players watching pro streams and pretending they are kinda good at sc, but in reality the mechanics and the strategy are rooted in procedural memory that we have no access to.
bronze league players just need to play the game nd not worry bout anything else
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On August 24 2013 09:41 goMERICA wrote:Show nested quote +On August 24 2013 09:33 QuanticHawk wrote:'"turn into the person you want to be and be happy about the way you truely are" - which in turn is attractive as hell. Just to get there you need better advice than "just be yourself and be confident".' i agree with this and understand why people seek out something more constructive than just be yourself and be confident. i just think that, more often than not, for whatever reason, people who pursue pua stuff end up being those creepy robots you and i mentioned. going with the sc analogy, it's like people attempting to mimic a build without understanding what the hell they are doing. i dont know if it just that most people who learn about pua are not too social normally or what, but it just seems like there's a lot of people who sound like that blog. i forgot the groups are called lairs. that just seems like such a creepy choice of words ahahah On August 24 2013 09:32 goMERICA wrote:
I would disagree that those are the only guys who can explain how/why stuff works in detail. Ask any man who gets laid no strings attached often, is friends with girls, and doesn't mistreat the hell out of women and he should be able to tell you what's going on. Or just ask a woman because they are pretty socially adept in general. Definitely not true. They're not the only ones who understand how stuff works, but a lot of people have no idea why the hell they're successful. That's true for just about anything though. You can be good at something, but it doesn't mean you're a good teacher at that skill. Haha like Joey from friends? Yeah some people get by on looks of course.
I guess haha. I honestly never watched friends much growing up, and my gf always yells at me for that lol. I'm not even really talking about looks so much, but that obviously helps. I'm talking about charisma, taste, style... those are all kinda hard things to explain to someone! that is what r.evo is getting at.
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On August 24 2013 09:06 r.Evo wrote:
It might be more of a European thing but e.g. in the lairs I've been with people always make the exact same jokes about social robots, people who only think in sets or value and can only speak in "pua speak".
Usually it goes like this: Guy is unhappy with his dating life, discovers pickup, goes uber nerd mode trying to figure it all out and then the community brings him back down because the really strong & experienced guys in the scene are all past analyzing every detail of a social action. That's also why I'm not really concerned with a blog like that, he did the first step he needed to do - now it's time to grow beyond that or get stuck.
The goal rarely is "lay 20 bitches in 2 months" after that starting phase but more "turn into the person you want to be and be happy about the way you truely are" - which in turn is attractive as hell. Just to get there you need better advice than "just be yourself and be confident".
What makes the pickup community incredibly valuable to me is that they're the only ones who can actually explain why/how some things work in detail. Imagine asking questions about how to beat a certain build in the SC2 forum and the answer you get is "Well just build more stuff and kill him". That's the average dating advice you get from other places. =P
Idk, I've had an extensive emotional attachment to every girl I've had sex with, but I can see where you're coming from. Throughout my school years almost all of my friends were girls (I'm pretty sure at least in high school they thought I was gay, w/e), but from interactions every day and the whole "my boyfriend did x and y, wtf Chris?" (yeah, I'm not gay, I swear), I got a pretty good idea of how relationships go, and how to approach women in general. Trust me, instead of how do I do things right, I've found plenty of value in how can I do things wrong :D.
Regardless of what sites and uber 1 night stand gurus tell you, women are a pretty good source of knowledge on male-female relationships. The more experience you get being involved and around them, the more confident you are and the better you can end up selling yourself. I've had friends come to me in fucking college that still don't know how to talk to girls?!! The fuck, it's not a science just sack up and go do your thing!
One more thing, which I think is the most valuable piece of information I ever received on women in general. I was visiting my dad over break and he asked if I was in a relationship, I said not atm. He said, "You know, it took me a while, but once I realized it, everything kinda clicked for me. Girls are horny too. If you just keep waiting what's going to come of it? You've definitely gotten the best of both genes, just remember that and have fun."
You can get relationships down to a science but when it comes to it, impulses prevail in the moment, and everything can go out the window. This whole PUA thing seems a bit odd, but with e-dating as popular as it is, there's obviously a market for that as well.
edit: or you can just use my pickup, play Bach. Bitches love Bach.
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EPT
