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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
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Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On May 06 2013 04:26 HardlyNever wrote:
Going to ask this girl I work with on a lunch "date" (although I don't really consider it a date) this week. Ostensibly we have a lot in common and she seems to be giving me signals (but she could just be being nice).
Will update later this week.
I can never tell the difference
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On May 06 2013 04:28 MagmaPunch wrote:
Imo. Just talk to her. There's absolutely no point in speculating about her charachter. If she's not nice you will find out and then go on with your life, otherwise you will find yourself a possible date.At this point, you've got absolutely nothing to lose
I've been talking to her. That is why I want to have lunch with her, to talk to her more.
Or maybe you're talking to another poster.
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On May 05 2013 16:37 Orcasgt24 wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 06:41 Orcasgt24 wrote:On May 03 2013 06:26 white_horse wrote:On May 03 2013 06:18 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:02 Orcasgt24 wrote:On April 24 2013 08:09 Orcasgt24 wrote:
I have a date tonight with a new girl from work. She moved to this city like 2 weeks ago. Very excited. Figured I'd post how it went for the hell of it. She spent most of the time either texting or talking to her friend from the city she moved from. Then quickly asked for the bill when the server came by. Total waste of both of our time. Obviously no second date coming lol. Sounds like you bored her. Consider telling a girl to put her phone away the next time this happens to you on a date, and walking out otherwise. Completely agree. It's not ok to even look at your phone once or twice during a date just because it's "only once or twice". Your attention should be 100% towards the other person, not 99% or 98%. If you're guilty of looking at your phone during a date a few times, good to cut the habit now, else you want to lose points from the other. I know I bored her. I tried to carry a conversation (my single worst trait by the way) but responces were like dead ends. She left it practiclly impossble to continue on any one subject and eventually I basiclly gave up. I'm also 95% sure she agreed to go out with me because shes too nice to say no. Food was good at least! So this same girl has been chatting with me during her breaks and the odd text conversation. Like half of what she talks about is how she's hung out with a bunch of guys who shes ended up thinking are douche-bags. To me this comes across as an extremely polar sign. I just cannot figure out if its the I'm a douche-bag side or the not so subtle hint to ask her out again. Given how poorly the first date went I cannot see it being the wanting a second one(maybe she feels bad?) I don't know what to think or do here. I'm leaning on the side of fuck it and just ask her out again. Worst she can say is no right...
I recommend keep texting/chatting and build some more rapport before you ask her out again. If you do insist on a second date, maybe something fun that keeps you both on your feet.
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On that same note, what are some ways to get a girl to put away their phone? Like in a jokingly/playful sort of way
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On May 05 2013 23:35 ziggurat wrote:Show nested quote +On May 05 2013 17:32 Orcasgt24 wrote:On May 05 2013 17:14 Ghostcom wrote:On May 05 2013 17:11 Orcasgt24 wrote:On May 05 2013 16:57 Ghostcom wrote:On May 05 2013 16:37 Orcasgt24 wrote:On May 03 2013 06:41 Orcasgt24 wrote:On May 03 2013 06:26 white_horse wrote:On May 03 2013 06:18 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:02 Orcasgt24 wrote:
[quote]
Figured I'd post how it went for the hell of it.
She spent most of the time either texting or talking to her friend from the city she moved from. Then quickly asked for the bill when the server came by. Total waste of both of our time. Obviously no second date coming lol. Sounds like you bored her. Consider telling a girl to put her phone away the next time this happens to you on a date, and walking out otherwise. Completely agree. It's not ok to even look at your phone once or twice during a date just because it's "only once or twice". Your attention should be 100% towards the other person, not 99% or 98%. If you're guilty of looking at your phone during a date a few times, good to cut the habit now, else you want to lose points from the other. I know I bored her. I tried to carry a conversation (my single worst trait by the way) but responces were like dead ends. She left it practiclly impossble to continue on any one subject and eventually I basiclly gave up. I'm also 95% sure she agreed to go out with me because shes too nice to say no. Food was good at least! So this same girl has been chatting with me during her breaks and the odd text conversation. Like half of what she talks about is how she's hung out with a bunch of guys who shes ended up thinking are douche-bags. To me this comes across as an extremely polar sign. I just cannot figure out if its the I'm a douche-bag side or the not so subtle hint to ask her out again. Given how poorly the first date went I cannot see it being the wanting a second one(maybe she feels bad?) I don't know what to think or do here. I'm leaning on the side of fuck it and just ask her out again. Worst she can say is no right... Just a thought, but if the first date went that "bad" (relatively speaking), do YOU want another date with her? It takes two to shape the outcome of a date. True. And I didn't get much help in the last one. I'm not the best at conversing so I need alot more input then I got. And of course she spent a bunch if it on the phone... I do like her so a second shot is something I'd like. By all means, go for it - as someone else said, better to know for sure than thinking of what could have been. Just be cautious that she is not using you - what changed since the last date and why should she be more invested in date 2? The thing that's changed is she talks about guys shes hung out with since moving and calling them all douche bags.. In other words, she has the same kind of conversation with you that she'd have with a female friend. She's not interested. sorry dude.
This has been my experience too. If a girl that you are not sleeping with starts talking about problems that she has had with other guys then you have been friend zoned.
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So right after our first date, she went grocery shopping... started texting me random quesitons about what I've eaten and what I'd like to eat
Keeper?
EDIT: now she's texting me photos of what she's making for dinner
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On May 06 2013 06:18 Shady Sands wrote:
So right after our first date, she went grocery shopping... started texting me random quesitons about what I've eaten and what I'd like to eat
Keeper?
If she can make a schabowy sure, why not.
As for my dating, I don't.
Yet.
I hope.
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On May 06 2013 06:18 Shady Sands wrote:
So right after our first date, she went grocery shopping... started texting me random quesitons about what I've eaten and what I'd like to eat
Keeper?
EDIT: now she's texting me photos of what she's making for dinner
Does the food look good? Cooking skill, in my books anyways, is more then sufficent to warrent a serious attempt at keeping!
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On May 06 2013 05:41 W2 wrote:
On that same note, what are some ways to get a girl to put away their phone? Like in a jokingly/playful sort of way
You mean during a date ?
Asking someone to stop doing something annoying has to come by their own realization that it's annoying which isn't an emotion that goes very well with laughter.
But without being rude just say you'd like it if she'd stop using her phone. Most of the time she'll be okay with it if she's a nice enough person. If she starts to be really bitchy ("Don't tell me what to do") and doesn't stop, just leave the date, she sucks.
Trust me, being able to walk away will give you a lot more confidence in the end than accepting to be disrespected.
In the end anyway its the same as saying she's disrespectful (with reason) so you will have to stand your ground and resume conversation to kill the awkwardness that may come out of it. You can also ask if she is waiting for something really important, it happens (family member in hospital, etc), but the last evening of her bff can wait.
By the way, I wouldn't freak out for one or two checks during a date, as long as she doesn't start texting, looking facebook, and answering calls that's okay with me.
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On May 06 2013 06:23 Orcasgt24 wrote:Show nested quote +On May 06 2013 06:18 Shady Sands wrote:
So right after our first date, she went grocery shopping... started texting me random quesitons about what I've eaten and what I'd like to eat
Keeper?
EDIT: now she's texting me photos of what she's making for dinner Does the food look good? Cooking skill, in my books anyways, is more then sufficent to warrent a serious attempt at keeping!
Oh yeah it does. Quiche with bacon, mushrooms, and sriracha sauce
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On May 06 2013 06:22 Kurumi wrote:Show nested quote +On May 06 2013 06:18 Shady Sands wrote:
So right after our first date, she went grocery shopping... started texting me random quesitons about what I've eaten and what I'd like to eat
Keeper? If she can make a schabowy sure, why not. As for my dating, I don't. Yet. I hope.
Haha, I can make a schabowy - no need for her to.
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ok so this decent looking girl I'm trying to bang uses a perfume that I'm not a fan of (I've smelled it before so it's probably somewhat popular, unfortuately). Anyways I need suggestions to make her change it....
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If you're already intimate enough, just say you don't like her perfume and ask if she is willing to go on a date to find a new one.
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On May 06 2013 04:44 sambo400 wrote:Show nested quote +On May 06 2013 04:26 HardlyNever wrote:
Going to ask this girl I work with on a lunch "date" (although I don't really consider it a date) this week. Ostensibly we have a lot in common and she seems to be giving me signals (but she could just be being nice).
Will update later this week. I can never tell the difference
Yeah she has one of those bubbly/cute personalities that I generally find attractive, but it makes it impossible to differentiate her being especially into you or just being her standard emphatic self.
She is one of those people that most things she says and even writes has exclamation points at the end. I guess I'll know by the end of the week.
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OK, I'm going to ask some questions about dating sites, or maybe it'll just be one.
I found a profile of a lady on a site who seems pretty lovely in about every way to me and in October, I sent her a 'kiss'.
On the site, it's free to sign up and you can send 'kisses' (unlimited) that just show interest without a real message, though you can choose one to ask if they'd like you to email them/would like to chat/like to be friends, you know, a little specific but no real communication, but you have to pay to email or use chat.
Now back in October I sent her a 'kiss', thought we'd get along pretty well and there was a fair chance she'd recognise we might well get along well, but got no response (you can choose one out of various an [Interested/Not interested/Update profile or pictures please] options as a free response)...until early March where she sent me one back.
Basically emailed her, a bit witty, light-hearted, not really long or short, just a bit of chat, a little more detail about things in my profile and asking a little about her, pretty friendly and not opinionated (so I wouldn't expect no response because it's not like there's really anything to be really judgemental about if opinions/tastes differed), besides which she already supposedly liked my profile...but I got no response (that was early April).
So
1) Any particular thoughts or comments on this?
and
2) I've read a lot of reviews about sites with MANY men and some women here and there typing how there really seem to be many "fake profiles".
At first that sort of talk sounds like they're just not having luck matching up with similar types/are very unattractive trying to date the apparent cream of the crop but then you see the sheer number and read about how some profiles that RECIPROCATED INTEREST then don't reply after the guy has paid for the ability to send emails (extortionate costs but I thought I'd try it once -__-") and some of the females aren't even attractive or have detailed/decent profiles...
Has anyone else received interest from what seemed like someone reasonably suitable that showed interest and then didn't reply (regardless of site system) or anything similar?
It's just so odd. It could be some reason such as, girl loses interest, girl is shy and very hesitant (does say she is shy and requires patience but no reply? :S), but I also wonder about things like:
- Is it a fake account for profit made by site admins/owners to encourage people to buy pay to contact (and encourage subsequent payments through "requiring patience") yet having no intention of even replying for free (person replying replies for free)
- Is it someone using profiles to boost their ego by getting attention with no intention of dating people on the site?
- Information farmers trying to con people into telling to much (without needing to be all-out scammers trying to con people into stupid "help my dying father in Madagascar" ploys)?
- Any chance the site owners/admins (there to make a profit, of course) recognise we might actually get along well enough so that we might leave the site (having found good enough company at least) and thus block communication at least one way (all mine to her, so she never even got the October 2012 'kiss'), to protect their potential profits to be reaped by people contacting (at least) her?
I know that might be hopeful (about her interest in me) but it's their site so definitely possible if the emails go elsewhere before being sent on, as they are sent through the site, not you own Gmail/yahoo/hotmail etc.)
Thoughts? Experiences? Statistics on # of fake accounts or anything like that? ^^"
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On May 06 2013 06:44 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On May 06 2013 06:23 Orcasgt24 wrote:On May 06 2013 06:18 Shady Sands wrote:
So right after our first date, she went grocery shopping... started texting me random quesitons about what I've eaten and what I'd like to eat
Keeper?
EDIT: now she's texting me photos of what she's making for dinner Does the food look good? Cooking skill, in my books anyways, is more then sufficent to warrent a serious attempt at keeping! Oh yeah it does. Quiche with bacon, mushrooms, and sriracha sauce
Bacon, shrooms and sriracha... What are you waiting for man?!
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On May 06 2013 05:41 W2 wrote:
On that same note, what are some ways to get a girl to put away their phone? Like in a jokingly/playful sort of way
That's really weird. Are we talking the occasional glance to see if something's come through, or having full-on textathons with a friend mid-date?
Honestly, I've never had a girl sit and do that. I'd find it pretty rude even if a random friend did it during coffee or whatever.
On May 06 2013 06:25 rezoacken wrote:Show nested quote +On May 06 2013 05:41 W2 wrote:
On that same note, what are some ways to get a girl to put away their phone? Like in a jokingly/playful sort of way In the end anyway its the same as saying she's disrespectful (with reason) so you will have to stand your ground and resume conversation to kill the awkwardness that may come out of it. You can also ask if she is waiting for something really important, it happens (family member in hospital, etc), but the last evening of her bff can wait.
This would probably be how I'd start. Just ask if something's up, and when she inevitably says "lol no" and continues texting, I'd suggest - gently, and with a smile - that maybe it could wait, then. And I'd have the next topic ready to follow.
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Met new girl, invited her over after I explained how awesome I make blanket forts. I'm 22yr btw and fuck you forts are awesome at all ages. Blacklights and glowsticks etc and probably some cards and music. She brings her friend but idc didn't expect anything too major to happen tbh.
Anyway... night went good, first time we actually hung out and it gets x-rated by the end of the night while the friend is still awake. Won't go into details but the jist of it was I didn't get much sleep.
She starts calling me babe and hun and shit and giving me the heart symbol (never reciprocated anything and ignored it when I could). She's txting me a ton and using all those words less than like 48hours later.
<.< red sirens are going off in my head when she asks me if we are a couple now. I'm now thinking how/when I should bail.
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On May 06 2013 08:08 HardlyNever wrote:Show nested quote +On May 06 2013 04:44 sambo400 wrote:On May 06 2013 04:26 HardlyNever wrote:
Going to ask this girl I work with on a lunch "date" (although I don't really consider it a date) this week. Ostensibly we have a lot in common and she seems to be giving me signals (but she could just be being nice).
Will update later this week. I can never tell the difference Yeah she has one of those bubbly/cute personalities that I generally find attractive, but it makes it impossible to differentiate her being especially into you or just being her standard emphatic self. She is one of those people that most things she says and even writes has exclamation points at the end. I guess I'll know by the end of the week.
Just assume she's into you. It gives you a little confidence boost.
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On May 06 2013 08:35 Fuchsteufelswild wrote:
OK, I'm going to ask some questions about dating sites, or maybe it'll just be one.
I found a profile of a lady on a site who seems pretty lovely in about every way to me and in October, I sent her a 'kiss'.
On the site, it's free to sign up and you can send 'kisses' (unlimited) that just show interest without a real message, though you can choose one to ask if they'd like you to email them/would like to chat/like to be friends, you know, a little specific but no real communication, but you have to pay to email or use chat.
Now back in October I sent her a 'kiss', thought we'd get along pretty well and there was a fair chance she'd recognise we might well get along well, but got no response (you can choose one out of various an [Interested/Not interested/Update profile or pictures please] options as a free response)...until early March where she sent me one back.
Basically emailed her, a bit witty, light-hearted, not really long or short, just a bit of chat, a little more detail about things in my profile and asking a little about her, pretty friendly and not opinionated (so I wouldn't expect no response because it's not like there's really anything to be really judgemental about if opinions/tastes differed), besides which she already supposedly liked my profile...but I got no response (that was early April).
So
1) Any particular thoughts or comments on this?
and
2) I've read a lot of reviews about sites with MANY men and some women here and there typing how there really seem to be many "fake profiles".
At first that sort of talk sounds like they're just not having luck matching up with similar types/are very unattractive trying to date the apparent cream of the crop but then you see the sheer number and read about how some profiles that RECIPROCATED INTEREST then don't reply after the guy has paid for the ability to send emails (extortionate costs but I thought I'd try it once -__-") and some of the females aren't even attractive or have detailed/decent profiles...
Has anyone else received interest from what seemed like someone reasonably suitable that showed interest and then didn't reply (regardless of site system) or anything similar?
It's just so odd. It could be some reason such as, girl loses interest, girl is shy and very hesitant (does say she is shy and requires patience but no reply? :S), but I also wonder about things like:
- Is it a fake account for profit made by site admins/owners to encourage people to buy pay to contact (and encourage subsequent payments through "requiring patience") yet having no intention of even replying for free (person replying replies for free)
- Is it someone using profiles to boost their ego by getting attention with no intention of dating people on the site?
- Information farmers trying to con people into telling to much (without needing to be all-out scammers trying to con people into stupid "help my dying father in Madagascar" ploys)?
- Any chance the site owners/admins (there to make a profit, of course) recognise we might actually get along well enough so that we might leave the site (having found good enough company at least) and thus block communication at least one way (all mine to her, so she never even got the October 2012 'kiss'), to protect their potential profits to be reaped by people contacting (at least) her?
I know that might be hopeful (about her interest in me) but it's their site so definitely possible if the emails go elsewhere before being sent on, as they are sent through the site, not you own Gmail/yahoo/hotmail etc.)
Thoughts? Experiences? Statistics on # of fake accounts or anything like that? ^^"
Here are my thoughts based on my own experience.
First, I'd just look for the most popular dating site around and stick with it. It must also feel serious. If you get winks, a shitty interface or advertises that there are more women than men do not bother. Of course avoid all the stuff saying you'll get laid instantly and all these garbage.
You asked if there was fake accounts to encourage men to subscribe. That is true but it has not been my experience with good dating site, only the bad ones. Not only there are fake accounts but there are also some escorts on the crappiest ones.
So... just look around for the best one in your language and you'll probably have to suscribe to really be able to experience it... The kiss mechanic you described is a very common one but in my experience it just doesn't work and you'll have to get a subscription to get something out of it.
Now about the hard truth:
In every online site there are more men than women, by a vast amount. 3:1 ratio wouldn't be a bad guess ! No matter what the website says.
So if you want to hit you'll have to stand out.
Kisses and Winks do not make you stand out. It makes you one of the 10guys a day that a girl get winks from.
Therefore a subscription is often necessary.
Want proof ? Just create a woman profile with a semi-cute picture. You'll understand. I did and its astonishing.
The good news is most of the profiles are crap and the message not better.
It's not that hard to be above 90% of the competition on these. If you're interested into my thoughts on this, ask for it in your next post in this thread.
Finally, remember that online dating is a number game. One girl flaking is nothing. If you get one of every ten girl interested you're a pimp and would have enough girlfriends to make a harem anyway. So no matter what website you use, you'll get rejected or ignored a lot.
In the end, you'll want to avoid websites based on smile/kiss/wink mechanics. These just suck. They do not allow you to differentiate yourself from the crowd, they base everything on your profile picture and require no investment from the girl. Go for a website that lets you directly send a message with no further gimmicks.
The simpler and straightforward the website is, the better. As long as its popular enough in your country.
PS: it also depends on your age range. If you're around 18, online dating is just not very good imo but it has a lot of potential above 24. I'd say the reason is that when girl do not go out as much as in their early 20ies or are tired to meet people in bars they'll be more receptive to the idea of online dating.
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EPT
