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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On June 01 2013 12:21 Killscreen wrote:
No, burden of proof is yours. I cant prove a negative.
You've got to be kidding.
For instance, take the propositions
"I have posted in the thread "Coffee Drinker's Thread".
"I have not posted in the thread '[TV] HBO Game of Thrones'."
Not only is there no difference in the confirmability of these statements, even the confirmation procedure is exactly the same: We go into the thread and look for a post by me.
You can prove a negative.
TL;DR: Don't parrot stuff without understanding what it means.
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On June 02 2013 01:27 Broetchenholer wrote:
@kaluro:
You make me sound like a nutcase. Thx for that. I tried calling her twice, i wrote 1 email to ask for a talk, i wrote one sms to ask for a talk and a week later, i wrote 1 email to tell her that i feel treated unfairly. I am not pushy at all.
And how is your vision how that should have gone fair? I shall just wait. One month. Two months. Until she finally decides to say, "hey, funny how we bump into each other here, by the way, i dumped you 2 Months ago." Where is here consideration of my mental health? Am i less worthy of that, for being a man, and having had splitups before? What kind of stupid double-standard is that?
@ Grumbels:
Yeah, i am insecure. Let's just say, the last year was not very kind to me. And yeah, i am panicking. And yeah, just doing nothing is the best way from now, she knows that i feel shitty, i can't do more then tell her once. Suxx though.
Well, your feelings are important also, but let's say that panicking and being insecure are nevertheless not attractive qualities, so that's why generally people will advice you to try to work on those.
I want to mention that your story actually reminds me of a past relationship of mine. She was a bit younger than me and a very private person, there would often be somewhat major developments in her life that I found out secondhand, frequently she simply ignored me when I asked her difficult/personal questions (change the subject etc.). I frequently got upset at this and then I would tell her that I felt a bit hurt and so on.
In retrospect I wasn't too happy with my behavior for a couple of reasons:
- she's younger than me so I should be careful with being upset at her for doing things I might as well have done at that age
- even though she wouldn't always share things with me, that wasn't because she didn't think I was important enough to share it with, it might have been that she simply didn't tell anyone to begin with and that I was still the first person she told, or that she just felt uncomfortable talking to me about something
- people don't all have the same emotional time table, you have to give them time and space to see things from your side and to let them work through emotional issues on their own, without forcing the issue every moment you are uncomfortable about something
- I can't control her behavior, only my own, I should take her for who she is and don't expect her to change or even demand she changes.
- it's not necessary to explicitly frame all of our interactions, sometimes you should just go along with things and see how they work out without being too self-conscious about it, because that often is synonymous with insecurity. (i.e. stop monitoring progress of your relationship all the time, assigning meaning to every activity or conversation)
I made a promise to myself that I would have faith in her and so I adopted a more laid back attitude. I guess it mostly worked, since we're best friends now. :p
So yeah, don't give in to thought patterns that will make the both of you unhappy. Dating is not about right or wrong, the first rule is always to protect your feelings and learn when it's time to stop caring. Never pursue grievances you might have or whatever, life's too short.
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I'm currently in a serious relationship for the first time and couldn't be happier! When we met a year ago, Diablo III was just released, so winning me over required a fair amount of patience and understanding on her behalf:
![[image loading]](http://www.nesretro.com/yabbfiles/Attachments/blizzard.jpg)
Everything turned out fine and now we often watch LAGTV, GSL and whatnot together, which makes me feel priviledged. As of late, she's started playing HotS herself. Of course we de other stuff too, but I never thought I could be my nerdy self as freely as this.
Starcraft and love can walk hand in hand, my life is awesome. Just wanted to share.
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On June 02 2013 02:26 rotta wrote:I'm currently in a serious relationship for the first time and couldn't be happier! When we met a year ago, Diablo III was just released, so winning me over required a fair amount of patience and understanding on her behalf: + Show Spoiler +Everything turned out fine and now we often watch LAGTV, GSL and whatnot together, which makes me feel priviledged. As of late, she's started playing HotS herself. Of course we de other stuff too, but I never thought I could be my nerdy self as freely as this. Starcraft and love can walk hand in hand, my life is awesome. Just wanted to share.
Does she by chance have a sister who is still single? 
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I live in a apartment with my parents, my room has a thin wall and i can hear a girl everytime she is in her room also, she sometimes is watching tv on skyping when i go to bed (i go to bed at 04:00 am ++) obviously she can hear me to, lately i´ve been having the curiosity to talk to her, i have never crossed eyes with her on the apartment, do you think i could do anything without sounding a complete weirdo?
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Knock on door; Talk to her. Invite for dinner or social event.
Worst case: Things are awkward for 15 seconds if you ever arrive home together.
Best case: All you need to do if you want some is knock on the wall.
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On June 02 2013 12:11 jrkirby wrote:
Knock on door; Talk to her. Invite for dinner or social event.
Worst case: Things are awkward for 15 seconds if you ever arrive home together.
Best case: All you need to do if you want some is knock on the wall.
Best case: you can cut a small hole in that wall and...
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On June 02 2013 12:16 FeUerFlieGe wrote:Show nested quote +On June 02 2013 12:11 jrkirby wrote:
Knock on door; Talk to her. Invite for dinner or social event.
Worst case: Things are awkward for 15 seconds if you ever arrive home together.
Best case: All you need to do if you want some is knock on the wall. Best case: you can cut a small hole in that wall and...
...go for glory?
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If you ever see her outside, introduce yourself. However don't say "oh i hear you at night through my wall and wanted to meet you".
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On June 03 2013 00:10 Najda wrote:
If you ever see her outside, introduce yourself. However don't say "oh i hear you at night through my wall and wanted to meet you".
If you do say this, record the conversation and tell her you are doing so as a follow up
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On May 30 2013 00:16 LostWraithSC wrote:Forgive as I rant about my incredibly foolish story... I met a girl at work last year and we ended up working on the same project. We became pretty good friends quickly, and one day she gave me an overly obvious hint that she liked me (as more than a coworker). I, in my incredible idiocy/stubbornness, felt she wasn't really "my type", and didn't want to risk awkwardness at work. So I friend-zoned her  We continued to hang out as good friends and neither of us made a big deal about it. At one point some people at our company just assumed we are dating since we were so close. This later led to some awkward conversations between us, where we agreed that it wouldn't work between us. However, after being such good friends (we've been close for about six months now) my feelings have gradually changed. We've been trying to wing for each other at parties, to no success. At one point I realized that I would be really sad if she started dating another guy, and I wanted to be with her for every movie, every party, basically all the time. So last weekend we went to see an animated movie together. After the movie I told her I had changed my mind and want to be more than friends. She told me she needs time to think about it and she's confused. She has a big exam this Saturday that she's stressing out for, and we'll catch up again after that. TLDR: Friend-zoned a great girl; want her back after months of great friendship; she needs time to think about it. So that's the story of my life right now. I welcome any advice. Feel free to just call me an idiot too since I deserve it. Lots of guys try to get out of the friend-zone, though I'm probably the only one who's trying to escape one that I set up in the first place.
An update to my situation:
We grabbed dinner last Sunday and had our normal light conversations at first.
When the topic came up again, I asked her if she had thought about it. She first said that she felt she was too immature right now and don't want to jump into a relationship right now. I didn't buy it at all, so she told me a different story: At this point I'm her best friend in NY and she cares a lot about me. She thinks that we can be more than friends and we are on the right path, but she wants to know me on a deeper level before committing to a relationship, so she won't end up changing her mind too quickly and hurting me. She says she once rushed into a relationship with a really good guy friend and immediately realized they weren't good as couples. She ended up breaking his heart and she doesn't want to do the same to me.
I asked her if she thinks we'll end up the same as her last relationship, if we were to start. She said no and she thinks we can be more than friends, but she wants to be sure because there's a lot at stake at this point (as opposed to when we first met).
Outcome: We made a promise that the two of us will hang out with each other, alone, every week going forward. We can talk about all the "deep" things she wants. I told her that she can take her time (I took 6 months after all, a fact she's not shy to throw at me) but hopefully she can decide after a few weeks/a month or so.
What do you guys think? I think either a) she's trying to let me off easy and couldn't bear to just tell me right away or b) she's being honest, and she really does care or c) she's just playing hard to get back at me for making her wait 6 months...
Advice? Thanks in advance.
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On June 02 2013 01:44 Poffel wrote:Show nested quote +On June 01 2013 12:21 Killscreen wrote:
No, burden of proof is yours. I cant prove a negative.
You've got to be kidding. For instance, take the propositions "I have posted in the thread "Coffee Drinker's Thread". "I have not posted in the thread '[TV] HBO Game of Thrones'." Not only is there no difference in the confirmability of these statements, even the confirmation procedure is exactly the same: We go into the thread and look for a post by me. You can prove a negative.TL;DR: Don't parrot stuff without understanding what it means.
Debating semantics is not something Im interested in, particularly when not even remotely relevant to the topic, but fine, I'll bite; You can prove a negative in the sense that sometimes in specific circumstances you can.
However, you are as wrong as I was in the sense that you cant always prove a negative, absense of evidence is not evidence of absense, which makes the statement "you can prove a negative" as false as "you can't prove a negative".
Semantics...
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I've had a full beard for like 2 years, and I quite enjoy having it. It suits me I feel.
What does one do when the girl wants me to shave and pulls the "do it for me" card?
I don't wanna shave T_T
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Norway28779 Posts
you say but I like having a beard and I don't want to shave.
alternatively say that you will shave your beard if she shaves her head.
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On June 03 2013 22:11 TOCHMY wrote:
I've had a full beard for like 2 years, and I quite enjoy having it. It suits me I feel.
What does one do when the girl wants me to shave and pulls the "do it for me" card?
I don't wanna shave T_T
Is she doing it to
1) see how far she can push you, or
2) to make you more attractive to her.
If 1, don't do it, its a trap!
If 2 consider it. After all, if you refuse to shave then she might too, and I dont think you want that :D
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On June 03 2013 22:11 TOCHMY wrote:
I've had a full beard for like 2 years, and I quite enjoy having it. It suits me I feel.
What does one do when the girl wants me to shave and pulls the "do it for me" card?
I don't wanna shave T_T
Pull the "I'm more awesome than any other guy you have ever met, I need that beard to have something to not make every woman go insane about me"-card.
(You love it. Asking her to change her hair color or something similar would be just as weird. She fell in love with the package, it's offered "as is".)
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I have a full beard as well and at first I really thought this would make me look less appealing to girls. (this is nonsense though)
If she is not into it and you really like it you still could negotiate an agreement to have a beard but not full but just a mustache or something like that?
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On June 03 2013 22:30 gTank wrote:
I have a full beard as well and at first I really thought this would make me look less appealing to girls. (this is nonsense though)
If she is not into it and you really like it you still could negotiate an agreement to have a beard but not full but just a mustache or something like that?
"Look, babe, I really like you but that blonde hair has to go. Can you at least dye half of your hair brunette? I mean that's kind of an agreement right in the middle, right?"
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On June 03 2013 22:32 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On June 03 2013 22:30 gTank wrote:
I have a full beard as well and at first I really thought this would make me look less appealing to girls. (this is nonsense though)
If she is not into it and you really like it you still could negotiate an agreement to have a beard but not full but just a mustache or something like that? "Look, babe, I really like you but that blonde hair has to go. Can you at least dye half of your hair brunette? I mean that's kind of an agreement right in the middle, right?"
Dude you're right. I'll pull the "I'll shave of you dye your hair auburn cuz I really love auburn hair"
Also, fuck mustache.
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On June 03 2013 22:11 TOCHMY wrote:
I've had a full beard for like 2 years, and I quite enjoy having it. It suits me I feel.
What does one do when the girl wants me to shave and pulls the "do it for me" card?
I don't wanna shave T_T
hmm I have also been given the gift of beard, and dislike shaving. The Mrs, obviously, prefers when I dont stab her with the thousand needles protruding from my face. Thusly have we come to the agreement of me keeping it well trimmed and making sure that I especially keep the moustache trimmed above the lip line so when we kiss, it doesn't bother her. If I were you, I would shave it, once, and then just let it grow back, but keeping it under control at all times. Try to find a style that keeps your cheeks at least somewhat smooth. For example, I have about 2 centimeters around the jaw line and the perhaps two and half at the sideburns with a goatee and moustache, but dont let it climb all the way up to meld into one deformed mass. Compromise.
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EPT
