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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On May 04 2013 06:08 McBengt wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 05:57 sunprince wrote:On May 04 2013 05:48 McBengt wrote:On May 04 2013 05:28 sunprince wrote:On May 04 2013 05:19 McBengt wrote:On May 04 2013 05:07 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 21:59 McBengt wrote:On May 03 2013 21:02 aTnClouD wrote:On May 03 2013 18:17 Misaka wrote:On May 03 2013 09:02 rezoacken wrote:
@Bigpost
I'm pretty sure people with a minimum of intelligence are able to understand any advice given here doesn't apply to everybody nor is guaranteed to work. Also, there isn't a unique solution. It's also the sum of many advices, sometimes which contradict themselves. Up to the reader to get what he can from it.
Everything said, should be judged on whether its relevant or not, whether you're confortable with it or not.
However, I'm kind of annoyed when someone comes in, says everybody is spewing bullshit and the only thing he says is:"just be yourself". I'm pretty sure guys that have been alone for 20+ years are very happy to hear that advice. Some people just struggle to find a partner and that's all there is to it. It doesn't mean there's anything WRONG with you, just that the type of people who go for you, arn't the type of people who you are meeting. It's bad luck or whatever, and that sucks, and maybe it's bad luck influenced by the acne or your chin or maybe it's not, but it happens to plenty of girls too, so honestly don't worry. Just keep trying! I don't care what gender you are, I think you deserve a punch in the face for every person who you give this advice to and follows it. I dunno, a lot of the anguish in this thread seems to stem from the fact that many guys here appear to bemoan the fact that they aren't someone who they, well, aren't. Be yourself is the standard cliché, yet one that may be less than helpful. Maybe the "self" is not someone who will ever be good material for prolonged relationships. If you don't like who you are, and would rather be like someone else, there's always the option to aspire to be better. Do we tell StarCraft players to just play like themselves, or do we teach them how to play more like Jaedong, Flash, and Bisu? For some reason, people are fundamentally opposed to self-improvement when it comes to guys becoming more attractive. The only remotely comparable phenomenon is when fatties hate on someone who is successfully losing weight. On May 03 2013 21:59 McBengt wrote:
Some people just may not be meant for close relationships, or much of social interaction at all. Maybe the niche of suitable partners is so narrow that it is unlikely they will ever find one. People aren't "meant" for anything. There is no future but what we make. If you're unattractive or socially awkward, work on it! On May 03 2013 21:59 McBengt wrote:
A relationship is not a right, it's a bonus that may or may not happen. I may be a bit of a deviant here for a few reasons, but this idea has never really bothered me, hence the generally flippant tone(I'll break character here for a moment, before I go back to eating Wombat's child and hitting on Grumbels, or possibly the reverse). A relationship is something that you can probabilistically increase your chances of having by improving yourself. This is in addition to all the other benefits to improving yourself. Why not do so, instead of giving up? Maybe I should have clarified, that was not really about me, more an observation on how much of the pain of the people in this thread seems to come from not being the person they wish to be, or believe others would find attractive. I know. My point is, those people have a choice. Then can either give up and learn to happy with who they are, or they can refuse to accept that and make themselves into a better, more attractive person. I advocate for the latter. On May 04 2013 05:19 McBengt wrote:
I am quite content with some peace and quiet to focus on my studies, the only woman I had any interest in was an insane lesbian finnish hockey player who nearly broke my nose, puked on my sofa, farted in face on regular occasions and damn near got me arrested. Good times. That's up to you. But it would be nice if you didn't troll the people who haven't given up yet. Is it giving up if one is at peace? It means you're at peace with giving up. If a StarCraft player decides they aren't good enough to get into Silver league, and learns to be happy with Bronze, then they're still giving up, though I suppose this is better than being in Bronze and miserable. On May 04 2013 05:48 McBengt wrote:
Anyway, the thread was so depressing, just a bunch of people revelling in their own misery. I little perspective might be in order, having a laugh or two helps.
Hmm, point taken. Giving up would suggest the desire to advance to silver league still exists. What if the player has been to silver league and simply found it to be a waste of time and energy, with little reward?
Then unless they suffer some sort of handicap, there is something fundamentally wrong with their approach. It shouldn't be all that hard.
Every single one of our male ancestors managed to reproduce, and most of those in recent history probably did it in a long-term relationship with a woman. It's extremely unlikely that you don't have it in you to figure out how to do the same.
That said, I can understand why that would lead someone to stop trying.
On May 04 2013 06:08 McBengt wrote:
If lack of success in this area is causing such distress, focusing on others could prove more productive. It will take your mind off of being unsatisfied and help you through distraction, if nothing else. The human mind is very adaptable, almost any situation can be turned into rote, so I dunno, build a car, learn a language, take up cricket. It may help with some balance, and peace.
Yeah, part of the point I was making is that you don't improve yourself in order to get women, you get women as a side effect of improving yourself. So I absolutely agree that you can stay away from dating while you do other things, like work on your career, or get into shape, or take up hobbies, or develop social skills, and come back to find that you have an easier time with dating despite not deliberately working on it.
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On May 04 2013 06:16 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 06:08 McBengt wrote:On May 04 2013 05:57 sunprince wrote:On May 04 2013 05:48 McBengt wrote:On May 04 2013 05:28 sunprince wrote:On May 04 2013 05:19 McBengt wrote:On May 04 2013 05:07 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 21:59 McBengt wrote:On May 03 2013 21:02 aTnClouD wrote:On May 03 2013 18:17 Misaka wrote:
[quote]
Some people just struggle to find a partner and that's all there is to it. It doesn't mean there's anything WRONG with you, just that the type of people who go for you, arn't the type of people who you are meeting. It's bad luck or whatever, and that sucks, and maybe it's bad luck influenced by the acne or your chin or maybe it's not, but it happens to plenty of girls too, so honestly don't worry. Just keep trying! I don't care what gender you are, I think you deserve a punch in the face for every person who you give this advice to and follows it. I dunno, a lot of the anguish in this thread seems to stem from the fact that many guys here appear to bemoan the fact that they aren't someone who they, well, aren't. Be yourself is the standard cliché, yet one that may be less than helpful. Maybe the "self" is not someone who will ever be good material for prolonged relationships. If you don't like who you are, and would rather be like someone else, there's always the option to aspire to be better. Do we tell StarCraft players to just play like themselves, or do we teach them how to play more like Jaedong, Flash, and Bisu? For some reason, people are fundamentally opposed to self-improvement when it comes to guys becoming more attractive. The only remotely comparable phenomenon is when fatties hate on someone who is successfully losing weight. On May 03 2013 21:59 McBengt wrote:
Some people just may not be meant for close relationships, or much of social interaction at all. Maybe the niche of suitable partners is so narrow that it is unlikely they will ever find one. People aren't "meant" for anything. There is no future but what we make. If you're unattractive or socially awkward, work on it! On May 03 2013 21:59 McBengt wrote:
A relationship is not a right, it's a bonus that may or may not happen. I may be a bit of a deviant here for a few reasons, but this idea has never really bothered me, hence the generally flippant tone(I'll break character here for a moment, before I go back to eating Wombat's child and hitting on Grumbels, or possibly the reverse). A relationship is something that you can probabilistically increase your chances of having by improving yourself. This is in addition to all the other benefits to improving yourself. Why not do so, instead of giving up? Maybe I should have clarified, that was not really about me, more an observation on how much of the pain of the people in this thread seems to come from not being the person they wish to be, or believe others would find attractive. I know. My point is, those people have a choice. Then can either give up and learn to happy with who they are, or they can refuse to accept that and make themselves into a better, more attractive person. I advocate for the latter. On May 04 2013 05:19 McBengt wrote:
I am quite content with some peace and quiet to focus on my studies, the only woman I had any interest in was an insane lesbian finnish hockey player who nearly broke my nose, puked on my sofa, farted in face on regular occasions and damn near got me arrested. Good times. That's up to you. But it would be nice if you didn't troll the people who haven't given up yet. Is it giving up if one is at peace? It means you're at peace with giving up. If a StarCraft player decides they aren't good enough to get into Silver league, and learns to be happy with Bronze, then they're still giving up, though I suppose this is better than being in Bronze and miserable. On May 04 2013 05:48 McBengt wrote:
Anyway, the thread was so depressing, just a bunch of people revelling in their own misery. I little perspective might be in order, having a laugh or two helps.
Hmm, point taken. Giving up would suggest the desire to advance to silver league still exists. What if the player has been to silver league and simply found it to be a waste of time and energy, with little reward? Then unless they suffer some sort of handicap, there is something fundamentally wrong with their approach. It shouldn't be all that hard. Every single one of our male ancestors managed to reproduce, and most of those in recent history probably did it in a long-term relationship with a woman. It's extremely unlikely that you don't have it in you to figure out how to do the same. That said, I can understand why that would lead someone to stop trying. Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 06:08 McBengt wrote:
If lack of success in this area is causing such distress, focusing on others could prove more productive. It will take your mind off of being unsatisfied and help you through distraction, if nothing else. The human mind is very adaptable, almost any situation can be turned into rote, so I dunno, build a car, learn a language, take up cricket. It may help with some balance, and peace. Yeah, part of the point I was making is that you don't improve yourself in order to get women, you get women as a side effect of improving yourself. So I absolutely agree that you can stay away from dating while you do other things, like work on your career, or get into shape, or take up hobbies, or develop social skills, and come back to find that you have an easier time with dating despite not deliberately working on it.
I am thinking this bronze/silver league analogy is becoming a tad bit obscure.
To elucidate: I've been there, done that, gotten drunk and done stupid things with some chick at work, done even dumber things at my sister's house-warming party etc. And it bored me. It gave me no satisfaction, emotional or physical.
I am glad we agree on the second part, it's been a very helpful revelation for me at least.
Edit: I could actually use some tips on how to blow someone off. It's a girl at my club, I've coached her a few times and I suspect she assumes I feel something I don't. I am terrible at reading subtle hints but this is pretty overt.
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On May 04 2013 06:11 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 06:03 kafkaesque wrote:On May 04 2013 05:07 sunprince wrote:
For some reason, people are fundamentally opposed to self-improvement when it comes to guys becoming more attractive. The only remotely comparable phenomenon is when fatties hate on someone who is successfully losing weight.
Except when you're fat you can lose weight. If you're ugly, that's it. There's no "self improvement", there is no training programme, no diet, no amount of dedication that can make your face less wonky, your cheek-bones less weak, your hairline less receding or your height less hobbit-esque. Except that physical attractiveness is not the only thing that makes a man attractive. You're projecting your own preferences on women. Most women are much less shallow than men when it comes to attraction. As a man, your value comes from a number of things, and if you're struggling in one area you can make it up in another. Getting in shape also helps with the ugliness problem. Your face will look better once the fat starts getting replaced by lean muscle gains, and your build will certainly look less hobbit-esque with muscle. There's also good use of fashion to draw attention away from those issues (there's plenty of ways to look badass while you're bald), and plastic surgery in extreme cases, provided you've been successful with your career. Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 06:03 kafkaesque wrote:
Sure we can get into shape, many of us do, sure we can work on being better people, but when it comes to dating, ugly guys have significant disadvantages we simply have to learn to deal with. Yes, but you can make up for it in other ways.
Alright, I might have misunderstood your post.
Making up for it in other ways works / worked pretty well for me so far, but then again, I'm not absolutely hideous (good shape, great hair), just a solid 4/10. I agree that being an interesting person helps, but what average guys don't get is that there is a level of hideousness that no amount of awesome can conceal. If you're a 1-2, you may as well slit your wrist as your mum is probably the only person who ever loved or ever will love you.
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On May 04 2013 06:24 kafkaesque wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 06:11 sunprince wrote:On May 04 2013 06:03 kafkaesque wrote:On May 04 2013 05:07 sunprince wrote:
For some reason, people are fundamentally opposed to self-improvement when it comes to guys becoming more attractive. The only remotely comparable phenomenon is when fatties hate on someone who is successfully losing weight.
Except when you're fat you can lose weight. If you're ugly, that's it. There's no "self improvement", there is no training programme, no diet, no amount of dedication that can make your face less wonky, your cheek-bones less weak, your hairline less receding or your height less hobbit-esque. Except that physical attractiveness is not the only thing that makes a man attractive. You're projecting your own preferences on women. Most women are much less shallow than men when it comes to attraction. As a man, your value comes from a number of things, and if you're struggling in one area you can make it up in another. Getting in shape also helps with the ugliness problem. Your face will look better once the fat starts getting replaced by lean muscle gains, and your build will certainly look less hobbit-esque with muscle. There's also good use of fashion to draw attention away from those issues (there's plenty of ways to look badass while you're bald), and plastic surgery in extreme cases, provided you've been successful with your career. On May 04 2013 06:03 kafkaesque wrote:
Sure we can get into shape, many of us do, sure we can work on being better people, but when it comes to dating, ugly guys have significant disadvantages we simply have to learn to deal with. Yes, but you can make up for it in other ways. Alright, I might have misunderstood your post. Making up for it in other ways works / worked pretty well for me so far, but then again, I'm not absolutely hideous (good shape, great hair), just a solid 4/10. I agree that being an interesting person helps, but what average guys don't get is that there is a level of hideousness that no amount of awesome can conceal. If you're a 1-2, you may as well slit your wrist as your mum is probably the only person who ever loved or ever will love you.
My mother told me my face looked like a kebab. I have to admit, that was a pretty good one.
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On May 04 2013 06:24 kafkaesque wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 06:11 sunprince wrote:On May 04 2013 06:03 kafkaesque wrote:On May 04 2013 05:07 sunprince wrote:
For some reason, people are fundamentally opposed to self-improvement when it comes to guys becoming more attractive. The only remotely comparable phenomenon is when fatties hate on someone who is successfully losing weight.
Except when you're fat you can lose weight. If you're ugly, that's it. There's no "self improvement", there is no training programme, no diet, no amount of dedication that can make your face less wonky, your cheek-bones less weak, your hairline less receding or your height less hobbit-esque. Except that physical attractiveness is not the only thing that makes a man attractive. You're projecting your own preferences on women. Most women are much less shallow than men when it comes to attraction. As a man, your value comes from a number of things, and if you're struggling in one area you can make it up in another. Getting in shape also helps with the ugliness problem. Your face will look better once the fat starts getting replaced by lean muscle gains, and your build will certainly look less hobbit-esque with muscle. There's also good use of fashion to draw attention away from those issues (there's plenty of ways to look badass while you're bald), and plastic surgery in extreme cases, provided you've been successful with your career. On May 04 2013 06:03 kafkaesque wrote:
Sure we can get into shape, many of us do, sure we can work on being better people, but when it comes to dating, ugly guys have significant disadvantages we simply have to learn to deal with. Yes, but you can make up for it in other ways. Alright, I might have misunderstood your post. Making up for it in other ways works / worked pretty well for me so far, but then again, I'm not absolutely hideous (good shape, great hair), just a solid 4/10. I agree that being an interesting person helps, but what average guys don't get is that there is a level of hideousness that no amount of awesome can conceal. If you're a 1-2, you may as well slit your wrist if you hope to be loved.
Jay-Z, Marilyn Manson, and Steve Buscemi all beg to differ.
But yes, those extreme cases are what fashion, make-up, and plastic surgery are for.
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On May 04 2013 06:24 kafkaesque wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 06:11 sunprince wrote:On May 04 2013 06:03 kafkaesque wrote:On May 04 2013 05:07 sunprince wrote:
For some reason, people are fundamentally opposed to self-improvement when it comes to guys becoming more attractive. The only remotely comparable phenomenon is when fatties hate on someone who is successfully losing weight.
Except when you're fat you can lose weight. If you're ugly, that's it. There's no "self improvement", there is no training programme, no diet, no amount of dedication that can make your face less wonky, your cheek-bones less weak, your hairline less receding or your height less hobbit-esque. Except that physical attractiveness is not the only thing that makes a man attractive. You're projecting your own preferences on women. Most women are much less shallow than men when it comes to attraction. As a man, your value comes from a number of things, and if you're struggling in one area you can make it up in another. Getting in shape also helps with the ugliness problem. Your face will look better once the fat starts getting replaced by lean muscle gains, and your build will certainly look less hobbit-esque with muscle. There's also good use of fashion to draw attention away from those issues (there's plenty of ways to look badass while you're bald), and plastic surgery in extreme cases, provided you've been successful with your career. On May 04 2013 06:03 kafkaesque wrote:
Sure we can get into shape, many of us do, sure we can work on being better people, but when it comes to dating, ugly guys have significant disadvantages we simply have to learn to deal with. Yes, but you can make up for it in other ways. Alright, I might have misunderstood your post. Making up for it in other ways works / worked pretty well for me so far, but then again, I'm not absolutely hideous (good shape, great hair), just a solid 4/10. I agree that being an interesting person helps, but what average guys don't get is that there is a level of hideousness that no amount of awesome can conceal. If you're a 1-2, you may as well slit your wrist as your mum is probably the only person who ever loved or ever will love you.
This is absolutely not true. It might be true for women, since most men are all about looks. Women mostly don't care. A guy can be extremely ugly, but if he's the lead singer of a rock band (or otherwise appears to have extremely high status) girls will be attracted to him.
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On May 04 2013 06:23 McBengt wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 06:16 sunprince wrote:On May 04 2013 06:08 McBengt wrote:On May 04 2013 05:57 sunprince wrote:On May 04 2013 05:48 McBengt wrote:On May 04 2013 05:28 sunprince wrote:On May 04 2013 05:19 McBengt wrote:On May 04 2013 05:07 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 21:59 McBengt wrote:On May 03 2013 21:02 aTnClouD wrote:
[quote]
I don't care what gender you are, I think you deserve a punch in the face for every person who you give this advice to and follows it. I dunno, a lot of the anguish in this thread seems to stem from the fact that many guys here appear to bemoan the fact that they aren't someone who they, well, aren't. Be yourself is the standard cliché, yet one that may be less than helpful. Maybe the "self" is not someone who will ever be good material for prolonged relationships. If you don't like who you are, and would rather be like someone else, there's always the option to aspire to be better. Do we tell StarCraft players to just play like themselves, or do we teach them how to play more like Jaedong, Flash, and Bisu? For some reason, people are fundamentally opposed to self-improvement when it comes to guys becoming more attractive. The only remotely comparable phenomenon is when fatties hate on someone who is successfully losing weight. On May 03 2013 21:59 McBengt wrote:
Some people just may not be meant for close relationships, or much of social interaction at all. Maybe the niche of suitable partners is so narrow that it is unlikely they will ever find one. People aren't "meant" for anything. There is no future but what we make. If you're unattractive or socially awkward, work on it! On May 03 2013 21:59 McBengt wrote:
A relationship is not a right, it's a bonus that may or may not happen. I may be a bit of a deviant here for a few reasons, but this idea has never really bothered me, hence the generally flippant tone(I'll break character here for a moment, before I go back to eating Wombat's child and hitting on Grumbels, or possibly the reverse). A relationship is something that you can probabilistically increase your chances of having by improving yourself. This is in addition to all the other benefits to improving yourself. Why not do so, instead of giving up? Maybe I should have clarified, that was not really about me, more an observation on how much of the pain of the people in this thread seems to come from not being the person they wish to be, or believe others would find attractive. I know. My point is, those people have a choice. Then can either give up and learn to happy with who they are, or they can refuse to accept that and make themselves into a better, more attractive person. I advocate for the latter. On May 04 2013 05:19 McBengt wrote:
I am quite content with some peace and quiet to focus on my studies, the only woman I had any interest in was an insane lesbian finnish hockey player who nearly broke my nose, puked on my sofa, farted in face on regular occasions and damn near got me arrested. Good times. That's up to you. But it would be nice if you didn't troll the people who haven't given up yet. Is it giving up if one is at peace? It means you're at peace with giving up. If a StarCraft player decides they aren't good enough to get into Silver league, and learns to be happy with Bronze, then they're still giving up, though I suppose this is better than being in Bronze and miserable. On May 04 2013 05:48 McBengt wrote:
Anyway, the thread was so depressing, just a bunch of people revelling in their own misery. I little perspective might be in order, having a laugh or two helps.
Hmm, point taken. Giving up would suggest the desire to advance to silver league still exists. What if the player has been to silver league and simply found it to be a waste of time and energy, with little reward? Then unless they suffer some sort of handicap, there is something fundamentally wrong with their approach. It shouldn't be all that hard. Every single one of our male ancestors managed to reproduce, and most of those in recent history probably did it in a long-term relationship with a woman. It's extremely unlikely that you don't have it in you to figure out how to do the same. That said, I can understand why that would lead someone to stop trying. On May 04 2013 06:08 McBengt wrote:
If lack of success in this area is causing such distress, focusing on others could prove more productive. It will take your mind off of being unsatisfied and help you through distraction, if nothing else. The human mind is very adaptable, almost any situation can be turned into rote, so I dunno, build a car, learn a language, take up cricket. It may help with some balance, and peace. Yeah, part of the point I was making is that you don't improve yourself in order to get women, you get women as a side effect of improving yourself. So I absolutely agree that you can stay away from dating while you do other things, like work on your career, or get into shape, or take up hobbies, or develop social skills, and come back to find that you have an easier time with dating despite not deliberately working on it. I am thinking this bronze/silver league analogy is becoming a tad bit obscure. To elucidate: I've been there, done that, gotten drunk and done stupid things with some chick at work, done even dumber things at my sister's house-warming party etc. And it bored me. It gave me no satisfaction, emotional or physical.
There's more to dating than drunken hook-ups, you know. But fair enough.
On May 04 2013 06:23 McBengt wrote:
Edit: I could actually use some tips on how to blow someone off. It's a girl at my club, I've coached her a few times and I suspect she assumes I feel something I don't. I am terrible at reading subtle hints but this is pretty overt.
Why do you need to blow her off? Is she outright dangerous or something?
The best way to blow her off is to simply talk to her and be honest. Barring that, you could also simply minimize your interaction with her until she loses interest, but I'm impatient so I generally choose the former.
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On May 04 2013 06:42 sunprince wrote:
Why do you need to blow her off? Is she outright dangerous or something?
She's perfectly normal, and I suppose what would be considered attractive. It's a distraction, is all.
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On May 04 2013 06:44 McBengt wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 06:42 sunprince wrote:
Why do you need to blow her off? Is she outright dangerous or something?
She's perfectly normal, and I suppose what would be considered attractive. It's a distraction, is all.
In that case, I would try to channel that attraction into a platonic friendship.
Give her the "let's just be friends" talk, and reduce (maybe by around half) the amount of time you spend around her by being too busy.
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On May 04 2013 05:07 sunprince wrote:
...
If you don't like who you are, and would rather be like someone else, there's always the option to aspire to be better. Do we tell StarCraft players to just play like themselves, or do we teach them how to play more like Jaedong, Flash, and Bisu?
...
I think the real problem here is that a lot of this advice amounts to teaching guys how to cannon rush at a high level. Yeah, you're technically playing the same game, and your win percentage may even be pretty high, but you're not getting nearly as much out of it as you could.
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On May 03 2013 08:35 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On May 03 2013 06:50 Kenpachi wrote:On May 03 2013 05:58 sunprince wrote:On May 03 2013 05:54 Kenpachi wrote:
Is it normal for older girls to hit on younger dudes? girl at my school is a year older and I feel like she's playing games but I'm not entirely sure lol. A year older isn't that much in high school, at least, not usually enough to produce any major behavioral difference. Meh. Might be just me when I'm thinking she's playing games but I do realize how silly age can be especially in high school where age is branded on our foreheads by our grade level lol. But it's hard to reason if a senior would want to date a junior so late in the year so I don't know honestly. 2 reasons, both of which end poorly in the short run but are nice to look back on. 1 she wants to think she is sexy and is playing with you, 2 she actually knows she is sexy and wants to be with you. Either way, if you get led on, she leaves and it's no biggie. If you get hot and heavy with her, then she leaves, but you don't have enough time to get ultra-attached; though I'll admit that it hurts about as much as the first. Those would be the reasons.
turns out she liked me from the start of the semester.
I'm fairly convinced we just started a relationship 
Well, 9000 posts, 1st relationship. what a way to spend up my milestone post. 1k away from 5 digits.
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My tale just ended. It began with the first date of my life, then my first dance, now she just told me she can't have a relationship in such short a time and over such a long distance. Worst part is she was in America for a year and I only made a move in the last month and she said that if we had more time she definitely would have dated me and we could have been something. Feeling pretty horrible right now, my first rejection and all, but it's kind of good to have a little closure.
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On May 04 2013 10:18 Luepert wrote:
My tale just ended. It began with the first date of my life, then my first dance, now she just told me she can't have a relationship in such short a time and over such a long distance. Worst part is she was in America for a year and I only made a move in the last month and she said that if we had more time she definitely would have dated me and we could have been something. Feeling pretty horrible right now, my first rejection and all, but it's kind of good to have a little closure.
Don't, it's not over yet, you guys def have a connection to build off of. If you ever run into her in the future, you have the option to go for it.
It's like those little food caches explorers used to bury near the arctic circle... now she has a chance of being there when you're cold and miserable and lonely
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Grats Kenpachi. <3
On May 04 2013 06:16 Shady Sands wrote:
Girls don't really go for guys with pretty faces
Girls are a lot more impressed with money, social standing, and charisma + confidence - not the sort of competitive confidence that screams 'I'm a winner' but the sort of cooperative confidence that says 'I'm good enough to benefit if other people win, and I try to make everyone win'
Just a small nitpick because a hell lot of guys get confused by the whole "money/social status/charisma is attractive" thing. "Having money" in this context doesn't mean that you have to be rich. It is more the way you go about it because it's a way we tend to measure social status. Few people enjoy the guy who boasts with his money ("I'll pay for dinner (...this means you owe me sexy time later)") but also few people like the guy who insists on splitting a 5$ coffee bill.
If I look back at times during which I both had too much and not enough money, the reaction women had to that specific issue was more related to how I handled it than how much money was around. From experience I would say I got the best results by it not being an issue. This can both mean paying the entire thing with it being completely normal for you but also telling the waiter to split without making up excuses about why exactly you can't pay right now. The main trait people who at some point have been rich share is a certain disregard towards money, looking at it more like a tool than a measurement of how much time you spent getting it.
Similarly "social status" in its essence isn't about which parties you're invited to or who you are on the phone with sharing the latest trends (unless you're into that stuff of course). It's more about social presence. Seducing a girl that you just introduced to your favorite place to go where almost everyone greets you with a smile or even your name is incredibly strong. The better you become at creating this kind of social presence the quicker you can build it. Sooner or later you are in the situation where the bouncer smiles at you even though he has never seen you before (k I lied, bouncers are 11/10s almost everywhere T_T) or where a comment from someone in your group like "Wow the guys over there look fun" turns into you dragging your group into theirs with no effort.
That's the type of "social status" that's almost uneffected by money or clothing (as long as both are appropriate for the surroundings) and will help you with people on a universal level.
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On May 04 2013 12:48 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 10:18 Luepert wrote:
My tale just ended. It began with the first date of my life, then my first dance, now she just told me she can't have a relationship in such short a time and over such a long distance. Worst part is she was in America for a year and I only made a move in the last month and she said that if we had more time she definitely would have dated me and we could have been something. Feeling pretty horrible right now, my first rejection and all, but it's kind of good to have a little closure. Don't, it's not over yet, you guys def have a connection to build off of. If you ever run into her in the future, you have the option to go for it. It's like those little food caches explorers used to bury near the arctic circle... now she has a chance of being there when you're cold and miserable and lonely
How functional.
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On May 03 2013 23:12 lungic wrote:
Guys, stop arguing, were here to help, not make people more unsure from whom to take bad advice from.
Actually I think the debate is important because it is a way to recenter what should be taken from advices. And basicly I'll just reassess with my words what rEvo said here:
+ Show Spoiler +On May 03 2013 22:15 r.Evo wrote:
I'll put it as simple as I can.
"Just be yourself" from someone someone who is close to his own true self and found happiness in understanding who and what he is is a way of live.
"Just be yourself" as an advice to someone who doesn't understand what or who he is at it's core is horrible advice because it doesn't help with any issues that come up when trying to get on the journey to becoming "yourself".
How do you win in racing? By just driving faster than the other guys. Sure that advice is absolutely correct. It's also utterly irrelvant. If someone puts it out as generic advice without big disclaimers about why he or she recommends it it is highly likely that they don't understand the underlying concepts.
If what someone got out of all these posts on this forum is one of those 2 extremes:
-Change yourself completly, act like a caveman and treat women the opposite of how you want to treat them.
-Dont change anything, just keep doing whatever you're doing. You may find a girl someday. But dont feel sad !
In this case, I think its terrible. Both of those extremes are very horrible ways to go at it. The purpose shouldn't be to artificially be someone else but to change any behaviors that are going opposite to what you really want or the purpose you have. All this in order to be a "yourself" that you love. And some more precise advice will highlight how some behaviors are counter-productive to reach that goal and give advice about how to change them.
It's then up to the reader to be able to synchronise these advice to the "self" he wants to be. If it goes against deep rooted beliefs, then, don't do it !
The proper reaction should be:
Joe: I did X and Y and everything failed.
Brian: You shouldn't have done X. By doing it, you basicly are doing A, and I'm pretty sure you would never want to do A.
Joe: Oh yeah I see, A goes against my principles so I'll stop doing X.
Brian: About Y, I don't like it because B. Do C instead.
Joe: Hmmm I don't like either. Let me see about a middleground D that is more myself.
Everybody is different and by extension we are at different levels in our lives and want different stuff. For example some people want one girl every week while other want to find one special one that will last years and maybe start having kids. Both are right and therefore should apply critical thinking to any advice they are given as to how it applies to themselves.
That's a very meta-way of describing it. But, at least, that's how I applied any advices in my time and how I read those in this thread.
I also think the thread has (should have) another purpose. Point out how dating is a very natural and easy thing and how guys should not be so anguished over it all. The main issue to almost every guy I know is that they just don't even try, so if I can I'll point out to some people that the first thing to do should be to... actually do something.
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On May 04 2013 07:34 TuPiR wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 05:07 sunprince wrote:
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If you don't like who you are, and would rather be like someone else, there's always the option to aspire to be better. Do we tell StarCraft players to just play like themselves, or do we teach them how to play more like Jaedong, Flash, and Bisu?
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I think the real problem here is that a lot of this advice amounts to teaching guys how to cannon rush at a high level. Yeah, you're technically playing the same game, and your win percentage may even be pretty high, but you're not getting nearly as much out of it as you could.
Well, I do agree with this, actually.
That's why I'm not giving PUA advice like "hit on lots of girls". Instead, I'm telling people to work on themselves, akin to suggesting that a StarCraft player should practice their mechanics and build orders.
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On May 04 2013 17:29 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 07:34 TuPiR wrote:On May 04 2013 05:07 sunprince wrote:
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If you don't like who you are, and would rather be like someone else, there's always the option to aspire to be better. Do we tell StarCraft players to just play like themselves, or do we teach them how to play more like Jaedong, Flash, and Bisu?
...
I think the real problem here is that a lot of this advice amounts to teaching guys how to cannon rush at a high level. Yeah, you're technically playing the same game, and your win percentage may even be pretty high, but you're not getting nearly as much out of it as you could. Well, I do agree with this, actually. That's why I'm not giving PUA advice like "hit on lots of girls". Instead, I'm telling people to work on themselves, akin to suggesting that a StarCraft player should practice their mechanics and build orders.
but instead of 3 races, theres infinite because each of us are different with unique experiences. So that's about as specific advice that you can give --> "just work on yourself". They have to figure out what that means, which is why posting any advice through a forum is pointless (unless you are some sort of twin and can relate perfectly to the other person lol).
Edit: basically if you want to change and aspire to be someone better, you have to do it on your own through your own experiences. Key word = experiences
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On May 04 2013 19:13 biology]major wrote:Show nested quote +On May 04 2013 17:29 sunprince wrote:On May 04 2013 07:34 TuPiR wrote:On May 04 2013 05:07 sunprince wrote:
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If you don't like who you are, and would rather be like someone else, there's always the option to aspire to be better. Do we tell StarCraft players to just play like themselves, or do we teach them how to play more like Jaedong, Flash, and Bisu?
...
I think the real problem here is that a lot of this advice amounts to teaching guys how to cannon rush at a high level. Yeah, you're technically playing the same game, and your win percentage may even be pretty high, but you're not getting nearly as much out of it as you could. Well, I do agree with this, actually. That's why I'm not giving PUA advice like "hit on lots of girls". Instead, I'm telling people to work on themselves, akin to suggesting that a StarCraft player should practice their mechanics and build orders. but instead of 3 races, theres infinite because each of us are different with unique experiences. So that's about as specific advice that you can give --> "just work on yourself". They have to figure out what that means, which is why posting any advice through a forum is pointless (unless you are some sort of twin and can relate perfectly to the other person lol).
Just because people are unique doesn't mean there aren't substantial similarities. I do agree that all advice must be adapted to your own circumstances (particularly if your experiences are very different, e.g. TLers from different countries must adapt any advice accordingly). However, understanding and acting upon general concepts such as attraction, sexual market value, and female hypergamy, will all improve your dating success.
So I would argue that it's more like we are all playing StarCraft on different maps in different metas, but good mechanics and game theory will always improve your odds. On that same vein, watching other people's games and learning from their play is definitely possible, once you take into account the fact that you're playing on a different map and in a different meta.
On May 04 2013 19:13 biology]major wrote:
Edit: basically if you want to change and aspire to be someone better, you have to do it on your own through your own experiences. Key word = experiences
Sure, but that doesn't mean you can't learn from observing the experiences of others.
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EPT
