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Dating: How's your luck? - Page 152
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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magicmUnky
Australia280 Posts
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McBengt
Sweden1684 Posts
Humans being polygamous by nature is a statement of fact, not an excuse. Cheating is pretty much the definition of an impulse, one of the strongest we have, and there is no defined time limit for an impulsive decision. This is not to disregard personal responsibility, but cheating is rarely a pre-planned instance, it's not something you set out to do. It happens because the urge to reproduce is very strong in some individuals, enough so that it overrides reason. You don't cheat, good for you. Some people do, and here's why: We are primates, and will act accordingly if given half a chance. | ||
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kaluro
Netherlands760 Posts
On May 09 2013 18:40 McBengt wrote: Who's making excuses? It's an explanation, there was no value judgement attached to it. I don't care if he cheats or not, it was a statement on the nature of infidelity, not its moral implications. Humans being polygamous by nature is a statement of fact, not an excuse. Cheating is pretty much the definition of an impulse, one of the strongest we have, and there is no defined time limit for an impulsive decision. This is not to disregard personal responsibility, but cheating is rarely a pre-planned instance, it's not something you set out to do. It happens because the urge to reproduce is very strong in some individuals, enough so that it overrides reason. You don't cheat, good for you. Some people do, and here's why: We are primates, and will act accordingly if given half a chance. Those explanations of yours are mere excuses for having a weak mind and no relationship values, nor responsibility. You are kidding yourself and everyone around you if you claim that your excuses are so dominant that they are the deciding factor for cheating. They are loosely there but not in such huge amounts that you'd be unable to hold your sorry ass from cheating. If you think otherwise, I think it's nothing more but reasonable to tell all your future girlfriends/dates, beforehand, that you are too weak to resist and thus too subject to your "primate nature", and will likely end up cheating. And that you suck at handling alcohol and are impulsive and that the odds of you cheating on her one time or another beat the odds of never doing so. <-- THAT is standing strong about what you say, and taking responsibility for your apparent weaknesses and dominant nature you're so convinced of. | ||
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McBengt
Sweden1684 Posts
And when did this become about me? I've never cheated, and likely never will, or even be in a position to. I don't care if others do. | ||
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Eviscerador
Spain286 Posts
That pretty much resume the matter for me. I don't need to cheat my wife. I have everything I will ever imagine in a relationship with her. In case I though about cheating her, then why should I stay with her? | ||
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kaluro
Netherlands760 Posts
On May 09 2013 19:05 McBengt wrote: Stop equating a sexually exclusive relationship with some kind of virtue. It's dumb and sanctimonious. "Relationship values?", what the hell is that? There is nothing moral or immoral about human biology, it just is. And when did this become about me? I've never cheated, and likely never will, or even be in a position to. I don't care if others do. Thanks for making me understand why you don't value relationships, and why they all have been crap <3. It became about you the moment you jumped into this discussion and were obviously pro-cheating and gave lots of bad excuses. If you stand strong behind your reasoning of cheating and are subject to that weakness, don't you think it's fair for those people to say it beforehand?  .. Maybe one day you'll understand the true value of a relationship, I'm out of this discussion anyway! ~_~ so long my brother ~! On May 09 2013 19:11 Eviscerador wrote: Concerning cheating, I think some guy said one: " If you are in love with two girls, just choose the second one, because if you really were in love with the first one, you haven't fall in love with the second one" That pretty much resume the matter for me. I don't need to cheat my wife. I have everything I will ever imagine in a relationship with her. In case I though about cheating her, then why should I stay with her? Indeed, if you find something better, break up with the former. Be a man, show some respect to the lady you've shared your life with for so long, don't be a backwards ass. Nothing is perfect, you'll at some point find something better possibly, but until then.. show some respect, maturity and responsibility. The moment you hook up with someone, you have responsibilities going, one of which is not cheating but breaking up first if you oh so badly want to be with that other person. | ||
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McBengt
Sweden1684 Posts
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kaluro
Netherlands760 Posts
On May 09 2013 19:17 McBengt wrote: If you think what I wrote makes me pro-cheating you need a crash course in basic reading comprehension. Your lack explanation on the true value of a relationship, as you put it, was expected, if slightly disappointing. Whatever, I'm out for now, school time. - Sharing your life with one person exclusively, being dedicated to that one person - Going beyond the superficial relationship and having a deeper one, on both emotional, sexual as basic levels. - Being able to indefinitely trust that person, no matter what.. Not being wary or paranoid about your partner's actions, no matter what - Taking full responsibility for the well being of that person, including mentally. (This includes no cheating, not creating trust issues and not abusing that person. Acknowledging that your partner is your responsibility now and if you want something else, break up first instead of being a lame pussy) - Knowing that effort you put in won't be just thrown away because you happened to have been dating a beta-pussy who has no values or dignity. As well as showing your partner how much you appreciate the effort put in. Beta immature people cheat on others and don't know anything about relationship values and will be stuck on a very superficial emotional level in a relationship, they are also likely to cheat and want to convince themselves and their environment that they can't help it, that it's their nature and the stimulating drugs ( alcohol ). Alpha mature people are adult people that value the above things, among other things. They are responsible for their own actions and for their partner and don't come up with weirdo excuses. Thank god you can easily differentiate between alphas and betas. Now, since you're most obviously just trolling I am going to leave it at this, enjoy your school - bro. I am still curious about your age, seeing how you're not having the urge to settle with one person yet. | ||
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marvellosity
United Kingdom36161 Posts
I have to say in my younger years I wasn't perfect at all, and a lot of it was down to alcohol. I ended up doing what kakuro suggested, which was drinking less if my partner wasn't around. Or if my partner was around and I was drinking heavily, sticking reasonably close so I didn't get the chance xD | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland27478 Posts
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Poffel
471 Posts
That said, in my experience the lion's share of non-exclusive sexual relationships are simply shitty relationships (i.e. with a lack of mutual esteem). This goes for sure and without exception for any and all incidents of cheating that occur behind a partner's back. | ||
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kaluro
Netherlands760 Posts
On May 09 2013 19:55 Poffel wrote: Exclusivity is a token of mutual esteem in a sexual relationship. If some people manage to show their esteem without exclusivity, more power to them: They have come up with equivalent means to show their affection. This doesn't take away from the usefulness of exclusivity - it just means that there are more ways to skin the cat. That said, in my experience the lion's share of non-exclusive sexual relationships are simply shitty relationships (i.e. with a lack of mutual esteem). This goes for sure and without exception for any and all incidents of cheating that occur behind a partner's back. You're better at explaining it :D My english isn't nearly good enough to come up with the correct words ~_~! | ||
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sc4k
United Kingdom5454 Posts
On May 09 2013 13:41 arb wrote: Like I know it was a REALLLLLLLL asshole thing to do, but it takes two low quality people with low moral value to tango fixed that for you | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland27478 Posts
On May 09 2013 20:01 kaluro wrote: You're better at explaining it :D My english isn't nearly good enough to come up with the correct words ~_~! You sure you're not Grubby? He too downplays his English chops To paraphrase:'Uh my English is sub-optimal for conveying my thoughts on this most pertinent of issues' | ||
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Ryder.
1117 Posts
On May 09 2013 14:34 Zooper31 wrote: It's cheating regardless of how she feels about it. And yes it is a douchey thing to do, two wrong's don't make a right. You can try to make w/e logical explanation about it you want but you know what you're doing. You're making a girl cheat on her bf and you're as low as they come atm. I'd be ashamed and I've never ever do such a thing if I actually wanted to think highly of myself. Don't see why you are crucifying the guy lol. IMO he didn't do anything wrong. He didn't 'make' the girl do anything she did it cause she wanted to, nor did he have any obligations or commitments to anyone. The girl did and she was the one who fucked up, it really isn't his problem if she does and he hasn't broken anyone's trust or commitments or anything. Edit: Not saying its the nicest thing to do but to call him the scum of the earth is a bit far I think. | ||
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Ryder.
1117 Posts
On May 09 2013 17:01 kaluro wrote: If you would try to hook up with my girlfriend, there would be a very bad ending for you . If you're willing to go for an already taken girl, you have no self respect and are the worst kind of trash there is. If you'd try anything on my girlfriend I would first kindly ask you to step away but if you would keep interfering I wouldn't mind taking it to a whole other level, people like you are horrible disrespectful persons with no dignity and don't deserve any respect whatsoever. Trying to break an established relationship for self gain is cool and all, but at the same point you shouldn't start whining when the consequences show themselves around the corner and you're sitting at home with either a black eye or being on a bad stance with someone. Taking responsibility and not whining is part of what you'd be doing. Also I'd trust my girlfriend to blow you off immediately and inform me if you would keep harassing her, at which the ending wouldn't look any prettier. It's really easy to be an E-hero online and say the stuff you just did, but on the same note i bet you'd be this tiny skinny guy in real life who wouldn't even know what to say the moment he got approached aggressively because of the actions he'd never even be daring to take. Also if your girl is gonna do anything with another guy then she ain't 'your girl', and if she wouldn't do anything with another guy what have you got to worry about? No need to go flexing your guns to show off what a man you are. Edit: also hope you see the irony of the whole 'e-hero' thing you speak of. Call me crazy, but IMO hooking up with a consenting girl who has a bf doesn't make you a worse person than this bullshit, thuggery 'you hit on my girl and ill bash you bro' bullshit you are spouting. Assault is just a game to you is it? Put a guy in a coma cause you king hit him is all good, but god forbid a guy hook up with a willing girl who happens to be in a relationship...it makes me sad that guys so full of pride like you exist. | ||
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Chaosu
Poland404 Posts
On May 09 2013 19:05 McBengt wrote:There is nothing moral or immoral about human biology, it just is. There is noting moral or immoral about human biology on biology level. | ||
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McBengt
Sweden1684 Posts
On May 09 2013 19:32 Wombat_NI wrote: Some people don't have that urge, for whatever reasons they may have for that. I don't really associate settling down with maturity as such, although there will be some crossover. One of the many reasons you are my favorite person on this website. It's such a silly and arbitrary barometer for what constitutes a full life. Alpha mature people are adult people that value the above things, among other things. They are responsible for their own actions and for their partner and don't come up with weirdo excuses. Thank god you can easily differentiate between alphas and betas. Now, since you're most obviously just trolling I am going to leave it at this, enjoy your school - bro. I am still curious about your age, seeing how you're not having the urge to settle with one person yet. Good to know that you have figured out how the world and the people in it work, I was worried there for a second. It's extra cool that you provided a completely arbitrary criteria for alpha and beta people, very helpful. Of course you can't be a real adult or an alpha person without a significant other, what was I thinking. And of course, the ever green classic; trolling = won't agree with me. You may want to look around, read some books, meet some people who aren't like you before you spout more condescending, judgemental nonsense, just a tip. | ||
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levelping
Singapore759 Posts
On May 09 2013 22:52 McBengt wrote: One of the many reasons you are my favorite person on this website. It's such a silly and arbitrary barometer for what constitutes a full life. Good to know that you have figured out how the world and the people in it work, I was worried there for a second. It's extra cool that you provided a completely arbitrary criteria for alpha and beta people, very helpful. Of course you can't be a real adult or an alpha person without a significant other, what was I thinking. And of course, the ever green classic; trolling = won't agree with me. You may want to look around, read some books, meet some people who aren't like you before you spout more condescending, judgemental nonsense, just a tip. While it is true that grubby takes a rather strong view on this, I do agree with him in that your explanation for cheating is not very convincing. 1) Alcohol is never a good excuse unless you were forced to drink it. In the same way being drunk does not excuse you from various lapses of judgement (drunk driving, being rude to people, being a general ass etc), I don't think it's a great explanation for cheating. If you can't hold your alcohol, don't drink. 2) "She totally came on to me" is also a poor excuse, because unless you are suggesting you got raped, your acquiescence imputes responsibility on your for your actions (i.e. cheating). You, as a moral actor, could have stopped her, but you didn't. 3) Finally, "it's all biology!" only makes sense if you think human beings are purely biological creatures. In which case, as primates it would be totally fine to pee in public, not bathe, fling poop at people at so on. We may also kill our children (or other people's children), rape women as we please and so on. But we are not that of course, be cause human beings are more than our biology. The notion of "the prerogative to procreate being so strong it overwhelms rationality" is a terrible excuse, since most of us keep that need to procreate in our pants most of the time. I think it is disingenuous to cast as the default the errant behaviour of a few people with poor self control (as your previous post seems to suggest). | ||
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freewareplayer
Germany403 Posts
Sex is an impulse, getting a boner if something is really hot, is not really a choice. Being commited to one person is a choice. Now if someone is completly faithfull and can resist all temptations while in a relationship, kudos and respect for that, i value loyalty much myself. BUT, i really dont like this moral apostel crap if people havent resisted themself. All the people saying " I have never cheated, and i WILL NEVER cheat bla bla", i maybe believe 5 % of those people. Not cheating isnt an accomplishment if there wasnt any temptation to begin with. Lets say your out with your dudes, on a private party, you drank like a truck for whatever reason, you arent there for chicks. But along comes this 11/10 point chick who will try to nonstop get you horny. With whatever excuse she gets you upstairs or what and just undresses and jumps you, while your rly drunk and she is hot hot hot as fuck and would basicly have to get thrown off by you. If you resist that, you can talk all day about how you will never cheat ever. If you didnt resist fuckall temptations, dont talk about what you would or would not do. Cause chances are you dont know. Humans are really awesome at convincing themselfes with whatever they want. How do you know what you will do, till you have done it? Personally, i really wouldnt know what i would do. I would like to think im strong enough to say no, but im still just a horny animal at some point. So till either happened, some people shouldnt act like they ate modern relationship values, with some moral judgement for breakfast. edit: rofl at this dude who first makes it seem like its the easiest thing to control sexual impulses, and everyone who doesnt is a douche. Then he implies he would beat someone up who angers him, an even worse impulse he would give into hahahahahaha. You just made urself look like the nr. 1 douche here. gotta love Hypocrites | ||
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