Dating: How's your luck? - Page 181
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
electronic voyeur
United States133 Posts
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gTank
Austria2542 Posts
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TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
On June 03 2013 22:37 HotShizz wrote: hmm I have also been given the gift of beard, and dislike shaving. The Mrs, obviously, prefers when I dont stab her with the thousand needles protruding from my face. Thusly have we come to the agreement of me keeping it well trimmed and making sure that I especially keep the moustache trimmed above the lip line so when we kiss, it doesn't bother her. If I were you, I would shave it, once, and then just let it grow back, but keeping it under control at all times. Try to find a style that keeps your cheeks at least somewhat smooth. For example, I have about 2 centimeters around the jaw line and the perhaps two and half at the sideburns with a goatee and moustache, but dont let it climb all the way up to meld into one deformed mass. Compromise. Dude, do you mean 2 millimeters? Cuz 2 CM is LONG! I usually trim it 5 mm then let it grow for 2-3 weeks, end up with 2-3 CM before trimming back to 5 mm. | ||
Malehonnete
France20 Posts
It's not a real big deal to change beard/mustache. It's like a girl changing hair colour. Like someone said, if it's to be more attactive to her, you could try (even use it - make her do something in exchange). | ||
HotShizz
France710 Posts
On June 03 2013 22:46 TOCHMY wrote: Dude, do you mean 2 millimeters? Cuz 2 CM is LONG! I usually trim it 5 mm then let it grow for 2-3 weeks, end up with 2-3 CM before trimming back to 5 mm. lol i see i lack specificity there :D i don't mean like each hair is two cm long but i keep it cut up from the neck and down from the cheek and only leave about 2 cm where i allow hair to grow. pretty difficult to find a picture when you just google beard style, this is the best i can do just imagine it without the steroids. ![]() i keep the sideburns a bit thicker and have it more cropped at the goatee so its a straight drop from the moustache instead of a taper outward, but the idea is pretty similar i guess. | ||
TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
On June 03 2013 23:09 HotShizz wrote: lol i see i lack specificity there :D i don't mean like each hair is two cm long but i keep it cut up from the neck and down from the cheek and only leave about 2 cm where i allow hair to grow. pretty difficult to find a picture when you just google beard style, this is the best i can do just imagine it without the steroids. ![]() i keep the sideburns a bit thicker and have it more cropped at the goatee so its a straight drop from the moustache instead of a taper outward, but the idea is pretty similar i guess. Yeah thats pretty much how I look (minus the roids as you said) but I've got dark, almost black beard. Sometimes I shave clean on my neck/throat, but only if I feel really fancy, or before a party or w/e. | ||
Cirqueenflex
499 Posts
On June 03 2013 22:11 TOCHMY wrote: I've had a full beard for like 2 years, and I quite enjoy having it. It suits me I feel. What does one do when the girl wants me to shave and pulls the "do it for me" card? I don't wanna shave T_T here is my opinion on it, but I might of course be totally wrong ![]() I don't think any good comes from the "do it for me" card. It is blackmailing at its finest, as you either deny the request and imply that you do not care enough for her or you become her bitch and do as she wants (at which point she may ask for more...) If she likes you, she may ask for it, but she will also accept you if you choose different. And if you like her you will probably shave in the end, as you want to make her happy. Forcing this natural cycle puts her in a position of power and you in a position of weakness, it creates an imbalance that often times crashes the relationship. I would deny the request (but make clear to her that the denial of the request does not have anything to do with your feelings for her), give some time for her to show she still likes you even though you didn't do it, and when she has accepted it you shave for her because you want to. Again, I might be wrong on this and you could screw up everything, so be careful whatever you do ![]() | ||
TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
On June 03 2013 23:18 Cirqueenflex wrote: here is my opinion on it, but I might of course be totally wrong ![]() I don't think any good comes from the "do it for me" card. It is blackmailing at its finest, as you either deny the request and imply that you do not care enough for her or you become her bitch and do as she wants (at which point she may ask for more...) If she likes you, she may ask for it, but she will also accept you if you choose different. And if you like her you will probably shave in the end, as you want to make her happy. Forcing this natural cycle puts her in a position of power and you in a position of weakness, it creates an imbalance that often times crashes the relationship. I would deny the request (but make clear to her that the denial of the request does not have anything to do with your feelings for her), give some time for her to show she still likes you even though you didn't do it, and when she has accepted it you shave for her because you want to. Again, I might be wrong on this and you could screw up everything, so be careful whatever you do ![]() In the end, it's just a beard. It'll grow back. | ||
Grumbels
Netherlands7028 Posts
What about people that wear hats? My brother wears one and I'm pretty sure he would stop instantly if it bothered a future girlfriend. | ||
HotShizz
France710 Posts
On June 04 2013 00:51 Grumbels wrote: I try to stay true to my ideals of younger years, so that means no beard and after I graduate I want to become an explorer. What about people that wear hats? My brother wears one and I'm pretty sure he would stop instantly if it bothered a future girlfriend. Yes, but taking off a hat is neither a time commitment nor an unpleasant experience where you find yourself dragging a blade across the flesh on your face, and once you take the hat off it stays off until you put it back on ![]() | ||
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Liquid`Drone
Norway28554 Posts
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QuanticHawk
United States32027 Posts
On June 01 2013 18:39 Broetchenholer wrote: So, yeah. I am in a relationship with a really unsecure and unexperienced girl. I am her first boyfriend and she is 22. We are dating for about 4 months, seeing each other weekly, no sex yet. So, i always knew that she might not really know what she wants from me. And that she might figure out later, that a crush does not equal a good relationship. Well, two weeks ago, she left our date pretty early. SO i asked by mail if something is wrong, which she affirmed. Next week, she had planned to take me to a restaurant, as a birthday gift to me and because i had cooked for her the last months. I wanted to talk to her first though, so the evening wouldn't be awkward. She politely ignored any attempts to so though. I was a bit pissed, but the evening itself wsa quite nice. Until at the end, i asked her again to talk about her insecurity. She said we should talk about it next week. Not happy about that, but okay. So i send her an sms afterwards, asking her about the next date and that, whatever is troubling her, we should talk about it. Since then i heard nothing from her. We would have met wednesday, as we are roleplaying together this day, but she excused herself as being ill. She did not excuse herself for the weekend though. So on friday, i wrote a long email, telling her that i am really in a bad mood because of this, that i feel left and that she should really talk to me. I really like her. I think the ojnly explanation is, that she has realized she does not see me that way and now she is afraid to tell me. All i want is her to say it and i can try to move on. Wouldn't make me a happy man, but at least i could try. How do i get her to talk to me, without being a jerk or a complete pest? Calling her didn't work, she rarely uses her phone, and obviously ignores it. I am not even sure she reads my mails at this point, send the last one with a verification, nothing came back so far. I want to keep her as a friend, if i can, and in the slim chance that there is an explanation to this, not screw my chances with her entirely. Just wait in agony till she decides to contact me? drive over there? Call her 20 times an hour? rofl! FUCK MY LIFE! the other dudes who replied to you are dumb. the proper response to someone who tells you something is wrong but is happy to sit on it for a week is to dump their ass. you dont wanna talk that instant, that night, ok. there's valid reasons for that. but by the next day, you have to address the issue. dont tolerate that shit. granted, you should have said, no i want to talk about this (some not immediate but reasonable time frame). rather than agree then get pissed and ask again and again. but the point still stands, she sucks at communicating, dump her ass actually, the best decision would be to not date 22 year olds who have zero dating experience, but you already fucked the pooch on that one | ||
Grumbels
Netherlands7028 Posts
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Kyrillion
Russian Federation748 Posts
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gedatsu
1286 Posts
On June 03 2013 22:11 TOCHMY wrote: I've had a full beard for like 2 years, and I quite enjoy having it. It suits me I feel. What does one do when the girl wants me to shave and pulls the "do it for me" card? I don't wanna shave T_T This one is easy. Picture the following: your girlfriend starts wearing a stupid-ass haircut (obligatory), stops working out and gets chubby, or no longer puts on interesting underwear. You ask her to change it, but she says this new thing suits her. Would you want her to change it anyway? Then do what she asks now. Otherwise, enjoy those grandma panties. On June 04 2013 03:46 QuanticHawk wrote: the other dudes who replied to you are dumb. the proper response to someone who tells you something is wrong but is happy to sit on it for a week is to dump their ass. you dont wanna talk that instant, that night, ok. there's valid reasons for that. but by the next day, you have to address the issue. dont tolerate that shit. granted, you should have said, no i want to talk about this (some not immediate but reasonable time frame). rather than agree then get pissed and ask again and again. but the point still stands, she sucks at communicating, dump her ass I agree with this. actually, the best decision would be to not date 22 year olds who have zero dating experience, but you already fucked the pooch on that one But not with this. If you still haven't heard from her, email her and say that you're breaking up with her and it sucks that you have to tell her this way. | ||
TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
On June 04 2013 17:24 gedatsu wrote: This one is easy. Picture the following: your girlfriend starts wearing a stupid-ass haircut (obligatory), stops working out and gets chubby, or no longer puts on interesting underwear. You ask her to change it, but she says this new thing suits her. Would you want her to change it anyway? Then do what she asks now. Otherwise, enjoy those grandma panties. Way to stretch it dude! It's a flippin beard. I'd accept your analogy if you stopped at the stupid-ass haircut. | ||
r.Evo
Germany14079 Posts
On June 04 2013 03:23 Liquid`Drone wrote: yea hat isn't comparable to beard. the reason why men grow beards is mostly due to the fact that shaving is boring. and if you have a full beard, it's something you can ignore for 3+ weeks at a time. if you try to stay clean shaven but have decent facial hair growth, then you just added a 5 minute chore to your daily or semi-daily routine. which sucks. Having a beard makes this whole annoying thing of people in the middle of the day telling you "you could at least have shown up shaved" go away. <3 BEST | ||
QuanticHawk
United States32027 Posts
On June 04 2013 07:07 Grumbels wrote: You are aware that if everyone stops dating people with no dating experience humanity will die out? :o i am saying that if you have dated enough people to know how to behave in an adult relationship, you want to avoid dating those who havent had that experience because you're gonna end up having a relationship that mirrors those dumb ones you had in high school. let 22 year olds who behave like 16 year olds date people in similar circumstances. as an adult, you should focus on dating other adults, not rescung an idiot from themselves. i dont think the beard thing is as cut and dry as people think. beards are both part being lazy and part being style. if a woman is lazy, she can neglect shaving in a few different areas and youll quickly get cranky. from a style point, having a shitty beard she doesnt like really is the same as her taking up a new hair cut you hate. the issue is actually pretty layered and i dont care enough to write words about it, but id probably say it is a case by case type of thing. how the topic is approached really changes things too (ie: 'i like you clean shaven' vs 'shave that thing or no sex') but specifically to tochmy's case, did she start dating me with a full beard? Yes: deal with it or take a fucking hike. No: probably shave or at least find a trimmed level that is acceptable to both. | ||
Salazarz
Korea (South)2590 Posts
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JoeCool
Germany2517 Posts
We´re having contact on a regular basis and I already asked her out once. Like two weeks ago, she had no time which was okay for me. Now she keeps texting me but never asks for a date.. So should I wait and ask her again? Or is it up to her? | ||
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