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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Jesus! Stop over complicating things!
Not every girl who ever speaks to you is sizing you up as a "potential mate"
Not every girl who dates you is madly in love with you and wants it to last more than a couple of months
People complain of not being able to understand girls, the games they play, etc etc blah blah... You're just doing exactly what you are accusing them of. Overthinking things, reading too much into everything. Analysing every single move they make or word that comes out of their mouth.
If you meet a girl, you like her, you ask her out and she says no, she's not "playing hard to get", she just isn't into you.
If you meet a girl, you like her, you ask her out and she says yes, but then cancels. She isn't playing games, she's just busy or changed her mind.
If you meet a girl, you like her, you ask her out and she says yes, but then it's an awkward date, neither of you talk much, she isn't testing you to see how well you do under awkward circumstances. You're just not compatible.
If you meet a girl, you like her, you ask her out and she says yes, but then she keeps checking her phone, or she doesn't want to make another date afterwards or something. She's STILL not playing hard to get, she's just not into you. Saying yes doesn't mean she's too nice and can't say no, and it doesn't mean that she's playing games. She just thought you would be more compatible.
Stop over analysing everything. No one cares if you are highly sought after or no one else is going for you. If they are attracted to you, they are attracted to you. If they're not, they're not. Simple as. That isn't going to change because you made a bunch of friends or she saw you eating dinner with another girl.
She's also not going to "friendzone" you if you are too nice. If you think you've been friendzoned, it means she's just not attracted to you. Simple as. Either you're boring or ugly or annoying or just an asshole or have some other undesireable trait that she doesn't want to date. It's certainally not that you're "too nice". Who the fuck thinks "well, I could spend a few months dating this guy, maybe even a few years, but I dunno... I don't think he's going to abuse me enough so I'll just be kind of distant friends with him"
Honestly. Grow up. It's really really sad and embarrassing to see this stuff. If you're just you, you're nice, you're an asshole, whatever so long as you're yourself, that's good enough. Hell you probably can't even tell if you're an asshole or boring or whatever. Nobody can, nobody thinks of themselves as an asshole, but just accept that everyone has good traits and bad traits like that and if you're into someone and they don't seem into you, they're just not into you and it's that simple. No amount of overthinking or acting in some way to appear more appealing is going to change her mind. Maybe in a few years when you both grow up a little you might both change and something could happen. Untill then, move the fuck on. Find someone else who is attracted to you.
Oh and that whole "not answering texts straight away is a test to see how needy you are" is bullshit so you can cut that right the fuck out. If she is both into you, or your friend, and NOT BUSY all at the same time, she will answer. If she doesn't, it's beacuse she's busy or not into you. If she isn't into you, texting her 30 minutes later saying "have I done something" isn't going to change that, and if she's busy you're just going to look like a bit of a dick. Put yourself in their position. Or better still, just don't think about it so much. Not everyone checks their phone as much as you. Not everyone sticks to date plans as well as you. Not everyone feels the same way about checking-phones-on-a-date as you.
And what's even with the whole "don't give out compliments" thing? Why are they a bad thing? Who doesn't like to hear nice things about themselves? The problem is when you overdo it and act like you're worshiping the ground they stand on, or you make it look like you don't care and you just heard that saying a nice thing about someone's hair is the done thing, it's a bit creepy. But really, someone saying above to not so it makes them feel scared and uncomfortable? What are you thinking? Make someone hate you and then lead them down rape alley? Because you know, EVERYONE likes to open up and share themselves with someone who makes them feel scared and uncomfortable.
Maybe it's just this thing where like, you have this whole hunter-gatherer view of how the world works and like, "oh, the man is supposed to provide safety so I must make potential dates feel safe, so I'm going to be strong or whatever" but that really doesn't apply any more. It's the same with the "if I look like I have loads of friends or other potential girls around me then it makes me look more desirable than I otherwise would be" but honestly nobody thinks like that. Not even subconciously. They just think "Ooh, cute guy/girl/inbetween/whatever, nice person, fun to be around, makes me laugh. Woo" or something. You know, some girls don't want to feel protected, they want to feel strong themselves, like they're the protector. Or they don't care about protection at all. And then some are the opposite. Some people are attracted to the confidence that brings lots of friends, some people prefer cute mousy guys. Everyone is different and you really need to stop summing up the entire population into this crazy caveman stereotype. Plus, if every girl wants a guy who can make them feel protected because he is strong and stuff, how do you explain Ellen Degeneres and Portia DeRossi? Hmm? HMMM?? WELL?!
Yeah. I thought so.
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On May 03 2013 08:31 Luepert wrote:
Fuck. So I've been trying to date this girl at my school who is a foreign exchange student. We went on a few dates and to prom together but now she's been quiet to me which sucks because I had the best conversations of my entire life with her. So today a friend who is also close to her said she would have dated me but since she is going home soon she doesn't want to get involved. Fuck me. I made my move too late and came up short on the only girl I've ever connected with in my entire life. I'm probably going to go and make a complete fool of myself but I have no choice. I could never live with myself if I never at least got a solid rejection, it would haunt me forever. Fuck.
She already likes you now, so you don't need to play games with her head any longer. Just walk up to her and tell her how you feel. Kiss her, hold her tight, tell her that no matter which time zone she ends up picking you'll always just be one Skype call away, and that college is just a few short years around the corner, after which you guys can spend as much time together as you'd like.
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@Bigpost
I'm pretty sure people with a minimum of intelligence are able to understand any advice given here doesn't apply to everybody nor is guaranteed to work. Also, there isn't a unique solution. It's also the sum of many advices, sometimes which contradict themselves. Up to the reader to get what he can from it.
Everything said, should be judged on whether its relevant or not, whether you're confortable with it or not.
However, I'm kind of annoyed when someone comes in, says everybody is spewing bullshit and the only thing he says is:"just be yourself". I'm pretty sure guys that have been alone for 20+ years are very happy to hear that advice.
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On May 03 2013 08:56 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 08:31 Luepert wrote:
Fuck. So I've been trying to date this girl at my school who is a foreign exchange student. We went on a few dates and to prom together but now she's been quiet to me which sucks because I had the best conversations of my entire life with her. So today a friend who is also close to her said she would have dated me but since she is going home soon she doesn't want to get involved. Fuck me. I made my move too late and came up short on the only girl I've ever connected with in my entire life. I'm probably going to go and make a complete fool of myself but I have no choice. I could never live with myself if I never at least got a solid rejection, it would haunt me forever. Fuck. She already likes you now, so you don't need to play games with her head any longer. Just walk up to her and tell her how you feel. Kiss her, hold her tight, tell her that no matter which time zone she ends up picking you'll always just be one Skype call away, and that college is just a few short years around the corner, after which you guys can spend as much time together as you'd like.
Yeah, doing that tomorrow. I would even just take a solid rejection. I just don't want to wonder what would have happened. I think I have a decent chance that she will feel the same way but a small chance that she want to go through with a relationship, especially a long distance one.
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On May 03 2013 08:24 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 07:34 Shady Sands wrote:On May 03 2013 06:47 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:41 Orcasgt24 wrote:On May 03 2013 06:26 white_horse wrote:On May 03 2013 06:18 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:02 Orcasgt24 wrote:On April 24 2013 08:09 Orcasgt24 wrote:
I have a date tonight with a new girl from work. She moved to this city like 2 weeks ago. Very excited. Figured I'd post how it went for the hell of it. She spent most of the time either texting or talking to her friend from the city she moved from. Then quickly asked for the bill when the server came by. Total waste of both of our time. Obviously no second date coming lol. Sounds like you bored her. Consider telling a girl to put her phone away the next time this happens to you on a date, and walking out otherwise. Completely agree. It's not ok to even look at your phone once or twice during a date just because it's "only once or twice". Your attention should be 100% towards the other person, not 99% or 98%. If you're guilty of looking at your phone during a date a few times, good to cut the habit now, else you want to lose points from the other. I know I bored her. I tried to carry a conversation (my single worst trait by the way) but responces were like dead ends. She left it practiclly impossble to continue on any one subject and eventually I basiclly gave up. I'm also 95% sure she agreed to go out with me because shes too nice to say no. Food was good at least! Practice makes perfect. As you get more experience talking to others, it will improve. Considering taking a stand-up comedy class if you want some extra help with that. On May 03 2013 06:32 Shady Sands wrote:On May 03 2013 06:26 white_horse wrote:On May 03 2013 06:18 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:02 Orcasgt24 wrote:On April 24 2013 08:09 Orcasgt24 wrote:
I have a date tonight with a new girl from work. She moved to this city like 2 weeks ago. Very excited. Figured I'd post how it went for the hell of it. She spent most of the time either texting or talking to her friend from the city she moved from. Then quickly asked for the bill when the server came by. Total waste of both of our time. Obviously no second date coming lol. Sounds like you bored her. Consider telling a girl to put her phone away the next time this happens to you on a date, and walking out otherwise. Completely agree. It's not ok to even look at your phone once or twice during a date just because it's "only once or twice". Your attention should be 100% towards the other person, not 99% or 98%. If you're guilty of looking at your phone during a date a few times, good to cut the habit now, else you want to lose points from the other. I've gone on dates where she was in a conference call until the secondi arrived I hope you made her make it up to you. Nah it was okay, she felt bad and paid for dinner Sounds like a reasonable attempt to make it up to you. Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 07:33 Shady Sands wrote:On May 03 2013 07:25 Crying wrote:
One very very hardcore thing i learned thru experiece is DO NOT BE NEEDY/CLINGY
Women have an integrated radar for clingy/needy guys,and whenever they smell neediness they become defensive and repulsed by the man.
For instance:
A women doesn't answer a message of some guy,or ignores him for a bit (This is a shit test).
He gets really upset and starts to message her/call her/try to find her super agressively,even saying things like,"Are you dodging me."
Immediately she smells neediness and that guy becomes the typical "another",or someone she can toy around with,or as PUA say it "Emotional Dog",it's just like a dog,she gives him a cookie from time to time(Messaging,Chatting,Seeing)and he thinks of getting into her pants,when he has no chance whatsover once he becomes "Emotional dog",he just responds POSITIVELY to everythign she does,no matter what it is,he NEVER makes her feel bad for what she done,typical "Emotional Dog" attitude.
One thing else, DO NOT give out validation to FEMALES unless they give it to you first,no matter how attractive they are never value a girl by her attractiveness,because there are many attractive WOMEN out there,MANY!
By giving no validation she seems confused and scared,because she never had negative attitude towards her(I DONT MEAN CURSING HER/INSULTING HER),i mean when she says "Omg look at my hair its so beautiful today" you can always shit test her with oh well,u have something on your hair lemme remove it(this is a huge neg for women)or just say "I've seen better."
Don't be scared of a response of a girl EVER,she should be scared of YOUR actions,and you should not be scared of ANYTHING she does or says,that makes you beta as fuck.
I used to pump myself up this way too. After awhile you just want to stop being an asshole. Don't count it as a win if you can get a girl simply by acting 'cocky/funny'. Count it as a win if you can wake up beside her the next morning having simply spent the entire past 24 hours as yourself. Count it as a win if you change yourself to become the kind of person who is naturally cocky and funny.
It's alrdy a loss if you have to change yourself period. This is the PUA crap I talked about weeks ago in this thread earlier.
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On May 03 2013 09:26 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 08:24 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 07:34 Shady Sands wrote:On May 03 2013 06:47 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:41 Orcasgt24 wrote:On May 03 2013 06:26 white_horse wrote:On May 03 2013 06:18 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:02 Orcasgt24 wrote:On April 24 2013 08:09 Orcasgt24 wrote:
I have a date tonight with a new girl from work. She moved to this city like 2 weeks ago. Very excited. Figured I'd post how it went for the hell of it. She spent most of the time either texting or talking to her friend from the city she moved from. Then quickly asked for the bill when the server came by. Total waste of both of our time. Obviously no second date coming lol. Sounds like you bored her. Consider telling a girl to put her phone away the next time this happens to you on a date, and walking out otherwise. Completely agree. It's not ok to even look at your phone once or twice during a date just because it's "only once or twice". Your attention should be 100% towards the other person, not 99% or 98%. If you're guilty of looking at your phone during a date a few times, good to cut the habit now, else you want to lose points from the other. I know I bored her. I tried to carry a conversation (my single worst trait by the way) but responces were like dead ends. She left it practiclly impossble to continue on any one subject and eventually I basiclly gave up. I'm also 95% sure she agreed to go out with me because shes too nice to say no. Food was good at least! Practice makes perfect. As you get more experience talking to others, it will improve. Considering taking a stand-up comedy class if you want some extra help with that. On May 03 2013 06:32 Shady Sands wrote:On May 03 2013 06:26 white_horse wrote:On May 03 2013 06:18 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:02 Orcasgt24 wrote:On April 24 2013 08:09 Orcasgt24 wrote:
I have a date tonight with a new girl from work. She moved to this city like 2 weeks ago. Very excited. Figured I'd post how it went for the hell of it. She spent most of the time either texting or talking to her friend from the city she moved from. Then quickly asked for the bill when the server came by. Total waste of both of our time. Obviously no second date coming lol. Sounds like you bored her. Consider telling a girl to put her phone away the next time this happens to you on a date, and walking out otherwise. Completely agree. It's not ok to even look at your phone once or twice during a date just because it's "only once or twice". Your attention should be 100% towards the other person, not 99% or 98%. If you're guilty of looking at your phone during a date a few times, good to cut the habit now, else you want to lose points from the other. I've gone on dates where she was in a conference call until the secondi arrived I hope you made her make it up to you. Nah it was okay, she felt bad and paid for dinner Sounds like a reasonable attempt to make it up to you. On May 03 2013 07:33 Shady Sands wrote:On May 03 2013 07:25 Crying wrote:
One very very hardcore thing i learned thru experiece is DO NOT BE NEEDY/CLINGY
Women have an integrated radar for clingy/needy guys,and whenever they smell neediness they become defensive and repulsed by the man.
For instance:
A women doesn't answer a message of some guy,or ignores him for a bit (This is a shit test).
He gets really upset and starts to message her/call her/try to find her super agressively,even saying things like,"Are you dodging me."
Immediately she smells neediness and that guy becomes the typical "another",or someone she can toy around with,or as PUA say it "Emotional Dog",it's just like a dog,she gives him a cookie from time to time(Messaging,Chatting,Seeing)and he thinks of getting into her pants,when he has no chance whatsover once he becomes "Emotional dog",he just responds POSITIVELY to everythign she does,no matter what it is,he NEVER makes her feel bad for what she done,typical "Emotional Dog" attitude.
One thing else, DO NOT give out validation to FEMALES unless they give it to you first,no matter how attractive they are never value a girl by her attractiveness,because there are many attractive WOMEN out there,MANY!
By giving no validation she seems confused and scared,because she never had negative attitude towards her(I DONT MEAN CURSING HER/INSULTING HER),i mean when she says "Omg look at my hair its so beautiful today" you can always shit test her with oh well,u have something on your hair lemme remove it(this is a huge neg for women)or just say "I've seen better."
Don't be scared of a response of a girl EVER,she should be scared of YOUR actions,and you should not be scared of ANYTHING she does or says,that makes you beta as fuck.
I used to pump myself up this way too. After awhile you just want to stop being an asshole. Don't count it as a win if you can get a girl simply by acting 'cocky/funny'. Count it as a win if you can wake up beside her the next morning having simply spent the entire past 24 hours as yourself. Count it as a win if you change yourself to become the kind of person who is naturally cocky and funny. It's alrdy a loss if you have to change yourself period. This is the PUA crap I talked about weeks ago in this thread earlier.
Yeah, go ahead and keep on being a loser, even if you're unhappy.
Don't change yourself in any way, whether it's improving your career, getting in shape, learning social skills, or developing a sense of self-respect. Just be yourself, and since the universe is always fair you'll eventually find someone, and they'll be exactly what you want!
Successful people like CEOs, world leaders, pro athletes, geniuses? They were always that awesome, and never changed themselves from the day they were born. Self-improvement is totally a loss, amirite?
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On May 03 2013 13:11 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 09:26 Zooper31 wrote:On May 03 2013 08:24 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 07:34 Shady Sands wrote:On May 03 2013 06:47 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:41 Orcasgt24 wrote:On May 03 2013 06:26 white_horse wrote:On May 03 2013 06:18 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:02 Orcasgt24 wrote:On April 24 2013 08:09 Orcasgt24 wrote:
I have a date tonight with a new girl from work. She moved to this city like 2 weeks ago. Very excited. Figured I'd post how it went for the hell of it. She spent most of the time either texting or talking to her friend from the city she moved from. Then quickly asked for the bill when the server came by. Total waste of both of our time. Obviously no second date coming lol. Sounds like you bored her. Consider telling a girl to put her phone away the next time this happens to you on a date, and walking out otherwise. Completely agree. It's not ok to even look at your phone once or twice during a date just because it's "only once or twice". Your attention should be 100% towards the other person, not 99% or 98%. If you're guilty of looking at your phone during a date a few times, good to cut the habit now, else you want to lose points from the other. I know I bored her. I tried to carry a conversation (my single worst trait by the way) but responces were like dead ends. She left it practiclly impossble to continue on any one subject and eventually I basiclly gave up. I'm also 95% sure she agreed to go out with me because shes too nice to say no. Food was good at least! Practice makes perfect. As you get more experience talking to others, it will improve. Considering taking a stand-up comedy class if you want some extra help with that. On May 03 2013 06:32 Shady Sands wrote:On May 03 2013 06:26 white_horse wrote:On May 03 2013 06:18 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:02 Orcasgt24 wrote:On April 24 2013 08:09 Orcasgt24 wrote:
I have a date tonight with a new girl from work. She moved to this city like 2 weeks ago. Very excited. Figured I'd post how it went for the hell of it. She spent most of the time either texting or talking to her friend from the city she moved from. Then quickly asked for the bill when the server came by. Total waste of both of our time. Obviously no second date coming lol. Sounds like you bored her. Consider telling a girl to put her phone away the next time this happens to you on a date, and walking out otherwise. Completely agree. It's not ok to even look at your phone once or twice during a date just because it's "only once or twice". Your attention should be 100% towards the other person, not 99% or 98%. If you're guilty of looking at your phone during a date a few times, good to cut the habit now, else you want to lose points from the other. I've gone on dates where she was in a conference call until the secondi arrived I hope you made her make it up to you. Nah it was okay, she felt bad and paid for dinner Sounds like a reasonable attempt to make it up to you. On May 03 2013 07:33 Shady Sands wrote:On May 03 2013 07:25 Crying wrote:
One very very hardcore thing i learned thru experiece is DO NOT BE NEEDY/CLINGY
Women have an integrated radar for clingy/needy guys,and whenever they smell neediness they become defensive and repulsed by the man.
For instance:
A women doesn't answer a message of some guy,or ignores him for a bit (This is a shit test).
He gets really upset and starts to message her/call her/try to find her super agressively,even saying things like,"Are you dodging me."
Immediately she smells neediness and that guy becomes the typical "another",or someone she can toy around with,or as PUA say it "Emotional Dog",it's just like a dog,she gives him a cookie from time to time(Messaging,Chatting,Seeing)and he thinks of getting into her pants,when he has no chance whatsover once he becomes "Emotional dog",he just responds POSITIVELY to everythign she does,no matter what it is,he NEVER makes her feel bad for what she done,typical "Emotional Dog" attitude.
One thing else, DO NOT give out validation to FEMALES unless they give it to you first,no matter how attractive they are never value a girl by her attractiveness,because there are many attractive WOMEN out there,MANY!
By giving no validation she seems confused and scared,because she never had negative attitude towards her(I DONT MEAN CURSING HER/INSULTING HER),i mean when she says "Omg look at my hair its so beautiful today" you can always shit test her with oh well,u have something on your hair lemme remove it(this is a huge neg for women)or just say "I've seen better."
Don't be scared of a response of a girl EVER,she should be scared of YOUR actions,and you should not be scared of ANYTHING she does or says,that makes you beta as fuck.
I used to pump myself up this way too. After awhile you just want to stop being an asshole. Don't count it as a win if you can get a girl simply by acting 'cocky/funny'. Count it as a win if you can wake up beside her the next morning having simply spent the entire past 24 hours as yourself. Count it as a win if you change yourself to become the kind of person who is naturally cocky and funny. It's alrdy a loss if you have to change yourself period. This is the PUA crap I talked about weeks ago in this thread earlier. Yeah, go ahead and keep on being a loser, even if you're unhappy. Don't change yourself in any way, whether it's improving your career, getting in shape, learning social skills, or developing a sense of self-respect. Just be yourself, and since the universe is always fair you'll eventually find someone, and they'll be exactly what you want! Successful people like CEOs, world leaders, pro athletes, geniuses? They were always that awesome, and never changed themselves from the day they were born. Self-improvement is totally a loss, amirite?
Theres a difference between self-improvement and changing who you are. Learn the difference and lose the sarcasm.
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On May 03 2013 13:17 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 13:11 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 09:26 Zooper31 wrote:On May 03 2013 08:24 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 07:34 Shady Sands wrote:On May 03 2013 06:47 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:41 Orcasgt24 wrote:On May 03 2013 06:26 white_horse wrote:On May 03 2013 06:18 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:02 Orcasgt24 wrote:
[quote]
Figured I'd post how it went for the hell of it.
She spent most of the time either texting or talking to her friend from the city she moved from. Then quickly asked for the bill when the server came by. Total waste of both of our time. Obviously no second date coming lol. Sounds like you bored her. Consider telling a girl to put her phone away the next time this happens to you on a date, and walking out otherwise. Completely agree. It's not ok to even look at your phone once or twice during a date just because it's "only once or twice". Your attention should be 100% towards the other person, not 99% or 98%. If you're guilty of looking at your phone during a date a few times, good to cut the habit now, else you want to lose points from the other. I know I bored her. I tried to carry a conversation (my single worst trait by the way) but responces were like dead ends. She left it practiclly impossble to continue on any one subject and eventually I basiclly gave up. I'm also 95% sure she agreed to go out with me because shes too nice to say no. Food was good at least! Practice makes perfect. As you get more experience talking to others, it will improve. Considering taking a stand-up comedy class if you want some extra help with that. On May 03 2013 06:32 Shady Sands wrote:On May 03 2013 06:26 white_horse wrote:On May 03 2013 06:18 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:02 Orcasgt24 wrote:
[quote]
Figured I'd post how it went for the hell of it.
She spent most of the time either texting or talking to her friend from the city she moved from. Then quickly asked for the bill when the server came by. Total waste of both of our time. Obviously no second date coming lol. Sounds like you bored her. Consider telling a girl to put her phone away the next time this happens to you on a date, and walking out otherwise. Completely agree. It's not ok to even look at your phone once or twice during a date just because it's "only once or twice". Your attention should be 100% towards the other person, not 99% or 98%. If you're guilty of looking at your phone during a date a few times, good to cut the habit now, else you want to lose points from the other. I've gone on dates where she was in a conference call until the secondi arrived I hope you made her make it up to you. Nah it was okay, she felt bad and paid for dinner Sounds like a reasonable attempt to make it up to you. On May 03 2013 07:33 Shady Sands wrote:On May 03 2013 07:25 Crying wrote:
One very very hardcore thing i learned thru experiece is DO NOT BE NEEDY/CLINGY
Women have an integrated radar for clingy/needy guys,and whenever they smell neediness they become defensive and repulsed by the man.
For instance:
A women doesn't answer a message of some guy,or ignores him for a bit (This is a shit test).
He gets really upset and starts to message her/call her/try to find her super agressively,even saying things like,"Are you dodging me."
Immediately she smells neediness and that guy becomes the typical "another",or someone she can toy around with,or as PUA say it "Emotional Dog",it's just like a dog,she gives him a cookie from time to time(Messaging,Chatting,Seeing)and he thinks of getting into her pants,when he has no chance whatsover once he becomes "Emotional dog",he just responds POSITIVELY to everythign she does,no matter what it is,he NEVER makes her feel bad for what she done,typical "Emotional Dog" attitude.
One thing else, DO NOT give out validation to FEMALES unless they give it to you first,no matter how attractive they are never value a girl by her attractiveness,because there are many attractive WOMEN out there,MANY!
By giving no validation she seems confused and scared,because she never had negative attitude towards her(I DONT MEAN CURSING HER/INSULTING HER),i mean when she says "Omg look at my hair its so beautiful today" you can always shit test her with oh well,u have something on your hair lemme remove it(this is a huge neg for women)or just say "I've seen better."
Don't be scared of a response of a girl EVER,she should be scared of YOUR actions,and you should not be scared of ANYTHING she does or says,that makes you beta as fuck.
I used to pump myself up this way too. After awhile you just want to stop being an asshole. Don't count it as a win if you can get a girl simply by acting 'cocky/funny'. Count it as a win if you can wake up beside her the next morning having simply spent the entire past 24 hours as yourself. Count it as a win if you change yourself to become the kind of person who is naturally cocky and funny. It's alrdy a loss if you have to change yourself period. This is the PUA crap I talked about weeks ago in this thread earlier. Yeah, go ahead and keep on being a loser, even if you're unhappy. Don't change yourself in any way, whether it's improving your career, getting in shape, learning social skills, or developing a sense of self-respect. Just be yourself, and since the universe is always fair you'll eventually find someone, and they'll be exactly what you want! Successful people like CEOs, world leaders, pro athletes, geniuses? They were always that awesome, and never changed themselves from the day they were born. Self-improvement is totally a loss, amirite? Theres a difference between self-improvement and changing who you are. Learn the difference and lose the sarcasm.
Self-improvement is a form of change (the sarcasm was highlighting that this should be obvious to anyone not playing a semantics game). Becoming a person who is naturally cocky and funny as was discussed, for example, is an improvement over boring and unfunny. If you're lazy, becoming motivated is a change too. And so forth.
Everyone changes who they are. Changes can be both for the better or the worse, they can be slow or fast, and they can be deliberate or accidental. Why not deliberately change yourself for the better?
My biggest advice for anyone who wants to improve their dating success is to improve themselves. Pick-up skill can be an improvement on your marketing, but ultimately, you want to improve the product: you. Change yourself into the best person you could possibly be for its own sake, and having your pick of women is just one positive side effect of your success.
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I just had a great run-in with a pretty girl who lives on my block. I always see her on the way to the train in the morning. The other day, I took my lunch and saw her walk up to my table on the terrace. She works in the same part of the city I work in. I said, "Hey, you live on my block."
She said, "Yes, I do." Then she smiled at me, I shook her hand, asked her for her name, then let her get back to her KFC with her co-workers. Then after I was done reading, I stood up, said "Nice meeting you," and went back to work. There was definite smiliness and at least some curiosity and interest...well, at least on my part.
It's a seed, but I think there's a romantic comedy that started the same way. Right? Right??
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Not very good it would seem, I've never been on a date... Then again, I've only actually asked out two girls; was shot down both times.
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On May 03 2013 06:47 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 06:41 Orcasgt24 wrote:On May 03 2013 06:26 white_horse wrote:On May 03 2013 06:18 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:02 Orcasgt24 wrote:On April 24 2013 08:09 Orcasgt24 wrote:
I have a date tonight with a new girl from work. She moved to this city like 2 weeks ago. Very excited. Figured I'd post how it went for the hell of it. She spent most of the time either texting or talking to her friend from the city she moved from. Then quickly asked for the bill when the server came by. Total waste of both of our time. Obviously no second date coming lol. Sounds like you bored her. Consider telling a girl to put her phone away the next time this happens to you on a date, and walking out otherwise. Completely agree. It's not ok to even look at your phone once or twice during a date just because it's "only once or twice". Your attention should be 100% towards the other person, not 99% or 98%. If you're guilty of looking at your phone during a date a few times, good to cut the habit now, else you want to lose points from the other. I know I bored her. I tried to carry a conversation (my single worst trait by the way) but responces were like dead ends. She left it practiclly impossble to continue on any one subject and eventually I basiclly gave up. I'm also 95% sure she agreed to go out with me because shes too nice to say no. Food was good at least! Practice makes perfect. As you get more experience talking to others, it will improve. Considering taking a stand-up comedy class if you want some extra help with that.
I have troubles understanding the recommendation for stand-up comedy, even though I hear it a lot - mostly from Americans. Are those classes that common over there and what do you actually learn from them?
Technically I imagine you want the skills from it with which you can become more outspoken instead of having internal monologues but on the other hand the idea of saying things to entertain an audience seems like a horrible focus. oo
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On May 03 2013 14:01 wUndertUnge wrote:
I just had a great run-in with a pretty girl who lives on my block. I always see her on the way to the train in the morning. The other day, I took my lunch and saw her walk up to my table on the terrace. She works in the same part of the city I work in. I said, "Hey, you live on my block."
She said, "Yes, I do." Then she smiled at me, I shook her hand, asked her for her name, then let her get back to her KFC with her co-workers. Then after I was done reading, I stood up, said "Nice meeting you," and went back to work. There was definite smiliness and at least some curiosity and interest...well, at least on my part.
It's a seed, but I think there's a romantic comedy that started the same way. Right? Right??
It's not uncommon for a girl to smile when she is being talked to by a "normal" random person, I wouldn't try to read too much into it. See it more as a "You don't seem threatening" which opens up the road for further conversation. Ideally you want to take that hint and transition into something, whether it's the good old "Are you stalking me?" or random blabbering about the train to work that day or telling her that one of her friends is cute and whether she can introduce you to her.
She didn't bite/shoot/call the cops on you after your first sentence. You're good to say more. =P
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On May 03 2013 14:12 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 06:47 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:41 Orcasgt24 wrote:On May 03 2013 06:26 white_horse wrote:On May 03 2013 06:18 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 06:02 Orcasgt24 wrote:On April 24 2013 08:09 Orcasgt24 wrote:
I have a date tonight with a new girl from work. She moved to this city like 2 weeks ago. Very excited. Figured I'd post how it went for the hell of it. She spent most of the time either texting or talking to her friend from the city she moved from. Then quickly asked for the bill when the server came by. Total waste of both of our time. Obviously no second date coming lol. Sounds like you bored her. Consider telling a girl to put her phone away the next time this happens to you on a date, and walking out otherwise. Completely agree. It's not ok to even look at your phone once or twice during a date just because it's "only once or twice". Your attention should be 100% towards the other person, not 99% or 98%. If you're guilty of looking at your phone during a date a few times, good to cut the habit now, else you want to lose points from the other. I know I bored her. I tried to carry a conversation (my single worst trait by the way) but responces were like dead ends. She left it practiclly impossble to continue on any one subject and eventually I basiclly gave up. I'm also 95% sure she agreed to go out with me because shes too nice to say no. Food was good at least! Practice makes perfect. As you get more experience talking to others, it will improve. Considering taking a stand-up comedy class if you want some extra help with that. I have troubles understanding the recommendation for stand-up comedy, even though I hear it a lot - mostly from Americans. Are those classes that common over there and what do you actually learn from them? [/Quote]
They're not exceedingly common, but they exist. I'm sure you can use Google to find some resources online as well.
On May 03 2013 14:12 r.Evo wrote:
Technically I imagine you want the skills from it with which you can become more outspoken instead of having internal monologues but on the other hand the idea of saying things to entertain an audience seems like a horrible focus. oo
Yeah, it's the skills you learn from doing it. Being taught public speaking skills, how to read social atmospheres, and how to make people laugh all improve your conversational skills.
The fact that you fear it (to be fair, most people are terrified of public speaking) means that you can probably learn a lot from it.
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On May 03 2013 14:17 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 14:12 r.Evo wrote:
Technically I imagine you want the skills from it with which you can become more outspoken instead of having internal monologues but on the other hand the idea of saying things to entertain an audience seems like a horrible focus. oo Yeah, it's the skills you learn from doing it. Being taught public speaking skills, how to read social atmospheres, and how to make people laugh all improve your conversational skills. The fact that you fear it (to be fair, most people are terrified of public speaking) means that you can probably learn a lot from it.
I'm teaching people to speak in front of 2-500 people myself, that's why I was mostly asking. I hear the comparison of some of my seminars to stand up comedy a lot but I don't actually have any experience "learning" it properly. Got any good online resource at hand?
I really think this might be a mostly American thing because over here I can't find anything besides small workshops around events over here in a reasonable distance. Germans no humor confirmed.
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Been lurking this thread quite a time, so I thought I'm gonna share my stories as well. I'm no native speaker, so excuse my bad english ^^
I'm 20 years old and had thus far 2 relationships. The first one lasted for about 4 month and was more like a "uh I finally have a girlfriend-relationship". Hence we didn't fit that good overall.
My second relationship lasted for 3 years and we broke up 3 month ago. She was kinda my first real love I'd say, but in the last 4-6 month we departed more and more. In the end I didn't even have the feeling that she was my girlfriend as we just were already that far away from each other. We spoke about that fact several times, but after those 4-6 month of disappointment we came to the conclusion that it would be better to just break up the relationship.
Three month have passed, and I started to recognise other girls more and more again. I study medicine in the third term and this term we have an anatomic tutorial as well, where we are close with 7 other students working on one corpse.
There I started to talk a lot with a girl and began to really like her, as we could talk about literally everything and were having a lot of fun doing so. Additionally, just as I, she likes sport as well. So two days ago I made up my mind for asking her out for a date. I thought drinking a coffee is too much of a stereotype, hence I asked her to go rock climbing with me next week.She was having a big smile on her face and said that of course she'd like to do so with me  Right now I'm really looking forward to next week and hoping for the best.
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On May 03 2013 14:36 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 14:17 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 14:12 r.Evo wrote:
Technically I imagine you want the skills from it with which you can become more outspoken instead of having internal monologues but on the other hand the idea of saying things to entertain an audience seems like a horrible focus. oo Yeah, it's the skills you learn from doing it. Being taught public speaking skills, how to read social atmospheres, and how to make people laugh all improve your conversational skills. The fact that you fear it (to be fair, most people are terrified of public speaking) means that you can probably learn a lot from it. I'm teaching people to speak in front of 2-500 people myself, that's why I was mostly asking. I hear the comparison of some of my seminars to stand up comedy a lot but I don't actually have any experience "learning" it properly. Got any good online resource at hand?
Most online resources are devoted to refining someone who is already a budding comedian, rather than teaching you how to be funny.
There's several minutes of beginner instruction here
This book is a good resource, although a preview is obviously incomplete.
With no access to classes, I would suggest watching stand-up comedians on youtube, and develop an appreciation for humor. Considering you're not actually going to be performing, feel free to steal jokes (assuming they're still funny in German).
On May 03 2013 14:36 r.Evo wrote:I really think this might be a mostly American thing because over here I can't find anything besides small workshops around events over here in a reasonable distance. Germans no humor confirmed.
I laughed at that.
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On May 03 2013 14:40 Baumbart wrote:Been lurking this thread quite a time, so I thought I'm gonna share my stories as well. I'm no native speaker, so excuse my bad english ^^ I'm 20 years old and had thus far 2 relationships. The first one lasted for about 4 month and was more like a "uh I finally have a girlfriend-relationship". Hence we didn't fit that good overall. My second relationship lasted for 3 years and we broke up 3 month ago. She was kinda my first real love I'd say, but in the last 4-6 month we departed more and more. In the end I didn't even have the feeling that she was my girlfriend as we just were already that far away from each other. We spoke about that fact several times, but after those 4-6 month of disappointment we came to the conclusion that it would be better to just break up the relationship. Three month have passed, and I started to recognise other girls more and more again. I study medicine in the third term and this term we have an anatomic tutorial as well, where we are close with 7 other students working on one corpse. There I started to talk a lot with a girl and began to really like her, as we could talk about literally everything and were having a lot of fun doing so. Additionally, just as I, she likes sport as well. So two days ago I made up my mind for asking her out for a date. I thought drinking a coffee is too much of a stereotype, hence I asked her to go rock climbing with me next week.She was having a big smile on her face and said that of course she'd like to do so with me Right now I'm really looking forward to next week and hoping for the best.
You sir are doing it right. Just make sure that you end the date on a good note. Like walk her home or something or go get dinner
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On May 03 2013 07:25 Crying wrote:
One very very hardcore thing i learned thru experiece is DO NOT BE NEEDY/CLINGY
Women have an integrated radar for clingy/needy guys,and whenever they smell neediness they become defensive and repulsed by the man.
For instance:
A women doesn't answer a message of some guy,or ignores him for a bit (This is a shit test).
He gets really upset and starts to message her/call her/try to find her super agressively,even saying things like,"Are you dodging me."
Immediately she smells neediness and that guy becomes the typical "another",or someone she can toy around with,or as PUA say it "Emotional Dog",it's just like a dog,she gives him a cookie from time to time(Messaging,Chatting,Seeing)and he thinks of getting into her pants,when he has no chance whatsover once he becomes "Emotional dog",he just responds POSITIVELY to everythign she does,no matter what it is,he NEVER makes her feel bad for what she done,typical "Emotional Dog" attitude.
One thing else, DO NOT give out validation to FEMALES unless they give it to you first,no matter how attractive they are never value a girl by her attractiveness,because there are many attractive WOMEN out there,MANY!
By giving no validation she seems confused and scared,because she never had negative attitude towards her(I DONT MEAN CURSING HER/INSULTING HER),i mean when she says "Omg look at my hair its so beautiful today" you can always shit test her with oh well,u have something on your hair lemme remove it(this is a huge neg for women)or just say "I've seen better."
Don't be scared of a response of a girl EVER,she should be scared of YOUR actions,and you should not be scared of ANYTHING she does or says,that makes you beta as fuck.
congratulations you have first-hand knowledge of what I was talking about in an earlier post, the one about supplicant, combative, competitive, cooperative.
you were needy and trying to "buy acceptance by giving attention" (aka: you were a supplicant) and realized it didn't work. right now you are typical combative and find "more success than before". and you will stay that way until you stop overcompensating for your insecurities (neediness).
also, a lot of this post I agree with, such as
Women have an integrated radar for clingy/needy guys,and whenever they smell neediness they become defensive and repulsed by the man.
they absolutely do. in fact, humans are remarkably good at reading body-language (roughly 60% of human communication is body-language, 20% is spoken content, and 20% is vocal tonality), so good that you can often assume that everyone around you can read your mind.
but I disagree with a lot, such as
he just responds POSITIVELY to everythign she does,no matter what it is,he NEVER makes her feel bad for what she done,typical "Emotional Dog" attitude.
true, you shouldn't respond positively to everything, but responding negatively to everything and making her feel bad is overcompensating, it's fine to respond positively, as long as you don't always do it, and remember there are non-needy positives, these are called compliments, such as:
- "omg look at my hair it's so beautiful today"
I would say
- "really? wow your right" and if you wish you can add ", I didn't notice because your eyes are captivating"
this is not needy because she had to grab your attention and pull it to somewhere, as opposed to "yeah" which is needy because you just follow her lead.
it's fine to be emotional, in fact you should be emotional to some extent, but don't be a dog, and don't treat women like dogs.
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On May 03 2013 14:40 Baumbart wrote:Been lurking this thread quite a time, so I thought I'm gonna share my stories as well. I'm no native speaker, so excuse my bad english ^^ I'm 20 years old and had thus far 2 relationships. The first one lasted for about 4 month and was more like a "uh I finally have a girlfriend-relationship". Hence we didn't fit that good overall. My second relationship lasted for 3 years and we broke up 3 month ago. She was kinda my first real love I'd say, but in the last 4-6 month we departed more and more. In the end I didn't even have the feeling that she was my girlfriend as we just were already that far away from each other. We spoke about that fact several times, but after those 4-6 month of disappointment we came to the conclusion that it would be better to just break up the relationship. Three month have passed, and I started to recognise other girls more and more again. I study medicine in the third term and this term we have an anatomic tutorial as well, where we are close with 7 other students working on one corpse. There I started to talk a lot with a girl and began to really like her, as we could talk about literally everything and were having a lot of fun doing so. Additionally, just as I, she likes sport as well. So two days ago I made up my mind for asking her out for a date. I thought drinking a coffee is too much of a stereotype, hence I asked her to go rock climbing with me next week.She was having a big smile on her face and said that of course she'd like to do so with me Right now I'm really looking forward to next week and hoping for the best.
GLHF!
also: bonding over corpses, the picture in my head will never go away.
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I've been on an average of a date a week for a few months now, and I no longer feel anything when something doesn't pan out after the 2nd or 3rd date.
So there's that.
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EPT
