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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On June 21 2013 13:29 Kenpachi wrote:Show nested quote +On June 21 2013 13:27 B.I.G. wrote:
How often do you actually see her? Or are you saying you haven't seen her irl for 1.5 month? until last week we saw each other every day for a brief moment of time cause we go to the same school but its break and she's graduating (tomorrow actually!). She has a job and does other stuff now so we saw each other once in the last two weeks.
If she cares about you, she will find a way to make time to spend with you. If not, then you've got a different sort of problem.
On June 21 2013 13:30 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On June 21 2013 07:53 sambo400 wrote:
So I asked a girl to go out on friday and she said yes. But she told me the next day she's like 3 weeks pregnant. I had no idea.
Thats a new one... that means u got 37 weeks to pound that shit without risk do it my son
That's assuming she's telling you the truth. Taking this for granted might unexpected leave you a father, and that's not even getting into STD risk.
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Guys, this problem has probably been discussed a lot, but I do not have the time to look for it. So, I am in a pretty confusing situation, I do not really know what to do.So, there is one of my best female friends (now, when I say she is a good female friend, it is true, we're hanging out quite often, but absolutely ordinary, like normal friends.), however, scumbag brain strikes again ... I am starting to develop feelings towards her that are not so much as between friends,but more and the thing is I do not really want it. I know that if somehow I achieve it it is gonna be fuckin great and I am gonna be incredibly happy, but the risk is not worth it.I value this friendship in particular more than a potential relationship. So, how the fuck do I stop this development, so i can continue having a great friend like her.
(Boy, that sounds too gay at moments, but I dont fucking care,it's just that she is one of the few people I can always rely on.)
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On June 22 2013 02:20 MagmaPunch wrote:
Guys, this problem has probably been discussed a lot, but I do not have the time to look for it. So, I am in a pretty confusing situation, I do not really know what to do.So, there is one of my best female friends (now, when I say she is a good female friend, it is true, we're hanging out quite often, but absolutely ordinary, like normal friends.), however, scumbag brain strikes again ... I am starting to develop feelings towards her that are not so much as between friends,but more and the thing is I do not really want it. I know that if somehow I achieve it it is gonna be fuckin great and I am gonna be incredibly happy, but the risk is not worth it.I value this friendship in particular more than a potential relationship. So, how the fuck do I stop this development, so i can continue having a great friend like her.
(Boy, that sounds too gay at moments, but I dont fucking care,it's just that she is one of the few people I can always rely on.)
Well, the simple answer is to find another female to direct your lusting after, as it sounds like this "friend" of yours is dominating your attention. Other than that, you might just want to come clean and tell her.
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On June 22 2013 02:24 farvacola wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2013 02:20 MagmaPunch wrote:
Guys, this problem has probably been discussed a lot, but I do not have the time to look for it. So, I am in a pretty confusing situation, I do not really know what to do.So, there is one of my best female friends (now, when I say she is a good female friend, it is true, we're hanging out quite often, but absolutely ordinary, like normal friends.), however, scumbag brain strikes again ... I am starting to develop feelings towards her that are not so much as between friends,but more and the thing is I do not really want it. I know that if somehow I achieve it it is gonna be fuckin great and I am gonna be incredibly happy, but the risk is not worth it.I value this friendship in particular more than a potential relationship. So, how the fuck do I stop this development, so i can continue having a great friend like her.
(Boy, that sounds too gay at moments, but I dont fucking care,it's just that she is one of the few people I can always rely on.) Well, the simple answer is to find another female to direct your lusting after, as it sounds like this "friend" of yours is dominating your attention. Other than that, you might just want to come clean and tell her.
Basically this. Find some other girl to focus on in that way, and your feelings for her should return to how they were before.
Or just go for it. Your call.
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On June 22 2013 02:20 MagmaPunch wrote:
Guys, this problem has probably been discussed a lot, but I do not have the time to look for it. So, I am in a pretty confusing situation, I do not really know what to do.So, there is one of my best female friends (now, when I say she is a good female friend, it is true, we're hanging out quite often, but absolutely ordinary, like normal friends.), however, scumbag brain strikes again ... I am starting to develop feelings towards her that are not so much as between friends,but more and the thing is I do not really want it. I know that if somehow I achieve it it is gonna be fuckin great and I am gonna be incredibly happy, but the risk is not worth it.I value this friendship in particular more than a potential relationship. So, how the fuck do I stop this development, so i can continue having a great friend like her.
(Boy, that sounds too gay at moments, but I dont fucking care,it's just that she is one of the few people I can always rely on.)
Is she in your group of friends, or do you each have your own group of friends? These things can make a potentially bad situation much easier to deal with. Trying to tell yourself that you don't like her and instead like other girls is just not really going to work unless the feelings are genuine. Your best bet is tell her how you feel. If you both value your friendship and things don't work out how you want it too, you should be able to stay on good terms with her by treating her like you always do. She'll seem awkward at first, as will you, but it shouldn't last for too long.
And remember what I said earlier? Well, part of the reason you won't be able to forget her is that you'll be thinking about how things would work and what her answer would be. If you know it already and she told you, it'll be a lot easier to talk to look into other women.
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On June 22 2013 02:20 MagmaPunch wrote:
Guys, this problem has probably been discussed a lot, but I do not have the time to look for it. So, I am in a pretty confusing situation, I do not really know what to do.So, there is one of my best female friends (now, when I say she is a good female friend, it is true, we're hanging out quite often, but absolutely ordinary, like normal friends.), however, scumbag brain strikes again ... I am starting to develop feelings towards her that are not so much as between friends,but more and the thing is I do not really want it. I know that if somehow I achieve it it is gonna be fuckin great and I am gonna be incredibly happy, but the risk is not worth it.I value this friendship in particular more than a potential relationship. So, how the fuck do I stop this development, so i can continue having a great friend like her.
(Boy, that sounds too gay at moments, but I don't fucking care,it's just that she is one of the few people I can always rely on.)
This is pretty much how every latent crush develops. Your brain latches onto a single person and you build a reality in your head, but you will not allow yourself to damage your ego by risking rejection It happens to everyone at some point. You can actually just pick a girl and try it for yourself if you have the discipline to remember its just a crush. Unfortunately however, the female brain tends to work in the opposite direction, valuing someone as a potential mate initially and then transferring them to acquaintance once enough time passes. I see it like this: You continue to do nothing and exactly nothing happens (eventually you move on but you always regret it a little), you try to escalate and get accepted or rejected, by SHOWING and not TELLING (don't write a pathetic confession letter, for gods sake), or you remove yourself from it by stopping being so close/finding other girls.
My date with the preggo went fairly well. If some dudes kid wasn't growing inside her I would want to make her my girlfriend. Shes fucking hot and we get along great. Oh well.
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On June 22 2013 13:06 sambo400 wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2013 02:20 MagmaPunch wrote:
Guys, this problem has probably been discussed a lot, but I do not have the time to look for it. So, I am in a pretty confusing situation, I do not really know what to do.So, there is one of my best female friends (now, when I say she is a good female friend, it is true, we're hanging out quite often, but absolutely ordinary, like normal friends.), however, scumbag brain strikes again ... I am starting to develop feelings towards her that are not so much as between friends,but more and the thing is I do not really want it. I know that if somehow I achieve it it is gonna be fuckin great and I am gonna be incredibly happy, but the risk is not worth it.I value this friendship in particular more than a potential relationship. So, how the fuck do I stop this development, so i can continue having a great friend like her.
(Boy, that sounds too gay at moments, but I don't fucking care,it's just that she is one of the few people I can always rely on.) This is pretty much how every latent crush develops. Your brain latches onto a single person and you build a reality in your head, but you will not allow yourself to damage your ego by risking rejection It happens to everyone at some point. You can actually just pick a girl and try it for yourself if you have the discipline to remember its just a crush. Unfortunately however, the female brain tends to work in the opposite direction, valuing someone as a potential mate initially and then transferring them to acquaintance once enough time passes. I see it like this: You continue to do nothing and exactly nothing happens (eventually you move on but you always regret it a little), you try to escalate and get accepted or rejected, by SHOWING and not TELLING (don't write a pathetic confession letter, for gods sake), or you remove yourself from it by stopping being so close/finding other girls. My date with the preggo went fairly well. If some dudes kid wasn't growing inside her I would want to make her my girlfriend. Shes fucking hot and we get along great. Oh well.
Maybe it's just the way I kind of think, and I totally understand not wanting to raise another man's kid, but if you guys clicked, and you thought she was great, why not pursue it more? I understand why you wouldn't though, if I wasn't heavily into a girl, I wouldn't want to pay for her kid and her or even have to deal with the morning sickness, etc. But she must really like you if she went on a date preggers.
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On June 22 2013 13:12 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2013 13:06 sambo400 wrote:On June 22 2013 02:20 MagmaPunch wrote:
Guys, this problem has probably been discussed a lot, but I do not have the time to look for it. So, I am in a pretty confusing situation, I do not really know what to do.So, there is one of my best female friends (now, when I say she is a good female friend, it is true, we're hanging out quite often, but absolutely ordinary, like normal friends.), however, scumbag brain strikes again ... I am starting to develop feelings towards her that are not so much as between friends,but more and the thing is I do not really want it. I know that if somehow I achieve it it is gonna be fuckin great and I am gonna be incredibly happy, but the risk is not worth it.I value this friendship in particular more than a potential relationship. So, how the fuck do I stop this development, so i can continue having a great friend like her.
(Boy, that sounds too gay at moments, but I don't fucking care,it's just that she is one of the few people I can always rely on.) This is pretty much how every latent crush develops. Your brain latches onto a single person and you build a reality in your head, but you will not allow yourself to damage your ego by risking rejection It happens to everyone at some point. You can actually just pick a girl and try it for yourself if you have the discipline to remember its just a crush. Unfortunately however, the female brain tends to work in the opposite direction, valuing someone as a potential mate initially and then transferring them to acquaintance once enough time passes. I see it like this: You continue to do nothing and exactly nothing happens (eventually you move on but you always regret it a little), you try to escalate and get accepted or rejected, by SHOWING and not TELLING (don't write a pathetic confession letter, for gods sake), or you remove yourself from it by stopping being so close/finding other girls. My date with the preggo went fairly well. If some dudes kid wasn't growing inside her I would want to make her my girlfriend. Shes fucking hot and we get along great. Oh well. Maybe it's just the way I kind of think, and I totally understand not wanting to raise another man's kid, but if you guys clicked, and you thought she was great, why not pursue it more? I understand why you wouldn't though, if I wasn't heavily into a girl, I wouldn't want to pay for her kid and her or even have to deal with the morning sickness, etc. But she must really like you if she went on a date preggers.
No. Not even going there. I'm just finishing school and trying to start my career. I have no intentions of raising a family until I am standing on solid ground. If I can find one girl, I can find another...
But dammit, shes fucking hot.
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On June 22 2013 03:46 killa_robot wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2013 02:24 farvacola wrote:On June 22 2013 02:20 MagmaPunch wrote:
Guys, this problem has probably been discussed a lot, but I do not have the time to look for it. So, I am in a pretty confusing situation, I do not really know what to do.So, there is one of my best female friends (now, when I say she is a good female friend, it is true, we're hanging out quite often, but absolutely ordinary, like normal friends.), however, scumbag brain strikes again ... I am starting to develop feelings towards her that are not so much as between friends,but more and the thing is I do not really want it. I know that if somehow I achieve it it is gonna be fuckin great and I am gonna be incredibly happy, but the risk is not worth it.I value this friendship in particular more than a potential relationship. So, how the fuck do I stop this development, so i can continue having a great friend like her.
(Boy, that sounds too gay at moments, but I dont fucking care,it's just that she is one of the few people I can always rely on.) Well, the simple answer is to find another female to direct your lusting after, as it sounds like this "friend" of yours is dominating your attention. Other than that, you might just want to come clean and tell her. Basically this. Find some other girl to focus on in that way, and your feelings for her should return to how they were before. Or just go for it. Your call.
I told my crush, it was wierd for a day or two, then everything went on normally.
I tried finding another women, didnt work out as i hoped, so i have a huge crush on her. Dont know if to go for a round 2 or just ignore her as we are graduating and i could get away from her.
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On June 22 2013 06:47 Dark_Chill wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2013 02:20 MagmaPunch wrote:
Guys, this problem has probably been discussed a lot, but I do not have the time to look for it. So, I am in a pretty confusing situation, I do not really know what to do.So, there is one of my best female friends (now, when I say she is a good female friend, it is true, we're hanging out quite often, but absolutely ordinary, like normal friends.), however, scumbag brain strikes again ... I am starting to develop feelings towards her that are not so much as between friends,but more and the thing is I do not really want it. I know that if somehow I achieve it it is gonna be fuckin great and I am gonna be incredibly happy, but the risk is not worth it.I value this friendship in particular more than a potential relationship. So, how the fuck do I stop this development, so i can continue having a great friend like her.
(Boy, that sounds too gay at moments, but I dont fucking care,it's just that she is one of the few people I can always rely on.) Is she in your group of friends, or do you each have your own group of friends? These things can make a potentially bad situation much easier to deal with. Trying to tell yourself that you don't like her and instead like other girls is just not really going to work unless the feelings are genuine. Your best bet is tell her how you feel. If you both value your friendship and things don't work out how you want it too, you should be able to stay on good terms with her by treating her like you always do. She'll seem awkward at first, as will you, but it shouldn't last for too long. And remember what I said earlier? Well, part of the reason you won't be able to forget her is that you'll be thinking about how things would work and what her answer would be. If you know it already and she told you, it'll be a lot easier to talk to look into other women.
We are in the same clique, which is basically stopping me. If both of us were in different groups, then I would have had almost no problem, because I know I can handle it, but being in the same group, it is gonna be harder. I don't really know, what a fucking dilemma xd
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On June 22 2013 17:26 MagmaPunch wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2013 06:47 Dark_Chill wrote:On June 22 2013 02:20 MagmaPunch wrote:
Guys, this problem has probably been discussed a lot, but I do not have the time to look for it. So, I am in a pretty confusing situation, I do not really know what to do.So, there is one of my best female friends (now, when I say she is a good female friend, it is true, we're hanging out quite often, but absolutely ordinary, like normal friends.), however, scumbag brain strikes again ... I am starting to develop feelings towards her that are not so much as between friends,but more and the thing is I do not really want it. I know that if somehow I achieve it it is gonna be fuckin great and I am gonna be incredibly happy, but the risk is not worth it.I value this friendship in particular more than a potential relationship. So, how the fuck do I stop this development, so i can continue having a great friend like her.
(Boy, that sounds too gay at moments, but I dont fucking care,it's just that she is one of the few people I can always rely on.) Is she in your group of friends, or do you each have your own group of friends? These things can make a potentially bad situation much easier to deal with. Trying to tell yourself that you don't like her and instead like other girls is just not really going to work unless the feelings are genuine. Your best bet is tell her how you feel. If you both value your friendship and things don't work out how you want it too, you should be able to stay on good terms with her by treating her like you always do. She'll seem awkward at first, as will you, but it shouldn't last for too long. And remember what I said earlier? Well, part of the reason you won't be able to forget her is that you'll be thinking about how things would work and what her answer would be. If you know it already and she told you, it'll be a lot easier to talk to look into other women. We are in the same clique, which is basically stopping me. If both of us were in different groups, then I would have had almost no problem, because I know I can handle it, but being in the same group, it is gonna be harder. I don't really know, what a fucking dilemma xd
I was in a situation similar to you, went and asked her. It was a weird relationship, but it ended on good terms and we stayed friends. I don't think your friends will make it that awkward, and they'll probably do their best to reduce the awkwardness level should anything bad happen.
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On June 22 2013 02:20 MagmaPunch wrote:
Guys, this problem has probably been discussed a lot, but I do not have the time to look for it. So, I am in a pretty confusing situation, I do not really know what to do.So, there is one of my best female friends (now, when I say she is a good female friend, it is true, we're hanging out quite often, but absolutely ordinary, like normal friends.), however, scumbag brain strikes again ... I am starting to develop feelings towards her that are not so much as between friends,but more and the thing is I do not really want it. I know that if somehow I achieve it it is gonna be fuckin great and I am gonna be incredibly happy, but the risk is not worth it.I value this friendship in particular more than a potential relationship. So, how the fuck do I stop this development, so i can continue having a great friend like her.
(Boy, that sounds too gay at moments, but I dont fucking care,it's just that she is one of the few people I can always rely on.)
Hey just tell her. I went to tell a good friend I liked her. Just decided to be up front and told her. I'm glad I told her, it felt lousy keeping it just to myself. She said she'd think about it. And to be honest, after telling her, this crazy attraction I had for her sort of died down and while she still hasn't given me an answer, I'm actually pretty cool with it being a yes or no.
I think the whole experience was more important to me as me taking action and not being passive, rather than the actual outcome.
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Hmm, ok, thank you all for the advise. I will contemplate a bit and reach a decision.
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I feel like a complete retard. I can't stop thinking about this girl who was an exchange student at my school. We both liked each other but it never got really serious and now she's back in Finland and I still can't get over her. It's ruining my summer because I'm meeting new girls who I want to pursue but I just can't stop thinking about this one chick.
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met a nice girl last week, meeting her tomorrow xD
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On June 24 2013 01:19 MagmaPunch wrote:
Hmm, ok, thank you all for the advise. I will contemplate a bit and reach a decision.
I was in kind of a same situation where i slowly grew feelings towars a close friend (not going into detail so just gona say we did the same sport and spent at least the weekend together), which did not ended well. Particularly because i was a bit too shy on her. It eventually ended up me telling her that i like her and she is like "wow, it sucks cuz i kinda had feelings for you aswell but now i have a bf"... Now we don't talk or see eachother.
So my advice is, if she is the only girl you have feelings for right now, just be honest and go for it asap. Can only imagine a worse case then mine where you hide your feelings and regret not doing anything. Hope you do not end up in such situation cuz it sucks bigtime trust me :/
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Hello,
I'm freshly single (3 weeks by now), my girlfriend left me after more than 3.5 years, almost 3 living together, because she figured that she doesn't love me anymore...
I am at the point where I don't want to feel alone even if I know I am not ready for a relationship or just "one day things" because that is not part of who I am. I am stil *in love*, but I feel the need to be appreciated by a girl that is not a friend etc..
As my longterm relationship exploded to my face without warnings, I've lost quite a bit of self esteem and confidence in myself.
It might sound selfish and stupid, but it would also be somekind of *revenge* to stick to her face the fact that I can find someone else before her.
Since the break up, I've forced myself to go out with friends, I have been doing much more exercise than I used to be, I'm not ugly,I'm friendly etc.
I know that after such a long relationship it will be hard to recover.
My friends paid me one month on a dating website in order to "see if it goes somewhere". Maybe it will, maybe it won't.
I think going out with friends + this website might be a good start to meet new people/girls but maybe some of you could share some thoughts on similar situation ?
Is it selfish of me to want someone to help me forget her even if I don't end up having a serious relationship ?
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Well, i guess you would want to be sincere to those girls. You are not looking for something serious and they should know that. So girls would want to be around you for having fun. But are you fun at the moment?
I guess that your chances of finding a decent non-serious relationship are quite poorly. Would you want to be with someone who doesn't care that much about you, but is always in a bad mood?
If you don't tell them and try to act as nothing is wrong, but are not ready to commit to something real, you risk hurting a lot of feelings.
So, i would give myself some time until my self-confidence is back up again and the general outlook is brighter again before i start looking actively for them gurlz.
However, this is pretty theoretical advise, as i have been in your situation, but did not try dating right away.
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On June 22 2013 02:20 MagmaPunch wrote:
Guys, this problem has probably been discussed a lot, but I do not have the time to look for it. So, I am in a pretty confusing situation, I do not really know what to do.So, there is one of my best female friends (now, when I say she is a good female friend, it is true, we're hanging out quite often, but absolutely ordinary, like normal friends.), however, scumbag brain strikes again ... I am starting to develop feelings towards her that are not so much as between friends,but more and the thing is I do not really want it. I know that if somehow I achieve it it is gonna be fuckin great and I am gonna be incredibly happy, but the risk is not worth it.I value this friendship in particular more than a potential relationship. So, how the fuck do I stop this development, so i can continue having a great friend like her.
(Boy, that sounds too gay at moments, but I dont fucking care,it's just that she is one of the few people I can always rely on.)
In my experience, if you get along well with a girl you are bound to start having feelings for her, as long as there is nothing that absolutely repels you. If you can't handle liking her, and can't start a relationship with her, try to find the things she is/does that repel you most, and whenever your lonely brain tries to screw you again by simulating a perfect world where her and you are together and happy remember the part about the stuff where you just don't get along with her (your brain keeps ignoring those facts in favour of butterflies). It does not solve everything, as long as you are lonely your brain will continue to play games with your feelings, but it will help to keep you in check until you find a girl better fit for your situation
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Dammit, this friday was crazy.
So there is this one girl A who started hanging out in our clique a few months ago. Maybe two months ago I notice that she is kind of into me. I wasn't sure at first how I felt towards her but I figured I am not really feeling attracted by her a little later. She started texting me a lot, like good morning texts and shit like that. I always replied because I like her quite a bit but just as a friend, I never really gave her any signals coming from me that I'm into her but she just didn't realize I guess.
This friday was one of my friends birthday parties and I figured it's maybe time to ask her and tell her I don't see her as more than a friend.
Was fucking hard man, I never had to turn anybody down like that before. Getting turned down and turning someone down both kind of suck -.-
Anyway, she drove home and the rest of us went to a club and girl B shows up.
Girl B is the ex gf of the guy who's birthday it was, although that was quite a few years ago already, and we basically had no contact since then.
I randomly bumped into her a few weeks ago in a club and she seemed to like me a bit.
Turns out I was right, she got me really wasted, bought me like 10 drinks lol. At one point the group kind of scattered to different clubs because there was some drama over girl C or something, I don't know was too wasted by then, and me and girl B decide to grab some food. Afterwards she wanted to go home and I decided to leave as well. In the taxi she asked me if I wanted to come on in to her place and watch a movie. Of course I knew this was kind of a codeword meaning "do you want to pretend to watch a movie and make out/fuck"
I followed her and of course we ended up making out, no sex though.
At the end of the night I felt kinda like a player and horrible person at the same time -_-
Not sure how to continue with girl B. I like her quite a bit but it is still kind of holding me back that she is the ex of one of my buddies, even though like I said that has been quite some years ago.
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EPT
