EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 182
| Forum Index > General Forum |
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
|
QuanticHawk
United States32107 Posts
| ||
|
Snotling
Germany885 Posts
I keep it very strictly trimmed anyway, especially around the mouth. | ||
|
gedatsu
1286 Posts
On June 04 2013 17:31 TOCHMY wrote: Way to stretch it dude! It's a flippin beard. I'd accept your analogy if you stopped at the stupid-ass haircut. I know it's a beard, but I don't know why you feel that makes enough of a difference to invalidate the other two examples. Addendum to my last post: if there's another reason for your beard then that obviously changes things. Maybe you have some sentimental attachment to it, or you know for a fact that you look really stupid without it. But just "I like it" is not good enough if you want to have any say on what your partner looks like. | ||
|
TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
On June 05 2013 00:59 gedatsu wrote: I know it's a beard, but I don't know why you feel that makes enough of a difference to invalidate the other two examples. Addendum to my last post: if there's another reason for your beard then that obviously changes things. Maybe you have some sentimental attachment to it, or you know for a fact that you look really stupid without it. But just "I like it" is not good enough if you want to have any say on what your partner looks like. I do have a sentimental, affectionate attachment to my beard, otherwise I wouldn't consider keeping it. But I'ma let her enjoy the beardless TOCHMY for a while til she begs me to get my manly facehair back  | ||
|
docvoc
United States5491 Posts
On June 05 2013 00:35 QuanticHawk wrote: ask her to a specific place at a specific time. if she can't make it, give her another option or ask a time that works for her. if she cant do that, she's a putz who is too afraid to tell you she isnt interested Pulling out the yiddish, fuckin shikses. | ||
|
r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
On June 05 2013 00:35 QuanticHawk wrote: ask her to a specific place at a specific time. if she can't make it, give her another option or ask a time that works for her. if she cant do that, she's a putz who is too afraid to tell you she isnt interested ...or you can actually not be a dick and do what dating is all about: Playing games that are fun for both. If she says she can't make what you suggested, say that you're giving up and that it's now her job to entertain you at a date and place she suggests. Assuming she's attracted the things women can come up with in those situations are absolutely glorious. | ||
|
QuanticHawk
United States32107 Posts
| ||
|
WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
EDIT: If she already thinks of you as cocky/funny you could probably do what r.Evo suggests. | ||
|
r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
On June 05 2013 05:06 QuanticHawk wrote: how is anything i said dick? it's almost the same as you're saying, except admittedly a lot less clever. ask her out for such and such day, and if she can't make find out when she's free. if she gives you wishy washy shit still when the ball is in her court, i think it's pretty clear what's going on?? It's the subtle difference between being seductive and trying to make an appointment with your dentist. If your dentist doesn't have time next week Wednesday and Thursday (the days you were asking for an appointment) you're not saying: "Wow, that dentist sucks I'll go look for a new one". It's the same for a arranging a date, suggesting two different dates and then being like "wow this girl sucks" blows the whole thing out of proportion. If we now ask why she has no time we look like a creep and if we try more setups for a date we might end up looking clingy/desperate. You're in a corner that you got yourself in without wanting to end up there. The only "good way out" is if she ends up leading the situation from here which makes this a screening tool, not a way to get further when it comes to dating her. By instead immediately throwing the ball in her court you force her to invest (while still retaining a dominant framing because you told her to invest) and it's very hard for her to reject in that situation. If she does or avoids the topic you have a clear sign that this won't work and can politely exit the situation. | ||
|
JoeCool
Germany2520 Posts
So I´ll ask her out ( a second time) for sunday afternoon/evening, having dinner or sth like that. Still not sure if this or the next WE. It´s just that I don´t know whether it´s too early to ask a second time. | ||
|
quetzy
Croatia15 Posts
 )But yeah, a good friend of mine is in a serious relationship (about a year now), and I care about both of them and would love to see them stay together, but there is an issue he just mentioned. Namely, she went through some of his old photos (nothing sneaky, just browsing with him knowing it) and ran into photos of him and his ex together (nothing explicit, just them with other friends hanging out). Her reaction? She wants him to delete all the photos with his exes. If he didn't care about it, I guess he could, but he says it's part of his past, his memories, and he would hate to delete it all. imho, that's an overreaction on her side which shows some underlying insecurities, and trying to put myself in that situation - I probably wouldn't love it if my wife would look at some photos with exes, but it would never cross my mind to ask her to delete them all. Hell, if I went through some old photos of my exes, it would probably also be just a good memory (I'm still friends with my exes), in the same way as if looking at photos with you and your old friends would be. Any thoughts on how he should approach this? I know it's not really a dating issue, but there are some good relationship experts here so if you guys have some decent advice it would be appreciated. | ||
|
Malehonnete
France20 Posts
On June 05 2013 20:51 quetzy wrote: I've got this friend... (I know how this sounds lol )But yeah, a good friend of mine is in a serious relationship (about a year now), and I care about both of them and would love to see them stay together, but there is an issue he just mentioned. Namely, she went through some of his old photos (nothing sneaky, just browsing with him knowing it) and ran into photos of him and his ex together (nothing explicit, just them with other friends hanging out). Her reaction? She wants him to delete all the photos with his exes. If he didn't care about it, I guess he could, but he says it's part of his past, his memories, and he would hate to delete it all. imho, that's an overreaction on her side which shows some underlying insecurities, and trying to put myself in that situation - I probably wouldn't love it if my wife would look at some photos with exes, but it would never cross my mind to ask her to delete them all. Hell, if I went through some old photos of my exes, it would probably also be just a good memory (I'm still friends with my exes), in the same way as if looking at photos with you and your old friends would be. Any thoughts on how he should approach this? I know it's not really a dating issue, but there are some good relationship experts here so if you guys have some decent advice it would be appreciated. I had an almost same issue some years ago, and my gf took it very seriously. I didn't consider it at first because, like you said, to me it was part of the past, that kind of past that you have to deal with it but don't bother for the present. But she understood the fact that I refused to delete those photos like this girl was still important for me (and she did not). So it became a great subject of argument between us. I finished by delete the photos of my laptop and DDE, only keeping them on one DVD that I knew she will never look at lol. I did it because I was somewhat stubborn, it was my way to say to myself "ok, I'll do it for her, because I love her. But still, this is my compromise". Three months ago, I found this DVD back and simply put it to the trash. After all, all of what I did and see, what was in those photos, is on my mind. No need those photos. I suppose your friend could the same - just delete them. Or, what about giving them to you or a trusted person if he really doesn't want to delete them? | ||
|
QuanticHawk
United States32107 Posts
On June 05 2013 16:01 r.Evo wrote: It's the subtle difference between being seductive and trying to make an appointment with your dentist. If your dentist doesn't have time next week Wednesday and Thursday (the days you were asking for an appointment) you're not saying: "Wow, that dentist sucks I'll go look for a new one". It's the same for a arranging a date, suggesting two different dates and then being like "wow this girl sucks" blows the whole thing out of proportion. If we now ask why she has no time we look like a creep and if we try more setups for a date we might end up looking clingy/desperate. You're in a corner that you got yourself in without wanting to end up there. The only "good way out" is if she ends up leading the situation from here which makes this a screening tool, not a way to get further when it comes to dating her. By instead immediately throwing the ball in her court you force her to invest (while still retaining a dominant framing because you told her to invest) and it's very hard for her to reject in that situation. If she does or avoids the topic you have a clear sign that this won't work and can politely exit the situation. i dont mean inquire about her total schedule lol i mean something as simple as 'well id really like to see you at some point. what day would you be free and ill see if i can meet up'' it puts the onus on her to make a decision, and isnt desperate or creepy were saying pretty much the exact same thing. give her a couple dates, if not, find out a time that would be good or chalk it up as a loss if she is still wishy washy. yours is much more witty but there of plenty of people who arent charasmatic enough to pull that off without making it sound like some kinda pua or general weirdo and there are other ways to say the same thing | ||
|
gedatsu
1286 Posts
On June 05 2013 20:51 quetzy wrote: I've got this friend... (I know how this sounds lol )But yeah, a good friend of mine is in a serious relationship (about a year now), and I care about both of them and would love to see them stay together, but there is an issue he just mentioned. Namely, she went through some of his old photos (nothing sneaky, just browsing with him knowing it) and ran into photos of him and his ex together (nothing explicit, just them with other friends hanging out). Her reaction? She wants him to delete all the photos with his exes. If he didn't care about it, I guess he could, but he says it's part of his past, his memories, and he would hate to delete it all. imho, that's an overreaction on her side which shows some underlying insecurities, and trying to put myself in that situation - I probably wouldn't love it if my wife would look at some photos with exes, but it would never cross my mind to ask her to delete them all. Hell, if I went through some old photos of my exes, it would probably also be just a good memory (I'm still friends with my exes), in the same way as if looking at photos with you and your old friends would be. Any thoughts on how he should approach this? I know it's not really a dating issue, but there are some good relationship experts here so if you guys have some decent advice it would be appreciated. I would say something like this: Even though I'm not in love with this person anymore, a lot of the memories I have from my time with her are precious to me and that time also helped shape me into the person you're dating today. I don't think it's fair for you to ask me to completely abandon any tokens I have saved to remind me of good times in my past. If you're really made uncomfortable by these photos - which there is no need for you to be, since we are speaking about the past - then how about I store them in a photo album in the attic. | ||
|
Slardar
Canada7593 Posts
| ||
|
sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 06 2013 00:03 Slardar wrote: My dating luck has been akin to that StarCraft priorities picture 2 pages back. Yeah, quite bad. I'm too particular about ladies, not to say my standards are high or anything... you don't get great odds with 1 or 2 dice. There are and have been plenty of men for whom women is a relatively low priority, yet manage to do well with women. The most successful men throughout history have never been Casanovas (e.g. PUAs); rather, they have been conquerors/kings/leaders (e.g. men with power/wealth). Blaming your low dating success on not prioritizing dating is just an excuse to feel better about the real problem: you have low sexual marketplace value. If you were a high-value man, it wouldn't matter if you didn't prioritize women; they would flock to you of their own accord. So if you want better dating "luck", go increase your value. Work on your education and career, hit the gym and improve your body, develop your social skills, etc. | ||
|
Slardar
Canada7593 Posts
On June 06 2013 05:16 sunprince wrote: There are and have been plenty of men for whom women is a relatively low priority, yet manage to do well with women. The most successful men throughout history have never been Casanovas (e.g. PUAs); rather, they have been conquerors/kings/leaders (e.g. men with power/wealth). Blaming your low dating success on not prioritizing dating is just an excuse to feel better about the real problem: you have low sexual marketplace value. If you were a high-value man, it wouldn't matter if you didn't prioritize women; they would flock to you of their own accord. So if you want better dating "luck", go increase your value. Work on your education and career, hit the gym and improve your body, develop your social skills, etc. Although that is good general advice, I'm not deprioritizing dating. I'm just being very picky with the girls I like and they just so happen to not be interested. | ||
|
yOngKIN
Korea (North)656 Posts
So he was crazy over this girl for as long as we can remember. For years. Finally, they were in a class together last semester. After a few days a painfully awkward glances, he manages to "ask" her out, conversation went like this: "Hi, do you have an extra pen" "Wait let me... "Uhmm, actually, I was wondering if your free tomorrow night?" Silence. Blink blink. "For dinner or coffee" More awkward silence, at least she's smiling. "Ok" "Ok!" My friend is ecstatic. They discuss the details, and on the aforementioned time and date, they meet. Being a virgin and a poor planner, he takes her to one of the more expensive restaurants in town. Normal dinner occurs, nothing glaringly terrible, and nothing to hint towards a second date as well. At least its neutral. It's time to close the tab. Guess what, he left his wallet. Guess what else, she does not have enough to pay. Long story short, he calls me and I come to the rescue. Lolsome. | ||
|
Shotcoder
United States2316 Posts
On June 06 2013 07:08 yOngKIN wrote: Funny and sad story at the same time, my friend's, not mine: So he was crazy over this girl for as long as we can remember. For years. Finally, they were in a class together last semester. After a few days a painfully awkward glances, he manages to "ask" her out, conversation went like this: "Hi, do you have an extra pen" "Wait let me... "Uhmm, actually, I was wondering if your free tomorrow night?" Silence. Blink blink. "For dinner or coffee" More awkward silence, at least she's smiling. "Ok" "Ok!" My friend is ecstatic. They discuss the details, and on the aforementioned time and date, they meet. Being a virgin and a poor planner, he takes her to one of the more expensive restaurants in town. Normal dinner occurs, nothing glaringly terrible, and nothing to hint towards a second date as well. At least its neutral. It's time to close the tab. Guess what, he left his wallet. Guess what else, she does not have enough to pay. Long story short, he calls me and I come to the rescue. Lolsome. Honestly the part where he asks her out is an awesome tactic. The Pen trick is awesome to get classmates, clerks, or waitresses. Also, it's not a lot of dedication and is easy for both parties. "Can I borrow your pen?" "Sure" "Can I borrow your number too?" Yes? Winner, No? Meh, try again somewhere else. The second part is funny though. I don't think I even leave my house without my wallet, but I could totally see it if he was excessively nervous. I've done some dumb shit too while nervous as hell. | ||
|
electronic voyeur
United States133 Posts
On June 06 2013 07:08 yOngKIN wrote: Funny and sad story at the same time, my friend's, not mine: So he was crazy over this girl for as long as we can remember. For years. Finally, they were in a class together last semester. After a few days a painfully awkward glances, he manages to "ask" her out, conversation went like this: "Hi, do you have an extra pen" "Wait let me... "Uhmm, actually, I was wondering if your free tomorrow night?" Silence. Blink blink. "For dinner or coffee" More awkward silence, at least she's smiling. "Ok" "Ok!" My friend is ecstatic. They discuss the details, and on the aforementioned time and date, they meet. Being a virgin and a poor planner, he takes her to one of the more expensive restaurants in town. Normal dinner occurs, nothing glaringly terrible, and nothing to hint towards a second date as well. At least its neutral. It's time to close the tab. Guess what, he left his wallet. Guess what else, she does not have enough to pay. Long story short, he calls me and I come to the rescue. Lolsome. You're making this up North Korean! | ||
| ||
