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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
Kenpachi
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States9908 Posts
May 08 2013 20:50 GMT
#2981
oh i think i messed up my first kiss. we were at a disconnect and it was kinda awkward t_t
Nada's body is South Korea's greatest weapon.
Roblin
Profile Joined April 2010
Sweden948 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-08 22:00:05
May 08 2013 21:35 GMT
#2982
On May 09 2013 05:50 Kenpachi wrote:
oh i think i messed up my first kiss. we were at a disconnect and it was kinda awkward t_t

A lot of people mess up their first X for any given X.
you will have more kisses, don't worry.


On May 09 2013 01:54 Ghostcom wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 08 2013 19:44 Mikau wrote:
On May 08 2013 19:22 Ghostcom wrote:
On May 08 2013 17:30 quetzy wrote:
I hope I won't go too much OT here, but after reading some of the posts here, I feel this would be a very very useful read for many:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/
especially points #4, #3 and #2, articlelso, well, the whole article. Just read it.

Don't say that you're a nice guy that's the bare minimum. Pretty girls have e guys being nice to them 36 times a day.
Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick. You're like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is "The actors are clearly visible."


I used to be extremely shy with girls, classic geek I guess (played a lot of Broodwar back in college )
What changed me was I think first work, and second, travel. Also, in general, throwing yourself into situations where you get to meet new people does the trick.
I'm 32 now, married and happy, had my share of dating, and witnessed quite some dating drama in my friends' lives. Can't say I'm wise now, but I do have some experience and I can say that it sure would be great if someone put that article in my brain when I was, say, back in college.

Bottomline is - stop trying to 'meet a girl' or 'get a girl'. Stop fretting over dates, they are not important. Just work on improving yourself, become a person that is impressive *to you*, and you'll be amazed at how many opportunities you suddenly have without even trying. Become interesting, and it's you who will get to choose. And when two people who find each other interesting go on a date, or do any activity together for that matter, it's going to be fun.


I am laughing so hard at that article. It is a study in flawed assumptions, word-diarrhea and superiority complex.

Oh the irony. I'm guessing what you're saying is... he should stop creating?


I think you might want to read what I actually wrote again, because I said no such thing. That idiocy will have to be on your account.

@Robin: Thank you! My life is actually pretty good and without flexing the old e-peen too much I think it is safe to say that I am successful when you apply any of the most common criteria, and also when applying one of the more important ones in so far that I can recognise myself in the mirror. My understanding of the article is just fine - one would have had to still be in second grade to not understand it. McBengt hit some of the key points concerning it's weakness and quite honestly I do not see any reason to waste more time on it.


nice! I'm happy for you, though I would note that the first paragraph of the article says:

"Feel free to stop reading this if your career is going great, you're thrilled with your life and you're happy with your relationships. Enjoy the rest of your day, friend, this article is not for you. You're doing a great job, we're all proud of you."

so I will have to apologize, my response to your comment was intended as sarcastic, but now I realize that the article simply did not apply to you.

In my opinion, the wording of the article is strong and perhaps unnecessarily aggressive, but that does not make the underlying principles any less correct, and odds are you are already applying them successfully.

if I were to sum the article in one sentence it would be:

If you are unhappy about your life then sulking doesn't help, go do something about it.

and quite frankly I don't think any sane person would disagree with that statement. the difference is some people apply it, and others don't. the article is directed towards those that don't.

now I'm gonna sleep good night!
I'm better today than I was yesterday!
Mikau
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Netherlands1446 Posts
May 09 2013 00:02 GMT
#2983
On May 09 2013 01:54 Ghostcom wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 08 2013 19:44 Mikau wrote:
On May 08 2013 19:22 Ghostcom wrote:
On May 08 2013 17:30 quetzy wrote:
I hope I won't go too much OT here, but after reading some of the posts here, I feel this would be a very very useful read for many:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/
especially points #4, #3 and #2, articlelso, well, the whole article. Just read it.

Don't say that you're a nice guy that's the bare minimum. Pretty girls have e guys being nice to them 36 times a day.
Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick. You're like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is "The actors are clearly visible."


I used to be extremely shy with girls, classic geek I guess (played a lot of Broodwar back in college )
What changed me was I think first work, and second, travel. Also, in general, throwing yourself into situations where you get to meet new people does the trick.
I'm 32 now, married and happy, had my share of dating, and witnessed quite some dating drama in my friends' lives. Can't say I'm wise now, but I do have some experience and I can say that it sure would be great if someone put that article in my brain when I was, say, back in college.

Bottomline is - stop trying to 'meet a girl' or 'get a girl'. Stop fretting over dates, they are not important. Just work on improving yourself, become a person that is impressive *to you*, and you'll be amazed at how many opportunities you suddenly have without even trying. Become interesting, and it's you who will get to choose. And when two people who find each other interesting go on a date, or do any activity together for that matter, it's going to be fun.


I am laughing so hard at that article. It is a study in flawed assumptions, word-diarrhea and superiority complex.

Oh the irony. I'm guessing what you're saying is... he should stop creating?


I think you might want to read what I actually wrote again, because I said no such thing. That idiocy will have to be on your account.

Did you not actually read the article or are you being dense on purpose?
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland27360 Posts
May 09 2013 01:21 GMT
#2984
The article linked a bit back is just typical of the kind of material that is thrown out these days. There are useful things in there, but equally a lot of it is just unnecessarily acerbic and pious in tone.

Measured, useful advice < aggressive, in-your-face advice when it comes to visibility and subsequent eyeballs. The sooner proper writers start coming back into vogue instead of people who court controversy and what have you, the better.

The article from cracked is nowhere near a bad offender, but holy shit it's depressing how much awful shit is on the internet these days, and how many people actually read them.
'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
Hug-A-Hydralisk
Profile Joined February 2012
United States174 Posts
May 09 2013 01:25 GMT
#2985
On May 08 2013 14:52 farvacola wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 08 2013 13:59 Hug-A-Hydralisk wrote:
I got a job at a mexican restaurant and I'm the only guy who works there with a bunch of babes and I don't know which one to dominate first. Erm I'm the only good looking guy, other than me there's an old Hispanic and a fat alcoholic in his 20s. Am I really suppos to pick only one girl or can I indulge? The employee handbook says nothing about relationships.

This is a serious question, help a brother out.

Serious questions as to picking up women that include the word "dominate" either come from PUA fools or children.

Step your game up, and maybe treat them like human beings and not things to be "dominated".


Treating women nicely and like human beings is a major turn off. Girls by nature dig the dominant alpha male.

Don't play the alpha male, don't get the girl. It's all about playing the gentleman/dominator that's the true lady killer.
Get your PC gaming fix here: http://www.youtube.com/cinicraft YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!!
SnipedSoul
Profile Joined November 2010
Canada2158 Posts
May 09 2013 01:33 GMT
#2986
Any woman with a modicum of self respect won't let men treat her badly. TLer's you do not want to be with a woman who doesn't have self respect.
Kojak21
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Canada1104 Posts
May 09 2013 01:33 GMT
#2987
On May 09 2013 10:25 Hug-A-Hydralisk wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 08 2013 14:52 farvacola wrote:
On May 08 2013 13:59 Hug-A-Hydralisk wrote:
I got a job at a mexican restaurant and I'm the only guy who works there with a bunch of babes and I don't know which one to dominate first. Erm I'm the only good looking guy, other than me there's an old Hispanic and a fat alcoholic in his 20s. Am I really suppos to pick only one girl or can I indulge? The employee handbook says nothing about relationships.

This is a serious question, help a brother out.

Serious questions as to picking up women that include the word "dominate" either come from PUA fools or children.

Step your game up, and maybe treat them like human beings and not things to be "dominated".


Treating women nicely and like human beings is a major turn off. Girls by nature dig the dominant alpha male.

Don't play the alpha male, don't get the girl. It's all about playing the gentleman/dominator that's the true lady killer.


thats not true, u just cant get a girl that likes a nice guy probably cause they dont like your personality, so you have to play the alpha male cause u can only get dumb girls
¯\_(☺)_/¯
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland27360 Posts
May 09 2013 01:35 GMT
#2988
On May 09 2013 10:25 Hug-A-Hydralisk wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 08 2013 14:52 farvacola wrote:
On May 08 2013 13:59 Hug-A-Hydralisk wrote:
I got a job at a mexican restaurant and I'm the only guy who works there with a bunch of babes and I don't know which one to dominate first. Erm I'm the only good looking guy, other than me there's an old Hispanic and a fat alcoholic in his 20s. Am I really suppos to pick only one girl or can I indulge? The employee handbook says nothing about relationships.

This is a serious question, help a brother out.

Serious questions as to picking up women that include the word "dominate" either come from PUA fools or children.

Step your game up, and maybe treat them like human beings and not things to be "dominated".


Treating women nicely and like human beings is a major turn off. Girls by nature dig the dominant alpha male.

Don't play the alpha male, don't get the girl. It's all about playing the gentleman/dominator that's the true lady killer.

See, my objection to this is the creation of a false dichotomy you're either being 'alpha' or a 'nice guy'.

Girls in my experience don't like brash, obnoxious fucktards, neither do they like meek, clingy and desperate guys.
'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18869 Posts
May 09 2013 01:44 GMT
#2989
On May 09 2013 10:35 Wombat_NI wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 09 2013 10:25 Hug-A-Hydralisk wrote:
On May 08 2013 14:52 farvacola wrote:
On May 08 2013 13:59 Hug-A-Hydralisk wrote:
I got a job at a mexican restaurant and I'm the only guy who works there with a bunch of babes and I don't know which one to dominate first. Erm I'm the only good looking guy, other than me there's an old Hispanic and a fat alcoholic in his 20s. Am I really suppos to pick only one girl or can I indulge? The employee handbook says nothing about relationships.

This is a serious question, help a brother out.

Serious questions as to picking up women that include the word "dominate" either come from PUA fools or children.

Step your game up, and maybe treat them like human beings and not things to be "dominated".


Treating women nicely and like human beings is a major turn off. Girls by nature dig the dominant alpha male.

Don't play the alpha male, don't get the girl. It's all about playing the gentleman/dominator that's the true lady killer.

See, my objection to this is the creation of a false dichotomy you're either being 'alpha' or a 'nice guy'.

Girls in my experience don't like brash, obnoxious fucktards, neither do they like meek, clingy and desperate guys.

Yes, this is exactly what I was saying.
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
rezoacken
Profile Joined April 2010
Canada2719 Posts
May 09 2013 01:45 GMT
#2990
On May 09 2013 10:35 Wombat_NI wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 09 2013 10:25 Hug-A-Hydralisk wrote:
On May 08 2013 14:52 farvacola wrote:
On May 08 2013 13:59 Hug-A-Hydralisk wrote:
I got a job at a mexican restaurant and I'm the only guy who works there with a bunch of babes and I don't know which one to dominate first. Erm I'm the only good looking guy, other than me there's an old Hispanic and a fat alcoholic in his 20s. Am I really suppos to pick only one girl or can I indulge? The employee handbook says nothing about relationships.

This is a serious question, help a brother out.

Serious questions as to picking up women that include the word "dominate" either come from PUA fools or children.

Step your game up, and maybe treat them like human beings and not things to be "dominated".


Treating women nicely and like human beings is a major turn off. Girls by nature dig the dominant alpha male.

Don't play the alpha male, don't get the girl. It's all about playing the gentleman/dominator that's the true lady killer.

See, my objection to this is the creation of a false dichotomy you're either being 'alpha' or a 'nice guy'.

Girls in my experience don't like brash, obnoxious fucktards, neither do they like meek, clingy and desperate guys.


This is my opinion.
Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.
Kenpachi
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States9908 Posts
May 09 2013 02:49 GMT
#2991
well. my girlfriend made me realize something: League of Legends brought us together
Nada's body is South Korea's greatest weapon.
arb
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Noobville17922 Posts
May 09 2013 02:53 GMT
#2992
So i guess I can give some story, I was checking my fb other messages(the box that doesnt show if you have a message or not) and had one from a girl i hadnt talked to in like.. idk 4 years or something(ive known her for about 8 i guess) but more ro less we chatted it up for a bit, then didnt talk for about a month and a couple weeks ago started again(all the while shes dating someone mind you) but hell i live in another state so i dont give a fuck, other night in a big spout of boredom(literally) i jokingly asked her what she'd do if i came to see her right now, we talked a bit of shit and finally i said fuck it and just decided to go.

more or less i got there and it was like.. idk totally comfortable feeling, and we cuddled and did shit for a few days(non sexual since she said she wasnt going to cheat on her boyfriend or something) then i went home, but it was super weird being totally comfortable with someone after that long and we were really a whole lot alike ._. but shes supposed to be coming to see me soon/ im going back there not sure which atm but

wtf do i do in this situation ???
+ Show Spoiler +
granted i think i know what people will say but i figured id ask
Artillery spawned from the forges of Hell
rezoacken
Profile Joined April 2010
Canada2719 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-09 03:08:44
May 09 2013 02:59 GMT
#2993
What do you want ? Are you interested by a relationship ? Is she interested ? If yes to these, then tell that you like her but don't want to do more while she sees somebody else.

I really advise against making her cheat. This would make her feel really bad and can go as far as giving her buyer remorse. You'd be better knowing your woman breaks up before cheating. You'd like it this way as the other guy. You don't look like every horny guy and you'd look one that would put integrity first rather than willing to have sex no matter what.

That's my perspective on this.

If you're REALLY not interested, cut the cuddling and just do friendly stuff. In this situation I would even suggest meeting her boyfriend. But that requires a strong integrity to do all that and you being really not interested.
Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.
Zooper31
Profile Joined May 2009
United States5713 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-09 03:03:08
May 09 2013 03:02 GMT
#2994
On May 09 2013 11:53 arb wrote:
So i guess I can give some story, I was checking my fb other messages(the box that doesnt show if you have a message or not) and had one from a girl i hadnt talked to in like.. idk 4 years or something(ive known her for about 8 i guess) but more ro less we chatted it up for a bit, then didnt talk for about a month and a couple weeks ago started again(all the while shes dating someone mind you) but hell i live in another state so i dont give a fuck, other night in a big spout of boredom(literally) i jokingly asked her what she'd do if i came to see her right now, we talked a bit of shit and finally i said fuck it and just decided to go.

more or less i got there and it was like.. idk totally comfortable feeling, and we cuddled and did shit for a few days(non sexual since she said she wasnt going to cheat on her boyfriend or something) then i went home, but it was super weird being totally comfortable with someone after that long and we were really a whole lot alike ._. but shes supposed to be coming to see me soon/ im going back there not sure which atm but

wtf do i do in this situation ???
+ Show Spoiler +
granted i think i know what people will say but i figured id ask


Exactly. Don't fucking make her cheat with you. Are you coming here to brag or what? If she likes you, make her break up with her bf. If she isn't going to then don't see her anymore because it's obvious there a thing between you and you're going behind the guy's back which is a real a-hole move.
Asato ma sad gamaya, tamaso ma jyotir gamaya, mrtyor mamrtam gamaya
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
May 09 2013 03:04 GMT
#2995
You stayed at her place a few days? Man i wouldn't be a happy boyfriend if I would find out about that...
Zooper31
Profile Joined May 2009
United States5713 Posts
May 09 2013 03:34 GMT
#2996
On May 09 2013 12:04 B.I.G. wrote:
You stayed at her place a few days? Man i wouldn't be a happy boyfriend if I would find out about that...


That'd be enough for me to break up if I had a gf. Her cuddling with another guy period, let alone, alone at her place without my knowledge.
Asato ma sad gamaya, tamaso ma jyotir gamaya, mrtyor mamrtam gamaya
arb
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Noobville17922 Posts
May 09 2013 04:41 GMT
#2997
On May 09 2013 12:34 Zooper31 wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 09 2013 12:04 B.I.G. wrote:
You stayed at her place a few days? Man i wouldn't be a happy boyfriend if I would find out about that...


That'd be enough for me to break up if I had a gf. Her cuddling with another guy period, let alone, alone at her place without my knowledge.

I do feel kinda douchey about it, but idk. she said she didnt consider it cheating, and i told myself i wouldnt do anything else since she was dating someone. Like I know it was a REALLLLLLLL asshole thing to do, but it takes two to tango, and its not like i forced the point or tried anything else.

dunno, shes all about trying to keep it secretive and shit so idk wtf.
Artillery spawned from the forges of Hell
Orcasgt24
Profile Joined August 2011
Canada3238 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-09 04:48:30
May 09 2013 04:48 GMT
#2998
On May 09 2013 13:41 arb wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 09 2013 12:34 Zooper31 wrote:
On May 09 2013 12:04 B.I.G. wrote:
You stayed at her place a few days? Man i wouldn't be a happy boyfriend if I would find out about that...


That'd be enough for me to break up if I had a gf. Her cuddling with another guy period, let alone, alone at her place without my knowledge.

I do feel kinda douchey about it, but idk. she said she didnt consider it cheating, and i told myself i wouldnt do anything else since she was dating someone. Like I know it was a REALLLLLLLL asshole thing to do, but it takes two to tango, and its not like i forced the point or tried anything else.

dunno, shes all about trying to keep it secretive and shit so idk wtf.


Gonna go that far then may as well steal home. Shes basiclly asked you too
In Hearthstone we pray to RNGesus. When Yogg-Saron hits the field, RNGod gets to work
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland27360 Posts
May 09 2013 04:51 GMT
#2999
'She didn't consider it cheating' - How exactly did she come to that conclusion?

Not calling you an asshole in this instance, you didn't really do anything sexual iirc (although some find emotional cheating worse).
'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
docvoc
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States5491 Posts
May 09 2013 05:02 GMT
#3000
On May 09 2013 13:51 Wombat_NI wrote:
'She didn't consider it cheating' - How exactly did she come to that conclusion?

Not calling you an asshole in this instance, you didn't really do anything sexual iirc (although some find emotional cheating worse).

When a girl shows those signs, it's time to get out lol. Cheaters always cheat, just a word to the wise in my experience. IMO it would depend how deep in the relationship we are, early maybe I'd let it slide with her never doing it again, later on I'd be like, NO, you're dumped.
User was warned for too many mimes.
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