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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On May 02 2013 21:18 biology]major wrote:Show nested quote +On May 02 2013 21:11 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 21:04 marvellosity wrote:On May 02 2013 21:00 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 20:56 marvellosity wrote:On May 02 2013 20:46 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 20:41 mufin wrote:
indeed, sounds like 100% friendzone. so here is how I understand it:
she likes you, but does not consider you as a candidate for dating.
you like her, and considers her a candidate for dating.
there are many, many paths that can lead to this situation, what all of them have in common is that she thinks she can choose and she feels like she can choose someone better than you.
what you need to do is demonstrate that that is false. there are 3 ways of doing that, the very wrong way, the wrong way and the right way. don't do the wrong way or the very wrong way.
the very wrong way: lower her self-esteem until she doesn't think she good enough for those other guys. this results in you potentially getting her, but due to her lowered self-esteem she will not be a high-quality girlfriend. both of you end up unhappy.
the wrong way: try to "out-alpha" the other people around her. basically if you are a douche then she will be "the one with the douchey friend" and both of you are alienated from everyone else, naturally you will be the only candidate for dating, though it is quite likely that she will just cut you off instead of cutting off everyone else. result: either you are "happy" (has the girl) and she is unhappy (stuck with a douche), or you are unhappy (branded as douche and alone) and she is happy (with her friends, having forgotten about you).
you might wonder why I started with the wrong ways, thats because the right way is much more difficult, and if you do the right way wrong, it might very easily revert to one of the worse ways. DON'T DO THAT! VERY IMPORTANT! DON'T BE A DOUCHE! DON'T MAKE HER FEEL BAD! it might sound obvious (and it is) but it is a common mistake to overcompensate for some kind of insecurity and end up being a douche, or making her feel bad.
the right way: both wrong ways have 1 thing in common, they reduce her candidates for dating until you are on top, the right way is the opposite, demonstrate that she misjudged you and that you are a prime candidate for dating, a good way of doing this is show her that you are good at making friends, either her friends or just random strangers neither of you knew before, point is to have her see you making new friends. the ability to make friends is very closely related to how many dating options you have, and when you do this you basically say (through your actions, you don't speak it out) "hey, you have a bunch of options, so do I, that makes me attractive and you want to date me." and hell! you might just find another girlfriend while making friends with a bunch of people!
and yes, this actually works. given that you don't screw it up.
of course, demonstrating that you can make friends is not the only way of proving you are a dating candidate, but it is a really good one.
point is, you have to make her re-think your quality as a boyfriend, and this time you have to rank first. right now she thinks she has your personality pinned down, you must disrupt this by doing something she doesn't expect you would do, and it must be a positive change. that will make her brain go haywire and be forced to redefine your personality, and that's what you want.
ugh...life's too short to go through that much bullshit for a girl. "Look Susie! Look how many random people I can get to like me!" You have to become an actor, an entertainer, somewhat close to a clown to be liked by girls and random people in general. That's what you have to do if you want to have casual sex without sharing much with the other person. Quick wit and a ready smile is usually sufficient. It depends on how good the girl perceives she is. If you want to go for quality girls you have to invest a lot more. Of course there are ways to get girls easily, for example a progamer can easily get a fangirl even if he does everything wrong, but who would want someone with such a low value who is ready to surrender so easily? Does the value matter that much if you're just after some casual sex? I might be missing the context here ^^ Would you really have sex with ANY cute girl you see, regardless of her personality? If you find out a super stunning beauty is stupid and uninteresting as a brick and you have nothing in common with her does she really deserve your sperm more than a girl who actively enjoys life and is in constant research to make it worth living? Personally if I find out a girl is retarded I wouldn't even touch her with a stick, and there's many out there (just as many as the men, but we aren't concerned with them sexually, so who cares) that makes no sense, if you are going for casual sex and nothing more (even if it is just friends), personality has almost nothing to do with it. Unless shes so extreme that it freaks you out somehow.
If you are going for casual sex with any girl yeah, take the most drunk and desperate one, that works the best. Everyone has different standards after all, but in my experience that sucks really hard, it's a bit better than masturbating just because it feels good to have somebody to touch and cuddle in general, but the sex itself doesn't feel very rewarding.
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On May 02 2013 21:25 aTnClouD wrote:Show nested quote +On May 02 2013 21:18 biology]major wrote:On May 02 2013 21:11 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 21:04 marvellosity wrote:On May 02 2013 21:00 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 20:56 marvellosity wrote:On May 02 2013 20:46 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 20:41 mufin wrote:
indeed, sounds like 100% friendzone. so here is how I understand it:
she likes you, but does not consider you as a candidate for dating.
you like her, and considers her a candidate for dating.
there are many, many paths that can lead to this situation, what all of them have in common is that she thinks she can choose and she feels like she can choose someone better than you.
what you need to do is demonstrate that that is false. there are 3 ways of doing that, the very wrong way, the wrong way and the right way. don't do the wrong way or the very wrong way.
the very wrong way: lower her self-esteem until she doesn't think she good enough for those other guys. this results in you potentially getting her, but due to her lowered self-esteem she will not be a high-quality girlfriend. both of you end up unhappy.
the wrong way: try to "out-alpha" the other people around her. basically if you are a douche then she will be "the one with the douchey friend" and both of you are alienated from everyone else, naturally you will be the only candidate for dating, though it is quite likely that she will just cut you off instead of cutting off everyone else. result: either you are "happy" (has the girl) and she is unhappy (stuck with a douche), or you are unhappy (branded as douche and alone) and she is happy (with her friends, having forgotten about you).
you might wonder why I started with the wrong ways, thats because the right way is much more difficult, and if you do the right way wrong, it might very easily revert to one of the worse ways. DON'T DO THAT! VERY IMPORTANT! DON'T BE A DOUCHE! DON'T MAKE HER FEEL BAD! it might sound obvious (and it is) but it is a common mistake to overcompensate for some kind of insecurity and end up being a douche, or making her feel bad.
the right way: both wrong ways have 1 thing in common, they reduce her candidates for dating until you are on top, the right way is the opposite, demonstrate that she misjudged you and that you are a prime candidate for dating, a good way of doing this is show her that you are good at making friends, either her friends or just random strangers neither of you knew before, point is to have her see you making new friends. the ability to make friends is very closely related to how many dating options you have, and when you do this you basically say (through your actions, you don't speak it out) "hey, you have a bunch of options, so do I, that makes me attractive and you want to date me." and hell! you might just find another girlfriend while making friends with a bunch of people!
and yes, this actually works. given that you don't screw it up.
of course, demonstrating that you can make friends is not the only way of proving you are a dating candidate, but it is a really good one.
point is, you have to make her re-think your quality as a boyfriend, and this time you have to rank first. right now she thinks she has your personality pinned down, you must disrupt this by doing something she doesn't expect you would do, and it must be a positive change. that will make her brain go haywire and be forced to redefine your personality, and that's what you want.
ugh...life's too short to go through that much bullshit for a girl. "Look Susie! Look how many random people I can get to like me!" You have to become an actor, an entertainer, somewhat close to a clown to be liked by girls and random people in general. That's what you have to do if you want to have casual sex without sharing much with the other person. Quick wit and a ready smile is usually sufficient. It depends on how good the girl perceives she is. If you want to go for quality girls you have to invest a lot more. Of course there are ways to get girls easily, for example a progamer can easily get a fangirl even if he does everything wrong, but who would want someone with such a low value who is ready to surrender so easily? Does the value matter that much if you're just after some casual sex? I might be missing the context here ^^ Would you really have sex with ANY cute girl you see, regardless of her personality? If you find out a super stunning beauty is stupid and uninteresting as a brick and you have nothing in common with her does she really deserve your sperm more than a girl who actively enjoys life and is in constant research to make it worth living? Personally if I find out a girl is retarded I wouldn't even touch her with a stick, and there's many out there (just as many as the men, but we aren't concerned with them sexually, so who cares) that makes no sense, if you are going for casual sex and nothing more (even if it is just friends), personality has almost nothing to do with it. Unless shes so extreme that it freaks you out somehow. If you are going for casual sex with any girl yeah, take the most drunk and desperate one, that works the best. Everyone has different standards after all, but in my experience that sucks really hard, it's a bit better than masturbating just because it feels good to have somebody to touch and cuddle in general, but the sex itself doesn't feel very rewarding.
OK man, are you after casual sex, or rewarding sex?
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On May 02 2013 21:32 TOCHMY wrote:Show nested quote +On May 02 2013 21:25 aTnClouD wrote:
If you are going for casual sex with any girl yeah, take the most drunk and desperate one, that works the best. Everyone has different standards after all, but in my experience that sucks really hard, it's a bit better than masturbating just because it feels good to have somebody to touch and cuddle in general, but the sex itself doesn't feel very rewarding. OK man, are you after casual sex, or rewarding sex?
I wouldn't say those are mutually exclusive. so... both.
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On May 02 2013 21:45 Roblin wrote:Show nested quote +On May 02 2013 21:32 TOCHMY wrote:On May 02 2013 21:25 aTnClouD wrote:
If you are going for casual sex with any girl yeah, take the most drunk and desperate one, that works the best. Everyone has different standards after all, but in my experience that sucks really hard, it's a bit better than masturbating just because it feels good to have somebody to touch and cuddle in general, but the sex itself doesn't feel very rewarding. OK man, are you after casual sex, or rewarding sex? I wouldn't say those are mutually exclusive. so... both.
I'm just pulling his leg man.
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On May 02 2013 21:16 marvellosity wrote:Show nested quote +On May 02 2013 21:11 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 21:04 marvellosity wrote:On May 02 2013 21:00 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 20:56 marvellosity wrote:On May 02 2013 20:46 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 20:41 mufin wrote:
indeed, sounds like 100% friendzone. so here is how I understand it:
she likes you, but does not consider you as a candidate for dating.
you like her, and considers her a candidate for dating.
there are many, many paths that can lead to this situation, what all of them have in common is that she thinks she can choose and she feels like she can choose someone better than you.
what you need to do is demonstrate that that is false. there are 3 ways of doing that, the very wrong way, the wrong way and the right way. don't do the wrong way or the very wrong way.
the very wrong way: lower her self-esteem until she doesn't think she good enough for those other guys. this results in you potentially getting her, but due to her lowered self-esteem she will not be a high-quality girlfriend. both of you end up unhappy.
the wrong way: try to "out-alpha" the other people around her. basically if you are a douche then she will be "the one with the douchey friend" and both of you are alienated from everyone else, naturally you will be the only candidate for dating, though it is quite likely that she will just cut you off instead of cutting off everyone else. result: either you are "happy" (has the girl) and she is unhappy (stuck with a douche), or you are unhappy (branded as douche and alone) and she is happy (with her friends, having forgotten about you).
you might wonder why I started with the wrong ways, thats because the right way is much more difficult, and if you do the right way wrong, it might very easily revert to one of the worse ways. DON'T DO THAT! VERY IMPORTANT! DON'T BE A DOUCHE! DON'T MAKE HER FEEL BAD! it might sound obvious (and it is) but it is a common mistake to overcompensate for some kind of insecurity and end up being a douche, or making her feel bad.
the right way: both wrong ways have 1 thing in common, they reduce her candidates for dating until you are on top, the right way is the opposite, demonstrate that she misjudged you and that you are a prime candidate for dating, a good way of doing this is show her that you are good at making friends, either her friends or just random strangers neither of you knew before, point is to have her see you making new friends. the ability to make friends is very closely related to how many dating options you have, and when you do this you basically say (through your actions, you don't speak it out) "hey, you have a bunch of options, so do I, that makes me attractive and you want to date me." and hell! you might just find another girlfriend while making friends with a bunch of people!
and yes, this actually works. given that you don't screw it up.
of course, demonstrating that you can make friends is not the only way of proving you are a dating candidate, but it is a really good one.
point is, you have to make her re-think your quality as a boyfriend, and this time you have to rank first. right now she thinks she has your personality pinned down, you must disrupt this by doing something she doesn't expect you would do, and it must be a positive change. that will make her brain go haywire and be forced to redefine your personality, and that's what you want.
ugh...life's too short to go through that much bullshit for a girl. "Look Susie! Look how many random people I can get to like me!" You have to become an actor, an entertainer, somewhat close to a clown to be liked by girls and random people in general. That's what you have to do if you want to have casual sex without sharing much with the other person. Quick wit and a ready smile is usually sufficient. It depends on how good the girl perceives she is. If you want to go for quality girls you have to invest a lot more. Of course there are ways to get girls easily, for example a progamer can easily get a fangirl even if he does everything wrong, but who would want someone with such a low value who is ready to surrender so easily? Does the value matter that much if you're just after some casual sex? I might be missing the context here ^^ Would you really have sex with ANY cute girl you see, regardless of her personality? If you find out a super stunning beauty is stupid and uninteresting as a brick and you have nothing in common with her does she really deserve your sperm more than a girl who actively enjoys life and is in constant research to make it worth living? Personally if I find out a girl is retarded I wouldn't even touch her with a stick, and there's many out there (just as many as the men, but we aren't concerned with them sexually, so who cares) No, but that's what alcohol is for.
...and yeah... sorry for being that guy... But if you realize all of this... and you have the chance to have sex with a beautiful girl (knowing you probably wont have anything to do with her afterwards)... Well, why not still have a good time? It's not like sex is a bad thing for either of you?
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Just think about what you are actually after. Just saying "casual sex" becuase you heard someone else say it doesn't really mean anything.
If you are after a one night stand kind of thing, then it probably doesnt matter what they are like, so long as there is mutual attraction. Who cares if the person would bore you over the long term, you're never going to see them again. If you are attracted to them for long enough to spend and evening with them, that's enough right? I assume that's not what we're talking about since there's nothing to really talk about. You go to a bar and find someone.
If you are after a 'friends with benefits' thing, then the most important thing is that they are a good friend, someone you find interesting etc. It's friends with benefits, not benefits with friendship, so her personality totally does matter.
xx
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On May 02 2013 20:34 Roblin wrote:Show nested quote +On May 02 2013 18:13 Mentalizor wrote:
Guys... I need some tips, okay?
So a short introduction to me would basicly include me having a girlfriend from age 16 through 24 (7½ years with the same girl)... But she dumped me in november... Well, I've never had issues talking to-, dancing with- og flirting with girls. So sure, I've had a few since then... But last saturday I went to a party at a friends house... Long story short - I end up with my friends sister. Both my friend and the girl are cool with it - but it's somehow holding me back. I saw her again last night and had an amazing time... But I still feel it's odd being my friends sister...
Any thoughts on dating your friends sisters? Because this girl is actually pretty terrific, but I can feel I'm holding back... a lot... sounds like the only one that has an issue with it is... you? anyway, if everyone are perfectly happy, then it should be fine, the issue might be if/when everyone are not perfectly happy. for example if you make her upset, that might have a negative impact on your friendship with her brother, though I would say go for it and make the most of it. Show nested quote +On May 02 2013 19:59 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 19:08 MagmaPunch wrote:
Hey guys, I am at a crossroad xD. So, there is this girl, we went out once, it was all perfectly fine. She is however the type of person that you have to go slow with, so I didn't have the oppurunity to kiss her. Anyway, she confessed that she likes me, but just doesn't feel the same way I do and she said that she would go out with me again in the future (now this sounds like a 100% friendzone, but believe me, it doesn't feel exactly like that) So what do I do? Do I move on and look for another possibilities or do I keep fighting. It is more logical to give up, but personally , I hate giving up, I've said to myself that I would keep going until everything becomes futile.I'd really appreciate your advice haha.
PS: And I forgot to mention, the girl is definitely worth it xd . She's making you chase her, imo there's nothing to win there. agreed, nothing can be done while you are chasing her. but what if you can make her chase you? Show nested quote +On May 02 2013 19:08 MagmaPunch wrote:
Hey guys, I am at a crossroad xD. So, there is this girl, we went out once, it was all perfectly fine. She is however the type of person that you have to go slow with, so I didn't have the oppurunity to kiss her. Anyway, she confessed that she likes me, but just doesn't feel the same way I do and she said that she would go out with me again in the future (now this sounds like a 100% friendzone, but believe me, it doesn't feel exactly like that) So what do I do? Do I move on and look for another possibilities or do I keep fighting. It is more logical to give up, but personally , I hate giving up, I've said to myself that I would keep going until everything becomes futile.I'd really appreciate your advice haha.
PS: And I forgot to mention, the girl is definitely worth it xd . indeed, sounds like 100% friendzone. so here is how I understand it: she likes you, but does not consider you as a candidate for dating. you like her, and considers her a candidate for dating. there are many, many paths that can lead to this situation, what all of them have in common is that she thinks she can choose and she feels like she can choose someone better than you. what you need to do is demonstrate that that is false. there are 3 ways of doing that, the very wrong way, the wrong way and the right way. don't do the wrong way or the very wrong way. the very wrong way: lower her self-esteem until she doesn't think she good enough for those other guys. this results in you potentially getting her, but due to her lowered self-esteem she will not be a high-quality girlfriend. both of you end up unhappy. the wrong way: try to "out-alpha" the other people around her. basically if you are a douche then she will be "the one with the douchey friend" and both of you are alienated from everyone else, naturally you will be the only candidate for dating, though it is quite likely that she will just cut you off instead of cutting off everyone else. result: either you are "happy" (has the girl) and she is unhappy (stuck with a douche), or you are unhappy (branded as douche and alone) and she is happy (with her friends, having forgotten about you). you might wonder why I started with the wrong ways, thats because the right way is much more difficult, and if you do the right way wrong, it might very easily revert to one of the worse ways. DON'T DO THAT! VERY IMPORTANT! DON'T BE A DOUCHE! DON'T MAKE HER FEEL BAD! it might sound obvious (and it is) but it is a common mistake to overcompensate for some kind of insecurity and end up being a douche, or making her feel bad. the right way: both wrong ways have 1 thing in common, they reduce her candidates for dating until you are on top, the right way is the opposite, demonstrate that she misjudged you and that you are a prime candidate for dating, a good way of doing this is show her that you are good at making friends, either her friends or just random strangers neither of you knew before, point is to have her see you making new friends. the ability to make friends is very closely related to how many dating options you have, and when you do this you basically say (through your actions, you don't speak it out) "hey, you have a bunch of options, so do I, that makes me attractive and you want to date me." and hell! you might just find another girlfriend while making friends with a bunch of people! and yes, this actually works. given that you don't screw it up. of course, demonstrating that you can make friends is not the only way of proving you are a dating candidate, but it is a really good one. point is, you have to make her re-think your quality as a boyfriend, and this time you have to rank first. right now she thinks she has your personality pinned down, you must disrupt this by doing something she doesn't expect you would do, and it must be a positive change. that will make her brain go haywire and be forced to redefine your personality, and that's what you want.
How bout a combination of all 3 ways?
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On May 02 2013 20:34 Roblin wrote:
indeed, sounds like 100% friendzone. so here is how I understand it:
she likes you, but does not consider you as a candidate for dating.
you like her, and considers her a candidate for dating.
there are many, many paths that can lead to this situation, what all of them have in common is that she thinks she can choose and she feels like she can choose someone better than you.
what you need to do is demonstrate that that is false. there are 3 ways of doing that, the very wrong way, the wrong way and the right way. don't do the wrong way or the very wrong way.
the very wrong way: lower her self-esteem until she doesn't think she good enough for those other guys. this results in you potentially getting her, but due to her lowered self-esteem she will not be a high-quality girlfriend. both of you end up unhappy.
the wrong way: try to "out-alpha" the other people around her. basically if you are a douche then she will be "the one with the douchey friend" and both of you are alienated from everyone else, naturally you will be the only candidate for dating, though it is quite likely that she will just cut you off instead of cutting off everyone else. result: either you are "happy" (has the girl) and she is unhappy (stuck with a douche), or you are unhappy (branded as douche and alone) and she is happy (with her friends, having forgotten about you).
you might wonder why I started with the wrong ways, thats because the right way is much more difficult, and if you do the right way wrong, it might very easily revert to one of the worse ways. DON'T DO THAT! VERY IMPORTANT! DON'T BE A DOUCHE! DON'T MAKE HER FEEL BAD! it might sound obvious (and it is) but it is a common mistake to overcompensate for some kind of insecurity and end up being a douche, or making her feel bad.
the right way: both wrong ways have 1 thing in common, they reduce her candidates for dating until you are on top, the right way is the opposite, demonstrate that she misjudged you and that you are a prime candidate for dating, a good way of doing this is show her that you are good at making friends, either her friends or just random strangers neither of you knew before, point is to have her see you making new friends. the ability to make friends is very closely related to how many dating options you have, and when you do this you basically say (through your actions, you don't speak it out) "hey, you have a bunch of options, so do I, that makes me attractive and you want to date me." and hell! you might just find another girlfriend while making friends with a bunch of people!
and yes, this actually works. given that you don't screw it up.
of course, demonstrating that you can make friends is not the only way of proving you are a dating candidate, but it is a really good one.
point is, you have to make her re-think your quality as a boyfriend, and this time you have to rank first. right now she thinks she has your personality pinned down, you must disrupt this by doing something she doesn't expect you would do, and it must be a positive change. that will make her brain go haywire and be forced to redefine your personality, and that's what you want.
"Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world!"
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I completely fucked up a Wednesday date, but she says we can do a Saturday date to 'make it up'. Respect level improve, I like a girl who gives out second chances
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United Kingdom36156 Posts
On May 03 2013 01:21 Shady Sands wrote:
I completely fucked up a Wednesday date, but she says we can do a Saturday date to 'make it up'. Respect level improve, I like a girl who gives out second chances
Could I ask how you fucked it up?
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On May 03 2013 01:27 marvellosity wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 01:21 Shady Sands wrote:
I completely fucked up a Wednesday date, but she says we can do a Saturday date to 'make it up'. Respect level improve, I like a girl who gives out second chances Could I ask how you fucked it up?
Sure.
We just got to know each other Sunday. Flirting via text, but nothing too serious.
I said 6:15 at a restaurant by where we work on Tuesday morning. At 5:00 Wednesday, she tells me she's got extra work and suggests canceling. I go ahead and cancel, then tell her my evening might remain open if she gets off work. I tell her to play things by ear.
Around 5:30 I text her again, asking her when she thinks she might be done. She says she has no idea. Some cynical part of me says this is a hint she's not interested, so I decide to close things out by telling her that I'll be busy for the remainder of this week and next, and that we should stay in touch.
A half hour passes without a response from her, so I figure she's just doing the usual passive/polite approach to dialing off a relationship. I then decide to call up a female friend and use the dinner reservation on her.
At six thirty the first girl calls me - now she's free. I tell her sorry, my night's booked, and ask to reschedule to the weekend; she says no in a very pouty way. Then she tells me she's right outside the window where of the restaurant we were supposed to eat at and she's watching me eat with another girl. I'm thinking 'wtf I thought you weren't interested anymore'.
Anyhow, I cleared things up - turns out she's one of those girls that actually isn't bullshitting when they back out of dates last-second (unlike some girls who do that to give off hints), so we're now doing something Saturday.
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On May 03 2013 03:23 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 01:27 marvellosity wrote:On May 03 2013 01:21 Shady Sands wrote:
I completely fucked up a Wednesday date, but she says we can do a Saturday date to 'make it up'. Respect level improve, I like a girl who gives out second chances Could I ask how you fucked it up? Sure. We just got to know each other Sunday. Flirting via text, but nothing too serious. I said 6:15 at a restaurant by where we work on Tuesday morning. At 5:00 Wednesday, she tells me she's got extra work and suggests canceling. I go ahead and cancel, then tell her my evening might remain open if she gets off work. I tell her to play things by ear. Around 5:30 I text her again, asking her when she thinks she might be done. She says she has no idea. Some cynical part of me says this is a hint she's not interested, so I decide to close things out by telling her that I'll be busy for the remainder of this week and next, and that we should stay in touch. A half hour passes without a response from her, so I figure she's just doing the usual passive/polite approach to dialing off a relationship. I then decide to call up a female friend and use the dinner reservation on her. At six thirty the first girl calls me - now she's free. I tell her sorry, my night's booked, and ask to reschedule to the weekend; she says no in a very pouty way. Then she tells me she's right outside the window where of the restaurant we were supposed to eat at and she's watching me eat with another girl. I'm thinking 'wtf I thought you weren't interested anymore'. Anyhow, I cleared things up - turns out she's one of those girls that actually isn't bullshitting when they back out of dates last-second (unlike some girls who do that to give off hints), so we're now doing something Saturday.
Do you see, women of the world???? Do you see what you have made us men become??? Your damn mind games and unclear communication have driven us to the point of paranoia that all the things you do start looking like signals and goddamn hints! Now one of your sisters who actuallly tries to play this game legit ALMOST became a victim because she ALMOST lost the chance of a date with mr. Sands himself! Do you not see how you are destroying all that is good and happy!!!!!
Oh yeah and btw shady I don't think its a fuckup, apart from saying your busy for the rest of the week your reaction was pretty legit.
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Shady you're fine. You did everything just perfect.
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I'm kinda having the same problem as shady.
Girl has been cancelling on me, but we've been texting and talking, she laughs at almost everything I say, but it's been going for 2 weeks where she's always got something going on.(work and friends visiting from afar) once she even said "i'll see you Thursday?" but had to cancel as well. So confusing, it's like shes rejecting to see me and wants to see me and laughs at all the shit i say. I think she's just really busy but it makes me second guess....
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On May 03 2013 00:21 kaykaykay wrote:Show nested quote +On May 02 2013 20:34 Roblin wrote:On May 02 2013 18:13 Mentalizor wrote:
Guys... I need some tips, okay?
So a short introduction to me would basicly include me having a girlfriend from age 16 through 24 (7½ years with the same girl)... But she dumped me in november... Well, I've never had issues talking to-, dancing with- og flirting with girls. So sure, I've had a few since then... But last saturday I went to a party at a friends house... Long story short - I end up with my friends sister. Both my friend and the girl are cool with it - but it's somehow holding me back. I saw her again last night and had an amazing time... But I still feel it's odd being my friends sister...
Any thoughts on dating your friends sisters? Because this girl is actually pretty terrific, but I can feel I'm holding back... a lot... sounds like the only one that has an issue with it is... you? anyway, if everyone are perfectly happy, then it should be fine, the issue might be if/when everyone are not perfectly happy. for example if you make her upset, that might have a negative impact on your friendship with her brother, though I would say go for it and make the most of it. On May 02 2013 19:59 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 19:08 MagmaPunch wrote:
Hey guys, I am at a crossroad xD. So, there is this girl, we went out once, it was all perfectly fine. She is however the type of person that you have to go slow with, so I didn't have the oppurunity to kiss her. Anyway, she confessed that she likes me, but just doesn't feel the same way I do and she said that she would go out with me again in the future (now this sounds like a 100% friendzone, but believe me, it doesn't feel exactly like that) So what do I do? Do I move on and look for another possibilities or do I keep fighting. It is more logical to give up, but personally , I hate giving up, I've said to myself that I would keep going until everything becomes futile.I'd really appreciate your advice haha.
PS: And I forgot to mention, the girl is definitely worth it xd . She's making you chase her, imo there's nothing to win there. agreed, nothing can be done while you are chasing her. but what if you can make her chase you? On May 02 2013 19:08 MagmaPunch wrote:
Hey guys, I am at a crossroad xD. So, there is this girl, we went out once, it was all perfectly fine. She is however the type of person that you have to go slow with, so I didn't have the oppurunity to kiss her. Anyway, she confessed that she likes me, but just doesn't feel the same way I do and she said that she would go out with me again in the future (now this sounds like a 100% friendzone, but believe me, it doesn't feel exactly like that) So what do I do? Do I move on and look for another possibilities or do I keep fighting. It is more logical to give up, but personally , I hate giving up, I've said to myself that I would keep going until everything becomes futile.I'd really appreciate your advice haha.
PS: And I forgot to mention, the girl is definitely worth it xd . indeed, sounds like 100% friendzone. so here is how I understand it: she likes you, but does not consider you as a candidate for dating. you like her, and considers her a candidate for dating. there are many, many paths that can lead to this situation, what all of them have in common is that she thinks she can choose and she feels like she can choose someone better than you. what you need to do is demonstrate that that is false. there are 3 ways of doing that, the very wrong way, the wrong way and the right way. don't do the wrong way or the very wrong way. the very wrong way: lower her self-esteem until she doesn't think she good enough for those other guys. this results in you potentially getting her, but due to her lowered self-esteem she will not be a high-quality girlfriend. both of you end up unhappy. the wrong way: try to "out-alpha" the other people around her. basically if you are a douche then she will be "the one with the douchey friend" and both of you are alienated from everyone else, naturally you will be the only candidate for dating, though it is quite likely that she will just cut you off instead of cutting off everyone else. result: either you are "happy" (has the girl) and she is unhappy (stuck with a douche), or you are unhappy (branded as douche and alone) and she is happy (with her friends, having forgotten about you). you might wonder why I started with the wrong ways, thats because the right way is much more difficult, and if you do the right way wrong, it might very easily revert to one of the worse ways. DON'T DO THAT! VERY IMPORTANT! DON'T BE A DOUCHE! DON'T MAKE HER FEEL BAD! it might sound obvious (and it is) but it is a common mistake to overcompensate for some kind of insecurity and end up being a douche, or making her feel bad. the right way: both wrong ways have 1 thing in common, they reduce her candidates for dating until you are on top, the right way is the opposite, demonstrate that she misjudged you and that you are a prime candidate for dating, a good way of doing this is show her that you are good at making friends, either her friends or just random strangers neither of you knew before, point is to have her see you making new friends. the ability to make friends is very closely related to how many dating options you have, and when you do this you basically say (through your actions, you don't speak it out) "hey, you have a bunch of options, so do I, that makes me attractive and you want to date me." and hell! you might just find another girlfriend while making friends with a bunch of people! and yes, this actually works. given that you don't screw it up. of course, demonstrating that you can make friends is not the only way of proving you are a dating candidate, but it is a really good one. point is, you have to make her re-think your quality as a boyfriend, and this time you have to rank first. right now she thinks she has your personality pinned down, you must disrupt this by doing something she doesn't expect you would do, and it must be a positive change. that will make her brain go haywire and be forced to redefine your personality, and that's what you want. How bout a combination of all 3 ways?
I don't recommend it, both wrong ways are actively negative to your future relationship in most ways. the only reason I listed them is as a warning and that they can in principle get you the girl, with some major drawbacks.
you don't want to lower her self-esteem, doing so makes her less attractive.
alpha males are less attractive than one might think, see below.
there are generally 4 categories of people, they can in some ways be called "strategies to be attractive"
1. supplicant: the people that think buying things or providing services will make them attractive. ever seen a guy/girl buy someone a drink at a bar while approaching them? those people.
to supplicate means to beg, them buying things or doing menial tasks is simply them begging for attention and acceptance, don't let movies fool you, compared to the rest it is very unattractive.
2. combative: these people don't feel like they are as attractive as other people in the area, so they resort to trying to make other look less attractive rather than trying to look more attractive themselves. seen anyone that are insulting, aggressive and loud about it? combative. they are frequently more successful than the supplicant, but not very.
3. competitive: they know they are hot shit, and are not afraid to show it, confidence is not a problem but if two competitive people (of the same gender) meet then its a showdown to decide who is superior, the loser got out-alpha'd and commonly becomes combative. these are the typical alphas, sure they are pretty successful in meeting partners, but they are douches and tend to have many but short relationships.
4. cooperative: these are few and far between, the cooperative makes people around him/her happy, and becomes happier from making others happy, he/she doesn't try to out-alpha anyone, instead they turn competitive "enemies" into cooperative "allies", reassures combatives that they are pretty darn attractive as well, and shows supplicants they are accepted even without having to beg. people just kind of like being around cooperatives and they tend to become the social leader of their group. these people are irresistible to the opposite sex.
so what I'm trying to say is: a person in the friend-zone has been labeled as a supplicant (regardless of whether this is true), the very wrong way is saying "i'm not a supplicant, i'm combative", the wrong way is competitive, and the right way is cooperative.
trying to do all three would come off as combative.
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On May 03 2013 03:23 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 01:27 marvellosity wrote:On May 03 2013 01:21 Shady Sands wrote:
I completely fucked up a Wednesday date, but she says we can do a Saturday date to 'make it up'. Respect level improve, I like a girl who gives out second chances Could I ask how you fucked it up? Sure. We just got to know each other Sunday. Flirting via text, but nothing too serious. I said 6:15 at a restaurant by where we work on Tuesday morning. At 5:00 Wednesday, she tells me she's got extra work and suggests canceling. I go ahead and cancel, then tell her my evening might remain open if she gets off work. I tell her to play things by ear. Around 5:30 I text her again, asking her when she thinks she might be done. She says she has no idea. Some cynical part of me says this is a hint she's not interested, so I decide to close things out by telling her that I'll be busy for the remainder of this week and next, and that we should stay in touch. A half hour passes without a response from her, so I figure she's just doing the usual passive/polite approach to dialing off a relationship. I then decide to call up a female friend and use the dinner reservation on her. At six thirty the first girl calls me - now she's free. I tell her sorry, my night's booked, and ask to reschedule to the weekend; she says no in a very pouty way. Then she tells me she's right outside the window where of the restaurant we were supposed to eat at and she's watching me eat with another girl. I'm thinking 'wtf I thought you weren't interested anymore'. Anyhow, I cleared things up - turns out she's one of those girls that actually isn't bullshitting when they back out of dates last-second (unlike some girls who do that to give off hints), so we're now doing something Saturday.
agree with everyone else, it might seem like a fuck-up from your perspective, but she's probably crazy about you by now and can't stop fantasizing about your saturday date, afterall, you showed her she has competition to beat 
On May 03 2013 04:24 iAmWaKai wrote:
I'm kinda having the same problem as shady.
Girl has been cancelling on me, but we've been texting and talking, she laughs at almost everything I say, but it's been going for 2 weeks where she's always got something going on.(work and friends visiting from afar) once she even said "i'll see you Thursday?" but had to cancel as well. So confusing, it's like shes rejecting to see me and wants to see me and laughs at all the shit i say. I think she's just really busy but it makes me second guess....
next time you talk to her, try choosing the date and time, don't let her choose (if she tries, then claim to be busy that time and respond with a suggestion of your own). when you let her choose it becomes more socially acceptable for her to cancel, and if you continually accept whatever suggestion she makes it gives of supplicative signals, which tells her that you are at her beck and call, and will accept her cancellation. be assertive.
basically from her perspective she is in little or no rush to see you since you won't dissappear.
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On May 03 2013 04:31 Roblin wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 00:21 kaykaykay wrote:On May 02 2013 20:34 Roblin wrote:On May 02 2013 18:13 Mentalizor wrote:
Guys... I need some tips, okay?
So a short introduction to me would basicly include me having a girlfriend from age 16 through 24 (7½ years with the same girl)... But she dumped me in november... Well, I've never had issues talking to-, dancing with- og flirting with girls. So sure, I've had a few since then... But last saturday I went to a party at a friends house... Long story short - I end up with my friends sister. Both my friend and the girl are cool with it - but it's somehow holding me back. I saw her again last night and had an amazing time... But I still feel it's odd being my friends sister...
Any thoughts on dating your friends sisters? Because this girl is actually pretty terrific, but I can feel I'm holding back... a lot... sounds like the only one that has an issue with it is... you? anyway, if everyone are perfectly happy, then it should be fine, the issue might be if/when everyone are not perfectly happy. for example if you make her upset, that might have a negative impact on your friendship with her brother, though I would say go for it and make the most of it. On May 02 2013 19:59 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 19:08 MagmaPunch wrote:
Hey guys, I am at a crossroad xD. So, there is this girl, we went out once, it was all perfectly fine. She is however the type of person that you have to go slow with, so I didn't have the oppurunity to kiss her. Anyway, she confessed that she likes me, but just doesn't feel the same way I do and she said that she would go out with me again in the future (now this sounds like a 100% friendzone, but believe me, it doesn't feel exactly like that) So what do I do? Do I move on and look for another possibilities or do I keep fighting. It is more logical to give up, but personally , I hate giving up, I've said to myself that I would keep going until everything becomes futile.I'd really appreciate your advice haha.
PS: And I forgot to mention, the girl is definitely worth it xd . She's making you chase her, imo there's nothing to win there. agreed, nothing can be done while you are chasing her. but what if you can make her chase you? On May 02 2013 19:08 MagmaPunch wrote:
Hey guys, I am at a crossroad xD. So, there is this girl, we went out once, it was all perfectly fine. She is however the type of person that you have to go slow with, so I didn't have the oppurunity to kiss her. Anyway, she confessed that she likes me, but just doesn't feel the same way I do and she said that she would go out with me again in the future (now this sounds like a 100% friendzone, but believe me, it doesn't feel exactly like that) So what do I do? Do I move on and look for another possibilities or do I keep fighting. It is more logical to give up, but personally , I hate giving up, I've said to myself that I would keep going until everything becomes futile.I'd really appreciate your advice haha.
PS: And I forgot to mention, the girl is definitely worth it xd . indeed, sounds like 100% friendzone. so here is how I understand it: she likes you, but does not consider you as a candidate for dating. you like her, and considers her a candidate for dating. there are many, many paths that can lead to this situation, what all of them have in common is that she thinks she can choose and she feels like she can choose someone better than you. what you need to do is demonstrate that that is false. there are 3 ways of doing that, the very wrong way, the wrong way and the right way. don't do the wrong way or the very wrong way. the very wrong way: lower her self-esteem until she doesn't think she good enough for those other guys. this results in you potentially getting her, but due to her lowered self-esteem she will not be a high-quality girlfriend. both of you end up unhappy. the wrong way: try to "out-alpha" the other people around her. basically if you are a douche then she will be "the one with the douchey friend" and both of you are alienated from everyone else, naturally you will be the only candidate for dating, though it is quite likely that she will just cut you off instead of cutting off everyone else. result: either you are "happy" (has the girl) and she is unhappy (stuck with a douche), or you are unhappy (branded as douche and alone) and she is happy (with her friends, having forgotten about you). you might wonder why I started with the wrong ways, thats because the right way is much more difficult, and if you do the right way wrong, it might very easily revert to one of the worse ways. DON'T DO THAT! VERY IMPORTANT! DON'T BE A DOUCHE! DON'T MAKE HER FEEL BAD! it might sound obvious (and it is) but it is a common mistake to overcompensate for some kind of insecurity and end up being a douche, or making her feel bad. the right way: both wrong ways have 1 thing in common, they reduce her candidates for dating until you are on top, the right way is the opposite, demonstrate that she misjudged you and that you are a prime candidate for dating, a good way of doing this is show her that you are good at making friends, either her friends or just random strangers neither of you knew before, point is to have her see you making new friends. the ability to make friends is very closely related to how many dating options you have, and when you do this you basically say (through your actions, you don't speak it out) "hey, you have a bunch of options, so do I, that makes me attractive and you want to date me." and hell! you might just find another girlfriend while making friends with a bunch of people! and yes, this actually works. given that you don't screw it up. of course, demonstrating that you can make friends is not the only way of proving you are a dating candidate, but it is a really good one. point is, you have to make her re-think your quality as a boyfriend, and this time you have to rank first. right now she thinks she has your personality pinned down, you must disrupt this by doing something she doesn't expect you would do, and it must be a positive change. that will make her brain go haywire and be forced to redefine your personality, and that's what you want. How bout a combination of all 3 ways? I don't recommend it, both wrong ways are actively negative to your future relationship in most ways. the only reason I listed them is as a warning and that they can in principle get you the girl, with some major drawbacks. you don't want to lower her self-esteem, doing so makes her less attractive. alpha males are less attractive than one might think, see below. there are generally 4 categories of people, they can in some ways be called "strategies to be attractive" 1. supplicant: the people that think buying things or providing services will make them attractive. ever seen a guy/girl buy someone a drink at a bar while approaching them? those people. to supplicate means to beg, them buying things or doing menial tasks is simply them begging for attention and acceptance, don't let movies fool you, compared to the rest it is very unattractive. 2. combative: these people don't feel like they are as attractive as other people in the area, so they resort to trying to make other look less attractive rather than trying to look more attractive themselves. seen anyone that are insulting, aggressive and loud about it? combative. they are frequently more successful than the supplicant, but not very. 3. competitive: they know they are hot shit, and are not afraid to show it, confidence is not a problem but if two competitive people (of the same gender) meet then its a showdown to decide who is superior, the loser got out-alpha'd and commonly becomes combative. these are the typical alphas, sure they are pretty successful in meeting partners, but they are douches and tend to have many but short relationships. 4. cooperative: these are few and far between, the cooperative makes people around him/her happy, and becomes happier from making others happy, he/she doesn't try to out-alpha anyone, instead they turn competitive "enemies" into cooperative "allies", reassures combatives that they are pretty darn attractive as well, and shows supplicants they are accepted even without having to beg. people just kind of like being around cooperatives and they tend to become the social leader of their group. these people are irresistible to the opposite sex. so what I'm trying to say is: a person in the friend-zone has been labeled as a supplicant (regardless of whether this is true), the very wrong way is saying "i'm not a supplicant, i'm combative", the wrong way is competitive, and the right way is cooperative. trying to do all three would come off as combative.
Are you writing a dissertation in this thread? 5/5 if this was a blog btw
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On May 03 2013 04:24 iAmWaKai wrote:
I'm kinda having the same problem as shady.
Girl has been cancelling on me, but we've been texting and talking, she laughs at almost everything I say, but it's been going for 2 weeks where she's always got something going on.(work and friends visiting from afar) once she even said "i'll see you Thursday?" but had to cancel as well. So confusing, it's like shes rejecting to see me and wants to see me and laughs at all the shit i say. I think she's just really busy but it makes me second guess....
She's just enjoying herself - some people are naturally flirty and everyone likes being pursued.
Instead of trying to make it so that you are only happy if you land the date + morning after, why not just roll with it and learn to enjoy the same quasi-flirtiness she does? Then go find your 'solid relationship' somewhere else.
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On May 02 2013 21:25 aTnClouD wrote:Show nested quote +On May 02 2013 21:18 biology]major wrote:On May 02 2013 21:11 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 21:04 marvellosity wrote:On May 02 2013 21:00 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 20:56 marvellosity wrote:On May 02 2013 20:46 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 20:41 mufin wrote:
indeed, sounds like 100% friendzone. so here is how I understand it:
she likes you, but does not consider you as a candidate for dating.
you like her, and considers her a candidate for dating.
there are many, many paths that can lead to this situation, what all of them have in common is that she thinks she can choose and she feels like she can choose someone better than you.
what you need to do is demonstrate that that is false. there are 3 ways of doing that, the very wrong way, the wrong way and the right way. don't do the wrong way or the very wrong way.
the very wrong way: lower her self-esteem until she doesn't think she good enough for those other guys. this results in you potentially getting her, but due to her lowered self-esteem she will not be a high-quality girlfriend. both of you end up unhappy.
the wrong way: try to "out-alpha" the other people around her. basically if you are a douche then she will be "the one with the douchey friend" and both of you are alienated from everyone else, naturally you will be the only candidate for dating, though it is quite likely that she will just cut you off instead of cutting off everyone else. result: either you are "happy" (has the girl) and she is unhappy (stuck with a douche), or you are unhappy (branded as douche and alone) and she is happy (with her friends, having forgotten about you).
you might wonder why I started with the wrong ways, thats because the right way is much more difficult, and if you do the right way wrong, it might very easily revert to one of the worse ways. DON'T DO THAT! VERY IMPORTANT! DON'T BE A DOUCHE! DON'T MAKE HER FEEL BAD! it might sound obvious (and it is) but it is a common mistake to overcompensate for some kind of insecurity and end up being a douche, or making her feel bad.
the right way: both wrong ways have 1 thing in common, they reduce her candidates for dating until you are on top, the right way is the opposite, demonstrate that she misjudged you and that you are a prime candidate for dating, a good way of doing this is show her that you are good at making friends, either her friends or just random strangers neither of you knew before, point is to have her see you making new friends. the ability to make friends is very closely related to how many dating options you have, and when you do this you basically say (through your actions, you don't speak it out) "hey, you have a bunch of options, so do I, that makes me attractive and you want to date me." and hell! you might just find another girlfriend while making friends with a bunch of people!
and yes, this actually works. given that you don't screw it up.
of course, demonstrating that you can make friends is not the only way of proving you are a dating candidate, but it is a really good one.
point is, you have to make her re-think your quality as a boyfriend, and this time you have to rank first. right now she thinks she has your personality pinned down, you must disrupt this by doing something she doesn't expect you would do, and it must be a positive change. that will make her brain go haywire and be forced to redefine your personality, and that's what you want.
ugh...life's too short to go through that much bullshit for a girl. "Look Susie! Look how many random people I can get to like me!" You have to become an actor, an entertainer, somewhat close to a clown to be liked by girls and random people in general. That's what you have to do if you want to have casual sex without sharing much with the other person. Quick wit and a ready smile is usually sufficient. It depends on how good the girl perceives she is. If you want to go for quality girls you have to invest a lot more. Of course there are ways to get girls easily, for example a progamer can easily get a fangirl even if he does everything wrong, but who would want someone with such a low value who is ready to surrender so easily? Does the value matter that much if you're just after some casual sex? I might be missing the context here ^^ Would you really have sex with ANY cute girl you see, regardless of her personality? If you find out a super stunning beauty is stupid and uninteresting as a brick and you have nothing in common with her does she really deserve your sperm more than a girl who actively enjoys life and is in constant research to make it worth living? Personally if I find out a girl is retarded I wouldn't even touch her with a stick, and there's many out there (just as many as the men, but we aren't concerned with them sexually, so who cares) that makes no sense, if you are going for casual sex and nothing more (even if it is just friends), personality has almost nothing to do with it. Unless shes so extreme that it freaks you out somehow. If you are going for casual sex with any girl yeah, take the most drunk and desperate one, that works the best. Everyone has different standards after all, but in my experience that sucks really hard, it's a bit better than masturbating just because it feels good to have somebody to touch and cuddle in general, but the sex itself doesn't feel very rewarding.
You're projecting your own experiences onto others. Some people don't enjoy casual sex much. Others do.
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On May 03 2013 05:12 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 04:31 Roblin wrote:On May 03 2013 00:21 kaykaykay wrote:On May 02 2013 20:34 Roblin wrote:On May 02 2013 18:13 Mentalizor wrote:
Guys... I need some tips, okay?
So a short introduction to me would basicly include me having a girlfriend from age 16 through 24 (7½ years with the same girl)... But she dumped me in november... Well, I've never had issues talking to-, dancing with- og flirting with girls. So sure, I've had a few since then... But last saturday I went to a party at a friends house... Long story short - I end up with my friends sister. Both my friend and the girl are cool with it - but it's somehow holding me back. I saw her again last night and had an amazing time... But I still feel it's odd being my friends sister...
Any thoughts on dating your friends sisters? Because this girl is actually pretty terrific, but I can feel I'm holding back... a lot... sounds like the only one that has an issue with it is... you? anyway, if everyone are perfectly happy, then it should be fine, the issue might be if/when everyone are not perfectly happy. for example if you make her upset, that might have a negative impact on your friendship with her brother, though I would say go for it and make the most of it. On May 02 2013 19:59 aTnClouD wrote:On May 02 2013 19:08 MagmaPunch wrote:
Hey guys, I am at a crossroad xD. So, there is this girl, we went out once, it was all perfectly fine. She is however the type of person that you have to go slow with, so I didn't have the oppurunity to kiss her. Anyway, she confessed that she likes me, but just doesn't feel the same way I do and she said that she would go out with me again in the future (now this sounds like a 100% friendzone, but believe me, it doesn't feel exactly like that) So what do I do? Do I move on and look for another possibilities or do I keep fighting. It is more logical to give up, but personally , I hate giving up, I've said to myself that I would keep going until everything becomes futile.I'd really appreciate your advice haha.
PS: And I forgot to mention, the girl is definitely worth it xd . She's making you chase her, imo there's nothing to win there. agreed, nothing can be done while you are chasing her. but what if you can make her chase you? On May 02 2013 19:08 MagmaPunch wrote:
Hey guys, I am at a crossroad xD. So, there is this girl, we went out once, it was all perfectly fine. She is however the type of person that you have to go slow with, so I didn't have the oppurunity to kiss her. Anyway, she confessed that she likes me, but just doesn't feel the same way I do and she said that she would go out with me again in the future (now this sounds like a 100% friendzone, but believe me, it doesn't feel exactly like that) So what do I do? Do I move on and look for another possibilities or do I keep fighting. It is more logical to give up, but personally , I hate giving up, I've said to myself that I would keep going until everything becomes futile.I'd really appreciate your advice haha.
PS: And I forgot to mention, the girl is definitely worth it xd . indeed, sounds like 100% friendzone. so here is how I understand it: she likes you, but does not consider you as a candidate for dating. you like her, and considers her a candidate for dating. there are many, many paths that can lead to this situation, what all of them have in common is that she thinks she can choose and she feels like she can choose someone better than you. what you need to do is demonstrate that that is false. there are 3 ways of doing that, the very wrong way, the wrong way and the right way. don't do the wrong way or the very wrong way. the very wrong way: lower her self-esteem until she doesn't think she good enough for those other guys. this results in you potentially getting her, but due to her lowered self-esteem she will not be a high-quality girlfriend. both of you end up unhappy. the wrong way: try to "out-alpha" the other people around her. basically if you are a douche then she will be "the one with the douchey friend" and both of you are alienated from everyone else, naturally you will be the only candidate for dating, though it is quite likely that she will just cut you off instead of cutting off everyone else. result: either you are "happy" (has the girl) and she is unhappy (stuck with a douche), or you are unhappy (branded as douche and alone) and she is happy (with her friends, having forgotten about you). you might wonder why I started with the wrong ways, thats because the right way is much more difficult, and if you do the right way wrong, it might very easily revert to one of the worse ways. DON'T DO THAT! VERY IMPORTANT! DON'T BE A DOUCHE! DON'T MAKE HER FEEL BAD! it might sound obvious (and it is) but it is a common mistake to overcompensate for some kind of insecurity and end up being a douche, or making her feel bad. the right way: both wrong ways have 1 thing in common, they reduce her candidates for dating until you are on top, the right way is the opposite, demonstrate that she misjudged you and that you are a prime candidate for dating, a good way of doing this is show her that you are good at making friends, either her friends or just random strangers neither of you knew before, point is to have her see you making new friends. the ability to make friends is very closely related to how many dating options you have, and when you do this you basically say (through your actions, you don't speak it out) "hey, you have a bunch of options, so do I, that makes me attractive and you want to date me." and hell! you might just find another girlfriend while making friends with a bunch of people! and yes, this actually works. given that you don't screw it up. of course, demonstrating that you can make friends is not the only way of proving you are a dating candidate, but it is a really good one. point is, you have to make her re-think your quality as a boyfriend, and this time you have to rank first. right now she thinks she has your personality pinned down, you must disrupt this by doing something she doesn't expect you would do, and it must be a positive change. that will make her brain go haywire and be forced to redefine your personality, and that's what you want. How bout a combination of all 3 ways? I don't recommend it, both wrong ways are actively negative to your future relationship in most ways. the only reason I listed them is as a warning and that they can in principle get you the girl, with some major drawbacks. you don't want to lower her self-esteem, doing so makes her less attractive. alpha males are less attractive than one might think, see below. there are generally 4 categories of people, they can in some ways be called "strategies to be attractive" 1. supplicant: the people that think buying things or providing services will make them attractive. ever seen a guy/girl buy someone a drink at a bar while approaching them? those people. to supplicate means to beg, them buying things or doing menial tasks is simply them begging for attention and acceptance, don't let movies fool you, compared to the rest it is very unattractive. 2. combative: these people don't feel like they are as attractive as other people in the area, so they resort to trying to make other look less attractive rather than trying to look more attractive themselves. seen anyone that are insulting, aggressive and loud about it? combative. they are frequently more successful than the supplicant, but not very. 3. competitive: they know they are hot shit, and are not afraid to show it, confidence is not a problem but if two competitive people (of the same gender) meet then its a showdown to decide who is superior, the loser got out-alpha'd and commonly becomes combative. these are the typical alphas, sure they are pretty successful in meeting partners, but they are douches and tend to have many but short relationships. 4. cooperative: these are few and far between, the cooperative makes people around him/her happy, and becomes happier from making others happy, he/she doesn't try to out-alpha anyone, instead they turn competitive "enemies" into cooperative "allies", reassures combatives that they are pretty darn attractive as well, and shows supplicants they are accepted even without having to beg. people just kind of like being around cooperatives and they tend to become the social leader of their group. these people are irresistible to the opposite sex. so what I'm trying to say is: a person in the friend-zone has been labeled as a supplicant (regardless of whether this is true), the very wrong way is saying "i'm not a supplicant, i'm combative", the wrong way is competitive, and the right way is cooperative. trying to do all three would come off as combative. Are you writing a dissertation in this thread? 5/5 if this was a blog btw
^^ no, but I like trying to clarify until there is no doubt about what I am saying, unfortunately I often end up writing walls of text as a result ^^
and thanks, unfortunately I am not writing a blog and don't plan to any time soon.
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