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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
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4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On May 09 2013 23:23 levelping wrote:
3) Finally, "it's all biology!" only makes sense if you think human beings are purely biological creatures. In which case, as primates it would be totally fine to pee in public, not bathe, fling poop at people at so on. We may also kill our children (or other people's children), rape women as we please and so on. But we are not that of course, be cause human beings are more than our biology. The notion of "the prerogative to procreate being so strong it overwhelms rationality" is a terrible excuse, since most of us keep that need to procreate in our pants most of the time. I think it is disingenuous to cast as the default the errant behaviour of a few people with poor self control (as your previous post seems to suggest).
Which is why I also mentioned he has poor judgement and tends not to think things through, especially when drunk. The factors work in tandem. Cheating is a combination of variables, just labeling it as being immature or irresponsible is a simplistic, populist thing to do.
But sure, our society is based on our ability to control our baser natures, it's just that some people are better at it than others.
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On May 09 2013 23:30 McBengt wrote:Show nested quote +On May 09 2013 23:23 levelping wrote:
3) Finally, "it's all biology!" only makes sense if you think human beings are purely biological creatures. In which case, as primates it would be totally fine to pee in public, not bathe, fling poop at people at so on. We may also kill our children (or other people's children), rape women as we please and so on. But we are not that of course, be cause human beings are more than our biology. The notion of "the prerogative to procreate being so strong it overwhelms rationality" is a terrible excuse, since most of us keep that need to procreate in our pants most of the time. I think it is disingenuous to cast as the default the errant behaviour of a few people with poor self control (as your previous post seems to suggest).
Which is why I also mentioned he has poor judgement and tends not to think things through, especially when drunk. The factors work in tandem. Cheating is a combination of variables, just labeling it as being immature or irresponsible is a simplistic, populist thing to do. But sure, our society is based on our ability to control our baser natures, it's just that some people are better at it than others.
I'd say cheating is a matter of making an immoral choice which could be the result of immaturity/irresponsibility but also other factors. Being drunk may mitigate the severity of the offense, but it doesn't excuse it.
Also, the theory that primitive human beings were exceedingly promiscuous/polyamorous has been discredited.
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On May 09 2013 23:25 freewareplayer wrote:
Personally i didnt cheat yet, but i dont act like people who do are all immature and whatnot. Dont judge so much.
Sex is an impulse, getting a boner if something is really hot, is not really a choice. Being commited to one person is a choice.
Now if someone is completly faithfull and can resist all temptations while in a relationship, kudos and respect for that, i value loyalty much myself.
BUT, i really dont like this moral apostel crap if people havent resisted themself. All the people saying " I have never cheated, and i WILL NEVER cheat bla bla", i maybe believe 5 % of those people.
Not cheating isnt an accomplishment if there wasnt any temptation to begin with. Lets say your out with your dudes, on a private party, you drank like a truck for whatever reason, you arent there for chicks. But along comes this 11/10 point chick who will try to nonstop get you horny. With whatever excuse she gets you upstairs or what and just undresses and jumps you, while your rly drunk and she is hot hot hot as fuck and would basicly have to get thrown off by you.
If you resist that, you can talk all day about how you will never cheat ever.
If you didnt resist fuckall temptations, dont talk about what you would or would not do. Cause chances are you dont know. Humans are really awesome at convincing themselfes with whatever they want.
How do you know what you will do, till you have done it?
Personally, i really wouldnt know what i would do. I would like to think im strong enough to say no, but im still just a horny animal at some point.
So till either happened, some people shouldnt act like they ate modern relationship values, with some moral judgement for breakfast.
edit: rofl at this dude who first makes it seem like its the easiest thing to control sexual impulses, and everyone who doesnt is a douche. Then he implies he would beat someone up who angers him, an even worse impulse he would give into hahahahahaha. You just made urself look like the nr. 1 douche here. gotta love Hypocrites
I think most men couldn't even resist the chick when they're sober.
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On May 09 2013 22:34 Ryder. wrote:Show nested quote +On May 09 2013 17:01 kaluro wrote:On May 09 2013 16:18 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:On May 09 2013 14:34 Zooper31 wrote:On May 09 2013 13:41 arb wrote:On May 09 2013 12:34 Zooper31 wrote:On May 09 2013 12:04 B.I.G. wrote:
You stayed at her place a few days? Man i wouldn't be a happy boyfriend if I would find out about that... That'd be enough for me to break up if I had a gf. Her cuddling with another guy period, let alone, alone at her place without my knowledge. I do feel kinda douchey about it, but idk. she said she didnt consider it cheating, and i told myself i wouldnt do anything else since she was dating someone. Like I know it was a REALLLLLLLL asshole thing to do, but it takes two to tango, and its not like i forced the point or tried anything else. dunno, shes all about trying to keep it secretive and shit so idk wtf. It's cheating regardless of how she feels about it. And yes it is a douchey thing to do, two wrong's don't make a right. You can try to make w/e logical explanation about it you want but you know what you're doing. You're making a girl cheat on her bf and you're as low as they come atm. I'd be ashamed and I've never ever do such a thing if I actually wanted to think highly of myself. A boyfriend is not a husband. If one likes a girl he should try to go for it even if she has a boyfriend. It can only have a positive ending: 1. She breaks up with her current boyfriend for you: they were not meant to be together. 2. She repells you and stays with her boyfriend: it strengthen their couple. There is nothing douchey about any of it as long as nobody is actually forced to do anything. What's douchey is trying to hide or not assuming it. If you would try to hook up with my girlfriend, there would be a very bad ending for you  . If you're willing to go for an already taken girl, you have no self respect and are the worst kind of trash there is. If you'd try anything on my girlfriend I would first kindly ask you to step away but if you would keep interfering I wouldn't mind taking it to a whole other level, people like you are horrible disrespectful persons with no dignity and don't deserve any respect whatsoever. Trying to break an established relationship for self gain is cool and all, but at the same point you shouldn't start whining when the consequences show themselves around the corner and you're sitting at home with either a black eye or being on a bad stance with someone. Taking responsibility and not whining is part of what you'd be doing. Also I'd trust my girlfriend to blow you off immediately and inform me if you would keep harassing her, at which the ending wouldn't look any prettier. It's really easy to be an E-hero online and say the stuff you just did, but on the same note i bet you'd be this tiny skinny guy in real life who wouldn't even know what to say the moment he got approached aggressively because of the actions he'd never even be daring to take. Also if your girl is gonna do anything with another guy then she ain't 'your girl', and if she wouldn't do anything with another guy what have you got to worry about? No need to go flexing your guns to show off what a man you are. Edit: also hope you see the irony of the whole 'e-hero' thing you speak of. Call me crazy, but IMO hooking up with a consenting girl who has a bf doesn't make you a worse person than this bullshit, thuggery 'you hit on my girl and ill bash you bro' bullshit you are spouting. Assault is just a game to you is it? Put a guy in a coma cause you king hit him is all good, but god forbid a guy hook up with a willing girl who happens to be in a relationship...it makes me sad that guys so full of pride like you exist.
If you would have had proper reading comprehension, you would've been able to read that there would only be a super slight chance of that happening, physical assault that is. I would approach the guy and have a really good chat with him. If that guy would keep interfering and continuing and not listening and specifically harassing me and the girlfriend, other actions would be taken yes.
You can read specifically that I would never resort to that, unless he harasses us and the girl is not up for it and he won't quit. At which it would simply have been self defense.
Being nice, then being less nice and less nice, while remaining in a non physical stance - is allowed. There is nothing wrong with that.
But of course you had to blow it out of proportions in such extreme sense that it would appear as if I'd actively beat people into comas for saying hi to my girlfriend :').
On May 09 2013 22:52 McBengt wrote:Show nested quote +On May 09 2013 19:32 Wombat_NI wrote:
Some people don't have that urge, for whatever reasons they may have for that. I don't really associate settling down with maturity as such, although there will be some crossover. One of the many reasons you are my favorite person on this website. It's such a silly and arbitrary barometer for what constitutes a full life. Show nested quote +
Alpha mature people are adult people that value the above things, among other things. They are responsible for their own actions and for their partner and don't come up with weirdo excuses.
Thank god you can easily differentiate between alphas and betas.
Now, since you're most obviously just trolling I am going to leave it at this, enjoy your school - bro.
I am still curious about your age, seeing how you're not having the urge to settle with one person yet.
Good to know that you have figured out how the world and the people in it work, I was worried there for a second. It's extra cool that you provided a completely arbitrary criteria for alpha and beta people, very helpful. Of course you can't be a real adult or an alpha person without a significant other, what was I thinking. And of course, the ever green classic; trolling = won't agree with me. You may want to look around, read some books, meet some people who aren't like you before you spout more condescending, judgemental nonsense, just a tip.
Still trollnig, you beta weakling? and I asked you a question: How old are you? In what stage of life are you? Just like i elaborated on what the values of a relationship are, just for you, you can answer my wondering question.
Good to see how you entirely ignored that part of the post, too. Especially after specifically asking about it. How is that not trolling? The same way as you going super ad hominem isn't?
People who fall pray to your faulty excuses for cheating are betas, it's easy as that. They have no self control and will never be proper long-term dating material until they get a grip.
On May 09 2013 23:25 freewareplayer wrote:
Personally i didnt cheat yet, but i dont act like people who do are all immature and whatnot. Dont judge so much.
Sex is an impulse, getting a boner if something is really hot, is not really a choice. Being commited to one person is a choice.
Now if someone is completly faithfull and can resist all temptations while in a relationship, kudos and respect for that, i value loyalty much myself.
BUT, i really dont like this moral apostel crap if people havent resisted themself. All the people saying " I have never cheated, and i WILL NEVER cheat bla bla", i maybe believe 5 % of those people.
Not cheating isnt an accomplishment if there wasnt any temptation to begin with. Lets say your out with your dudes, on a private party, you drank like a truck for whatever reason, you arent there for chicks. But along comes this 11/10 point chick who will try to nonstop get you horny. With whatever excuse she gets you upstairs or what and just undresses and jumps you, while your rly drunk and she is hot hot hot as fuck and would basicly have to get thrown off by you.
If you resist that, you can talk all day about how you will never cheat ever.
If you didnt resist fuckall temptations, dont talk about what you would or would not do. Cause chances are you dont know. Humans are really awesome at convincing themselfes with whatever they want.
How do you know what you will do, till you have done it?
Personally, i really wouldnt know what i would do. I would like to think im strong enough to say no, but im still just a horny animal at some point.
So till either happened, some people shouldnt act like they ate modern relationship values, with some moral judgement for breakfast.
You don't know me, you don't know what temptations I did and did not resist.
Yet here you are talking like you have been my best friend over the past 25 years.
As I said before, if you are unable to control your impulses while drunk - Drink less, don't drink at all, or break up with your girlfriend.
I value my relationship(s) too much to completely ruin it with a one night stand, doesn't matter who is trying to tempt me or what kind of drugs I would have taken.
May I know your age as well, out of curiousity 
On May 09 2013 23:25 freewareplayer wrote:
edit: rofl at this dude who first makes it seem like its the easiest thing to control sexual impulses, and everyone who doesnt is a douche. Then he implies he would beat someone up who angers him, an even worse impulse he would give into hahahahahaha. You just made urself look like the nr. 1 douche here. gotta love Hypocrites
I never said I would hit anyone during and anger impulse. It was a general example of a spontaneous impulse without any personal relation.
You too, should stop taking things out of context and putting them down as lies. Have you ever considered becoming a journalist?
On May 10 2013 00:47 RvB wrote:Show nested quote +On May 09 2013 23:25 freewareplayer wrote:
Personally i didnt cheat yet, but i dont act like people who do are all immature and whatnot. Dont judge so much.
Sex is an impulse, getting a boner if something is really hot, is not really a choice. Being commited to one person is a choice.
Now if someone is completly faithfull and can resist all temptations while in a relationship, kudos and respect for that, i value loyalty much myself.
BUT, i really dont like this moral apostel crap if people havent resisted themself. All the people saying " I have never cheated, and i WILL NEVER cheat bla bla", i maybe believe 5 % of those people.
Not cheating isnt an accomplishment if there wasnt any temptation to begin with. Lets say your out with your dudes, on a private party, you drank like a truck for whatever reason, you arent there for chicks. But along comes this 11/10 point chick who will try to nonstop get you horny. With whatever excuse she gets you upstairs or what and just undresses and jumps you, while your rly drunk and she is hot hot hot as fuck and would basicly have to get thrown off by you.
If you resist that, you can talk all day about how you will never cheat ever.
If you didnt resist fuckall temptations, dont talk about what you would or would not do. Cause chances are you dont know. Humans are really awesome at convincing themselfes with whatever they want.
How do you know what you will do, till you have done it?
Personally, i really wouldnt know what i would do. I would like to think im strong enough to say no, but im still just a horny animal at some point.
So till either happened, some people shouldnt act like they ate modern relationship values, with some moral judgement for breakfast.
edit: rofl at this dude who first makes it seem like its the easiest thing to control sexual impulses, and everyone who doesnt is a douche. Then he implies he would beat someone up who angers him, an even worse impulse he would give into hahahahahaha. You just made urself look like the nr. 1 douche here. gotta love Hypocrites I think most men couldn't even resist the chick when they're sober.
We should totally organize a party and hire this 11/10 girl to try and make every single one of us horny and check the outcome x).. at least 3 people in this thread are dutch, who's with me!? :-) Don't forget to place record it all, of course!
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There is no "your girl" and "my girl". I'd go as far and claim that women have their own personalities and are allowed to make choices for themselves.
Saying "if you have sex with a girl who is in a relationship makes you a horrible human being" implies that you are responsible for her relationship and that she is incapable of making the "correct" choice herself.
Closet misogynism at it's best.
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On May 10 2013 01:06 kaluro wrote:Still trollnig, you beta weakling? and I asked you a question: How old are you? In what stage of life are you? Just like i elaborated on what the values of a relationship are, just for you, you can answer my wondering question. Good to see how you entirely ignored that part of the post, too. Especially after specifically asking about it. How is that not trolling? The same way as you going super ad hominem isn't? People who fall pray to your faulty excuses for cheating are betas, it's easy as that. They have no self control and will never be proper long-term dating material until they get a grip.
Your infantile arrogance is becoming tiresome. Furthermore, you overstep. You don't get to define what is an alpha and a beta, you don't get to define maturity, you don't get to define what constitutes a successful, fulfilling life. You kind of come across as a stereotypical jock character from a bad 80s movie.
And I didn't ignore your points, I just saw no need to address them. They are your opinions and that's fine. I've never attacked you as a person, I think your views wrong, puerile, narrowminded and rather ignorant, and responded accordingly. You seem to be responding with nothing but parroted accusations of trolling and ad hominem, without even understanding the terms. You are arguing at a fifth grade level, seriously.
Also, try to look up the difference between exploring the root mechanics of a problem and making excuses for it, they are not the same. Try to wrap your head around the concept that people exist who aren't like you, don't think like you and aren't motivated by the same things as you, it will make the world seem a lot more sensible.
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On May 10 2013 01:24 r.Evo wrote:
There is no "your girl" and "my girl". I'd go as far and claim that women have their own personalities and are allowed to make choices for themselves.
Saying "if you have sex with a girl who is in a relationship makes you a horrible human being" implies that you are responsible for her relationship and that she is incapable of making the "correct" choice herself.
Closet misogynism at it's best.
I kinda agree with this but at the same time kinda don't. If you know someone else is in a relationship, then to sleep with them is implicitly condoning their choice to break trust with that other person. Now, obviously it's the decision of that person whether to cheat on their partner or not, and obviously the greatest blame when it comes to betraying their partner lies with them, but I can't help but feel it says something about the person they cheat with if they're willing to engage with someone they know is in a relationship. I suppose it shows that they don't have any particular respect for the bonds of a relationship.
I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say that sleeping with a girl/guy who is in a relationship is immoral or wrong per se, but I really do think it casts some negative aspersions on one's character provided one knows in advance that the other person is in a serious relationship and yet still tries to pursue them romantically.
To make it clear, though, the reason I believe cheating is wrong has nothing to do with some weird conception of sexuality and more to do with violating the trust of the other person. It's wrong in the same sense that breaking a promise is wrong. I also want to emphasize that the gender of the people has no bearing on my opinion of this, so there's no misogyny here, haha.
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Just today, i just felt like i was used. I came all the way from australia to singapore and found out that it was completely a waste of time.
The reason we meet was that I had to give her a few things which were given from her parents. I see her at the airport with a relative and felt so awkward that i never got the time to tell her how i felt.
It hurts so much because all this time when i was with her and her relative, she now see's me as a friend and nothing else. She did not even remember the last time we meet or what we did. So everything I held in the past in was all for nothing. We only had dinner and that was it. As a guy, it can hurt so much that much that you thought that she liked you but it just disappear into thin air.
The only fault I see in my part is i never made a connection with her. Felt so weird and empty inside. Maybe because were really different in the end.
The reason I say this now is because we were so close at one stage, but now..... i see her differently. Maybe because she's so worked up with business that she forget how to to connect with me.
I dont know, the thing that sucked is that I never got the chance. My friends were right, i should have moved on. I hate being used. So im venting here just to remember that I was used and you guys should learn from this experience.
Really trust me on this, listen to your friends because they see stuff within your illusions and simply move on....
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On May 10 2013 01:30 McBengt wrote:Show nested quote +On May 10 2013 01:06 kaluro wrote:Still trollnig, you beta weakling? and I asked you a question: How old are you? In what stage of life are you? Just like i elaborated on what the values of a relationship are, just for you, you can answer my wondering question. Good to see how you entirely ignored that part of the post, too. Especially after specifically asking about it. How is that not trolling? The same way as you going super ad hominem isn't? People who fall pray to your faulty excuses for cheating are betas, it's easy as that. They have no self control and will never be proper long-term dating material until they get a grip. Your infantile arrogance is becoming tiresome. Furthermore, you overstep. You don't get to define what is an alpha and a beta, you don't get to define maturity, you don't get to define what constitutes a successful, fulfilling life. You kind of come across as a stereotypical jock character from a bad 80s movie. And I didn't ignore your points, I just saw no need to address them. They are your opinions and that's fine. I've never attacked you as a person, I think your views wrong, puerile, narrowminded and rather ignorant, and responded accordingly. You seem to be responding with nothing but parroted accusations of trolling and ad hominem, without even understanding the terms. You are arguing at a fifth grade level, seriously. Also, try to look up the difference between exploring the root mechanics of a problem and making excuses for it, they are not the same. Try to wrap your head around the concept that people exist who aren't like you, don't think like you and aren't motivated by the same things as you, it will make the world seem a lot more sensible.
I am still curious about your age ^^.
On May 10 2013 01:24 r.Evo wrote:
There is no "your girl" and "my girl". I'd go as far and claim that women have their own personalities and are allowed to make choices for themselves.
Saying "if you have sex with a girl who is in a relationship makes you a horrible human being" implies that you are responsible for her relationship and that she is incapable of making the "correct" choice herself.
Closet misogynism at it's best.
Agreed, it's due to my bad english and not being able to come up with better words at the time of writing, creates misunderstandings. I'll try to name stuff differently.
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There seems to be an unhealthy obsession with my age and social status. It's immaterial, my decisions on my life don't matter, the reasoning used to get to the conlusions is what matters, that's what my whole "make up your mind" rant was about. If it makes you happy, I'll say that I've done the whole relationship circus, gone through the motions more than once, and found nothing I wanted. But again, my personal experiences don't matter, what matters is that I figured out what I wanted and made an informed decision on what course to pursue. Helping others do the same is kind of the point of any dating/relationship advice.
Before you can start looking for a partner you have to understand what you are looking for and who you really are, in TL:DR version.
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On May 10 2013 01:53 McBengt wrote:
Before you can start looking for a partner you have to understand what you are looking for and who you really are, in TL:DR version.
I think this is extremely good advice. Knowing who you are and what kind of partner enhances your life is essential to a successful relationship. A lot of people seem to approach relationships like taking shots in the dark, hoping that if they date enough people, they'll eventually settle on one who works out. While this may ultimately succeed, a lot of the legwork can be skipped if one does what you suggest.
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On May 10 2013 01:34 Shiori wrote:Show nested quote +On May 10 2013 01:24 r.Evo wrote:
There is no "your girl" and "my girl". I'd go as far and claim that women have their own personalities and are allowed to make choices for themselves.
Saying "if you have sex with a girl who is in a relationship makes you a horrible human being" implies that you are responsible for her relationship and that she is incapable of making the "correct" choice herself.
Closet misogynism at it's best. I kinda agree with this but at the same time kinda don't. If you know someone else is in a relationship, then to sleep with them is implicitly condoning their choice to break trust with that other person. Now, obviously it's the decision of that person whether to cheat on their partner or not, and obviously the greatest blame when it comes to betraying their partner lies with them, but I can't help but feel it says something about the person they cheat with if they're willing to engage with someone they know is in a relationship. I suppose it shows that they don't have any particular respect for the bonds of a relationship. I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say that sleeping with a girl/guy who is in a relationship is immoral or wrong per se, but I really do think it casts some negative aspersions on one's character provided one knows in advance that the other person is in a serious relationship and yet still tries to pursue them romantically. To make it clear, though, the reason I believe cheating is wrong has nothing to do with some weird conception of sexuality and more to do with violating the trust of the other person. It's wrong in the same sense that breaking a promise is wrong. I also want to emphasize that the gender of the people has no bearing on my opinion of this, so there's no misogyny here, haha.
That position is fine to me, but you're also not trying to claim some superior moral highground.
From my experiences there are a lot of scenarios where I wouldn't even consider the whole "violating someones trust" is a horrible thing. Sure, in an ideal world one partner would realize he's horribly attracted to someone outside of the relationship, then talk to his partner, quit the relationship and then go back to the person he was attracted to earlier. However, if the person instead goes on and "cheats" with the person before quitting the relationship and afterwards quits it, I just see it as a mere formality.
Most relationships are over way before "cheating" occurs, it just tends to be a dramatic enough cut for all parties involved to realize it. In that context I consider it a good thing if someone shows up and clarifies that those "bonds of a relationship" are already not respected by the involved parties. Now, people cheating on a regular basis in a relationship is a different story entirely imo.
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I'm with r.Evo on this one.
If any of that still happens to you' I still suggest breaking up before cheating. Would make a lot of people feel better in the end. IIf the girl already considers cheating and says her BF is an asshole, that probably means its time to break up anyway.
And like him, if woman cheats, she's a lot more responsible in my eyes than the guy she cheated with. This is not Kyrgyzstan, men don't "steal" wonen.
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On May 10 2013 02:05 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On May 10 2013 01:34 Shiori wrote:On May 10 2013 01:24 r.Evo wrote:
There is no "your girl" and "my girl". I'd go as far and claim that women have their own personalities and are allowed to make choices for themselves.
Saying "if you have sex with a girl who is in a relationship makes you a horrible human being" implies that you are responsible for her relationship and that she is incapable of making the "correct" choice herself.
Closet misogynism at it's best. I kinda agree with this but at the same time kinda don't. If you know someone else is in a relationship, then to sleep with them is implicitly condoning their choice to break trust with that other person. Now, obviously it's the decision of that person whether to cheat on their partner or not, and obviously the greatest blame when it comes to betraying their partner lies with them, but I can't help but feel it says something about the person they cheat with if they're willing to engage with someone they know is in a relationship. I suppose it shows that they don't have any particular respect for the bonds of a relationship. I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say that sleeping with a girl/guy who is in a relationship is immoral or wrong per se, but I really do think it casts some negative aspersions on one's character provided one knows in advance that the other person is in a serious relationship and yet still tries to pursue them romantically. To make it clear, though, the reason I believe cheating is wrong has nothing to do with some weird conception of sexuality and more to do with violating the trust of the other person. It's wrong in the same sense that breaking a promise is wrong. I also want to emphasize that the gender of the people has no bearing on my opinion of this, so there's no misogyny here, haha. Most relationships are over way before "cheating" occurs, it just tends to be a dramatic enough cut for all parties involved to realize it. In that context I consider it a good thing if someone shows up and clarifies that those "bonds of a relationship" are already not respected by the involved parties. Now, people cheating on a regular basis in a relationship is a different story entirely imo.
Exactly. And mcbengt was talking about cheating because of human nature and impulses, not because a relationship is over. That is what I was trying to counter-discuss. mcbengt was assuming a wild impulsive cheat, without a direct leading cause, such as a bad relationship.
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We should totally organize a party and hire this 11/10 girl to try and make every single one of us horny and check the outcome x).. at least 3 people in this thread are dutch, who's with me!? :-) Don't forget to place record it all, of course!
I don't usually hire women but I'm in. I already know how it will end for me though.
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On May 09 2013 14:09 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On May 09 2013 14:02 docvoc wrote:On May 09 2013 13:51 Wombat_NI wrote:
'She didn't consider it cheating' - How exactly did she come to that conclusion?
Not calling you an asshole in this instance, you didn't really do anything sexual iirc (although some find emotional cheating worse). When a girl shows those signs, it's time to get out lol. Cheaters always cheat, just a word to the wise in my experience. IMO it would depend how deep in the relationship we are, early maybe I'd let it slide with her never doing it again, later on I'd be like, NO, you're dumped. Idk she said he was a douchebag, and it'd be nice to be wanted. but like i dunno, she said she didnt see it that way which was kinda weird(tho she said her boyfriend sees like, anything as cheating???) so i didnt really think much of it. it hink i coulda stole home base but idk. im a douchebag but im not that big of a douchebag, which i cant say its all my fault since like i said it takes two to cheat, its not just a like.. one person thing..
stop fucking insecure girls who are a notch above hookers
or at least have enough common sense to just treat idiots like her as idiots, instead of thinking about dating them or whatever.
it's probably a lot less effort to just stop trying to bone whores
On May 10 2013 01:24 r.Evo wrote:
There is no "your girl" and "my girl". I'd go as far and claim that women have their own personalities and are allowed to make choices for themselves.
Saying "if you have sex with a girl who is in a relationship makes you a horrible human being" implies that you are responsible for her relationship and that she is incapable of making the "correct" choice herself.
Closet misogynism at it's best.
no it doesnt?? it just means youre a dick for boning someone you know is in a relationship, that you dont respect boundaries and shit. that phrase doesnt in anyy way say antyhing about the female having a choice or not. gender is tossedi n because everyone here is assuming that theyre speaking to another hetero dude
saying something to your gf 'i dont want you having guy friends because i dont trust them' would be misogynistic because that saying she is powerless to stop advances
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On May 10 2013 02:05 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On May 10 2013 01:34 Shiori wrote:On May 10 2013 01:24 r.Evo wrote:
There is no "your girl" and "my girl". I'd go as far and claim that women have their own personalities and are allowed to make choices for themselves.
Saying "if you have sex with a girl who is in a relationship makes you a horrible human being" implies that you are responsible for her relationship and that she is incapable of making the "correct" choice herself.
Closet misogynism at it's best. I kinda agree with this but at the same time kinda don't. If you know someone else is in a relationship, then to sleep with them is implicitly condoning their choice to break trust with that other person. Now, obviously it's the decision of that person whether to cheat on their partner or not, and obviously the greatest blame when it comes to betraying their partner lies with them, but I can't help but feel it says something about the person they cheat with if they're willing to engage with someone they know is in a relationship. I suppose it shows that they don't have any particular respect for the bonds of a relationship. I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say that sleeping with a girl/guy who is in a relationship is immoral or wrong per se, but I really do think it casts some negative aspersions on one's character provided one knows in advance that the other person is in a serious relationship and yet still tries to pursue them romantically. To make it clear, though, the reason I believe cheating is wrong has nothing to do with some weird conception of sexuality and more to do with violating the trust of the other person. It's wrong in the same sense that breaking a promise is wrong. I also want to emphasize that the gender of the people has no bearing on my opinion of this, so there's no misogyny here, haha. That position is fine to me, but you're also not trying to claim some superior moral highground. From my experiences there are a lot of scenarios where I wouldn't even consider the whole "violating someones trust" is a horrible thing. Sure, in an ideal world one partner would realize he's horribly attracted to someone outside of the relationship, then talk to his partner, quit the relationship and then go back to the person he was attracted to earlier. However, if the person instead goes on and "cheats" with the person before quitting the relationship and afterwards quits it, I just see it as a mere formality. Most relationships are over way before "cheating" occurs, it just tends to be a dramatic enough cut for all parties involved to realize it. In that context I consider it a good thing if someone shows up and clarifies that those "bonds of a relationship" are already not respected by the involved parties. Now, people cheating on a regular basis in a relationship is a different story entirely imo.
I don't think that ultimately matters. If the other partner isn't on the same page, then you're doing the equivalent of lying. Sure, it's not as bad if you just immediately go and end the relationship, but it's still a false pretense. If the relationship was already effectively over, then that should be something both parties are aware of and put in the open, especially since cheating isn't always as indicative of mutual discontent as you imply.
To me, cheating on one's partner implies a fundamental disrespect for their emotional stability and a failure to acknowledge their right to be aware of the relationship they're involved in. There's essentially no reason not to be completely honest with one's partner. If you can't be honest without saying something that initiates a breakup, then your relationship isn't genuine to begin with!
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On May 10 2013 02:44 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On May 09 2013 14:09 arb wrote:On May 09 2013 14:02 docvoc wrote:On May 09 2013 13:51 Wombat_NI wrote:
'She didn't consider it cheating' - How exactly did she come to that conclusion?
Not calling you an asshole in this instance, you didn't really do anything sexual iirc (although some find emotional cheating worse). When a girl shows those signs, it's time to get out lol. Cheaters always cheat, just a word to the wise in my experience. IMO it would depend how deep in the relationship we are, early maybe I'd let it slide with her never doing it again, later on I'd be like, NO, you're dumped. Idk she said he was a douchebag, and it'd be nice to be wanted. but like i dunno, she said she didnt see it that way which was kinda weird(tho she said her boyfriend sees like, anything as cheating???) so i didnt really think much of it. it hink i coulda stole home base but idk. im a douchebag but im not that big of a douchebag, which i cant say its all my fault since like i said it takes two to cheat, its not just a like.. one person thing.. stop fucking insecure girls who are a notch above hookers or at least have enough common sense to just treat idiots like her as idiots, instead of thinking about dating them or whatever. it's probably a lot less effort to just stop trying to bone whores
Can we please stay civil ? For all we know he could be talking about a girl you know.
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On May 10 2013 03:05 rezoacken wrote:Show nested quote +On May 10 2013 02:44 QuanticHawk wrote:On May 09 2013 14:09 arb wrote:On May 09 2013 14:02 docvoc wrote:On May 09 2013 13:51 Wombat_NI wrote:
'She didn't consider it cheating' - How exactly did she come to that conclusion?
Not calling you an asshole in this instance, you didn't really do anything sexual iirc (although some find emotional cheating worse). When a girl shows those signs, it's time to get out lol. Cheaters always cheat, just a word to the wise in my experience. IMO it would depend how deep in the relationship we are, early maybe I'd let it slide with her never doing it again, later on I'd be like, NO, you're dumped. Idk she said he was a douchebag, and it'd be nice to be wanted. but like i dunno, she said she didnt see it that way which was kinda weird(tho she said her boyfriend sees like, anything as cheating???) so i didnt really think much of it. it hink i coulda stole home base but idk. im a douchebag but im not that big of a douchebag, which i cant say its all my fault since like i said it takes two to cheat, its not just a like.. one person thing.. stop fucking insecure girls who are a notch above hookers or at least have enough common sense to just treat idiots like her as idiots, instead of thinking about dating them or whatever. it's probably a lot less effort to just stop trying to bone whores Can we please stay civil ? For all we know he could be talking about a girl you know.
You must be unfamiliar with Hawk's posting lol......Honestly though, some times guys need other guys to call a spade a spade.
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On May 10 2013 03:07 farvacola wrote:Show nested quote +On May 10 2013 03:05 rezoacken wrote:On May 10 2013 02:44 QuanticHawk wrote:On May 09 2013 14:09 arb wrote:On May 09 2013 14:02 docvoc wrote:On May 09 2013 13:51 Wombat_NI wrote:
'She didn't consider it cheating' - How exactly did she come to that conclusion?
Not calling you an asshole in this instance, you didn't really do anything sexual iirc (although some find emotional cheating worse). When a girl shows those signs, it's time to get out lol. Cheaters always cheat, just a word to the wise in my experience. IMO it would depend how deep in the relationship we are, early maybe I'd let it slide with her never doing it again, later on I'd be like, NO, you're dumped. Idk she said he was a douchebag, and it'd be nice to be wanted. but like i dunno, she said she didnt see it that way which was kinda weird(tho she said her boyfriend sees like, anything as cheating???) so i didnt really think much of it. it hink i coulda stole home base but idk. im a douchebag but im not that big of a douchebag, which i cant say its all my fault since like i said it takes two to cheat, its not just a like.. one person thing.. stop fucking insecure girls who are a notch above hookers or at least have enough common sense to just treat idiots like her as idiots, instead of thinking about dating them or whatever. it's probably a lot less effort to just stop trying to bone whores Can we please stay civil ? For all we know he could be talking about a girl you know. You must be unfamiliar with Hawk's posting lol......Honestly though, some times guys need other guys to call a spade a spade.
When the spade really is a spade, yes.
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EPT
