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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On May 04 2013 12:48 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 10:18 Luepert wrote:
My tale just ended. It began with the first date of my life, then my first dance, now she just told me she can't have a relationship in such short a time and over such a long distance. Worst part is she was in America for a year and I only made a move in the last month and she said that if we had more time she definitely would have dated me and we could have been something. Feeling pretty horrible right now, my first rejection and all, but it's kind of good to have a little closure. Don't, it's not over yet, you guys def have a connection to build off of. If you ever run into her in the future, you have the option to go for it. It's like those little food caches explorers used to bury near the arctic circle... now she has a chance of being there when you're cold and miserable and lonely
She doesn't want a long distance relationship with such a small base. If I'm ever if Finland or she's in America, I'll ask her to coffee to catch up. But at this point, hanging onto something in the hopes of an off chance we may run into each other again is far from productive or healthy. Maybe I'll continue to talk to her online, but if the relationship didn't fully form in person, it might be hard to make a solid relationship online.
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On May 04 2013 19:43 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 19:13 biology]major wrote:On May 04 2013 17:29 sunprince wrote:On May 04 2013 07:34 TuPiR wrote:On May 04 2013 05:07 sunprince wrote:
...
If you don't like who you are, and would rather be like someone else, there's always the option to aspire to be better. Do we tell StarCraft players to just play like themselves, or do we teach them how to play more like Jaedong, Flash, and Bisu?
...
I think the real problem here is that a lot of this advice amounts to teaching guys how to cannon rush at a high level. Yeah, you're technically playing the same game, and your win percentage may even be pretty high, but you're not getting nearly as much out of it as you could. Well, I do agree with this, actually. That's why I'm not giving PUA advice like "hit on lots of girls". Instead, I'm telling people to work on themselves, akin to suggesting that a StarCraft player should practice their mechanics and build orders. but instead of 3 races, theres infinite because each of us are different with unique experiences. So that's about as specific advice that you can give --> "just work on yourself". They have to figure out what that means, which is why posting any advice through a forum is pointless (unless you are some sort of twin and can relate perfectly to the other person lol). Just because people are unique doesn't mean there aren't substantial similarities. I do agree that all advice must be adapted to your own circumstances (particularly if your experiences are very different, e.g. TLers from different countries must adapt any advice accordingly). However, understanding and acting upon general concepts such as attraction, sexual market value, and female hypergamy, will all improve your dating success. So I would argue that it's more like we are all playing StarCraft on different maps in different metas, but good mechanics and game theory will always improve your odds. On that same vein, watching other people's games and learning from their play is definitely possible, once you take into account the fact that you're playing on a different map and in a different meta. Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 19:13 biology]major wrote:
Edit: basically if you want to change and aspire to be someone better, you have to do it on your own through your own experiences. Key word = experiences Sure, but that doesn't mean you can't learn from observing the experiences of others.
Not at all, people watch streams all the time, but they suck at the game. Same deal except advice over the internet is even more diluted and generalized. Think about it, you are seeing everything a pro player does, and you even see their reasoning for it in most streams. They literally explain everything, but the people watching will still not be good at the game, and I would even argue that the knowledge passed on by the streamer actually makes the player watching worse. The reason for this is learning is done through experience mostly, not through listening, or watching. I am not arguing that self improvement is not impossible, or a waste of time, rather that it has created an industry meant to tell people what they want to hear and just give them hope. The truth however, is the exact opposite from the things taught here or on other sites, and that is learned through individual experience.
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I got no love D=. Where to start.
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United Kingdom36160 Posts
On May 04 2013 20:05 Luepert wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 12:48 Shady Sands wrote:On May 04 2013 10:18 Luepert wrote:
My tale just ended. It began with the first date of my life, then my first dance, now she just told me she can't have a relationship in such short a time and over such a long distance. Worst part is she was in America for a year and I only made a move in the last month and she said that if we had more time she definitely would have dated me and we could have been something. Feeling pretty horrible right now, my first rejection and all, but it's kind of good to have a little closure. Don't, it's not over yet, you guys def have a connection to build off of. If you ever run into her in the future, you have the option to go for it. It's like those little food caches explorers used to bury near the arctic circle... now she has a chance of being there when you're cold and miserable and lonely She doesn't want a long distance relationship with such a small base. If I'm ever if Finland or she's in America, I'll ask her to coffee to catch up. But at this point, hanging onto something in the hopes of an off chance we may run into each other again is far from productive or healthy. Maybe I'll continue to talk to her online, but if the relationship didn't fully form in person, it might be hard to make a solid relationship online.
I don't know why you're taking what happened as 'rejection'. That's not really what it was at all so don't look at it that way.
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Northern Ireland24427 Posts
Anyway, I'll tell you something I noticed. Ok they may be a bit aggressive sometimes, but both prince and evo to me, over the internet appear to be interesting, self-confident guys. Some of the posters looking for advice, or a few of them giving it, don't come across as attractive people, at all.
This isn't a dig, but I mean if you're coming across as self-pitying and frankly in some cases, pretty pathetic over the internet, to me, a socially atypical Starcraft fan, I don't see why the women in your lives will not get some of the same impression.
Granted people have different feelings and desires (plus sexual/gender dynamics are different between the sexes), but if you're questioning your approach, or are wondering why some girls aren't going for you, do some mental gymnastics and think if a girl was acting towards you, the way you do towards her, would you welcome it?
Frankly, the whole woman thing is a bit overrated anyway, it's boring to prattle on about it all the time. Your friends, family, and especially your outside interests are important things to work on as well if you want any kind of rounded, sustainable existence. Having a partner enhances your life if you have all of these things and are content to some degree with things, a partner is not a magical fix that makes your life wonderful if you're not happy with it.
I've been up on spawn-rearing duty for like, 15 hours today, so when my brain returns to some semblance of functionality I'll have a crack of a proper post here.
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I desire to convey the standard jubilant process response as a direct function of the adequate physical state of your child unit. Please transmit my well wishes to your reproductive liaison.
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On May 04 2013 21:17 McBengt wrote:
I desire to convey the standard jubilant process response as a direct function of the adequate physical state of your child unit. Please transmit my well wishes to your reproductive liaison. I'm not sure why, but I read this in that "portal" voice.
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On May 04 2013 21:25 We Are Here wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 21:17 McBengt wrote:
I desire to convey the standard jubilant process response as a direct function of the adequate physical state of your child unit. Please transmit my well wishes to your reproductive liaison. I'm not sure why, but I read this in that "portal" voice.
haha these posts are awesome. Well stated, well stated!
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I need advice, by which I mean I don´t need advice, but attention and possibly admiration.
I´m in a kind of tricky situation. There´s this girl at college and she´s pretty cute. She works in the library or the canteen or some café, whereever cute chicks pretend to work while looking for cool guys. She´s been kind of smiling and looking at me, which is nothing special, because it happens to me all the time. So, normally I wouldn´t mind. She´s really shy and has sent me only a couple of nude pics. But she seems kind of desperate and I´m afraid she could become obsessed with me, never wanting another man in her life. Now, my girlfriend is currently away for work, because of her modeling and so I was thinking: Should I just get it over with and give her the sex she so craves from me? Or should I wait for my model gf to return and then have a threesome. I really don´t care, so it´s hard to decide what to do.
And what if they start fooling around and become lesbian, do I have to turn them back, like immediately, or should I let them play for a while. These things can be so hard, sigh. What do you guys think?
About myself, well, I don´t like to write about myself, but I guess I have to for you to understand my feelings properly. All my friends say I´m totally awesome. I play the guitar like a pro, write poetry like a Poe, am ripped and don´t care what other people think.
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@Daswollvieh Bring them together, like a play date and see how it takes off. But do not, I repeat: do not let them bring Lego:s into your bed.
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On May 04 2013 22:04 lungic wrote:
@Daswollvieh Bring them together, like a play date and see how it takes off. But do not, I repeat: do not let them bring Lego:s into your bed.
lol, maybe I´ll do. But I never heard leggo when I brought one into my bed, except in a no means yes way.
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So how about a true soap opera story from me :D
It all started about 9 months ago. My computer broke and i was left with a shitty laptop so it was the end from gaming for me. I already was playing less and less and i really didnt have the feel for gaming anymore (i have casted over 100h of sc2 in estonian - also i participated in simracing years 2008-2011. I sometimes did about 300laps/2weeks + race. I gamed a lot). But losing gaming had its effect on me. Most of my friends were from there and i wasnt a real party animal, i did go out to party about 2-3 times a month.
So now i had a shitty laptop and nothing to do. In about 2-3 months i found a solution. I started to get along with one girl in FB. And we talked a lot. Average about 350lines/day. After 3-4 years of gaming i started to become social again. (Very important note: i dont think gaming is bad, i had a lot of fun doing it and i had WAY less problems than i have now) So soon i also got along with 2 other girls too. I talked with all of them, about 200lines/day average. They all are very beautiful so it was great selfconfidence boost i guess. But because i am very tall (205cm, about 6 8 or something?) so i didnt really get too attached. But things were to change.
So we 4 started to get along very well, we hanged around at school and for some strange reason i ended up in clubs with them sometimes. In the club the next thing happend. One of them, who i started to like a lot, was left with me alone on the dance floor, other 2 left. So we just danced and danced. And i thought to myself: "Why didnt she leave etc, might she like me - this was actualy quite stupid to think...). Very important fact: i knew all 3 of them had boyfriends (but i aint beeta!!!). So yes i had a lot of fun and more talking and talking.
So the bday of my "loved one" came. Ofcourse i went and chilled around. All of the 3 girls had their BFs there, so obviously we couldnt hang out like we usually do. There i met the "loved ones" sister...she is a junior in my highschool, i am a senior. We talked and i think we clicked a bit...things were getting more and more strange for me, i did not know what to think. I talked to the "loved one" about her sister in a jokingly fashion and she said "You cant take her out, she is underaged" ... well crap ... didnt know if i want to lose 3 friends to maybe gain 1 girlfriend. But the talking didnt stop...it continued with all of them, and even just a little bit with the "loved ones" sister.
So one day, i was watching F1 home and drinking some cider (sorry, i like ciders). After a few, the "loved one", said in facebook "come over and make me dinner". She was joking ofcourse but because i was kinda bored (it was saturday, so only qualification) and maybe a bit drunk i got up and went to her (she lives 5km away from me). I got to her place and we went to the store to get stuff and then we cooked. It was kinda amasing. Then we just chilled and i talked on her FB a bit with some people and made some jokes. Next monday she said to the other 2 that "I cant be around -inimene- because i laught too much and my abs hurt afterwards". I was thinking...this might even go somewhere???
So after a week or so i got really depressed. I cant even say why but i just was. (i am really melodramatic person...worse than most of the girls :D ) Anyhow so i was sad for few days and then we had this big big singingparty in our town. About 15000 participants in the audience...it is quite big for my little country. Anyhow i went there and i hanged out with 2 of the 3 girls, my "loved one" was one of them. I sat sidebyside with her and it started to rain. I didnt have umbrella and neither did she so we just kept together and i sang to her (i can sing quite good). We had a lot of fun. Some moment i was like "why cant i use your hair for an umbrella?" (her long blonde hair was main topic of many of our conversations) She didnt mind at all so i took her hair and put it on my head...we were close enought all night to do it so nothing changed(thats really close). I took her hair of me, but then we went under her scarf. It had a nice scent on it. We were close all night. So i think i broke and really started to like her.
The next day i said it to her and she kinda crushed my heart and soul by saying: "Ok..." (and nothing moreeee, she just changed the topic) So .... that sucked balls. But then...i talked some more with her sister. She was even a bit taller than the "loved one". (about 175-176cm, so good enought for me) And again, i found her funny and good company. So i again thought about asking her out...and an opportunity prevailed. I was joking again with the loved one about asking her sister out and she was like "do it for the lulz" or "i want to see the reaction". And so i did :D And she said quite reasonable yes....i hope she didnt think i was drunk or something ( it was last night, we said we will go hunting for tickets monday, so i will confirm then)
And here my soap opra ends now. I left few holes in it and not so melodramatic as it really is but still it is a strange story that is still going on. I will update this post when i get some new info to share.
Sorry for the bad grammar and writing style!
BTW: Pro tip, ask girls out first chance you think you should. When she rejects and is cool you can be friends, and when she doesnt...hurray
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On May 04 2013 20:26 marvellosity wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 20:05 Luepert wrote:On May 04 2013 12:48 Shady Sands wrote:On May 04 2013 10:18 Luepert wrote:
My tale just ended. It began with the first date of my life, then my first dance, now she just told me she can't have a relationship in such short a time and over such a long distance. Worst part is she was in America for a year and I only made a move in the last month and she said that if we had more time she definitely would have dated me and we could have been something. Feeling pretty horrible right now, my first rejection and all, but it's kind of good to have a little closure. Don't, it's not over yet, you guys def have a connection to build off of. If you ever run into her in the future, you have the option to go for it. It's like those little food caches explorers used to bury near the arctic circle... now she has a chance of being there when you're cold and miserable and lonely She doesn't want a long distance relationship with such a small base. If I'm ever if Finland or she's in America, I'll ask her to coffee to catch up. But at this point, hanging onto something in the hopes of an off chance we may run into each other again is far from productive or healthy. Maybe I'll continue to talk to her online, but if the relationship didn't fully form in person, it might be hard to make a solid relationship online. I don't know why you're taking what happened as 'rejection'. That's not really what it was at all so don't look at it that way.
I asked for a relationship and she said no. I count that as rejection.
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United Kingdom36160 Posts
On May 05 2013 06:24 Luepert wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 20:26 marvellosity wrote:On May 04 2013 20:05 Luepert wrote:On May 04 2013 12:48 Shady Sands wrote:On May 04 2013 10:18 Luepert wrote:
My tale just ended. It began with the first date of my life, then my first dance, now she just told me she can't have a relationship in such short a time and over such a long distance. Worst part is she was in America for a year and I only made a move in the last month and she said that if we had more time she definitely would have dated me and we could have been something. Feeling pretty horrible right now, my first rejection and all, but it's kind of good to have a little closure. Don't, it's not over yet, you guys def have a connection to build off of. If you ever run into her in the future, you have the option to go for it. It's like those little food caches explorers used to bury near the arctic circle... now she has a chance of being there when you're cold and miserable and lonely She doesn't want a long distance relationship with such a small base. If I'm ever if Finland or she's in America, I'll ask her to coffee to catch up. But at this point, hanging onto something in the hopes of an off chance we may run into each other again is far from productive or healthy. Maybe I'll continue to talk to her online, but if the relationship didn't fully form in person, it might be hard to make a solid relationship online. I don't know why you're taking what happened as 'rejection'. That's not really what it was at all so don't look at it that way. I asked for a relationship and she said no. I count that as rejection.
because she was about to go halfway around the world. She rejected the circumstances and not you, really.
edit: inimenesc, I enjoyed the story ^^
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Northern Ireland24427 Posts
On May 04 2013 21:25 We Are Here wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 21:17 McBengt wrote:
I desire to convey the standard jubilant process response as a direct function of the adequate physical state of your child unit. Please transmit my well wishes to your reproductive liaison. I'm not sure why, but I read this in that "portal" voice.
The genetic-code recipient and spawn nurse appreciates your kind words. Where is my costume btw? Hope it hasn't been intercepted by postal workers
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Has the fair maiden then finally thawed her heart to my tender affections? I am beyond delight. As for the raiment, it was unfortunately intercepted by a customs inspector with an odd taste in swimwear.
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Northern Ireland24427 Posts
The ice maiden's shroud of ice has been softened by your radiant warmth
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Inimenesc, how big is the age gap between you? I assumed it was only 1 year because of the difference in school years, but you said she was underage? Are you just on the border?
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The age gap is 3 years (that is actually ok i think :D the "loved one"s BF is 3.5 years older than her)
But...she is almost 17...and i am half way to 20....yeah its a big gap :D but fuck it, i will still go out if she comes :D
There will me more to this story i believe...ill update you in a week or so :D
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inimenesc you realise you are like one of the girls to them right?
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EPT
