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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Northern Ireland23791 Posts
On May 07 2013 07:26 babylon wrote:
my roommate's trying to get away from this guy who's her classmate who's always asking her to hang out (like every other day or something like that).
she's been brushing him off all the time, 'cause she's not interested in him as a bf and not really interested in him as a conversation partner either, just wants to keep it at friendly acquaintances.
but she can't tell him to stop it, because he hasn't made any explicit advances yet, so she thinks it'd be presumptuous to tell him that she's not interested in him. but then he just keeps asking her out to these small not-really-dates, and she's so exasperated now that she's agreeing to them occasionally in the hopes that he'll finally make an explicit advance so she can just shut him down hard.
(note: this has been going on for like 6+ months.)
lesson being: don't waffle around thinking, "does she like me, does she not like me?" because then it just causes annoyance/pain for both parties. rip it off like a goddamn bandage.
Argh, I feel her pain babylon. Why couldn't she do the whole fake boyfriend thing, would that not throw him off a bit? Just casual drops of it can do the job if this suitor isn't a nutjob
I'd all be for the balls-out honesty approach, but as you say, it's difficult to shoot somebody down when they haven't explicitly put it out there.
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On May 07 2013 07:29 Wombat_NI wrote:Show nested quote +On May 07 2013 07:26 babylon wrote:
my roommate's trying to get away from this guy who's her classmate who's always asking her to hang out (like every other day or something like that).
she's been brushing him off all the time, 'cause she's not interested in him as a bf and not really interested in him as a conversation partner either, just wants to keep it at friendly acquaintances.
but she can't tell him to stop it, because he hasn't made any explicit advances yet, so she thinks it'd be presumptuous to tell him that she's not interested in him. but then he just keeps asking her out to these small not-really-dates, and she's so exasperated now that she's agreeing to them occasionally in the hopes that he'll finally make an explicit advance so she can just shut him down hard.
(note: this has been going on for like 6+ months.)
lesson being: don't waffle around thinking, "does she like me, does she not like me?" because then it just causes annoyance/pain for both parties. rip it off like a goddamn bandage. Argh, I feel her pain babylon. Why couldn't she do the whole fake boyfriend thing, would that not throw him off a bit? Just casual drops of it can do the job if this suitor isn't a nutjob I'd all be for the balls-out honesty approach, but as you say, it's difficult to shoot somebody down when they haven't explicitly put it out there.
yeah, i'm thinking it's a bit mean of her to encourage him, because the guy will take it as "omg she's showing interest!!!" when she just wants to finally(!) reject him.
on the other hand, it's a ridiculously long, awkward spectacle, so i can see why she wants to end it. (the spectacle may even continue for another year if the guy doesn't get the hint, since they might be classmates next year too.)
she could do the fake bf thing though ... maybe i should suggest that to her the next time she brings the situation up. she prefers to be honest whenever she can though, so she might not go for it. but convenient thing is that she does have a long-distance candidate she could pass off as her bf (with whom she is actually interested in getting back together with after graduation, and he with her, so it's not even that fake ...) hmm.
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Northern Ireland23791 Posts
Guys in that situation often get encouraged, and subsequently resentful if they feel that a woman has lead them on as they perceive it, and can frequently turn nasty after this. Generally, indulging them does not end that well, unless they are very 'nice guys'
Not saying that this guy may an asshole if nothing happens romantically, but everybody knows somebody who has a situation like this that can end badly.
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On May 07 2013 00:52 Mikau wrote:
That's probably true, but to be fair to me I couldn´t know that for sure before I posted here.
I'm just horrible at anything involving girls in any other way than friendship. Second-guessing myself in this kind of situation isn't that weird to me. It helps to be reassured in this case.
I'm guessing input on whether or not she's into me isn't something people on the internet half the world away can give me right? (A).
It's pretty easy to figure out. Just start making some sex-themed jokes with her. If she laughs and starts telling you how bad you are then she likes you. Alternatively, try touching her in a non-sexual way; like, touch her arm, sit close to her, put your hand down just brushing against hers, etc. See how she reacts. If she doesn't pull away and just leave her hand there in contact with yours, you're good to go.
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So i am the loner type, i have a few 'friends' but no close friends, i find most people very boring and don't much bother with trying to gain good friends. Anyway(for the first time in several years), i met a girl recently at uni who i have quite come to like, we meet each week and study together/hang out at uni. We were texting yesterday organizing when we would meet this week, when i asked her if she would like to go to the city and see some places with me. She didn't respond for over an hour(where as we were sending texts every few minutes prior to my asking) and the replies she did give were vague and didn't even give an answer.
Gut feeling is its a sign she isn't interested, but i hope she is -.- Weird situation for me, should i text her again and try get clarity or wait till we meet during the week?
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On May 07 2013 08:41 Resent wrote:
So i am the loner type, i have a few 'friends' but no close friends, i find most people very boring and don't much bother with trying to gain good friends. Anyway(for the first time in several years), i met a girl recently at uni who i have quite come to like, we meet each week and study together/hang out at uni. We were texting yesterday organizing when we would meet this week, when i asked her if she would like to go to the city and see some places with me. She didn't respond for over an hour(where as we were sending texts every few minutes prior to my asking) and the replies she did give were vague and didn't even give an answer.
Gut feeling is its a sign she isn't interested, but i hope she is -.- Weird situation for me, should i text her again and try get clarity or wait till we meet during the week?
Just chill for a bit. See how she reacts to you at your next meeting. Once you've been around her for a bit just go with your instincts about whether asking her again is a good idea or not. Don't over think it.
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On May 07 2013 07:54 ziggurat wrote:Show nested quote +On May 07 2013 00:52 Mikau wrote:
That's probably true, but to be fair to me I couldn´t know that for sure before I posted here.
I'm just horrible at anything involving girls in any other way than friendship. Second-guessing myself in this kind of situation isn't that weird to me. It helps to be reassured in this case.
I'm guessing input on whether or not she's into me isn't something people on the internet half the world away can give me right? (A). It's pretty easy to figure out. Just start making some sex-themed jokes with her. If she laughs and starts telling you how bad you are then she likes you. Alternatively, try touching her in a non-sexual way; like, touch her arm, sit close to her, put your hand down just brushing against hers, etc. See how she reacts. If she doesn't pull away and just leave her hand there in contact with yours, you're good to go.
The problem with that is, there (probably) won't be any face to face contact unless I explicitly ask her to go do something with me or we just happen to be at the same social event (unlikely since we dont move in the same circles much). I guess I'm just going to ask her out, what's the worst that can happen right? Unfortunately I dont have time for the coming two weeks, so I guess it's better to wait for a bit so I avoid asking "want to go out.... sometime in the not too near future" instead of just being able to ask her out on a specific nearby day.
Time for another week or two of secondguessing this decision. I really need to stop my habit of overthinking every single thing that happens (or doesn´t happen, or might happen, or might not happen, etc)
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Thanks for your words, rezoacken. At least the formatting on the site is pretty professional and the overall feel otherwise is good but yes, having to pay to contact is cruddy and the subscription service does not change the fact that you have to pay for emails or chat in this site's case, so I wouldn't be subscribing to this one. 
I don't live in a really big city so the selection will also be simply smaller around me anyway. :S
I was already aware of the men:women ratio so no worries there and I'm 26 for the record. I completely agree about the reasoning regarding nightlife.
I'll keep this thread in mind and maybe you'll see my here again with either updates or more questions.
On May 06 2013 09:22 Najda wrote:
Never send a wink/kiss, they aren't effective at all. Girls on dating sites get a ridiculous amount of messages so a wink means nothing. Some message sites do have an auto response set up to winks however, so it's possible that is what you received back. No, the admins did not view your profiles and realize you were compatible and block you two from communicating.
Dating sites are often just a numbers game. Obviously there are ways to increase your odds, but you really want to send out as many messages (and please don't just copy paste messages) to a plethora of girls, don't focus on just one. Pay sites will have less fake accounts, but they are usually pretty easy to spot regardless. If you're curious, just do a search for the profile pic on google images.
I did say that her 'kiss' was not a response one but rather a separate one and arrive 4 and a half months AFTER I sent my original one, so it would have to be a pretty weird automated response system. 
How do you mean search for the image on Google images? Can you just copy-paste one into the search engine to look for where it came from because that would be cool functionality I was completely oblivious to if so!...
Haa, so you can upload and search for it. Wow, I was unaware of this, ta.
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After getting called "Conqueror of Korea" by an acquaintance, yeah, I'm done for the time being. I'll enjoy my last 6 weeks of undergrad and worry about girls or even serious dating in grad school or after.
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On May 06 2013 21:53 TOCHMY wrote:Show nested quote +On May 06 2013 20:59 sunprince wrote:On May 06 2013 09:10 Zooper31 wrote:
Met new girl, invited her over after I explained how awesome I make blanket forts. I'm 22yr btw and fuck you forts are awesome at all ages. Blacklights and glowsticks etc and probably some cards and music. She brings her friend but idc didn't expect anything too major to happen tbh.
Anyway... night went good, first time we actually hung out and it gets x-rated by the end of the night while the friend is still awake. Won't go into details but the jist of it was I didn't get much sleep.
She starts calling me babe and hun and shit and giving me the heart symbol (never reciprocated anything and ignored it when I could). She's txting me a ton and using all those words less than like 48hours later.
<.< red sirens are going off in my head when she asks me if we are a couple now. I'm now thinking how/when I should bail. Red flags indeed. How you should bail depends on what exactly you want. If you would like to continue sleeping with her, your best approach is probably to be upfront with her that you enjoyed the experience but it doesn't mean you're a couple. If not, you can either let her know that upfront or gradually reduce contact to zero by responding less and less to her. In a few weeks, some girl will post in a "dating how's your luck thread" on some girly website asking "why do guys play games T_T he invited me to his blanketfort to have sex and then he started ignoring me, should I ignore him back?"
Responding less and less ≠ ignoring. I'm sure most people have increased and decreased the amount of time they spend talking to any given friend before, whether or not they were aware they were doing it.
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On May 07 2013 08:41 Resent wrote:
So i am the loner type, i have a few 'friends' but no close friends, i find most people very boring and don't much bother with trying to gain good friends. Anyway(for the first time in several years), i met a girl recently at uni who i have quite come to like, we meet each week and study together/hang out at uni. We were texting yesterday organizing when we would meet this week, when i asked her if she would like to go to the city and see some places with me. She didn't respond for over an hour(where as we were sending texts every few minutes prior to my asking) and the replies she did give were vague and didn't even give an answer.
Gut feeling is its a sign she isn't interested, but i hope she is -.- Weird situation for me, should i text her again and try get clarity or wait till we meet during the week?
Just think like this, if you were her in this situation, what could be a reason for giving vague/dodgy answers after someone asks you to hang out? I'd say uninterested...
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So I'm in a bit of a weird situation. I went to ask the girl at work to lunch yesterday, but she wasn't in her office. So, I decided to go with plan B, which was to email her an invite to lunch sometime this week. Now, there are pros and cons to the whole email thing, and I know the PUA guys will probably think I blew it right there, but really I didn't want it to seem like a "date" and more like a friendly, casual lunch (we have similar interests professionally, and I eluded to this in the short email). I just wanted to get to know her better, to see if I even like her before I ever wanted a "date." People I work with ask each other to lunch via email all the time, so it seemed pretty standard and nonchalant to me.
The problem is, she hasn't responded, and I'm pretty sure she's seen the email at this point. I cruised by her office on the way in to work this morning and saw she was in there (I didn't stop and say hi or anything), so I know she's been back somewhere where she would check her work email. I'm really sort of pissed right now that she couldn't just say "no" in any number of ways to the email. The more I think about it, the weirder it is that she chose just ignoring it as the option, because she has gone out of her way to say hi to me in the past. It's like she has completely 180'd this entire situation.
I'm not really sure what to do at this point. I'm basically taking the ignore as a "no" and just moving on. I don't see her as a regular part of the week, so I can avoid any sort of awkwardness, but it is just weird that she didn't respond at all to me. Then there is the outside chance that she just didn't see the email, which puts me in an even weirder spot.
Should I just forget it and move on?
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happened to me so often that I invited a girl on a date by text or w/e and she just flatout ignored me.. In my case it was never a "hidden signal" or whatever and just plain old uninterested and being too awkward to say no. It's a pain but it seems like a lot of girls are like that..
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On May 07 2013 23:54 B.I.G. wrote:
happened to me so often that I invited a girl on a date by text or w/e and she just flatout ignored me.. In my case it was never a "hidden signal" or whatever and just plain old uninterested and being too awkward to say no. It's a pain but it seems like a lot of girls are like that..
I am fairly confident that if you are being ignored, you yourself did something to make the situation so awkward, that the girl didn't know how to respond. If you would've made the girl at hand feel at ease, she would have repled back.
Now, I don't know the context at all, but most of the time it's the other person that is the cause of the person at hand not responding. If you were really awkward, pushy, insecure, cocky, mean, nerdy, foolish or had some awkward situations or have an awkward personality towards theo ther person, the other person is inclined to not even consider replying.
Instead of pointing the finger at the other person, you should look at yourself first, golden advice - trust me.
Especially your final sentence "But it seems like a lot of girls are like that..", if you have experience with 'a lot of girls' ignoring you, then the only returning factor is you, am I right? I have not once had a girl ignore me after I showed interest, yet you seemed to have a returning experience.
Also if your looks (clothes, hair, hygiëne, (un)shaved etc) are not fashionable and/or unhealthy looking or if you have sweaty(smelly) armpits or whatever other negative point - It automatically creates an awkward situation in which the girl wants to get away ASAP and/or not to ever take you serious.
Not meant to be an asshole towards you by the way, Just trying to help you (possibly) enlighten the entire context/situation!
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On May 07 2013 08:41 Resent wrote:
So i am the loner type, i have a few 'friends' but no close friends, i find most people very boring and don't much bother with trying to gain good friends. Anyway(for the first time in several years), i met a girl recently at uni who i have quite come to like, we meet each week and study together/hang out at uni. We were texting yesterday organizing when we would meet this week, when i asked her if she would like to go to the city and see some places with me. She didn't respond for over an hour(where as we were sending texts every few minutes prior to my asking) and the replies she did give were vague and didn't even give an answer.
Gut feeling is its a sign she isn't interested, but i hope she is -.- Weird situation for me, should i text her again and try get clarity or wait till we meet during the week?
my gut feeling would be to put her on the spot. Tell her you maybe misunderstood her, ask her again, put it in a simple sentence with few words that only leave yes/no for an answer. Then again, maybe you should not take any advice from me
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United Kingdom36156 Posts
On May 08 2013 00:12 kaluro wrote:
Especially your final sentence "But it seems like a lot of girls are like that..", if you have experience with 'a lot of girls' ignoring you, then the only returning factor is you, am I right? I have not once had a girl ignore me after I showed interest, yet you seemed to have a returning experience.
Are you sure you're not just unimaginably handsome?
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On May 08 2013 00:13 marvellosity wrote:Show nested quote +On May 08 2013 00:12 kaluro wrote:
Especially your final sentence "But it seems like a lot of girls are like that..", if you have experience with 'a lot of girls' ignoring you, then the only returning factor is you, am I right? I have not once had a girl ignore me after I showed interest, yet you seemed to have a returning experience. Are you sure you're not just unimaginably handsome?
Positive, I'm not the worst looking + do strength training (bodybuilding if you will) but not a huge stand out either.
I'm merely confident and take good care of my body/fashion.
+ Show Spoiler +![[image loading]](https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/538809_10151253783873573_1430796940_n.jpg) ![[image loading]](https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/314171_10151222205143573_21890759_n.jpg) Me and the girlfriend after a decent workout :D....and dont worry, I have a proper haircut now, sides ~5-6 milimeter, top a bit longer, to the side kind of. dry matte look. ![[image loading]](https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/418131_10151414457403573_721444643_n.jpg) and when in doubt if i'm impersonating someone, I stream with cam included, at least 3 hours a day. ^_^ (see signature)
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oh man i like your signature... i think i will steal it...
Don't do your best, do whatever it takes. - kaluro
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On May 08 2013 00:23 Topin wrote:
oh man i like your signature... i think i will steal it...
Don't do your best, do whatever it takes. - kaluro
and I stole it from someone else, I just don't remember who..hah x)
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United Kingdom36156 Posts
On May 08 2013 00:17 kaluro wrote:Show nested quote +On May 08 2013 00:13 marvellosity wrote:On May 08 2013 00:12 kaluro wrote:
Especially your final sentence "But it seems like a lot of girls are like that..", if you have experience with 'a lot of girls' ignoring you, then the only returning factor is you, am I right? I have not once had a girl ignore me after I showed interest, yet you seemed to have a returning experience. Are you sure you're not just unimaginably handsome? Positive, I'm not the worst looking + do strength training (bodybuilding if you will) but not a huge stand out either. I'm merely confident and take good care of my body/fashion. + Show Spoiler +Me and the girlfriend after a decent workout :D....and dont worry, I have a proper haircut now, sides ~5-6 milimeter, top a bit longer, to the side kind of. dry matte look. and when in doubt if i'm impersonating someone, I stream with cam included, at least 3 hours a day. ^_^ (see signature)
You are pretty handsome. I'd swoon. You and your gf look great together ^^
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EPT
