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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On May 03 2013 22:45 Shady Sands wrote: So, um, went to the bank yesterday and the obviously married teller gave me her number on the back of my deposit slip. Should I hit it? If she is indeed married, then absolutely not. Married women are a minefield. Ever been accused of rape to cover up infidelity? That said, how did you conclude she is "obviously married"? | ||
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McBengt
Sweden1684 Posts
On May 04 2013 05:07 sunprince wrote: If you don't like who you are, and would rather be like someone else, there's always the option to aspire to be better. Do we tell StarCraft players to just play like themselves, or do we teach them how to play more like Jaedong, Flash, and Bisu? For some reason, people are fundamentally opposed to self-improvement when it comes to guys becoming more attractive. The only remotely comparable phenomenon is when fatties hate on someone who is successfully losing weight. People aren't "meant" for anything. There is no future but what we make. If you're unattractive or socially awkward, work on it! A relationship is something that you can probabilistically increase your chances of having by improving yourself. This is in addition to all the other benefits to improving yourself. Why not do so, instead of giving up? Maybe I should have clarified, that was not really about me, more an observation on how much of the pain of the people in this thread seems to come from not being the person they wish to be, or believe others would find attractive. I am quite content with some peace and quiet to focus on my studies, the only woman I had any interest in was an insane lesbian finnish hockey player who nearly broke my nose, puked on my sofa, farted in face on regular occasions and damn near got me arrested. Good times. | ||
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Shady Sands
United States4021 Posts
On May 04 2013 05:15 sunprince wrote: If she is indeed married, then absolutely not. Married women are a minefield. Ever been accused of rape to cover up infidelity? Holy shit this would make an awesome short story or film idea - no, I have not. That said, how did you conclude she is "obviously married"? Wedding ring. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On May 04 2013 05:15 aTnClouD wrote: People will go long ways and find the stupidest reason to cry in their little pool of tears rather than working on themselves and get better with hard work Pretty much this. But on top of that, there's also people who have been shamed and socially conditioned to believe in lies. Lies like "be yourself", told by people who benefit from keeping others down. One of the reasons why women have such a huge upper hand in modern dating is that they aren't lied to like that. If a woman wants dating advice she can easily find people telling her how to improve her sexual marketplace value via of fashion and make-up advice. Yet the second a guy wants dating advice he instead gets bombarded by bullshit telling him to stay the same and pray that a woman finds him attractive. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On May 04 2013 05:19 McBengt wrote: Maybe I should have clarified, that was not really about me, more an observation on how much of the pain of the people in this thread seems to come from not being the person they wish to be, or believe others would find attractive. I know. My point is, those people have a choice. Then can either give up and learn to happy with who they are, or they can refuse to accept that and make themselves into a better, more attractive person. I advocate for the latter. On May 04 2013 05:19 McBengt wrote: I am quite content with some peace and quiet to focus on my studies, the only woman I had any interest in was an insane lesbian finnish hockey player who nearly broke my nose, puked on my sofa, farted in face on regular occasions and damn near got me arrested. Good times. That's up to you. But it would be nice if you didn't troll the people who haven't given up yet. | ||
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-VapidSlug-
United States108 Posts
On May 04 2013 05:15 sunprince wrote:Ever been accused of rape to cover up infidelity? My drill Sgt. told us about one of his earlier AIT recruits that would abstain unless the woman signed a "pre-coital" contract, which stated both parties consented to various acts. He found quite a stack of them during an inspection. Hilarious, but I guess if you are that much of a lady's man you can get away with it. | ||
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Misaka
United Kingdom32 Posts
On May 04 2013 05:15 aTnClouD wrote: People will go long ways and find the stupidest reason to cry in their little pool of tears rather than working on themselves and get better with hard work For the billionth time. No one is saying don't work on yourself. People are saying if you arn't the kind of person who goes to the gym or cares about exercise, then don't go to the gym just because you want to look hot. They are saying if you like books, then read a ton of books so you have loads of cool literature to talk about. People are saying if you are a naturally quiet person, don't pretend to be all loud and confident just to look hot. You can work on yourself and improve the things YOU care about, and you will STILL be sexy. You don't have to do all this other stuff that people tell you girls go for because not every girl goes for that. Personally, I the things I consider to be important to me are videogames, intelligence, social justice, and physical beauty. If i'm not having much luck with the ladies, I'll play a ton of videogames and get good at them, work harder to make myself brighter, read a ton of articles on feminism and equality, and work on my appearance. That way when I meet someone, I can play on the fact that I have lots to say about social justice and videogames, I say it intelligently, and I look good. If the things that are important to you are upper body strength, football, confidence and cooking, then go to the gym, practice football, go out and talk to people to improve your confidence and then come home and practice cooking. You'll be sexy because you're strong, good at football, confident and can cook, just like I'll be sexy b ecause I'm good at videogames, I know loads about social justice, I'm reasonably intelligent and okay looking. I don't want to play football or improve my upper body strenght or learn to cook because these things arn't important to me. I don't want to change who I am, just like you shouldn't change who you are. You can improve at the things you like without changing those things. End of the day, some people don't care about how they look, for example, or their health. thats okay and you can still find a girl but you have to be sexy in other ways. Now can we PLEASE stop this "everyone so lazy dont want to improve blah blah blah" bullshit because it's fucking tiresome. Disclaimer: I realise you can't boil people down to simple, easy to compartmentalise characteristics like this, but you se what I'm getting at. Edit: and to the people using the sc2 analogy of "we dont train people to play more like themself, we train them to play more like jaedong and naniwa" or whoever. Firstly, people do still play to their strengths, people who are better at micro and worse at macro, are (to my knowledge?) encouraged to go towards micro orientated builds, wheras people who are better at macro are encouraged to take games to the lategame where they are better. You improve the stuff you are good at, and then make the game play out in a way that emphasises your strengths. Secondly, it's not a very good analogy, in that "play like such-and-such" involves something like learning a different build, not changing your personality, coupled with the fact that the goal in sc2 is to win a many games as possible, not to be happy, wheras the goal in life is to be happy, not to date as many girls as you can before you die. At least, that's how I'm playing it. Dunno about you guys. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On May 04 2013 05:22 Shady Sands wrote: Holy shit this would make an awesome short story or film idea - no, I have not. Might as well base it on the Duke lacrosse case, where the fale rape accuser in question was hiding her gangbang from her boyfriend by accusing three innocent students of rape. Eh. Sometimes those are unreliable indicators. She could be wearing one despite not being married, such as for social reasons, or she might be separated/divorced. Still, better to be safe than sorry. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On May 04 2013 05:30 -VapidSlug- wrote: My drill Sgt. told us about one of his earlier AIT recruits that would abstain unless the woman signed a "pre-coital" contract, which stated both parties consented to various acts. He found quite a stack of them during an inspection. Hilarious, but I guess if you are that much of a lady's man you can get away with it. The sad part is that it doesn't protect you. A woman can claim that she changed her mind during coitus, and that you continued, so therefore you raped her. The only guaranteed way of protecting yourself is to record everything with a camera. | ||
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Toxi78
966 Posts
On May 04 2013 05:35 Misaka wrote: For the billionth time. No one is saying don't work on yourself. People are saying if you arn't the kind of person who goes to the gym or cares about exercise, then don't go to the gym just because you want to look hot. They are saying if you like books, then read a ton of books so you have loads of cool literature to talk about. People are saying if you are a naturally quiet person, don't pretend to be all loud and confident just to look hot. You can work on yourself and improve the things YOU care about, and you will STILL be sexy. You don't have to do all this other stuff that people tell you girls go for because not every girl goes for that. Personally, I the things I consider to be important to me are videogames, intelligence, social justice, and physical beauty. If i'm not having much luck with the ladies, I'll play a ton of videogames and get good at them, work harder to make myself brighter, read a ton of articles on feminism and equality, and work on my appearance. That way when I meet someone, I can play on the fact that I have lots to say about social justice and videogames, I say it intelligently, and I look good. damn this is the perfect advice i needed, working on intelligence and physical beauty to get a girlfriend? why did i not think of that before. | ||
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McBengt
Sweden1684 Posts
On May 04 2013 05:28 sunprince wrote: I know. My point is, those people have a choice. Then can either give up and learn to happy with who they are, or they can refuse to accept that and make themselves into a better, more attractive person. I advocate for the latter. That's up to you. But it would be nice if you didn't troll the people who haven't given up yet. Is it giving up if one is at peace? Anyway, the thread was so depressing, just a bunch of people revelling in their own misery. A little perspective might be in order, having a laugh or two helps. | ||
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Salteador Neo
Andorra5591 Posts
On May 04 2013 05:27 sunprince wrote: Pretty much this. But on top of that, there's also people who have been shamed and socially conditioned to believe in lies. Lies like "be yourself", told by people who benefit from keeping others down. One of the reasons why women have such a huge upper hand in modern dating is that they aren't lied to like that. If a woman wants dating advice she can easily find people telling her how to improve her sexual marketplace value via of fashion and make-up advice. Yet the second a guy wants dating advice he instead gets bombarded by bullshit telling him to stay the same and pray that a woman finds him attractive. Wow you must be such a lonely and sad individual Oo' Being just yourself and treating a woman as if she was just any random male friend has worked much better for me than anything else, by far. And women have always had the upper hand because us men just lose our shit and think with the cock when we see a nice, sexy body lol. I would say it's on our nature, even. All that advice crap is nonsense xD | ||
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Misaka
United Kingdom32 Posts
On May 04 2013 05:43 Toxi78 wrote: damn this is the perfect advice i needed, working on intelligence and physical beauty to get a girlfriend? why did i not think of that before. Oh whatever. You know what I'm getting at. Tons of people don't give a damn whether you're attractive or smart. Hell just get an OKCupid profile and do a search, you can find thousands of girls who find intelligence a turn off. At least a chunk of those have to not care about beauty either. Even beauty is like, your own kind of beauty. What I find attractive isn't what you find attractive or anyone else finds attractive. I make myself look like I want to look, not like what a bunch of dudes on the internet say I should look like. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On May 04 2013 05:50 Salteador Neo wrote: Wow you must be such a lonely and sad individual Oo' Yes, I must be so sad and lonely with my world-class education, mixed martial artist body, and multiple girlfriends. In fact, when I take a fully paid vacation to compete at IBJJF Worlds in a few weeks, I think I'll cry about it in front of my friends and lovers who I'm bringing along to watch, instead of choking out every opponent en route to a medal. Are we done with the circumstantial ad hominems? On May 04 2013 05:50 Salteador Neo wrote: Being just yourself and treating a woman as if she was just any random male friend has worked much better for me than anything else, by far. "Just playing like myself and not changing my StarCraft build has worked better for me than anything else. You shouldn't change your build either, even though you're in this thread because you're in Bronze and want to get to Silver. Just keep doing the exact same thing that's not working for you, and eventually you'll find the right opponents so you can get promoted." On May 04 2013 05:50 Salteador Neo wrote: And women have always had the upper hand because us men just lose our shit and think with the cock when we see a nice, sexy body lol. I would say it's on our nature, even. All that advice crap is nonsense xD So if a guy has a habit of texting a girl 10 times every hour, then advice to stop doing that is nonsense too, right? Are you insisting that there is absolutely nothing that anyone can do differently to improve their dating success? | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
It means you're at peace with giving up. If a StarCraft player decides they aren't good enough to get into Silver league, and learns to be happy with Bronze, then they're still giving up, though I suppose this is better than being in Bronze and miserable. On May 04 2013 05:48 McBengt wrote: Anyway, the thread was so depressing, just a bunch of people revelling in their own misery. I little perspective might be in order, having a laugh or two helps. Hmm, point taken. | ||
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kafkaesque
Germany2006 Posts
On May 04 2013 05:07 sunprince wrote: For some reason, people are fundamentally opposed to self-improvement when it comes to guys becoming more attractive. The only remotely comparable phenomenon is when fatties hate on someone who is successfully losing weight. Except when you're fat you can lose weight. If you're ugly, that's it. There's no "self improvement", there is no training programme, no diet, no amount of dedication that can make your face less wonky, your cheek-bones less weak, your hairline less receding or your height less hobbit-esque. Sure we can get into shape, many of us do, sure we can work on being better people, but when it comes to dating, ugly guys have significant disadvantages we simply have to learn to deal with. | ||
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Misaka
United Kingdom32 Posts
On May 04 2013 06:03 kafkaesque wrote: Except when you're fat you can lose weight. If you're ugly, that's it. There's no "self improvement", there is no training programme, no diet, no amount of dedication that can make your face less wonky, your cheek-bones less weak, your hairline less receding or your height less hobbit-esque. Sure we can get into shape, many of us do, sure we can work on being better people, but when it comes to dating, ugly guys have significant disadvantages we simply have to learn to deal with. Contouring makeup can help if you have a wonky face Edit: or surgery. It's expensive, but if it's important to you... | ||
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McBengt
Sweden1684 Posts
On May 04 2013 05:57 sunprince wrote: It means you're at peace with giving up. If a StarCraft player decides they aren't good enough to get into Silver league, and learns to be happy with Bronze, then they're still giving up, though I suppose this is better than being in Bronze and miserable. Hmm, point taken. Giving up would suggest the desire to advance to silver league still exists. What if the player has been to silver league and simply found it to be a waste of time and energy, with little reward? If lack of success in this area is causing such distress, focusing on others could prove more productive. It will take your mind off of being unsatisfied and help you through distraction, if nothing else. The human mind is very adaptable, almost any situation can be turned into rote, so I dunno, build a car, learn a language, take up cricket. It may help with some balance, and peace. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On May 04 2013 06:03 kafkaesque wrote: Except when you're fat you can lose weight. If you're ugly, that's it. There's no "self improvement", there is no training programme, no diet, no amount of dedication that can make your face less wonky, your cheek-bones less weak, your hairline less receding or your height less hobbit-esque. Except that physical attractiveness is not the only thing that makes a man attractive. You're projecting your own preferences on women. Most women are much less shallow than men when it comes to attraction. As a man, your value comes from a number of things, and if you're struggling in one area you can make it up in another. Getting in shape also helps with the ugliness problem. Your face will look better once the fat starts getting replaced by lean muscle gains, and your build will certainly look less hobbit-esque with muscle. There's also good use of fashion to draw attention away from those issues (there's plenty of ways to look badass while you're bald), and plastic surgery in extreme cases, provided you've been successful with your career. On May 04 2013 06:03 kafkaesque wrote: Sure we can get into shape, many of us do, sure we can work on being better people, but when it comes to dating, ugly guys have significant disadvantages we simply have to learn to deal with. Yes, but you can make up for it in other ways. | ||
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Shady Sands
United States4021 Posts
Girls are a lot more impressed with money, social standing, and charisma + confidence - not the sort of competitive confidence that screams 'I'm a winner' but the sort of cooperative confidence that says 'I'm good enough to benefit if other people win, and I try to make everyone win' | ||
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