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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On May 26 2013 02:24 FeUerFlieGe wrote:Show nested quote +On May 26 2013 02:20 Snotling wrote:On May 25 2013 23:48 Psychonian wrote:
Got friendzoned hard last night, by the girl I've been in love with for two years.
FML imo you friendzoned yourself by not telling her for two years^^. learn something from this for the next time. so it wasnt for nothing I agree with this. The friend zone isn't some unfortunate roll of the dice, it's you're fault. You're love must have not been that strong to wait 2 years to man up. Though the story you gave us was very simple. Perhaps more detail would enlighten us on the situation.
I don't agree here. I've waited ten months without telling a girl I liked her before, and still managed to go from friends to something more. Don't feel like you need to do something to get a girl to like you.
On the flip side, don't wait around for her and mope either. Go date other people while you still like her deep down inside.
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On May 25 2013 15:01 B.I.G. wrote:
To what extent do you guys feel one should indulge in a girl's bullshit? In this case the girl I'm dating suddenly acting all jealous of the fact I have female friends.. is the appropriate reaction something like suck it up or more along the lines of 'don't worry they're nothing but friends'? For the record she has male friends she hangs out with and I'm completely fine with it.
Edit: she's also on her period btw.
You shouldn't indulge it to any extent at all. If she complains about your female friends you should either ignore it, or just tease her about it. Ask her if she's jealous. Tell her you like to keep other girls around in case your relationship with her doesn't work out (but with a smile of course). It is actually amazing how much girls will melt when you handle their complaining this way.
Do not under any circumstances have a serious discussion about this because it doesn't deserve to be dignified that way.
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On May 26 2013 02:40 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On May 26 2013 02:24 FeUerFlieGe wrote:On May 26 2013 02:20 Snotling wrote:On May 25 2013 23:48 Psychonian wrote:
Got friendzoned hard last night, by the girl I've been in love with for two years.
FML imo you friendzoned yourself by not telling her for two years^^. learn something from this for the next time. so it wasnt for nothing I agree with this. The friend zone isn't some unfortunate roll of the dice, it's you're fault. You're love must have not been that strong to wait 2 years to man up. Though the story you gave us was very simple. Perhaps more detail would enlighten us on the situation. I don't agree here. I've waited ten months without telling a girl I liked her before, and still managed to go from friends to something more. Don't feel like you need to do something to get a girl to like you. On the flip side, don't wait around for her and mope either. Go date other people while you still like her deep down inside.
Yes, but you could have done it in much faster and if she wasn't interested then you wouldn't have spent that much time and emotional investment on nothing.
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On May 26 2013 02:40 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On May 26 2013 02:24 FeUerFlieGe wrote:On May 26 2013 02:20 Snotling wrote:On May 25 2013 23:48 Psychonian wrote:
Got friendzoned hard last night, by the girl I've been in love with for two years.
FML imo you friendzoned yourself by not telling her for two years^^. learn something from this for the next time. so it wasnt for nothing I agree with this. The friend zone isn't some unfortunate roll of the dice, it's you're fault. You're love must have not been that strong to wait 2 years to man up. Though the story you gave us was very simple. Perhaps more detail would enlighten us on the situation. I don't agree here. I've waited ten months without telling a girl I liked her before, and still managed to go from friends to something more. Don't feel like you need to do something to get a girl to like you. On the flip side, don't wait around for her and mope either. Go date other people while you still like her deep down inside.
You don't need to but generally some type of movement is better than no movement at all in a relationship.
What the guy above me said ^^
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I think what works is that you don't need to make grand gestures, but you need to actively remind her that you're interested. So flirt, do nice things that you wouldn't do for other people, and make sure she knows that you are doing that. I think you only really pull the "i love you" card when you've already paved the way with all the other little things, and that can take years even.
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On May 26 2013 02:40 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On May 26 2013 02:24 FeUerFlieGe wrote:On May 26 2013 02:20 Snotling wrote:On May 25 2013 23:48 Psychonian wrote:
Got friendzoned hard last night, by the girl I've been in love with for two years.
FML imo you friendzoned yourself by not telling her for two years^^. learn something from this for the next time. so it wasnt for nothing I agree with this. The friend zone isn't some unfortunate roll of the dice, it's you're fault. You're love must have not been that strong to wait 2 years to man up. Though the story you gave us was very simple. Perhaps more detail would enlighten us on the situation. I don't agree here. I've waited ten months without telling a girl I liked her before, and still managed to go from friends to something more. Don't feel like you need to do something to get a girl to like you. On the flip side, don't wait around for her and mope either. Go date other people while you still like her deep down inside.
Friendzone = "This guy is not material for a sexual relationship" ... having a "friendship" with a girl while still coming across as a sexual human being, ideally through things she witnesses, means you won't have to worry about getting "friendzoned". That's what she does with... well, guys she considers to be asexual for her purposes.
This portion is much bigger than time or the way your interaction actually plays out.
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I decided for the last weeks to not have any sort of contact with women and give them zero attention because they piss me off too much. I find it disgusting how you have to do all the work and be at your top while they get away with having boobs, doing nothing and being in shape. Most of them think they are at your level while they have nothing to offer other than their body. Way to degrade a human being!
Anyway life without sex sucks too hard  , so this will not work for long. I'm going to start again with the PUA stuff I practiced soon and make a fool out of myself and lie over and over just to get laid. I am still horrified at how you have to approach this as a game rather than sincerely trying to get along with other people like you would do with friends. It's so primitive, but that's what you have to do. It's like walking on a thread while you can get away with any kind of bullshit if you are a genuine, "exciting" asshole (which fortunately most people aren't). The fun thing is that whenever I express this point of view to women they are fascinated and always agree with me, but that doesn't change anything.
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You only need to play it as a "game" when you're not there yet in terms of your personality and your overall perspectives. That's not a bad thing in general, should just keep that in mind when it frustrates you somewhere in the back of your head. You should not not take bullshit from a woman because a book told you to, it should be your genuine reaction because you don't take random bullshit from anyone and someone you're attracted to is no exception. The same is true for pretty much anything you can do "right" or "wrong" when it comes to dating.
Self-confidence and a strong set of frames go a long way but they only slowly build themselves up by gathering positive experiences to certain things. In a nutshell it doesn't matter whether you use 5 hours of routines you learned by heart or your natural, honest reactions - as long as those "honest reactions" show that you're a strong, self-confident and sexual man (among all the other small things that only come from experience).
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On May 26 2013 05:02 r.Evo wrote:
You only need to play it as a "game" when you're not there yet in terms of your personality and your overall perspectives. That's not a bad thing in general, should just keep that in mind when it frustrates you somewhere in the back of your head. You should not not take bullshit from a woman because a book told you to, it should be your genuine reaction because you don't take random bullshit from anyone and someone you're attracted to is no exception. The same is true for pretty much anything you can do "right" or "wrong" when it comes to dating.
Self-confidence and a strong set of frames go a long way but they only slowly build themselves up by gathering positive experiences to certain things. In a nutshell it doesn't matter whether you use 5 hours of routines you learned by heart or your natural, honest reactions - as long as those "honest reactions" show that you're a strong, self-confident and sexual man (among all the other small things that only come from experience).
Other than confidence, something I have to some degree for relating with women and exceptionally in every other area of my life, what bothers me is that all that is expected from women today is to be physically attractive, and the more you are the less you need to show any kind of competence, intelligence or wisdom. Since I don't take shit like you said in the first place I should basically avoid almost every woman I meet in my life (since the ones I would like to fuck are uninteresting and as dumb as monkeys), which I was doing lately and it's not a good solution. Perhaps to some people going around manipulating stupid girls can be fun, but I think it's very boring. If I seek that kind of interaction I'd rather play with my dog.
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On May 26 2013 03:22 aTnClouD wrote:
I decided for the last weeks to not have any sort of contact with women and give them zero attention because they piss me off too much. I find it disgusting how you have to do all the work and be at your top while they get away with having boobs, doing nothing and being in shape. Most of them think they are at your level while they have nothing to offer other than their body. Way to degrade a human being!
That's just the way it is. The economics of supply and demand apply to sex just as much as finance; male demand for women is substantially higher than female demand for men, so the "price" for women is higher.
If you want women to offer more, than you either need to increase your own value and/or demand a fair price for your value.
On May 26 2013 03:22 aTnClouD wrote:Anyway life without sex sucks too hard , so this will not work for long. I'm going to start again with the PUA stuff I practiced soon and make a fool out of myself and lie over and over just to get laid. I am still horrified at how you have to approach this as a game rather than sincerely trying to get along with other people like you would do with friends. It's so primitive, but that's what you have to do. It's like walking on a thread while you can get away with any kind of bullshit if you are a genuine, "exciting" asshole (which fortunately most people aren't). The fun thing is that whenever I express this point of view to women they are fascinated and always agree with me, but that doesn't change anything.
The point is to develop yourself to become an attractive male, so that you don't have to merely pretend. "Fake it 'til you make it."
It's like how a newbie StarCraft player must follow cookie-cutter build orders and copy pros at first, but once they develop their skills they are free to make things up on the fly.
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That's just the way it is. The economics of supply and demand apply to sex just as much as finance; male demand for women is substantially higher than female demand for men, so the "price" for women is higher.
If you want women to offer more, than you either need to increase your own value and/or demand a fair price for your value.
That sounds really weird. Apart from that, there are more mildly success women than men. The supply should decrease the overall value. Well, there are in America, where women are actually more likely to do well in college than men at average education levels.
I don't know about the "all that's expected of women is to be physically attractive" part either. I think that is the supply and demand reality that you're looking at. There is a lot more demand for an average looking guy with average social skills with a successful career than there is for an average looking woman with average social skills with a successful career. The supply for females with successful careers might even be higher (I'm talking about being able to afford a decent car and pay for a home by yourself, not be a CEO).
I'm pretty sure the women with exceptional qualities are out there, there just aren't many in bars where the only criterion people approach them for are their looks.
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Hypothetically, what do you do when you're new in a city, half a million meters from everyone you know, if you're introverted anyway and want to find a girl? In theory, consider that - hypothetically - you'd be ugly and poor (student barely able to pay for rent and groceries) as well.
Any chance for redemption or just give up and get fat?
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On May 26 2013 02:42 ziggurat wrote:Show nested quote +On May 25 2013 15:01 B.I.G. wrote:
To what extent do you guys feel one should indulge in a girl's bullshit? In this case the girl I'm dating suddenly acting all jealous of the fact I have female friends.. is the appropriate reaction something like suck it up or more along the lines of 'don't worry they're nothing but friends'? For the record she has male friends she hangs out with and I'm completely fine with it.
Edit: she's also on her period btw. You shouldn't indulge it to any extent at all. If she complains about your female friends you should either ignore it, or just tease her about it. Ask her if she's jealous. Tell her you like to keep other girls around in case your relationship with her doesn't work out (but with a smile of course). It is actually amazing how much girls will melt when you handle their complaining this way. Do not under any circumstances have a serious discussion about this because it doesn't deserve to be dignified that way.
I see your point because I just had that lesson in my class that everyone should have the same chance to be understood. What the girl is doing is being unfair because she's just like the guy with female friends except in this case it's male friends. It's good to be in a relationship with someone you care about but no one should be distancing themselves away from their friends because of their relationship.
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On May 26 2013 07:00 Meow-Meow wrote:
Hypothetically, what do you do when you're new in a city, half a million meters from everyone you know, if you're introverted anyway and want to find a girl? In theory, consider that - hypothetically - you'd be ugly and poor (student barely able to pay for rent and groceries) as well.
Any chance for redemption or just give up and get fat?
Get a decent job working for a prof
Set aside an hour each day to run
Pick up a hobby which sets you up with a lot of girls easy, like a painting class or a writers' workshop
Go out with them on group activities, and hit on their friends - not them, since you want to get them intrigued and jealous
Pretend you're busy every evening, but then magically open up a spot for that special someone
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On May 26 2013 03:22 aTnClouD wrote:I decided for the last weeks to not have any sort of contact with women and give them zero attention because they piss me off too much. I find it disgusting how you have to do all the work and be at your top while they get away with having boobs, doing nothing and being in shape. Most of them think they are at your level while they have nothing to offer other than their body. Way to degrade a human being! Anyway life without sex sucks too hard , so this will not work for long. I'm going to start again with the PUA stuff I practiced soon and make a fool out of myself and lie over and over just to get laid. I am still horrified at how you have to approach this as a game rather than sincerely trying to get along with other people like you would do with friends. It's so primitive, but that's what you have to do. It's like walking on a thread while you can get away with any kind of bullshit if you are a genuine, "exciting" asshole (which fortunately most people aren't). The fun thing is that whenever I express this point of view to women they are fascinated and always agree with me, but that doesn't change anything.
Getting along with girls like you would do with friends is possible. You don't have to approach it as a game at all.
2 days ago I talked to a girl on a shooting for 10 mins. We got along very easily, like when you make a new friend. She left with friends and I was supposed to meet them after in a bar. I never found them and decided to go home. The day after, she sent me a text message telling me she found my number on a sheet at work and she apologised for not being at the bar but in another one on the same street. I said "no problem, we should definitely see us again" ("us" being her and her friends, she said to me later that she got mad when she read it  . I texted her the day after and she was out near by so I went into the club, saw her, kissed her right away, got kicked out of the club because I sneaked in illegaly (I didnt had enough money). Waited for 20 mins outside because I had no money and had to wait for the subway. She went out with a fermale friend and 2 guys. She was surprised, she said "i'm going home with you" out loud and dumped the guy that was trying to hit on her since weeks.
Tadam. I did nothing but be myself. I was funny at the right time, serious on others and I didnt planned anything.
The day after, when we were chilling in the bed, she said to me she liked the way I was : mature, serious, laughable, easy going and that I wasnt trying too hard to seduce girls but was just myself.
I think thats going to be my leitmotiv.
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On May 10 2013 19:38 Mikau wrote:Show nested quote +On May 10 2013 17:14 quetzy wrote:I'm amazed at how sometimes people can be so blind to the little things  ( "Telling me how much she was looking forward to me being there, offering a place to sleep even though I live only 15 miles away" <-- seriously man, do you think she talks like that to everyone? ) Well, why not? When I invite people over for a party I usually tell them it'd be fun to have them be there, especially people I don't see on a more regular basis. I also offer places to sleep to pretty much everybody who isn't from the town I live in. In that vein I can easily see how it could be just a friendly gesture. Show nested quote +On May 10 2013 17:14 quetzy wrote:Yes, girls are often confusing and hard to read, but dedicating you her time, with obvious excitement, is virtually a certain sign that she's interested in you. Now problem is some people take it too far assuming more than interest and whatnot and getting too hyped about it, setting themselves up for a crash when the girl realizes they're not what she's been looking for. Anyway, interest is good. If you're interested in her too, by all means, spend time together and see where it leads. Most important thing is NOT to build up any expectations and not to think of it as being THE relationship. Just enjoy getting to know her and be open to see where it leads. And when I say that, I mean also stop forcing the word 'date' or trying to put any labels on your relationship. Things like that are completely unnecessary and just add pressure. You are two people wanting to know more about each other. That's it. If both of you like what you find, you'll proceed to next stages naturally. Just drop the expectations and let things flow. And good luck man This I fully agree with. I even annoy myself in my habit of trying to overthink and overlabel everything. I think I know where this comes from however: I'm bad at the dating thing. I don't feel comfortable and when I don't feel comfortable I have a habit of shutting down. In order to 'progress naturally' (in the case of a mutual wish to do so), somebody has to sort of take charge and do stuff (touching, kissing, that sort of thing). Usually that somebody is the man, no? I don't mind taking charge when I'm comfortable, in fact when we do stuff with friends I'm usually one of the people 'in charge'. When I'm uncomfortable however, I sort of shut down in that regard, as I said. I'm good with words usually, but I'm bad at showing affection physically. The labels help me define what's going on and where we are so to say. Not an excuse obviously, because you're completely right in that I should just take this for what it is (having fun with somebody you're interested in) and just see how it goes. Just saying I understand why I tried to label it. Thanks for the good advice at least. You managed to pretty much describe my entire reaction to this entire situation from just 2 lines I wrote.on an internet forum.
If anyone remembers me, this thing is finally happening tomorrow (our schedules were kinda fubar the last few weeks). Any tips for somebody who is really bad at making a date more than just like hanging out with a friend?
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On May 25 2013 23:42 levelping wrote:
My good manly gentlemen,
I need a second (or third) opinion of my current situation.
I met this girl at work. As a bit of background, both of us have quite adverse views to dating in the work place, so when we initially met it was as colleagues and eventually friends. That said, there's always been great chemistry between us, and we flirt to a silly extent all the time. Perhaps in the back of my mind I always thought about dating him sometime, so I've been quite careful not to become "that really friendly" guy.
Anyway, I know that she wants to be asked "to be dated" in a nice old fashioned way, and I have some ideas how to go about that (I am thinking of cooking, which is a big deal in Singapore since no one cooks).
The one sort of spanner in the works is that I recently discovered that she tried seeing another guy recently. It wasn't much (4 dates), and it didn't work out in the end. So this really raises two things:
(1) Am I correct about my read on her that she likes me? (well this is the easy question, and can be resolved by asking)
(2) How long should I wait before coming in, seeing that she just stopped seeing another person (however brief and inconsequential that was)?
So how long has this process been going on? If it has been for too long then maybe she thinks it isn't going anywhere and hence dates other guy(s).
(1) Hard to tell from what you said. Flirting is good I suppose but if it's done too much and too openly it could be more in a jokingly fashion.
(2) Fuck that other guy go for it now. It wasn't serious so no mourning period. Game don't wait so go for it.
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Ick. Started talking to this girl I had admired for awhile but wasn't too into when she texted me to ask if my friends and I would sit with her clique for lunch period. I thought she was trying to hook me up with one of her friends who had been off-and-on crushing on me. But no, turns out she was a little upset because she had some problems at home and apparently liked me alot based on my reputation for being intelligent (College math and science, I'm in 9th grade). Keep in mind I didn't really know her that well. Anyways she is amazing at violin and pretty although maybe not "hot" in the traditional sense. So I had figured out pretty fast she was really into me, because our text length patterns went something like this:
She: 3 paragraphs
Me: Cool!
She: 5 paragraphs
Me: Maybe we should hang out sometime-I'd like to talk more in person.
She: Waits 45 minutes, then 20 paragraphs
We had one night where she pulled her first all-nighter staying up with me texting and I wrote her 42 haikus, which she got the significance of because she is cool and read the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy. Turns out her friend was sleeping over with her and reading all of my texts, but whatever. More jealousy, because those were good haikus.
Anyways we had a lot of serious discussions about religion and politics and science and general humanity and I was really starting to get into it and connect with her, when she just stopped talking to me for a week. Like just stopped. I couldn't ever get near her at school, she was like in a bubble. Usually I'm pretty chill, nice and confident and w.e. But i was having a little breakdown here I became neurotic and ended up texting her friend to ask what was going on, and friend said that the girl had some problems at home and was really stressed. We had a band concert and she gave an amazing performance, and then texted me to say we should just be friends. Which could really be taken three ways in this kind of situation. "I think you are a dick and I'm gone, but you are too fragile to be broken up with". or "I actually think you are really interesting, and I hope sincerely we can be friend and I can cry on you while i fix my life" or "This is a semi-last ditch effort to get you to profess your love for me" I don't know. I sent her a long romantic email that had a transcript of a text conversation where she helped me get through flute audition stress, and it was a great email. No brag or anything, this was beautiful. It took me 4 or 5 fucking hours and I got every single part right, and even wrote a poem in iambic pentameter that MADE SENSE! But she responded tersely with something along the lines of: "That was lovely and you are a great person and I want to be best friends. " Alas, I havn't talked to her since. She seems distant. I still sort of like her, because all the other girls that I know are more shallow or into 1D and Bieber and shit. I really had it with her-and she's out of my life with no closure. Summer just started two days ago, and my other close friend who is a girl who is this really cute asian chick who is amazingly chill and nice is moving to michigan where I will never see her again, and I'm not washing my hoodie because she cried into it when we hugged goodbye.(Pathetic, but I'm one of those people that is super into romantic drama and gestures) Good thing I'm young, maybe I'll meet someone new.
tl;dr Unsure about girl, really into her because she is smart and very skilled and pretty, and then she just leaves. No closure-and my other good female friend moved. Summer started and this girl who's taking geometry wants me to tutor her. Took it 2 years ago and I was not the most dedicated 7th grader, so I'd have to study a bit to get that going. Too young to be complaining.
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On May 26 2013 12:18 Sushies wrote:Ick. Started talking to this girl I had admired for awhile but wasn't too into when she texted me to ask if my friends and I would sit with her clique for lunch period. I thought she was trying to hook me up with one of her friends who had been off-and-on crushing on me. But no, turns out she was a little upset because she had some problems at home and apparently liked me alot based on my reputation for being intelligent (College math and science, I'm in 9th grade). Keep in mind I didn't really know her that well. Anyways she is amazing at violin and pretty although maybe not "hot" in the traditional sense. So I had figured out pretty fast she was really into me, because our text length patterns went something like this: She: 3 paragraphs Me: Cool! She: 5 paragraphs Me: Maybe we should hang out sometime-I'd like to talk more in person. She: Waits 45 minutes, then 20 paragraphs We had one night where she pulled her first all-nighter staying up with me texting and I wrote her 42 haikus, which she got the significance of because she is cool and read the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy. Turns out her friend was sleeping over with her and reading all of my texts, but whatever. More jealousy, because those were good haikus. Anyways we had a lot of serious discussions about religion and politics and science and general humanity and I was really starting to get into it and connect with her, when she just stopped talking to me for a week. Like just stopped. I couldn't ever get near her at school, she was like in a bubble. Usually I'm pretty chill, nice and confident and w.e. But i was having a little breakdown here I became neurotic and ended up texting her friend to ask what was going on, and friend said that the girl had some problems at home and was really stressed. We had a band concert and she gave an amazing performance, and then texted me to say we should just be friends. Which could really be taken three ways in this kind of situation. "I think you are a dick and I'm gone, but you are too fragile to be broken up with". or "I actually think you are really interesting, and I hope sincerely we can be friend and I can cry on you while i fix my life" or "This is a semi-last ditch effort to get you to profess your love for me" I don't know. I sent her a long romantic email that had a transcript of a text conversation where she helped me get through flute audition stress, and it was a great email. No brag or anything, this was beautiful. It took me 4 or 5 fucking hours and I got every single part right, and even wrote a poem in iambic pentameter that MADE SENSE! But she responded tersely with something along the lines of: "That was lovely and you are a great person and I want to be best friends. " Alas, I havn't talked to her since. She seems distant. I still sort of like her, because all the other girls that I know are more shallow or into 1D and Bieber and shit. I really had it with her-and she's out of my life with no closure. Summer just started two days ago, and my other close friend who is a girl who is this really cute asian chick who is amazingly chill and nice is moving to michigan where I will never see her again, and I'm not washing my hoodie because she cried into it when we hugged goodbye.(Pathetic, but I'm one of those people that is super into romantic drama and gestures) Good thing I'm young, maybe I'll meet someone new. tl;dr Unsure about girl, really into her because she is smart and very skilled and pretty, and then she just leaves. No closure-and my other good female friend moved. Summer started and this girl who's taking geometry wants me to tutor her. Took it 2 years ago and I was not the most dedicated 7th grader, so I'd have to study a bit to get that going. Too young to be complaining.
If she is having problems maybe she doesn´t want a relationship with anyone because she feels depressed or w/e, why not just be friendly with her? if you like her you can be friends, she will eventually sort her problems out and then you can make your move..
She doesnt need a boyfriend if she is sad, she needs a friend, if your life sucks with no bf/gf, having one won´t make it better, ofc boyfriends can be friends but your actions don´t seem to indicate you want her friendship that much.
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On May 26 2013 12:39 xicoo wrote:Show nested quote +On May 26 2013 12:18 Sushies wrote:Ick. Started talking to this girl I had admired for awhile but wasn't too into when she texted me to ask if my friends and I would sit with her clique for lunch period. I thought she was trying to hook me up with one of her friends who had been off-and-on crushing on me. But no, turns out she was a little upset because she had some problems at home and apparently liked me alot based on my reputation for being intelligent (College math and science, I'm in 9th grade). Keep in mind I didn't really know her that well. Anyways she is amazing at violin and pretty although maybe not "hot" in the traditional sense. So I had figured out pretty fast she was really into me, because our text length patterns went something like this: She: 3 paragraphs Me: Cool! She: 5 paragraphs Me: Maybe we should hang out sometime-I'd like to talk more in person. She: Waits 45 minutes, then 20 paragraphs We had one night where she pulled her first all-nighter staying up with me texting and I wrote her 42 haikus, which she got the significance of because she is cool and read the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy. Turns out her friend was sleeping over with her and reading all of my texts, but whatever. More jealousy, because those were good haikus. Anyways we had a lot of serious discussions about religion and politics and science and general humanity and I was really starting to get into it and connect with her, when she just stopped talking to me for a week. Like just stopped. I couldn't ever get near her at school, she was like in a bubble. Usually I'm pretty chill, nice and confident and w.e. But i was having a little breakdown here I became neurotic and ended up texting her friend to ask what was going on, and friend said that the girl had some problems at home and was really stressed. We had a band concert and she gave an amazing performance, and then texted me to say we should just be friends. Which could really be taken three ways in this kind of situation. "I think you are a dick and I'm gone, but you are too fragile to be broken up with". or "I actually think you are really interesting, and I hope sincerely we can be friend and I can cry on you while i fix my life" or "This is a semi-last ditch effort to get you to profess your love for me" I don't know. I sent her a long romantic email that had a transcript of a text conversation where she helped me get through flute audition stress, and it was a great email. No brag or anything, this was beautiful. It took me 4 or 5 fucking hours and I got every single part right, and even wrote a poem in iambic pentameter that MADE SENSE! But she responded tersely with something along the lines of: "That was lovely and you are a great person and I want to be best friends. " Alas, I havn't talked to her since. She seems distant. I still sort of like her, because all the other girls that I know are more shallow or into 1D and Bieber and shit. I really had it with her-and she's out of my life with no closure. Summer just started two days ago, and my other close friend who is a girl who is this really cute asian chick who is amazingly chill and nice is moving to michigan where I will never see her again, and I'm not washing my hoodie because she cried into it when we hugged goodbye.(Pathetic, but I'm one of those people that is super into romantic drama and gestures) Good thing I'm young, maybe I'll meet someone new. tl;dr Unsure about girl, really into her because she is smart and very skilled and pretty, and then she just leaves. No closure-and my other good female friend moved. Summer started and this girl who's taking geometry wants me to tutor her. Took it 2 years ago and I was not the most dedicated 7th grader, so I'd have to study a bit to get that going. Too young to be complaining. If she is having problems maybe she doesn´t want a relationship with anyone because she feels depressed or w/e, why not just be friendly with her? if you like her you can be friends, she will eventually sort her problems out and then you can make your move.. She doesnt need a boyfriend if she is sad, she needs a friend, if your life sucks with no bf/gf, having one won´t make it better, ofc boyfriends can be friends but your actions don´t seem to indicate you want her friendship that much.
Well, I see what you are saying. You may not have experienced it- because in my limited experience this happens to me but i have no idea if it happens to others- but sometimes girls can just be totally unapproachable (not because they are intimidating) but because they don't act like they want to talk to anyone. It's possible she is waiting for me to really put myself out there and talk to her about it in front of her constantly orbiting friends, but I get the feeling she does not want my friendship. I've told her many times that if she needs anything I'm here-and i know people toss that around frequently, but we have had many conversations about sayings like that and "are you okay" and such, so she really gets that I would take care of her if she wanted. I am more concerned for her and hope she gets through this ok than my romantic state with this particular girl. Her father is an alcoholic/very depressed and her mother has nervous meltdowns and such. Her violin really carries her and the family does not have the money to keep paying for lessons, so she is really in a fucked up state. I don't want to see her into drugs and shit because she has so much potential, personal feelings aside.
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EPT
