We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
I'm pretty sure people with a minimum of intelligence are able to understand any advice given here doesn't apply to everybody nor is guaranteed to work. Also, there isn't a unique solution. It's also the sum of many advices, sometimes which contradict themselves. Up to the reader to get what he can from it.
Everything said, should be judged on whether its relevant or not, whether you're confortable with it or not.
However, I'm kind of annoyed when someone comes in, says everybody is spewing bullshit and the only thing he says is:"just be yourself". I'm pretty sure guys that have been alone for 20+ years are very happy to hear that advice.
The point is, people are giving such general advice about people they don't even know... It just can't be applicable. Or at least is very unlikely too. Just look a few posts up and you see all that "Don't overdo the compliments" thing... For a lot of people, particularly ones with low self esteem, regular compliments is really important.
"Be yourself" is really the only advice anyone CAN give. The fact is, if someone is boring, or unattractive, or kind of a dick then it's going to be tough to find a partner. That's just life. I sympathise, I can be a total asshole sometimes when I speak without thinking and have upset friends and girlfriends that way, plus I'm not particularly attractive, so it's been tough to find girlfriends in the past. I really do sympathise. The fact is though, if someone isn't into you, then you can't change that by complimenting them more or less, or having more or less friends. They're just not into you.
There's stuff you can do for the future, for sure. Make yourself more attractive, for example. If you have bad skin, exfoliate every day, cleanse every day, and moisturise twice a day. Then learn to use makeup a bit. A tiny bit of foundation and powder on a guy is totally unnoticable if you do it right (so don't worry about people thinking you are gay!) and will make your skin look a lot better. If your lips are dry and cracked, buy a good lip balm (superdrug do a really great one in a tub, I'll check it's name tonight) and apply it once an hour or so. Or, you know... maybe if you think your conversational skills are letting you down, you could go travel or something, do something fun so you have a bunch of stories to tell, which might make it easier. Who knows, in the end it all just depends on the person though. Some girls don't care if you have bad skin, or if you are good at making conversation. Some girls don't care if you're too shy because they find super confident people intimidating. It's all up to the individual what they're into. I just think, unless you're trying to build yourself around a specific girl (which anyone can see is a bad idea) the only advice anyone can ever give is just, relax, don't overthink stuff... be yourself, if you like. If you want to make adjustments to how you appear, that's great, and doesn't really compromise what "being yourself is" since... well, if you clean up your skin, for example, no one is going to bop you on the head and be all "Hey! Bad skin was an intrinsic part of your personality! Change it back!" you know? I just mean don't go crazy. If you're a naturally shy, quiet person, then don't make yourself super outgoing or anything, since you're not going to attract MORE girls, just a different type of girl.
Some people just struggle to find a partner and that's all there is to it. It doesn't mean there's anything WRONG with you, just that the type of people who go for you, arn't the type of people who you are meeting. It's bad luck or whatever, and that sucks, and maybe it's bad luck influenced by the acne or your chin or maybe it's not, but it happens to plenty of girls too, so honestly don't worry. Just keep trying! The key might be to meet tons more people, since then you're improving your odds. I'm not saying you have to go to clubs every night and dance the night away or anything, but like... if you're at school, maybe join some clubs or something. If you're out of work, find work, even if it's voulenteering. If you're in work, go out with your co workers to bars or something, or visit the libriary a lot. Just put yourself around people, and don't be creepy. Try to remember that you often appear quite intimidating to strangers, even if you don't think you're particularly intimidating.
I'm pretty sure people with a minimum of intelligence are able to understand any advice given here doesn't apply to everybody nor is guaranteed to work. Also, there isn't a unique solution. It's also the sum of many advices, sometimes which contradict themselves. Up to the reader to get what he can from it.
Everything said, should be judged on whether its relevant or not, whether you're confortable with it or not.
However, I'm kind of annoyed when someone comes in, says everybody is spewing bullshit and the only thing he says is:"just be yourself". I'm pretty sure guys that have been alone for 20+ years are very happy to hear that advice.
Some people just struggle to find a partner and that's all there is to it. It doesn't mean there's anything WRONG with you, just that the type of people who go for you, arn't the type of people who you are meeting. It's bad luck or whatever, and that sucks, and maybe it's bad luck influenced by the acne or your chin or maybe it's not, but it happens to plenty of girls too, so honestly don't worry. Just keep trying!
I don't care what gender you are, I think you deserve a punch in the face for every person who you give this advice to and follows it.
I'm pretty sure people with a minimum of intelligence are able to understand any advice given here doesn't apply to everybody nor is guaranteed to work. Also, there isn't a unique solution. It's also the sum of many advices, sometimes which contradict themselves. Up to the reader to get what he can from it.
Everything said, should be judged on whether its relevant or not, whether you're confortable with it or not.
However, I'm kind of annoyed when someone comes in, says everybody is spewing bullshit and the only thing he says is:"just be yourself". I'm pretty sure guys that have been alone for 20+ years are very happy to hear that advice.
The point is, people are giving such general advice about people they don't even know... It just can't be applicable. Or at least is very unlikely too. Just look a few posts up and you see all that "Don't overdo the compliments" thing... For a lot of people, particularly ones with low self esteem, regular compliments is really important.
"Be yourself" is really the only advice anyone CAN give. The fact is, if someone is boring, or unattractive, or kind of a dick then it's going to be tough to find a partner. That's just life. I sympathise, I can be a total asshole sometimes when I speak without thinking and have upset friends and girlfriends that way, plus I'm not particularly attractive, so it's been tough to find girlfriends in the past. I really do sympathise. The fact is though, if someone isn't into you, then you can't change that by complimenting them more or less, or having more or less friends. They're just not into you.
There's stuff you can do for the future, for sure. Make yourself more attractive, for example. If you have bad skin, exfoliate every day, cleanse every day, and moisturise twice a day. Then learn to use makeup a bit. A tiny bit of foundation and powder on a guy is totally unnoticable if you do it right (so don't worry about people thinking you are gay!) and will make your skin look a lot better. If your lips are dry and cracked, buy a good lip balm (superdrug do a really great one in a tub, I'll check it's name tonight) and apply it once an hour or so. Or, you know... maybe if you think your conversational skills are letting you down, you could go travel or something, do something fun so you have a bunch of stories to tell, which might make it easier. Who knows, in the end it all just depends on the person though. Some girls don't care if you have bad skin, or if you are good at making conversation. Some girls don't care if you're too shy because they find super confident people intimidating. It's all up to the individual what they're into. I just think, unless you're trying to build yourself around a specific girl (which anyone can see is a bad idea) the only advice anyone can ever give is just, relax, don't overthink stuff... be yourself, if you like. If you want to make adjustments to how you appear, that's great, and doesn't really compromise what "being yourself is" since... well, if you clean up your skin, for example, no one is going to bop you on the head and be all "Hey! Bad skin was an intrinsic part of your personality! Change it back!" you know? I just mean don't go crazy. If you're a naturally shy, quiet person, then don't make yourself super outgoing or anything, since you're not going to attract MORE girls, just a different type of girl.
Some people just struggle to find a partner and that's all there is to it. It doesn't mean there's anything WRONG with you, just that the type of people who go for you, arn't the type of people who you are meeting. It's bad luck or whatever, and that sucks, and maybe it's bad luck influenced by the acne or your chin or maybe it's not, but it happens to plenty of girls too, so honestly don't worry. Just keep trying! The key might be to meet tons more people, since then you're improving your odds. I'm not saying you have to go to clubs every night and dance the night away or anything, but like... if you're at school, maybe join some clubs or something. If you're out of work, find work, even if it's voulenteering. If you're in work, go out with your co workers to bars or something, or visit the libriary a lot. Just put yourself around people, and don't be creepy. Try to remember that you often appear quite intimidating to strangers, even if you don't think you're particularly intimidating.
frankly, in my experience you are so very wrong on so many points. first of all, attraction is less about looks and more about a state of mind, looks help, but are not essential, it is a common belief, for example, that attractive people are confident because they are attractive. it's the other way around: confident people are attractive because they are confident. it is a subtle but very important difference.
"people are giving such general advice about people they don't even know... It just can't be applicable."
the advice is general to fit many situations, thus increasing the chances that they are applicable. the best advice is given by people with deep understanding of the situation, agreed, but that doesn't mean no advice can be given.
"'Be yourself' is really the only advice anyone CAN give."
"be yourself" sounds like extremely general advice, according to you general advice can't possibly be applicable to the situation, so you are either giving ineffective advice, or lying when you say general advice cant be applicable. regardless your point is moot.
"if someone is boring, or unattractive, or kind of a dick then it's going to be tough to find a partner. That's just life. I sympathise, I can be a total asshole sometimes when I speak without thinking and have upset friends and girlfriends that way, plus I'm not particularly attractive, so it's been tough to find girlfriends in the past. I really do sympathise."
I was boring, unattractive and kind of a dick without knowing it. then I realized I was 20 years old, boring, unattractive and kind of a dick and that I had neither had a girlfriend nor had sex ever. so I educated myself on the subject, what features are attractive? (hint: looks, age and wealth barely matters, health and social skills does) why? what do women claim they want? is this the same as what they actually want? (hint: it's not) if I meet someone in the streets (gender irrelevant) how do I get them to like me? what women should I approach? how do I join a group of people I don't know? how am I a social person? what traps should I avoid? what happens if I screw up? how do I fix it? how can this knowledge help me outside of dating? how do I apply all this knowledge without becoming a pick-up artist or dishonest to myself? how do I sexually please my partner in bed? (fun fact: talking about their sexual preferences with women is less taboo than one might think, they actually think it's pretty fun, also, size really doesn't matter, coming from a man with average 15 centimeters (6 inches)) so I improved my posture, I started eating better (previously underweight for the record), I started exercising more, I started holding eye-contact when talking to people, I practiced body-language, I practiced discipline, I started socialising more. I practiced what I studied. I Improved Myself. I am now confident in my ability to attract women. I know how to improve myself further. I strive to do so. I know how to be a socially pleasant person that easily makes friends, in fact I'm gonna hang out with some of them tonight. I still make mistakes at times and make people upset or angry, but I can deal with that better now. I can reliably give my partners orgasm. am I a different person from when I began? yes. but I am still me. my personality is no different, I just express it differently. my hopes and dreams have not changed. Improving my life has not changed me. and there is not a person in the world that can't improve themselves. there are naturally attractive people in the world that are really successful (they probably learned from their parents through imitation when they were younger), and we all envy their ease, but they do not have a monopoly on success.
"Some people just struggle to find a partner and that's all there is to it. It doesn't mean there's anything WRONG with you, just that the type of people who go for you, arn't the type of people who you are meeting. It's bad luck or whatever, and that sucks, and maybe it's bad luck influenced by the acne or your chin or maybe it's not, but it happens to plenty of girls too, so honestly don't worry. Just keep trying! The key might be to meet tons more people, since then you're improving your odds"
walking through life thinking "one day I will meet the one that will be pretty and likes me" doesn't really work. you just end up forever alone. instead of waiting for happiness, make your own happiness. this passage just sounds like you are complaining about your lack of success and giving excuses.
"Some girls don't care if you have bad skin, or if you are good at making conversation. Some girls don't care if you're too shy because they find super confident people intimidating."
most girls don't care about if you have bad skin (but they do care about health, if it is obvious you don't take care of yourself that is really unattractive, such as bags under your eyes indicate that you don't sleep enough) but if they don't care about if you are good at making conversation or is intimidated by confidence that's indicative of low self-esteem, and personally I don't like girls with low self-esteem, maybe that's good enough for you, but I have higher standards than that.
I'm pretty sure people with a minimum of intelligence are able to understand any advice given here doesn't apply to everybody nor is guaranteed to work. Also, there isn't a unique solution. It's also the sum of many advices, sometimes which contradict themselves. Up to the reader to get what he can from it.
Everything said, should be judged on whether its relevant or not, whether you're confortable with it or not.
However, I'm kind of annoyed when someone comes in, says everybody is spewing bullshit and the only thing he says is:"just be yourself". I'm pretty sure guys that have been alone for 20+ years are very happy to hear that advice.
Some people just struggle to find a partner and that's all there is to it. It doesn't mean there's anything WRONG with you, just that the type of people who go for you, arn't the type of people who you are meeting. It's bad luck or whatever, and that sucks, and maybe it's bad luck influenced by the acne or your chin or maybe it's not, but it happens to plenty of girls too, so honestly don't worry. Just keep trying!
I don't care what gender you are, I think you deserve a punch in the face for every person who you give this advice to and follows it.
thats probably because you are absorbed in some pua crap. What he said is true, not everyone finds love easily, and the exact opposite for others. Most of this self improvement bullshit is a trap, meant to give people what they want to hear and nothing more. The fact is that we are not equal, and we all have our flaws and that's alright. Being genuine is the most important thing to attracting anyone, and if you try to be someone you are not.. well then you sold yourself out. This doesn't mean that you can't improve in life. That's nonsense ofc, but stop trying so hard to please someone else and just be happy with YOURSELF. As long as you do that and go outside once in a while, im pretty sure you are capable of living a normal life.
I'm pretty sure people with a minimum of intelligence are able to understand any advice given here doesn't apply to everybody nor is guaranteed to work. Also, there isn't a unique solution. It's also the sum of many advices, sometimes which contradict themselves. Up to the reader to get what he can from it.
Everything said, should be judged on whether its relevant or not, whether you're confortable with it or not.
However, I'm kind of annoyed when someone comes in, says everybody is spewing bullshit and the only thing he says is:"just be yourself". I'm pretty sure guys that have been alone for 20+ years are very happy to hear that advice.
Some people just struggle to find a partner and that's all there is to it. It doesn't mean there's anything WRONG with you, just that the type of people who go for you, arn't the type of people who you are meeting. It's bad luck or whatever, and that sucks, and maybe it's bad luck influenced by the acne or your chin or maybe it's not, but it happens to plenty of girls too, so honestly don't worry. Just keep trying!
I don't care what gender you are, I think you deserve a punch in the face for every person who you give this advice to and follows it.
thats probably because you are absorbed in some pua crap. What he said is true, not everyone finds love easily, and the exact opposite for others. Most of this self improvement bullshit is a trap, meant to give people what they want to hear and nothing more. The fact is that we are not equal, and we all have our flaws and that's alright. Being genuine is the most important thing to attracting anyone, and if you try to be someone you are not.. well then you sold yourself out. This doesn't mean that you can't improve in life. That's nonsense ofc, but stop trying so hard to please someone else and just be happy with YOURSELF. As long as you do that and go outside once in a while, im pretty sure you are capable of living a normal life.
I'm perfectly happy with myself, I just feel bad for anyone like you who thinks that way. Keep being a loser who can't get better for his own good, the world doesn't mind one more.
I agree with long post. Changing the essence of who you are is foolish. But trying to be the best you you can be is a noble persuit. That's also why getting advice from others on 'how to get the girl' usually isn't as useful as you would hope. Speaking for myself, taking advice from friends usually did more harm than good. Even though most of them are quite successful with women.
I'm pretty sure people with a minimum of intelligence are able to understand any advice given here doesn't apply to everybody nor is guaranteed to work. Also, there isn't a unique solution. It's also the sum of many advices, sometimes which contradict themselves. Up to the reader to get what he can from it.
Everything said, should be judged on whether its relevant or not, whether you're confortable with it or not.
However, I'm kind of annoyed when someone comes in, says everybody is spewing bullshit and the only thing he says is:"just be yourself". I'm pretty sure guys that have been alone for 20+ years are very happy to hear that advice.
Some people just struggle to find a partner and that's all there is to it. It doesn't mean there's anything WRONG with you, just that the type of people who go for you, arn't the type of people who you are meeting. It's bad luck or whatever, and that sucks, and maybe it's bad luck influenced by the acne or your chin or maybe it's not, but it happens to plenty of girls too, so honestly don't worry. Just keep trying!
I don't care what gender you are, I think you deserve a punch in the face for every person who you give this advice to and follows it.
I dunno, a lot of the anguish in this thread seems to stem from the fact that many guys here appear to bemoan the fact that they aren't someone who they, well, aren't. Be yourself is the standard cliché, yet one that may be less than helpful. Maybe the "self" is not someone who will ever be good material for prolonged relationships.
Some people just may not be meant for close relationships, or much of social interaction at all. Maybe the niche of suitable partners is so narrow that it is unlikely they will ever find one. A relationship is not a right, it's a bonus that may or may not happen. I may be a bit of a deviant here for a few reasons, but this idea has never really bothered me, hence the generally flippant tone(I'll break character here for a moment, before I go back to eating Wombat's child and hitting on Grumbels, or possibly the reverse).
On May 03 2013 21:41 B.I.G. wrote: I agree with long post. Changing the essence of who you are is foolish. But trying to be the best you you can be is a noble persuit. That's also why getting advice from others on 'how to get the girl' usually isn't as useful as you would hope. Speaking for myself, taking advice from friends usually did more harm than good. Even though most of them are quite successful with women.
I can only agree with what you said. I used to ask a friend of mine about those things, and i regrettet it. In my opinion you should listen to yourself and no one else. Just a month ago some girl asked me to go out with her, and I told that two good friends of mine and we talked a bit about her and in the end they were telling some stories of her that didn't make her look that good. I still accepted her invitation but I kinda didn't behave as I usually do, just because I asked my friends. It ended her losing interest in me and going out with some other guy. I really regret it afterwards as she seemed to be a really nice girl and wouldn't I have had those stories in my mind it might had ended differently. Whatever, I just said to myself that in the future I'll just get a shot of the personality before I tell anyone that I might get into someone, as it's just hard to behave normally whenever you know too much about someone by others.
On May 03 2013 21:41 B.I.G. wrote: I agree with long post. Changing the essence of who you are is foolish. But trying to be the best you you can be is a noble persuit. That's also why getting advice from others on 'how to get the girl' usually isn't as useful as you would hope. Speaking for myself, taking advice from friends usually did more harm than good. Even though most of them are quite successful with women.
I can only agree with what you said. I used to ask a friend of mine about those things, and i regrettet it. In my opinion you should listen to yourself and no one else. Just a month ago some girl asked me to go out with her, and I told that two good friends of mine and we talked a bit about her and in the end they were telling some stories of her that didn't make her look that good. I still accepted her invitation but I kinda didn't behave as I usually do, just because I asked my friends. It ended her losing interest in me and going out with some other guy. I really regret it afterwards as she seemed to be a really nice girl and wouldn't I have had those stories in my mind it might had ended differently. Whatever, I just said to myself that in the future I'll just get a shot of the personality before I tell anyone that I might get into someone, as it's just hard to behave normally whenever you know too much about someone by others.
The reason for this is because learning happens with experience, not through advice on internet forum or advice from anyone really. You can tell yourself how to act, and what to do all you want but it won't change a thing (infact it will make it worse). Roger Federer could sit down with me and explain tennis to me for days, but I will still be a complete noob at it. Same drill here, people can spout all the advice they want but it does nothing (Hence I believe the entire PUA/self improvement industry is bullshit).
"Just be yourself" from someone someone who is close to his own true self and found happiness in understanding who and what he is is a way of live.
"Just be yourself" as an advice to someone who doesn't understand what or who he is at it's core is horrible advice because it doesn't help with any issues that come up when trying to get on the journey to becoming "yourself".
How do you win in racing? By just driving faster than the other guys. Sure that advice is absolutely correct. It's also utterly irrelvant. If someone puts it out as generic advice without big disclaimers about why he or she recommends it it is highly likely that they don't understand the underlying concepts.
On May 03 2013 22:15 r.Evo wrote: I'll put it as simple as I can.
"Just be yourself" from someone someone who is close to his own true self and found happiness in understanding who and what he is is a way of live.
"Just be yourself" as an advice to someone who doesn't understand what or who he is at it's core is horrible advice because it doesn't help with any issues that come up when trying to get on the journey to becoming "yourself".
How do you win in racing? By just driving faster than the other guys. Sure that advice is absolutely correct. It's also utterly irrelvant. If someone puts it out as generic advice without big disclaimers about why he or she recommends it it is highly likely that they don't understand the underlying concepts.
Telling them the underlying concepts won't help them either, that is just something they have to figure out on their own through their own experiences. Which is why again and again the best advice is to just be yourself and enjoy the process.
I'm pretty sure people with a minimum of intelligence are able to understand any advice given here doesn't apply to everybody nor is guaranteed to work. Also, there isn't a unique solution. It's also the sum of many advices, sometimes which contradict themselves. Up to the reader to get what he can from it.
Everything said, should be judged on whether its relevant or not, whether you're confortable with it or not.
However, I'm kind of annoyed when someone comes in, says everybody is spewing bullshit and the only thing he says is:"just be yourself". I'm pretty sure guys that have been alone for 20+ years are very happy to hear that advice.
The point is, people are giving such general advice about people they don't even know... It just can't be applicable. Or at least is very unlikely too. Just look a few posts up and you see all that "Don't overdo the compliments" thing... For a lot of people, particularly ones with low self esteem, regular compliments is really important.
"Be yourself" is really the only advice anyone CAN give. The fact is, if someone is boring, or unattractive, or kind of a dick then it's going to be tough to find a partner. That's just life. I sympathise, I can be a total asshole sometimes when I speak without thinking and have upset friends and girlfriends that way, plus I'm not particularly attractive, so it's been tough to find girlfriends in the past. I really do sympathise. The fact is though, if someone isn't into you, then you can't change that by complimenting them more or less, or having more or less friends. They're just not into you.
There's stuff you can do for the future, for sure. Make yourself more attractive, for example. If you have bad skin, exfoliate every day, cleanse every day, and moisturise twice a day. Then learn to use makeup a bit. A tiny bit of foundation and powder on a guy is totally unnoticable if you do it right (so don't worry about people thinking you are gay!) and will make your skin look a lot better. If your lips are dry and cracked, buy a good lip balm (superdrug do a really great one in a tub, I'll check it's name tonight) and apply it once an hour or so. Or, you know... maybe if you think your conversational skills are letting you down, you could go travel or something, do something fun so you have a bunch of stories to tell, which might make it easier. Who knows, in the end it all just depends on the person though. Some girls don't care if you have bad skin, or if you are good at making conversation. Some girls don't care if you're too shy because they find super confident people intimidating. It's all up to the individual what they're into. I just think, unless you're trying to build yourself around a specific girl (which anyone can see is a bad idea) the only advice anyone can ever give is just, relax, don't overthink stuff... be yourself, if you like. If you want to make adjustments to how you appear, that's great, and doesn't really compromise what "being yourself is" since... well, if you clean up your skin, for example, no one is going to bop you on the head and be all "Hey! Bad skin was an intrinsic part of your personality! Change it back!" you know? I just mean don't go crazy. If you're a naturally shy, quiet person, then don't make yourself super outgoing or anything, since you're not going to attract MORE girls, just a different type of girl.
Some people just struggle to find a partner and that's all there is to it. It doesn't mean there's anything WRONG with you, just that the type of people who go for you, arn't the type of people who you are meeting. It's bad luck or whatever, and that sucks, and maybe it's bad luck influenced by the acne or your chin or maybe it's not, but it happens to plenty of girls too, so honestly don't worry. Just keep trying! The key might be to meet tons more people, since then you're improving your odds. I'm not saying you have to go to clubs every night and dance the night away or anything, but like... if you're at school, maybe join some clubs or something. If you're out of work, find work, even if it's voulenteering. If you're in work, go out with your co workers to bars or something, or visit the libriary a lot. Just put yourself around people, and don't be creepy. Try to remember that you often appear quite intimidating to strangers, even if you don't think you're particularly intimidating.
frankly, in my experience you are so very wrong on so many points. first of all, attraction is less about looks and more about a state of mind, looks help, but are not essential, it is a common belief, for example, that attractive people are confident because they are attractive. it's the other way around: confident people are attractive because they are confident. it is a subtle but very important difference.
"people are giving such general advice about people they don't even know... It just can't be applicable."
the advice is general to fit many situations, thus increasing the chances that they are applicable. the best advice is given by people with deep understanding of the situation, agreed, but that doesn't mean no advice can be given.
"'Be yourself' is really the only advice anyone CAN give."
"be yourself" sounds like extremely general advice, according to you general advice can't possibly be applicable to the situation, so you are either giving ineffective advice, or lying when you say general advice cant be applicable. regardless your point is moot.
"if someone is boring, or unattractive, or kind of a dick then it's going to be tough to find a partner. That's just life. I sympathise, I can be a total asshole sometimes when I speak without thinking and have upset friends and girlfriends that way, plus I'm not particularly attractive, so it's been tough to find girlfriends in the past. I really do sympathise."
I was boring, unattractive and kind of a dick without knowing it. then I realized I was 20 years old, boring, unattractive and kind of a dick and that I had neither had a girlfriend nor had sex ever. so I educated myself on the subject, what features are attractive? (hint: looks, age and wealth barely matters, health and social skills does) why? what do women claim they want? is this the same as what they actually want? (hint: it's not) if I meet someone in the streets (gender irrelevant) how do I get them to like me? what women should I approach? how do I join a group of people I don't know? how am I a social person? what traps should I avoid? what happens if I screw up? how do I fix it? how can this knowledge help me outside of dating? how do I apply all this knowledge without becoming a pick-up artist or dishonest to myself? how do I sexually please my partner in bed? (fun fact: talking about their sexual preferences with women is less taboo than one might think, they actually think it's pretty fun, also, size really doesn't matter, coming from a man with average 15 centimeters (6 inches)) so I improved my posture, I started eating better (previously underweight for the record), I started exercising more, I started holding eye-contact when talking to people, I practiced body-language, I practiced discipline, I started socialising more. I practiced what I studied. I Improved Myself. I am now confident in my ability to attract women. I know how to improve myself further. I strive to do so. I know how to be a socially pleasant person that easily makes friends, in fact I'm gonna hang out with some of them tonight. I still make mistakes at times and make people upset or angry, but I can deal with that better now. I can reliably give my partners orgasm. am I a different person from when I began? yes. but I am still me. my personality is no different, I just express it differently. my hopes and dreams have not changed. Improving my life has not changed me. and there is not a person in the world that can't improve themselves. there are naturally attractive people in the world that are really successful (they probably learned from their parents through imitation when they were younger), and we all envy their ease, but they do not have a monopoly on success.
"Some people just struggle to find a partner and that's all there is to it. It doesn't mean there's anything WRONG with you, just that the type of people who go for you, arn't the type of people who you are meeting. It's bad luck or whatever, and that sucks, and maybe it's bad luck influenced by the acne or your chin or maybe it's not, but it happens to plenty of girls too, so honestly don't worry. Just keep trying! The key might be to meet tons more people, since then you're improving your odds"
walking through life thinking "one day I will meet the one that will be pretty and likes me" doesn't really work. you just end up forever alone. instead of waiting for happiness, make your own happiness. this passage just sounds like you are complaining about your lack of success and giving excuses.
"Some girls don't care if you have bad skin, or if you are good at making conversation. Some girls don't care if you're too shy because they find super confident people intimidating."
most girls don't care about if you have bad skin (but they do care about health, if it is obvious you don't take care of yourself that is really unattractive, such as bags under your eyes indicate that you don't sleep enough) but if they don't care about if you are good at making conversation or is intimidated by confidence that's indicative of low self-esteem, and personally I don't like girls with low self-esteem, maybe that's good enough for you, but I have higher standards than that.
good day.
See this is the issue. Saying things like "most girls don't care about if you have bad skin" What you really mean is "some girls dont care if you have bad skin" I know I care if someone has bad skin. I know my girlfriend cares. Plenty of people don't, and that's great. Good for them. Everyone goes for different character traits, which is my point. Whether a cute nose is important, or nice wrists, or symmetrical features, or confidence, or lack of confidence, or intelligence, or whatever. Everyone has stuff that turns them on. There is no such thing as "most girls like"
Even stuff that seems like no one would like, like being really overweight or really underweight, there are still plenty of people who go for that. If you get some idea of what "most people" are attracted to, and turn yourself into that, all you're going to do is be worse at all that stuff than someone who is naturally that kind of person, and now rubbish at the stuff that you actually have going for you.
"walking through life thinking "one day I will meet the one that will be pretty and likes me" doesn't really work. you just end up forever alone. instead of waiting for happiness, make your own happiness. this passage just sounds like you are complaining about your lack of success and giving excuses."
Well. Maybe you do end up forever alone. I'm not suggesting sitting there and doing nothing, I'm just saying figure out what you're good at. Figure out what makes you sexy, because everyone has something sexy about them, and play up that aspect of yourself. Nobody wants you to sit there and do nothing and hope to become happy, but trying to make yourself into the kind of person that someone likes after they've met you isn't going to work. As for you assuming I'm complaining... Well, I'm currently dating the love of my life, she moved in with me a couple of months ago and it's going swimmingly, so I'm not sure where you got that impression from. Some people are going to take longer to find their ideal match, some people will never find their ideal match. That's just life. It happens to everyone, not just "sad shy ugly foreveralones". Bad stuff happens to good people sometimes. One of my closest friends from school is a really lovely girl, really attractive, great fun to be with, really quirky and cool, she has a great job and everything going for her, and can't find a guy who's into her that she likes too. Just gets unlucky with meeting the wrong people, and that's life.
I'm glad to hear you've improved yourself, and changed some habits and that it's helped you so much, but I really think you are missing the point here. Nobody is saying you shouldn't improve yourself. Just that they are saying you should improve yourself in ways that you want to improve. And only you know that. You wanted to improve your weight, your posture, etc. So you did it. Good for you. Some people don't care so much about their posture and would rather learn how to... I dunno, play a bunch of instruments, and that's good for them too. You're sexy because you have good posture, they are sexy because they play violin and piano. You're going to attract two very different types of people, but you're both sexy in your own ways. But that's just it. You're sexy in YOUR OWN ways, not someone elses ways.
The reason "be yourself" is looked down on so much is because it's really general, unhelpful advice. Everyone knows, supposidly, that they should be themselves. It's ultra general and really doesn't help anyone to say such things, but what else can you say? Be someone else? Take sports players, for example. I'm gonna generalise people like crazy here but, for the stereotypical college sports guy, he's attractive because he's athletic, so probably has a good body or whatever, and is very very good at a particular sport. Some people find that attractive. I think there's this kind of overall assumption that guys who play sports like that, you know, the sports jock stuff get all the girls and stuff are like, in the best position to date girls, but suppose the meta changed that like, the ideal guy to get girls is a concert pianist. Would you suggest all those guys learn to play piano to get girls? Or would you suggest that they stick with what they are good at?
I know we're not talking about activities so much as personality types here but I think it still applies. Stick to what you are good at. It's better to be really good at being yourself, rather than being average at being someone else, even if statistically more girls are into the someone else (even though I don't really think you can say more people are into anything, how can you know that, everyone likes different stuff).
Also, just because it annoys me when people do this: "frankly, in my experience you are so very wrong on so many points. first of all, attraction is less about looks and more about a state of mind, looks help, but are not essential, it is a common belief, for example, that attractive people are confident because they are attractive. it's the other way around: confident people are attractive because they are confident. it is a subtle but very important difference."
I'm glad that that has been your experience, but in my experience it was the first way round. I was ugly, I made myself less ugly, and that gave me confidence. Confidence didn't teach me how to straighten my hair properly or what clothes showed off my best parts or how to do eyeliner in a way that suited my eyes. Being happy with how I looked allowed me to be confident, not the other way round. Obviously YMMV and everyone has different experiences, but what I'm trying to say is if you start an argument with "in my experience" it doesn't hold much water. If you want to give your opinions and state your beliefs then that's great but when it's your experience versus mine, I don't think you have a right to say I am wrong, exactly. Just that we have different experiences.
Again, maybe I have a warped perception of things because I've dated as a guy and as a girl (though I've only ever dated girls) or maybe that gives some kind of insight. Who knows.
On May 03 2013 14:01 wUndertUnge wrote: I just had a great run-in with a pretty girl who lives on my block. I always see her on the way to the train in the morning. The other day, I took my lunch and saw her walk up to my table on the terrace. She works in the same part of the city I work in. I said, "Hey, you live on my block."
She said, "Yes, I do." Then she smiled at me, I shook her hand, asked her for her name, then let her get back to her KFC with her co-workers. Then after I was done reading, I stood up, said "Nice meeting you," and went back to work. There was definite smiliness and at least some curiosity and interest...well, at least on my part.
It's a seed, but I think there's a romantic comedy that started the same way. Right? Right??
It's not uncommon for a girl to smile when she is being talked to by a "normal" random person, I wouldn't try to read too much into it. See it more as a "You don't seem threatening" which opens up the road for further conversation. Ideally you want to take that hint and transition into something, whether it's the good old "Are you stalking me?" or random blabbering about the train to work that day or telling her that one of her friends is cute and whether she can introduce you to her.
She didn't bite/shoot/call the cops on you after your first sentence. You're good to say more. =P
On May 03 2013 22:15 r.Evo wrote: I'll put it as simple as I can.
"Just be yourself" from someone someone who is close to his own true self and found happiness in understanding who and what he is is a way of live.
"Just be yourself" as an advice to someone who doesn't understand what or who he is at it's core is horrible advice because it doesn't help with any issues that come up when trying to get on the journey to becoming "yourself".
How do you win in racing? By just driving faster than the other guys. Sure that advice is absolutely correct. It's also utterly irrelvant. If someone puts it out as generic advice without big disclaimers about why he or she recommends it it is highly likely that they don't understand the underlying concepts.
Telling them the underlying concepts won't help them either, that is just something they have to figure out on their own through their own experiences. Which is why again and again the best advice is to just be yourself and enjoy the process.
No. "Just be yourself" means "be the same old shitty self you always were and one day someone will come and love it" to someone who is clueless about the process.
The advice that actually does help people if they take it to heart isn't "be yourself", it's "do you love yourself?" - if you don't then work towards the self you always wanted to be. Try new things, make experiences, learn things you always wanted to learn. Whatever it is, go out and do things. Try out doing some of the things people who are closer to who you want to be seem to be suggesting. You aren't happy with how you deal with girls? Deal with them differently. Break your patterns and start seeing them as what they are: Things that you created for a reason and things you can change if you want to.
Confidence, charisma, attractiveness, all those buzzwords are results of slowly but surely eliminating all those fears we carry around ourselves - they all come with experience.
And now for something completely different: Shady why u so sexy? If you can imagine liking her, give her a call. It's not your job to worry about her personal relationships.
On May 03 2013 22:15 r.Evo wrote: I'll put it as simple as I can.
"Just be yourself" from someone someone who is close to his own true self and found happiness in understanding who and what he is is a way of live.
"Just be yourself" as an advice to someone who doesn't understand what or who he is at it's core is horrible advice because it doesn't help with any issues that come up when trying to get on the journey to becoming "yourself".
How do you win in racing? By just driving faster than the other guys. Sure that advice is absolutely correct. It's also utterly irrelvant. If someone puts it out as generic advice without big disclaimers about why he or she recommends it it is highly likely that they don't understand the underlying concepts.
Telling them the underlying concepts won't help them either, that is just something they have to figure out on their own through their own experiences. Which is why again and again the best advice is to just be yourself and enjoy the process.
No. "Just be yourself" means "be the same old shitty self you always were and one day someone will come and love it" to someone who is clueless about the process.
The advice that actually does help people if they take it to heart isn't "be yourself", it's "do you love yourself?" - if you don't then work towards the self you always wanted to be. Try new things, make experiences, learn things you always wanted to learn. Whatever it is, go out and do things. Try out doing some of the things people who are closer to who you want to be seem to be suggesting. You aren't happy with how you deal with girls? Deal with them differently. Break your patterns and start seeing them as what they are: Things that you created for a reason and things you can change if you want to.
Confidence, charisma, attractiveness, all those buzzwords are results of slowly but surely eliminating all those fears we carry around ourselves - they all come with experience.
And now for something completely different: Shady why u so sexy? If you can imagine liking her, give her a call. It's not your job to worry about her personal relationships.
No one is shitty. I think that's a really cruel way of looking at the world. I have a fun little exercise I do when I'm walking around where I pick someone at random in the street, and then try to imagine how they are sexy. Why they are sexy. Who they would be sexy to. Sometimes you have to make assumptions about their character from how they look but that's okay. Fact is, everyone is sexy to someone.
Going out and doing things is great, if that's what you want. Experiences are fun if you want experiences. If you don't though, that wont be fun, and it won't make you a better person for having done them. No one is saying just stay completley static, but grow in a way that pleases you, not in a way that pleases someone else!
As for the bank teller, stay out of it imo. Married people are a can of worms that can be a real pain in the ass to clean up once you open. Depends if she's worth it though!
On May 03 2013 22:15 r.Evo wrote: I'll put it as simple as I can.
"Just be yourself" from someone someone who is close to his own true self and found happiness in understanding who and what he is is a way of live.
"Just be yourself" as an advice to someone who doesn't understand what or who he is at it's core is horrible advice because it doesn't help with any issues that come up when trying to get on the journey to becoming "yourself".
How do you win in racing? By just driving faster than the other guys. Sure that advice is absolutely correct. It's also utterly irrelvant. If someone puts it out as generic advice without big disclaimers about why he or she recommends it it is highly likely that they don't understand the underlying concepts.
Telling them the underlying concepts won't help them either, that is just something they have to figure out on their own through their own experiences. Which is why again and again the best advice is to just be yourself and enjoy the process.
No. "Just be yourself" means "be the same old shitty self you always were and one day someone will come and love it" to someone who is clueless about the process.
The advice that actually does help people if they take it to heart isn't "be yourself", it's "do you love yourself?" - if you don't then work towards the self you always wanted to be. Try new things, make experiences, learn things you always wanted to learn. Whatever it is, go out and do things. Try out doing some of the things people who are closer to who you want to be seem to be suggesting. You aren't happy with how you deal with girls? Deal with them differently. Break your patterns and start seeing them as what they are: Things that you created for a reason and things you can change if you want to.
Confidence, charisma, attractiveness, all those buzzwords are results of slowly but surely eliminating all those fears we carry around ourselves - they all come with experience.
And now for something completely different: Shady why u so sexy? If you can imagine liking her, give her a call. It's not your job to worry about her personal relationships.
On May 03 2013 23:01 Crying wrote: Of course @Shady
Fair enough. I'm going to give Saturday Girl a decent try first, though.
On May 03 2013 22:15 r.Evo wrote: I'll put it as simple as I can.
"Just be yourself" from someone someone who is close to his own true self and found happiness in understanding who and what he is is a way of live.
"Just be yourself" as an advice to someone who doesn't understand what or who he is at it's core is horrible advice because it doesn't help with any issues that come up when trying to get on the journey to becoming "yourself".
How do you win in racing? By just driving faster than the other guys. Sure that advice is absolutely correct. It's also utterly irrelvant. If someone puts it out as generic advice without big disclaimers about why he or she recommends it it is highly likely that they don't understand the underlying concepts.
Telling them the underlying concepts won't help them either, that is just something they have to figure out on their own through their own experiences. Which is why again and again the best advice is to just be yourself and enjoy the process.
No. "Just be yourself" means "be the same old shitty self you always were and one day someone will come and love it" to someone who is clueless about the process.
The advice that actually does help people if they take it to heart isn't "be yourself", it's "do you love yourself?" - if you don't then work towards the self you always wanted to be. Try new things, make experiences, learn things you always wanted to learn. Whatever it is, go out and do things. Try out doing some of the things people who are closer to who you want to be seem to be suggesting. You aren't happy with how you deal with girls? Deal with them differently. Break your patterns and start seeing them as what they are: Things that you created for a reason and things you can change if you want to.
Confidence, charisma, attractiveness, all those buzzwords are results of slowly but surely eliminating all those fears we carry around ourselves - they all come with experience.
And now for something completely different: Shady why u so sexy? If you can imagine liking her, give her a call. It's not your job to worry about her personal relationships.
No one is shitty. I think that's a really cruel way of looking at the world. I have a fun little exercise I do when I'm walking around where I pick someone at random in the street, and then try to imagine how they are sexy. Why they are sexy. Who they would be sexy to. Sometimes you have to make assumptions about their character from how they look but that's okay. Fact is, everyone is sexy to someone.
Going out and doing things is great, if that's what you want. Experiences are fun if you want experiences. If you don't though, that wont be fun, and it won't make you a better person for having done them. No one is saying just stay completley static, but grow in a way that pleases you, not in a way that pleases someone else!
As for the bank teller, stay out of it imo. Married people are a can of worms that can be a real pain in the ass to clean up once you open. Depends if she's worth it though!
xx
Lol I barely know this person. Have talked to her a total of three times before, and this time all I talked about was how I couldn't find my debit card anymore/asking them to mail me a new one.
She's alright looking - early thirties, has a pronounced Slavic accent, busty but not fat, blonde
EPT
