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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
May 26 2013 04:05 GMT
#3301
I wonder if it would've been different if you would've had those conversations in real life rather than by text. I'm from the old school so I try to prevent discussing anything serious over text...
giftdgecko
Profile Joined February 2011
United States2126 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-26 04:22:52
May 26 2013 04:18 GMT
#3302
*Alert to TL'rs*

Hurricane, a member of TL and player of many games for many a year, has recently come to the end of the rainbow and seen the pot of gold. Flyers will be made, stay tuned...
tuho12345
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
4482 Posts
May 26 2013 04:38 GMT
#3303
goddamn my crush was starting the conversation with me and I was about to tell some jokes and talk to her but my fucking asshole friend jump right in and ask her if she sell her phone number(she's cashier) What a fucker, now she's thinking differently about me now.
r.Evo
Profile Joined August 2006
Germany14081 Posts
May 26 2013 04:42 GMT
#3304
On May 26 2013 13:38 tuho12345 wrote:
goddamn my crush was starting the conversation with me and I was about to tell some jokes and talk to her but my fucking asshole friend jump right in and ask her if she sell her phone number(she's cashier) What a fucker, now she's thinking differently about me now.

If you have any kind of connection with her at that point rolling your eyes or something similar that basically says "Sorry, he's a dumbass, but he's still my buddy" with a smile afterwards is gold.
"We don't make mistakes here, we call it happy little accidents." ~Bob Ross
tuho12345
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
4482 Posts
May 26 2013 05:12 GMT
#3305
On May 26 2013 13:42 r.Evo wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 26 2013 13:38 tuho12345 wrote:
goddamn my crush was starting the conversation with me and I was about to tell some jokes and talk to her but my fucking asshole friend jump right in and ask her if she sell her phone number(she's cashier) What a fucker, now she's thinking differently about me now.

If you have any kind of connection with her at that point rolling your eyes or something similar that basically says "Sorry, he's a dumbass, but he's still my buddy" with a smile afterwards is gold.

well i fucked that up.
Mikau
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Netherlands1446 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-26 07:16:54
May 26 2013 07:09 GMT
#3306
On May 26 2013 08:28 Mikau wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 10 2013 19:38 Mikau wrote:
On May 10 2013 17:14 quetzy wrote:
I'm amazed at how sometimes people can be so blind to the little things ("Telling me how much she was looking forward to me being there, offering a place to sleep even though I live only 15 miles away" <-- seriously man, do you think she talks like that to everyone? )

Well, why not? When I invite people over for a party I usually tell them it'd be fun to have them be there, especially people I don't see on a more regular basis. I also offer places to sleep to pretty much everybody who isn't from the town I live in. In that vein I can easily see how it could be just a friendly gesture.
On May 10 2013 17:14 quetzy wrote:
Yes, girls are often confusing and hard to read, but dedicating you her time, with obvious excitement, is virtually a certain sign that she's interested in you. Now problem is some people take it too far assuming more than interest and whatnot and getting too hyped about it, setting themselves up for a crash when the girl realizes they're not what she's been looking for.
Anyway, interest is good. If you're interested in her too, by all means, spend time together and see where it leads. Most important thing is NOT to build up any expectations and not to think of it as being THE relationship. Just enjoy getting to know her and be open to see where it leads.

And when I say that, I mean also stop forcing the word 'date' or trying to put any labels on your relationship. Things like that are completely unnecessary and just add pressure.
You are two people wanting to know more about each other. That's it.
If both of you like what you find, you'll proceed to next stages naturally. Just drop the expectations and let things flow.

And good luck man

This I fully agree with. I even annoy myself in my habit of trying to overthink and overlabel everything. I think I know where this comes from however:
I'm bad at the dating thing. I don't feel comfortable and when I don't feel comfortable I have a habit of shutting down. In order to 'progress naturally' (in the case of a mutual wish to do so), somebody has to sort of take charge and do stuff (touching, kissing, that sort of thing). Usually that somebody is the man, no? I don't mind taking charge when I'm comfortable, in fact when we do stuff with friends I'm usually one of the people 'in charge'. When I'm uncomfortable however, I sort of shut down in that regard, as I said. I'm good with words usually, but I'm bad at showing affection physically. The labels help me define what's going on and where we are so to say.

Not an excuse obviously, because you're completely right in that I should just take this for what it is (having fun with somebody you're interested in) and just see how it goes. Just saying I understand why I tried to label it.

Thanks for the good advice at least. You managed to pretty much describe my entire reaction to this entire situation from just 2 lines I wrote.on an internet forum.

If anyone remembers me, this thing is finally happening tomorrow (our schedules were kinda fubar the last few weeks). Any tips for somebody who is really bad at making a date more than just like hanging out with a friend?

Or not... She sent me a text just now, telling me how she was looking forward to it "oh and should I ask my sister and his bf to come as well?". Fuuuuuuck.

I replied "I was hoping it'd just be the two of us", but seriously what the fuck? I have no idea what this even means.
r.Evo
Profile Joined August 2006
Germany14081 Posts
May 26 2013 07:22 GMT
#3307
Your reply sounds weak. Mhmmmhmm.... keep updates up, she might just try and figure out if you're trying to date her or just want to be buddies. I'm trying to think of a non-cocky response to such a text but I can't think of any because those assume you already conveyed interest. Be more aggressive/flirty, she apparently doesn't know what's up.
"We don't make mistakes here, we call it happy little accidents." ~Bob Ross
Mikau
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Netherlands1446 Posts
May 26 2013 07:29 GMT
#3308
I'm bad at being aggressive/flirty without coming across as douchey though.Even if my reply isn't ideal, or weak, at least it conveys interest in dating rather than being buddies, no?
r.Evo
Profile Joined August 2006
Germany14081 Posts
May 26 2013 07:33 GMT
#3309
Yes, it does. What I mean by weak is the "I was _hoping_ it'd be just the two of us" - that word implies that you're leaving it more up to her or fate than your own actions. I think it's tough to make a cool reply here though, that's why I said your intentions don't seem clear to her.

Sooner or later you'll have to flirt if you wanna bed her anyway. =P
"We don't make mistakes here, we call it happy little accidents." ~Bob Ross
arb
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Noobville17922 Posts
May 26 2013 07:42 GMT
#3310
On May 26 2013 16:09 Mikau wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 26 2013 08:28 Mikau wrote:
On May 10 2013 19:38 Mikau wrote:
On May 10 2013 17:14 quetzy wrote:
I'm amazed at how sometimes people can be so blind to the little things ("Telling me how much she was looking forward to me being there, offering a place to sleep even though I live only 15 miles away" <-- seriously man, do you think she talks like that to everyone? )

Well, why not? When I invite people over for a party I usually tell them it'd be fun to have them be there, especially people I don't see on a more regular basis. I also offer places to sleep to pretty much everybody who isn't from the town I live in. In that vein I can easily see how it could be just a friendly gesture.
On May 10 2013 17:14 quetzy wrote:
Yes, girls are often confusing and hard to read, but dedicating you her time, with obvious excitement, is virtually a certain sign that she's interested in you. Now problem is some people take it too far assuming more than interest and whatnot and getting too hyped about it, setting themselves up for a crash when the girl realizes they're not what she's been looking for.
Anyway, interest is good. If you're interested in her too, by all means, spend time together and see where it leads. Most important thing is NOT to build up any expectations and not to think of it as being THE relationship. Just enjoy getting to know her and be open to see where it leads.

And when I say that, I mean also stop forcing the word 'date' or trying to put any labels on your relationship. Things like that are completely unnecessary and just add pressure.
You are two people wanting to know more about each other. That's it.
If both of you like what you find, you'll proceed to next stages naturally. Just drop the expectations and let things flow.

And good luck man

This I fully agree with. I even annoy myself in my habit of trying to overthink and overlabel everything. I think I know where this comes from however:
I'm bad at the dating thing. I don't feel comfortable and when I don't feel comfortable I have a habit of shutting down. In order to 'progress naturally' (in the case of a mutual wish to do so), somebody has to sort of take charge and do stuff (touching, kissing, that sort of thing). Usually that somebody is the man, no? I don't mind taking charge when I'm comfortable, in fact when we do stuff with friends I'm usually one of the people 'in charge'. When I'm uncomfortable however, I sort of shut down in that regard, as I said. I'm good with words usually, but I'm bad at showing affection physically. The labels help me define what's going on and where we are so to say.

Not an excuse obviously, because you're completely right in that I should just take this for what it is (having fun with somebody you're interested in) and just see how it goes. Just saying I understand why I tried to label it.

Thanks for the good advice at least. You managed to pretty much describe my entire reaction to this entire situation from just 2 lines I wrote.on an internet forum.

If anyone remembers me, this thing is finally happening tomorrow (our schedules were kinda fubar the last few weeks). Any tips for somebody who is really bad at making a date more than just like hanging out with a friend?

Or not... She sent me a text just now, telling me how she was looking forward to it "oh and should I ask my sister and his bf to come as well?". Fuuuuuuck.

I replied "I was hoping it'd just be the two of us", but seriously what the fuck? I have no idea what this even means.

maybe she wants a double date to make sure its not awkward
should give it a try dawg
Artillery spawned from the forges of Hell
Mikau
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Netherlands1446 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-26 07:43:54
May 26 2013 07:43 GMT
#3311
On May 26 2013 16:33 r.Evo wrote:
Yes, it does. What I mean by weak is the "I was _hoping_ it'd be just the two of us" - that word implies that you're leaving it more up to her or fate than your own actions. I think it's tough to make a cool reply here though, that's why I said your intentions don't seem clear to her.

Sooner or later you'll have to flirt if you wanna bed her anyway. =P


Probably true (she's the kind of strong woman who goes for what she wants <3), but I'll probably be better off being flirty on dates rather than in texts leading up to them. I have too much bad experiences with only being open and candid and 'flirty' in texts only to get "friendzoned" to know that that's not the way to go

At the moment I'm just really curious to her reply. Was she testing my intentions, just completely oblivious to them or maybe she just got cold feet and would feel better about 'double dating'?
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
May 26 2013 08:20 GMT
#3312
On May 26 2013 16:43 Mikau wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 26 2013 16:33 r.Evo wrote:
Yes, it does. What I mean by weak is the "I was _hoping_ it'd be just the two of us" - that word implies that you're leaving it more up to her or fate than your own actions. I think it's tough to make a cool reply here though, that's why I said your intentions don't seem clear to her.

Sooner or later you'll have to flirt if you wanna bed her anyway. =P


Probably true (she's the kind of strong woman who goes for what she wants <3), but I'll probably be better off being flirty on dates rather than in texts leading up to them. I have too much bad experiences with only being open and candid and 'flirty' in texts only to get "friendzoned" to know that that's not the way to go

At the moment I'm just really curious to her reply. Was she testing my intentions, just completely oblivious to them or maybe she just got cold feet and would feel better about 'double dating'?

It's hard to gauge a person's feelings or thoughts based purely on text message and whatever. With these kind of 'does she like me?' Kind of situations I usually go with my gut, and my gut apparently understands women more to me cause he's usually right :D
arb
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Noobville17922 Posts
May 26 2013 08:37 GMT
#3313
On May 26 2013 17:20 B.I.G. wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 26 2013 16:43 Mikau wrote:
On May 26 2013 16:33 r.Evo wrote:
Yes, it does. What I mean by weak is the "I was _hoping_ it'd be just the two of us" - that word implies that you're leaving it more up to her or fate than your own actions. I think it's tough to make a cool reply here though, that's why I said your intentions don't seem clear to her.

Sooner or later you'll have to flirt if you wanna bed her anyway. =P


Probably true (she's the kind of strong woman who goes for what she wants <3), but I'll probably be better off being flirty on dates rather than in texts leading up to them. I have too much bad experiences with only being open and candid and 'flirty' in texts only to get "friendzoned" to know that that's not the way to go

At the moment I'm just really curious to her reply. Was she testing my intentions, just completely oblivious to them or maybe she just got cold feet and would feel better about 'double dating'?

It's hard to gauge a person's feelings or thoughts based purely on text message and whatever. With these kind of 'does she like me?' Kind of situations I usually go with my gut, and my gut apparently understands women more to me cause he's usually right :D

you can always just beat around the bush and figure it out
just gotta pick up hints and shit
Artillery spawned from the forges of Hell
Mikau
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Netherlands1446 Posts
May 26 2013 08:55 GMT
#3314
So, I got a response.

"Really? Ooooh"

Yeah so... fuck.
Ryder.
Profile Joined January 2011
1117 Posts
May 26 2013 09:13 GMT
#3315
On May 26 2013 03:22 aTnClouD wrote:
I decided for the last weeks to not have any sort of contact with women and give them zero attention because they piss me off too much. I find it disgusting how you have to do all the work and be at your top while they get away with having boobs, doing nothing and being in shape. Most of them think they are at your level while they have nothing to offer other than their body. Way to degrade a human being!

Anyway life without sex sucks too hard , so this will not work for long. I'm going to start again with the PUA stuff I practiced soon and make a fool out of myself and lie over and over just to get laid. I am still horrified at how you have to approach this as a game rather than sincerely trying to get along with other people like you would do with friends. It's so primitive, but that's what you have to do. It's like walking on a thread while you can get away with any kind of bullshit if you are a genuine, "exciting" asshole (which fortunately most people aren't). The fun thing is that whenever I express this point of view to women they are fascinated and always agree with me, but that doesn't change anything.

Take solace from the fact that a woman's value tends to sharply decline as she gets older (they lose a lot of their beauty) and a man's value tends to increase sharply as he gets older (as his wealth increases, and men tend to age better than women IMO at least). If you can stick it out till then you'll be fine.

Nothing interesting for me to say, been in a relationship for 3 years so no exciting pick up stories :p
PVJ
Profile Blog Joined July 2012
Hungary5221 Posts
May 26 2013 10:18 GMT
#3316
On May 26 2013 18:13 Ryder. wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 26 2013 03:22 aTnClouD wrote:
I decided for the last weeks to not have any sort of contact with women and give them zero attention because they piss me off too much. I find it disgusting how you have to do all the work and be at your top while they get away with having boobs, doing nothing and being in shape. Most of them think they are at your level while they have nothing to offer other than their body. Way to degrade a human being!

Anyway life without sex sucks too hard , so this will not work for long. I'm going to start again with the PUA stuff I practiced soon and make a fool out of myself and lie over and over just to get laid. I am still horrified at how you have to approach this as a game rather than sincerely trying to get along with other people like you would do with friends. It's so primitive, but that's what you have to do. It's like walking on a thread while you can get away with any kind of bullshit if you are a genuine, "exciting" asshole (which fortunately most people aren't). The fun thing is that whenever I express this point of view to women they are fascinated and always agree with me, but that doesn't change anything.

Take solace from the fact that a woman's value tends to sharply decline as she gets older (they lose a lot of their beauty) and a man's value tends to increase sharply as he gets older (as his wealth increases, and men tend to age better than women IMO at least). If you can stick it out till then you'll be fine.

Nothing interesting for me to say, been in a relationship for 3 years so no exciting pick up stories :p

Yeah, I'm so happy to be in a happy relationship for 2 years now. I hated every second of trying to pick up girls I was fond of, and I never even really cared about looks but more about personality and etc. I just find it so lame to make moves on girls that I always just ended up not doing anything. And all my gfs ever just evolved from having nice talks. Anyway, I hope I'm not fucking this one up because I don't wanna spend my time, in the future, making lame moves at random parties for a fuck. Good luck to everyone out there tho, there are a lot of great gentleman in this thread.
The heart's eternal vow
r.Evo
Profile Joined August 2006
Germany14081 Posts
May 26 2013 10:26 GMT
#3317
On May 26 2013 17:55 Mikau wrote:
So, I got a response.

"Really? Ooooh"

Yeah so... fuck.

"Stop blushing already, see you tomorrow =P"
"We don't make mistakes here, we call it happy little accidents." ~Bob Ross
r.Evo
Profile Joined August 2006
Germany14081 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-26 10:30:32
May 26 2013 10:29 GMT
#3318
On May 26 2013 17:37 arb wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 26 2013 17:20 B.I.G. wrote:
On May 26 2013 16:43 Mikau wrote:
On May 26 2013 16:33 r.Evo wrote:
Yes, it does. What I mean by weak is the "I was _hoping_ it'd be just the two of us" - that word implies that you're leaving it more up to her or fate than your own actions. I think it's tough to make a cool reply here though, that's why I said your intentions don't seem clear to her.

Sooner or later you'll have to flirt if you wanna bed her anyway. =P


Probably true (she's the kind of strong woman who goes for what she wants <3), but I'll probably be better off being flirty on dates rather than in texts leading up to them. I have too much bad experiences with only being open and candid and 'flirty' in texts only to get "friendzoned" to know that that's not the way to go

At the moment I'm just really curious to her reply. Was she testing my intentions, just completely oblivious to them or maybe she just got cold feet and would feel better about 'double dating'?

It's hard to gauge a person's feelings or thoughts based purely on text message and whatever. With these kind of 'does she like me?' Kind of situations I usually go with my gut, and my gut apparently understands women more to me cause he's usually right :D

you can always just beat around the bush and figure it out
just gotta pick up hints and shit

There's no need to. You just assume that everything she says or does is because she's into you until she clearly tells you otherwise. =P

e: Which is also why I hope I wasn't too late with the suggestion above. Worst thing a guy could do at that point is to be like "Oh, well, yeah I really like you and thought we could hang out and discover our feelings for each other!!!1" or something along those lines. ;;
"We don't make mistakes here, we call it happy little accidents." ~Bob Ross
Mikau
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Netherlands1446 Posts
May 26 2013 10:41 GMT
#3319
Thank god my first instinct wasn't to write something like that. I actually decided not to respond at all, give her time to adjust to the 'new' situation. I did follow your advice and sent her what you said though. I feel kinda dirty for having you have my conversation for me though .
r.Evo
Profile Joined August 2006
Germany14081 Posts
May 26 2013 10:51 GMT
#3320
Your mission tonight is to watch something like Indiana Jones and soak up an approach like that =P

I highly expect that she won't let you get away that easily, ideally she responds with something shit-testy from "I didn't say yes yet!" all the way to "Oh, someone suddenly is forward" etc., in those cases it's on and you can work from there - if she shoots you down instead among the lines of "Erhm... we need to talk I don't see you that way" I'd say it's best to simply move on.
"We don't make mistakes here, we call it happy little accidents." ~Bob Ross
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